Chapter 1: One
Blaine underlines the words twice; the pen leaving an impression on the page of the little notebook he carries everywhere.
Most people use their phones and Ipad’s and whatever other electronic devices to organize their lives nowadays but Blaine likes his notebook. It’s small and black and if it were ever to be stolen his fans would be disappointed to know how absolutely ordinary Blaine’s life is.
- Call Kurt
- Make sure to bring gifts for Emma and Lizzy.
- Buy gel
He is startled out of his thoughts when a hand moves in the corner of his eye, setting down another whiskey on his little folding table.
When he looks up, the steward gives him a coy grin.
“Here’s another drink, Mr Anderson.” He moves his hand back and pushes it through his blond hair before putting it in his pant pocket. Blaine’s eyes follow the movement out of their own violation.
“If there’s anything else you need, let me know.”
And his smile is just the right side of seductive so Blaine grins back, ignoring his tiredness and closing the notebook carefully.
“I was actually wondering where the bathroom is? Maybe you could you show me.. Steve?” He reads on the name tag and Steve smiles back delightedly, nodding and letting Blaine stand from his seat before leading him down the aisle.
Soon, he’ll land back in New York. He’ll be home at last. But for now, he will make Steve the Steward’s dream come true and get a blow job out of it. Life’s not too bad, when you think about it.
Before they got married, right when Blaine moved to New York and into a crowded loft apartment with no walls, they made a pact. They both knew how crazy life could get, how crazy their careers would realistically get. They also knew that they just didn’t work well if they weren’t together.
One night, when Santana and Rachel had finally quieted down, they were lying in their bed, Blaine still giddy with the realization that it wasn’t Kurt’s, it was theirs. They had been playing this game since Blaine had moved out during the summer. Noses and toes touching, fingers entwined, whispered “when we get married…”
Kurt nudged his toe against Blaine’s naked shin. “When we get married, we should never separate. I think we’ve done all the long-distance any couple should do. If one of us gets an amazing offer in another city, the other one follows.”
Blaine laughed quietly, his breath warm on Kurt’s face.
“Don’t you think that’s a little unrealistic? What if I’m still in college and you get a great job offer? I can’t go with you and you can’t just wait for me.”
Kurt nuzzled his nose against Blaine’s and shook his head. “I don’t want us to be separated. I don’t care. Married people shouldn’t be separated. My parents weren’t. Dad and Carol aren’t. Your parents never lived in different cities. I just think it’s important that we build our lives together, wherever that is. And if that means I have to take crappy jobs until you finish school and can finally come live with me in Paris where I open my first fashion line, then I’ll take the crappy jobs. I love you more than any career move.”
And Blaine’s heart restricted painfully, because his love for this man was sometimes too much for him to encompass.
So he did what anyone would do when they were finally, finally with the man of their dreams.
He agreed and surged forward to kiss his fiancé breathless.
Chapter 2: Two
Since I'm too excited for this story to play out, have another chapter. :)
Thank you for reading!
Kurt wakes just minutes before his alarm goes off, just like he does every day. For a couple of moments, he just lies there, going through everything he needs to do today, making lists in his head and contemplating whether blowing everything off for the day and just staying in bed would be a really bad idea.
But then his alarm does go off, telling him that Man Must Dance and Kurt heaves out an exhausted breath before pulling his covers back and tapping barefooted down to the kitchen to get the coffee started.
An hour later, the girls are sitting on the counter, gulping down orange juice and chattering on about their day. Kurt smiles along and makes sure that Liz eats something and Emma doesn’t forget her lunch box before ushering them out of the kitchen to get them to school.
It’s only later, when he’s sitting in his home office and singing along to the Cabaret recording Rachel got him a few Christmases ago, that he realizes what day it is.
He leaves the mannequin and skips over to the kitchen to check their family calendar.
In bright red crayon, Liz had marked today with “Daddy Comes Back”.
Kurt swears under his breath and moves back to his office to find his cell phone.
Blaine picks up after the fifth ring.
“I swear I was gonna call you later today,” he says by way of greeting. Kurt rolls his eyes and sits in his revolving chair, spinning around slowly.
“Welcome back to New York, Blaine. I’ve been swell, thank you. I hope you had a good flight back home.”
“I would have called. I would have called within the hour, Kurt. Seriously.”
Kurt stops spinning when he realizes he’s getting dizzy. “Sure,” he answers, because he doesn’t want to fight, “I’m sure you would have.” A pause. Then “You sound like you just woke up. It’s 12.30.”
There’s an edge to Blaine’s voice when he replies. “Why thank you for the automatic time announcement. I got back late last night. My flight got delayed.”
There’s some rustling and voices in the background and Kurt freezes in his chair.
“Well, it sounds like you still managed to get busy. I won’t keep you then. I was just going to remind you to call tonight because the girls will be waiting for your call and you will not disappoint them.”
There’s more rustling and Blaine sounds breathless when he speaks next. Kurt tries not to ponder whether he’s naked. Or who the guy in the background is.
“I will call tonight. Is 7 okay? And is it still okay for me to see them this weekend? I was thinking we could go have Afternoon Tea at Sarabeth’s?”
He sounds so earnest, always making an effort and Kurt feels his iciness melt away like ice cream on his daughter’s sticky fingers in the Ohio summer heat.
“Afternoon Tea sounds lovely. They will love that, Blaine. And of course you can still see them. You can always see them. I’ll talk to you tonight at 7, okay?”
Blaine’s voice is scratchier still when he answers. “Of course. I’ll talk to you then. Thank you, Kurt.”
Kurt spins around in his chair again, pressing his phone to his ear. “No problem. Welcome home, Blaine.”
He hangs up before Blaine can reply, before they can ruin their perfectly friendly talk. They have a way of doing that, he knows.
Rachel’s voice is singing to him how she hopes that maybe this time, she’ll be lucky and he closes his eyes for a moment before he turns down the music and continues to work. He should set up a date with her this Saturday; they could go shopping or have coffee. He will call her later.
College was hard. Getting a proper job after college was even harder. Blaine wasn’t sure what he expected from New York and married life and living in the city of his dreams with the man of his dreams but he knew it wasn’t working graveyard shifts at greasy diners and fights about spending all the household budget on a gourmet duck.
He wouldn’t have changed it for the world, of course. But it was still a relief when Kurt finally found a job at a fashion house in Brooklyn. It wasn’t Broadway, it wasn’t even musical theatre, but it was money, stable money. And Kurt seemed happy enough with his job, bitching about his colleagues and preening when he got praise from his supervisor. He was still going to auditions but he became less and less enthusiastic about them.
When Blaine finally graduated, he soon realized that Kurt hadn’t been exaggerating about how hard it was to break into the business. He did get a call back for the role of ape number 3 in Lucky Are The People At The Zoo, an off-off-Broadway play but decided not to go. Not when he’d auditioned for the lead.
“I know it’s hard, honey,” Kurt soothed him when they were taking a bath together and all the stress left Blaine’s body, his back fitting perfectly against Kurt’s chest. “You just need to keep going. I know how talented you are. We both know it. But maybe you need to show people how outstanding an ape you can be before they give you the roles you deserve.”
He carded his fingers through Blaine’s hair and Blaine leaned into the touch.
“Santana would never let me hear the end of it.”
“Santana once did a commercial for yeast infection drugs. She has no room to talk.”
Blaine hummed and moved deeper into the water until his mouth was covered by it.
He couldn’t take the role, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t imagine going there for a call back for one of five apes only to not get it in the end. It was the kind of rejection he just couldn’t take.
But after that, he went to other auditions as well. TV shows, small gigs at bars, carnival entertainment.
Until one day, he got the call.
Chapter 3: Three
I said I would update on Sundays, then I went and updated on Tuesday and now Monday. Clearly, I suck at schedules.
Here you go, I promise I'll be better next week.
Thank you for reading!
When Blaine wakes up, he’s hung-over. Which, to be honest, isn’t unusual. What is unusual is that he is in his bed, alone, and that he woke because his alarm started blaring “Not the boy next door” next to his ear.
It takes him a moment to realize that it’s Saturday and that he has to pick up his daughters in two hours. When he does remember, though, he hops out of bed and into the shower, excited to see the girls.
They’re eight and eleven now, which sometimes still blows Blaine’s mind. With all the filming he’s doing he isn’t in New York as often as he wants to be but he’s still convinced that his girls grow up so much faster than they should. He’s sure they will outgrow him soon enough.
He stands in front of the house at 11.55, freshly showered and gelled, sunglasses on top of his head. From time to time Blaine can’t help but wonder what it means that Kurt stayed in this house, their house.
When he’s feeling particularly bitter, he’s sure it’s because Kurt doesn’t care about the memories the house carries. When he’s feeling optimistic he hopes it’s because of the memories that Kurt can’t leave behind just yet.
He sighs and rings the doorbell, hearing footsteps coming closer and closer on the other side before the door is swung open and he has his arms full of girls.
“Umpf,” he laughs at the impact, pressing both girls closer. Every time he gets to see them he realizes just how much he’s missed them. Every time he sees them he realizes just how unhappy he is when they aren’t around. It’s a melancholy sensation that he stows away, focusing on the excited chatter coming from somewhere near his chest.
“Daddy, Daddy, hi Daddy”
“Dad won’t let us see your new movie, Daddy, can you talk to him?”
“Dad told us we’d go have Afternoon tea. Please say we will, Daddy!”
“Dad sewed me a new dress, look, isn’t it pretty?”
Lizzy finally untangles herself to spin around and show off her dress and Blaine grins at both of them.
“The prettiest, Liz, the prettiest. And I’m so happy to see you but we should go inside, okay?”
“Your father is right, you can assault him some more inside.”
Blaine looks up and only now notices Kurt, standing inside the doorway and doing his sarcastic half-smile. His smile turns a little more sincere when their eyes meet.
He hates how breathless he still is whenever he sees Kurt, no matter how many years have passed, no matter how much they’ve hurt each other. No one can ever take his breath away like this man.
Kurt rolls his eyes at the still chattering girls, ushering them inside. “Hey, Blaine. Come on in, I saw some pap’s earlier, let’s not make it onto the People cover this week, okay?”
He’s already moving further inside, leaving Blaine to close the door and follow into the kitchen, the girls taking his hands and leading him.
As soon as he enters the kitchen he sees Rachel sitting on the counter, Kurt leaning against her legs.
Of course. Blaine can’t remember the last time he’s seen Kurt without Rachel there with him.
He loves her like a sister, but when he and Kurt split it was clear that her allegiances lay with Kurt. Which hadn’t been a surprise but it still makes it a bitter-sweet experience to see her.
“Hey, Rach,” he greets her, kissing her cheek and relaxing into the half-hug she gives him in return.
“Hello, Blaine Warbler. You look good. Where were you off filming this time? Somewhere with lots of sun probably?”
She pads his tanned cheek and he laughs, fondness filling the space that’s left him bitter when he thinks of Rachel fulfilling her Broadway dreams in a way he never managed.
“Egypt. And thank you. You look lovely as always.”
She flutters her heavily made-up eyelashes, preening at his compliment.
“Such manners. You know how to flatter a woman, Blaine Anderson.”
“Once a Dalton man, always a Dalton man,” Kurt and Blaine reply in synchrony.
Rachel looks stricken for a second and Kurt looks down at his hands and Blaine hates that it’s awkward that they are still in sync.
He stupidly wants to sing Nsync’s “I want you back” but that would probably make things more awkward and not less.
Which is why he’s glad the girls don’t notice the tension and demand his attention.
“Daddy, can we watch your movie after afternoon tea? Please?”
Lizzy looks at him with her best puppy eyes and he grins because she is so very much his and Kurt’s child.
“Liz, we’ve talked about it. It’s not a movie for kids. Get your father to do one with kittens and rainbows and I’ll let you watch it, I promise.”
Blaine grins even broader and looks at Kurt, who’s staring their girl down.
“I’ll talk to my agent; see what he can do about the kittens.”
Kurt flashes him a grin before taking a sip of his coffee.
“You’re the meanest dad. I want to move in with daddy.”
Kurt doesn’t even flinch, he just rolls his eyes. “I’m sure you do. And I’m sure it would be a blast to leave school and just move around from country to country all the time. All you’d have to leave behind would be your toys and clothes and friends. And you could never go back to Antonio’s. But that’s a small price to pay, who needs their pizza anyway, right?”
Liz actually stomps her foot on the floor, glaring at her dad. “The meanest dad.”
And with that she storms out of the kitchen.
“Please get your jacket and Emma’s too. It will get chilly tonight,” Kurt hollers after her while Rachel giggles into his shoulder.
“She’s a gem at the moment. Puberty will kick in any moment now,” he explains to Blaine, who just watches the scene unfold with wide eyes. Emma tugs on his sleeve.
“Can you tell Lizzy that she can’t be mean to me? Can I sit on your lap when we’re at the resto-ront?”
She harrumphs, unhappy about her own pronunciation. “Res-tau-rant, honey,” Kurt corrects gently, giving her an encouraging smile when she repeats it under her breath.
“And sure you can,” Blaine adds and she beams at him. He feels overwhelmed already, like he always does when he sees the kids. He didn’t even know that Emma was still having trouble with her speech and that Liz might be hitting puberty is nothing short of a shock.
Kurt seems to sense his sudden anxiety and pats Emma’s shoulder. “Why don’t you make sure Liz gets the right jackets? I think the red one would be nice with your dress. What do you think, pretty?”
Emma nods and grins at Blaine one last time before she hops out of the kitchen.
As soon as she’s out of sight, Blaine slumps against the kitchen counter.
“Emma is still seeing the speech therapist. But it’s really better by now, she only has some minor problems when she’s excited. We’re working on it.”
Kurt says it so matter-of-factly and Blaine just stares at him because of course Kurt will manage this. Just like he tackles any problem, head on and without looking back. Blaine still isn’t sure how Kurt does this, every day, without any help.
“And Liz is really-?”
“She’s been getting moodier and moodier. I’m not quite sure whether it’s because she’s hitting puberty or something else. But school is good and she’s still friends with all of her best girls so I’m not too worried.”
Blaine nods, grateful that Kurt isn’t adding something along the lines of “if you’d been here you would know that”. Because that’s already what he’s thinking.
“I’ll be here for the summer. I don’t know yet which project I’ll do next, so as of now it’s indefinite. I don’t know if you have any plans for the summer holidays but I could-?”
Kurt and Rachel share a look that Blaine can’t decipher before Kurt looks back at him, something determined in his eyes.
“We’re staying in New York. I mean, we might be going back to Ohio for a week to visit dad and Carole, but other than that we’ll be here.” He pauses, looking unsure for a moment before he barrels on, “It would actually be great if you could look after them from time to time. I got a role at one of the theatres I’ve been costuming for and might need someone to look after them when I’m rehearsing.”
Blaine feels the breath leave his lungs and it takes him a moment to get his mouth to form into a smile. He can untangle his own emotions later.
“Wow, congrats, Kurt. That’s amazing. What theatre? What play? Is it something I would have heard of?”
He feels that his own voice is off and by the closed off expression on Kurt’s face, so does he. Rachel takes his hand between hers and he relaxes against her side.
“It’s Off-Broadway, at the Orpheum Theatre. They’re showing Little Mary Sunshine again, 70 years after opening it the first time. I got the part of Corporal Jester.”
He shrugs, clearly trying to be humble about it. Blaine’s smile finally turns more genuine. “I’m really happy for you, Kurt. That’s amazing. You will be amazing. If I’m still here for the premiere I hope you’ll get me a ticket.”
Kurt looks surprised, watching him curiously before nodding slowly. “Of course.”
Seconds later the girls run into the kitchen, bickering and pulling focus and Blaine smiles to himself, glad to be home again.
After he finished the biopic about the life of Dean Martin, moving to LA seemed like the most logical next step. He had more projects lined up, even though the movie hadn’t even premiered yet.
Kurt was wary of moving to the other side of the country, but in the end it just made sense.
“I need to be there if I don’t want to be passed over. They won’t wait for me to fly out to LA every time I want to audition for a role.”
Kurt tapped his fingers on the table of their favourite café. “And you’re sure that’s where you want your career to go? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve always thought of you as a handsome 50’s movie star, and I’m so proud of you, but didn’t you always want to be on Broadway? Hollywood is a long way from New York.”
Blaine smiled, only slightly bitter, and took Kurt’s hand between his, if only to stop his nervous tapping.
“Dean Martin’s career wasn’t focused on the fifties, you should really watch the movie. And it’s been such an amazing experience. I got to sing and act and it’s such an honour to be chosen for a lead that early on in my career. I just- I don’t want to miss the boat, you know? And Broadway, well, they didn’t really vie for my attention, did they?”
Kurt finally stopped fidgeting and leaned closer, a soft look in his eyes.
“But maybe it could be different now. With your professional experience you have so much more to offer to the big theatres. I just don’t want you to give up on your dreams.”
Blaine shrugged, averting his eyes.
“I would just really like to give this a try. The Hollywood thing. Dreams change. I already have an agent and he told me it makes more sense for me to physically be there if I want my career to take off. And if I remember correctly, it was you who said he didn’t want us to be separated. This is a huge opportunity for me and I just don’t think I could do it without my husband. You’re the only dream I could never give up on.”
