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“What?!” David covered his mouth, but it was too late. Patrick, in the chair beside him, jumped and reached out to grab David’s arm.
“Where’s the bear?” his husband asked. David twisted around to remove Patrick’s sunglasses and kiss his confused face.
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This is year 50. This is also the last chronological story of this series. If you'd like, you can imagine David and Patrick lived forever. Or maybe they both died after a lovely session of lovemaking, physically asserting their love, and then passing silently in the night, maybe in a lovely set of silk pyjamas.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 2
- Hits:
- 16
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David poured Marcy more sangria, letting the chunks of plum and apple—from his own trees!—fall into her glass. Stevie was on her way back with more beer and ice, and Alexis promised she’d bring Charlotte after a nap, but for now, it was just David and his mother-in-law.
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This is year 6.
Series
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How to Lose Some Guy Who’s Working at Ray’s in 10 Days by queenMABcreates
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek
25 Feb 2024
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One of them is lying. So is the other.
But, all’s fair in love and war…Right?
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“I don’t think that was an adult kiss,” Alexis says carefully as she stares up at Ted’s ceiling. There’s a stain on it from when she tried to make him a birthday cake, back when they were dating. It had gone terribly and she’d tried very hard not to be absolutely mortified at how carefully she’d worked at getting every little thing just right just to fail so miserably. It’s difficult for her, being careful, always has been, but after the broken engagement—okay fine, broken engagements, plural—she’s been trying to be more careful with Ted. He’s not like her other ex-boyfriends. He’s breakable. Human, even.
Ew, some part of Alexis that’s still sunbathing on that nude beach in Santorini cringes. A larger part of her just feels sad. For him, but for her, too.
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"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. Or husband. Or a spouse in general."
Patrick and Ted are rich people navigating Schitt's Creek as a holiday retreat. David and Alexis, as longtime residents, peak their interest. But not everything that meets the eye is always true.
Or, a Pride & Prejudice AU with a plot twist.
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Twyla's Thing With Ghosts by The_Same_But_Different
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek, Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
07 Jan 2024
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“This is all very exciting, Twyla,” Patrick says, “but I guess I’m a little confused about…why they’re coming here.”
“I know! I was really surprised when I got the call,” she says. “We’re not nearly as fancy as the places they usually investigate. I mean, the cafe’s a great place, but even I know we’re not an abandoned insane asylum inhabited by a goat demon.”
“Not yet,” Stevie says.
Schitt’s Creek is visited by paranormal investigators Ryan Bergara and Shane Madej, who have heard reports of mysterious activity at Cafe Tropical…
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it was the age of no regret by thetisming for Queen_but_gender_neutrally
Fandoms: & Juliet - Martin/West Read, Caroline in the City, Community (TV), Schitt's Creek, Zombie Saga - Felix/Reggie
26 Dec 2023
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Del what the fuck
Series
- Part 7 of zombie saga brighter timeline
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“David! I’m good, okay? Stop freaking out. I have news.” The roar of blood rushing through his head has subsided enough that he can actually hear her now. Alexis sounds… nervous?
“What's your news?” He asks carefully. Maybe she's being held hostage, and that's why she's acting so weird? He wills his breathing to calm down so he can focus.
She sighs dramatically. “You have to promise not to freak out, okay? I know how you get.”
“‘How I get’ — fuck off Alexis, just tell me your news.”
“I'm getting married.”
David takes some time away from his big city life to come help his little sister plan her wedding. He doesn't count on falling head over heels for the handsome, small town best man.
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David's Christmas Carol by AuthorByNight
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek, A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
19 Dec 2023
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David is resigned to being bitter and alone. That all changes when he's visited by three ghosts...
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Patrick Brewer has just made a fresh start in Schitt's Creek, leaving his old life behind. He's adrift and friendless, trying to figure out where he belongs, when he decides to go catch the local community theater production of Cabaret and finds himself enchanted by the Emcee... David Rose.
A story of finding your place, finding yourself, and falling for the first time.
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“I was thinking, and you know what would be fun? A bet.”
“What?” Patrick asks, confused.
“Some friendly competition, Brewer. Something to spice things up.”
“What kind of bet?” Patrick asks suspiciously.
Brock’s grin turns dangerous. “I bet you can’t get David Rose to sleep with you.”
