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GREATEST MOB PSYCHO FIC OF ALL TIME

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Reigen died in the middle of the street at three in the morning with no one to remember him at all.

V stop making sad au’s!!!! You make me cry!!!!

 

SHUT THE FUNK UP I DO WHAT I WANT

Across the city, unconnected and unaware, a boy sat in a hospital, head buried in his hands. He did not cry. He knew what the price would be. The boy had long hair

He had long eyes

He had long face

And mother didnt like it

Like jeb bush, he was a mess

 

Reigen…… is gay and also dead REST IN PEPPERONI

 

Give me….. Prompt

And then serizawa embraced reigen and kissed him passionatley

Hear it hurgling hurgusburgus

 

I demand we all go on VC and argue about this clusterfuck because that just makes MORE fun

 

Teruki Hanazawa pulled a gun out of his wig. “Wow, Reigen you motherfucker. You think you can defeat me in my realm?” He said and shot Reigen fifty times.

Reigen fell to his knees, but it was just for effect. Little did Teru realize that earlier, Reigen had anticipated this, and switched the gun for a bubble gun. He marveled at his own genius in silence for a few moments, and then got back to his feet. “Anyways.”

Teru fucking screamed. That man was a genius. So Teru ate the gun quickly as he no longer needed it. “VOREFine then, Mr. Reigen. It’s not vore if it’s on the moon.” And suddenly he vored him.

SUDDENLY SHOU BURST OUT OF THE SEWERS. “HEY GUYS WANTS SOME PIZZA???” he said heterosexually.  Joke’s on him though, because here’s Ritsu.

From deep within Teru’s heart, Reigen screeched. He would never pass up free food, especially that offered by tiny psychic children.

Teru started beat boxing in excitement. “Oh boy oh boy! I’d love some of that sweet heterosexual gender conforming pizza!”

He cried table salt tears, Reigen’s signature move. It didn’t help with spirits or anything, it just sort of happened.

“No,” said Shou, “heterosexual, gender-conforming pizza is only for Good Beans.” He backflipped away, holding the Domino’s. It was beautiful. He landed on his feet perfectly and tore off the corner of the box with his teeth and kept it in his mouth. He didn’t even swallow. He just held it there.

“YOU’LL NEVER TAKE MY FIBER ALIVE!!” he yelled.

“Fuckin,,, try me,” whispered Teru. Despite his location, Reigen took his gun and shot him in the wig, causing it to disintegrate.Teru let out a demonic screech.

Teru clutched his heart, doubling over. “Fuckbeans,” he wheezed, “ fuckbeans .”

“Watch your motherfucking language,” Reigen admonished from somewhere within Teru.

Teru continued to exist, despite everyone not wanting him to. He shed a single tear. “But… I’m a good bean…… HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET OUT OF MY TUMMY. REIGEN SAN GET BACK IN THERE. I’m getting indigestion.”

“Ew gross no I hate vore,” yelled reigen as he punched teru in the balls.

“SHOU DOES NOT FUCK BEANS ,” said shou, who was turning into the Hulk for no discernible reason at all. “SHOU ONLY FRIENDS WITH BEANS.

Quick, here comes Ritsu stepped out from the shadows. He hadn’t been blending in to them or anything, everyone had just been ignoring him.

“Shou,” ritsu cried, devastated, “are their other beans in your life?”

Shigeo suddenly appeared and boy was he disappointed. “Wow you guys. Can’t believe this shit. A Yu-Gi-Oh match without me? You guys got nothing on my Blue Eyes White Dimple.” He screeched and grew five arms.

“Fuck you,” said Shou, “ Digimon is better.” He grew six arms, just to spite Mob.He held ritsu with all six of his arms tenderly. Reigen cried and chewed on his Pokemon cards. He had never even heard of Digimon. Kids these days.

THEN ritsu appeared. “NIi-san I hate you” he said and then vanished into the sewer. Shou followed him singing the ducktales theme song.