Kurt scrunched his nose, a small smile growing on his face. Blaine squeezed his hand, beaming.
“I promise you’ll love it. Let me get you another coffee and then we can start planning.”
Chapter 4: Four
Since I evidently SUCK at updating on Sunday's, I am now officially changing posting times to Monday. I'm sorry, I hope I'll be better with this change in schedule.
Thank you for reading, and commenting, as always. :)
When the summer finally rolls around, it brings with it a stifling heat that builds between the sky scrapers and leaves Kurt in a constant sweat he tries to ignore.
There is a lot he tries to ignore. He ignores the stabbing sensation he feels when he watches the big smiles on his daughters faces that never seem to grow as huge as they do when Blaine is around.
He ignores the knowledge that he would have never been able to get into his role the way he wants to and design the last dresses for the winter line he’s been planning and take care of Liz and Em if Blaine hadn’t stuck around for the summer.
He ignores Blaine’s eyes on him, when he’s wearing shorts or tank tops or anything showing any kind of skin. He definitely ignores the heat he feels in his cheeks and his groin whenever that happens.
He ignores how normal it feels to come home after a long day of rehearsals to the sound of Blaine preparing a salad or barbeque with the girls, all of them singing along to the soundtrack of the newest Disney movie.
But mostly, he ignores the damn sweat running down his back when he’s standing near the barbeque in the little patio behind their house, inspecting the meat and vegetables as they turn darker.
Next to him, Blaine is watching the girls in the pool, laughing and shrieking and climbing up on Sam like he’s Mount Everest and they’re Norgay and Hillary.
Blaine’s cell phone rings and he glances down before muting it.
Kurt watches the casual movement of Blaine’s hands as he pockets it in his cargo swim shorts.
“That’s been happening a lot. Who is trying to reach you so desperately?”
Blaine looks up at him, clearly surprised he’s noticed. Kurt won’t tell him that he’s been wondering for days what the mysterious phone calls that Blaine continuously ignores could mean.
“Um, it’s my agent, actually.”
Blaine scratches the back of his head and Kurt wonders why this piece of information would make him sheepish. Which leads him to wonder if Blaine is sleeping with his agent.
“And you don’t want to take their call because they want you to take a role of some Cary Grant nemesis?”
Blaine grins and rolls his eyes, turning one of the chicken breasts over on the roast.
“No. But don’t even get me started on how much I want to play Grant in a biopic, especially if it’s about his time living with Scott.” He turns another piece of chicken and Kurt bites his lip to stop himself from giving orders. He’ll turn it back once Blaine joins Sam and the kids in the pool.
“He’s just been bugging me about accepting a next offer. But I’m not quite ready to start a new project, especially since I told you I’d be here this summer. So.”
Kurt watches Blaine watch the roast with utmost concentration, turning over another eggplant.
He’s not sure what to say, so he turns back to look at the kids.
“And how do you like being back here, now that it’s unbearably hot and the kids don’t have school and bug you all day long?”
He’s trying for casual but Blaine puts a hand on his bare arm, giving him one of his earnest looks.
“I love it. Truly couldn’t think of a place I’d rather be. I’m ignoring Tim’s calls because I don’t want to go, not because I think it’s required of me to be here.”
Kurt nods jerkily and attempts half a smile. “Well, if someone offers me a role in the Antarctic, I’m gone. Just so you know.”
Blaine laughs at his dry tone and squeezes his arm before letting go. “Duly noted. Let’s hope the Antarctic theatre and film scene doesn’t hear of this stunning and talented countertenor then. I think the girls might miss you if you went away.”
Kurt inhales and exhales twice before answering, focusing on his even and too warm breath instead of Blaine’s compliments. They’ve been coming on and off for the past few weeks, just casual throwaway lines here and there. They leave Kurt brittle.
“They’re used to having only one parent most of the time; I think they would be fine.”
He regrets it the second the words are out of his mouth, the second he sees Blaine’s hurt expression before he smooths his face into a stony and neutral one. He regrets the way Blaine nods to himself, watching the girls with a faraway look. He regrets the over-careful movements of his hands as Blaine puts away the BBQ spatula. He regrets that a part of himself revels in his ability to hurt Blaine, that he’s still able to affect him, even now. Even if it’s by hurting him.
“I think I’m going to join the girls. Sam looks like he needs some help.”
His voice doesn’t shake, doesn’t betray the emotion Kurt can still detect because he’s been watching this man and noticing everything about him for over a decade. He only nods and watches Blaine’s back as he walks away, watches him pull his shirt over his head and throw it onto one of the deckchairs along with his phone before jumping into the pool with a loud splash, making the girls shriek. Only when Blaine descends from underneath the water, shaking his head to get rid of the water in his hair does he look away, finally turning the chicken breast back over.
Los Angeles was a dream. His agent had told him he should move, go to auditions, wait until something fitting came along. And Blaine was willing to be patient. He knew he was only just trying to break into the business, that there were others in line before him.
He did not expect to be cast in the first movie he auditioned for. And then for another one right after that.
Fame came to Blaine like it had just been waiting for him and it was glorious.
They moved into a nice little house just outside of LA and Kurt was happy to decorate and re-decorate and make their place a home.
And then Rachel came to visit and told them she was taking a break from Broadway and what did they think about having her as a surrogate? So they moved again and only a little over a year later, Elizabeth Hummel-Anderson was born.
So really, Blaine’s life was glorious.
Chapter 5: Five
Will you look at that? As soon as I say that I'll update on Mondays from now on, I find the time to do the last minute editing on Sunday. So here you go. Thank you for reading :)
When Blaine wakes up, it’s to the sound of someone shuffling around and a few moments later, he feels someone putting a blanket around his shoulders. He’s disoriented for a minute, trying to shake the sleep but too comfortable to try too hard. Then he hears a sigh and opens his eyes reluctantly, seeing Kurt hover over him with a pensive expression.
“Hey,” he whispers and Kurt startles before smiling at him and moving back to sit in one of the arm chairs.
“Hey. Sorry rehearsals took so long. Are the girls asleep?”
Blaine nods and sits up, the blanket pooling around his legs on the couch.
“Yeah, I put them to bed an hour ago but thought I’d wait for you to get home in case they woke up.”
Kurt nods and stretches his legs in front of him. He looks exhausted. He looks radiant.
“How was rehearsal?” Blaine asks and picks the thread of the blanket to keep himself occupied before he does something stupid, like straddle Kurt’s lap.
Kurt groans and lets his head fall onto the backrest of the armchair, which is basically an invitation for Blaine to stare at his neck.
“Terrible. Apparently the girl who plays Nancy and I do not have enough chemistry. And Jordan, the director, gives us all these stupid exercises to help us but all they do is make me despise Ann. Which probably isn’t helpful when we’re supposed to be a couple.”
Kurt puts a hand over his face, clearly exasperated. Blaine shrugs and folds the blanket on his lap. “Maybe she’s not the right cast for Nancy Twinkle.”
Kurt groans again. “Maybe I’m not the right cast for Billy. I mean, my sole purpose in the play is to have playful quarrels with my girl. Maybe I’m too gay to have chemistry with a woman as Ann so kindly suggested tonight.”
“Yeah, well, maybe Ann’s a bitch.”
Kurt huffs out a shocked laugh, finally lowering his hand from his eyes and looking at Blaine with an amused expression.
“It’s always beyond weird to hear you curse.”
Blaine just rolls his eyes and puts the blanket aside, leaning forward on the couch.
“I’m serious, Kurt. You are crazily talented. You’re a star. And I’ve seen you have plenty of chemistry with women. Rachel, Santana, Mercedes, no one would bat an eye if you played opposite them. If Ann is a homophobic bitch who can’t act the playful kind of love Nancy and Billy have, it’s not your fault. So don’t let her get you down. Bring your A-game. She won’t know what hit her if you turn up the Kurt Hummel seduction.”
Kurt watches him for a moment, stunned, and Blaine begins to wonder if he’s somehow overstepped again, before a slow smile blossoms on his face and he nods. Blaine grins in return.
“And if you need more practice in the seduction department, I’m always here and willing.”
Blaine wants to punch himself in the face as soon as he’s said it and he watches Kurt’s smile disappear to be replaced with a grim line.
“I’m sure. From what I’ve heard, you’re always willing.”
The venom in Kurt’s voice slices through him and Blaine bristles.
“Are you calling me easy?”
“Are you telling me you’re not?”
They stare at each other for a moment before Blaine shakes his head. “You know I was just making a joke. I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Why you feel the need to insult me whenever I say something nice to you.”
He stands up too fast and nearly trips over his feet, trying to get to his jacket and wallet.
“Oh come on,” Kurt calls after him, “that wasn’t making a joke or being nice, that was flirting. Don’t pretend it wasn’t, Blaine Anderson.”
He’s just behind Blaine when he turns around. They’re standing in the kitchen now and Blaine leans back against the counter, shrugging defensively.
“So what? It’s not like I’m deadly insulting you by flirting. What is it that leaves you so disgusted you need to dish out whenever I do it?”
Kurt looks at him, his stance stony and unreachable and Blaine regrets asking.
“I can’t take it,” he finally says, more softly. “I can’t take it when you flirt with me. We see each other all the time, you’re in my house, you’re always here. But we’re not a couple, Blaine. We’re not together anymore. And I can’t take it when you flirt with me, when you act like everything’s peachy when we both know it isn’t.”
Blaine shrinks back at Kurt’s admission, watching the clock on the wall above Kurt’s head.
“So what are you saying? That you don’t want me to come over anymore?”
Kurt makes an aborted motion like he wants to move forward to Blaine before crossing his arms over his chest and staying put.
“No. No, I want you to be here. The girls love that you’re here. You know I would never stand between you and the girls. And I’m glad that things between us are.. amicable. But we’re not friends.”
“And you don’t want us to be.”
Blaine says it matter-of-factly, ignoring how hard his heart beats in his chest, terrified to be proven right.
Kurt shrugs helplessly.
“I don’t think I can be. Maybe if things were different, but.. we’ve never been able to be just friends. And I’m not sure I have the energy to try this time around.”
Blaine nods curtly, swallowing against the lump in his throat.
“Okay. Good to know. So, what now? Do you want to get a divorce?
Kurt’s arms fall to his side, clearly caught off-guard. “I-“ He stops, looks to the side before looking back to Blaine. “I don’t know.”
Blaine nods again, lowering his eyes. He grips the counter behind him, unbalanced and suddenly feeling claustrophobic. “Okay. Well, let me know when you know. I think I’ll go now. I’ll pick the girls up to the zoo tomorrow at ten.”
He puts on his jacket and pockets his phone, keys and wallet in deliberate movements and Kurt nods again, still staring at him.
“Good night, Kurt.”
He moves around Kurt and out of the kitchen, only barely catching Kurt’s “good night” on his way out.
Since Kurt’s career in LA hadn’t taken off like they’d hoped, he offered to stay home for some time to care for Lizzy. Blaine loved coming home from set only to find his husband asleep on the couch, Lizzy peacefully gurgling in his arms.
He loved weekends on the beach with their daughter, playing with a ball or building sand castles. He loved the way Kurt watched her and when they sang her to sleep.
They were sitting on their little patio one evening, the sun setting behind the mountains in a distance, sipping their wine and keeping one eye on the Baby Monitor.
Kurt’s feet were in his lap and Blaine patted his ankles, suddenly realizing just how little time they’d spent together, just like this, just the two of them.
“I miss you.”
And just like that, Kurt relaxed in his chair, all tension leaving his body. Tension Blaine hadn’t even noticed was there until this moment.
“I miss you, too.”
Kurt’s voice was soft; it felt like a confession, like something Kurt hadn’t been sure would be well received. Blaine pushed Kurt’s feet off his lap and stood up to crawl into Kurt’s lap and Kurt’s arms found their way around his shoulders like they always did.
He felt like a child, like when he’d spent the summer with his grandparents in Chicago and never realized how homesick he was until he saw his mom at the end of the summer, standing on their patio and smiling brightly at him.
He tugged his chin into Kurt’s neck, embarrassed that he hadn’t noticed until now, embarrassed at how much he still needed Kurt to feel balanced in life. Kurt just tightened his grip, shifting his legs to keep them both comfortable in the lounge chair.
“I think after this movie I’ll take a break. We should spend more time together. We need to plan what we want to do next, together. I’m sorry it took me so long.”
His words were muffled against the soft skin of Kurt’s neck where everything smelled good and like home. Kurt just sighed and kissed his hair.
“Honey, I waited for you to come to your senses back in high school while you sang inappropriate songs to twenty-something’s with floppy hair. This was nothing.”
Blaine grinned against his neck and looked up, rolling his eyes at his husband.
“Well, I waited for you to come to your senses as well, didn’t I? While you told everyone we were just friends and then blew me in the back of a cinema.”
Kurt did his best haughty face and shrugged his shoulders.
“That was just an act of kindness. You were so worked up that day.”
Blaine laughed knowingly. “Sure I was worked up. You made sure to keep me that way throughout the whole weekend you were there.”
They both stared at each other challengingly for a moment before breaking out into giggled laughter.
Kurt calmed down first, running a hand through Blaine’s curls.
“You know I’d always wait for you, right?”
“I do. And I love you for that. I just hope I’ll never keep you waiting again, though.”
Kurt shrugged again, the movement nearly jostling Blaine to the ground before Kurt’s hands secured him safely on his lap.
“I’ll just kick you in the butt if you do.”
Blaine moved his hand in front of Kurt’s face, holding out his pinkie. “Sounds like a good plan.”
Kurt hooked his own around Blaine’s and they shook them once in an awkward half-handshake before Blaine relaxed against his husband, happy to watch the sun set in silence.
Chapter 6: Six
For the first time, I think it's necessary to warn beforehand that today's chapter will include the discussion and dealings with grief. As the story complies with canon up to 5.09, Finn is no longer with us in this story. So I think you can gather that this chapter includes Kurt's (and Rachel's) handling with that. But it's nothing too heavy, I promise.
As always, thank you so much for reading and commenting. <3
Blaine doesn't ask again. It drives Kurt crazy. He comes over, he picks the girls up, plays with them in the pool, does dinner and breakfast and never asks again. He is friendly and polite, the perfect houseguest and Kurt feels like he’s losing control. So he does what he always does when he needs to get out of his own head.
“I’m glad you asked me to go out for coffee. Since you’ve started the play and Blaine came back to New York I never see you anymore.”
Kurt lowers his coffee back to the table, shooting Rachel a feeble smile. “I know. I’m sorry. Things have been.. intense. It’ll be better from now on, I promise.”
Rachel just shrugs and smiles, easy in her forgiveness and Kurt feels like something is different about her. He can’t pin it down, but she looks easier in her own skin, comfortable in a way he hasn’t seen her in years.
“So how is it going with Blaine back in the city? Is he taking good care of my girls?”
Kurt rolls his eyes but can’t help the fond smile that crosses his face.
“He spoils them rotten, if that’s what you mean. They will be insufferable once the summer is over and he moves on. But it’s been good. I mean, the girls love spending time with him and I have enough time to do my things, so that’s good.”
Rachel nods, taking another sip of her Chai Latte. “And how are you doing? Is it hard to have him there all the time?”
Kurt slumps back in his chair, taking another sip of his Iced Latte before sighing. He came to talk about his Blaine-problem, so that’s what he should do.
“Blaine asked me if I wanted a divorce.”
Rachel nods but her face stays neutral and Kurt hates that. He is used to seeing every tiny emotion on her face but she’s not giving anything away.
“And what did you say?”
Her question is perfectly curious, a prompt when he doesn’t continue and Kurt rolls his eyes at her lack of judgement.
“I told him I don’t know.”
At this, Rachel leans forward in her chair, putting her elbows on the table and lowering her sunglasses to take a better look at him.
“Why don’t you? I mean, you’ve been separated for years, you could get shared custody, it’s not like you’re planning to get back together, right?”
Kurt crosses his arms, uncomfortable and already regretting asking Rachel out for coffee. He hates that she knows him better than anyone. He hates that she’s never afraid to ask the complicated questions.
“Because if I don’t plan to get married again, why should we get a divorce?” He finally offers. “I don’t see the point, apart from making us feel uncomfortable and getting everything nasty back out in the open. And the girls- I don’t think there’s a way to keep them out of it and I don’t want them to get hurt.”
Rachel just watches him with her big brown eyes and Kurt lowers his own to the table top, following the line of condensation his drink has left on the table with his ring finger before looking at it in disgust and wiping it on a napkin. When he looks up, Rachel is still watching him, her eyes sadder than they were before.
“You really don’t think you’ll get married again?”
And this is what he’d been afraid of, this question, because he knows the answer. And he knows that Rachel will not accept anything but the truth from him.
“I’ve never been able to picture anyone but Blaine as my husband. And I- I don’t think I will ever meet someone I can feel this way about. I don’t even want to.”
He expects Rachel to tell him that he’ll meet someone someday. He expects her to tell him to never give up hope. Or that he shouldn’t be so melodramatic (though that would be hypocritical).
