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If You Would Fight for Me

Chapter Text

“Welcome to your first day at Starfleet Academy, Cadets!”

Jim rolled his eyes at the overly-cheerful blonde addressing them. He and Bones had already celebrated their acceptance last night, which was why Jim now had a splitting headache and a mouth so dry he hoped he’d projectile vomit into his bookbag just to get some moisture. He looked across the crowd at Bones, who grimaced at him, and knew his friend was feeling the same way.

“You’ll find your room assignments and keys on the tables in front of you.” The blonde gestured to them individually. “A through J, and K through Z. Lunch is in thirty minutes, and at 1300 hours the orientation field day starts! Bring your A game and be ready to make friends!” And with that, she stepped off the stage and was swallowed up by the crowd of students moving to receive their room keys and meet the person they’d be living with for the next six months.

“S'chn T'gai Spock.” He read aloud, his mouth twisting awkwardly around the foreign sounds. What the hell language was this? Looking up, he saw a pale green boy with pointy ears and impossibly black hair raise his hand in a very strange salute.

“You are James Kirk? I believe we are roommates.” The boy said. Jim smiled and was about to ask about the pronunciation when-

“Ew, you got the Vulcan.” A ginger boy piped up next to them. Jim didn’t like the sound of that at all, and he was ready to fight anyone who was making his adorable new roommate sad. He whipped around and looked at the boys, cocking one eyebrow.

“Half-breed.” His friend snorted. Jim noticed Spock trying to figure out where to look, avoiding eye contact.

“What’s wrong with that?” Jim narrowed his eyes at the boy who’d spoken.

“Nothing! Just don’t forget to plug him into his charger every night.” The redhead mocked.

Spock flushed evergreen. By this time a crowd had gathered, some of them laughing at the jabs, some of them looking disapproving. Spock tried to hide the fact that he was upset, but Kirk noticed that he was gripping his room key so tightly his fingers were turning pure white.

Noticing the sad look on the Vulcan’s face, Jim started to laugh rather maniacally. Turning to his tormentors, he smiled. “Say gents, do you know what everyone’s favorite thing back in Iowa is?”

The boys looked confused. “Potatoes?” One offered, smiling.

Jim flashed a grin. “Nope.” Then he reeled back his fist and punched the redhead in the nose, knocking him to the ground where he fell unconscious. “Bar fights.” He said emphatically. He turned to the other boy, who promptly ran away, the people whose shoulders he pushed past sending glares after him. Kirk stood over his handiwork. “Anyone else wanna talk shit?” He addressed the crowd, who all looked either impressed or scared.

“What is going on here?” The students turned as an elderly woman began elbowing her way through the crowd.

“It’s the dean!” A beautiful dark-skinned girl hissed at Kirk. “Get out of here before she sees you!”

Kirk quickly grabbed the bewildered Vulcan’s elbow and yanked him through the crowd towards the dorms. “C’mon, Spock. We gotta jam.”

They began sprinting through the crowd, Jim shoving people out of the way and trailing Spock behind him, switching his grip to the alien’s wrist so that the brunet could stop running sideways. Had he imagined a gasp coming from the stoic boy? There wasn’t time to check.

“It was not necessary for you to defend me.” Spock shouted at Jim, twisting to avoid a particularly tall cadet.

“I can’t help it. Someone’s gotta teach those assholes a lesson.” Jim tightened his grip on the Vulcan’s wrist and took a sharp left turn, heading for the elevator doors.

“It will not deter them. They will only continue, and you have made yourself a target in the process.” Spock stood there and watched with raised eyebrows as Jim frantically pushed the up button, checking behind them for pursuers.

Finally the elevator doors opened with a ding. “You could just say thank you,” Jim said as he hauled the man bodily inside and followed, slamming a fist to their floor number and sighing with relief as the doors closed.

“Thank you.” Spock said flatly, rubbing the bruise forming on his hip where Jim’s pull had forced him to collide with the metal rail. “Do not do it again.”

Jim smiled fondly at his dispassionate roommate. “Please,” he once again grabbed Spock’s wrist and yanked him through the open elevator doors, sprinting towards their room. “I have to make your semester interesting.”

The corners of Spock’s mouth turned up infinitesimally. “I have no doubt you will.”

Finally Jim’s frantic key-jiggling paid off and he tugged Spock inside the room and shut the door. The human finally closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief, sliding his back down the door until he was sitting on the floor. “Okay,” he tried to catch his breath after all the running. He turned to Spock, who looked a little flustered himself. “When they show up asking questions, we’ve both been here the whole time.”

Spock blinked. “Vulcans do not lie.”

“Well, shit.” Jim cracked a smile. “You’re gonna have to learn now that we’re friends.” He chuckled at the uneasy look on the Vulcan’s face. “There’s no telling what shenanigans we’re gonna get up to.”

“I suppose I could practice.” Spock said seriously.

“Just watch me, you’ll pick it up pretty fast.” Jim joked, moving from the floor to the closest bed. “Cool if I take this side?”

“That is amenable,” Spock said coolly.

Jim halted his steps. “No roommate is that accommodating, Vulcan or otherwise.” He narrowed his eyes at the Vulcan, who was practically smirking, the ordeal they’d just been through already forgotten. “You’re hiding something. What’s wrong with this side?”

“Well, the side I have taken has access to a miniature refrigerator, but you have chosen the other side. Kaiidth. What is, is.” The Vulcan’s eyes were crinkling up in an obvious smile, although his mouth barely moved.

Jim smacked himself in the forehead, grinning. “Shit. I don’t suppose you’d trade.”

“You have, I believe the phrase is, played yourself.” Spock’s eyes twinkled.

Jim laughed so hard it made his eyes scrunch up. “Dude, you’re killing me.”

“I am certain that is not my intention.” There was a lilt in Spock’s voice that sounded teasing. Jim grinned, already wildly enamored with his new friend.

As one, the boys looked up and gasped, hearing a knock on the door. “Uh-oh.” Kirk grimaced at Spock, hopping up from his bed. “I think my criminal record is catching up with me at last.”

“Ah,” Spock replied uneasily. “How unfortunate.”

