“Words spoken rather than shown
Contain half of the hearts desires”
Friday, September 19th
She placed the final, securely taped cardboard box in the trunk of the black Rover - a gift from her aunt for passing her A-Levels, accepted with reluctance, and got comfortable in the driver’s seat. She checked her make up in the mirror and exhaled deeply. 3 years. I can do it. She drove out of the driveway and put her seatbelt on.
Patsy had secretly been waiting for the opportunity to study away from home for years. She wanted a fresh start. A hopeful future. She wanted the late night coffee studying sessions, still drunk mornings, 9 cigarettes before her mid-term examinations. Most of all, however, she wanted to escape her past; family in particular. Or the lack of one, really. Her aunt had raised her, as her parents died in a car accident when Patsy was a mere 6 years old. All she had was her dog, which unfortunately did not get accepted to do a Psychology degree and therefore had to stay at home. Home. Where was home? Was is the two story house in the outskirts of London? Or was it going to be the en-suite room on campus in Cardiff, Wales? She wanted to- no. She needed to get away and start fresh. And this was it.
Some man at the car park volunteered to help her bring the boxes inside, and she politely accepted. There were 5 large and 4 smaller boxes and a suitcase lined up alongside the wall. 9 boxes which contained her entire life. All she had. After unpacking her toiletries and every day clothing, she decided to freshen up and take a walk around campus. She did not know anybody at the university. It didn’t phase her, though, because the thing Patsy appreciated in herself was the lack of reliance on other people. She was self efficient and she only trusted herself. Why would she let people in only to watch them leave a little bit later? It wasn’t something she planned, but it did prove useful when being home schooled. She didn’t have anyone, and now she didn’t need anyone. False. She needed someone more than she would dare to admit, but she never would and so she settled for her collection of Dickinson and Shakespeare novels, falling for soliloquy and the scent of old paper, instead of people.
She took in the city. It was truly lovely and it looked like a lot of fun, a large park covered in freshly cut grass and leftovers of Spring flowers, currently filled with various 19 year olds, waving off their parents and hugging their siblings goodbye. Patsy walked the other way. She decided to stop at a shop to buy something to eat for dinner, and some red wine to go along with it. As she entered her campus flat she noticed the light being on in the communal kitchen, everyone must have already gotten to know each other. A loud laugh rang in her ears as Patsy headed to her room. She got a strange feeling of familiarity and shook it off quickly. She got changed into some comfortable clothes and put her hair into a messy bun before heading to the kitchen. A young, petite blonde girl welcomed her with possibly the widest and whitest smile she’d ever witnessed.
“Hello! You must be Patience?” The reference to her name earned a loud snigger in the corner of the kitchen. Patsy clenched her jaw but proceeded smiling. “I thought you got lost or kidnapped or something, I left a note on your door to come into the kitchen at seven! I’m Trixie, by the way. And that’s Barbara and Delia. The four of us are meant to be living here together.” Trixie’s voice was excited and quite high-pitched, however not false in the slightest. She seemed like a genuinely lovely person. “Hi- Yeah I only got back a few minutes ago, so I didn’t get to read it yet. Lovely to meet you all though. And it’s Patsy, thanks.” She eyed the girl in the corner of the room. Owner of the infamous laugh, she presumed. However, she did not expect that the girl would be so pretty. She had thick, long almost black hair, eyes bluer than any oceans and rivers combined, along with a cheeky but astonishing smile. She wasn’t pretty, she was gorgeous. But, she had made fun of Patsy’s name and was therefore presumed enemy for the time being. God she was beautiful. And a bitch. Yes, a bitch.
“Oh I see! Sorry. Well then Patsy, are you coming to the paint party with us tonight?” She had failed to notice the girls’ outfits, all white and neon paint hand prints covering them. “I’m afraid not. I have a lot of unpacking to do still, maybe next time?” Trixie knocked back the remainder of her double vodka, and began heading out. “I suppose we’ll forgive you. This time. And you better or else we’ll have to blackmail you into it!” The quiet brown-haired girl then spoke up. Barbara. “You do not want to get onto Trixie’s bad side. Trust me.” Trixie slapped her across her shoulder and the pair walked out laughing. Patsy’s attention was then brought to the only other person left in the building. Delia. “Aren’t you going out with them?” The girl looked directly at Patsy for the first time, and her eyes lit up with something. She didn’t know what though, all she knew was that nobody has ever properly looked at her before, not like that. Delia smiled. “I mean, I guess I would if I could dance.” Patsy’s eyebrow rose, then finally she had clicked on, spotting a pair of crutches near the kitchen table. “Oh! I’m sorry I didn’t realise. Look at me, haven’t known you an hour and I’m already making an impression of an idiot.” Patsy awkwardly stood playing with the hem of her shirt. Delia then shifted to the end of the sofa, not meeting Patsy’s gaze momentarily. “Shit happens. Especially when you get black out drunk and wake up in your best friend’s back yard.” She looked as if she was deciding between something, frozen in thought for a split second and finally looking up at Patsy. “Could you pass me the crutches please?” She smiled shyly, which seemed rare for the way she carried herself during other moments and whispered a thank you when Patsy filled her request.
