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His name is John

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His name is John Egbert. He was the first of many characters you were bound to meet. Back then he was the main character, the hero in a sense. But the more pages you read, the more people you met, he slowly became less and less significant. After a while you began to think of him as boring in comparison to everyone else. He became nothing more than a baseline. A character made for the sole purpose of ensuring that your introduction to this intricate tale ran smoothly.

That is John, is it not? Another carbon copy of the “lovable jokester” character that’s been recycled by hollywood for ages.

Tell me, is this John?

No.

Just because you didn’t see more to him doesn’t mean it wasn’t there.

You didn’t get to see the days when he felt so terribly wrong for a reason he couldn’t figure out. Nor did you see when he crumbled under that weight of trying to live up to who he was supposed to be. He didn’t show you the fear he feld when he realized he wasn’t the standard issue “main guy” everyone assumed he was. It wasn’t something you needed to see.

You saw what came after. The desperation to cling to what remained of who he thought he was. You saw the notes his father left, a silent gesture of support and acknowledgement. You saw a boy who liked shitty movies and pulling pranks. Someone who wanted to be a hero and never let anything get to him.

You saw all of that, but you did not see everything. You didn’t see him struggle between wanting to throw away the standards he held himself to and the fear of losing control by doing so.

You saw him claiming not to be a homosexual.

You didn’t see that he was just a kid trying to cling to whatever shred of normalcy he had left.

John is a lot more than you give him credit for.