Instead, she shrinks back in her chair and watches him for another couple of moments before admitting, “I’m seeing a therapist.”
“You’re- what? Like, you’re going out with one?”
Rachel huffs out a laugh and shakes her head. “No. Like, I’m going to therapy. It’s actually not just a therapist, she’s a grief counsellor.”
Kurt is pretty sure this is what whiplash feels like.
This conversation so does not turn out the way he thought it would.
“You’re seeing a grief counsellor?”
Dread is already making itself comfortable in the pit of Kurt’s stomach and he swallows against it.
“Yes. Years too late, but as Sandy tells me, it’s never too late to take a chance. So I decided to take a little break with the Broadway stuff and focus on myself. Get better. I haven’t been a good friend to you these past few years and I’m sorry.”
It sounds stilted and a little rehearsed and Kurt asks himself if she’s been planning to say this with her therapist. Whether she’s talked about him in her sessions. He grabs her hand over the table.
“You, Rachel Berry, have always been the best friend I could ask for. Why would you even say that?”
She has always been there for him. She has been his rock throughout the break up. If this is something her grief counsellor has made her belief he will go down there and kick her ass.
Rachel just giggles at his expression and squeezes his hand.
“Thank you. You know I feel the same way about you. But- I think, we’ve both been self-sabotaging and-“ She squeezes his hand harder when he opens his mouth to protest. “No, let me get this out. I think it is important for both of us.”
He nods and she lets go of his hand, leaning back in her chair.
“I’ve talked a lot about myself in therapy. I know, shocker.” She grins at him and Kurt just rolls his eyes and leans back in his own chair, suddenly unsure if a coffee shop in Manhattan is really the best place to have this conversation in. But Rachel doesn’t seem bothered by the other people milling around.
“And I’ve talked about you, because you are the most important person in my life. And I realized that we are so similar that maybe I’ve been projecting my own feelings onto you. And maybe, you did the same in return? I don’t know.” She says, shrugging, and takes her cup before putting it back without drinking anything.
“I never really supported you in the right way. When you broke up, I just supported you in ending your marriage. I never really, you know, questioned whether it was the right step. Never pushed you to fight for your relationship. And maybe I should have.” Her voice and eyes are wet and Kurt knows what she doesn’t say, that they both stopped believing in happy endings after Finn died. So why should you bother fighting for them? Why shouldn’t they keep surviving their broken relationships instead?
He swallows against the lump in his throat.
“Not even you could push me to do something I don’t want. Hummel men aren’t pushed around. Ever. It’s not your fault that our marriage didn’t work out, Rachel.” He says, voice brittle and hands feeling jittery so he folds them neatly in his lap to stop them from shaking.
Rachel nods, but her expression only turns more determined.
“I know it wasn’t. But maybe if I’d been there for you before everything fell apart, if maybe I’d started my therapy earlier or if you had-“ She stops and finally takes a sip of her Chai.
“Sandy tells me that we can’t change the past. As if I don’t know that. But I think maybe things can still change if you do something in the present. And I think that maybe you should also see a therapist.”
Kurt rolls his eyes. “Sure. I’ll just do it in-between designing and rehearsals, before I have to put the girls to bed.”
Rachel’s expression turns stony. “Kurt Hummel. I know you are busy. We are both busy. That’s what happens when you’re successful. But it should never mean that lose sight of what’s important.” She answers, her voice as steely as her eyes.
Kurt quirks an eyebrow at her in question and Rachel leans forward again, putting the cup down with a decisive thump.
“You are. Your heart is. Please, just think about it. I think it might help you.”
She is so earnest and Kurt remembers how he just thought that she looked different and more at ease and just like that, his defences are blown away.
“I will think about it. But seriously, just because I don’t think I will marry again doesn’t mean I need help. My heart is fine. I am fine.”
Rachel smiles, clearly satisfied. “I know you’re fine. But I don’t want you to be fine. I want you to be marvellous. You deserve marvellous. And we both know I don’t want you in therapy because you don’t want to get married again.”
He’s silent, afraid of what she might say if he asked. She continues anyway.
“I think you knew I was secretly glad your marriage didn’t work out. Not on purpose, but I just- I think you knew that I thought this was just another thing we could share. Being single. Not having the life we thought we would have. Losing the person we thought we would spend the rest of our lives with.”
She sniffles against the tears that stubbornly stay in her eyes and eyelashes.
“Our marriage didn’t work out because Blaine stifled me and my dreams. Because he became a different person. It wasn’t because I wanted to have something else in common with you, Rachel.”
Rachel just rolls her eyes, the first tears escaping and rolling down to her lips where she licks them away.
"I made you feel like we had nothing in common anymore. I was grieving, you were grieving, but you had this whole life. I resented you for it. You knew."
Kurt looks down. He did know.
"I never wanted to break up my marriage because of that."
"But did you fight? Did you tell Blaine you were unhappy? Did you give him a chance to amend the wrongs?"
Kurt bristles at that. She is in full Rachel-Berry-steamroller-mode and he will never not react to someone accusing him of things he didn’t do.
"I did. I told him. He left."
"You didn't tell him to fight for you. You gave him an ultimatum."
Kurt shrugs and looks out to the streets where the people are running from one shop to another, glad for the AC systems the shops provide.
"He should have known. He should have known me better than anyone else. He should have known I wasn't happy."
It hits him hard, because whenever he lets himself think of how everything ended, this is what hurts most. That Blaine didn’t notice how unhappy he’d become.
He startles when Rachel grabs his hand from his lap and looks over. Her tears have stopped flowing and she looks oddly relieved. Kurt takes a deep breath and smiles at her.
“You are right. Maybe I didn’t fight like I should have. Maybe I did stop believing in happy endings when yours didn’t work out. I’m so sorry.”
Rachel just smiles wider and nods. “You don’t need to apologize to me. I loved that we were this force to be reckoned with these past years. I love you so much. But we both need to start believing in happy endings again. We need to find people to share our lives with. This is just a substitute.”
Kurt grins and squeezes her hand. “And we should never be the substitutes. We are the leading roles.”
They both start giggling and Kurt looks around at the other patrons who are utterly unfazed by their heart-to-heart.
When they finally leave the coffee shop, Rachel hugs him hard.
“You don’t have to know right now what you want. And it’s okay to fight for Blaine, you know? It doesn’t make you weak if you still want to be with him.”
Kurt nods against her hair, momentarily unable to speak.
“If I have to find my happy ending, so do you, okay? I can’t do this without you, Rachel Barbra Berry. I need you to be happy too.”
They let go of each other and Rachel puts her sunglasses back on. “Kurt Hummel, you know me. I will always fight to be the most fabulous of all. And this is now officially a competition. If you get yourself a man, I need to too.”
Kurt laughs and throws his head back to look at the too-blue sky.
“Oh, it’s on.”
Blaine was sure it was a sign from god. Or, you know, someone else since Blaine didn’t believe in god. But it was a sign. And Blaine did believe in signs. They had gotten him this far.
“You know how I told you about my co-star, Alisha?”
Kurt hummed in response, cutting the cucumber in even slices.
“The pregnant one?”
Blaine grinned and threw another potato into the pan.
“That’s the one. We talked today and it turns out, the baby-daddy is not on board with the whole thing. And since the baby wasn’t exactly planned, she’s thinking of giving it up.”
Kurt moved around the kitchen counter to get to the fridge and got out the lemon juice.
“Ouch. So much drama. Sounds like you could turn your set-life into a soap opera. Now tell me the baby-daddy is the producer or the lightning manager or something.”
Blaine laughed and finally put the pan on the stove.
“Not exactly. He works in the costume department.”
Kurt threw him a “no, seriously?” look and Blaine laughed even louder.
“So much drama,” Kurt muttered again before he began slicing the onions.
“Anyway. She asked me whether we’d be interested.”
Kurt looked up from his onions, eyes already a little red. “Interested in what? The drama?”
Blaine rolled his eyes and moved over to put the knife out of Kurt’s hands to take them into his own.
“No. Interested in adopting.”
The snort that left Kurt’s mouth was not exactly the reaction Blaine had hoped for.
“What, because we’re gay we should just take in any kid we can get our hands on?”
When he noticed Blaine’s dejected expression, he withdrew his hands from Blaine’s.
“No. Seriously? You want to?”
Blaine shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. “Sure. Why not? I mean, it’s like perfect timing. We have the money and Lizzy is two, she’ll be nearly three when the baby would be born. Don’t you think that’s a good age gap? I always hated that Coop and I have such a huge age gap. I want out children to be able to relate to each other.”
Kurt’s eyes got wider and wider with each word. “Children? Since when is there a plural? How many more have you been planning on?”
Blaine rolled his eyes, exasperated. “Just one more. I’ve always wanted to have two children. Just like me and Cooper. And you and Finn.”
Kurt looked down at the mention of Finn and Blaine bit his lip.
“Just think about it. I would love to make this family complete. And I think this is a great opportunity. If we adopt later we’ll have to do it through the system and who knows how long that would take.”
Kurt nodded and looked up again.
“I can’t do it if we continue to live here.”
“In this house? We can move. You know money’s not an issue.”
Kurt rolled his eyes and took the knife back.
“No. In this city. If we had another child I would need some help because we know you’re too busy to really help out. Your schedule is too unpredictable. I would want to move back to the East Coast. New York City, to be precise. I’d have Rachel and even Santana to help out. My dad and Carole could fly out so much faster if I needed them.” He took another onion and began slicing it. “I can’t do it on my own. Two children are too much. Sometimes even the one takes all the energy I’ve got left in me. So, you choose. If you want to “complete” our family, we’re moving back east.”
Blaine leaned back against the counter and watched Kurt’s sure hand movements. This was not how he’d thought this talk would go over. He’d expected tears of joy, not because of onion slicing. He’d expected a little celebration, but Kurt didn’t look happy.
It was just that Blaine was unsure what exactly he’d done wrong.
Chapter 7: Seven
I'm out to see the Beatles musical tomorrow, but luckily, I found some time today to edit some last stuff.
So here, have another early chapter :)
If it is Kurt’s intention to drive Blaine insane, he’s succeeding. July turns into August and Kurt’s premiere gets closer and closer, but instead of making him tenser, he seems more relaxed and free than ever.
Tranquil and comfortable is a good look on Kurt. Unfortunately, it does not help Blaine’s libido. At all.
“You should stay for dinner. I’m cooking the chicken breast thing with the raspberry salad. You know you want it”
And why would he sing this song to Blaine, throwing in a little suggestive wink and hip tilt for effect?
Blaine laughs, shaking his head, and Kurt grins at his flustered reaction.
“Sure. It’s early anyway and the girls and I prepared a little play for you today. I would love to see your face when you see it.”
Kurt nods and turns back to the fridge, getting out the ingredients and shaking his hips to the music playing over the speakers. Blaine stifles his groan and gets two glasses out of the cupboards.
“I can understand the desire to watch my face,” Kurt responds haughtily when he turns back to the counter, then laughs out loud when the music changes and “When I Get You Alone” starts playing. Blaine hangs his head and holds up the glasses.
“You want any wine?”
“Trying to drown your embarrassment in alcohol? Sure. I’ll have a white wine spritzer, please. The corkscrew is in the drawer there. But you can leave your toys in it for tonight.”
He shimmies and laughs at his own joke and Blaine would pout but seeing Kurt so happy, even if it’s at his expense, is too great to watch.
He prepares the drinks in silence while Kurt hums along to the music and gets to marinating the chicken breasts.
“So, what’s put you in such a good mood, other than making fun of my teenage endeavours?” Blaine finally dares to ask when he gives Kurt his drink. Kurt clinks their glasses together in thanks and takes a sip before putting the glass on the counter.
“I don’t know. Things are just coming together. Rehearsal’s been good. Tom, that’s the lead, talked to Ann and told her to stop being a bitch because anyone can have chemistry with me if they want to. And she actually apologized and we went to get some drinks with Tom and since then, it’s been great. It’s just such a relief that everyone finally knows their lines and moves and we have the costumes and it’s just fun. I forgot how much fun it can be.”
He smiles into his glass before taking another sip and Blaine watches his lips move around edge of the glass.
“That does sound amazing. I’m glad you have friends in the cast.”
Kurt nods before turning the chicken over and preparing the other side. “Oh, yeah, absolutely. In the beginning I didn’t really have time to make friends with anyone but they’re a fun group. Tom told me that most of them have been working together for years, so I’m glad they’re accepting me into their little incestuous circle.” He says, and Blaine nods and drinks some more of his own wine. He wants to ask if Tom is someone special, if he’s gay, what he looks like. But as Kurt had told him, they’re not friends. And Kurt definitely wouldn’t be amused by his jealousy.
So he asks about the play and the cast and doesn’t count the 13 times Kurt mentions Tom.
They have a great evening, his stupid jealousy apart. Kurt is more open about himself than he has been in a long time and the food is delicious, the girls don’t fight over who gets to eat which chicken breast and the play of Liz and Emma re-enacting Santana’s and Rachel’s epic fight over the chicken casserole that nearly burned down the loft is a rousing success.
Kurt films the whole thing, of course, and sends it to both women, who proceed to threaten Blaine’s life for telling the girls about it.
Blaine’s never been afraid of Rachel but he’ll make sure to watch his back for a dark-haired Latina from now on. Kurt laughs his way through the responses which he reads out loud to Blaine while Liz and Emma get onto the couch with them, Emma snuggling into Kurt and Lizzy sitting in Blaine’s lap.
“They won’t really hurt you, will they?” Emma asks and Kurt finally puts his phone down, carding a hand through Emma hair and kissing the top of her head.
“Of course not, honey. They’re just joking around. They love your daddy.”
Emma nods, still a little unsure. “But one night I heard Aunty Santana and you talk about daddy and it wasn’t very nice.”
Kurt stiffens before hugging Emma closer. “You know how she can get. She’s not always nice to me, but you’re not afraid she would ever hurt me, are you?”
Emma shrugs against him. Liz finally stops patting Blaine’s hair to pipe in “Santana is like a lion mother. We learned about it in school. They can get dangerous when they want to protect their children. And Santana does the same when she wants to protect someone she really loves.”
Kurt grins and grabs her hand over Emma’s body. “That is actually a very good comparison, sweetheart. And since Blaine didn’t do anything to hurt anyone she loves, she won’t be dangerous to Blaine.”
He winks at Blaine who rolls his eyes in response.
Emma seems satisfied and relaxes more into Kurt’s side, closing her eyes. “Okay. That’s good. And if she wanted to hurt Daddy, you would stop her, wouldn’t you, Dad? Because you’re also like a lion mom. You would protect him, right?”
Kurt watches her thoughtfully for a moment and Blaine holds his breaths when Kurt looks up at him at last, his eyes soft and amused.
“Always”, he answers, before poking Emma in the side. “And we know I’m the most dangerous one of all. But don’t fall asleep on me darling, this lion mother is too old to carry you to bed. Off you go, get ready for bed and I might sing a Lion King song with you before bedtime.”
Emma giggles and squirms away from the poking and Kurt grins and roars for effect, which makes both girls giggle and stand up.
Kurt grins after them and pats Blaine’s knee. “You should seriously watch your back though. I only said that to keep Emma from worrying. Santana will be out to hurt you for making fun of her. And I can’t always be there to protect you.”
He squeezes his leg once before standing up and going after the girls, humming Hakuna Matata under his breath.
It takes Blaine a couple more seconds to start breathing again.
Whatever is going on, it’s going to drive him insane before the summer is over.
It was the end of January when they finally moved to New York. Kurt had been flying back and forth to look for a suitable house while Blaine had finished his latest movie, organizing the move in patented Kurt-Hummel-efficiency, so when moving day was finally upon them, all they had to do was pack up the coffee machine and the last cups and get their luggage to the airport.
Rachel greeted them at the airport when they landed and Blaine’s first reaction to being back in New York was cursing the damn cold. It was freezing and Liz was asleep in his arms, giving him some extra warmth while Rachel and Kurt moved ahead, chattering excitedly about their plans for the coming weeks.
The house itself was gorgeous, of course. Some of their furniture was already there when they arrived and Kurt moved around the kitchen as if he’d always lived in it.
Blaine watched, transfixed, as Kurt prepared some coffee and cookies for them, his scarf artfully draped around his neck and shoulders.
“You really love being back here, don’t you?”
Kurt startled and shrugged, pouring milk into his coffee and Rachel’s tea.
“Why are you so surprised? I’ve always been a New Yorker at heart. The Californian sun was no good for my complexion.”
He winked and handed Blaine his coffee before moving even closer to kiss him once. “Do you like the house?” And all of a sudden he was Blaine’s Kurt again, all unsure eagerness, wanting to do everything just right. Blaine smiled and put his hand around Kurt’s neck, tugging at the hair there.
“It’s amazing. We’ll have the best time here. And you know I’m happy when you’re happy.”
For a moment, Kurt’s expression turned cloudy before he smiled again, kissing Blaine once more on the lips. “I know you will love the whirlpool we have in the master bathroom. Maybe we can try it out later, once we’ve kicked Rachel out and put Liz to bed,” he murmured against his lips.
