Comment on pain made to order

  1. Jesus, how is the beginning of it so simple and so good at the same time? Like, if that was a book in a bookshop and I randomly picked it up and started reading, the shop would have to call the police to throw me out, because I would just be staying there with my nose in the thing. Damn. It's like... gripping? Immersing. That click thing when you go like - oh, I'm so gonna read it! And it sets the mood perfectly. Beautifully. And I love how you slip the pieces of the information about the characters and the arrangement throughout the text, it's not piled in one place at the beginning, it's like... a treat? Info as candy. Really nice and makes you itchy for more. Tell me more. Something like that.
    Also, that part where you give Ryan's info in Ricky's thoughts (arrrrgh emotions!!!) and then Ryan gets back and asks him a question that is almost the same as what Ricky was asking himself... Intense brain pleasure.
    And I love how tense the main part is and just... Ricky being nervous about all of it? You definitely convey that. And one more thing, and I'm saying that at the risk of sounding creepy, but I hope I won't and you're gonna be fine with it, because I've got to say it - the fucking lines. I'm really not sure if it's okay to praise the rapist's lines, but they are so... good. Like, realistic? Like yeah, they'd say that, wouldn't they? Especially those "do you see what you do to me" and "if you don't let me it's gonna hurt me". Suuuure dude. Fuck. Properly disgusting, you know. Like enough to almost have a vomiting session. And other lines too, like all the questioning about kissing the boys and touching yourself. Very unpleasant. Which is like... good? Really good lines. Right. Correct. True. Shit like that. Hope I make sense and not freak out anybody.

    Anyway. This was amazing. Love your writing.

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      i'm just glad the stuff i'm tryna put in there comes across y'know. i'm always worried i'm not gonna convey the right mood lmao like the whole time i thought the tone was off but hey i'm glad it worked.

      and no that's definitely not creepy to say lmao i just unfortunately have enough experiences with horrible creepy men to know what kinda shit they say. so i mean. it's good those bits of dialogue were disgusting cuz it wasn't intended to be like hot dirty talk or something i wanted the reader to be uncomfortable and grossed out and y'know bless ryan for cooperating with me on this cuz i made him say some nasty shit. which i guess he did allude to in the end lmao but he was a real team player on this one.

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