ClassicHazel



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    A few months prior to leaving the Dowling household, Crowley had downloaded Grindr for the sole purpose of catfishing randy morons. He was not expecting a paragraph that began with: ‘hello. I hope you don’t think this is too forward, but I couldn’t help but notice you have the most lovely nipples.’

     

    Crowley keeps trying to meet his Grindr fuckbuddy. Aziraphale keeps showing up at all his meeting spots. This is terrible.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,798
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    5/5
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    06 Jan 2020

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    "All right, I know I'm going to regret asking this," Aziraphale says. "What exactly does this wager entail?"

    Crowley grins like the cat that not only got the cream but has absconded with the entire cow. He grabs the bottle and swigs straight from it despite Aziraphale's tut of disapproval.

    "The pot goes to whichever demon can get an angel into bed by the end of the evening."

    AKA The Fic That Tumblr Made Me Write. Heaven and Hell share a corporate party once per millennium. This time someone's had the bright idea of issuing a challenge to the demons of Hell. Crowley has no intention of missing the opportunity; Aziraphale's just enough of a bastard to make him work for it.

    Language:
    English
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    17,381
    Chapters:
    1/1
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    306
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    06 Jan 2020

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    After the End That Wasn't, Heaven and Hell are leaving them alone. Entirely alone. (This is a story with nothing of miracles.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,360
    Chapters:
    1/1
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    267
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    1607
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    03 Jan 2020

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    “I want you!” Crowley shouts back. “I’ve wanted you for a long fucking time, angel, and don’t try to pretend you don’t know that. I want you, and I want you to make up your fucking mind. I am done with hanging around waiting for you to decide.”

    Crowley has had enough.

    Language:
    English
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    7,599
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    03 Jan 2020

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    CROWLEY: I try not to make a habit of gratitude, but I must give our appreciation to everyone out there who’s been listening and subscribing to The Ineffable Plan.
    AZIRAPHALE: Ooh, yes, we’ve become quite popular, haven’t we?
    CROWLEY: Yeah, just hit number eight on the advice charts … No advertising at all.
    AZIRAPHALE: Mm. How … miraculous.
    CROWLEY: … Aziraphale. You did not.

     

    ***

    Crowley and Aziraphale are very possibly the people least qualified, on the entire planet, to start up an advice podcast.

    But what else is there to do when the world isn’t ending anytime soon, you’re technically on indefinite sabbatical from your lifelong careers, and you need a plausible excuse to spend more time with your best friend who you’re definitely not, absolutely not, maybe just a little, actually maybe overwhelmingly in love with?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,541
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    594
    Kudos:
    4306
    Bookmarks:
    1398
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    24643

    03 Jan 2020

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