Kirk opened the door, face scrunched, ready to face the music, but instead came face to face with the same beautiful woman that had helped them earlier. “Oh,” he smiled, relieved. “Hello again.”

“Hey there, Rocky,” she started. Jim waved at her, grinning at the nickname. “I have updates,” she said. “Can I come in?”

Jim smiled and opened the door wider as she entered.

“Dif-tor heh smusma, Spock.” The girl said, holding up her hand in the same strange salute Spock had given Kirk earlier. “I am Cadet Uhura.”

Spock repeated the gesture. “Sochya eh dif, Uhura.” Jim felt extremely out of the loop.

“Are you okay after earlier?” She asked kindly.

“Lesek shaya tonat. I am well.” Spock replied. “I do not know many humans that speak Vulcan.”

“I’m just starting a few languages early. A communications officer isn’t much use if they only know Standard.” Uhura rolled her eyes.

“Your classmates would do well to follow your example.” Spock stared at her intensely.

“You should help me practice sometime.” Uhura smiled. Were they flirting? Was this how smart people flirted? Jim felt his skin prickle a little and he frowned.

Uhura clapped her hands together, addressing them both. “Well, anyway, once I informed the Dean of the disgusting remarks those shitheads had been spouting, she pretty much forgot about the punching entirely. You’re off scot-free and I’m pretty sure they’ll have detention for a month.”

“Nice.” Kirk grinned. “Thanks for that.” He considered her for a second, smiling genuinely rather than giving her his trademark asshole smirk. “You’re pretty damn impressive.”

“Thank you. I’m rather impressed myself.” She said seriously, looking between them. “I feel like the next four years are going to be very entertaining with you two rooming together.” And with another weird salute thrown over her shoulder, the door slid shut and she was gone.

“Dude, I can’t believe I didn’t get thrown out.” Jim smacked a hand to his forehead and grinned, finally allowing himself to process the news. Spock noted, not without a certain fondness, that the human tended to perform such dramatic gestures often. Suddenly the blond remembered something important. “What’s that weird hand thing you guys were doing?” Jim asked, turning to Spock, imitating it.

“Don’t tuck your thumb in,” Spock said. Jim complied. “That is ta’al. It is how you say hello on my planet.” Spock returned the gesture.

“Cool.” Jim smiled at their hands. “You should teach me some Vulcan too, if we’re gonna be living together.” Jim was strangely keen to be able to talk to his new friend in a way no one else (almost no one. Jim thought of Uhura and stopped smiling) could. “If you want.”

“That sounds quite agreeable.” They both turned to look at where Uhura had exited again.

“What a woman.” Kirk laid back down on his bed, frowning at Spock’s wistful expression.

“Indeed.” Spock agreed, though he could not have been less focused on the female cadet.

As Jim fell onto his cot, disappointed, Spock’s shoulders tensed. For a long time, he stared at the place on his hand that Jim had dragged him by, trying to decipher exactly what the tingling that remained there and seemed to seep upwards into his brain meant. Finally he reclined on the bed, but the warm feeling that came over him whenever he glanced at Jim did not allow him to relax until he finally collapsed from exhaustion, Jim’s golden, sleeping face the last thing he saw.

Chapter Text

In the last weeks, Jim had amassed quite a crew to sit at his lunch table. When he, Bones, Spock, and Uhura had all sat down together the first day, their witty banter and loud laughter had attracted many an interested stare. Within days, an adorably chubby-cheeked cadet named Chekov had followed Jim from his Covert Operations class and inserted himself into their squad, tugging his boyfriend Sulu along. Then Bones had casually inserted a hypo mid-lunch into the neck of a very hungover scot, who had then simply collapsed at their table and continued to show up every day, since nobody told him to leave. Too afraid to ask his real name after not knowing it for so long, Jim dubbed him “Scotty” and their crew was complete- or at least, with all the nudging and elbowing and hugging and sprawling limbs, there was a clear and present danger to anyone else who might attempt to fit at their table. Jim was glad. This was already too many birthdays to remember.

“What’s wrong with all of you?”

“Excuse me?” Jim narrowed his eyes as he looked up at the speaker, extremely annoyed at the interruption to his favorite lunchtime activity, staring lovingly at Spock and Bones while the two men argued about science, with frequent interjections from Uhura.

“Why do you hang out with that freak? Does he do your calculus homework so you’ll let him sit with you?” The same redhead Kirk had punched on orientation day was back for more. Jim immediately squared up, ready to decimate him.

And, he noticed with amusement, he wasn’t the only one. Scotty leaned back in his chair and flexed his arms in front of him, cracking his knuckles loudly. Sulu was doing that thing where he tapped his fingers menacingly. The rest of their squad were glaring at the cadet. Bones even slung a protective arm around the Vulcan’s chair, betraying his obvious affection for the man, no matter how much they bickered.

Jim’s heart felt tight as he saw how much his friends all loved his Vulcan, but he quickly focused back on the fight. “Not that it’s any of your business, but Spock is my friend. I don’t know how you choose who to sit with, since you don’t have any.” Kirk’s smile was growing dangerous as the redhead continued to stand there- a stupid move, in Jim’s opinion.

Bones shot Uhura a look, and she furrowed her brows and sprinted off, looking for someone.

“How does it feel knowing your boyfriend is never gonna laugh at your jokes?” Jim practically rolled his eyes. He’d just been waiting for the homophobia to start. These dickheads never were very creative.

Sulu and Chekov slowly stood up and put themselves slightly in front of Spock, narrowing their eyes at the boy. At least the stupid fuck had the grace to look nervous, Jim thought.

Jim stood up in between them, completely shielding Spock from sight. “Spock is hilarious. He just doesn’t laugh at your jokes because they’re not funny, you bigoted harpy.” Jim heard Spock whisper from behind him.

“Just leave it alone, Jim.” Jim ignored him. He was not gonna just watch anyone make Spock sad and let them walk away without giving them a bloody nose and a healthy dose of fear

“God, touchy. Fags never do have a sense of humor.”

Spock barely had time to try to hold Jim back before Kirk’s fist collided with the boy’s face with a sickening crunch. Sulu and Chekov still had fists raised, interrupted before they could punch the kid.

