Comment on Fate And Destiny

  1. I don't like it for the reasons that Alucard45 mentioned as well as it makes Ozpin & CO only look psychopathic, cruel and incompetent. When a simple evaluation of skills would do, he is instead standing idly by and monitor cadets being butchered by monsters. In short, he is a mass murderer of children and no better than Salem. Even the SS wasn't so stupid. There is really no point other than give the fic more shock factor.

    While its perhaps dumb to complain about Mary Sue when Ruby pretty much already is one in canon, but at least she had two non-endearing weaknesses which is her bad hand-to-hand ability and lack of control over her god powers.

    You took those weaknesses away as well as her insecurity with people, so atm she is Miss Perfect. How you describe the battle makes is seem that Weiss, Jaune & Phyrra, Yang and Halberd guy - maybe Blake as well - would be dead or severely wounded if it wasn't for her arrows. That's more than half of the other remaining 11 who already owe her their life, and that's only in 2 chapters. So hopefully you have some plans for her to have some development or some hidden flaws to her character, or this will get quite dull fast. As she is now, she is very dry and boring.

    Ruby is 15 and still a kid. No amount of training for a couple of years can turn a young teen into an adult.
    However cynical, focused or responsible she is, she is still immature by nature. Nothing beats life experience in case of maturity, or you know, a fully developed brain, which I hope she doesn’t already have as well.

    Sorry for the harsh feedback, hope you don't mind.

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    1. Don't worry, people are entitled to their opinions as long as they are civil about it!

      I understand your reasons to dislike my fic but consider that I have it outlined and it is only four chapters in, so I thought long and hard about my decisions for this fic.

      This Ruby is far from a Mary Sue. She just has other flaws than in canon. I hate perfect protagonists with a passion.

      Is Ozpin not interfering and this particularly disastrous initiation? There's a reason, which will become clearer the farther this fic goes. Just shock factor is an admittedly unfair assumption. It adds, of course, and it was the reason why I thought about it in the first place, but I wouldn't have made this part of the fic if I wouldn't have come up with a good reason.

      As for Ruby helping: they all have Aura and she provided support. She didn't save anybody's life. I certainly didn't intend on half the cadets owing Ruby life debts 4 chapters in.

      And the friend trained Ruby for longer than 2 years and again – she *is* flawed, very much so. Just not like canon Ruby.

      I hope all this clears things up a bit. Thank you for giving this fic a chance and for your honesty!

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      1. Ok, good. I got the idea that this initiation was the usual deal. That's on me.

        "Professor Ozpin said they'd be monitored and that the instructors would not intervene. Ruby had to wonder, just how strict was that no-intervention-rule? What if a student was in life-threatening danger? There were deaths in every academy's initiation. In her mother's initiation, almost half the cadets didn't make it past the initiation." While Qrow might be talking shit, this didn't help with that impression. 50% survival rate is bad enough.

        Ruby described Weiss error as potentially fatal, so I gave the same judgement to the similar situation with Yang and and halberd dude, ie unaware of a grim behind in mid strike, and why I was hesitant to include Blake as that grim was only described as lurking behind. While when others helped each other is was more like a combination of attacks instead that one was unaware or made a mistake. It gave the impression that Ruby's help was more important.

        Anyway that was just a small issue for me at this point and not important. Glad that you have flaws and big plans for Ruby. Makes me want to continue reading.

        Last Edited Wed 11 Dec 2019 06:37PM EST

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        1. Yeah, I can see how you got that impression. I'll have to go back and see if I can make the whole initiation fiasco clearer.

          You have to consider one thing with Weiss's fight and the big battle: Weiss was by herself against a pack of Beowolf and concentrating on her stance instead of her surroundings. *That* can be fatal, no matter how good you are. Even the weakest Grimm can overwhelm a lone huntress if she doesn't pay attention. The other fight was lots of chaos but with seven cadets in the battlefield and Ruby on high ground, before Ren and Nora even joined. That's the major difference.

          And again, your honesty is much appreciated!

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          1. Makes sense. Maybe you also could add a bit describing the chaos more and how the 7 already fighting and help covering each others openings, and thus Ruby is quick to follow suit. Would help highlight this difference, and aid a bit with the other feedback you got of describing the battlefield more.

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            1. I'm taking all the feedback into consideration! RWBY is a show which prides itself in amazing fighting choreography (barring Volume 5) and I would be amiss to be content with just okay-ish fighting scenes. When I have the time to go back and work over the current fighting scenes I will do so. For now, I will keep the fic going and try to work with the feedback in coming fighting scenes.

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