Blaine grinned and nodded, getting the third cup before moving towards the living room where Rachel was playing with Lizzy. When he was at the door, he turned back to Kurt who was following after him. “Looking forward to it,” he said in his best sultry voice, throwing in a wink and an ass shake which made Kurt laugh and nearly spill his drink.
Maybe being back in New York wouldn’t be so bad after all.
Chapter 8: Eight
Since it was my birthday last Friday and I was in London for the weekend, we're back to the Monday-posting. Sorry.
“-it’s just that this fashion show will be so gorgeous, I just know it. It’s always a show worth watching, with the staging and the music and the clothes. I want to go, but-“
“But not alone,” Tom interrupts him and Kurt nods, chagrined.
They’re on their way out of the theatre and Kurt can’t wait to get home because he’s going out for dinner with Blaine and the girls. Which sounds fancier than their planned picnic in Central Park, but Kurt’s looking forward to it either way. He just hopes Blaine has already started the preparations before he gets home.
“Going to such an event alone is like social suicide. And since my estranged husband is as famous as he is, everyone makes sure to keep a close eye on my date for the night.” Kurt says, rolling his eyes and punching Tom’s arm when he laughs in reply.
They’re pushing their way through the costume department, which smells sweaty and stuffy and makes Kurt wrinkle his nose.
“What about your best friend? Rachel, right?”
Kurt nods and pushes the back door open, glad to breathe in fresh air after hours in the theatre.
“I’ve taken her and even Santana too many times to count. It gets depressing that I can’t get a real date.”
Tom laughs again and punches his shoulder and Kurt grins before he looks up and stops short at the sight of his daughters and Blaine standing just next to the building.
“Hey! What are you doing here?” He says and can’t help his wide smile, jogging the few steps towards them and the girls giggle and grin while Blaine looks slightly sheepish for some reason.
“Daddy and Emma and I did all the picnic preparations and wanted to surprise you!” Liz calls, hugging Kurt around the waist and Kurt beams down at her.
“We just thought it made no sense for you to come back out all the way just to drive back into the city later on again,” Blaine explains and Kurt directs his smile at him.
“That’s very thoughtful. Thank you.”
He feels a hand on his shoulder and turns to Tom, who he’d momentarily forgotten in his surprise.
“Oh, right. This is Tom, he’s our leading star,” he grins at Tom’s eye roll, “and these are my daughters, Emma and Elizabeth, and I’m sure you’ve seen Blaine in a movie before.”
Kurt grins even broader at Blaine’s eye roll before the two men shake hands.
“Nice to meet you. Sorry, we didn’t mean to interrupt the two of you, the girls just wanted to surprise their dad.” Blaine’s voice is pleasant and Kurt and Tom share a look. The knowing glint in Tom’s eyes makes Kurt squirm.
“No interrupting, don’t worry. Kurt was just telling me how he can’t find a date for this fashion show he really wants to go to.”
Kurt was also just planning how to push Tom down the stage at the next rehearsal. Telling the ex-husband that he can’t find himself a date? That’s at least worth a trip up.
“And you were offering to go with him?” Blaine’s voice is still pleasant and Kurt watches him, sees his friendly façade and only very nearly keeps in his indelicate snort.
“God, no. Fashion shows really ain’t my thing. I’ve been brought up defying every gay stereotype,” he does his exaggerated jazz hands, “apart from theatre and show tunes, of course.”
Kurt laughs and Tom punches his shoulder again, winking at him. Blaine just nods while the kids stare at Tom in fascination.
“And since Kurt is reluctant to take one of his girlfriends to the show, we were thinking of people he could ask.”
Kurt realizes a second too late where Tom is going with this and doesn’t react fast enough when Tom does his dramatic pause bit before looking like he’s just had the most brilliant idea.
“Hey! How about you go with him? You like fashion, right?”
Blaine looks unsure, like the conversation did not take the direction he’d thought it would and Kurt knows he won’t trip up Tom, he will physically push him down the stage.
“Um, sure, I love fashion,” Blaine finally answers, shooting Kurt a tentative smile.
Tom claps his hands, clearly satisfied. “Great. From what I’ve heard the show will be amazing. I’m sure the two of you will have a great time.”
Kurt sees Tom wink at the girls in conspiracy and bites his lip to stop himself from eviscerating Tom right here and now.
Blaine doesn’t seem to notice, too busy staring at Kurt. “Are you sure you don’t mind, Kurt?”
And the thing is, Kurt doesn’t. He doesn’t mind one bit because he’d actually been unable to think of anyone else he’d wanted to take to the show ever since he’d gotten the invitation. But he’s not 13 anymore; if he wants a date, he gets himself a date. He doesn’t need meddling friends. He just needed some more time to figure out a good way to ask Blaine.
But what’s done is done and so he swallows his pride and nods with a smile.
“That would be great, actually. At least you understand fashion. It’ll be fun.”
Blaine’s blinding smile is enough to forget his revenge plans for a moment and he smiles back before turning to Tom to say goodbye and let him know with his smile and eyes only that he is so not off the hook.
Tom only grins in reply and kisses his cheek, giggling at the way Kurt squirms away.
He’ll have all night to come up with a good revenge plan. Right now he is going to have a nice picnic in the park with his favourite people and enjoy the last sunbeams of the day.
Having two small children was more work than Blaine had anticipated. Emma was wonderful, the happiest little baby, but she was still a baby and demanded all of their attention.
It cut into their personal time as a couple and even though Blaine didn’t take another movie project for half a year after Emma was born, he still felt like it shouldn’t have been that much work.
Blaine heard Kurt mutter about diapers and how he’d just put them away before Emma was born because Lizzy was finally potty-trained. He also heard Kurt talk in hushed tones on the phone, most likely to Rachel, but for some reason, Kurt never really talked to him anymore. And when they did talk, it was about kids and responsibilities and Kurt’s voice was constantly on edge.
“I told you, Blaine. Kids are work. Liz is still a toddler. She needs us to take care of her just as much as Emma does.”
And Blaine hated Kurt’s condescending tone, hated that Kurt sounded so on edge. He also hated the look in Kurt’s eyes when he told him he’d have to go back to LA for a few months to do another movie project he’d been offered.
“I’m sorry, honey, but we knew this would happen. I need to work, we’ll be broke in a few months if I don’t. We need to finance our lifestyle somehow.”
Blaine hadn’t been able to decipher the look on Kurt’s face, but after a moment he’d nodded and told him to at least come home some weekends.
And that was that.
Chapter 9: Nine
Blaine has not anticipated how it would feel to go out with Kurt Hummel. They had been friendly these past few weeks, but going out, without the kids, dressed to the nines, feels different. Nerve-wracking.
He feels like a teenager, unsure whether he should hold doors open or compliment Kurt’s impeccable, oh so tight, dark velvet suit, and it makes him blush and stutter.
Kurt doesn’t seem to notice. He also doesn’t seem to have a problem enjoying himself. He acts like it is normal that they go out, together, and Blaine stops breathing when he adjusts Blaine’s (totally in place) tie.
“You look very handsome tonight.”
And apparently, he doesn’t have a problem in the complimenting section either. Blaine breathes in and out and then attempts a more assured smile. “So do you. Though I’m not surprised, you’ve always known how to dress for any event.”
Kurt smiles, clearly pleased, his shoulders shimmying back and forth before he takes his cell phone and keys from the kitchen counter.
“Alright. Remember, bed time is at 9, please try not to do anything inappropriate with the girls.”
The girls giggle and ignore him in favour of colouring on the kitchen table and Santana rolls her eyes at Kurt.
“Please. I’m awesome. Their favourite aunt. We’ll have fun. Go out and enjoy yourself for once, Hummel.”
Her eyes flicker to Blaine once before they’re back and piercing into Kurt’s, who huffs and grins.
“I’ll try. Thanks for stepping in. We’ll be back by 12-ish.”
Both Blaine and Santana turn to Kurt at that. “We? Planning on coming here after the party for a little after-party?””
Blaine wants to hurt Santana because she sounds gleeful but at the same time, he can’t help but be fascinated by how the tips of Kurt’s ears turn red while he glares at the dark-haired woman leaning against the kitchen table.
“You know what I meant. We will leave the show soon enough that I’ll be here around midnight.”
Santana just nods with a raised eyebrow, clearly unconvinced, before she shoos them out of the house.
The show itself is amazing. There’s a red carpet beforehand and they both have to answer a few awkward questions (“Are you here together to announce a reunion?” or, even worse those who ignore the break up altogether “Your husband plays a soldier in Iraq in the early 2000’s in his new movie, are you proud?” to which Kurt had just rolled his eyes and answered “Sure, always.”) and get even more scandalized glances their way, but for his part, Kurt ignores it all; so Blaine follows suit.
They have first row seats, naturally, and Kurt gossips through the whole affair, giving commentary on each dress and generally making it hard for Blaine not to laugh out loud.
It’s fun; Blaine can’t remember the last time he’s had that much fun without alcohol involved.
“Thank you for taking me.”
Kurt hands him a glass of champagne and grins.
“Oh please, we both know you’re doing me a favour here. Coming alone would be embarrassing. So thank you for taking pity on me.”
And now it’s Blaine’s turn to roll his eyes because he doesn’t believe for a second that Kurt would have had difficulty finding a date to bring.
“I’m sure you could have convinced Tom to come with you.”
Kurt just shrugs and takes a sip of his own champagne. “Probably. But it’s not as much fun with someone who doesn’t appreciate the clothes and the drama of it all. Tom’s very.. anti-fashion.”
Blaine laughs at Kurt’s wrinkled nose, like the concept of a gay man not into fashion is too hard for him to grasp.
“Well, I appreciate it. It’s been so much fun; I forgot what a treasure it is to have full Hummel-commentary.” He says and Kurt ducks his head and shrugs again. “You’re welcome. And I’ve had fun too.”
They smile at each other and Blaine’s breath quickens. It’s been so long since Kurt’s smiled at him like that, like they are in their own little world and-
-they aren’t. Because in that moment someone clasps Kurt’s elbow to get his attention and the next few minutes are spend gossiping about the people and the show and the clothes with someone Blaine vaguely recognizes as Charlie Werewolf or Warehouse or something, a fashion columnist for one of the bigger fashion magazines.
He gets them new drinks and Kurt only appears to remember him when Blaine hands him a new glass.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Charlie, you remember my husband Blaine Anderson, right?” Blaine quirks an eyebrow at that, and Kurt must have realized what he’s said too, since his cheeks blush a light rosé, but he doesn’t take it back, instead turning to Blaine. “Charlie Warebound works with Isabelle for the Too Beige magazine. He hopes that I’ll tell him all my darkest secrets about how to butter up to Isabelle.”
Blaine grins and shakes Charlie´s hand, who rolls his eyes at Kurt.
“Oh please. You have so many deep dark secrets, how to deal with Isabelle is the least of it. I wouldn’t mind hearing more about the rumours of you putting out a new fashion line this October though.”
Blaine turns to Kurt in surprise, who just laughs and shakes his head. “I don’t know where you get these rumours from, Charlie, but I will neither confirm nor deny that.”
His smirk speaks volumes though and Charlie just shrugs. “I will have to continue to listen in on Isabelle’s phone calls then. But you should know that it’s atrociously uncomfortable pressing my ear to her door all the time.”
Kurt just laughs again and shakes his head.
“Yeah, just laugh. But don’t think I don’t know that the October issue Isabelle is so tight-lipped about will be featuring you. You’re not as stealthy as you think.”
He wriggles his fingers before leaving, making one last “I’m watching you” gesture before turning to another group of people. Kurt just continues to grin and Blaine can’t help but nudge their shoulder together. “So is it true?”
Kurt shrugs and takes another sip. “Well, all I’ll say is that you should buy that October issue. You might recognize someone on the cover.”
His smile is both smug and cheeky and bashful and Blaine wants to kiss him badly.
“You really are kind of amazing, Kurt Hummel.”
Kurt wrinkles his nose again before sticking it up in the air.
“Why the tone of surprise, Blaine Anderson? You only notice that now?”
He doesn’t sound put off though, so Blaine only beams and shakes his head.
“I still like zigging when people expect me to zag, that’s all.”
And this makes him look up and into Kurt’s eyes, who looks- nervous.
Blaine nudges their shoulders together again.
“Well, I still love the zigging. And the zagging. And I’ll be sure to buy that October issue. I’m so proud of you, Kurt. You’re amazing. You deserve this so much. The play and the fashion line and the kids, you’ve really gotten your life together. I kind of envy that.”
Kurt presses their shoulders back together, but the nervousness is gone, a pleased smile grazing his features instead. “I don’t think there’s any need to envy me, big movie star Anderson. It’s not like your life is in shambles.”
Blaine looks down, because no, his life may not be in shambles, but it’s also not how he’d always pictured it. Because what he’d always pictured when he’d thought about his future was Kurt.
Kurt, who is still pressing their shoulders together, like he knows what Blaine is thinking about, all the decisions about his life that have let him to live in a lonely loft in Manhattan instead of with his family. And the fact that Kurt will still comfort him, still knows him so deeply that he just has to know how much Blaine wishes he could change things, makes him look up again.
Kurt’s smile is still there, albeit a little sadder.
“Come on, Mr Anderson, I will get you another drink. It’s not every day that I have an open bar and a babysitter. I need to get smashed in style.”
They were still pressed together and Blaine could feel Kurt’s heart thumping wildly against his chest. He kissed every sweaty part of Kurt he could reach, stroking his ass and thighs before slipping out carefully and disposing of their condom. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kurt sit up so Blaine quickly dropped the condom onto their bedside table and scrambled back to Kurt’s side. “Nonono, why are you sitting up? Stay here with me.”
Kurt laughed and rolled his eyes. “I feel disgusting. I just want to take a quick shower. I’ll be back in 5 minutes.”
Blaine pouted and stretched out on the bed. “This is the first night since I’ve been back that the girls are with Rachel and we are alone. There’s no need to shower. We should just stay in bed, together, until we’re so disgusting we stick together.”
Kurt hummed and ran a hand through Blaine’s hair, down his chest, carding his fingers through the hair there.
“While that sounds like a wonderful and not-disgusting-at-all plan, I think I’ll take that shower.”
Blaine quickly snatched Kurt’s hand on his chest when Kurt tried to move. “Nooo. Don’t leave me. I missed you so much, you probably missed me-” “A little bit,” Kurt interrupted, and Blaine grinned, “-you missed me a little bit. So the only solution to the whole missing thing is that we get so disgusting we stick together and you have to come with me everywhere I go.”
Kurt’s hand twitched in his. “Or you have to come with me everywhere I go.”
“Yes. Or that. I will have to come everywhere, Rachel will be appalled that she can’t have you to herself and I’ll just stay right on top of you, wherever we are.”
Kurt huffed out a laugh. “That might stand in the way of your whole movie career thing though. I heard they’re not really into people sticking to their leading role’s body.”
“Oh pssh, they won’t mind. You’re handsome and talented; they will give us roles as Siamese twins. We’ll be famous together.”
Kurt grinned and did the fond eye-roll, and Blaine smiled adoringly up at him.
“I’m pretty sure we’d play the incestuous Siamese twins if we were attached by the chest. I think you need to think this plan through. While I’m in the shower. And then afterwards, we’ll work on that plan of yours.”
Blaine clutched Kurt’s hand to his chest. “Promise?”
Kurt rolled his eyes again and leaned down to kiss Blaine once before he extracted his hand from Blaine’s. “Promise.”
While Kurt was in the shower, Blaine listened to the water running and thought about how he wanted to broach the topic of his next project. He thought the whole sticking together thing was probably a good approach. Kurt could stick to him and come to Austria with him. And the girls too. It would be like a fun, year-long vacation.
Blaine knew that their relationship had been slightly strained these last few months while he’d been in LA. Kurt had been absent and detached. But this was different. That’s why this project was a great idea. Kurt and the girls could come with him to Europe, they could be a family, they could work on any remaining issues regarding their relationship and everything would be okay. No, everything would be awesome.
Chapter 10: Nine B
Thanks to Pace for being incredible and reading this over for me!
Rating is up because of explicit content aka sexy times.
“They were all over you. Seriously. It might have been Mikael’s show, but you were the talk of the after-party.”
He’s a giggling mess, leaning into Blaine’s shoulder in the back of the town car.
“Stop. Mikael would kill me if he heard you. It’s not my fault that Isabelle is unable to keep a secret.”
Kurt feels so very drunk, so very good, with Blaine right beside him and a whole evening with grownups, talking about fashion and gossiping and everything else he enjoys.
“Well, I’ll have to protect you from Mikael then. Because you did steal the show. Whether it was intentional or not. Everyone wanted to talk to you, and those you didn’t get the chance to talk to talked about you.”
Kurt hums in reply, pleased with how the evening has turned out. He has talked to so many important people and if he sends out the invitations next week to the fashion show he’s been planning for the past year, he’s pretty sure most of the invited will come to see him.
He grabs Blaine’s hand over the middle seat and Blaine links their fingers together like it’s second nature.
“Thank you for coming with me tonight.” Kurt says, his voice a whisper over the rumbling of the engine, eyes cast down at their entwined hands. Blaine squeezes his hand, making him look up again.
