It was a calm, quiet night in Homo House and the beginning credits had just stopped rolling, when a single cry tore through the darkness of the Homo Dorm.
"Sunwoo-yaaaahhh~" Hansung screamed. Surprisingly, yet quite predictably, he was still super into Sunwoo, who was his hyung a.k.a older bro but he didn't give a fuck about honorifics, because moaning out Sunwoo-yah sounds a lot better than Sunwoo-hyung.
In this case, though, Sunwoo was super into Hansung. As in ballsdeep inside of him.
Yeowool was the first one to complain.
He sat up quite violently, as the whole bunkbed rocked back and forth.
"I swear to God, if you don't stop fucking until I count to three, I will-"
Yeowool quickly climbed down the ladder and switched the lights on. With more anger than an angry bird, he ripped off his sleeping mask. The scales fell from his eyes, but at closer inspection, they were only the cucumber slices he had used as eye patches.
Sunwoo's hips stuttered to a halt.
With a groan, Banryu sat up in his topbunk, Suho was still asleep.
Jidwi was wearing earplugs and couldn't hear them anyway.
"What. The Fuck!" Yeowool exclaimed and stomped his feet onto the wooden floor like a four-year-old.
"You're just jealous," Banryu sneered and Yeowool gave him the total evils.
He was right. He was totally just jealous.
Yeowool stomped his feet again. "Y'all can't just start fuckin' right under my bed, that's not cool."
"You're not cool," Hansung shot back and Yeowool was kinda hurt.
"I called you uncool first, sooo..." he tried arguing, but it was pointless. Even more pointless than PointlessBlog.
"Yah," he started, nodding at Yeowool, "Nice cucumbers."
The sarcasm was more obvious than the dick inside Hansung's ass.
Yeowool made that little 'kch' sound like all those cool anime dudes when they clench their teeth which magically produces a sound.
"Nice sheet mask," he teased back, referring to the aluminium-coloured thing draped over Banryu's face.
One might have thought it actually served to transform him into Robocop overnight, but One was wrong with that assumption and besides he really didn't deserve to drop out of Show Me the Money 5 he's such a good rapper and he worked so hard so let 1Punch come back what the fuck Samuel deserves to be promoted
Banryu didn't bother leaning down more to find more to criticise. (His eyesight must have been bad or something.)
"Leave me alone, I need my beauty sleep," Yeowool made and his eyes narrowed.
"You're sooo right," Banryu jibed. "You really need a beauty sleep."
Yeowool huffed dangerously.
A dramatic low sound perfected their unbroken eye contact fight, it repeated itself over and over, and even sped up and sped up and sped up and-
Yeowool sighed when he realised the sound had just been Hansung's head hitting back against the headboard of their bed.
"Let's not fight," he said to Banryu, somewhat forgiving. "We have bigger problems to face." With a very obvious stare, he referred over to Sunsung. (Or Hanwoo????)
But Banryu stayed salty. "Fuck you," he simply gave back.
Below him in the bottom bunk, Suho turned around. His sleeping mask had fire printed on it because of course he was A Man and Very Straight so he had to Be Strong even in his sleep.
Yeowool strutted over to him and shook him until he woke up.
Meanwhile, Hansung had taken to pumping his own dick in time with the thrusts.
Suho stood uo quicker than Yeowool's cock in the morning.
"WOAH!" he shouted and his eyes went perfectly round. "Hansung's gettin' Daddy's steamin' semen truck!!!"
Yeowool rested one hand against his hip.
"Uhhhh..." Hansung made and at first it was unclear if he was gonna cum or if he was trying to talk. "Did you just call my Sunny daddy."
Banryu snorted. "That's gay," he teased.
Jidwi pulled out one of his earplugs. It was as if the word had summoned him from the dead and absent.
"What?" he asked.
"Gay," Banryu repeated unbothered and lazily chewed on his gum. Of course it's risky to chew gum in your sleep when your hair is that damn long but Park Banryu isn't like Other People™ so he can do it duh.
"I'm gay," Hansung declared suddenly before moaning about the huge ass dick in his ass.
Suho got up to join them on the bed. "Woah, dude, you're packed," he mused, totally staring at the way Sunwoo was thrusting and all that.
Yeowool did this. "Um, whaddafuck?" he asked.
"Yeah," Suho agreed. "What a fuck, you're right, bro."
"Stop calling him bro, he's like so uncool," Banryu pestered from above but Yeowool wasn't even listening anymore. Somehow Suho watching The Sex go down at made something go up.
He sat down next to his Bro.
Jidwi was watching them from his hipster mattress on the floor, one earplug still in his ear. He was probably listening to SHINee or something gay like that.
They were all. Very gay.
Suho straightly reached out for Hansung's thigh. It was probably soft underneath his fingers and it felt probably really warm, too, but since this story is supposed to be a Yeowool POV, the writer can only assume here.
Yeowool huffed. He still really wanted his beauty sleep, but to voice it again would only cause Banryu to make that same lame joke again. Besides, that thing between his legs was definitely tenting up his pyjamas and to go to sleep would be kinda uncool now.
So he put his hand on Suho's thigh.
"Yo, are we gonna make out now?" Suho whispered, because he was still new to this whole gay thing.
Suho's eyes flicked over to Hansung, then to Banryu, then to Jidwi. Sunwoo was so quiet it almost felt like he wasn't even in the room.
"Now???" he whispered again and Yeowool rolled his eyes.
