17 Works in Simon Amstell

Listing Works

  1. Tags
    Summary

    Two days later and it’s as if the fates are shining down upon him. Or torturing him. Why else would Andrew be doing a walk of shame at 2am only to see The Guy coming from the opposite direction and heading straight for him.

    (Or, five(ish) times they act out tropes plus one time they’re cliche all on their own.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,429
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    87
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Simon was almost certain that his dysfunctional family would scare off Ben Theodore for good. Fortunately for him, the mumbling actor has a thing for oddballs.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,638
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    99
  3. Tags
    Summary

    "What more do we have to do, Noel?" Russell sighs. "Can't seem to get the message across. I've never had this much trouble before, have you? Normally you invite someone back to your house at this time of night and the implication's pretty clear. And we've been dropping hints all night like breadcrumbs in a forest."

    "I know. It's been a minefield of innuendo."

    "A minefield! And somehow he's navigating it without treading on a single innuendo-mine. Not a single one."

    "Shall I put it in layman's terms?" Noel asks, shifting apart from Russell a little. He looks at Simon with a slightly softer expression and pats the very small space on the sofa between him and Russell. "Just c'mere and let us kiss you, alright?"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,310
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    76
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    1771
  4. Tags
    Summary

    A missing moment between Simon Amstel and Amy Winehouse on the set of Never Mind the Buzzcocks ep 19 x04.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    746
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    9
    Hits:
    339
  5. Tags
    Summary

    In which Simon Amstell is forced out of his loneliness.

    Justin Bieber, Ben Wishaw, and hijinks coming soon.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,092
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    9
    Hits:
    305
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Noel embarks on a journey to strange places.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,107
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    1330
  7. Tags
    Summary

    We crash into each other, just so we can feel something.
     

    Or (because that was quite a pretentious summary):
    "Look what you've done to my car!" the voice shrieks. "Look!"
    "Sir, please stay away from him."
    "Why? I just want him to look at my God damned car! I'm not gonna fucking kill him!"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,107
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    7
    Hits:
    329
  8. Tags
    Summary

    In which they share a flat, become friends, banter and fall in love, not necessarily in that order.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,333
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    52
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    930
  9. Tags
    Summary

    It begins, as most troublesome things do, with a blowjob.

    The adventures of two skinny men trying to make sense of life, each other, and other such absurdities.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,106
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    106
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    3169
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Post s22e11. Mostly this is just banter. There is nothing in here but banter. Not even gonna pretend otherwise. Post-filming interactions between Simon, Josh and Martin.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,654
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    51
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    1043
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Funny thing, for future reference: if you happen to ring the police as you run for your life — just to let them know that there's an army of zombies in the BBC Centre, and it'd be grand if they could pop by — they're not all that eager to help.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,416
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    75
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    1023
  12. Tags
    Summary

    In which they're doing a very bad job of growing up together. Simon's in love and Ben's numb and it should be a good thing they have each other.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    700
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    24
    Hits:
    1092
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Simon did a bad, bad thing and is being punished. But Martin can make even that pleasurable.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,086
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    38
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    3249
  14. Tags
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    758
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    36
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    1760
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Simon dreams.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    100
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    797
  16. Tags
    Summary

    They did go back to his dressing room, true, but it was for a cup of tea and a chat, not wild sex on the awful threadbare floral sofa.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,494
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    9
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    106
  17. Tags
    Summary

    "I'm going to fuck you," says Noel the second the door is closed behind them, his voice low and throaty.

    Simon falters, caught off guard, his fingers slipping off the key in the door. He doesn't say anything right away. This was—quite understandably—not what he expected Noel to say upon entering the room. Have you got anything to drink?, maybe, or perhaps This is the worst dressing room EVER. But not such a blatant attempt at seduction—if you could even call it that, which, frankly, he doesn't think you could.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,551
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    56
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    839

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