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30 Sep 2020
It’s been two months. They don’t text, though Felix’s number is saved in Dimitri’s phone, and he sometimes wistfully stares at it. They don’t talk. This is the way they meet: by opportunity, by convenience, by … excuse. They meet at events, at functions, which Felix attends because it’s his job, and which Dimitri attends because he is looking to become elected to the highest government seat in Fódlan. This is the space between them. This is the inches between Felix’s hand and his own. This is every word they’ve ever spoken in anger. Yes, then: he’s missed Felix, his body and his voice and the strange ways he cares for people. He’s missed him every day for the past five years.
This wouldn't be an issue if they didn't keep sleeping with each other.
03 Sep 2020
‘I warned you, Felix,’ Dimitri added, almost conversationally. ‘You knew what would happen, if you came back.’
Felix said nothing.
‘You want it,’ Dimitri said. There was something very like surprise in his voice, almost human, and Felix hated it, hated that his body was responding, hated that—yes—he wanted it, wanted the boar’s force, his body, his violence, wanted to be—to be held down and—
‘You’ve always wanted it,’ Dimitri murmured, like a revelation.
27 Aug 2020
Despite the decades behind them, it astounds him that he is allowed to do this. It has been thirty years since he first kissed Felix: then, on the battlefield, amidst corpses and demonic beasts, the two of them darkened with grime and blood. Their bodies were young, ardent, possessed with a longing neither of them quite knew what to do with.
Now desire comes to them more slowly. Dimitri has learned patience. He knows Felix’s body so intimately it might well be his own. He knows that the backs of Felix’s arms are unbearably sensitive, and that a kiss lain at the base of his vulnerable neck will leave him panting with desire. He knows that his left hip aches when it thunders. He knows how Felix falls asleep, and how he comes awake. He knows how he looks in the throes of pleasure, when the world falls away from their fingertips and there is nothing left in the world than this chamber, this bed, this moment, this us.
22 Aug 2020
The third time Felix fucks his former best friend, he realizes two things:
There is a dark, dire wanting, inside his ribcage, for the savagery and inhumanity that resides within Dimitri. And—
Dimitri knows it, now.
Wei Wuxian smiles at him. Lan Wangji smiles back, helpless not to.
‘Don’t do that,’ Wei Wuxian says.
‘Smile like that,’ says Wei Wuxian, in a very how dare you!!!! sort of fashion. ‘How am I supposed to think when I know you can smile like that!’
‘Don’t think,’ Lan Wangji advises.
Wei Wuxian comes back to the Cloud Recesses for the winter months. He and Lan Wangji learn that emotional intimacy and physical intimacy are not (yet) quite synonymous.
They have time to figure it out.