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The Hardest Thing

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The Hardest Thing

The Hardest Thing

by Jay

[Story Headers]

Title: The Hardest Thing
Author: Jay
Rating: PG-13
Category: Mulder/Doggett Slash
Spoilers: None
Keywords: Slash
Summary: Mulder and Doggett are on a
case together. Some true feelings come
out. Doggett blows a case, Mulder takes off. How will it end?
Feedback: Always welcome.
Archive: Free to all, just let me know first please.

Disclaimer: Mulder, Doggett,Scully and all things X-Files are mine in my heart, but legally belong to C.C. No harm intended.

"The Hardest Thing"

Doggett sat in the bar and sipped his beer. He was still trying to figure out why Mulder wanted him to meet him here, of all places. Things had been strained between them since they had shared that first unexpected kiss on the last case they had worked together. Doggett had finally given in to his intense attraction to Mulder and had acted on it. Mulder had accepted willingly but the heated kiss was as far as it had gone. Now things were tense between them and it was driving Doggett insane.

"Lost in thought?" Mulder's velvety voice whispered close to Doggett's ear. Doggett turned his head and felt a twinge in his lower abdomen at the site of Fox Mulder in tight stone washed jeans and a white button up shirt. The shirt was unbuttoned enough to show Mulder's chest and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, showing off his tan forearms.

"Wondering what the hell I'm doing here." Mulder sat down across from Doggett.

"Going deeper undercover." Mulder said with a glance around. Doggett's mind snagged on the "undercover."

"And how are we doing that?"

"You'll see." Was Mulder's only response. Doggett hated it when Mulder played coy just because he could.
"Do you sing?" Mulder asked out of nowhere.

"Do I...huh?" Doggett huffed.

"Sing. Do you sing?"


"I figured that. I don't either but I guess since I'm prepared, I'll have to do it."

"What the hell are you rambling on about?"

"It seems that one of our guys likes to sing and he entered a contest here. I figure we can enter too and get a little closer to the suspect that way."

Doggett studied Mulder. "Why not just..."

"Speak of the Devil." Mulder interrupted.

Doggett followed Mulder's gaze. Their two main suspects has just entered the bar.

"I guess I'll see you..." Doggett caught the hesitation in Mulder's voice. "Later." Mulder finished. Doggett's brow wrinkled. What was that all about? He contemplated the situation with between him and Mulder as the contest started and singer after singer attempted to sing their twangy, tear jerking country song.

His best guess was that Scully was Mulder's main concern as far as any relationship with Doggett went. Doggett still wasn't sure what the exact connection between Mulder and Scully was, but he guessed it was something similar to his and Monica's situation.
He was just finishing his third beer when the lights dimmed all over the bar and a spotlight eluminated Mulder as he walked to a stool on the stage. He sat on the stool and adjusted the microphone.

The spotlight on Mulder made him look incredible. Doggett couldn't take his eyes off of him. The soft sound of a guitar introduced the song and Mulder, eyes closed, began to sing. There were no others sounds in the bar. Everyone was entranced by the vision on the stage. John Doggett's breath stopped in his chest.
"It's the third hardest thing I'll ever do..."Mulder sang in a voice to rival any sound an angel might make. He opened his eyes and met Doggett's without having to seek them. "...leaving here, without you."
Doggett's chest hitched.

"And the second hardest thing I'll ever telling her...about you."

Mulder's eyes closed again and his chest heaved slightly. This caused a low whoop from a woman in the crowd somewhere. Doggett didn't hear it.

"She's been good to me when things were going rough. How can I tell her now that good ain't good enough?"

Mulder's eyes opened and again he found Doggett's. His hand went to the microphone and he pulled it closer to his lips.

"Ahhh, but the hardest thing I'll ever have to do...Is holding her...and loving you."
Doggett realized he wasn't breathing and sucked in a breath.

Mulder turned his head from the microphone as the music picked up and more calls rose from the crowd. "If she'd give me one good reason I'd be gone...but she ain't thing wrong. So don't expect me just to walk out of the door." Once again he turned his eyes to Doggett. "I sill love her...but I love you more." Doggett's mind raced. Every muscle in his body felt tight and electric.

"She's been good to me when things weren't going right. She made my days long before you made my nights. So the hardest thing I'll ever have to holding her... and loving you.

Mulder took the microphone from it's stand. Women in the crowd were going all out for him now.
"Yeah, the hardest thing I'll ever have to holding her...and loving you."

The microphone was right at his lips now as he stood and kept his eyes locked with Doggett's.
"Oh the hardest thing I'll ever have to holding her...and loving you."
Cheers from the crowd filled the bar. Mulder simply walked off stage.