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Even if a little warning would have been nice.”
Kurt laughs, and he can’t remember the last time he’s felt this elated, this young. He looks over at Blaine, who is watching him with soft eyes, hair straining to get out of their gelled down style. His eyes seem to sparkle in the dim light of the car, and Blaine looks so very painfully like the sixteen-year-old Kurt had fallen in love with many years ago.
“Come home with me tonight.”
Blaine doesn’t startle, doesn’t look surprised. He holds Kurt’s gaze, squeezes his hand and nods.
They don’t go at it in the car; in fact, they don’t even kiss. They hold hands, fingers linked and hands neatly folded in Blaine’s lap. Blaine occasionally glances over, as if he’s checking whether Kurt’s changed his mind yet. But Kurt doesn’t change his mind. So he gives him an assuring smile each time their eyes meet and Blaine strokes his hand and wrist, pressing his thumb where his pulse is racing a mile a minute.
When they arrive at the house, Kurt makes Blaine hide behind wall until he gets rid of Santana.
Of course, Santana rambles on and on about her evening and what the girls did and wants to know everything about his evening. “So how did it go with Thumbelina? Did he at least try to feel you up in your insanely tight pants?”
Kurt rolls his eyes and shoves her in direction of the door.
“No, he didn’t. The show was fine, I’m just really exhausted from all the mingling and drinking and the fashion. We can talk tomorrow.”
He throws her jacket into her arms and opens the door. She gives him a weird look and he smiles at her.
“Thanks for watching the girls. Get home safe.”
Santana nods, takes a few steps outside, then puts her head into one of the bushes next to the door.
“What the hell are you doing?” Kurt asks, slightly hysterical, when she starts going through another bush.
“Just looking for the midget. He’s got to be here somewhere if you’re kicking me out without gushing about the clothes first. You’re all keyed up. My Mexican third eye notices everything.”
Kurt attempts to look annoyed while simultaneously trying to think of a way to make her stop looking.
“Oh shut it. I don’t care if you booty-call your husband. Whatever kinky shit works for you.” She looks over the wall separating their house from the neighbour. “Come on, come on now, Blainey Days, you know Auntie Snixx will find you.”
With a sheepish smile, Blaine steps forward from behind the wall on the other side of the house. Santana laughs delightedly while Kurt groans.
“Seriously? You couldn’t even persevere for a few more minutes? I would have gotten rid of her.”
Blaine shrugs and comes over to them, stopping next to Kurt.
“You know she doesn’t give up, ever. So I thought I’d stop her before she goes through the trash.”
Kurt shrugs, too, because Blaine is probably right.
“You happy now, Santana? Is there anything else we can help you with?”
Santana shakes her head, a delighted smile still on her face.
“No, I’m good. You two have fun. Call me tomorrow, Grandma.”
With that, she gives a little sarcastic wave before finally turning to leave.
They stand next to each other and watch until she steps into a cab down the street before turning to look at each other.
“Well, that went well.”
And then their off laughing and Blaine sways forward into Kurt, burying his giggles in Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt moves his left hand to the back of Blaine’s head, holding him there until they’ve calmed down. When he starts carding his hand through the curls where they’re not held down with gel, Blaine finally looks up, his eyes still bright and amused. They stare at each other until Blaine takes his right hand back in his.
“Let’s go inside.”
The mood shifts quickly and Kurt nods, swallowing against the weight of his decision to take Blaine home with him. As soon as they’ve closed the door behind them, Blaine presses him up against it, letting go of his hand to put both of them on his face, angling it down to his and kissing him with a force that leaves Kurt breathless.
There is no hesitation in the kiss, and it’s so very Blaine, just full on Blaine, that Kurt feels helpless with it, clasping Blaine’s elbows and holding on tightly. Blaine’s hands wander from his jaw, stroking his cheeks and then through his hair, tugging at it and pressing himself even closer against Kurt.
Kurt had forgotten what it feels like, to have Blaine like this, his tongue insistent in his mouth, exploring every inch of him, and he moans into the kiss before taking control and turning them around so that Blaine is against the door.
They have to break the kiss and Blaine laughs breathlessly, already looking thoroughly dishevelled.
“Always so bossy,” he murmurs into Kurt’s mouth and Kurt shuts him up, pressing one of his legs between Blaine’s and Blaine groans and presses his groin against his thigh, his hands clutching at Kurt’s back.
“Kurt. Take me to bed already.”
Kurt finally breaks the kiss, taking a step back and grinning when Blaine groans in disappointment. “Come on then.”
He takes his hand between his and tugs him along and Blaine comes willingly, running his free hand up and down Kurt’s arm along the way, past the girls’ rooms and up the stairs.
Once they’re in the bedroom, Kurt kicks the door shut before pushing Blaine down onto the bed. Blaine looks up at him, amusement shining in his eyes. “So, Mr Hummel, what are you plans for me tonight?”
And really, being cheeky shouldn’t be this sexy, so Kurt rolls his eyes and climbs on top of Blaine.
“Well, undressing you, for starters.”
Blaine just nods and lies back, propping himself up on his elbows to watch Kurt.
Kurt starts slow, untying the tie with deft fingers before unbuttoning the first few buttons of the crisp shirt Blaine had worn to the show. He takes his time undressing Blaine, his fingers skimming over every new surface of skin uncovered. Blaine leans into his touch like he already can’t get enough and undressing shouldn’t be this hot, but well, Kurt’s always had a thing for clothes. It’s only when Blaine is finally completely naked, sprawled out on his bed, that Kurt realizes how uncomfortable his pants have become, his cock straining to escape.
He looks up into Blaine’s face, who’s watching him with hooded eyes, panting softly. He looks otherworldly.
“Come on, Kurt. Undress for me.” His voice is rough with arousal.
Kurt nods and scratches his fingers over Blaine’s hairy thighs, making him shiver, before he stands and begins to undress himself.
When they were younger, they had tried their luck with stripping, but it had been mostly unsuccessful and awkward. Which is why Kurt doesn’t even think about pulling out some seductive moves and instead removes his jacket and shirt with a few smooth movements. He’s working on his belt, eyes never leaving Blaine’s face, when Blaine finally cups himself and squeezes his own cock.
“God, I love your fingers. They’re the sexiest things.” Kurt laughs softly and they grin at each other. “Especially when they’re taking your clothes off.”
Kurt just hums, shimmying out of his pants and socks before straddling Blaine again.
“There’s a lot my fingers can do that might be even more satisfactory,” he murmurs against Blaine’s lips before going in to kiss him.
Blaine grins against his mouth, skimming his hands over Kurt’s thighs and ass and moving upwards to his shoulders, pressing into his shoulder blade’s to keep him close. Kurt pushes at Blaine’s shoulder until he lies down completely, stretching himself out over him. Blaine automatically opens his legs to give Kurt better access and Kurt presses himself closer to kiss Blaine again.
They keep kissing and Kurt gets lost in the feeling of Blaine’s tongue on his own, touching his teeth and the roof of his mouth. He can’t remember the last time he was this turned on, but it’s amazing to just kiss, to suck Blaine’s lower lip between his teeth and lick his upper lip and revel in the sounds Blaine makes, like he is completely wrecked by Kurt’s lips.
When Blaine’s hands get more insistent on his back, digging into his muscles, stroking lower and lower on his back, Kurt starts to move his lips lower as well. Blaine’s jaw is already covered in a five-o-clock-shadow and Kurt’s lips tingle when he skims over it, moving to his throat to start sucking and kissing his way downwards. When he gets to the tendon between his shoulder and neck, he bites into it and Blaine groans, throwing one of his legs over Kurt’s and pressing up into him.
Kurt smiles against his skin, oddly proud that he still remembers what turns Blaine on.
As if he could read Kurt’s thoughts, Blaine tugs at Kurt’s hair to make him look up.
“Everything you do turns me on.”
Kurt rolls his eyes at the line but can’t help his smug smile and Blaine laughs fondly, tugging a little more insistently on his hair.
Kurt gets the message and presses his hips down against Blaine’s, making them both moan at the contact of their cocks sliding together.
“What do you want?”
Blaine’s response is immediate. “You.” Kurt wants to roll his eyes again but Blaine pulls a few strands of his hair again in reprimand and continues, “I want you, inside of me. I want you to fuck me, just like this, with you above me.”
His eyes are intent on Kurt’s face, like he expects Kurt to reject him.
Before Kurt can say anything his cock answers for him, twitching at the image. They both laugh and Kurt finally does roll his eyes, leaning back down to kiss Blaine once before rolling over to his bedside table to get out the lube and condoms. He throws them onto the pillow next to Blaine’s face and settles back on top of Blaine, his legs between Blaine’s legs. With a new goal in mind, he begins to kiss and lick his way down Blaine’s body, taking his time to suck his nipples into his mouth, making Blaine buck up into him.
When Kurt finally reaches his destination, he lets out a content hum, nuzzling Blaine’s belly and skimming his fingers over his V shape. He looks up when Blaine huffs out a laugh, raising an eyebrow in question. Blaine just grins and shakes his head. “I just love how pleased with yourself you always are when you can get down to business.”
Kurt shrugs and settles more comfortably on his elbows, gripping Blaine’s cock and squeezing, loving how flushed it is, twitching in his hands. “There’s a lot to be pleased about down here.”
Blaine chokes on his laugh when Kurt starts stroking him in swift movements, smearing the pre-come along his length to get a smoother glide of his hands. He considers using his mouth on Blaine, but then he would have to get a condom and he really doesn’t want to leave now. So instead he sucks on Blaine’s thighs which are spread open to accommodate Kurt and Blaine moans out something intelligible, the muscles in his thighs moving under Kurt’s lips.
With his free hand, he strokes over the sensitive skin connecting Blaine’s balls before gripping them tightly, his thumb already stroking downwards. He’s anxious all of a sudden, anxious to be inside Blaine already, one of his hands still stroking his dick while the other moves down and down until he can press his thumb over his hole, watching in fascination how it clenches and unclenches under his fingers. There are fingers pressing into his skull before they tug on his hair again and he looks up at Blaine who is holding the lube in his free hand.
“No teasing, Kurt.” And he probably wants to sound admonishing but he only sounds desperate and turned on and Kurt feels his blood pulse through his dick as he follows the vein on the underside of Blaine’s cock with his forefinger.
“No teasing,” he answers and accepts the lube, uncapping it clumsily with one hand before regretfully loosening his hold on Blaine’s cock to spread some lube on his fingers. He strokes over his hole a couple of times, watching Blaine squirm impatiently before he slides one of his fingers inside, just the tip of it, curling it inside before moving deeper, listening to the sounds Blaine makes.
Kurt has never gotten used to how responsive Blaine is, how shameless he is in his own pleasure, writhing underneath Kurt’s fingers and grinding down, asking for more. He can’t help but be grateful that the girls’ rooms are downstairs, that they can be this unrestrained without fearing that the girls might hear them. So he doesn’t hesitate to add a second finger, watching it disappear inside of Blaine, enjoying how soft and hot he is inside, stroking against his walls and watching Blaine pant underneath him.
He settles more comfortably between his legs, resuming to sucking on his thighs and fucking Blaine with two and then three fingers, scissoring them inside of him, watching Blaine fall apart.
Blaine bends his knees to gain more leverage to fuck himself down on Kurt’s fingers and Kurt grinds his cock against the covers, unable to keep his groan inside, just watching Blaine take it so beautifully.
“God, look at you,” he gasps out and Blaine looks down at him, his eyes dark with arousal and mouth hanging open, beckoning him closer with one hand while the other is still fisted in the covers.
Kurt licks his way up his body, careful to keep a steady pace with his fingers, but the angle is more awkward once he is face to face with Blaine. Blaine clenches around the fingers curling inside of him and grabs Kurt’s head to smash their faces together in a heated kiss.
When they separate, Blaine looks desperate. “I’m ready, I’m ready, fuck me already, Kurt, please.”
Kurt’s cock twitches against Blaine’s thigh; Blaine knows what begging does to him.
He moves his fingers out of Blaine in one firm stroke to grab a condom but his hands are shaking with his arousal so Blaine grabs and opens it, bending over to put it on Kurt in one smooth movement.
Kurt moans the second Blaine’s hands are on his cock, slathering it with lube and giving it one or two more strokes than necessary.
Then he’s back on his back, gripping Kurt’s biceps. “Ready, steady, go?” He asks in a hopeful voice and Kurt snorts, burying his face in Blaine’s neck before kissing the spot there and looking back up.
“Ready, steady, go,” he confirms, still grinning, before he grips Blaine’s legs and hoists them over his shoulder, lining himself up and pushing inside of Blaine in one torturously slow glide.
As soon as he’s buried inside of Blaine all the way, he falls into his body, both of them panting loudly.
Kurt had forgotten how overwhelming it feels to be in somebody, to be let inside Blaine’s body, accepted in his tight heat. He moves out a bit only to slam back inside, repeating the movement until he can feel Blaine relax around him, unclenching and clenching in time with Kurt’s strokes.
He feels like he’s eighteen again, unable to stop himself from fucking into Blaine, harder and faster, dazed in his arousal; Blaine’s hands on his ass and his shoulder blades, pulling him closer and closer until Kurt feels like they are one only intensifies that feeling.
He buries his head in Blaine’s neck again, sucking and licking and biting his throat and fucking into him with abandon, but Blaine doesn’t complain, just hangs on, keening and moaning with every time Kurt slides in and out of him. Kurt wants to ask whether he’s being too rough, whether it’s too much, but he knows Blaine’s body, knows it as intimately as his own. Blaine is welcoming him in, taking whatever Kurt wants to give him and Kurt wants to cry with the sensation of being so intimate again.
He closes his eyes and moves one of his hands down between them, gripping Blaine’s leaking cock in his hand to start stroking it in synchrony with his fucking. Blaine throws his head back, panting at the ceiling. “Kurt, Kurt, oh god, you’re-“
Kurt is surprised when Blaine comes, suddenly, all over his hand and their stomachs, clenching hard around Kurt’s dick and shaking all over. He goes slack underneath him, so Kurt just grips his legs tighter, fucking him through it for another minute before Blaine grabs his face to pull him down for a messy kiss and he feels the tightening in his stomach and balls and dick before he comes with a moan vibrating in Blaine’s mouth, burying himself inside Blaine and not moving out again.
They stay like that for another minute and Kurt can’t stop shaking, feeling overcome both with emotion and by his orgasm, so he just keeps kissing Blaine, hoping to get his bearings back.
Blaine’s lips become softer and softer on his though, before his hands are in his hair again, pushing his face away to kiss his chin and cheek and eyebrows and nose in a moment that feels far too tender for how they’d just fucked.
Kurt decides to finally slide out, sure that Blaine’s already sensitive, but Blaine doesn’t even flinch when he moves out of him, just keeps holding his head, carding his fingers through his hair and kissing his face.
Kurt pulls back a little and Blaine makes a disappointed mewl that shouldn’t be as adorable as it is, so Kurt just smiles down at him before he takes off the condom and gets a few tissues from the bedside table. Blaine just watches him with sleepy eyes, letting Kurt clean them up before wrapping the used condom inside the tissue.
And then Kurt slides down onto the covers again, settling into Blaine’s side and kissing his biceps before snuggling into him.
“Come on, under the covers.” He nudges Blaine until he acquiesces, can’t help his fond smile at Blaine’s drowsy snuffling and groaning before they’re under the covers on their sides, Kurt spooning Blaine with his arm around his waist.
He kisses Blaine’s shoulder blade and breathes him in, all sex and sweat and Blaine, before closing his eyes and surrendering to sleep.
As Blaine sat cross-legged on their bed, head in his hands, he still couldn’t understand what exactly had just happened.
Kurt had come out of the bathroom looking adorable with his hair falling in his face, his skin flushed thanks to the hot water and their earlier activities. He’d been all smiles and sleepy cuddly, settling into Blaine’s side.
And then Blaine had told him about his grand Europe plans and Kurt’s face had become more and more closed off until Blaine couldn’t read him at all.
“And have you already confirmed that you’ll go?” Kurt had finally asked and Blaine immediately knew that the truth was not what Kurt wanted to hear from him. But they’d never lied to each other and he wouldn’t start now.
“Yes.” He watched as Kurt nodded and sat up on the bed, going to stand and slip on his pyjamas and slippers. “But nothing’s set in stone. I wanted to talk to you first, Kurt.”
Kurt snorted and finally turned to look at him where he sat helplessly on the bed.
“You have already decided to go. You have already talked to your agent and the producers and god knows who about it before you came to me, to your husband, to discuss this. And you expect me, you expect us, to just tag along? I just- I can’t believe it. I can’t-“, he looked around the bedroom, a caged look in his eyes that actually frightened Blaine. Finally, Kurt looked back to him and regarded him carefully, tears gathering in his eyes.
“I can’t do this right now. I can’t do this anymore. I just, I need to go.”
And with that he’d left the room, leaving Blaine to ponder what exactly had gone wrong. He would have to go look for Kurt in a minute, to discuss this like adults, but for now, Blaine could only sit there, feeling dread like a stone in his stomach, waiting for the courage to come so that he’d finally stand and find his husband.
