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The One Where The Goblin King Got A Cell Phone

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AT 17, Sarah was excited to get her own cellphone. She finally talk her father into it, saying since she was now a licensed driver, she should have one for emergencies.

Of course, what happened next no one could have foreseen.

The first day she received her shiny new phone, she gleefully entered all her friends' numbers in it, and called them all to give them hers.

The second day, she drove around talking on it, enjoying her newfound independence.

The 3rd day, everything changed.


"Oh shoot." Sarah Williams said as she dug into her pocket for her phone.


"Hang on!"


"Hello?" She said into the phone once she switched it on.

"Hello Precious..I was wondering if.."

Sarah pressed the "off" button and tossed the phone on the bed, startled.

That voice..oh could it..


She picked it up gingerly and looked at the screen to see who was calling.

Out of area?


She turned it on, and held it to her ear. "Hello.." She said again cautiously.

" seems we were disconnected. Regardless I was going to ask..." that same, deep, melodic accented voice said.

She turned it off and tossed it back on the bed. "How? What?" She had to be mistaken. The voice on the other end couldn't have been...there is no way...


She stared at the offending object as if it were a grenade.


Steeling herself, she picked it up again.

Out of area.

"You're telling me!" She exclaimed, still totally befuddled and a little scared she was losing her mind.

She took a deep breath and answered the phone.

"What do you want?" She asked before he had a chance to talk.

"It's rather rude to hang up on a person, love." He replied, sounding offended. "Were you not taught any manners?"

"How...why...Where are you?" She answered, looking around to make sure he wasn't in the room watching her.

"I'm sitting on my throne. Where else would I be? The goblins say hello by the way. They also apologize for the rash of sock stealing they have been doing lately. Foolish ingrates. I will have them return your belongings as soon as possible." He said, as if it was perfectly reasonable a King from another world would be calling her on the phone to chat.

"How did you get my number Goblin King?" She asked him.

He sounded puzzled. "That? Oh, yes, well, a goblin stole the paper it was written on when he visited you yesterday. As I have been needing to speak to you I thought this would be a good time as any, you see. Call me Jareth, please. No need to be formal anymore don't you agree?"

"What? You stole my brother, you almost had me killed," She sputtered.

"Sarah..." He sighed over the phone. "You know you wished him to me. I followed protocol to stop your progress. Really, I wouldn't have let anything harm you. Past is past. Shall we move on? Let's stop doing the whole villain and heroine thing now. I did exactly what you asked me to do. I gave you your grand fairytale adventure, nothing more, nothing less."

Sarah took the phone away from her ear and stared at it in disbelief.

"You threw a snake at me!" She yelled.

There was silence. After a moment she put the phone back to her ear and listen. She could hear goblins arguing in the distance, and a chicken.

"Are you there?" She asked.

"Yes." Was the reply. "Sarah..."

"What?" She couldn't believe this was happening.

"That is what I wanted to ask you about. You see, Mr. Scales in missing." He said.

"Mr. Scales?" She was confused.

"Yes. My snake. Well, after the whole "Don't defy me" speech and I tossed him, I haven't seen him. He was a gift from my second cousin for my 500th birthday and I would really like him back. If you wouldn't mind. I mean, if you've seen him." He stated.

"Let me get this straight. You are calling me on the phone from another dimension, to ask me if I've seen the snake you threw at *me*, when you kidnapped my brother?" Sarah was becoming livid by this point.

This man, or whatever he was, was impossible!

"Well he is my favorite pet." The Goblin King said as if she would know that. "Once again, I kidnapped no one. You wished him to me. Tra la got him back. No harm done. Yet, Mr. Scales, my beloved snake, is still missing."

She stood up from her bed. "NO I HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR DAMN SNAKE!" she bellowed into the phone.

"No need to yell dear." He answered, sounding hurt. "I just thought maybe you'd seen him. It's been over a year. I'm getting worried."

She took a deep breath. Then several more. "Get this straight, Goblin King. I don't have your snake. If I did have your snake he would be a purse right now!"

"Fine then." He answered, obviously offended at her ire. "If you haven't seen him, you haven't seen him. You seem rather upset, perhaps I should call you some other time."

"Yeah maybe you should!" She screamed into the phone before switching it off.

She laid back on her bed and stared at the ceiling, dumbfounded.

"Crap!" She exclaimed. As she replayed the conversation, she realized she might have given him permission to call her again.

Obviously a number change was needed.


She sat straight up, looking around, alarmed at the slight hissing noise coming from inside her room.

"What the hell was that?!"