Patsy looked around the kitchen and got a glass for the wine, and began walking out. “I’m going to go unpack. If you need anything please let me know.” Patsy smiled without looking at Delia. She turned to walk out, and Delia grabbed her arm. Patsy swore it felt like she had just electrocuted her as impossible as it seemed. “I’m sorry. For laughing at your name. I don’t think its ugly- promise. I just feel like I’ve heard it before. It made me nervous.” Patsy looked down. “Its fine. I’m used to that reaction” Forced laugh. “Don’t worry about it, Delia.” The shorter girl smiled tightly and let go of Patsy’s arm. The taller walked out.
Patsy felt unbelievably strange. Her heart was going noticeably faster than usual and her breath wasn’t all so steady. She unpacked one box and went to the bathroom to get a shower.
Delia made her way to her bedroom, coincidentally facing Patsy’s room. She let her hair down and brushed her teeth. Uncovering her bed, she sat down and closed her eyes. “I told you I’d find you.”
“Connection was an illusion,
until I connected with you.”
Monday, 24th September
Patsy woke up to loud music blasting nearby. It took her a minute to register where she was, however looking out of the window facing her bed she recollected the past weekends events. Sunday morning consisted of tracking down a library for all of the books from her reading list- “You can never be too prepared, Patience.” - her aunt used to say. She unpacked the rest of her belongings, filling a kitchen cupboard with various both necessary and useless cutlery, decorated the majority of her room, cleaned the bathroom from a quite ghastly drinking accident the previous night and bought daffodils for her window sill. It was Monday morning and her first ever lecture wasn’t until 1 p.m. Thank God, she thought. She brought her mind back and focused on the music, looking at the time on her phone. 7.34 a.m. Wow. She didn’t have to ask herself whose room the absurdly loud music had came from. Delia of course. The girl constantly had people coming in and out of her room, making friends must’ve been the least of her worries. Patsy washed her face, brushed her teeth and put on her outfit for the day. She put on some natural make up- a mere 17 products. She was a fan of the new contouring trend, what could she do? Deciding it was time for a much needed cup of coffee, she grabbed her room key and made her way downstairs.
“I do not understand her need for such loud music at an ungodly hour!” She heard a conversation between Trixie and Barbara coming from the kitchen.
“Maybe its her coping mechanism from being away from home, Trix? We all must seem strange to each other-” “I do not care if it is. I need to sleep until 9.30 each morning if I want to keep my dewy skin. One more week with Delia making my ears bleed and I’ll look like someone’s grandmother!”
A laugh. Then doors closing. Then complete silence. Moments later, loud steps down the stairs. She smiled.
Patsy was on her own now, well, partially. She turned the coffee maker she had spent at least half of her last month wages on and waited for the water to boil. She heard the door of the fridge open behind her and as she turned around she was faced with possibly the most adorable view she had ever seen.
Delia yawned loudly before grabbing a bottle of milk and a tea bag. She wore bright pink pyjamas, much resembling a onesie and rubbed her eyes open.
“I’m sorry for the music. Trixie had some boy over last night and if it weren’t necessary I wouldn’t have blasted that for the entire campus to hear. I didn’t get sleep so neither will she.” A satisfied smile on her face. Patsy laughed. “I feel like our only encounters end or begin with you apologising to me. And I don’t mind too much, honestly, I wake up at 7 most days anyway.
"Voluntarily? Are you an alien?” Delia feigned a gasp.
“Don’t tell anyone.” Patsy winked- surprising herself and the other girl, which resulted in two students standing in a messy, sticky floored kitchen matching the colour of their bright red kettle and toaster set.
“I won’t if you won’t.” She blinked back. Wait. Did she?
They proceeded with their morning routines for a while until they both sat down at the leather sofa, switching the television on.
“What time is your first lecture at?”
The atmosphere got thick and awkward, despite the Welsh girl being already known for her wide vocabulary.
“What do you study, Delia?” Patsy took a sip of her now chilled coffee.
“Psychology, it seems good enough to get a career in so why not, right?”
“It seems that way indeed. Probably the reason I decided to do it, also.”
Delia’s face lit up like a child’s on Christmas, and she turned to face Patsy grabbing her arm, thoughtlessly.
“Oh Pats! How great is that, we can have study dates and help each other with essays!” It took at least 15 seconds but Delia realised she spoke too much and too soon. She froze for a moment, wholeheartedly hoping Patsy wouldn’t find her annoying or excessive.
She noticed Delia’s mood raise immediately and she couldn’t quite put her finger on why, as well as resolutely questioning the use of a nickname after having a total of two conversations, as well as the use of the term ‘date’. She retreated to herself, making Delia let go of her sheepishly and cleared her throat.
“Patsy is my name, I’d appreciate if you used it. Also, I’d like to point out that group and pair tasks are quite rare in our course, if you need help you can always check the library.”
Delia’s face dropped immediately and she looked down at her hands.
Patsy stood up far too abruptly to look calm, and bit herself quickly for the outburst on the source of her emotions these last few days. Fix it!
“I-I’m- I have to go now.” And she did, although she did not have anywhere to be for the next four hours.