Chapter 11: Ten
My posting-schedule is still a mess, I'm sorry. I was too busy out on an Easter hunt yesterday to update. ;)
As always, thank you for reading and commenting!
Blaine puts his key in the lock and opens the door to this house he feels so familiar with, the only house that ever truly felt like home.
He hears Emma crying and Liz screaming and Kurt trying to make himself heard over their combined high-pitched screams and smiles to himself. Because this is his family. And he gets to be a part of it. And it’s glorious. But they also sound like hyenas so Blaine picks up speed and walks into the kitchen where Emma is in Kurt’s arms, sobbing into his cravat while Liz stands before them, arms crossed and looking petulant.
“Good morning. What’s going on here?”
They all look up at him, not having heard him over the commotion, and the look of relief on Kurt’s face makes Blaine’s heart thump extra hard in his chest. They share a smile before Emma disentangles herself from Kurt to run to Blaine and cry into his shirt instead. He picks her up and Kurt stands from his kneeling position, straightening his pants as he stands.
“Liz decided it would be fun to play hairdresser with Emma. And apparently, Emma needed a radical change in her looks.” Kurt explains, glancing down at Liz who by now looks like she might be close to tears as well. It’s only now that Blaine notices the strands of hair in Liz’ curled fist.
He winces and strokes Emma’s hair and back to sooth her.
“I’m sure it’s not that bad but Em’s been too hysterical to let me have a look at it.” The frustration in Kurt’s voice is palpable and Blaine winces again, sure they’ve been at it for a while now.
“Okay. So how about I go to the upstairs bathroom with Emma and we’ll have a look at all of Dad’s fancy products. And Dad can extricate the hair from Liz because it looks scary.” Emma sobs louder at that and Kurt shoots Blaine an exasperated look. Blaine scrunches his nose and shrugs. “And then he can come upstairs and have a look at your hair and give you a fancy new haircut. Alright?”
They all agree and Blaine moves past Kurt who inconspicuously strokes his back on his way out. Blaine grins to himself all the way to the bathroom.
It’s much later after Liz apologized to Emma (and Blaine will never fail to be amazed at how Kurt manages to rein this girl in. She is so much Rachel’s daughter) and Kurt gave Emma an amazing new haircut that reminds him of all the Meg Ryan movies he used to watch with Kurt when they were younger and after Emma stopped crying when Blaine tells her that Meg Ryan was his first girl-crush that Blaine lies on Kurt’s bed, exhausted and sweaty and astonished that he managed to get through this day.
Kurt is next to him, lightly stroking his naked arm up and down. And maybe that is why.
“Already having second thoughts about getting into this family business?” Kurt’s voice is light and teasing but he is much too tense for someone who has just had an orgasm. Blaine rolls onto his side to face Kurt properly, kissing him squarely on the lips before answering.
“No way. Look at all the fancy stuff I learned today: Never let your kid alone with scissors. Never tell a girl her new haircut makes her look ‘tough’.” They both wince at the memory of Emma’s screams. “Never underestimate how handy it can be to know how to give a haircut. You were kind of awesome today. You have no idea how much I wanted to kiss you down in the kitchen.”
Kurt smiles, pleased, and moves his hand to play with the curls that have finally given up and escaped the gel.
“And besides, this is my family. It’s not like I’m trying to marry into someone else’s mess. This is our mess.”
Kurt grins and kisses his nose in reply. “Today was kind of a mess. Thank you for being there.”
Blaine bites his lip and shrugs. “Please don’t thank me for being there for my family. You should know that I always want to be here.”
Blaine has no idea what the look on Kurt’s face means, and before he can decipher it, Kurt scoots up and leans onto his elbow to look down at Blaine, one of his hands still massaging his scalp. It feels obscenely good.
“So, we should talk.”
Blaine grins up at Kurt. “That sounds ominous. Should I get dressed?”
Kurt’s eyes roam over his naked body and Blaine’s grin threatens to overtake his whole face.
“No, this is good. Nakedness can only help,” he answers, settling back against his pillows like he’s about to watch a show. Blaine laughs under his breath before he too sits up, settling into a cross-legged position. He watches Kurt expectantly who rolls his eyes in reply.
“Okay. So, we didn’t get to really talk the last time you were in my bed-“
“Because you kicked me out,” Blaine can’t help but interrupt, “you kicked me out of bed and out of the house before I was even properly awake.”
Kurt raises an eyebrow at the interruption. “And you sound gleeful about that. But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry about that. I just didn’t think it would be a good idea for the girls to see you. They wouldn’t understand why you would stay over, naked, in my bed, but not live here.”
Blaine wants to ask why he can’t just move back in and make it easier for the girls, because he doesn’t understand either. But he knows it’s not that easy. So he just nods.
“That doesn’t mean that I regret it happening. Which you hopefully know.” Kurt continues and Blaine smiles at him, taking one of his hands in his and stroking between his fingers.
They smile at each other until Kurt shakes his head to clear it, a blush spreading over his cheeks.
“We should still talk. About what we’re doing here. Because even though it’s not something we should talk to the girls about yet, talking to each other might be a good idea?”
He sounds unsure, but Blaine can’t help the way his heart lifts at the “yet” in Kurt’s sentence. He really hopes this is something they will tell the girls about. Soon.
“Okay. That sounds reasonable. Um. I’m not sure what we should talk about? Is there anything specific you would like to discuss?”
Kurt smiles at him, that fond smile he hasn’t directed at him for so long.
“Always so accommodating. And yes, as a matter of fact, I have a list.”
“An actual list or one in your head?” Blaine cuts in, teasing, but Kurt just shakes his head, unwilling to be interrupted.
“We fell into bed while we were drunk, so I guess my first question would be if that was something that happened as a spur of the moment kind of thing or if-“ he trails off, hesitant, and Blaine squeezes his hand. “Or if it was something I thought about doing every day, whenever I saw you, and sometimes even when I didn’t get to see you?”
Kurt looks at him, a small smile spreading across his lips, and nods.
“Obviously, it’s the latter. I always want you, Kurt. You could sit in a nest made of snakes and tell me to come blow you and I would jump right to it.”
Kurt giggles and rolls his eyes, but Blaine can tell he is pleased so he squeezes his hand again.
“We can talk all about the circumstances in which this happened, but I guess the only important issue is what it meant to us. And what we want it to mean in the future. And I don’t know about you, but for me, it meant everything. I always want you. I always love you. And I want to be with you. In any way you want me.”
Kurt’s face falls and Blaine feels his heart shrink back to the size of a pea. Before he can extract his hand from Kurt’s though, Kurt grabs his wrist, moving his hand to his face to kiss the back of it.
“No, no,no,no, don’t give me the puppy look. I just- it’s nothing bad. Please stay here. We said we would talk so you need to give me a chance to say what I want to say, okay?”
Blaine’s throat still feels constricted, so he just nods and looks down at their hands which are still entwined.
“I love that you are this forward. I love that you never hesitate to let me know what you’re feeling. You just jump right into it. And I really do love that.” He says it slowly, carefully, and Blaine can’t help but look up. Kurt smiles at him. “I just- I can’t be this person. I never was, and now, with the girls, I’m even less of a risk-taker. I just need to know what I’m getting myself, us, into, before I take that jump. We burnt ourselves badly the last time and I can’t have a repeat of that. Especially with the girls to factor into this.”
“I love you,” Blaine repeats, because he’s not sure what else to say to convince Kurt that the two of them, they’re the only option for him. Kurt squeezes his hand.
“Honey, love was never our problem. If love was all it takes to make a perfect marriage, we would be the most iconic couple there ever was. Our marriage didn’t fail because we didn’t love each other.”
The problem is, even with all the fights, the break-up and the years of separation, Blaine is still not sure why they failed. There have been so many things in his life he has never been sure about, but loving Kurt, it’s never been one of them. At times it felt like it was the only thing he knew how to do. Until he didn’t.
“So what do you want us to do?” Blaine asks, and he can’t bring himself to look at Kurt while he speaks, so he looks down at their hands instead. Kurt strokes his thumb over Blaine’s wrist and though he still can’t look Kurt in the eye, it does help. It makes him feel like not knowing what to do isn’t the worst thing to happen. Because Kurt is still here. And Kurt will know what to do.
“I wish there was some magic fix to this, but there isn’t. I think if we want to make this work, we need to figure out how to avoid making the same mistakes again. So we should probably talk about what went wrong the last time and what we would do differently now?”
And he can do that, he can talk to Kurt and he can listen to Kurt and he can try to understand why he failed at being a good husband. And he’ll be better this time around.
“So we’ll talk.”
Kurt tugs at his hand until Blaine gets the message and untangles his legs to scoot into Kurt’s arms.
“We’ll talk. And we’ll have awesome sex. And I promise I will let you know if I’m unhappy. And you have to promise me to talk to me about whatever happens in your life. And we’ll make it work,” Kurt murmurs into his hair, kissing the top of it. Blaine snuggles closer, comforted by the conviction in Kurt’s voice and his familiar smell. He closes his eyes and smiles. They don’t have everything figured out, he knows, and they will have to talk more. But for now, they’re together. And if it is up to Blaine, they will stay that way.
“So you’re saying you won’t come with me?”
Kurt shook his head, like he couldn’t believe Blaine had the audacity to even ask.
“No. I’m saying that if you leave, you don’t need to come back here. I’m saying you need to understand that you can’t just expect us to tag along at your whim. I’m not your little housewife who will follow you wherever you go.”
Blaine peeled at the label of his water bottle, rolling his eyes.
“I don’t think of you as my housewife, Kurt.”
Kurt sneered loudly, organizing their condiments on the kitchen counter with harsh movements.
“Really? Because if I remember correctly, you were just telling me I should be happy to uproot my life to come with you to another continent-”
“It’s an amazing chance,” Blaine cut in, “and it’s not like you would give up a job here.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, Blaine wanted to take them back. Kurt abruptly stopped his hand movements and looked up at Blaine like he’d never seen him before.
“No,” he replied slowly, “I wouldn’t have to give up a job. You’re the one with the amazing job and if I’m not contributing to this family financially, clearly I should at least do my part and come with you wherever you think is most convenient, right?”
His voice was dangerously low and Blaine looked down at his bottle, surprised that the label was almost completely peeled off.
“No, Kurt, I didn’t mean that. I-“
“Oh, but you did. You did. And you know what? Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should tag along and play the little househusband in this scenario. But I don’t want to. That’s not me. So here’s what I’ll do instead.”
Kurt moved across the kitchen in sure strikes, until he reached the phone hanging at the wall next to the fridge. Blaine wasn’t sure why he was suddenly so afraid, why Kurt seemed so tall and intimidating.
With the phone in hand, Kurt turned back to Blaine.
“I’m going to call Rachel now. And then I will pack a bag with some stuff and I’ll stay at her place until you leave for your little European trip. And then I will find a job. And maybe a life that doesn’t make me want to throttle myself. And when you come back, you will find a new place for yourself. Because this, this isn’t working anymore.”
And then he was gone.
Chapter 12: Eleven
I just realized that while I made a big announcement and said sorry for about a billion times that my life and my writing (schedule) sucks, I haven't said anything on here.
So. I'm a little bit back.
I have finally managed to squeeze in some writing time in my busy, busy, oh so overwhelming life.
You can find the result here. :)
I hope to get the last chapter written this weekend, but since I suck at keeping promises, I'd better not make any. ;)
Hope you've stuck around and enjoy this chapter.
As always, thank you so much for reading.
Santana knowing turns out to be a blessing. While Kurt wants to curse her nosiness and kick her in the shins for every innuendo she makes in the coming week, he is begrudgingly grateful for the ways in which she helps them by watching the girls. If he’d had to choose one of their friends knowing about this thing, he would have picked Santana anyway.
“You do realize that someone’s gonna pick up on your weirdness soon, right?” Santana raises a perfectly tweezed eyebrow at him and Kurt shrugs, buttering another sandwich for his midnight picnic with Blaine.
“Why would they? We are surrounded by self-absorbed people, I really doubt they will pause talking and thinking about themselves long enough to notice anything.”
Santana snorts and takes another sip of her sangria. “You give them too little credit. I mean, Rachel is as obtuse as it gets, but what about your girls? Are you telling me they’re self-absorbed? That they won’t notice you and Blaine sneaking around, or him giving you these love-sick little glances? They might be young, but they’re not stupid.” She says, pointing at him for emphasis. Kurt rolls his eyes at her. “Did you learn about communicating from Blaine’s brother? It’s rude to point. And also: of course they are self-absorbed; who wasn’t at that age? Plus, they’re Blaine’s and my kids, what did you expect? And even if they weren’t, I don’t think they think much about the sex lives of their fathers.”
Santana grins in reply, nodding her agreement. “Still, sooner or later, someone will catch up and notice. Subtleness has never been your strength. And why would you even hide the fact that you’re boning your husband? It’s not exactly scandalous.”
“I thought you didn’t care?” Kurt replies and puts another layer of camembert onto the sandwich, spreading cranberry jam across the cheese. Santana snatches one of the camembert slices from his plate and if he cared more he would slap her hand away but, well, it’s Santana.
“I don’t. I care that I’m the only one you ask to babysit your girls when you go on your clandestine rendezvous’. If you would just tell the rest of our friends, they could jump in and I’d have someone to commiserate with when you’re being especially nauseating.”
Kurt smashes the slices of bread together, surveying his creation before putting it into the lunchbox. He wipes his hands on a dishtowel and takes a sip of his own sangria before answering her. “Please. You love having something to hold over my hand. You enjoy watching us squirm while you make innuendos when Sam and Rachel are over.”
Santana grins clinks her glass against his. “Can’t deny that. It is pretty fun to see you fidget and Blaine break out in a sweat. It’s only fair that I get something out of your torrid affair.”
Kurt rolls his eyes again but he can’t help the smile tugging at his lips. “We are grateful for what you’re doing, Santana. Just so you know.”
Santana groans, finishing off her sangria. “Please don’t get all weepy and maudlin on me now. You know I’m only in it for the scandal.”
Kurt pats her hand across the kitchen counter, grinning openly. “Sure, Santana, sure,” he says, not even caring that his voice sounds condescending. Santana snatches her hand away and glares at him. “Careful, Hummel, or I might let something slip the next time Rachel forces me to have a cocktail night with her.”
Kurt raises his hands in surrender, still grinning. “I just said we’re grateful.” He closes the lid of the lunchbox and puts it into the picnic basket sitting on the counter.
“Seriously though, why don’t you want people to know about the two of you?” Santana changes the topic, pouring herself another glass. Kurt shrugs, sitting down on one of the barstools now that he’s satisfied that he’s got everything packed for their midnight date.
“It’s not really about the other people. I just don’t want to get the girls’ hope up in case it doesn’t work out with us as a couple. And if the rest of our friends knew, they would totally blab sooner or later. It’s just easier this way.” He pours himself another glass as well, watching the fruit splash into his glass. He can still feel Santana’s judging stare.
“Let me guess: that was your idea while the hobbit wanted to shout it from the rooftops?” She asks and Kurt looks up to glare at her.
“Don’t call him that. And so what if I’m being careful? There’s a lot at stake. Can you even imagine how crushed the girls would be if it didn’t work out and Blaine left to do another movie in whatever country far away?”
Santana snorts, unimpressed with his glare. “Oh please. Don’t you mean how crushed you would be?”
“I liked it better when you didn’t care. And don’t go all Dr Phil on me. Yes, I would be equally crushed, I’m well aware. But at least I would only have to deal with my own heartbreak if it comes to that.”
Kurt gets another condescending glare and he half-expects Santana to tell him to stop being so overdramatic, but she just shrugs. “So it’s about you not trusting him.” He bristles at her tone and the accusation. “It’s about doing the adult thing. It’s about protecting my children, taking it slow. It’s about making sure we both don’t make a mess of things.”
Santana sucks on one of the strawberries in her sangria, making a face at the concentrated taste of alcohol in it. “Well, you can never be sure that you won’t screw up in the future. Hell, it’s nearly inevitable that you will screw up at some point. It’s about trusting yourself and him that you will work through it the next time you do.”
Kurt wants to retort that he does trust Blaine, that it’s not about a lack of trust, but the words get stuck in his throat before he can get them out. Santana watches him, smiling knowingly.
“It’s fine. Trust takes time, I’m not judging. For once. And I’m sure you’ll get there, once you realize that Blaine would do just about anything for you if it meant that you would take him back, like the pathetic little puppy he is. And until then, you have Auntie Santana to take care of your girls while you sex him up real nice.”
They are having their Monday potluck dinner, which seems to get more crowded with each passing year. Not that Kurt would ever complain about that; for one, it means that he has managed to maintain an awesome circle of friends. For another, it means that they are all squeezed around Artie’s dinner table and Blaine’s thigh is pressed up against his, and Kurt’s also pretty sure that Blaine’s trying to play footsie with him. He kicks him in the shin with his heel because Blaine will not rumple his pants with his dirty street shoes. Blaine makes a face at him and Kurt smiles innocently back, rubbing his thigh under the table in apology. When he finally looks away from his husband, he sees Sam wink at him across the table. Wink at him. Which would be conspicuous enough but then Sam goes and tops that. “So, I was thinking of taking the girls for the weekend? Like, they could come over to my place and we could do something fun, all weekend, together, at my place. So that you have a free weekend, Kurt. For- relaxing and stuff. What do you think?”
