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Avenger Burrito Yes Iron Man Not Recommended

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1

 

 

 

Tony blinked awake feeling something off in his room. He peaked out blurry eyed from his blankets. At some point in the night he’d rolled himself into a blanket burrito with barely his eyes and top of his head sticking out. He’d also rolled onto the floor which was odd but he wasn’t complaining because burrito blankets were comfortable and he dared anyone to try and tell him they weren’t.

 

When he blinked awake he looked up to find Loki looking down at him. He’s still waking up so his sassy comebacks and self-preservation are both failing when he speaks.

 

“Don’t think I can’t kick your ass like this. Fear the tiny avenger burrito.”

 

Loki covers his mouth laughing before he picks up the hero that looks far too adorable to take vengeance on for his past defeat. Tony doesn’t understand what happened but he finds himself laying with his head resting in the god’s lap as gentle circles are rubbed into his back. He decides maybe Loki isn’t there for revenge for what happened during his invasion and falls back to sleep.

 

 

 2

 

 

 

Tony Stark was use to kidnapping by this point. So when Hydra kidnapped him wanting weapons Tony decided he’d been awake for the past five days so he was going to ignore their demands. They threw him in a cell and would probably begin torture soon so he took the blanket and curled himself into what Loki called the adorable avenging burrito. Why the god had decided to give up his evil ways because Tony could be adorable sometimes he’ll never know. Thor was still off world and the other avengers hadn’t accepted his invitation to stay at the tower so he hadn’t bothered telling anyone the once super villain had changed sides.

 

He had probably managed a few hours of sleep before the door to his cell opened. He opened his eyes and let out a yawn before he blinked up at the man towering over him. His blurry sleep gaze sees the man has something shiny on his arm and is wearing a mask of some kind but he’s not going to make weapons so Hydra can fuck off.

 

“Release the tiny burrito otherwise I will be forced to throw my tiny black bean filling at you.” He mumbles to the man because he’s really not going to take Hydra seriously when they were beaten by Captain America and took decades to even regain their forces to show up again.

 

He’s not sure what happens after that as he’s picked up and flung over the man’s shoulder. All he knows is he can’t see shit and he’s trapped in the blankets while bullets are flying and people are screaming and cursing. When he’s finally put down he stares up at Loki who’s glaring at the man who was holding him.

 

“Hey Lokes, tiny burrito is hungry from being kidnapped.”

 

Loki smiled at him.

 

“Tiny burrito will be fed then.”

 

Tony grins before he flops back over to rest until food is brought. He’s still tired because a few hours isn’t nearly enough sleep.

 

~

 

 

 

 

 

3

 

 

 

The first to accept Tony’s offer to stay at the tower is Steve and he doesn’t even call before arriving at the tower. Tony was in his usual burrito form and laying across Loki’s and Bucky’s lab. He’d learned the identity of his rescuer and when the man had recovered enough from Hydra’s mind fuckery(Tony’s words and Loki knows he can fuck off if he tells him one more time its not an actual word) he’d explained that Tony had just been to adorable to let suffer at Hydra’s hands. It was JARVIS who had found his identity and while Tony had told Bucky about Steve still being alive the man hadn’t wanted to see him yet. He had gotten oddly attached to the two and he silently put his claim on them both. He’s pretty sure they both know he likes them and the tiny smiles he gets from the two make him think they also know of his claim on them. He's not sure though so maybe later he'll write his name on them. if they object he can't have them otherwise let the world know his name is in fact on them so they're his.

 

So that’s how Steve finds them when he comes to the tower. Burrito Tony laying on his best friend who he thought was dead and the former super villain would be ruler of the world.

 

“Bucky?” Then he looks at Loki and has his shield out. “What have you done to Bucky and Tony?”

 

“Capsicle put your shield away. Tiny burrito will kill you if you take away his cuddle companions.” Tony grumbles as he somehow manages to roll over still encased in his protective layers to curl in further to his pillows(AKA Loki and Bucky who both have reluctantly accepted their fate as pillows because tiny burrito cuteness).

 

Steve stares a moment but somehow Tony’s to adorable and both Loki and Bucky have matching fond smiles so he accepts that there’s no threat for the moment.

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

4

 

 

 

Tony was finding himself spending his time as a burrito more often so he wasn’t surprised when Fury finally found out about the former winter soldier and Loki being at the tower that he was wrapped up in his blankets. When the director of Shield arrived he had with him Natasha and Clint. The one eyed man glared at Tony as he demanded, “What the hell is going on here?”

 

Tony had his mouth open and Bucky had a fry half way to his mouth as he, Bucky, Loki, and oddly enough Steve stared at the confused Shield agents.

