1 - 20 of 411 Works in Thorin Is an Idiot

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo's hands gripped Thorin's wrists,the only thing stopping him from plummeting to the ground. He smiled softly. ~I didn't want it to be like this.~

    He fell from the gates, his body arching towards the stone as time seemed to slow. Several of the dwarrow cried out.

    With a sickening crunch Bilbo hit the stone, blood pooling from his head.

    It was if a bucket of water had been thrown over Thorin's head as with a snap the dragon sickness vanished. But it was too late.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    37,460
    Chapters:
    16/?
    Comments:
    269
    Kudos:
    266
    Bookmarks:
    81
    Hits:
    6127
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo could honestly never even try to explain how he got in this situation. One moment he was living in a shitty apartment and working to pay of the debts of his ex-boyfriend who fled the country. The next he's living in a luxurious mansion pretending to be the mommy of the son of the family head.

    But is there more to it then just that?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,061
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    106
    Kudos:
    179
    Bookmarks:
    34
    Hits:
    2086
  3. Tags
    Summary

    This thing started 4 years ago as a crack fic to amuse myself because honestly, dwarves are just ridiculous. As I returned to it after a long pause and it took an entirely different spin, a summary rewrite is a necessity.

    Bilbo Baggins had been touched by black magic. Her idle life in the Shire without any need to use her dark powers was turned upside down when Gandalf appeared at her doorstep to drag her yet again into trouble. But who wouldn't want to see a dragon? And the crowness king of dwarves wasn't so bad himself too. In hindsight, she should have just told the wizard to sod off.

    Thorin was quite ready to despise the newly acquired Company burglar, he was. Instead, he fell head over heels for her. Courting on the way to Erebor proves to be rather tricky when you're a directionally challenged jealous idiot and pretty much everyone ends up smitten with your One while literally nothing goes as planned.

    Throw in some dragon sickness angst, One Ring troubles, unexpected friendships and a lot of elves. Chaos ensues.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    129,548
    Chapters:
    19/?
    Comments:
    122
    Kudos:
    595
    Bookmarks:
    232
    Hits:
    24010
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Thorin Oakenshield is captured and enslaved. He is given a choice to either rape you or have members of his people killed by slavers. However, there is something about you that Thorin finds extremely intriguing way before he was put into this dilemma, and he can't figure out why. What is a dwarf to do?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,310
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    1921
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Hydra made a third and successful attempt at creating a super soldier. The Winter Soldier and the female Super Soldier from the second attempt had a child. Three is trained to kill and the perfect weapon with no name. In the official files, she´s called either that or "asset", but in truth she has no name. When she finally escapes, fate ruins her attempts at a fullfilled life. But how can you be happy when you're something between a broken puppet and a ghost of the past?

     

    ON HIATUS!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,361
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    58
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    2189
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Торину снятся дети. Он не знает их имен, не может их расслышать. Но он понимает: это его дети. И они уже никогда не появятся на свет. Он упустил свой единственный шанс.

    Series
    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    2,406
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    53
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo Baggins was a hobbit, that much was true. There was something that did set him apart however. He did not start as a hobbit, and he did not always take the form of one. You might recognize one of his other names. He is also known as Smaug the Dreadful, Smaug the Magnificent, and occasionally Silvertongue.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,690
    Chapters:
    23/?
    Comments:
    170
    Kudos:
    374
    Bookmarks:
    70
    Hits:
    7038
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Belladonna Baggins the Second is an Odd Hobbit, the Mad Baggins. She has always acted every inch of the Took her mother was, until her parents died that is. Left with her younger brother to care for, she has tried to make herself become every inch the Baggins she needs to be. She doesn't realize how badly that was going until a wizard shows up on her stoop. With nowhere else to go, Bella packs up both herself and Bilbo and joins the Company of one Thorin Oakenshield. The only problem is they think she's a male, and she's not sure how to tell them she isn't without meeting the business end of someone's axe. The lesson to be learned of all of this? Don't listen to Meddlesome Wizards.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    119,160
    Chapters:
    39/?
    Comments:
    111
    Kudos:
    224
    Bookmarks:
    84
    Hits:
    6048
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Billa goes into labor and Thorin isn't handling it well. Neither are anyone else but Glóin and his brother for that matter.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,354
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    148
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    1282
  10. Tags
    Summary

    "I wonder if death will always taste this good" - Given a second chance from the horror she lived with for years; Lena is thrown into a world she used to escape to when the day couldn't get any worse. Now, her mission is to change an ending or die knowing she couldn't stop it. Out of the pan and into the fire as they say. Little does the company know; she's already been through it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,305
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    98
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    1244
  11. Tags
    Summary

    In a world where no one dies and everything works out fine, Thorin and Bilbo are waking up to another productive morning. They just aren't prepared for what kind of productivity lies in store. They also aren't quite aware of their own odd sleeping habits apparently.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,359
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    47
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1098
  12. Tags
    Summary

    During the Second Age, Sauron created Witches; dark, powerful beings whose magic could do terrible things. Three of the four fell with Sauron, killed by the forces of Men and Elves, but one was lost - rumored to have hidden in the corners of the world, biding its time.

