1 - 20 of 245 Works in Esmé Squalor

Pages Navigation

Listing Works

  1. Tags
    Summary

    In a land called Narnia, there is trouble. For one hundred years, the land has been cursed by an evil Fire Warlock named Olaf. He has gained control of the kingdom, and makes the land so swelteringly hot that it has become a desolate and barren place. He kills anyone who dares stand in his way, and so none do. Not outwardly, anyway (as is the same across all dimensions, VFD does its best work in secret).
    However, there is a well known prophecy that promises Count Olaf’s defeat:

    When a hero times three can find these lands,
    A century of fire will be put out.
    Beware, for only by one of the trio’s hands
    Will come the end of the evil Count.

    Meanwhile, in another dimension, the Baudelaire orphans have finally left the Island, bringing young Beatrice II with them. They have been reunited with the Quagmire triplets, and have all been placed under the care of the Professor until Violet comes of age and can use the Baudelaire fortune to take care of the children herself. Left mostly alone to wander the Professor’s estate, there are many discoveries waiting to be unveiled by seven adventurous children

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    46,044
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Comments:
    29
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    380
  2. Tags
    Summary

    (A HDM/ ASOUE AU.) With the Baudelaire siblings now enrolled in a rather dismal boarding school, one would expect their lives to become relatively simple now, with boring teachers, unpleasant classmates and gross cafeteria food marking the extent of their problems. Of course, anyone who truly expects this to happen has not been paying attention. Before long, the Baudelaires' past will catch up with them, bringing deceit, kidnapping and an exhausting exercise programme into their miserable lives.

    Escaping the sinister Count Olaf's schemes, however, is just the beginning of another string of miserable misadventures, which take them from a glamorous apartment in the City, to numerous vastly frightening destinations in the Hinterlands- culminating in more deceit, more kidnapping and another devastating fire.

    This time, though, the siblings are concerned about more than just the Count, his cohorts and his scarlet salamander. A mystery lies out in the Hinterlands- three mysterious letters that may help the Baudelaires find the answers they seek. So why does every lead seem to lead them nowhere? Why do false alarms and red herrings seem to lurk around every corner? Perhaps some answers simply aren't worth finding...

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,693
    Chapters:
    2/34
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    53
  3. Tags
    Summary

    a collection of oneshots/drabbles inspired by prompts from write-it-motherfuckers on tumblr!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,404
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Kudos:
    11
    Hits:
    225
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Georgina is not one for philosophical ponderings about the ethics of hypnosis.
    She’s a pragmatist.
    She hypnotizes when it’s necessary and lies that she hasn’t when it isn’t.
    However, as she watches her girlfriend pace stridently across the bedroom floor, ranting and raving about a party she wasn’t even invited to, she wonders how wrong it would be to hypnotize her lover into being quiet for half a second.
    It wouldn’t be wrong—in her opinion—but it would be a rather dick move.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,139
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    39
  5. Tags
    Summary

    "'Sunny and I should stay here with the Quagmires,' he said as he gathered up the handkerchief.

    And here’s the thing. Violet knew they were running out of time. And Violet knew she would be right back. And Violet knew that the Quagmires were alone, and scared, and needed their friends more than ever.

    And though every part of her screamed for her to disagree, to shut Klaus down and demand they stick together, she nodded."

    An AU where Klaus and Sunny get kidnapped along with the Quagmires in Ersatz Elevator, and Violet's left to find them on her own.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,158
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    15
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    99
  6. Tags
    Summary

    It's not often you see an asoue AU in the perspective of the Quagmires story. It's not often either you see the Quagmires as sixtuplets. This, my friends, is going to be very fucking chaotic.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    45,065
    Chapters:
    22/?
    Comments:
    66
    Kudos:
    38
    Hits:
    788
  7. Tags
    Summary

    beatrice gains the upper hand in her highly satisfying rivalry with her co-star, but also loses the moral high ground.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,864
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    30
  8. Tags
    Summary

    When Esmé helps Olivia with dinner, Olivia cuts Esmé’s finger, and can’t help but feel immensely guilty. Esmé isn’t actually all that phased.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,699
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    33
  9. Tags
    Summary

    The two siblings split up one night at the carnival, to keep an eye on both Esme and Olaf at the same time.

    Klaus follows Count Olaf as he leaves the carnival. Olaf didn't tell anyone where he was going, not even Esme. And similarly, Klaus didn't tell anyone he was leaving either, not even his sisters.

    This causes an even more unfortunate timeline than the one you know of.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,324
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    11
    Hits:
    266
  10. Tags
    Summary

    “Never like, ‘we’re never gonna have a black president’ never?” Quigley asked. “‘Cause that happened.”

