to be free
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Summary
And when he’s alone, when Sam’s gone, or he’s lying in bed… no matter how hard he tries to avoid it, every time he closes his eyes Dean keeps flashing back to that last, horrific moment—Cas smiling as he’s consumed by darkness. “You changed me,” and “I love you,” and “goodbye.” He tries to reconcile it in his head, Cas loving him so much that just expressing it was enough to trigger his deal. He tries—and fails. He must have missed a step, lost in the grief and horror of the moment, because it just… it can’t be real. Every time he tries to take it out and examine it, his mind shies away, throwing up an impenetrable wall of “impossible.”
In the weeks following Chuck's defeat, Dean tries to come to terms with Cas's confession and death. But having your kid become god turns out to have some perks.
Series
- Part 1 of to be free
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Summary
He's staring again, he realizes. He keeps catching himself, old habits screaming at him to look away, stop being obvious. But he doesn't have to stop, not anymore, not ever—so he looks. And when Cas meets his eye, instead of deflecting or snarking out a joke or excuse, he just smiles. It's already getting easier.
Cas smiles back and tilts his head. "What is it?"
"Nothing, just... can't believe we get to have this, you know? It's—I never thought I’d have… with anyone, definitely not with you. I just—I keep looking up expecting you to be gone. I’m gonna open my eyes and none of it was real. Gonna be like that for a while, probably.”
Series
- Part 2 of to be free