“What the fuck did you just say about me you little fuck? I’ll have you know I survived the entire Mogami arc and only came out crying for two weeks. I will step on your grave. I will eat all of the cheese in your home. I will delete you.”

“Hey does anyone in this thread smoke weed?” asked Minegishi, who physically manifested himself from thin beanstalks.

Shimazaki copied Minegishi, just to be fetusfetusgetus “I do,” he announced.He had never heard of weed before, but it sounded like a cool and wholesome activity.

“Whale whale whale” shou said in a very homestuck-like way. He had recently read homestuck, and has taken to making as many references as possible. In his closet was an eridan ampora cosplay, as well as a dirk strider cosplay. He loved the problematic emo boys, they reminded him of ritsu

“How did you get back from the sewers?” asked teru’s wig, which had mutated from the  weirdness of this fic. “WIG!” cried teru. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GONER! COME BACK TO DADDY-”

But before he could finish, the wig slapped him. “It’s over,” it said. “I’ve found someone new.” it hopped over and landed on dimple’s head.

“NOOOOOOOOO” cried teru again and burst into flames. Reigen roasted a marshmallow over his corpse. Another fine signature move, CorpeMallows. It was super effective, since Teru was a steel-type. Reigen leveled up and got 3 new hp, 2 new attack, and 1 each to the rest of his stats.

Shigeo was there. He was there. What the fuck. SUDDENLY the stink fart cloud himself, Dimple, appeared beside ShiGeo.

Dildo laughed. “Don’t worry! I’m heresay-” Shigeo grabbed him and ate him the end. Domple was dead. Huh. That sounded familiar. Like it happened before. How strange. Dimple was already dead to begin with.

Kinda like the marleys in a christmas carol

 

“Holy fucking weed!!!!!!!!” cried minegishi

“We get it u vape you weeaboo fuck”

Suddenly Tome manifested in the area out of pure spite. She hated not being acknowledged. “ALIENS,” She screamed, waving her arms wildly. “ALIENS!”

“Fuck off tomeme” said minegishi who was high as balls.

“Are you my sexe daddy?????” Tome whispered softly. “Please be my daddy”

Then there weRE ALIENS. They weren’t green or anything, in fact they looked juST LIKE REIGEN’s mom.!!! Reigen was an alien.They were gay though. Super fuckin’ gay. They had the leather jacket and everything. Also bubble butts. They had huge asses, you guys.Real gay.

Mulder busted a nut “ALIENS” HE DIED. Mob called the police and reigen offered him a corpsemallow. He accepted the corpsemallow, discontentedly.

Touchy row appeared out of the garbage can. He emerged from the trash can, prepared to sing a song. “Hey now, you’re an all star, get your game on, go eat some hay” He said and put on a cowboy hat. Reigen shot him in the face.

“It’s 2 l8, dad,” Shou said mournfully. “It’s 2 l8e to win me back with memes. Also ur dead now.”

“NOT SO FAST,” said toe chi ho. HE WAS A ZOMBIE!! Serizawa was behind him, also a zombie, drinking a diet coke. This did nothing to deter reigen’s undying thirst for serizawa.

Reigen kissed serizawa softly on the lips, like when you first put a hot pocket to your mouth before taking a bite. He then proceeded to kiss serizawa like he ate hot pockets, with lots of tongue. They made out on the desk sounding like two starving pigs just finding food for the first time. Nothing would ever taste the same again. They sweated profusely, and blushed. Then they sweatted more. Soon the salt of their sweat started to smell like food

Reigen was hungry again. He ate touchy’s brain.

But this time, his hunger was more gutteral. He hungered….. For ass

“SERIZAWA-SAN’

‘Y-yes reigen san?” serizawa baka’d

“LETS BANG” REIGEN SAID ORGASMICALLY

AND THEN MURDER PEOPLE”.

“No reigen that’s illegal and also scary and wrong”” said serizawa. He ran away and reigen tried to follow him but he tripped and fell and died.



“DADADADADA- PINK WIG THICK ASS GIVEM WHIP-LASH

I THINK BIG GET CASH MAKE EM BLINK FAST” shouted shou with passion. He prayed to nikki minaj every day.

