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totally fucked (/sometimes not knowing when to quit bites back, /when a look means more than or less than, /it's okay to admit you didn't know how to ask for what you wanted) by a-bigail (spacepuck)
12 Oct 2020
“So you’re not dating, then?”
“Hah, no. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Yun, but she’s not exactly the dating type. Not for the long-term and definitely not for what us lowly casuals call love. I’m surprised I started today with money still left in my wallet.”
“I just didn’t think you were interested in hookups,” Yuki says. “That’s all.”
“Well, maybe I wouldn’t be if you would just let me date you, but your high standards have left me no choice, Yun-Yun.” Kakeru lolls his head back, an exaggerated sigh leaving him and hitting the ceiling of the café, and lets his arms hang limp at his sides as though allowing his soul to give up. It puts the hickey on his lower neck more obviously on display. “If I can’t be with a princess, then I’ll just have to settle for a girl who thinks she is one.”
Kakeru, Kimi, and Yuki hook up during their second year of college. It seemed like a good idea at the start.
05 Sep 2020
There had been a change. It struck Yuki as he woke, at such an early hour that his room was still tinged blue from dawn, to a house still bereft of the morning noises he had gotten so used to that it still felt disorienting to not hear them. He woke early, first to a dry mouth, and then to a sense of dread sitting disquieted in his chest. And then, he had a thought:
There would always, always be more things to hide behind.
At first he had tried to go back to sleep, but instead of the words washing down to nothing but a tired and intrusive thought, they rattled in him. Scurrying under his bones, becoming so pervasive that he finally had no choice but to twist himself out of bed and attempt to walk it off instead.
He paced his bedroom. He went downstairs for water. He slid open one of the doors to stand on the engawa, still cool from dew, and tried to let the quiet of the morning settle him again. The gentle weight of early summer eked through the early hour and pressed to him, like hands cradling his jaw.
It all only served to wake him up further and have him think again, with a new clarity and urgency, that he needed to talk to Kakeru.
Yuki decides to finally tell Kakeru a secret.
22 Jul 2020
The assignment is straightforward enough: get more information on Hashitano Corporation’s CFO, Eiji Kuragi. Ascertain if the shop his daughter runs is a front for his private dealings, and if so, what for. Report back and cease contact with the subject unless otherwise directed.
Yuki, a high-ranking member of the Sohma family syndicate, figures the job will be simple. It's not until he meets the assignment's subjects, reserved shopkeep Machi Kuragi and her over-friendly associate, Kakeru Manabe, that he struggles to complete the task as planned. In a turn of events that leaves him strung between the trust of his family and the trust of his new acquaintances, Yuki must make a decision: to stay loyal to the Sohmas, or pursue his wish to leave the family business once and for all.
03 Jul 2020
Yuki tugged on Kakeru’s hand firmly, either to scold him for laughing or to accentuate his point. “You’re just avoiding me!”
“I am not.” Kakeru pressed the back of his free hand against his mouth, sputtering the last of his laughter into it, before saying, “It just doesn’t matter. Swear.”
“What? Why not?”
“Well,” Kakeru said, and he was acutely aware of how Yuki continued to hold his hand, fingers curled loose into his palm. Gently, he pulled back. “It’s not like they like me back.”
Yuki placed his hand back beside him on the floor. He looked down at it, splaying his fingers wide and shut again, before asking, “...You still like them, then?”
Kakeru wiped his hand on his jeans as it grew clammy.
Yuki murmured something under his breath. It sounded close to a curse, but Kakeru wasn’t sure.
Kakeru was readying himself for him to say something that would give him chest pains, something like 'that’s really sad' or 'that sounds lonely,' but instead, when Yuki next spoke, his words were so quiet Kakeru wasn’t sure he had heard him right.
Yuki gets trapped in a closet (again). Kakeru is trapped with him.
20 Mar 2020
He noticed as the sunset made his skin err towards tawny, the way it often turned in the summer, a collection of long weekends at the sea layering on him before the new semester would peel them away in half tones. Within the lengthened shadows was the shift of exaggerated legs, his arm made long and vampiric as he stretched it out from his body and took it back in. His hand pressed again to the notebook where, Yuki knew though he couldn’t see, small cartoons and doodles marked the margins. Correct answers circled multiple times over, mistakes crumpled and half-faded from a hasty erase.
He thought of the dark smudge of graphite that had probably stained the side of his hand. How it was probably marking up his notebook. How he probably wouldn’t even notice until it was pointed out to him.
How he’d laugh about it.
Kakeru comes over to study. Yuki studies him in turn.