Uhura came running in, trailing the Dean behind her. “Ma’am, this boy was saying the most horrible slurs I have ever- oh goddamn it,” she said, seeing the boy bleeding on the ground. She looked up at Jim with exasperation. “Jim, I was gone for thirty seconds.”

“Ah, Cadet McKinley again. This means suspension, young man.” She nudged the boy gently with her foot until he got to his feet, mortified. “Wait outside my office until I have time for you.” She looked at Kirk and Spock more softly. “You two come to my office now, please.” Seeing their other friends standing menacingly behind the pair, she raised an amused eyebrow. “As you were, cadets.” She smiled a little to see them cough into their fists and awkwardly shuffle back into relaxed stances. “Ma’am.” Bones nodded to her as she left with her three troublemakers.

Outside her office door, she turned sharply to where McKinley was sitting, holding his bleeding nose and whimpering. “Don’t waste an icepack on this one,” she ordered her secretary, who smiled. “You two, in here.” She said kindly.

They all took a seat, and the Dean turned first to Jim, who looked apprehensive. “Kirk, I don’t usually tolerate brawling.” The twinkle in her eye somewhat ruined the effect of her words, and Jim found himself relaxing. “However, I believe this was for a good cause. I would like to thank you, as both an administrator and as a lover of justice. We need more people like you in the world.”

Spock very nearly rolled his eyes. Jim’s ability to escape any kind of consequences for his actions was remarkable, and more than a little annoying. Jim, for his part, smiled genuinely. “Thank you, ma’am.”

She nodded. “Now, Cadet Spock.” Her face grew very kind. “Are you okay?”

Spock swallowed, the only outward sign of being embarrassed. “Of course, ma’am.”

“If you need anything at all, you can come to me.” She said seriously. “Okay?”

“Thank you, ma’am.” Spock nodded.

“Well boys,” she smiled. “I am very glad you two are roommates.” She made a shooing motion. “Now get out of my office so I can scream at that shithead until he wets his pants.” She smiled. Jim laughed loudly and Spock flushed a dark green. They stood up and turned to open the door.

“Oh, and Kirk,” she called after them, grinning. “That was a nice right hook.” Jim beamed. “Consider trying out for the boxing club. We could use a win this year.” And with a wink, she waved them out of her office. As the boys walked down the hall, they heard a faint “Get in here, McKinley!” Jim snorted again, and then there was silence.

Jim turned to Spock, only to have the smile fall off his face when he saw the Vulcan looking decidedly unhappy.

“Jeez, Spock.” Jim really didn’t want his friend to be upset at him. “I’m really sorry. Are you okay?” He grew steadily more worried. “Are you mad at me?”

“I requested that you cease defending me.” Spock said evenly, refusing to answer his questions.

“Yeah, and I’m super ignoring that request.” Jim said matter-of-factly.

“Why?” Spock turned and looked at him as if Jim had just said he was going to put a firecracker in his ass and light it. “You cannot imagine that I did not face such comments on my home planet.” He regained his calm exterior and his face settled. “I am used to it. There is no logical reason for you to resort to physical violence on my behalf-”

“Has it ever occurred to you that I care about you?” Jim blurted, and suddenly Spock’s composure was gone. “You shouldn’t have to get used to it. There’s nothing wrong with you.” He felt himself getting angry again and tried to calm down, knowing Spock would misinterpret Jim’s anger as being directed at him. He didn’t want Spock’s day to get any worse. “I don’t like to see you unhappy because of those assholes when I can do something about it.” He was so nervous. Why couldn’t he shut the fuck up? “It hurts me when you’re upset.” When had his hands gotten so close to Spock’s face? He withdrew them hastily. Fuck.

“Vulcans do not get upset.” Spock said tersely. Jim thought he detected another evergreen blush spreading across the boy’s face before Spock looked at the floor.

Jim raised an eyebrow. “Well, I’m upset enough for the both of us, I guess.” Jim couldn’t help but smile at the look on Spock’s face.

“I think the correct name for the emotion you feel is empathy.” Spock teased him gently.

Jim crinkled his nose, teasing. “Nah, I think it’s actually referred to as feeling stabby.” Spock rolled his eyes. “It’s true!” Jim grinned. “Uhura can back me up.”

He could’ve sworn he saw the corners of Spock’s mouth turn up the tiniest bit.

Chapter Text

Jim was so fucked.

He had been reading the same page of his calculus textbook for the last hour, not that he could give a fuck if he tried. He was distracted by watching Spock, which was his favorite activity in the world and probably could have distracted him even during a cage match with an angry lion.

It wasn’t even his fault, either. It was Spock’s fault for looking so damn irresistible. The way his fingers moved gracefully as he flicked through the pages of his textbook, the intensity of his stare when he concentrated on a report, everything about him made Jim’s heart beat faster. How could anyone manage to make studying look like a damn underwear ad? While fully clothed, no less. Jim blew his hair off his face, frustrated.

Spock looked up and saw Jim staring at him. “Is something amiss, Jim?”

Jim flushed and looked back down at his book. “No! Just, um... bored.”

Jim pulled up his commchat with Bones and sent an “SOS Spock 2 cute what do” text, receiving a string of barfing emojis almost instantly. That made him smile. Bones always knew what to say.

“Would you like to take one of those ‘study breaks’ you are so fond of?” Spock put air quotes (a trick learned from Jim) around ‘study break’ since to Jim the term really meant ‘stop studying completely and do something stupid and frivolous for the rest of the night’.

“I can’t believe you’re suggesting we have fun for once. I am such a good influence on you.” Jim put his hand over his heart dramatically, smiling when he heard Spock snort. “What should we do?”

Spock was practically smiling, as relaxed as Jim had ever seen him. “Whatever you want, Jim.”

Jim flushed. He winked salaciously at the Vulcan to cover it. “I don’t think you’re ready for all the things I’d like to do.” he smirked, voice dripping with innuendo.

“Then perhaps I still have the ability to surprise you.”