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A high school AU about bets, art, Elvis Presley and hopefully finding yourself in between.
[Podfic of Shall I Stay? by alldaydream]
**UPDATE NOV. 2023: Newly remastered version available!
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After discovering a crime involving his ex Sebastien, David is relocated to Schitt's Creek as part of the Witness Protection Program. Cut off from all contact with the outside world, David is forced to re-evaluate his priorities. He might just learn to open up his heart... unless his past catches up with him first.
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Alexis Rose has risen to the top of the PR world. But, Schitt's Creek still calls her name, and when she returns back for Christmas, she had only expected to be reunited with her family and her few friends.
After rescuing a kitten from the trenches of a lake, the visit to the local veterinary clinic quickly teaches her that another has also returned to Schitt's Creek.
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Patrick helps David deal with complicated emotions when Sebastien Raine dies in a freak accident.
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A Schitt's Creek fan video to the song Secrets by Rachael Jenkins
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Well, this is the crossover nobody asked for.
Reproducing Schitt's Creek, Reddit style. Join our favourite lovable characters as they turn to Reddit to ask if they were the assholes, rant or rave.
Each chapter is a different character and a different scene/plot, unless it is an update.
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Twyla serves Hockley tea to all of her customers on the day of Rose Apothecary's soft launch. All except one - David. Who would like to know, just what the hell is going on?!
Stevie and Patrick stare at him blank faced. David quickly gets impatient.
"Can someone here, please tell me what is going on?"
"Um..." Stevie tapers off.
"Er...." Patrick hums unsure.
Then...
STEVIE (Clicks her fingers)
♪ I've got a hunch
It could be farm witches
A coven of farm witches
Their peanut butter squares are addictive ♪"They're Mennonites!" David glares. "...Wait! Did you just sing?" His hands wave around in front of Stevie. "Was that singing happening right there?"
Stevie claps a hand over her mouth, her eyes large and round with surprise.
Then Patrick steps forward...
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and i could try to lie, i could try to bluff (or i could try to dance with you instead) by typicalaveragefangirl for notyouhoneydew
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek
18 Jul 2023
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“David, what are you doing?”
David slumps back down onto the step and sighs, “I need coffee.”
“It’s five o’clock in the morning,” Patrick says. He takes the last few stairs on the rickety staircase that leads to his apartment above Cafe Tropical and approaches David like one might approach a wild animal. “Make coffee at the motel.”
“I did. I drank it all.”
“You drank all the coffee at the motel before five in the morning?”
“Big gulps,” David confirms, nodding his head just once. “Lots of sugar.”
Or, the one where I follow the plot of S4E20 - S5E3 of Gilmore Girls, but make it David and Patrick instead of Lorelai and Luke. In this universe Ted & Alexis are about to get married, Patrick moved to Schitt's Creek before the Roses and helps with the financial stuff but is less involved in the day-to-day of RA, which is about to open, and we ignore the fact that Rory and any of her plot points exist because even I am not so chaotic as to give David Rose a teenage daughter.
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So Many Drabbles, One After The Other, Consecutively, in a Row by Mildly_Hebraic_Looking_Elf
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek
16 Jul 2023
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A series of not-necessarily-connected 100 word drabbles based on Tumblr word prompts.
My first post for Schitt’s Creek!
Also my first post on AO3. Ever. So. Here goes.
I hope you enjoy! -
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The last time she’d seen her was in Beijing, heartbroken, stomping down the tunnel to her locker room at Wukesong Arena, like Alexis had personally stolen the gold medal from her. Like the weeks of sexy, flirty rivalry was as good as dust because she’d lost the last game. By the time Alexis had thought to go talk to her, just a few days later, she’d apparently already made some excuse to fly back out to Canada.
And Alexis, um, gets it? She’d be pretty pissed too, she thinks, if some hot girl took the gold medal from right under her.
It doesn’t mean that Alexis hadn’t been bothered by it. It doesn’t mean she hadn’t gone back home irrationally expecting a call from Toronto. It doesn’t mean she hasn't thought of Stevie Budd an almost pathetic amount of times since.
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Alexis and Stevie reconnect at the Olympics after 4 years. David and Patrick meet for the first time.
They all come out of it with something worth its weight in gold.