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I'm Not There

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The night of the premier is hectic in the Hummel-Anderson residence. Kurt has been gone since that morning, looking pale and determined and beautiful and Blaine has only heard of him once, when he got a text thanking him for the flowers (red and yellow roses, of course) he’d sent to Kurt’s dressing room.

Blaine feels stressed. Burt and Carol are downstairs, entertaining the girls who are dressed nicely in dresses Kurt has designed for them and Blaine doesn’t know what Burt knows, what Kurt has told him yet. He hadn’t commented on Blaine being there or on the fact that Blaine apparently sleeps in Kurt’s bedroom again. Blaine knows that Burt has to know they are back together, because for one, it’s obvious, and for another, Kurt has always told Burt everything. But he doesn’t know what Burt thinks, whether he’s okay with it, whether he hates Blaine. And also, Blaine’s missed Burt fiercely and mostly wants to cling to him; Burt gives the best hugs.

So that’s part of why he’s stressed.

There’s also the fact that he hasn’t been out in public since the fashion show he went to with Kurt. He knows there will be press tonight and he kind of dreads it. He realizes he should have talked to Kurt about what they will tell the world about the status of their relationship but with everything going on, he hadn’t even thought of it. There’s speculation, of course; the pap’s have taken lots of pictures of them being out with the girls and one time of them out alone at a restaurant. But until now, it’s only rumours.

So that kind of adds to his stress.

Most importantly though, he can’t get his bow tie to work. He fiddles with it in front of the mirror, growing more frustrated with every passing minute. He needs to look perfect. He needs to look perfect for Kurt, who will shine tonight, and for his parents-in-law, and for the press, and for himself. There’s a knock on the door frame and Blaine turns to see Burt leaning against it, looking mighty amused.

Blaine sighs and unties the bow tie again.

“For someone who’s married my son and actually has a bigger bow tie collection than even Kurt does, you really suck at that,” Burt comments lightly, nodding to his askew tie and moving closer. Blaine chuckles and hangs his head.

“I’m just nervous, I guess,” he ventures and Burt nods, coming even closer and pushing Blaine’s fiddling fingers away to help him. Blaine smiles and lets him.

“You shouldn’t be. You know Kurt can do this. This is his thing. He will be great.”

Blaine bites his lip guiltily. “I’m actually not that nervous for Kurt. I know he will be fine. He was born to do this. Sorry. I’m probably a terrible husband for being nervous for myself on Kurt’s night.”

Burt chuckles quietly and finishes the tie with practiced moves. “Not a terrible husband. But why are you nervous?”

Blaine shrugs lightly and admires the bow tie Burt has tied around his neck.

“Thank you,” he says quietly when Burt moves backwards to admire his own work, “and I don’t know. I guess I’m nervous about, um, being out in public, with all the press and stuff. It’s never really been my thing.”

Burt nods in understanding and claps Blaine’s shoulder. “You’ll be fine. You have your family with you. We will help you dodge any awkward questions.” Blaine lets himself breathe and smiles gratefully at Burt.

“Thank you. I’m really glad you’re here.”

Burt’s eyes twinkle and Blaine knows he can see what else Blaine has been nervous about. He claps Blaine’s shoulder again, letting his hand rest there for a moment.

“We’re glad to be here. And I’m really glad to see you here, Anderson. It’s good to see you two back together.” Blaine only nods shakily, smiling and feeling some of the stress ebb away.

“Thank you, Burt. It means a lot.”

Burt grins and moves toward the door. “Now come on, the girls are waiting. We can’t be late to our guy’s big night.”


The theatre is crowded. Blaine sits in his seat, nervously tapping his fingers against his leg. He’s never been so grateful to have Burt and Carol with him, who are entertaining the girls. He hears a sigh and then a playbill is thrust into his lap.

“I swear, you make me even more nervous than I already am. Do something about that. Read the damn playbill. Salivate over the picture of your husband. I don’t know. Just stop doing the nervous twitching.”

Blaine grimaces but clutches the playbill obediently in his hands. Santana sighs again and pats his leg. “You know it will be fine. Hummel knows what he’s doing. And afterwards, you will glide over the red carpet next to him, making moony eyes at him. It will be fine.”

She then turns to her other side, where Rachel is wiggling her leg nervously to chew her out as well.

Blaine sighs and opens the program, flicking through it until he finds Kurt’s picture. Santana is right; he does kind of want to salivate over the picture. Kurt looks stunning in black and white, posture sure and eyes piercing and jaw angled just so. Blaine traces a finger along his jaw line and smiles before reading through his bio. It’s mostly his accomplishments, his degree at NYADA and the plays he’s taken part in.

At the end, he reads through the acknowledgements with a smile.


“Kurt Hummel thanks his family and friends for supporting him in his formidable achievements; his father Burt and his step-mother Carol, without whom he would not have been able to pursue his dream, his brother Finn and mother Elizabeth, who are giving him strength every day.

His daughters Emma and Elizabeth, who have shown him what true strength means, his friends Rachel and Santana, who have always pushed him to be his best. He would also like to thank his husband for believing in him and helping him become a better man.

Kurt Hummel knows that there are more people he needs to thank but his acknowledgements should not be longer than his biography, because that would both be tacky and depressing. He is thankful for everyone in his life and grateful that they are taking this journey with him.

He is most grateful for his best friend and confidante for giving him courage every day.

And since this has become tacky anyway, despite Kurt Hummel’s efforts to avoid it, he ends this bio with a Beatles quote.

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise


Blaine wipes his eyes, chuckling at the words and hoping no one has noticed his tears. The put upon sigh next to him tells him otherwise.

“Oh for god’s sake,” Santana murmurs, taking Blaine’s hand in hers and Blaine looks gratefully at her, seeing that Rachel is already clutching Santana’s other hand. They all smile at each other.

Blaine feels his heart expand, no longer unsure how he will talk to the press, how his life will continue to change. There’s a lot still to come, he knows. Tonight, he will go to his apartment and pack his last stuff together. And then he will finally go home.

But for now he watches as the lights dim and relaxes back into his chair just as the curtain opens.


Blaine looked around his new apartment, dim in the afternoon before he switched the lights on. The boxes were still unpacked, mostly books and his model robots, and he walked over to the window facing a corner of the Cooper Square. He looked down at the people for a moment, wondering how their lives could go on when he was here, in this lonely dark apartment, without his love.

He knew that dwelling too much on how his life had turned around would not do him any good. He would pour himself a drink and get to unpacking his stuff soon. But, for only a minute, he could watch these people down on the street disdainfully; he could envy their ability to move on. He would face the music, find a new project to work on, continue. But not tonight.

With one final look outside, Blaine breathed in and out slowly and closed the curtain.