Jim froze. Spock had just done the unthinkable. Usually when Kirk started flirting with Spock, he over-acted it so that it read as a joke. It was an excellent cover for the way he really felt, and Spock could always be counted on to either roll his eyes and claim that he had no patience for Jim’s earth humor (lie) or just get flustered and change the subject. He hadn’t prepared for this scenario, for Spock retaliating. It was completely out of character! He only had two options, neither of them good. He could either keep going and risk Spock finding out about his crush and ruin their friendship forever, or he could back out now and let Spock beat him at his own game. Jim bristled at that. No way. Fuck that. Spock had already stolen his heart, Jim damn well wasn’t going to let him steal his charming demeanor. He had to keep going until Spock backed down, the sooner the better.

“Is that a promise?” Jim raised an eyebrow. This was one actual thigh-touch away from a full proposition. This had to break him. And not just because Jim was already out of ammo, never having had to carry a tease like this so far.

“Or perhaps a threat.” Spock made full eye contact with him, and the Vulcan looked downright… predatory, his eyes dark and staring right into Jim’s core. Jim shivered. Contest over. He had to de-escalate the situation right now, or he was going to bang his roommate right then and there in his stupid sexy pajamas.

“Chess it is, then.” Jim tried not to let his voice squeak as he retrieved the board from under his bed.

He refused to meet Spock’s eyes while setting it up, otherwise he would have caught the flash of disappointment that crossed the Vulcan’s face.

Chapter Text

“Cadet Spock, If you could please stop chatting with Kirk and tell me the answer to problem sixty-three?”

The two boys flushed and Spock quickly said “Sorry ma’am. It’s four hundred and thirty.”


“Faggot.” The redheaded boy snickered from the back row.

Spock flushed an even deeper green. Jim felt his own face go red with rage rather than embarrassment.

The professor gave a sigh, not even bothering to turn from the blackboard as she spoke. “McKinley, your obvious envy of the superior brain capacity of Vulcans does not give you permission to torment your fellow pupils and use derogatory slurs during my class.” She turned back to stare impassively at the furious cadet. “And if your grades continue declining at their current pace, you may find that most single-celled organisms will soon surpass your brain capacity as well.”

The class collectively gasped and began whispering. “This is the best day of my life,” one girl said. “Iconic,” the boy behind her agreed.

“Savage, professor.” said a blonde girl with four arms in the front row.

“Thank you, Reim.” The professor smiled. “Now, let’s review the chapter on vectors before we move on.”

McKinley turned and glared at Kirk before running his finger across his throat menacingly. Jim snorted. It’s not like McKinley had proved a match for him the last two times Jim had decked him.

An intolerable hour later, class let out. Jim couldn’t rise from his seat fast enough, hurriedly pushing his papers into a pile and slamming them shut inside his textbook. He thanked god Spock was in his physics class, otherwise he might actually commit suicide while learning about Newton’s laws. Not that the professor would notice if he did.

“Later, Spock. Gotta rush to Cove-Ops.” He threw up a ta’al in the boy’s direction and smiled when he received one in return just before entering the busy hallway. He checked the clock on his student-issued wrist communicator and swore. He was gonna have to sprint if he wanted to be on time. He dodged the tentacles of the astronomy professor and ducked out the door, heading for the shortcut to his building. He squeezed through the dark alley between buildings and tried not to touch any of the dripping moss with his newly-laundered uniform. Suddenly, he ran into a very solid form.

“Shit!” Kirk regained his balance. “Sorry, I-” looking up at the person he’d run into, he realized with disgust that it was McKinley. “Oh. It’s you.” he said eloquently, then narrowed his eyes. “Excuse me.” He was nothing if not polite.

He tried to skirt around McKinley, but was stopped by the redhead throwing an arm in his path. “You’re not going anywhere until you pay for what you did to me.” The asshole smiled. “And since you’re dirt poor, I’m just gonna take it out on your face.” Kirk rolled his eyes, knowing he could take him one-on-one with ease.

“Fuck off.” Kirk tried to shoulder past the redhead only to run into one of the asshole’s friends. Where had he come from? Turning around, he saw two more big guys blocking his path. This was not good. He dropped his books and tried to take a swing at McKinley, only for someone to twist his arm up behind him. He tried not to scream, letting out a low curse instead.

Spinning back around to face McKinley, Jim saw the ginger smirk. “Hold him.”

Jim braced himself, feeling his other arm get wrenched backwards. God dammit.



Jim opened his eyes when he heard a very familiar voice calling his name. It took a while, since his long eyelashes were stuck together with blood. He finally got them open to see a sight he never expected to come across- a panicking Vulcan.

“Hey, Spock.” He closed his eyes again and smiled, ignoring the pain coming from his split lip. It was okay. His Vulcan was here. Everything was okay. “What’s up?” He tried to act as casually as possible to stop Spock from freaking out. Jim liked it a lot better when Spock was smiling, especially when he smiled at Jim.

“When you did not appear in the mess hall after your class, I grew worried and came to look for you.” Spock looked terrified as he made sure none of Jim’s bones were broken. “None of your injuries are severe enough to merit a visit to the medbay. I will bring you to McCoy.”

Jim slapped a weak hand to Spock’s chest. “No!” Spock didn’t acknowledge him. “Don’t want a hypo.” He frowned, struggling to sit up and face his friend. “Don’t tell Bones.” He closed his eyes, relaxing his sore muscles until he fell forward and landed with his face buried in Spock’s neck. “Please.”

Spock froze at the feeling of Jim’s hot breath on his collarbone. “Fine.” He sounded strained, worried about Jim and already dreading the tirade he was sure to receive from the doctor when he found out about this. “I will treat you in our dormitory.” Spock didn’t have the energy in his emotionally compromised state to pretend he could refuse Jim anything. “But I would prefer it if you would take my advice sometimes. It would be better for your health.” He had to add a little snark or he might go insane from worry.

“Thanks, Spock.” Jim groaned as his friend helped him to his feet, the pain in his body becoming sharper as his brain booted up. “Sorry I made you miss lunch.”

“Nonsense.” Spock said rather forcefully. “In addition, I will be escorting you to all of your classes from this point on.”

Jim grinned as Spock helped him stumble down the hallway. “I don’t think you will.”