    “A real never.” Fiona said, smiling through her threat. “Like, if you ever ask me about this again, you’re never going to be able to eat without a straw.”

    She shut the fridge door and walked out.

    “Yeah, okay, well… you’re on the wrong side of history, my friend.” Quigley called after her.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,776
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    98
  11. Tags
    Summary

    ...You shouldn't be here. None of us should have ever had the chance to be here...this tale could have been prevented but alas here we are.

    I am sorry to say that it is my solemn duty to report the events of the lives of Violet Snicket and her two younger half-siblings, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire. The lives of these three very unfortunate orphans has just got a little bit crazier. When Count Olaf starts involving Violet in his fiendish plots, the three orphans have to battle him together and also try to solve the mysteries surrounding the deaths of their parents and why they have been targetted by an unhinged lunatic.

    The stakes are higher, everything is much more dire.

    If you are now joining us and have no idea how this story got to where it is now, I would advise you to look away but if you choose to ignore all my warnings: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20307649/chapters/48143287 (follow the link to part one)

    Part two consists of The Austere Academy, The Ersatz Elevator, The Vile Village, The Hostile Hospital and The Carnivorous Carnival. Updates will be posted on a day to day basis.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    378,468
    Chapters:
    60/?
    Comments:
    176
    Kudos:
    107
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    3454
  12. Tags
    Summary

    “you keep your own secrets perfectly well, don’t you snicket? secrets to line your pockets with, to get whatever you want with.”

    or, esmé and kit take their frustrations out on each other.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,048
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    2
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    31
  13. Tags
    Summary

    1920s/30s Gangster AU

    After 5 years as a librarian in a sleepy town, Olivia Caliban decides to attend graduate school to study poetry at an elite university. There is a catch, however. The university only admits male students. Thus, Olivia must disguise herself as Oliver for the duration of the degree. The degree requires her to move to Mineral Springs, the corrupt, gangster-ridden town that houses the university. At the university, Olivia/Oliver studies under Jerome Squalor, one of the country's best poets, but does not expect to fall hopelessly in love with Mineral Springs in all of its tawdry glory and with Jerome's wife, Esme, who seems to be the personification of all that the town represents. After her affair with the town's chief gangster, Olaf McReggens, goes awry, Esme finds comfort in "Oliver's" arms, and Olivia must decide whether to pursue her degree or the desires of her heart. Is there a way to have both?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    38,466
    Chapters:
    8/10
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    19
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    272
  14. Tags
    Summary

    For the first time in generations, the stars are right. The Baudelaires' peaceful life is brought to an end as their home burns to the ground and they are embroiled in a conspiracy centuries in the making.
    -
    A Series of Unfortunate Events, if the VFD was an organisation dedicated to protecting the world from eldritch horrors.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,140
    Chapters:
    2/13
    Kudos:
    4
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    73
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Just as VFD members Jacquelyn, Larry and Jacques made several increasingly desperate yet ultimately ineffective attempts to protect and help the Baudelaire orphans, help also started to come from the other side of the schism- specifically from firestarters Fernald, Ainsley, Mildred, Maud and Phil. But, with the volunteers always a few steps behind, and the troupe too afraid of their boss to do much, will either group really be able to make a difference to the lives of the Baudelaires?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    58,670
    Chapters:
    11/14
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    15
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    453
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Esme's heart broke for her incomplete tea set.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    440
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Kudos:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    36
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Esmé Squalor thinks that her new, apparently perfect partner R is going to be uninteresting.
    She is completely and utterly wrong.

    Jacquelyn Scieszka thinks that her new, apparently rebellious partner Esmé is very interesting indeed.
    She's right, of course. She usually is.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,659
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    11
    Hits:
    78
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Ever since Esme started teaming up with Olaf in schemes again, Georgina had been visibly colder.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    949
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    30
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Every time Esmé looked at Georgina, she always wondered how her wife managed to look just like all the seven wonders of the world all gathered in one woman.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,253
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    12
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    52
  20. Tags
    Summary

    "You never told me what it was that made you strong, and what it was that made you weak."

    Two years after the death of her entire family, Violet Baudelaire meets a peculiar man on the sidewalk in front of where her house once stood.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    43,781
    Chapters:
    13/18
    Comments:
    43
    Kudos:
    149
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    3178

Filters

Filter results:
Submit

Include

?
Include Ratings
Include Warnings
Include Categories
Include Fandoms
Include Characters
Include Relationships
Include Additional Tags

Exclude

?
Exclude Ratings
Exclude Warnings
Exclude Categories
Exclude Fandoms
Exclude Characters
Exclude Relationships
Exclude Additional Tags

More Options

Crossovers
Completion Status
Word Count
Date Updated
Submit

Pages Navigation