The spell now broken, Doggett jumped to his feet and strained to see Mulder over the heads of the cheering crowd. He pushed roughly through the people and headed for the side of the stage where Mulder had exited. The announcer on stage was trying to talk over the cheers and whistles.

"Alright! Alright! Calm down ladies, I'm sure you'll get another chance to see him. I hate to say it, but I think this contest is over. However we do have a few more acts.." Doggett reached the side door of the stage and shoved through it.

"Hey!" Someone on the other side of the door yelled. "Watch it!"

Doggett didn't see Mulder anywhere. He turned to a guy at a small table.
"The guy who just came off the stage, where'd he go?" The man at the table seemed about to make a smart comment but changed his mind when he looked at Doggett. "Out the back." the guy said and jerked his head toward the back exit.

Doggett headed in the direction of the exit door. When he opened it he found himself in an alley behind the bar. Mulder was nowhere in site.

"Shit!" Doggett exclaimed. He cut back through the bar and almost ran for the hotel where he and Mulder were staying.

As he hurried past the hotel office the manager called out to him. "Hey! That guy you checked in with left this for you."

Doggett stepped up to the little window and snatched the envelope from the man's hand. "Did he leave?" Doggett asked.

The manager shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't see him if he did."

Doggett tore the envelope open as he continued toward Mulder's room. "John, don't come after me. Give me some time. Mulder." was scribbled on the piece of paper.

Doggett reached Mulder's hotel room and banged his fist on the door. "Mulder!"

No reponse. Doggett pounded the door harder, shaking it in it's frame. The manager came rushing around the corner. "What are you...."

"Open it." Doggett said.


"Do it or I'll kick the damn thing in myself." Doggett took a step back.

"Okay, Okay!" The manager fumbled with his keys and unlocked the door. Doggett rushed into the room. All of Mulder's things were gone. A half empty bag of sunflower seeds lay on the table beside the bed.

"Get out." Doggett growled at the manager, who was standing behind him. The man disappeared quickly. Doggett hung his head. He balled his fist and hit the wall.

"What?!" Doggett yelled at the hotel room door three days later.

"Open the door, Agent!" Skinner's voice called from the other side.
Doggett unlocked the door then went back to his bottle of tequilla.
Skinner opened the door slowly. When he saw Doggett he let out a breath and stepped inside. Scully was behind him. Doggett avoided looking at Scully.

"You've got a lot of people worried, Doggett. What's going on?" Skinner studied Doggett.

Doggett shrugged. "Same thing I told you two days ago. Blew the case."

"So why are you still here?"

"I told you. I need a few days leave."

"Something else is going on, John." Scully said. Doggett almost cringed.

"Get your things. We got you a ticket on our return flight." Skinner said.

"I'm not leaving." Doggett said slowly.

Skinner and Scully exchanged a glance.

"That's an order, Agent. You're leave hasn't been filed for or approved."

Doggett stood and stepped closer to Skinner. "I said I'm not going."

Skinner met Doggett's advance. "Agent, you'd better get your head on right. Step back."
Doggett didn't move.

"John, I know where he is." Scully's voice was gentle.

Doggett looked at Scully and stepped away from Skinner. So Mulder had gone to her after all. Looks like he'd made his choice.

"Mulder? That's nice. Tell him he won the contest." Doggett poured another drink and downed it.

Skinner started to say something but Scully silenced him with a slight shake of ther head.

"John, at least..." Scully started.

"Just leave me alone." Doggett interrupted.

Scully sighed but motioned for Skinner to stp out of the room. She followed him. As Doggett picked up the Tequilla bottle again Scully said. "Call me if you want to talk." and left the room, closing the door.

Doggett glanced at the door and thought about throwing the bottle at it, instead he turned it up and took a long drink from it.

The radio in the hotel room either picked up only country music or Doggett had been too drunk the night before to find a good rock station. He couldn't remember which. He sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his hands over his face. He needed a shave. There was the sound of a car right outside his room and he wondered if Scully and Skinner had sent the men in the white coats to pick him up. Doggett stood and stumbled for the sink. He splashed cold water on his face. The only clothing he wore was a pair of black jeans. The top two buttons were undone. He vaguely remembered doing that last night. He'd been thinking about Mulder.

There was a knock on his door. Doggett groaned. It had to be Skinner and Scully again. He did the same thing he'd done the night before, unlocked the door and turned his back to it. "I'm still not..."