Kurt freezes up and stares at Sam while the girls cheer, thrilled at the prospect of spending a weekend playing weird video games with their uncle Sam. He hears Santana snort into her wine glass to his right and turns to glare at her, but then he notices Blaine making a face at Sam so Kurt decides to glare at Blaine instead.
To make things worse, Artie decides to chime in. “Well, that does sound like fun. I was just about to offer to take the girls to my movie set one of these days, for a whole day. But your idea sounds even better, Sam.”
Kurt turns his glare up a nudge and takes a sip of his wine to buy some time before he says something unsuitable in front of his daughters.
“Thank you for your gracious offer, guys.” He finally decides to say, and his voice sounds sugary sweet even to his own ears. Sam, Artie and Blaine all wince and Kurt smiles, vindicated that he can still make them squirm. “I think we’re good, though. When I want to relax I can just ask Blaine to take the girls away, can’t I?”
Liz groans while Emma just looks at him with her big brown eyes. “But we want to go to Sam. And to uncle Artie’s movie. That’s more fun than what daddy would do with us.”
“Oi, careful there, honey. Don’t we have fun, too?” Blaine looks genuinely distraught at the thought of being boring and Kurt grins into his wine glass.
“Sure. But you’re our dad. You wouldn’t let us do the stuff Sam and Artie let us do,” Liz replies and Kurt presses his thigh harder against Blaine’s. To Kurt, their words are like everything he could have ever hoped for. They mean that their daughters finally see Blaine as a dad, not as the guy who sometimes visits and does fun stuff with them. Blaine squeezes Kurt’s leg hard underneath the table and Kurt dares to look at him. Blaine’s expression is dumbstruck and happy and Kurt smiles softly at him, glad that he gets it, too.
“Well, we can talk about you doing something with Sam or Artie later. Now, I will get some more wine,” he announces to the table before pressing his leg one last time against Blaine’s in emphasis and standing from the table.
A minute later, he hears Blaine enter Artie’s kitchen and turns to him, bottle of wine in hand.
“Oh, you really wanted to get more wine?”
Kurt rolls his eyes fondly. “No, but it would look slightly conspicuous if I got back without any, don’t you think?”
Blaine rubs the nape of his neck and scrunches his nose. “Right. Good thinking.” He looks at his shoes and then back up at Kurt. “So, what’s up?”
Kurt raises an eyebrow at Blaine and puts the bottle back onto the kitchen counter, wiping his fingers against his pants to get rid of the condensation sticking his fingers. “Well, why don’t you tell me? Why are the guys trying to kidnap our daughters?”
Blaine bites his lower lip, pushing his hands into his pant pockets. “I’d hoped you hadn’t noticed that. Um,” he looks around the dark kitchen before looking back at Kurt. “Look, I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to tell them, it just kind of happened. But I promise they won’t tell anyone.”
Kurt fights the urge to roll his eyes again and crosses his arms across his chest instead. “It just kind of happened? How? I mean, how difficult can it be not to tell? I haven’t told Rachel!”
He hopes he doesn’t sound too upset because he doesn’t want to fight with Blaine, but on the other hand, he’s worried. There are at least three people in the next room who now know about them. And that’s if Sam hasn’t told Mercedes and Artie hasn’t told Kitty and god forbid what would happen if Santana told Britt. Kurt rubs his forehead, the thought of it already causing him a headache.
Blaine sighs and steps closer to Kurt. “Please don’t be upset. I just- I just needed to tell someone. Because I’m so happy. You make me happy. And the guys and I were playing video games and they were asking about our situation and how it’s going and Artie said something along the lines of “well at least we don’t have to worry about you abandoning us in the middle of the game for a booty call like back in college” and it just- slipped out. I’m sorry.”
Blaine circles his arms around Kurt’s waist, pressing himself against him even though Kurt is still standing with his arms crossed. Kurt hesitates for a second before huffing out a soft laugh, uncrossing his arms and hugging Blaine back. They stand in the quiet for a moment and Blaine tugs his head into Kurt’s neck and Kurt aches with how much he loves this man. Finally, he decides to break the silence.
“Video games? Really?”
Blaine laughs against his throat, kissing him there before moving back a little, his arms still loosely circling Kurt’s waist. “It’s fun. It’s just something we like to do now and then to unwind.”
Kurt watches him for a moment and Blaine laughs again, too used to Kurt’s judging look to take him seriously.
“Are you secretly still in college, Blaine? Because that sounds more like something 19-year-old frat boys would do.”
Blaine grins and darts forward to kiss him. “If I remember correctly, you, my dear, are quite fond of frat boys.”
Kurt shrugs and finally lets himself grin, too. “That might be true. That might actually be a topic we could revisit later in a more private setting.”
Blaine smiles into the next kiss, sucking his upper lip into his mouth, his hands squeezing Kurt’s waist and- then they are interrupted by someone clearing their throat. They both freeze up before jumping apart and looking at the door, where Kitty is standing with her hands on her hips.
“Really, guys? This is a family home. Keep it to your bedroom.”
She moves across the room to them, snatching the wine bottle and leaving again. Blaine grimaces at Kurt’s sour expression. “I’ll tell Artie not to tell other people,” he promises and Kurt just nods before ushering Blaine out of the kitchen.
“So you’re telling me he won’t even see me before I leave?” Rachel just shrugged, looking apologetic. “Sorry. He’s not ready to see you. But he did tell me to remind you to take you phone charger with you.”
Blaine sighed, combing his fingers through his curls. “And that’s supposed to make me feel better how exactly?” Rachel shrugged again and took a sip of her herbal tea and Blaine wanted to throttle her, just a little bit. “It shows that he still cares?”
Blaine rolled his eyes and pulled the charger out of the socket. “Yes. He cares so much about my phone. He doesn’t care that we haven’t made up and I’m leaving for a couple of months. What is he thinking?!”
Blaine didn’t want to discuss this with Rachel, especially since she was infuriatingly calm. She had been calm and collected and so very fake ever since she’d driven over the girls to their home to let them say goodbye. Blaine wrapped the cable around the charger in abrupt movements, still silently fuming. He only looked up when he noticed that Rachel hadn’t responded yet. She was watching him with sad eyes. “Blaine. He’s not- I don’t think Kurt wants to make up. I think he’s done.”
Blaine shook his head, smashing the charger into his carrier bag. “No. He wouldn’t- he wouldn’t leave it like this. He wouldn’t leave me like this. Rachel, you know him, he’s just angry. It was a fight. We’ll make up.”
Again, Rachel didn’t respond and Blaine looked up at her from his bag, his heart crumpling at her teary expression. “He can’t be done. Rachel.”
Rachel stood up and moved around the table to hug him and Blaine felt all the anger leave his body. He slumped against her tiny frame, a lump in his throat making it difficult for him to speak. “Is he really leaving me, just like that?” He asked against her hair, blinking his eyes rapidly to keep the tears threatening to spill inside.
Rachel rubbed his shoulder before stepping back again. “Honey. You’re the one that’s leaving.”
Blaine shook his head at her, disbelieving. Rachel just shrugged again before squaring her shoulders. “You go pack your last stuff and say a proper goodbye to the girls. I will wait outside in the car. Have a good movie, Blaine Warbler.” She smiled and kissed his cheek before leaving the kitchen.
Blaine held his breath until he heard the front door close, and then let it out in one big gust of breath.
This was it.
Chapter 13: Twelve
Previously, on I'm Not There:
The author had no time to write, but Kurt and Blaine certainly got busy. Busy screwing each other. In secret. But everyone knows. Even Kitty.
Kurt's opening night of the musical he's starring in is getting closer, he's also a fashion designer who has a new line coming soon. Kind of like superman. Musical actor by day, fashion designer by night. Screwing his husband in secret. Isn't that what Superman does? It's all really scandalous.
Blaine's just doing moony-eyed loving and watching the kids.
Santana is judging all of them.
And that's what you missed on the Story-that-never-updates.
Hey, remember me?? Remember this story I wrote? Why yes, I've tried to finally, FINALLY, wrap it up. Unfortunately, I vomited some 6000 words onto paper instead. So, while this was supposed to be the final chapter, it's the penultimate. It's actually not even that, since I'll probably split the actual final chapter into two parts.
But the good news is that it's written. I have to clean it up a bit before I'll publish it, but it's done and will be available on your screens in the coming days. So yay.
I hope you're still interested and thank you so much for sticking with me. :)
As always, thanks for reading!
Blaine fidgets with his drink where he's sitting across from Kurt at a Starbucks, having ordered him there as soon as he got the call.
He wishes he could just get it over with but the words seem to be stuck in his throat. He wishes he wasn't afraid. He wishes he had an inkling of what Kurt's reaction will be.
Kurt finally loses his patience and takes the coffee out of Blaine's hands, setting it aside and offering his own hand to hold over the table instead. Blaine clutches at it instantly with both his hands.
“You're kind of freaking me out here, Blaine. You tell me to meet you right away and then you remain silent for a full,” he checks his watch, twisting his wrist without letting go of Blaine, “three minutes. Three minutes is a long time to say nothing. So what's up?”
Blaine smiles ruefully and craves to fiddle with his napkin or something. Instead, he fiddles with Kurt's fingers. Kurt raises an eyebrow at him. He looks kind of harried, having rushed here after his rehearsal and Blaine feels bad for making him wonder what's up with Blaine.
“Courage, Blaine,” Kurt teases and Blaine huffs out a laugh and nods, squeezing Kurt's hand one last time before leaning back in his chair.
“You're right, I'm sorry. There's some news, that I just got, and we've talked about getting better at communicating so I wanted to tell you right away but then I thought that maybe I should have told you even sooner, before anything was set but I didn't want to get my hopes up or your hopes up so I wasn't sure.” He takes a breath. Kurt watches him patiently and his open expression gives Blaine the courage to continue.
“I have been offered a part. My agent called just before I asked you to meet me here. Nothing's set in stone yet; I told him I would have to discuss it with you first so I don't want you to think it's history repeating itself, okay?”
Blaine leans forward, elbows on the table and Kurt rolls his eyes, though he does look a little wary. “I haven't said anything yet, have I? Just tell me what part and for how long you'll be gone.”
He sounds a little resigned but not especially unhappy and Blaine gives in and starts to fiddle with his napkin, keeping his eyes on it.
“It's actually a part here in New York. I went to an audition a couple of weeks after I came back and never heard anything of it, so I thought that they'd just chosen someone else. But apparently they were just in negotiations with my agent the whole time. Who conveniently forgot to tell me. It's, um, it's for a musical. Aladdin. That's also who I'll be playing. For the next season. If you're okay with that.”
He pauses and, when Kurt doesn't say anything, looks up to where Kurt is sitting, staring at him and still not saying anything. They stare at each other for a couple of seconds and Blaine is this close to begging Kurt to say something when Kurt finally shakes himself out of it and leans forward.
“You auditioned for a Broadway musical?” He asks and Blaine bites his lip and nods. “Yes, but that was before we had our agreement to talk about this stuff and I didn't think I had a chance -” Kurt holds up a hand and Blaine shuts up immediately.
“And you got the part? Of Aladdin?” He still seems to wrap his mind around that so Blaine just lets him process and nods silently.
“So you'll be in New York for the unforeseeable future? Playing Aladdin? Riding a flying carpet and singing 'A Whole New World'?” His voice goes all high and breathy and Blaine’s mouth twitches into a half-smile as he nods. Kurt shakes his head.
“And you thought I would be upset so you told me right away and didn't give your agent the go ahead?”
Blaine is grinning by now and nods slowly in reply. Kurt shakes his head again. “Blaine, you idiot, call your agent right now.”
Blaine laughs but a second later he realizes that Kurt is being dead serious so he rolls his eyes and makes the call. His agent is happy to set up all the contracts and reassures Blaine that the part is still his. As soon as he hangs up and puts the phone back onto the table, he catches Kurt's eye. “Happy?”
And at last, at last, Kurt breaks into a happy smile, all teeth and dimples and open happiness. A happy laugh bubbles out of Blaine and before he can figure out what's happening, Kurt is out of his chair and in Blaine's lap, clinging to his neck and kissing his face over and over.
“Oh my god, Blaine, yes, I'm so happy.” He kisses Blaine's temple and his nose and his cheek while Blaine clutches at Kurt's thighs to keep him upright on his lap. “I'm so happy for you and so happy for me.” Kurt stops kissing him to watch his face, traces his hairline with his fingertips and Blaine's eyelids flutter with every touch. It's hard to concentrate on what Kurt's saying when he's touching him like this, reverent, like something precious. Blaine suddenly wishes he had chosen a more private setting to tell him the news.
“I'm so proud of you.” He pauses and they look at each other and then his smile twitches into a smirk. “I'm so proud to be with you,” he repeats the long-forgotten moment in their relationship, when all Blaine had cared about was one boy's opinion of him. He realizes now that not much has changed since them. His throat closes up and his eyes prickle and he pushes his face into Kurt's neck, inhaling the familiar scent.
Kurt shivers against him and clutches his head to keep him where he is, stroking the back of his neck. “It's true. I've always been. You are so amazing, Blaine, you don't even know. You deserve this so much.” Blaine closes his eyes and relaxes into Kurt's touch.
“I love you so much, Kurt.”
Kurt tenses underneath him for a second and Blaine holds his breath, hoping he hasn't ruined the moment. He'd promised himself that he wouldn't push Kurt, that he would wait for him to be ready to say these words again. It's no big deal that he hasn't yet. Blaine knows that Kurt loves him. He can feel it in his bones.
After a moment, Kurt tugs at Blaine's hair and Blaine reluctantly moves away from his neck to look at Kurt again, who is smiling softly at him.
“I love you too, Blaine Anderson.”
Blaine hasn't even realized how much Kurt has been holding back until he stops doing it. It's in the little touches he dares in front of the kids. It's in the way he teases Blaine when he tries to colour-coordinate his outfits with Kurt's. It's in the way he suddenly seems more relaxed, happier to Blaine. And Blaine apparently isn't the only one who notices.
“Well, someone's in a good mood.” Rachel smiles over at Kurt as they look through the pictures they had taken on their trip to the beach the weekend before. Kurt shrugs and laughs in reply, tracing the contour of Blaine's swimming-trunk clad body on the picture with one finger; Blaine blushes and averts his eyes. Rachel looks intrigued and opens her mouth and Blaine is sure she'll ask inappropriate questions but before she can get one of them out, Kurt beats her to it.
“Must be all the sex I'm having. Endorphins and all that.”
Blaine chokes on his orange juice and begins coughing so Kurt pats his back with one hand while checking out the next picture of Emma building a sandcastle. Rachel grins at them and helps patting Blaine's back.
“From how red in the face Blaine is, I'm guessing you're having all the sex with him?”
His voice sounds raspy, still recovering from his choking. “I'm red in the face because I just nearly choked to death, thanks, Rachel.”
Both Kurt and Rachel ignore him. “Yes, of course it's Blaine. I wouldn't be cruel enough to discuss my sex life with other men in front of my husband.”
“I hope you don't have a sex life outside of that with your husband,” Blaine mutters, only to be ignored again; this time by Rachel. “Of course, that would be insensitive. Well, congrats on all the sex then. Happiness looks good on you.”
Rachel and Kurt share a smile and a look Blaine can't decipher, but he's used to their close relationship so he only sighs and leans back in his chair to take another careful sip of his orange juice. They both glance at him and grin.
“I'm happy for you too, Blaine. Keep up the good work.” Rachel pats his cheek and Blaine rolls his eyes in response, though his lips twitch to a smile. Kurt grabs his hand and squeezes before kissing his cheek. “And I'm glad you didn't choke to death. And I promise my sex life only features you in it. Unless it's solo time; then it's Adam Lambert.”
They laugh and continue looking through the pictures, deciding which ones will be put into a scrapbook and which will get a place on the fridge and Blaine really can't even begin to marvel at how this is his life.
Blaine fell onto his bed, exhausted. It had been a long day and the heat was killing him. It hadn't really helped that he'd had to sit on a horse for most of the day, a horse that had been annoyed with the heat as well. In the end, the director had called it quits, deciding to try again tomorrow. Blaine did not want to try again tomorrow. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see his husband. He wanted this stupid situation to be resolved.
With a sigh, Blaine picked up his phone, scrolling through his contacts and pressing “call” when he reached Kurt's name. He shivered at the cold air the AC was blowing on his sweaty skin and wondered whether he should have showered before making the call.
Before he could ponder any longer, Kurt's mailbox picked up. Of course.
“Hi, you've reached Kurt Hummel's phone. I'm currently unavailable but if you leave your name and a message, I might consider calling you back. Thank you and have a swell day.”
Blaine sighed and waited for the beep.
