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I fear the New Moon

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I fear the New Moon.

I always was scared when the sun was going down and night - that fucking night - was starting. Every time I can feel my senses go dull, my body weakening with every second as the colors fade to darkness in the sky above my head. I always feel weak, hopeless and useless. One could think I should get used to the change of my body by now - well, nope.

You know, I've lived in fear for my life since I can remember. Youak trying to gut me and humans trying to burn my as could use this night to get rid of me for good. I can't protect myself even against weaklings when I am a human.

I am bound to the ground at the night of the first day of a new month. I can't leap to a branch and watch over you and our friends from above. I am too afraid to go far from our camp. My pride suffers because I must let others protect me, but at the same time I am happy that I have people willing to do just this - protect my miserable and confused human ass. I am unwilling to put distance between us because I can't fight back the urge, the longing to be at your side... And at the same time I'm afraid to remain close because I can't hide my emotions good enough.

Now I fear the black moon even more than before.

Because, you know, since I met you I found a new reasn to dread this dammed night. You taught me how to make friends and rely on them - and how to worry about their well-being. I fear I can fail at protecting you, that my weak self cannot guard you. You are like a candle, you know, showing me the right way. I must protect your light because without it I wouldn't know what to do. And as a puny human I feel I can't fulfil this duty efficiently enough.

And when I tell you that you just smile and tell me that you accept all of me, my weaknesses and strengths. You are crazy, you know? And I guess I am too, for caring for such a crazy person who trusts in a weak half-breed to protect her.

But, you know, I don't mind being crazy, as long as you are beside me.