16 Works in Fanfics that pinch my pierogi

Listing Works

  1. Tags
    Summary

    Wei Ying lets out a long, ugly groan. “I am fine, Lan Zhan. Everybody is overreacting, it’s so embarrassing for all of you.”

    “You had undiagnosed pneumonia, which you walked around with for weeks until you passed out during dress,” Lan Wangji corrects him. “It got a big laugh, until everyone thought you were dead.”

    He keeps his voice even and does not tell Wei Ying that it had been Lan Wangji who caught him, who called the ambulance, and who rode with him to the hospital, where he was yelled at by nurses who wanted to know why he hadn’t noticed that Wei Ying couldn’t stop shivering or string proper sentences together.

    “Rumors of my demise have been vastly overstated,” Wei Ying says. “Anyway, I’m already feeling much better. Basically fine. Really almost completely back to normal, so stop babying me and tell me why the fuck you let your stupid brother hire the worst man in the world to host our show.”

    -

    OR: the one where they all work at SNL, Yanli's ex-boyfriend is hosting, and that's just the beginning of everybody's problems.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    87,069
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    1880
    Kudos:
    3902
    Bookmarks:
    1776
    Hits:
    59954
  2. Tags
    Summary

    “First, you get the money. Then you get the power, respect - hos come last.”

     

    Wen Qing traps Wei Wuxian in the Demon Slaughtering Cave, but Wei Wuxian isn’t interested in being the beneficiary of the Wen Remnants’ noble sacrifice. His efforts to free himself accidentally send him back to the beginning of the Sunshot Campaign. Coreless but armed with demonic cultivation, knowledge of the future and his wits, Wei Wuxian takes advantage of this opportunity to come out on top of both the war and its aftermath—before either has a chance to happen—by marrying and swiftly burying the cultivation world’s worst men.

    Lan Wangji is confused, hurt, and uncomfortably aroused by Wei Wuxian’s improbably elaborate series of Sect-themed bridal negligees.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    57,869
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    5
    Comments:
    831
    Kudos:
    2395
    Bookmarks:
    984
    Hits:
    24580
  3. Tags
    Summary

    After the Mo family perishes in distressing and mysterious circumstances, Wei Wuxian, still reeling from his reincarnation, tries to dip back into their manor for a little travelling money. (Forward planning! What a concept!) Lan Wangji catches him immediately, and is highly unimpressed (read: furious) with Wei Wuxian’s decision to run away from him in the first place.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,337
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    151
    Kudos:
    1479
    Bookmarks:
    330
    Hits:
    7007
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Nie Mingjue had grown so frustrated at his brother over his saber practice he may have said some overly harsh things. Possibly. Unfortunately, it seems his brother has set out to prove to him how much Mingjue shouldn’t have said what he said.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,621
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    50
    Kudos:
    306
    Bookmarks:
    52
    Hits:
    1498
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Lan Wangji believes he and Wei Wuxian are essentially engaged. While they search for his missing betrothed, he accidentally reveals as much to Jiang Wanyin. Now everyone in the cultivation world knows about the imminent marriage, except for Wei Wuxian himself.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,013
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    564
    Kudos:
    3999
    Bookmarks:
    1398
    Hits:
    23924
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Jiang Cheng misses his brother, Wei Wuxian picks up a new hobby, and Jin Ling connects the dots.

    Ft. Yunmeng bros learning to talk about emotions, Wei Wuxian learning silk embroidery, and Lan Wangji's rabbits saving them both.

    ("I think it’s nice to stab something repeatedly. It’s cathartic,” Wei Wuxian quips, a familiar teasing glint back in his eyes, “I get stabbed so often, it’s nice to be the one doing the stabbing instead.”

    "Wei Wuxian!" )

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,490
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    92
    Kudos:
    1344
    Bookmarks:
    448
    Hits:
    8626
  7. Tags
    Summary

    When Wangxian decide they can't even wait a day to get married Jiang Cheng is faced with attempting the impossible: planning a wedding in a matter of hours.

    -

     

    “Uh, um, hi, Jiang Cheng, we were just, um, we have to go, it’s really important—” And he actually tried to sneak past him, Lan Zhan’s wrist caught in his hand as he was willingly dragged along.

     

    “So you’re getting married, huh?” Jiang Cheng said, his voice poisonously sweet. Wei Ying flinched guiltily. “You’re on your way to the courthouse now? How nice. Hey, just quickly before you go Wei Ying, do you remember what I said I’d do to the next man to make a-jie cry?”

