gallopingmelancholia



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  1. Public Bookmark 87

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    Ben Hanscom ✔ @benhandsome
    Hey @richietozier, we’re having real trouble putting together our new bookcase. Think one of the brackets is warped. Don’t suppose you have a long, rigid tool that could help us out? #dicktozier

    Richie ‘The Second Best’ Tozier ✔ @richietozier
    replying to @benhandsome

    Oh yeah, sure Ben! Always happy to help a friend out. How about this one, will it do? #dicktozier
    [attached image is a close up of Eddie’s middle finger]

    Eddie ‘The Functional’ Tozier ✔ @eddietozier
    replying to @richietozier @benhandsome

    Can I suggest this one instead? Overcompensating much, Ben? #dicktozier
    [attached image is a photo of Ben’s incredibly bulging bicep, shirtless and flexed. It looks oddly as though it might also be oiled]

    Richie Tozier, famed comedian, shy debutante and adored husband of the Internet, gets his own trending hashtag after Bill accidentally reveals too much in a DVD extra. He also gets an Oscar nomination, but no-one's talking about that. Unfortunately.
    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,279
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    166
    Kudos:
    1130
    Bookmarks:
    87
    Hits:
    8302

    17 Sep 2020

  2. Public Bookmark *

    Words:
    57,278
    Works:
    6
    Bookmarks:
    425

    10 Sep 2020

  3. Public Bookmark 38

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    “Aw, now, pun’kin, did you wear them all special for lil’ ol’ me?” Richie asks. 

    “No,” Eddie says, his voice sharp with the annoyance Richie is seeking. It makes Richie grin to himself.

    “I wore them for me,” Eddie says. “But your opinion…” He clears his throat. “Matters.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,803
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    193
    Bookmarks:
    38
    Hits:
    3629

    09 Sep 2020

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    “How have you been here like, five hours and you’re running my shitty life already,” Richie grumbles, stifling a yawn. “Are there type-A dogs? Is that a thing?”

    Hot dogs for breakfast, courtesy of chef Richie, who wonders aloud if this is like, cannibalism before he puts it on a plate in front of him. Being a dog sucks, Eddie thinks gloomily, thoughts thick with visions of steel-cut oatmeal and green juices and honeydew melon, although his new taste buds have decided that hot dogs are actually just fine. His mind is the same, unfortunately, and he has to keep himself from thinking too hard on macros and his sodium intake and whether or not hot dogs are gluten-free, because he’s already got a fragile grip on everything like this and he thinks he’d lose it entirely if he did. He’d spent forty years knowing his body, every little thing about it, maintaining it carefully, like a temple, and now he doesn’t know the first thing about it. In fact, he has no idea if dogs can even have gluten allergies.


    After Derry, Richie is caught in the throes of grief, and Eddie is a miniature American Eskimo/Pomeranian cross.
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,165
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    122
    Kudos:
    654
    Bookmarks:
    231
    Hits:
    4118

    09 Sep 2020

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Eddie has never been to Richie’s birthday party.

    But Richie had kind of hoped this time would be different.

    ---

    A present for Richie Tozier on his birthday, because he deserves it.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,357
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    104
    Kudos:
    998
    Bookmarks:
    283
    Hits:
    10613

    09 Sep 2020

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