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A buzzing sound awoke Lucifer from slumber. 7am. It was way too early to rise, especially since he’d only gotten to bed at 4. He tried to ignore the buzzing, he did. The intercom to his penthouse did not stop even if he willed it for all his might. Groaning and pestering, he got up and answered.

 

“Lucifer….I’m really sorry, I know it’s early, but I needed someplace safe and yours was all I could think about…” a female voice trailed over the intercom.

 

“Candy? Bloody hell, yes, it IS early!”  Lucifer ran a hand through his hair. “Come up here, and let me finish my night first.” A bit too grouchy for his liking, but it was seven.

 

Not that he needed sleep, but he deeply enjoyed it and his recent…overgrowths were sapping his energy when he was around Chloe.

 

He went back to bed, whatever Candy needed would have to wait two hours.

 

It turned out that, in fact Candy’s problem could not wait two hours. It waited forty-five before it screeched loudly throughout his place.

 

What the hell?

 

He tried once again to go back to sleep, but it clearly eluded him. He needed something strong to wake up, Candy better had a good explanation for this.

 

He stormed out of his bedroom.

 

She was pointing at things out of the window to a crying bundle in her arms.

 

“Candace?” asked Lucifer.

 

“I can explain,” offered Candy.

 

“Well, it’s pretty obvious.” He stared at the baby. “How old is it?”

 

She…is two months old,” said Candy looking pointedly at him.

 

Lucifer drew a deep breath, which sounded more like a hiss.

 

“I didn’t know, okay?” Candy turned to him, hissing back. “That’s why I’m here, to ask for yet another favour, I’ll repay you, you know that!”

 

How her face could hold so much anger while calmly bouncing the baby must be quite a feat for anyone. Oh the composure Candy could hold, she was truly a fine actress.

 

“I messed up – and I’m not talking about my child - I wrote the name of the father on the birth certificate. I know, it was pretty stupid of me…but I wanted her to have something of him…you know?”

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He was going to regret this.

 

She dropped the infant softly in a baby car seat, picked it up and moved to his kitchen, Lucifer in tow. Lucifer patiently obeyed as she directed him to a seat. She grabbed a steaming cup of coffee from his mostly unused espresso machines, emptied two shots of warm Bailey’s in it before adding whipped cream.

 

He had to admit he must have looked pretty confused, she hadn’t spent that long here, how did she already know where the Bailey’s was and how did she know when he’d wake up. Rather impressive. Impressive was also the amount of stuff she had brought back with her.

 

“Drink up, poodle!” She snorted before looking dead serious. “My…ex boss found out about it, I don’t know how…I just wanted to lay low before moving somewhere further away. Maybe Alaska?”

 

“That is a dreadful place.” Said Lucifer, staring into his Irish coffee.

 

“You’re not mad?” Candy said in a small voice.

 

“That you didn’t tell me? No, I keep secrets too. I have no right to be.” He finished, mumbling as he drank his coffee.

 

“You still haven’t…” Candy was shocked.

 

“Not the point,” he shot her a look.

 

“Alright, okay, I have barged in here, and I’m clearly bothering you. I will book a hotel room tonight…”

 

“Not a chance,” he growled, “as you said, you need to lay low, and I’ve been made aware that parents don’t like seeing their spawns in danger, end of it.”

 

Candy nodded and took a breath. Lucifer braced himself for an explanation, he was going to have a headache, and clearly not from the Irish coffee he was drinking.

 

“Okaaay, so, I was feeling really bad when we met, I thought it was stress, but it didn’t stop and at some point I just had to check, because it wasn’t really normal. And there I was…pregnant. I had some money aside, so, I stupidly thought it’d be alright to you know…keep it. I could get a fresh start and all that. I was clearly wrong. So here I am, eleven months later.” Candy paused “Lucifer, meet Lucy.”

 

“You…” Lucifer swallowed.

 

“Named her after you, yes, I did, better than her useless dead father, isn’t it?” Candy shrugged.

 

“You named your child after me,” said Lucifer, voice laced with disbelief.

 

“You’re the only person who’s helped me in years. I wanted her name to reflect that. You can consider yourself some sort of uh…godfather. Ungodlyfather? Devil-father? Devil-not-father?”

 

“Oh, I like that one…” He smiled. “How much exactly did you bring in my house?”

 

Candy shot an awkward smile at him.

 

“So, I’ve got a car seat, a pram, my suitcase, obviously stuff for her as well, like nappies, formula, clothes.”

 

Lucifer blinked owlishly. This was going to be a domestic nightmare.

 

***

It took two days and probably less than ten hours of sleep for someone to notice.

 

“Lucifer, you look like you haven’t slept in days.” Dan winked at him.

 

“A wailing banshee is occupying my penthouse…don’t ask” Lucifer swallowed. Babies were not fun, none at all.

 

Dan snorted and patted him on the back.