“I am not accepting any arguments on this front.” Spock was more agitated than Jim had ever seen him. Finally he allowed himself to tell Jim what he was really angry about. “I predicted the first time that they would also begin targeting you if you continued to defend me. Do not do it again, Jim. I mean it.” Spock’s voice sounded choked as he helped Kirk through the door of their room.

“Look, dude,” Jim winced as Spock pushed him a little too hard on the bed before running to grab a first aid kit. “I’m not gonna stop. And you’re definitely not making yourself late every period just to babysit me while I walk between buildings to make sure I don’t get a boo-boo.” Jim rolled his eyes.

Spock slammed down the medical kit with enough force to crack the lid. Jim shot backwards. He’d never seen the Vulcan so angry. “Have you ever considered that perhaps I care about your well-being?” Spock asked fiercely.

“Woah.” Jim reached out to his friend, concerned. “Are you okay?”

Spock took a shuddering breath and tried to calm himself, releasing his hold on the kit where his fingers were turning white. “It is… selfish. I am unused to it.” Spock ducked his head, blushing as Jim reached out and ran a hand over his black hair. “If you were to be hurt-.” he took a breath, trying to explain himself. “I am… upset when you are in pain. I have been trying to get you to avoid dangerous situations-” he huffed. “But instead you- go looking for them. It is infuriating.” He certainly looked furious. “I am also angry at myself for not being there to protect you, even though it is quite illogical.” He began treating Jim’s wounds, blushing a light green.

Jim gave a huff of laughter, his cheeks a bright pink underneath all the blood. “Now you know how I feel.” He grew apologetic, drawing his face closer to Spock’s. “Ni'droi'ik nar-tor. I didn’t mean to make you worry.” He moved his hand down to the Vulcan’s shoulder, feeling his heart skip a beat at the contact.

“You worry me constantly.” Spock looked fond, his chest tightening as he leaned close to dab at the cuts on Jim’s face.

“Well, then I’m definitely not stopping.” Jim grinned, not even flinching when it pulled on his split lip. “If I behaved myself, you might actually have time to get your homework done.” He lowered his voice conspiratorially. “It’s my job to distract you so you never have time to take over the world like we all know you could.” He smiled and couldn’t stop himself from looking at Spock adoringly. “We can’t have that.”

“No,” Sighed Spock, and Jim was sure he was almost smiling. “We can’t.”

And if their hands lingered a little too close to each other on the bed, neither of them were going to complain.


The next day, Spock’s pointed ears still ringing from being screamed at by McCoy (as predicted), the news came through the mess hall grapevine that McKinley and his friends were all having serious injuries treated in the medbay, but refused to say what had happened to them.

Jim narrowed his eyes, looking at his friends.

Their lunch table grew strangely quiet, all the cadets giving Jim innocent faces as they played with their food.

“Goodness,” Uhura said as the messenger walked away, her eyebrows practically in the stratosphere. “That’s… terrible.”

“Damn shame,” Bones deadpanned, looking down at his lasagna.

“You folks,” Jim said slowly, looking between the too-casual cadets. “wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

“Absolutely not,” Sulu said, lacing his and Chekov’s hands together.

“I wasn’t even here yesterday, honestly.“ Spock said with a terrible attempt at a typical college student voice, his eyes crinkling up.

Jim snorted at the Vulcan’s awful acting skills, and Bones punched the blonde in the arm good-naturedly. Sulu snorted into his chocolate milk when Chekov started chuckling, and even Spock and Uhura’s carefully stoic faces looked mischievous. Soon Scotty was slapping the table hard enough to jostle their trays as the entire table burst into uproarious laughter. No amount of weird looks from neighboring tables could stop the giggling, or the many hugs that were traded between the friends afterwards.

Chapter Text

Jim was the most distressing creature Spock had ever encountered.

Before he had met the human, Spock had worked for years to cultivate the complete control of his emotions that would make him a prime example of Vulcan principles. But the sight of Jim in pain had sent him reeling into an emotional outburst that had shocked even Jim, who might be the most emotional creature in the universe. He almost burst out laughing at Jim’s every joke, he barely contained his irritation when Jim beat him in chess and gave him that smirk. Even as little as a smile from his human had Spock fighting to hold back a wide grin.

He was having trouble understanding his own brain. He had cohabitated with many lifeforms before and had never had any problems. There was no reason for Jim to cause his emotions to become so out of control.

Except… Jim was not a normal being. His illogical actions, complete disregard for personal space, and penchant for dragging Spock into his pranks and misbehavior was infuriating- mostly because Spock knew he should find it unpleasant, but absolutely didn’t. On the contrary, he could not remember a time in his life when he had enjoyed himself more.

Spock wanted to rip his own brain out of his head. He illogically wondered if he was a cyborg, because his brain was clearly malfunctioning. Every ten seconds it would force him to think about Jim, and several times it had almost caused him to refer to Jim as “ashaya” or some other term reserved for one’s bondmate. Out loud. Spock was not used to making speech errors and the thought terrified him, not least because of what Jim might say if he ever found out about Spock’s feelings.


Seeing Jim stare at him out of his peripheral vision, Spock blushed.

“Yes, Jim?”

“I’m bored.”

Spock sighed, preferring to get straight to the point. “There is no need for this preamble. You have already decided what activity you are going to drag me into tonight.”

Jim grinned. “You know me so well. Let’s sneak out and eat pizza in the park?” He looked at him with those pleading blue eyes.

Spock’s mouth turned up slightly at the corners. “Let me grab my sweater.” He almost burst out laughing when Jim whooped and vaulted out of bed, tossing clothes all around their room in an effort to get dressed.

Jim made him want to feel, to lose control, smile for hours, kiss his human until he was breathless and never leave his side.

Spock wondered how many times he could brush his fingers against Jim’s on the way there without the boy noticing.

Chapter Text


Jim jumped, now seeing Spock’s alert form in the darkness. “Jesus fuck!” he took a deep breath. “Spock, you scared me.”

“Would you like to divulge why you are sneaking into our dormitory an hour after lights out?” Jim couldn’t see Spock’s face

Jim blinked, then shifted into the charming pose he adopted when he was trying to lie his way out of something. “Well, I was with Nyota and-”

“You are engaging in courtship with Cadet Uhura.” Spock said, his voice tight.