    Bilbo lives peacefully in Bag End. He's a reasonable cook, an excellent writer, and is Shire's best gardener.

    He also happens to the Last Witch of Morgul, but no one needs to know that.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,193
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    79
    Kudos:
    323
    Bookmarks:
    100
    Hits:
    3523
  13. Tags
    Summary

    One would think with the communication device in everyone's hands, life would be easier. Words would be more easily said. But no. Nothing is ever simple.

    The one where Bilbo is a tired teaching fellow and a part-time worker in a bookshop, his best friend is his student Ori who is in love with Fili and a lot of them are friends with Bofur who joined college late. Thorin, Fili's Uncle, is a grump and (apparently) the only sane member in his family. Balin is done with this lot. Dis is having too much fun. Frerin is just at the right place at the right time (or maybe it's the wrong place at the wrong time- it depends on the perspective). Dwalin and Nori are fucking. Balin and Dori are too. FIli and Ori are pining over each other and making Bofur and Bilbo's life hell.

    Even with these communication devices in their hand, these people, in teh best way possible, are a clusterfuck.

    Modern AU, Texting AU

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,420
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    39
    Kudos:
    80
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    1263
  14. Tags
    Summary

    A moment of peace on the quest

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,005
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    39
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    264
  15. Tags
    Summary

    After the great battle of the 5 Armies, Bilba Baggins. Good Burglar of Erebor, Riddle Maker, Barrel Rider of Underhill. Believes the family she had found under dwarves is dead. So she takes what she has and leaves as soon as she can, only to find two treasures had joined on her adventure. So- Vowing to keep them safe in the shire away from the real world, she hides the truth in her stories. But this isn't about her anymore. It about two Dwobbits determined to unburden their mother from danger. Leaving her to be safe in the shire as the two faunts sneak away to find the truths in their mother's stories...

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,353
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    104
    Bookmarks:
    44
    Hits:
    2652
  16. Tags
    Summary

    The night before Tyrion is scheduled to be executed for the alleged murder of King Joffrey Baratheon, he is visited by a peculiar old man who asks for his help in some mysterious quest. Before he knows it, the outcast Lannister finds himself teleported (quite literally) into Middle Earth and counted among the members of Thorin's company, who are questing to retake their home from an evil dragon. Tyrion must navigate the strange new reality he finds himself in, battling trolls, flying on giant eagles, and befriending all manner of strangers along the way. And as Tyrion soon learns, his own life is far from what he thought it was. There is a reason Tyrion felt he never belonged among the peoples of Westeros, but it is not a reason he would ever expect.

    Basically the Game of Thrones/Hobbit AU that literally no one asked for.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,213
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    83
  17. Tags
    Summary

    The Raven had started out as a whisper, a year after the Battle of the Five Armies.

    Now, five years after the Battle, the Raven is a well-known and feared killer.

    Meanwhile, a new band of orcs has risen up, and Thorin isn't sure Erebor can take them.

    But they might not be alone.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,210
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    78
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    839
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo Baggins is an respectful, caring, omega dragon, but his heart was torn beyond help from his wizard friends, no he needed love to mend his heart, but he wanted none of that. But Gandalf says other wise.

    Thorin is lovestruck at first sight and wants to shelter this innocent little halfling. But little does he know Bilbo is a tough cookie.

    Everyone is a little slow expect Ori and Bilbo; aka my little cookies.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,429
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    38
    Kudos:
    258
    Bookmarks:
    66
    Hits:
    7784
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Before reading this story, please read Svartalfheim.

    In this story, Loki survives the Dark world, thanks to his brother Byleistr. It explores the relationship that develops between them and the adventures that they have together. Not canon-compliant. However, I would include parts of Rangrock, Infinity War, and Endgame.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,324
    Chapters:
    15/?
    Comments:
    35
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1006
  20. Tags
    Summary

    You fell into middle earth and woke up on a massive hoard of gold, silver, trinkets and jewels. You had become ‘Smaug the terrible’. Only that you are clearly female and no dragon at all.

    The gold wasn’t as comfortable as it might have looked in the movies. And on top of that, being a dragon was boring. All day long staring at gold. No stories, no music, no company.

    You had already organized the treasures out of boredom, thank god you had read the hobbit and watched the movies, as you did with everything else from Tolkien you could get your hands on.

    Occasionally you would get out of the mountain to visit Lake Town. Bard was nice to you, as had been his father. He never asked where you came from, or how you got a hold of the long lost gold from the dragon's hoard. The dragon hasn’t been seen for more than sixty years, only the young girl visiting the city of men, trading gold for stories and books, avoiding the greedy claws of the town's mayor and his slimy advisor.

    It was about time that the company of Thorin Oakenshield arrived.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,505
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    118
    Kudos:
    162
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    1860

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