"Don't tell me you converted to country music." came Mulder's voice from the doorway. Doggett whirled to see Mulder stepping into the room and closing the door.

"Couldn't find another station." Doggett mumbled, not taking his eyes off of Mulder.

Mulder nodded and glanced around the room.

"Why are you here?" Doggett asked.

"Wanted to collect my prize."

Doggett didn't look amused. "It's at the bar."

Mulder shook his head. "Not that one."
It took Doggett a minute to realize what Mulder meant. Doggett's blood surged with anger.

"Go back to Scully, Mulder. You made your choice days ago."

"Is that what you..." Mulder took a step toward Doggett and Doggett took a step back.

"Touch me and I'll kick you ass, Mulder. I sware."

Doggett saw Mulder's jaw clench. "Then do it." Mulder almost hissed as he took another step toward Doggett, reaching out for him. Doggett raised his fist and Mulder grabbed his arm by the wrist, at the same time pushing Doggett backward against the wall. His other arm went under Doggett's chin. "Stop it!" Mulder yelled into Doggett's face. Doggett's chest heaved.

Mulder's face and body were inches from his own. He knew he could break Mulder's hold on him. Instead he brought his hand up and shoved his fingers into Mulder's hair, pulling his mouth closer. Sucking in air through his nose, Mulder covered Doggett's mouth with his and moved a hand to the back of Doggett's head. He pulled Doggett close and used his whole body to pin Doggett to the wall.

When Mulder started to laugh against Doggett's mouth, Doggett pushed him away slightly. "What the..." Doggett's voice was rough.
Mulder's eyes roamed Doggett's bare chest. "The song." Mulder almost purred.
The radio sand "I like it, I love it, I want some more of it."

Doggett laughed a little and shook his head. "Shut the hell up."
He pulled Mulder roughly back to him. Mulder flattened a palm against the wall on both sides of Doggett's head.

"So, you missed me, huh?" Mulder asked, still admiring Doggett.

Doggett arched against Mulder. "What do you think?"

"What were you doing before I got here? Mulder's eyes drifted down to Doggett's unbuttoned jeans. Doggett smirked. He moved his hand down his own stomach slowly.
"Thinking about you." he whispered roughly. With Mulder this close to him, even the touch of his own hand nearly sent him over the edge. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall. When he moaned, Mulder nearly growled.

Doggett felt Mulder's mouth at his ear. His breath hot. "You're the one that I want, John." Doggett met Mulder's eyes. Mulder kissed him again.

When they broke the kiss, Doggett could barely speak. "Mulder, you're going to kill me."

Mulder chuckled and pressed his body harder against Doggett's. "You taste like Tequilla."

Doggett pushed at him slightly. "I've been living on it for a day or two."

"So I heard." Mulder said, giving him a quick kiss and stepping back. Regardless of the fact that he felt like he could pass out, Doggett felt himself stir at the sight of the noticeable bulge in Mulder's jeans.

"Down boy." Mulder said, putting a hand behind Doggett's head. "We've got plenty of time. We can take care of that later." He pulled Doggett forward for another kiss. When he stepped away again he moved to the bed and flopped onto it on his back, long legs stretched out and hands behind his head.

Doggett huffed.

"What does Skinner know? For that fact, what does Scully know?" Doggett asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed next to Mulder.

"Skinner knows as much as he needs to know. With a few embelishments. You and I got into a fight, the case was blown, you needed some leave."

"And Scully?"

Mulder shrugged. "She pretty much knows everything."

"What's everything?"

"That I'm in love with you." Mulder's voice was low.

Doggett wasn't prepared for that. His eyes went to Mulder's face. "Why did you pick that damn song?"

"I thought it fit the situation well."

Doggett thought for a minute. "Well, you managed the third and the second hardest things. What about the first?"

Mulder didn't answer right away.
"If that is your way of asking about mine and Scully's relationship, John, that's something that I'll have to explain over time."

Doggett nodded. "Fair enough."

Mulder raised up on one elbow.
"Hey, the truest line in that song? I still love her, but I love you more. It's a very different king of love. Okay?"

"Okay." Doggett agreed.

Mulder grinned. "Now, I need some salt and a lime."

Doggett laughed and shoved at Mulder. Mulder fell back onto the bed grinning.



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Title:  The Hardest Thing
Author:  Jay   [email/website]
Details:  Standalone  |  PG-13  |  14k  |  05/30/08
Pairings:  Mulder/Doggett
Category:  Story, Romance, Relationship
Summary:  Mulder and Doggett are on a
case together. Some true feelings come
out. Doggett blows a case, Mulder takes
off. How will it end?

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