     

    “...you’d...you’d pull his—”

     

    “I’d pull his spine out through his dick, yes.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,532
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    127
    Kudos:
    1213
    Bookmarks:
    324
    Hits:
    5979
  8. Tags
    Summary

    “Young Master Wei,” comes the pleasant voice behind him. He stops, because even now he cannot be ruder to this man than he has to be. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Lan Xichen approach and stop close by, hands behind his back. Wei Wuxian looks straight ahead and forces his expression into stillness. “I apologize,” Lan Xichen says. Wei Wuxian thinks for an instant that he must have misheard. He turns in spite of himself, opening his mouth, but Lan Xichen continues before he can find any words. “I overstepped. It is not my place to criticize your technique, especially when it has saved so many of us.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    32,430
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    1113
    Kudos:
    1884
    Bookmarks:
    287
    Hits:
    23668
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Entirely to Wei Wuxian's surprise, the small stack of mail is all for him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,566
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    568
    Kudos:
    1580
    Bookmarks:
    535
    Hits:
    12087
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Jiang Cheng gathers up his determination in both hands and goes to the Cloud Recesses to embark on one of the most difficult endeavors he can imagine: Repairing his relationship with his brother.

    To his surprise, he discovers he's become an uncle again... several times over.

    Wei Wuxian, what the fuck?!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    36,095
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    7
    Comments:
    795
    Kudos:
    7345
    Bookmarks:
    3008
    Hits:
    53949
  11. Tags
    Summary

    But consider this: the Lan forehead ribbons are magical, and the mountain knows it. (It takes Wei Ying less than a day after Lan Yi’s cave to realize more than just her wards consider him family.)

    Or: If you’re accidentally betrothed to your classmate in a mostly legitimate life or death situation, how long can you wait to tell him before he finds out by accident?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,484
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    48
    Kudos:
    2250
    Bookmarks:
    137
    Hits:
    20174
  12. Tags
    Summary

    “Sizhui, tell me,” Wei Wuxian says. “Does this feel... familiar to you?”

    or

    After running into Lan Zhan on a night hunt, Wei Wuxian is cursed to live the same day over and over and over.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    30,867
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    456
    Kudos:
    2853
    Bookmarks:
    926
    Hits:
    23734
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Lan Qiren is the worst of them all.
    (And he won't let the lack of his own success at love hinder him. He is not above using the teenagers at disposal.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,285
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    146
    Kudos:
    789
    Bookmarks:
    187
    Hits:
    3591
  14. Tags
    Summary

    “Wei Wuxian,” the man grits out, and he pauses with one hand reaching for the door handle. The disciple who had come in to speak to Lan Qiren brushes past him and exits the pavilion without a backwards glance. Wei Wuxian turns back to Master Lan, one eyebrow tilting up in question. “An urgent matter has come up,” Lan Qiren says, every word sounding like it’s being forcibly dragged from him. “His Excellency requests my presence. Their current instructor is ill, I was meant to take over classes for today,” he continues, gesturing towards the tiny juniors. He swallows heavily, and the next sentence sounds bitter. Choked. “I cannot leave them unattended.”

    Wei Wuxian just blinks at him.

    Or

    Wei Wuxian is asked (under duress) to babysit a class of tiny Lan cultivators for just a few minutes. A few minutes turns into an hour, turns into two hours, turns into an impromptu literal field trip and now there's an entire class that is weeks ahead of their curriculum, their most junior disciples have apparently imprinted on Wei Wuxian like baby birds, and Lan Qiren has no one to blame but himself.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,188
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    8
    Comments:
    769
    Kudos:
    11643
    Bookmarks:
    2617
    Hits:
    99886
  15. Tags
    Summary

    “Yes, Clan Leader Jiang. It is most regrettable, but the Yiling Patriarch has once again kidnapped His Excellency. However, we have every confidence in His Excellency’s safe eventual return.”

    “Of course you do,” Jiang Cheng says bitterly. “You get a more agreeable Chief Cultivator, and everyone is happy, right? You are all so happy the Yiling Patriarch kidnaps the Chief Cultivator on a regular basis. How can you not delight in the fact that Wei Wuxian has no shame and is revered for it? Aren’t you all thrilled, thrilled, that Lan Wangji is such good friends with Wei Wuxian that they spend so many friendly nights together and His Excellency returns like a lovesick fool afterwards and is so conveniently more agreeable?”

    “…”

    “I hate you all,” Jiang Cheng declares and stomps off.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,920
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    5
    Comments:
    416
    Kudos:
    8453
    Bookmarks:
    1830
    Hits:
    48736
  16. Tags
    Summary

    How not to use Chinese Tinder, a cautionary tale. (Or not, if you're looking at the end result.)

    WWX made his life's mission to be matched with every weird people with hilariously bad profile pic on Tantan.

    *apparently I have a potty mouth, so, rating's changed

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    30,711
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Collections:
    6
    Comments:
    728
    Kudos:
    3435
    Bookmarks:
    705
    Hits:
    43869

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