Comment on Fate And Destiny

  1. Intrigued? Yes. Very much so.
    I happen to really like these kind of "mature" or prodigy Ruby stories so this simple premise is really enough to get me hooked ^^. I'm glad you mentioned that you have the story outlined. I feel like a lot of stories are more about the gimmicks than the actual goal. Like "It's RWBY but with X". So they just end up retelling RWBY canon and have their gimmick be a thing every now and then. Plus, it kinda means that more often than not people have no idea how to end their story. So yeah... happy to know you've got that outlined.
    Since this is apparently your third story, I will just comment that your writing is very nice as well. You avoid a lot of beginners mistakes. That is a bunch of "he said, she said" or screenplay type writing. You have nice paragraphs that span more than 2 sentences at most and you don't feel the need to attach "Ruby said" or something along those lines after every spoken sentence.

    As for the story itself... not much to say yet. As I already mentioned, I like a more mature version of Ruby. Someone who knows about her eyes and the like. I wonder if her weapon is still a scythe? Since you mentioned it being inspired by her mother and she was trained by her "friend" instead of Qrow. I mean... I REALLY like the scythe and so does Ruby so it'd be a shame if it was replaced. Shame but not a deal breaker.
    I wonder if her friend is some OC character or someone we're suppose to know like Maria. I doubt it's her but would still be nice ^^.

    In any case, I hope you don't succumb to "new author syndrome" (as I have taken to calling it) where new authors are bursting with motivation only to have that slowly die out a couple chapters in.
    The story looks interesting and I'm very much looking forward to more.

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    1. Thank you very much for commenting!

      I'm glad to have hit the right spot then since you seem to enjoy a premise like this.

      The outline is what helped me to put this idea into words, to be honest. I've wanted to write this for forever but my thoughts were all over the place. The people at r/fanfiction helped a lot by giving me the outline idea in the first place. Structuring thoughts and all that.

      I'm glad my writing is readable! I still feel like there are tons of things I can improve on and I struggle with repetition and action scenes, 'white room', etc. But it's good to know I have a solid basis to stand on.

      As for the weapon...I love Crescent Rose too, but I just don't see Summer as a scythe wielder. Canon Ruby had her weapon inspired by Qrow, this Ruby has hers inspired by Summer, so....sorry? 😅

      And the circumstances surrounding Ruby's 'friend' will be revealed in due time. I'm looking forward to the reactions then 🙋♀️

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