 

He thought children were bad…but babies…it was like another hell for him. How would humans put themselves through this, often several times was beyond him. They let everything drop to take care of it.

 

***

 

After five horrendous days living with this demon spawn, it was going to leave with its mother. Lucifer was glad, he had enough to deal with, between the protuberances, the idiot Chloe was making heart eyes to, the Douche thinking he was getting laid when he specifically wasn’t – well, it was enough for him to be grouchy. Candy had found a place in Alaska to move to and he’d be free to do as he please, do who he pleased.

 

Right now, though, the spawn was crying again, he didn’t need to think too hard as to why. The smell it emanated was enough. Candy had just entered the bath, put loud music on and probably would not come back for at least an hour. Lucifer could either put a blanket over the baby and let it cry outside or change the nappy. He was not going to be a dick; let it be known that Lucifer did this to spite his own Father.

 

He picked up Lucy, she stopped crying and started whimpering, he knew she could see him, but couldn’t respond yet, apart from crying and make some other noises which sounded like…bubbling. Did babies regularly swallow bath water?

 

“How long until you can deal with your own excrements, huh? This is undignified!” Lucifer sighed.

 

He grabbed her awkwardly, trying to keep away from the source of the stench – he did not want to burn his Prada shirt – while still holding her properly, the concept of muscles was rather foreign for babies this young and dropping it would be an awkward experience for everyone.

 

So off to change a nappy he went. He was going to deface his own bar, which, for the reminder, had seen some pretty nasty stuff in its lifetime.

 

In the end it hadn’t been as bad as he thought. He was just glad he did not need to breathe to perform the action. He washed his hands with antibacterial soap, and then emptied half a bottle of Grey Goose on them just to be on the safe side before picking up the babbling baby.

 

That’s when heard the ding of the lift. He turned around and the Detective emerged, a file – no doubt from the case they’d been working on in hand.

 

Chloe gaped. Lucifer was still holding his wrestling package awkwardly.

 

That was also the moment Candy decided to come out of his bathroom, wrapped loosely in one of his bathrobes.

 

He saw Chloe look at Candy, then at her hands, no, fingers. She was moving them reflexively, counting. Oh no, he definitely did not like where her thoughts were going.

 

“Detective…no. Stop.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Chloe shook her head, “I thought…yeah... God, I’m so stupid.” She turned heels towards the lift.

 

“Don’t bring Him int- … Detective? I can explain the spawn,” he said, panicking. Lucifer was holding the baby as far away from him as possible.

 

“No, enough. I don’t want to hear your convoluted explanations. And for your information, hold that baby’s head correctly. I should be calling social services on you, Lucifer!” Spat Chloe before pressing the button to close the lift’s door as if it had personally insulted her.

 

He felt Candy pick her baby from his arm, she left him there to mull over what happened for a while on his own.

 

***

He wanted to scream. He had once again involuntarily broken Chloe’s trust, he never got a rest, for anything. He was doomed to never make things right. Besides he would never admit how much it had hurt him when Chloe threatened to call social services on him. As if he’d do anything to endanger that baby, as if he’d be anything like his own Father.

 

He could feel his nails breaking his skin where he’d clenched them in a fist.

 

A throat cleared. Candy.

 

“I will handle it, Lucifer; it’s my fault you’re in this position…”

 

“You sure I shouldn’t call the social services first?” He snarled.

 

“Enough with the pity party, if you had told her, this situation would never had happened.”

 

Lucifer glared at her, but let her go anyway.

 

Candy knocked gently. Nothing. She knocked again, more forcefully.

 

“Detective Decker, I need to talk to you, I will not leave until we’ve talked, just so we’re clear.” Candy knew how to make herself heard.

 

“I’m a police officer, Mrs. Morningstar.” She heard through the door.

 

“I don’t care. You’re going to listen.”

 

The door opened, Chloe stared at her. Candy swallowed hard, the woman was scary, even in her Pj’s.

 

“Just to make things clear, I did not sleep with Lucifer, it isn’t his child. I was already pregnant when I met him.”

 

Chloe’s lips parted, the police officer sighed, Candy visibly saw her straighten her shoulders.

 

“Is he paying you to say this? So you can leave? Or are you trying to con him?”

 

“What? No! He’s paid me ages ago, it’s really not the point! He’s not the father, I’m not asking anything out of him. I just needed a safe place for a few days, I will be gone in the morning. I just wanted you to know, he’s not the person you think he is…”

 

“He clearly isn’t. I don’t need you to tell me, trust me.”

 

“He has a lot to deal with, and he’s not doing things right, I know. He has terrible timing with…y-things! But he really, really tried hard to be good when I was there. ”

 

Chloe snorted.

 

“Thank you, Candy, for being honest, when he isn’t.”

 

“I hope that whatever is going on will be better soon.”

 

She shrugged and turned away. Candy was not going to change Chloe’s mind, she knew that, she just hoped it’d be one more proof that Lucifer was not the bad man she painted him to be.