Jim snapped his mouth shut and stared at him for a second, not sure whether to laugh or let out a scream of frustration at Spock’s obliviousness. “No, I fucking am not.” He said, his voice sounding strangled.

“But…” this was the first time Jim had ever seen Spock so lost. “If you are not engaged in…” Spock’s mouth tightened even further. “A romantic relationship, then why were you sneaking out of our room to go see her?”

“Well-” Jim fiddled with his hands, refusing to meet Spock’s eyes. “Well, she was-” He paused. “I had to ask her about some phrases in Vulcan.” He said all in one breath and stared at Spock, waiting for the pale man’s reaction.

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I’m afraid I do not understand, Cadet Kirk. Why did you not just ask me?”

“You know I hate it when you call me that.” Jim was distracted, trying his best not to stare at the constellations of freckles that spread across the Vulcan’s cheeks.

“Fine.” Spock was quickly turning huffy, losing his usual stony control. “Explain, Jim.” He said tersely.

“I-” Jim looked increasingly frantic. “I-” Finally he gave up, looking at Spock, pleading. “Ashua nash-veh du.”

Spock was, for once, at a loss for words. The two boys sat in silence. Jim thought maybe he’d forgotten how to breathe. He hated him now, he just knew it. When the semester was over Spock would request a new roommate and they’d never see each other again and Jim would just have to hang himself because life had no point if he didn’t get to be Spock’s friend. 

After a while, Jim wondered if he’d broken the Vulcan completely. Maybe Spock would never speak again, and he’d have to communicate by blinking morse code at people. That was fine, Jim would stay with him anyway. He knew he could never abandon Spock, no matter what happened. Plus, Spock was always saying how Jim needed to practice morse code more...

Finally, Spock spoke up, sounding like he was barely breathing, and pulled Jim back into focus.

“Your accent is atrocious.”

Jim’s eyebrows drew together, bringing his focus back to the current situation. That was not one of the reactions he’d expected.

Spock shifted closer to Jim, his eyes burning with a very intense emotion that Jim couldn’t recognize.

“Try again.” Spock had never sounded so pleading before. He needed to make sure Jim had said what he thought he’d said before Spock did something drastic like his fingers were itching to.

Jim blinked back into focus, repeating himself while trying to emulate how flawlessly Uhura had said it.

Spock leaned in even closer. There was silence for a few moments as Spock flipped Jim’s hand over and ran their first two fingers together slowly. Jim recognized this as Vulcan kissing and his heart leaped.

“Taluhk nash-veh k’dular, ashayam.” Spock said, staring straight into Jim’s eyes.

Jim’s eyes were half shut, their faces so close he could feel Spock’s breath on his lips. “W- what does that mean?”

“It means, Jim, that-” Spock’s face scrunched up, feeling like he may be about to cry. “I love you too.” And with that, Spock laced their fingers fully together and pressed his lips up against Jim’s, causing the blond man to moan and move his other hand up to finally, finally caress the Vulcan’s smooth face.

So many months of waiting, so many nights spent crying, thinking of the day he’d have to let Spock go, and now he never would. Jim let out a sound of pure joy that Spock immediately tucked away in his mind to treasure forever. Spock’s kiss was indescribable. Jim felt dizzy, unable to focus on anything but getting his feverish skin as close to Spock’s as possible. He let out a sigh, relishing the feeling of their warm lips sliding together, committing it to memory. He became hyper-aware of every part of his body as he brushed against Spock’s skin- how everything felt like warm, slow honey, how the smallest touch from Spock was better than the coziest blanket or warmest hearth, how the world felt absolutely golden.

Jim thought maybe if he wasn’t so busy smiling he might have cried.

Spock had never in his life been so happy. Jim had taken complete control of his senses, his every thought, and now after an eternity of waiting, he could have him. Could touch him. Spock wanted to sob, the white-hot images and feelings coursing through his skin everywhere he touched Jim. The mixture of his own intense feelings and Jim’s was almost too much- he couldn’t focus, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t hear anything but Jim whispering “God, yours, I’m yours, Spock”, couldn’t do anything but press himself frantically closer to his human, touching and feeling and letting his head spin out of control without caring. He knew now that his whole life had been meant for this, meant for opening his mind to strong emotions, his skin to sensation, his soul to hunger, to Jim . And finally, finally, he let go of his control and let his instincts take over. He let himself believe, for a second, that he deserved happiness. 

He allowed himself to ask for more.

Spock let out a moan and grabbed Jim’s waist, slamming him up against the nearest wall and knocking over a lamp in the process, desperate to make Jim understand, to tell him through actions rather than words that he was entirely his. Jim had forgotten how strong Vulcans were. His eyelids fluttered shut at the display of possessiveness and he wrapped his legs around Spock, moaning into their kiss again. 

“Is this acceptable?” Spock asked, his voice husky.

“God, yes.” Jim replied breathlessly. He threw his head back as Spock ducked his head and started biting and sucking at his collarbone. He raked his fingers through Spock’s now-messy hair, closing his eyes in pleasure when he felt the Vulcan shiver at the contact.

“Spock,” Jim whined. “Fuck, Spock.”

Spock moved one hand up to place his fingertips on Jim’s lips. “Jim,” he stared into Jim’s blue eyes, and Jim’s bones vibrated with how deep the man’s voice had gotten.

“Yes?” Jim

“Can I ask you-” Even now Spock was too polite.

“God, anything, anything.” Jim interrupted, taking the opportunity to kiss the space between Spock’s eyebrows.

“Can I make love to you?” The phrase felt foreign and awkward coming out of the Vulcan’s mouth, but when he saw how Jim’s pupils dilated at the words he decided that it was the best phrase Standard had to offer and he would say it as often as possible from now on.

“Please,” Jim begged, rolling his hips desperately against Spock, pulling him in for a kiss when he heard a groan tear from the Vulcan’s throat. Spock began rutting desperately against Jim, moans spilling from their mouths. Finally, Jim had had enough of waiting. He managed to worm his in between them and, after taking a quick inventory of Spock’s tensing, sculpted abs (swoon), he deftly undid the Vulcan’s pants with a satisfying zip. 