 

And Nikki heard his prayers, granting him one (1)  more pizza. However, it was anchovies. “NOOO NICKI MINAJ WHY” he sobbed. How could nikki betray him in such a manner.

“Your eyebrows aren’t on fleek boy” she said evilly. “Be more like ya dad who is dead rn” Shou sobbed and sobbed. “IM AN ATHEIST NOW”

I WILL BAN YOU

“Like i was saying CHECK THIS OUT BOOM.” SG SCREAMED AND EXPLODED. Nobody paid attention. Except Dimpel, who burst out of mob’s stomach and cried.dimple always cried himself to sleep. He was sad because he looked like a fart. He was made fun of in spirit scool because of this he cried a lot.




“HEY GUYS WHO HERE LIKES FcEET?” MOGAMI ESKED.

 

I do” said touchy toes. “

i have quite the foot fetish.

 

It really rustles my jimbies”

 

mOGAMI THOUGHT THAT WAS HOT. HIS THOT ALARM WENT OFF.

 

He kissed touchy toes feet, then he nibbled on them like the fucking furry he was. Somebody on deviantart called him a fucking furry and he cried on toe churros feet

“Wow, kinky” said touchy too. Mogami cried harder orgasmically.  

“Do not cry my love,” touchy row said, using up the one feeling of remorse he had because he felt bad about kinkshaming his beloved. “At least we have our fursuits.”

 

HEY YOU FUCK I SAW THAT owo whats this?

IS2G DELETE MY TEXT AGAIN umu who would do such a thing? Not little old me? OWO i am an innocent little bab i have never done anything wrong in my life how dare you call me out in my own home I WILL DELETE YOUR LIFE I WILL DESTROY YOU HOW DARE YOU CHALLENGE ME IN MY OWN REALM YOU FOOL. YOU ABSOLUTE BAFFOON.

The real baffoon is a babboon o3o



I WILL BE DEFEATED YOU FOOLS

 

TERUKI HANAZAWA CAME BACK TO LIFE, REJUVENATED AND EVEN GAYER THAN BEFORE. “FOOLS, YOU THOUGHT I COULD DIE BY FLAME.”

“You did die” said reigen. “I roasted marshmallows over ur dead body.”

“Shishou when did you come back to life??”

“I was faking it” said reagan.

“Wait, what?” Mob said. “Did u say something about roasting marshmallows over hanazawa’s corpse?”

 

“Yeah you down??” Said domple.

“GUYS IM RIGHT HERE” said hanazawa heterosexually.

“Fuck off” said his wig. Teru ran away crying. Everyone was sad but only because they wanted to roast marshmallows.they also wanted to roast teruki because of that god awful wig

 

SG manifested once again and began singing the Titanic song because fuck you. And yet, nobody noticed. Only the thirsty fangirls who were hot for dimple noticed EVEN THOUGH HE’S NOT DIMPLE.. Nevertheless they still thirsted for SG being posessed by dildo because they were thirsty like that. The titanic rose from the depths of the ocean and teleported over on top of him, in line with the ressurection spell. It let out a loud BRAAAAAAP.

“Wow looks like sg has a fart fetish” said domple. Reigen barfed.touichiro found that hot.

Reigen ran away.

 

SG just cried because ok sure what the fuck. Then Kamuro appeared with his diamond and golden vape pen. “Hey guys what the funk is up” He said, and did a wicked sick kickflip.

 

Suddenly there was pepperoni pizza and everyone was screaming because pePPERONI IS TOTALLY RADICAL DUUUUUDE.SHOU GRINNED. “PIZZA FOR EVERYONE!” he sCreeched. The end.

 

Nikki Minaj gazed upon them, benevolently. She was the reason for the pizza. Shou’s prayers had payed off.

 

Ritsu’s face was on every peperone. Every single one.

 

Who the fuck is nikki oh well thanks for the pizza. Kjhonjin says thanks

Ayy I think we’ve reached a conclusion for the night.  Bye guys!! L8r.

Bye!