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Just Say You Won't Let Go

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I let out a deep breath, and tucked a long strand of hair behind my ear. ‘I can do this.’ I lifted my eyes from my guitar strings and looked in her chocolate brown eyes. She smiled at me. I smiled back. ‘I would do anything for her.’ She leaned forward, eyes twinkling, and brushed her hand against my knee. My girl. My bride. She should wear white every day. I couldn’t stop myself. I leaned and kissed her soft lips.

“I love you.” My lips murmured against hers. I leaned back and began to play.

I met you in the dark, you lit me up
You made me feel as though I was enough

I was counting down my last minutes of life. I made it through Azkaban and finished my task. I had let Harry know. I didn’t betray Lily and James. It was Peter. I could die knowing that Harry knew the – my train of thought was ended by the door blowing up. It was Harry and that brown-haired slip of a girl.

We were flying and then running. Escaping. I was escaping. Again. Hugging. We were hugging. They knew. They knew it wasn’t me who killed James and Lily.
We were running again. Why were they always running? Harry and Hermione. The other kids, they were fighting Death Eaters because of me. For me. To protect me. The convict. The grumpy old man. They wanted me safe. Alive. Protected.

The last thing I heard was Harry screaming my name. The hexes and curses whooshing through the air. And the choked sob of that brown-haired slip of a girl.
I couldn’t breathe. I was gasping for air trying to force as much of it into my lungs as I could. Suddenly, I could see again. I sat up coughing. Arms wrapped around me. I had to push the hair away to see her face.

“Hermione?” I whispered.

“Oh, Sirius. Thank, Merlin. Thank Merlin you’re okay. Oh, I didn’t know if it would work. I was so worried. But you’re here. You’re here! Are you okay?! Of course you’re not. Come on, let’s get you to a Healer. I can’t believe it worked.” She launched herself into my arms again. I didn’t realize I was crying too until I felt my tears hit my hand that had been stroking her hair.

‘I’m okay. She saved me. She saved me again. This little, wonderful, beautiful, brown-haired slip of a girl. She came back for me.’

We danced the night away, we drank too much
I held your hair back when
You were throwing up

My godson became a married man. I watched him marry the love of his life. And I watched the maid of honor drink way to much Firewhiskey. I convinced her to dance some of the alcohol out of her system, and she convinced me to start drinking too. Merlin, I could watch her laugh all day. All day every day. For the rest of my life.

We stumbled up the steps to the bathroom, where she dropped to her knees and promptly threw up into the toilet. I held her hair and kissed her shoulder.

“It’s alright, Mione. It’s okay. Let it out.”

Then you smiled over your shoulder
For a minute, I was stone-cold sober
I pulled you closer to my chest

She stopped puking, stood, and leaned over the sink to brush her teeth. When she finished, our eyes met in the mirror. She smiled and turned to look at me over her shoulder. The one I had kissed. In that second, every drop of alcohol I had had left my body. I could see every freckle on her nose. Every twinkle in her eye. I could smell the lavender and vanilla from her shower that afternoon. I could feel every goose bump on her arm.

And you asked me to stay over
I said, I already told ya
I think that you should get some rest

I turned her around and pulled her into my arms. Her head was the perfect chin rest for me. She fit perfectly there. Perfect. I couldn’t comprehend everything except her hands slowly moving around my waist and up to my chest. She leaned back to look at me again. Merlin she is so small. Her cheeks flushed, and I smiled. I could watch her blush all day too.




“I already told you, Mione. Get some rest. It’s been a long day. And you’re still drunk.”

The twinkle in her eye started to fade, so I leaned until our noses touched. I watched her eyelids shut. Her eyelashes dark and long. I kissed each of her eyes, and then the corner of her mouth.

“Get some rest, love.”

I knew I loved you then
But you'd never know
'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go
I know I needed you
But I never showed
But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old

I wanted her to ask me that for close to ten months now. It had been ten long months we’d be growing closer and closer, but not close enough. She wasn’t ready for me. She wanted me. But she wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready for her to let me go after she’d had me. I wanted her to be mine forever. I wanted her to love me too.

Just say you won't let go
Just say you won't let go

Even while we both cried, I kept playing the guitar. She’d dropped her bouquet in order to move her chair even closer to me. To hold my thighs. To not let go. To hold my gaze. And never let it go.

I'll wake you up with some breakfast in bed
I'll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head


“Sirius Black! What on Earth is that smell?” I heard the shouting and the thuds of her bare feet coming down the steps. I loved when her feet were bare. Cold skin against my shins. Toes painted a soft pink.

Surprise ruined. Breakfast ruined.

“Baby, I just…”

She opened the door to the kitchen. Pots and pans everywhere. A couple of cracked eggs on the floor. Burnt toast. Burnt eggs. Burnt everything.

“Sirius, were you making breakfast.”

“No. Well, yes. Breakfast in bed for you, but I didn’t really do a very good job.”

She laughed. She actually laughed. Dam that brown-haired slip of a girl. I didn’t care that I had butter all over me.

“Don’t you laugh at me!” She shrieked as my messy self tried to grab her. I caught her and pinned her up against the counter. I kissed her hard, getting sugar on her face too.

