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Percy Weasley and The Prefect Job That Isn't A Vanity Role

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- It is a wizarding proverb that one does not truly meet their Prefect until they screw the fuck up.  Conversely, a Prefect does not truly meet their kids until they screw the fuck up.  Percy met his littlest brother Ron, Harry Potter, and Draco Malfoy (not his kid) on the third day of his Prefect duties, when Draco tried to bait his kids into a duel and Percy shut that down and hauled Draco back to Slytherin table.

- Percy also met Dilwyn Greengrass, Draco's Prefect, on said third day.  When he returned Draco to the Slytherins and informed Dilwyn of the incident -- as it's ancient Hogwarts procedure for the prefects to tell their heads of house about all attempts at challenges and duels, mostly so that the faculty isn't blindsided by the eruption of a long-standing feud the first day of the culprits' fourth year, so Dilwyn had to know to pass it on to Snape -- Dilwyn gave him a thousand-yard stare and said "I'll strangle that little shit."

- Dilwyn's reaction surprised Percy, ofc, but Draco had so far: demanded a private room, attempted to test all the beds to select the one "most befitting of his status", complained about Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott refusing to let him do that, refused to go to bed at lights out "like a baby", complained that his bed was itchy, complained that his bed was too cold ("Probably because you're not IN IT," Dilwyn said at this point), and said about fifty rude things about Potter.  It was the THIRD DAY.

- Dilwyn regrets everything, but mostly that the Malfoys didn't use birth control the year Draco happened.

- Percy began submitting Complaints Of Bias against Snape after his kids' first Potions class.  The CoBs will continue weekly until Percy graduates.

- Percy also submitted a CoB against McGonagall, to McGonagall, the third week of the year.  A BROOM, Professor?!  A BROOM?  He's only ever even SEEN one for all of ten minutes!

- McGonagall laughed and toasted herself for a job well done in selecting Prefects this year.

- Percy, the youngest of his year, barely a month into being fifteen, then faced off with Augusta Longbottom over Neville's wand.

- Neville is much happier with his properly-matched wand, and Augusta is much happier with her beloved son's wand up on the mantle at home where it can't be damaged by rambunctious schoolboys.

- WE HAVEN'T EVEN REACHED THE END OF SEPTEMBER.

- The Troll still happened.

- Hypatia Bloom, Hermione's Prefect, basically shoved Lavender and Parvati at Percy and said Hermione was in the loo, she had to tell the professors, take these two for me please Percy.

- Percy did so, then the group turned a corner and Harry and Ron were GONE.  Harry doesn't trust authority to do a damn thing, and Ron honestly thought a troll was a reasonable Hogwarts entrance exam and has ZERO idea how dangerous they are.

- Percy all but threw the firsties into the dorm past the Fat Lady and ran for the girls' loo in hopes Harry and Ron hadn't gotten there yet.

- He arrived just in time to find Hypatia, the professors, and three shaken first-years standing over the body of a troll

- This was the point at which Percy Weasley realized he might be dealing with hellspawn on par with the twins.

- Hypatia caught him before he could head up to bed and try to pretend the world doesn't exist, and told him Hermione's story about going to fight the troll.  

"There is no way that's true.  You said it yourself, she wasn't at dinner."  

"Yes, but I'm not about to tell her no one bought it.  This is the closest she's come to making friends at all, let them think they got away with it, okay?"

- After the Quidditch game, when Neville ends up in the Infirmary after trying to take on Crabbe and Goyle in the stands, and Harry's broom tried to kill him, and Hypatia noticed Hermione sneaking out of the teachers' stands after Snape caught fire, and then all three of them plus Ron don't get back in til an hour after curfew...

- "I am going to get completely soused the minute I turn seventeen."

"Same, Weasley.  Same."

- And so the Drunken Alliance is born.

- Harry, Ron, and Hermione are all suddenly very interested in spending the majority of their spare time in the library, during November and early December. Percy’s first instinct is relief, followed immediately by intense suspicion. He asks Hypatia if she knows what they’re researching, and she does not. He asks Madam Pince what books they’re using, and there doesn’t seem to be any sort of pattern at all.

- Percy assumes, correctly, that he would not get a straight answer if asked. He doubles his checks of his kids at night--not difficult, as he hasn’t really had much time to sleep this year anyway--and lets it go. For now.

- Draco starts up with "it sure is nice to be WANTED at home" and Dilwyn drags him off by his ear.  This Will Become A Thing.

- Dilwyn also tells Draco to knock it off, or he'll write to Narcissa that Draco is using her letters and care packages to bully war orphans.

- Percy hears the sheer shock in Harry's voice at "I've got presents?" and his heart breaks, okay.

- Percy "just happens" to be up with a pot of chocolate and a book reading itself to him when Harry starts sneaking around to visit the Mirror.  Harry is very quickly going downhill under its influence, but at least Percy's trying and it does help a bit.  Harry keeps falling asleep on Percy while drinking Percy's "extra" hot chocolate and sharing his blanket in the slightly-too-cold common room.