 

“Tiny burrito demanded potato sacrifices.” Loki answered straight face which only added to the odd situation.

 

“Of course I demanded potatoes as sacrifices. They are the weaker species therefore they are to be my food.”

 

Bucky feeds him a fry which has the inventor smiling. Natasha raises a brow seeing Steve and Loki both holding fries like they want to feed Tony to. If Nat and Clint thought Fury was going to yell at them they were surprised when Fury picked up a fry and fed it to Tony to.

 

“Director?” Clint asked confused.

 

“If you ever tell anyone I did this I’ll kill you both.” He said already picking up another fry.

 

Fury will say until the day he dies that Loki did some weird magic thing to him. Loki will correct Fury every time saying Tony is just adorable. Loki’s words were confirmed when Coulson arrived after hearing the story and fed the tiny burrito Tony apples slices.

~

 

 

 

5

 

 

 

 

All the avengers except Thor and Bruce knew about Loki and the burrito cure(Clint’s words not Tony’s) because apparently adorable burrito Tony can cure anything from evil alien gods filled with enough anger to try world domination to brain washed assassins.

 

So when Bruce finally showed up to and saw Loki and Hulked out Natasha grabbed the nearest blanket and speed wrapped Tony while Steve threw the inventor(who oddly enough was crying out weee excitedly like being thrown by Captain America was a ride at a carnival) towards the Hulk. The green giant easily caught the still surprised inventor. He blinked up at the confused giant and smiled.

 

“Hey buddy, I missed you. Have you heard I’ve given up being human to be a burrito? I think we should be burritos together, we can overthrow the human race.”

 

Hulk was confused but decided he liked burrito Tony as he laid down and cuddled with tiny burrito Tony. The inventor didn’t complain as he fell asleep against Hulk. Later on neither Steve or Natasha complain when Bruce, Tony, a very upset Loki and Bucky all kick them and tell them they were reckless. Even Tony didn’t have as much faith in his powers as a burrito to calm an angry Hulk.

 

+1

 

 

So Tony probably should have found a way to contact Thor but he’d been enjoying himself. He still did the responsible adult thing of signing papers when Pepper told him to and he had to answer a few calls to assemble. Still when Thor did show up he didn’t come alone as he brought his father Odin with him. Tony had kind of forgotten that Loki was a criminal in more than just their world.

Odin Allfather wasn’t happy that his son escaped his cell. When the two arrived Bucky was holding Tony who was wrapped up in his usual blankets. Loki was holding a yogurt he’d been eating and sharing with the two mortals when Thor and Odin walked in.

“Brother, you will cease your evils ways at once.”

 

“Oh thank god, at least someone understands that yogurt is evil.” Tony said relieved because Loki had been trying to make him eat healthy.

 

“Hush you, it’s healthy for you.” Loki said as he and Bucky stood with the inventor still secure in the former assassin’s arms.

 

“You will return to Asgard Loki.” Odin said his one eye narrowed on Loki.

Tony shifted a bit trying to get free to help defend Loki which caused some food he’d apparently spilled earlier to fall.

“Thor you’re upsetting our tiny burrito that he’s spilling his beanie goodness everywhere.” Clint said in a tone that Tony honestly couldn’t tell if he was joking.

He looked down to see he had just dropped a black bean.

“Oh that’s not mine; it’s just from earlier cannibalism. Did you know burritos are delicious? I don’t think I was related to that one.” 

“My friend, Loki must be returned to Asgard.”

Tony looked at Thor.

“Um how about no, I like Loki and he cuddles with me so he’s staying. Without him I’ll overcook if he doesn’t balance out the heater that is Bucky Barnes. No offense Bucky you know I love you to.”

“Its fine, I’m not letting anyone take Loki either. I like his icy hands for massages.”

“He cannot stay here. He’s dangerous.” Odin said gripping his spear like he was ready to attack.

Bruce proceeded to Hulk out and fling the older god around like a rage doll. When the green giant finally put the god down he leaned over and glared.

“Tiny burrito says punky god stays.”

Odin groaned while Thor stood there shocked. Bucky walked over still holding Tony.

“So let’s discuss Loki staying.” Tony said with a grin.

It didn’t take long to convince Odin. Between Hulk beating him up and the god now focused on Tony and unable to deny the charms that come with tiny adorable burrito Tony. When Odin finally leaves having agreed to let Loki remain with Tony the god has already resumed attempting to feed him yogurt.

“I refuse to eat that stuff. Bring me more of my own kind.” Tony says in that teasing tone that means he’s actually serious.

No one questions Tony accepting his role as a burrito when he’s not working and his sudden love for eating burritos. They also hope Tony never realizes he could have the whole universe kneeling before him if he just asked while using his burrito powers.