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Taxfic 2017

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Lex supposed they'd been lucky that there had never been multiple simultaneous world-ending events before.


"Go," Buffy said.

"But..." Clark began.

"I'm the Slayer; you're the Justice League. Organized supervillains with nukes all over Eurasia? Justice League. Gross demon rising up in New Mexico? Me. I got this. Go."

"I'll be back as quick as I can," Clark promised, and took off.

"Be careful," Buffy said, and went to stand watch at the trap that Dawn had figured out how to build.


"Is he gonna be okay?" Dawn asked her sister.

"Don't know why you didn't come over and say goodbye, Dawnie. Sometimes it's hard, but it's better to say it than not."

Dawn shook her head and raised her chin. "It really wasn't that kind of a break-up."

Buffy rolled her eyes at her. Then the two Summers women joined their hands on top of the carved gold reliquary. They began to sing.


The cultists were an unpleasant surprise.


Lex was out of ammunition within the first minute, and had to rely on his sword. Hope and Mercy's gunfire lasted longer (and was more accurate), but they were reduced to knives before long.

It was important they keep facing outward, eyes averted from the abomination that Buffy and Dawn were fighting.

It was important they keep the cultists off their backs.


Buffy screamed.


Lex startled at the heart-rending sound, and his sword grated awkwardly against the last opponent's ribs and was yanked out of his hand. He ducked, turned and ran towards Buffy, keeping his eyes on the ground. He heard Hope sweep the cultist to the ground behind him.

Buffy had to be okay.

The weird lights and howling of the demon Grendsmnervon seemed to have stopped. The desert ground was clotted with foul-smelling slime. Lex raised his eyes and saw (with joy in his heart) the Slayer and the Key, both staring in shock at the unrecognizably melted remnants of a once-priceless ninth-century gold reliquary.

"Those nuns are going to be so pissed," Dawn whined.

"I'm the one who promised I'd bring it back safe to them," Buffy said, resigned.


The convent graciously accepted a sizable personal donation.

The receipt they sent Lex had a yellow sticky note attached. "For 'intangible religious benefits' read 'saving the world'! Thank you all so much for all you did, and God bless!"