- In January, Percy overhears Hermione’s discovery of Nicholas Flamel and the Philosopher’s Stone. He groans inwardly, calls Hypatia over, and then corners the kids with her to sit them down and have a long discussion on ethics. (He has made the logical conclusion here: that the kids are excited about eternal life and making gold.)  Hermione looks fascinated. Ron looks annoyed. Harry, of course, looks ready to bite the hands of anyone who makes a sudden movement. Hypatia and Percy exchange a look--all Prefects are trained, to a certain extent, on warning signs certain kids might exhibit--and release them.

- Harry stays back. “Was there something else, Potter?” Percy asks, encouragingly.

Harry’s look turns mulish again. “No, it’s fine.”

“I can tell,” Percy says, wryly.

“You might as well get it over with, is all,” Harry continues, as though Percy hadn’t said anything. “I know we broke the rules. Just give us detention or something and get it over with.”

- Percy blinks, and asks Harry what rules, exactly, he thinks he’s broken. Harry, surprised, actually tells him.

- Having an academic interest is not against the rules. Finding out something you aren’t supposed to know is not against the rules (being late back to the common room after curfew is, but Percy took points for that when it happened). It’s also against the rules to sneak into the restricted section without permission, so Percy does have to take points for that, and stresses that next time it won’t happen if Harry just COMES TO HIS PREFECT AND ASKS. “That’s it?” Harry asks, surprised.

“That’s it. Those are the only rules you broke. This is a school, Harry. We don’t punish people for being curious.” Harry goes away, looking thoughtful, and Percy is left with the strangest feeling that he was just given a test. He wonders if he passed.

- Prefects are trained to notice warning signs. Percy is really, really starting to be concerned what Harry will go back to, when he goes back home.

- The Dragon happens.  Percy, Hypatia, and Dilwyn are all summoned to McGonagall's office in the middle of the night to find Harry, Hermione, Neville, and Draco.  Draco is swearing there was a dragon, Neville is swearing he overheard Draco talking about it and was going to warn Harry and Hermione, and Harry and Hermione are clearly panicking and too embarrassed to say anything.  McGonagall is going completely off and Percy is like no.

- No, it's VERY clear what's going on here.

- Draco, who let's remember has a history of baiting other students, made up some ridiculous story about dragons, probably something like "there's a flock passing by at midnight and you'll be able to see them from the Astronomy Tower".  Unlike pureblood kids, Harry and Hermione bought it, and like normal eleven-year-olds, went to go see.  Neville overheard just enough to mistake what was going on and went to try and help his friends.

- REGARDLESS, all we can prove is that there are first-year students out of bed and one is telling ridiculous stories about why.  The standard for that is ten points each plus another five off Draco for lying.

- Detention is completely unreasonable, Professor, even as angry as we all are about getting dragged out of bed.

- Dilwyn hauls Draco off to Slytherin all "I know it was you, you little shit, and I'm NOT happy because I have an essay due in the morning and now I'm going to have to stay up even LATER to finish it.  No I do not care if there really was a dragon, what have I told you about dealing with problems?  You come to ME.  At a reasonable hour if it isn't an emergency.  ME.  And then *I* deal with it or kick it up the chain to the professors.  A dragon is a kick-it-up-the-chain problem and NEITHER of us should have ended up dealing with this shit in the middle of the night, and if I find out you did this again I will BOOT YOU INTO THE SUN WE ARE ABOUT TO SEE RISE TOGETHER ON THIS FINE, FINE EARLY WEDNESDAY MORNING."

- Percy feels this attitude KEENLY. He’s in nine OWL classes this year and is auditing three more, on top of being the first line of defense and responsibility for five 11-year-olds, most of whom seem quite intent on driving him to drink. Dean is his only hope for sanity, as a nice artistic kid who doesn't blow things up or get into These Situations.  If it had been Neville or Harry who had created this disaster, he probably would have strung them up by the back of their shirts and left them in the common room as a warning to all comers.

- (It is best for everyone that Percy does not find out the true responsible party for The Dragon until much later.)

- The next day, Percy and Hypatia invite Dilwyn "call me Dil" into the Drunken Alliance (this is the true DA).

- The Stone does NOT happen, because Harry has finally started to get the idea of trusting authority figures to help, so he goes to Percy with "Snape's going to steal the Stone tonight!", and Percy takes the Trio straight to McGonagall.

- With all due respect, Professor, if first-years can figure out the Stone is here, so can anybody who actually WANTS the blasted thing, and they're entirely right that with Dumbledore gone it's the best chance to try to get it.

- McGonagall summons Dumbledore back and they Deal With It, without the Trio having to risk their necks.

- Professor Quirrell dies, mostly because Voldemort never intended for the man to survive his possession anyway.  The announcement at the end of the year makes the students think that he died heroically fixing whatever was in the third-floor corridor.

- Percy thinks of his kids rushing into a situation that killed a professor, and can't eat any more of the ending feast.



P.S. -

- Hypatia has had A Job of it convincing Lavender and Parvati to look at Hermione as their nerdy sister, which you'd think would be easier since Parvati HAS a Ravenclaw sister, and also she's fighting the good fight trying to convince Hermione that going over assignment limits is rude to the professors who have to grade all the work.  She Is So Tired, Percy.

- Dil has been trying to get Crabbe and Goyle a social life that isn't Being Draco's Minions.  He isn't having much luck- this year's Ravenclaws don't have the patience, and the, like, two Hufflepuffs Crabbe and Goyle are allowed to be nice to are arrogant little pureblood snobs themselves.