"Fuck, just kiss me already."
In a very heterosexual way, Suho leaned over and pressed his lips against Yeowool's.
He tasted like absolutely nothing, because people don't usually taste like
when they kiss because that's a completely unnecessary romanticisation of the reality of kisses.
"Ahhh... Sunwoo..." Hansung moaned and when Yeowool checked, Suho was rock-hard in his own pyjamas just as well. At least.
Like in a peep show, they peeled off each others clothes, and Jidwi even turned off his music for them. The bed they were sitting on was still rocking from Sunwoo's steady thrusts, but Yeowool had found something new to distract himself from his jealousy.
"You smell like cucumbers, bro," Suho murmured.
Yeowool cringed a bit. "Don't call me. Bro. When you have your hand around my willy."
"Willy," Suho repeated and giggled like a sixth grader. "Never heard that one before."
"Are you even British?" Jidwi teased from across the room.
Yeowool glared at him. "Is your name even Jidwi?"
"Woaoahahahaa......!!!" Suho responded, but it could have also been his reaction to Yeowool starting to stroke his willy-wally.
They both moaned. Hansund and Sunwoo were fucking away next to them and as Suho tried to lie back, they realised there was kinda no room on the bed anymore.
"Let's like... Shift or something," Yeowool suggested.
Jidwi suddenly laughed, which in itself was scary, because nobody in this room had ever seen him laugh. Nobody had ever considered imaginig that he'd look like when laughing, but now that they all knew, the knowledge of the exact expression would be engrained in their brains until the end of all days.
"I was just listening to that!" he declared, quite happily.
"What?" Yeowool made, stone hard in Suho's hand.
Jidwi patted his mattress excitedly. "Shift! The song! By SHINee!"
"Who?" Suho asked
Jidwi pulled out his phone to show him the album cover.
Suho grinned. "They look gay."
"You look gay," Banryu got back into the conversation, but as Suho was holding a literal dick in his hand, the statement had the same effect as saying 'Hey, you're Kim Suho' or 'The library is closed until opening time'.
Yeowool only didn't facepalm because he was already palming Suho.
Softly, he tugged at his Steamin' Semen Truck and they got up to sit on Jidwi's mattress.
There was way more room because it was this like huge mattress that only he slept on like he totally has a bigger bed than them so it's really weird that they never realised he's the king way earlier in the drama honestly Jidwi was Special from the very beginning but okay
Anyway Yeowool got back to stroking Suho now and Suho started moving his hand too and Jidwi watched.
"Sunwoo-yaaahhhh~" Hansung cried. He still hadn't cum.
"Man, you still haven't cum," Banryu complained from above. His only purpose in this story was to look fabulous and pester, apparently.
"But I have way more potential!!" Banryu complained again, but the narrator just murmured something about production costs and that he was doing a great job just complaining, even just now in complaining that he's only complaining, he was doing an awesome job
Great work, Banryu.
Meanwhile, Suho had started pushing Yeowool back onto Jidwi's bed and he got between his legs and started fucking him. Yeowool didn't need to be opened up because he's a Busy Bitch and this isn't only a great alliteration, it's also a fact.
Jidwi was like right next to them, and as Yeowool started moaning with his head down in the cushions because Suho was so big, he totally tented up, too.
"These bitches don't deserve my royal cock," he muttered to himself, but of course everyone heard him since they were – as mentioned above – right there.
Good job, Jidwi.
"Royal?" Sunwoo repeated and it was the first word he had said in six pages Word Document font size 12.
"You heard nothing!" Jidwi hissed and clenched his fists. He couldn't let his cover slip and he couldn't have sex with a bunch of guys right on his royal sheets. When he clenched his fists, they squeaked like in all those animes where people clench their fists and it produces a sound as if their hands are always so squeaky clean.
Eventually, Jidwi got his cock out. After all, he was still a member of the Homo Squad™ and couldn't pass up a good Cushion Poundation™.
"So who's gettin' with the uncool people now?" Banryu teased but nobody gave a fuck anymore.
Suho was fucking Yeowool who had reached out for The Royal Flagpole™ and their limbs got tangled like in those badly written, confusing smut fics where it's not clear where everyone is even at because first they're on the bed and suddenly it says 'and he fucked him hard from behind'.
On the other bed, Sunwoo was still pounding into Hansung – apparently they could last forever.
By the time Yeowool started wrapping his lips around Jidwi's cock and sucking the life out of it, Banryu decided to climb down from his top bunk.
It wasn't because he was particularly interested in joining the ongoing orgy, it was just that the 15 to 20 minutes for his sheet mask were over and he needed to take it off now. Gently, he patted the essence into his skin, his eyes never leaving the five other guys.
One after the other, they reached their orgasms. Jidwi came down Yeowool's throat and Yeowool came all over Suho's chest and Suho came inside of Yeowool and Hansung came all over Sunwoo's sheets and Sunwoo didn't cum because he could, indeed, last forever.
"Y'all are so gay," Banryu stated once more, shaking his head a bit.
Sunwoo was still nervously rubbing his cock, silently cursing himself for mistaking viagra for sugar in his morning coffee.
"We are," Yeowool agreed, "But at the end of the day, you're made of salt and we're having fun and that 'Na na na na na na' song is still the best out of all the OSTs."
"It really is," Hansung added and Jidwi nodded.
Banryu climbed up the ladder to his top bunk and sat down cross-legged.