He grinned at his success, but that ended quickly when Spock gave his bottom lip a light nip and Jim decided to focus on the business at hand. He managed to get a hand inside his underwear- plain white briefs, so boring, how cute- and Spock pulled back from where he was pressed against Jim’s lips, a little gasp choking its way out of his throat. His hips jerked against Jim’s, quick and accidental, sending Jim’s head smacking into the wall as he moaned at the feeling of Spocks’ cock against his own.

“Ow,” he muttered, and then “woah,” as Spock whisked him around and placed him swiftly, but gently, on the bed. “Okay, yeah,” he breathed, dizzy from the quick movement and the kissing and Spock . “Yeah.”

Spock was on top of him, pressing little kisses to his forehead and his eyelids and his cheeks- all of which Jim appreciated, but he appreciated it a hell of a lot more when Spock finally got down to business, his face even settling into the same determined lines that Jim admired, the ones that usually showed up when he was studying a particularly interesting concept. Jim tried not to laugh, an effort that became much easier when Spock pressed his lips against his again, and slid a hand under his shirt.

Things got a little fuzzy after that.

All of a sudden, Jim’s shirt was off and thrown who-the-hell-knows-where, and Spock’s shirt was missing too. Sucking in a breath through the small gap in his front teeth, Jim cursed himself for missing that part of the process- Spock’s pale, almost green skin seemed to be glowing softly, even under the harsh fluorescents that he’d flicked on as he’d caught Jim sneaking in, and his muscles were sharply defined. Jim thanked the stars that so many self-defense classes were required for their major.

But he couldn’t stare long. There was too much to do , and a sense of urgency that only appears when something you’ve been waiting for for a very long time is suddenly happening all at once. Jim’s hands shot out before he could think, clutching Spock closer, much to Spock’s delight, if his gasping and the way he slid his tongue into Jim’s mouth were any indication. 

And kissing Spock was very nice, Jim thought- warm and making his brain go fuzzy in a way that usually only happened after three tequila shots in a row- and he had a distant thought that he’d like to keep kissing Spock, probably every day and possibly until the universe snapped back the other way and imploded, taking them all with it. But for now, he wanted to move on.

His hands moved down, unzipping his own pants and shoving them down as much as he could. If he’d known that he’d get to do this with Spock tonight, he would have gone commando; but it would have been totally weird to not be wearing underwear alone in Uhura’s room while she taught him how to say “I love you” to Spock, so he pushed away the extra layer of boxers as well. For some reason, though, this made Spock freeze.

“What’s wrong?”

Spock was flushed green and refusing to meet Jim’s eyes.

Well, Jim wasn’t the top damn cadet in their year for no reason- he knew almost immediately what the problem was. “You’ve never done this before,” he reasoned. It made sense. When would he have had time? They’d spent every night together for two years, except for the nights when Jim was having sex, and he’d basically stopped doing that after the first year, when he could no longer pretend he didn’t wish every sexual partner was Spock instead.

“I don’t-”

Shit. He certainly was nervous if he was using contractions. “It’s okay,” Jim breathed between kisses. “I’ll help. Fuck me.”

Spock resumed kissing him, eyes squeezed shut and giving a little “mm-hm” of assent. Jim almost laughed, it was so human.

Together, they got Jim’s pants off, and though he wanted at some point to see Spock naked, it made his head to imagine Spock fucking him with his pants still on. He’d have time to suck him off later- maybe even tonight- when they weren’t both in such a hurry to do this. Jim reached into his nightstand in a frenzied motion that made Spock do that thing where the corners of his mouth turn up, and then Jim was slicking up his fingers.

“I have to get ready,” Jim explained

“I know the theory.” And Jim grinned to see that his Spock was back, all business and determination. Only he could make sex feel professional . “I will do that.”

Jim was on his front then, his sides burning where Spock had flipped him over quicker than he could blink, where vulcan handprints would surely blossom in bruises tomorrow. He buried his smile in the mattress. Spock was losing control.

Then he was groaning as he felt dry, warm hands running over his skin, a wet finger slipping into him almost immediately. He’d known vulcan fingers were longer than humans’, but this seemed to go on forever. Almost immediately it was brushing against- well, Jim let out a shout, and he thought that would speak for itself.

The finger came to a standstill. “Are you alright?”

“Good sounds,” Jim forced out. “Good sounds, Spock, jesus-”

Then the finger was pulling out and thrusting back in, brushing the same spot. Jim thought he might collapse; he didn’t know if it was this particular angle or if Spock was just talented, but it didn’t matter. He just wanted more .

Spock gave it to him when he asked, of course. He always did.

Soon Jim had three fingers pumping in and out of him, and Jim was reduced to a puddle of emotions draining out of his mouth in an unfiltered stream: “Spock, please, right there, please, love-”

There was a sharp pull of breath behind him, and the fingers stilled completely. 

It took Jim a second to come down from the cloud he was on, but once he realized what he’d said he was as still as Spock- a difficult thing for a human in general, and even more difficult with something up your ass. He hadn’t even noticed he was saying it.


Spock pulled out of him. There was a short silence, but Jim didn’t feel his usual urge to fill it with chatter. Instead he turned around, placing his hands comfortingly on Spock’s hips.

Then he looked down.

“I love you,” Jim declared. This time he saw it as it happened- Spock’s dick twitched at his words, and his blush intensified. Adorable.

“My love,” he repeated, It was strange how comfortable he was saying it, considering he’d never said it before. Maybe it was the certainty- after two years the concept didn’t seem so strange, or maybe it was just easy to say because it was Spock. Things had always been easy with him. Regardless, before Spock could even reply, Jim was kissing him again. There’d be time for talking, christ, he wanted to show Spock how much he loved him-

Spock was on top of him again, and back to making Jim sigh with how his fingers twisted inside him and how he bit around his ears. It seemed to be a project to Spock, finding all the ways to turn him on. Jim wondered how long he was going to keep it up.