She smiled. “I love you, Sirius. You crazy, silly, terrible cook of a man.”

I smiled back and reached behind her. “How about some coffee?” And I kissed her forehead. Letting my lips linger there.

And I'll take the kids to school
Wave them goodbye

I woke up to the sound of vomiting down the hall. “Baby?” I called for her with no answer except the sound of more puking. “Hermione?!” I scrambled out of bed and tripped down the hall. As I got to the door and opened it, she flushed the toilet and rose to her feet. She looked over her shoulder. We both knew.

“Hermione.” I whispered.

She just laughed. Her tinkling laugh. It echoed off the tile wall, and I lost it too.

We moved toward each other at record speed, and just laughed in each other’s arms. I kissed every inch of her face that I could reach. Cradling her face in my hands, I told her I’d never let her go.
There was no room for her to get any closer as I played, but she tried. She really tried. I had never seen anyone cry as beautifully as she did. I chanced a glance to her stomach. No one knew yet. Just us. Our secret. Our perfect, little, tiny, wonderful secret. She laughed while she cried and smiled even more. I can’t wait to make her smile every day.

And I'll thank my lucky stars for that night
When you looked over your shoulder
For a minute, I forget that I'm older


“You are not old, Sirius.” Harry rolled his eyes at me. I glared back.

“I could be her father, Harry. That’s how we met. I’m her best friends father basically.”

“If it doesn’t bother me, why does it bother you? It doesn’t bother her. Obviously, with how she was all over you at the wedding.”

I remembered that night and smiled.

“That’s what I’m talking about Sirius. You’re happy. Let yourself be happy.”

I wanna dance with you right now
Oh, and you look as beautiful as ever
And I swear that everyday you'll get better
You make me feel this way somehow
I'm so in love with you
And I hope you know
Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold

I put the guitar down and pulled Hermione to her feet and into my arms. Fuck the guitar. I would just sing it. I couldn’t stand not being able to touch her. So beautiful. So perfect. My savior in more ways than one. I swayed us to the music of my voice slowly. The rest of the room was silent. You could hear a pin drop. I knew they’d all be able to hear my song, even though I wasn’t singing particularly loudly. Even though I was singing it to her. My love. My wife. My brown-haired slip of a girl.

We've come so far my dear
Look how we've grown

“Hermione, please. Just tell me what’s wrong. Why won’t you look at me? What have I done? I don’t understand what’s going on.”

“Just leave me alone, Sirius.” Doors slammed. I sighed.

Days passed. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed her too much to let this go on anymore.

“Hermione Jean Granger. I love you. I love you so much, and I would really appreciate it if you would open the door so I could talk to your face instead of the door handle. And have I mentioned that I love you, and I can’t stand not seeing…”

The door opened. She looked tired. Exhausted. Sad.

“Sirius. I…” I cut her off with a kiss. Merlin, how I missed her lips. “Sirius, stop.” I stopped. But I still held her as close as I could.

“I’m so sorry, Hermione. I am so sorry for whatever I did. And I’m so sorry that I don’t know what I did. But I’m sorry. I will do anything to make you forgive me. Please, love.”

She giggled. “Sirius. You didn’t do anything. It’s me. I’m an idiot. You did nothing wrong. I was scared. I am scared. I’m terrified actually.”

I pushed her shoulders back until I could see her eyes. “What are you scared of?”

“You.” My stomach dropped. “I’m scared of you and us. I have never ever felt like this Sirius. My heart is telling me that this is right. This is perfect. But my brain is telling me to slow down. My brain thinks you can’t fall in love this fast. That I can’t want to give you everything I have this fast. My heart wants to give itself to you, but I’m scared to lose you.”

“You’re never going to lose me. Ever. I would… I would die before I ever left you or hurt you, baby.”

“That’s what I’m scared of. What if something happens like the Department of Mysteries again? I am terrified I might have to live without you. Now that I have you, I can’t let you go.”

And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old
Just say you won't let go
Just say you won't let go

I can see us, fifty years from now, watching our grandkids take after their parents (and grandmother) and do amazing things. I can see us on the beach laughing about the amazing marriage we’ve had. I can see us loving each other. Holding hands. Not letting go.

I wanna live with you
Even when we're ghosts
'Cause you were always there for me when I needed you most
I'm gonna love you till
My lungs give out


I see us falling asleep together in each other’s arms. Not letting go. And not waking up, together. Being together in whatever comes after this life. Holding each other through the next great adventure.

I promise till death we part like in our vows

“Do you, Sirius Orion Black, take this women to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

I squeezed her hands a little tighter. She leaned closer to me.

“I do with all my heart.”
So I wrote this song for you, now everybody knows

Everybody knew long before I wrote that song, that my heart, my love, my very soul belonged to that brown-haired slip of a girl. I would die for her. I would do anything to make her happy. Make her smile every single day of our lives.

She looked around at our friends. Our family. She used my hands to wipe away her tears. And then she wiped away mine. Happy tears. For both of us. She mouthed that she loved me. But I couldn’t stop singing. I had to finish my song. Our song.

'Cause now it's just you and me till we're grey and old
Just say you won't let go
Just say you won't let go
Just say you won't let go
Oh, just say you won't let go