1 - 20 of 31 Works in Jane Crocker & John Egbert
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Summary
Just another coffee shop AU. What could go wrong?
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“I do not think Spongebob would survive the apocalypse.”
“Literally why though?”
“Why would he survive?”
“Dude he can literally rip himself up into bits.”
“That doesn’t stop you from getting bit and infected dude.”
“He’s a sponge! They wouldn’t wanna eat him.”
“They go after anything that makes noise, Spongebob can’t shut up to save his life.”
“You watch how you talk about Spongebob Johnathan whatever-your-middle-name-is Egbert.”
“James.”
“What?”
“My middle name is James.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah.”
“Johnathan James Egbert.”
“That’s me.”
“Well Johnathan James Egbert watch your fucking mouth about how you talk about Spongebob.”
“I’m right though!”
Series
- Part 1 of Homestuck Era
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1025 years after the rival Betty Crocker corporation "accidentally" kicks off an apocalypse, heiress to the Skaianet fortune Jane Harley-Crocker escapes her cryopod.
What she expects to find:
- Her robot brother, J0-N3 (she calls him John), alive and well and functional.
- Her friends Roxy, Dirk, and her cousin Jake, all safe, too, having hopefully survived the apocalypse in the way she did.
- More humans on the earth than just four people.
One of those ends up being true.
As for the rest... It'll take a lot to recover the other three "Beta Kid" AIs and unite all of them to send out a message to humanity's galactic successors. Will Jane and pals be able to do it? What's the deal with these "troll" AIs that they keep hearing about? What the shit is a "D4v3"?
AU spearheaded by Hydro City Zone.
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John is completely fine. He is completely and utterly content to spend his days alone in his room, watching movies and programming. But it would be nice to have a friend.
In other words, John is completely and utterly alone. He's tried reaching out, but it's never worked. It seems like there's no place for him out there. But little does he know, there are seven other isolated idiots out there who yearn for friendship as much as he does.
But will John and these idiots find solace with unadulterated dumbfuckery and geographical distance in their way?
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a variety of stories from my own personal earth c. mundanity abounds and its wonderful and theyve never been happier.
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(John is Not Fine.)
In which John Egbert deals with being worshiped as a god, and the disconnection from reality that comes with having the power to do whatever the fuck he wants. Also, his brain has stopped working. He really needs to deal with that.
[Set in the Skaian Pantheon universe, where the kids didn't skip forward in time five thousand years, and are instead trying to build civilization themselves and live up to the expectations placed upon them as gods.]
10 Years Post-Landing
Series
- Part 11 of The Skaian Pantheon
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The humans have the first SBURB session instead of the trolls. After their victory is snatched from them at the last second, they hide in The Veil on a meteor and try to come up with a plan. Things go a little differently.
Series
- Part 1 of double or nothing
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Summary
Jane is just trying to bake in peace, but John has other plans.
Series
- Part 3 of double or nothing
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,368
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 25
- Hits:
- 110
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Summary
A homestuck AU where various things are different. For starters, the Crockerberts adopt Gamzee.
For seconds, ages are all over the place, so the Beta kids and trolls are 16ish , the alpha kids are 14ish , and the dancestors are 19ish. -
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Jane Crocker has lived her whole life under her mothers thumb as the heiress to the baking empire, Crocker corp, by day. But unbeknownst to her mother, she runs a secret detective agency at night.
After the announcement of a young woman's death on the radio, a woman named Jasprose comes to Jane with a case that is just a little too personal.
But Jasprose seems to know more than she lets on, and every time Jane tries to figure her out, she disappears.
Who is she? And why does she keep flirting with Jane?
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Dad Crocker's old radio pumped out top 40 alt rock hits quietly into the scent-filled kitchen through tinny, old, busted speakers, pulled through a lifetime of use by the screwdriver skills of friends and relatives and the occasional RadioShack employee, back when RadioShack was a thing that existed. Unfortunately, or, perhaps, fortunately in some ways for John, this was not the sort of baking that required a second set of hands, although they still watched the pan in an attempt to be helpful. A slight hiss of steam came from the crouton-like chunks of bread being cooked on the butterless surface of a ceramic pan, and with their dainty fingers, they reached down and flipped over every piece individually. Don't worry, they washed their hands.
129/365
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The kids have finally beat Sburb, but instead of sending them to Earth C, a game glitch sends them back to pre-game earth, trapping the Alphas in their splinter-selves bodies.
Aka, a Strider Feelings Jam That Also Has Other Characters In It
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Why Do Only Death Screens Have a "Continue?" Button? by orphan_account
Fandoms: Homestuck
12 Aug 2020
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John Egbert has a problem. He's alive, he's healthy, and all of his friends came with him to their own little paradise of a planet, Earth C, where they can all be alive and healthy together. So why can't he get out of his bed?
a dirk/john fic of these two depressed losers opening up, being vulnerable, actually talking to their friends and family, and maybe kissing a little
DISCONTINUED
june egbert and the perspective of trans fems on the topic of her matter more than a mlm ship between two characters who have never interacted in canon. just ship dirkjake -
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“I just think, maybe, Dirk and Rose need to chill? No, that sounds bad. It’s just… Look, have you noticed that they both seem to be… off, recently?” John asks.
After three years on Earth C, John introduces Jane to his... hobby, and invites Dirk and Rose along for the ride. (Aka, John and Jane make weed brownies, and prevent disaster.)
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I always questioned in To Live a Normal Life? How preposterous! how no-one knew that their family were the aspects, so I wrote a fic showing what would happen if the rest of the gang found out early.
(Read up to Chapter 4 of TLANLHP before reading this)
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Being thrown into a world-wide apocalyptic event is not something to be taken lightly, especially when it turns out you might be part of the problem.
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Somethings up.
Four teenagers stumble into a conspiracy theory, which they may or may not be the center of.
Four almost adults discover they aren’t the only ones.
And 12 separated aliens try to survive on a suspiciously familiar planet, and maybe get some help from some of its inhabitants.
Romance, familial discovery, and a poorly-executed bank heist ensue.
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Oh, yeah, and superpowers. Superpowers are here too.
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A family, albeit a complicated one, is what was more than John Egbert could have wanted. For this birthday, the yearly prank-off shall commence!
Surely nothing will go wrong, right...?
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A Gambit For The Ages (or at least the next half hour) by Dusty Little Fic Attic (StarsInAJamJar)
Fandoms: Homestuck
13 Apr 2019
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John half expected the wall to respond to his diatribe, but he could only hear the ac humming above the soft breeze rustling the leaves of the tree in his yard. God, it was weird to think about how he essentially owned the house now. Dad had been over at Jane's for the past week, since her birthday was coming up.
Wait a minute.
"HOLY SHIT it's my birthday!"In which John wakes up at a wholly unreasonable hour of the morning and Jane is a habitual sleuth.
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319. "Where did that cat come from?"