A long time, it turned out. Jim was furious that Spock’s near perfect self-control extended here as well. Satisfied at last that Jim was ready, after what felt like forty minutes of Jim insisting, in increasingly desperate tones, that he was ready and had been ready for twenty minutes- or two years, depending on how you looked at it- Spock finally withdrew his fingers, and Jim moaned and pushed his hips back at the sound of Spock undoing his belt and tossing it to the floor.

He hoped that nothing pavlovian would happen regarding that sound and his dick- there were a lot of harnesses buckled and unbuckled on spaceships, and captain’s chairs couldn’t hide much.

“Are you ready?”

Jim smacked his fist against the mattress. “Yes, damnit!” Ugh, he was starting to sound just like Bones. “I was ready the hundredth time you asked!”

Though he couldn’t see Spock, he heard the smile in his voice. “There is no shame in being thorough.”

Before Jim could give a snappy retort, Spock was pushing in, and he couldn’t think thoughts anymore. He understood now why Spock had stretched him out for so long- Spock was huge, at least 40% bigger than any dick he’d had, and he’d had fucking plenty. He vaguely registered Spock’s head buried in his shoulder, biting his collarbone as he tried to let Jim adjust. Jim’s hands left scratches down Spock’s back as the flow of words started again. “Spock, fuck , I love you, please , fuck me-”

And Spock did.

The second time he pushed in sent the bed slamming against the wall, and Jim saw stars. Spock settled into a quick rhythm, forcing Jim to scrabble to grab the headboard. All he could feel was Spock, all he could think about was Spock, filling him up and running his hands over Jim’s thighs like he was the most precious thing in the world.

But he couldn’t enjoy it for long- they were both too worked up to last long. Spock’s hips started to stutter, his rhythm erratic and then falling apart completely. He was close. Grabbing Jim’s cock, Spock stroked him furiously, forcing Jim to bite his lip so hard he tasted metal for a second before Spock could lick it away.

“Ah!” Jim cried as Spock thrust in again, vision going dark for a second. “I’m so-” Jim panted. “Lucky I met you.” He threw his head back with another sharp thrust. “Fuck.”

“Jim, ashaya-” Spock cut himself off with a loud moan that made Jim’s cock twitch in his hand. “You almost make me believe in luck.” Spock was breathing hard, eyes squeezed shut with equal parts pleasure and concentration.

“Spock, you almost make me-” he could feel his skin tingling, pleasure building in his whole torso. “Believe in-” Jim felt his hips seize up. “Miracles.” It was all he could do to get the word out before he was making a choked sound and arching his back, feeling his dick pulse as he came across his stomach. Not even a second later, he felt Spock throb and seize up inside him, squirming in pleasure at the feeling of hot liquid filling him up. He heard Spock say something in Vulcan that he didn’t recognize, but the thought flew out of his head as quickly as it had come in.

Jim let his head fall back in exhaustion, making a small thud on the pillow as his eyes fell halfway shut. He had no energy to close his mouth, instead letting his jaw relax and panting as Spock pressed small, fluttering kisses to his cheek and forehead. Finally the Vulcan’s strength seemed to give out and with a grunt he collapsed next to Jim, tucking him so sweetly into his chest that Jim felt rather woozy with delight.

In a moment, as if with one mind, they opened their eyes and touched their foreheads together. Jim stared into Spock’s eyes, black and deep as space, and his thoughts strayed to Vulcan mind melds- would Spock ever want to do that with him? It might have been the post-sex emotional roller coaster, but at the moment Jim thought it sounded like the best idea in the world. Even though they were already pressed together, as close as carbon-based lifeforms could get, Jim wanted more- wanted to melt into Spock’s body and never come out. Melding their minds? Having Spock inside him mentally and physically? Yes, please.

Jim let his eyes flick down to Spock’s mouth, pink and slick with kissing, and he froze, even his breath not daring to move either in or out of his throat. Spock was- he was-

“Spock!” Jim gripped his waist tight, unable to find words for a second. “You’re grinning!”

Spock ducked his head, still smiling wide enough to split his face as he stared at their interlocked limbs. “Indeed,” he said, embarrassed. “I cannot seem to stop myself. This is most disturbing.”

He brought up a hand to cover his mouth, but Jim reached out and stopped him. “Please don’t,” he said, suddenly breathless. “It’s beautiful.”

“As you wish,” Spock smiled at Jim in a way that he could only describe as adoring.

“Oh yeah!” Jim pecked in a moment of joy that he’d managed to remember the new word he’d heard Spock say. “What does t’hy’la mean?” He hoped it was a vulcan swear. He hadn’t had much time to beg Uhura to teach him any.

“It means that you and I are destined to be together for all eternity,” Spock panted. Jim had to fuck Spock like that more often- usually when he talked about stuff like this he flushed and dance around the topic. Jim liked these easy, trusting answers. “We are meant to protect each other in battle and love each other until the stars fade from the sky. I am meant to be yours, and you are meant to be mine.”

Jim grinned, allowing himself one moment of unadulterated sappiness before poking Spock teasingly.

“I am yours, you know.”

“You are.” Spock’s voice was deep again, full of possessiveness. Jim practically fainted in the man’s arms. “And I am yours, ashayam. As long as you want me.”

“Forever?” Jim tried to sound nonchalant, but Spock’s superior ears caught the human’s uptake of breath and the nervous hammering of his heart.

Spock chuckled and buried his lips in Jim’s hair. 


And hearing this, Jim wasted no time in planting a kiss right on the Vulcan’s smiling mouth.


From then on, Jim lived for the moments he could force Spock into one of his dazzling smiles. He loved to hear the quiet snorts of laughter coming from the seat next to him when Jim would make wisecracks during class, loved seeing Spock’s hand coming up to cover his grin when Jim would stare at him across the table during lunch (and his quiet smile the first time he’d called Jim t’hy’la in font of other people and Uhura had shot out of her seat with glee before anyone else could understand what it meant), loved feeling Spock smiling against his lips as they shared one of their dizzying kisses, loved seeing Spock’s smile become practically delirious when Jim ran his fingers over Spock’s in the ozh’esta right in front of their entire lunch table (who all responded with teasing and retching sounds), loved, loved, loved that Spock was happy, was his.

He would punch God himself to keep it that way.