“Hi, it's Blaine. Your husband. You're still not picking up your phone and I don't know if you even listen to the messages I've left these past months, but. I just wanted to let you know that I will be back a week from now. The weather is still dreadfully hot but Marc is confident that we'll have finished up by the weekend. I will send you my flight details as soon as I have them.” He hesitated for a moment before carrying on. “I miss you. I hope you're well. I hope you will talk to me when I'm back. We'll figure this all out soon. I love you.”
Blaine ended the call and let the phone fall next to his head on the mattress. The past months had been hell. A hell of leaving messages that stayed unanswered. A hell of jumping every time his phone beeped, only to be disappointed. A hell of answering questions about Kurt; “Oh, he's great, thank you. Staying home with the kids, you know how it is.” It sounded less convincing with every week that passed.
After a minute of wallowing in self-pity, Blaine stood from the bed and made his way over to the bathroom, washing away the dust and sweat and worries of the day.
Chapter 14: Thirteen
See?? I told you it'd only be a little while. I have decided to leave it this long and put the rest in an Epilogue, kind of. Which will be coming soon. And then that's it. I'm so relieved I finally managed to finish this. Now all I can hope for is that you enjoy it as well! :)
Telling Rachel is one thing, telling Emma and Liz is a whole other insurmountable feat altogether. Kurt paces the bedroom until Blaine feels dizzy. He grabs Kurt's wrist when he passes Blaine sitting on the bed to stop him from moving around so much. Kurt glares at him.
“Honey, you need to relax. You were the one who said you wanted to tell the girls. If you're not ready, that's okay as well. We can postpone this. I promise I don't mind.” It’s only half a lie. Blaine had been ecstatic when Kurt had suggested telling the girls. But he could wait. He would wait forever for Kurt.
But Kurt is already shaking his head before Blaine's even finished. “No. No, I'm sure about wanting to tell them. And I'm sure it will be fine. It's not that outrageous, that their fathers are together. I'm just nervous. This is important.”
Blaine nods and tugs at Kurt's wrist and puckers his lips until Kurt gets the hint, sighs and leans down to kiss him. “It is important. I know that. But it will be amazing. And after we've told the girls, we won't have to hide anymore. And I will get to do this-” he traces Kurt's wrist and the vein leading up his arm with his fingertips, until his fingers reach underneath Kurt's polo shirt, squeezing his biceps. “-and also this.” He grabs Kurt's ass with his free hand, making Kurt squeak in surprise before he is pulled down to straddle Blaine.
Kurt grabs Blaine's jaw with his hands and kisses him again, quick and dirty, sucking his upper lip into his mouth and Blaine groans into his mouth, pressing them closer together and sinking one of his hands into Kurt's hair. He loves the way Kurt's mouth feels on his, the way he's wet and hot and just melts into Blaine.
Kurt finally separates them with an obscene smacking sound, pupils dark and hair messed up. They smile at each other before Kurt suddenly begins to giggle. “We should probably not do this in front of the girls, even after they know.”
Blaine kisses him one last time before releasing his grip. “Probably not. But I'll be happy if all I get to do is hold your hand for the rest of our lives.” Kurt's giggle becomes more delighted even as he smacks Blaine's arm. “The older you are the cheesier you get, Blaine Anderson.”
Blaine gasps and puts a hand over his heart.
“Are you accusing me of not being sincere? Even worse; are you calling me old?”
Kurt only laughs and moves to the mirror, straightening out his clothes and hair. “No one would ever dare accusing you of being insincere. And you're still as young and dashing as ever.”
Blaine nods in mock self-righteousness and stands to check himself out in the mirror, coming to rest behind Kurt. Kurt smiles at him through the mirror and Blaine hooks his chin over Kurt’s shoulder, circling his right arm around Kurt’s waist and staring at the two of them.
“We make quite the pair, don’t we?” Kurt reads his mind, smiling softly when Blaine nods mutely into Kurt’s shoulder, still staring at their reflection.
After a moment, Kurt rolls his eyes and turns so he’s facing Blaine, hugging Blaine close before putting some distance between them. “And they say I’m the conceited one. When it’s you who can’t stop staring at his reflection.”
Blaine smiles and strokes Kurt’s waist with his hands, making sure not to wrinkle his shirt.
“Oh but I’m not looking at myself. I’m looking at us. In that mirror. Together.”
Kurt snorts and kisses Blaine’s cheek. “Honey, you do realize that we’re also together here, in the real world? It’s not just in the mirror.”
It’s ridiculous, how Blaine suddenly feels so overwhelmed, his heart swelling in size and his breath coming short. He’s spent so many years loving this boy, this man. He’s loved him earnestly, constantly, desperately. It feels unreal that after his years of longing, Kurt’s his to hold again. Kurt seems to sense his internal melt-down and his eyes soften on Blaine’s before he kisses him softly, surely, cupping the side of his neck as he takes control of the kiss. Blaine can’t help but whimper into it, pressing closer and closer until he’s flush against Kurt, from head to toe.
Kurt kisses his upper lip, then his bottom lip, kisses his cheek and his eyebrows, and then his temple, nosing along Blaine’s hairline. “Are you okay, Blaine? I’ve been freaking out so much about telling the girls, I kind of forgot to ask you if you even want this. We have time-“ Blaine clutches Kurt closer and Kurt makes a strangled noise against him before his hands wander over Blaine’s shoulder blades to press him closer still. “We do have time, Blaine. All the time in the world. We’re together in this, right?”
Blaine shudders against Kurt and relaxes. He feels ridiculous. He lets up on the vice grip he has on Kurt’s waist, only now realizing that he’d locked his arms behind Kurt’s back to keep him close. Kurt only strokes his back, though, and waits patiently while Blaine tries to swallow his embarrassment.
“We are. Together in this, I mean. That’s all I ever wanted. You’re all I ever wanted. It’s just taking some time for me to accept that I actually get to have you again. I didn’t think – But I do want to tell Em and Liz. I’m so proud to be with you; I want everyone to know.”
He looks up at Kurt again, who’s scrunching his nose adorably; Blaine can’t help but rise to his tippy toes and kiss it. Kurt squirms away, making Blaine giggle.
“I’m glad you think so. I’m proud to be with you, too. You just seemed a little-“ he trails off, and Blaine raises an eyebrow. Kurt’s never shy with his words.
“Desperate?” He supplies and Kurt scrunches his nose again and nods.
“A little bit. With the squeezing and the death lock. Not that I ever mind you wanting to be close to me. It’s just- I want to understand what’s going on with you, you know?”
Blaine nods. He does understand, but he also feels childish and embarrassed by his own behaviour. He bites his bottom lip and looks to the side, wishing the floor would give him the answers he can’t seem to formulate. Kurt ducks his head to catch Blaine eye again, calm and reassuring. He resumes stroking Blaine’s back and side, one hand sliding lower and lower until he can grab Blaine’s ass.
Blaine yelps in surprise, finally looking up at Kurt whose eyes are shining with mirth.
“Sorry. I can’t seem to help myself. When my hands are somewhere near it, I need to grab it.”
Blaine chokes out a startled laugh. “We’re having a serious moment here and you can’t help but objectify me by grabbing my ass? I’ve always known you were only in this relationship for my butt.”
But he feels as if something heavy has lifted from his chest and by Kurt’s playful but knowing expression, he has intended exactly that.
“What can I say? You have the perfect butt. I’ve read whole articles in my secret trashy magazines dedicated to that ass.”
He squeezes once more for emphasis and Blaine smiles and shakes his head.
“You’ve always been an ass man.” Kurt only shrugs unapologetically. Blaine breathes deep before struggling to get the words out. “I’m sorry I was being weird and desperate. I’m so happy we’re back in this place. I’m so glad that we’ve worked through this. I just- I lost you. Twice. And both were the most terrible times of my life. And I don’t ever want to mess up again. But what if I do? I’m really terrified that I’ll mess up again, that we’ll mess up again and that I might one day lose you forever. And I know, rationally, that there’s no guarantee that we won’t do that. I know we can only work on our relationship and that we’re lucky, so lucky, to have found each other. I’m so lucky to have you to want to work on this. But I still kind of wish there was some guarantee. Some kind of contract that tells me that we won’t ever be in such a terrible place again, ever. Or that we will work through it if we are. That I won’t lose you.”
He stops his rant to breathe, glad that Kurt has let him get through it without interrupting. He’s still a little embarrassed to be so insecure, but he knows that if he can’t show Kurt his insecurity, his husband and best friend and kindest and most compassionate person, he can’t show anyone.
Kurt waits a moment in case Blaine wants to add anything to his speech and runs his fingers up and down Blaine’s spine. When Blaine doesn’t speak again, Kurt gathers him closer and noses at his ear shell before leaving a soft kiss to it. Blaine shivers and relaxes into Kurt’s embrace.
“First, thank you for telling me. I want you to tell me this kind of stuff,” he whispers into his ear, taking an audibly breath before continuing, “and second, you’re not the only one who’s terrified. Why do you think it took me so long to finally tell you I love you? We both know that I never stopped loving you. But I was afraid. Afraid that we will one day hurt each other enough that it can’t be mended. I’m afraid of your insecurity and that I’ll add to that instead of helping you with it. I’m afraid of the way it’s shaped our lives so far. I’m afraid of my own issues, my trust issues, not in you, but in life in general. I’m afraid that I’ve got so used to losing people that are precious to me that I’ll push them away before they get the chance to come close enough,” his voice is wet and Blaine swallows against the tightness in his throat as he listens, “I’m afraid of being bitchy and inconsiderate because there’s a lot going on right now with my play and your play and my fashion line and the girls and us. I don’t want to lose sight of us but I’m also afraid of losing sight of any of the other stuff.”
“Well, that’s not exactly helping me feel more secure, you know?” Blaine mutters against Kurt’s neck, who laughs shakily in return.
“Sorry. I’m just saying, relationships are scary. They are hard. But still, I did tell you I love you, didn’t I? And do you know why?”
Blaine shakes his head, putting some distance between them to look at Kurt curiously. Kurt smiles at him and shrugs helplessly.
“You are the love of my life, Blaine Anderson-Hummel. And I realized that just because I was afraid to take the leap, it didn’t make things safer for me. You still have the power to crush me, to hurt me, even if I had never told you. It only held us back. And I don’t want to hold back. I want to be with you. And maybe there are no guarantees. But there is a contract. I have promised to honour and love you in that contract, forever. And I plan on keeping my word.” He smiles and waggles his eyebrows ridiculously and Blaine laughs and nods, feeling lighter than he has in what seem like years.
“I do too. I promise to always love you and fight for you. I promise.”
Kurt’s eyes crinkle and he grabs Blaine’s hand between them.
“You may now kiss the husband,” he whispers solemnly and Blaine laughs again before doing just that.
After all the drama, telling the girls is kind of anticlimactic. They mostly seem bored, watching their dad as Kurt stumbles through an explanation of how he and Blaine are still very much in love with each other and might do stuff like hold hands or kiss from now on out. Blaine just grins and squeezes Kurt’s knee under the table, unsurprised when Kurt grabs the hand and holds on hard.
“So, do we get to order ice cream for dessert?” Liz asks, perfecting the role of the teenager she is becoming. Blaine can’t believe how much she’s grown over the summer.
“Sure, you can have ice cream, but just this once. Because it’s the weekend. And we’re out to dinner.”
Kurt looks a little disappointed at her reaction and Blaine strokes his thumb over Kurt’s knuckles. He looks at Emma, who looks a bit confused.
“But what does that mean?” She asks, all innocence, and Blaine wishes she could just sit in his lap so he could hold her.
“It means that we are together, as a family. Like your friends’ families. Like Cara’s parents, John and Melissa,” Kurt explains patiently. Emma just shrugs.
“But haven’t we been a family this whole time? We do stuff together, like going to the beach. Cara went camping with her family. Does that mean we’ll go camping now?”
Kurt shudders next to him at the thought and Blaine grins. “No, sweetie. We won’t go camping. You’re right, we’ve always been a family. Nothing is going to change for you.”
Emma cocks her head to the side, apparently still confused. Liz, who had be perusing her dessert choices, finally looks up again. “It just means that they’ll be more gross with each other. Kissing and stuff.”
Emma nods sagely in understanding and Blaine grins even broader. Kurt rolls his eyes.
“There might be kissing, but it won’t be gross. So, you’re okay with this?” He looks unsure and Blaine wishes Kurt could just sit in his lap so he could hold him.
Emma nods and Lizzy shrugs. “Sure. Daddy’s been here the whole summer. This means that he’ll stay even longer, right?”
“Yes. I have a new job here in New York and will stay here, to be with you two and Kurt,” Blaine chimes in. Kurt smiles at him and Blaine winks back before turning to the girls in case they have more questions. Emma and Liz are staring at each other, before simultaneously shaking their heads. “Gross,” Liz mutters and Emma copies her immediately. “Gross.”
Blaine grins even broader.
“So when are you moving in?” Emma asks next and Blaine freezes in his seat. He can see Kurt stiffen next to him and wonders how they didn’t anticipate this question. Liz looks at them and narrows her eyes.
“You are moving back in, right?” She asks. “You said we’ll be a family like Cara’s and Cara’s dad lives at home with them.”
Her logic is flawless and Blaine flounders to find a satisfying answer that the girls will accept. Kurt squeezes his hand again.
“We haven’t talked about that, actually. That’s something we should decide as a family. Do you want daddy to move in?” He sounds calm and collected and Blaine stares at him in wonder.
Emma scrunches her nose in a perfect Kurt-simulation. “Of course. It’s our home. Why wouldn’t he live with us?”
Blaine feels his eyes well up. With everything changing so fast, he had not even thought about living with his family again. He swallows hard against the tears and holds onto Kurt’s hand for dear life.
“Can I get his apartment when he moves back in?” Liz asks, voice hopeful. Kurt rolls his eyes.
“No. You will not get his apartment. You already got the promise of ice cream. That has to be enough.”
Liz sulks in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. Kurt’s lips twitch into a grin before he turns to Blaine.
“So. Are you up for coming back home?” The way he asks makes Blaine think that Kurt had already considered and planned this before tonight and he just nods, unable to contain the bright smile breaking over his face.
“Of course. I’d love to come home.”
They stare at each other dopily until Blaine hears a muttered “gross” from across the table and they both look back over to their daughters.
“Elizabeth, if I were you I wouldn’t insult the people who can make the decisions about whether or not you get ice cream for dessert. Stop calling us gross.”
Liz slumps down in her seat, arms still crossed, but she does look chastised as she always does when Kurt calls her by her full name.
Kurt smiles satisfied, loosening his grip on Blaine’s sweaty hand and clapping his own together. “Very nice. So it’s settled. Blaine will move back in, you will get ice cream for dessert and we will never, ever go camping.”
As Blaine sat on Sam’s couch, looking through apartment listings, he couldn’t help the resentment rising inside of him.
He would have never thought he would have Kurt in front of him, telling him that he’d already told the girls that daddy would be moving out once he came back and that he’d already spoken to Sam to see if he could stay at his place until he found something suitable in the city. He would have never thought he would ever have to say goodbye to his children, even if it was only until the next weekend.
He would have never thought he could be this pissed.
“Do you want a beer?” Sam asked tentatively from where he was hovering near the couch. Blaine only huffed in reply. “There’s a lot I want, Sam. A lot. I want my husband to come to his senses. I want to know when he was replaced by alien-Kurt, the cold bitch that just informed me I had been moved out of the house during my absence. Who even does that, Sam?”
Sam looked at him with wide eyes and shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know?! Aliens?”
Blaine stared, incredulous, before a laugh bubbled up in his chest and out of his mouth. Once he started, he couldn’t seem to stop, leaning forwards, hands on his knees and head hanging low, laugh after laugh tumbling out of him. He was hysterical, he knew, but he couldn’t stop.
When he finally looked up again, clutching his sides and chuckling, Sam was offering him a beer bottle with a careful smile.
“You’re a good friend, Sam. Thank you.” He took a long sip, enjoying the cold beverage and bitter taste, washing away his own bitterness.
He knew he needed to find an apartment soon. He needed to call his publicist to make sure the news of his break-up would not get to the surface before he was ready.
But really, all he wanted to do was drink beer. And maybe play one of these alien games Sam had for his playstation. Everything else could wait.
The night of the premier is hectic in the Hummel-Anderson residence. Kurt has been gone since that morning, looking pale and determined and beautiful and Blaine has only heard of him once, when he got a text thanking him for the flowers (red and yellow roses, of course) he’d sent to Kurt’s dressing room.
Blaine feels stressed. Burt and Carol are downstairs, entertaining the girls who are dressed nicely in dresses Kurt has designed for them and Blaine doesn’t know what Burt knows, what Kurt has told him yet. He hadn’t commented on Blaine being there or on the fact that Blaine apparently sleeps in Kurt’s bedroom again. Blaine knows that Burt has to know they are back together, because for one, it’s obvious, and for another, Kurt has always told Burt everything. But he doesn’t know what Burt thinks, whether he’s okay with it, whether he hates Blaine. And also, Blaine’s missed Burt fiercely and mostly wants to cling to him; Burt gives the best hugs.
So that’s part of why he’s stressed.
There’s also the fact that he hasn’t been out in public since the fashion show he went to with Kurt. He knows there will be press tonight and he kind of dreads it. He realizes he should have talked to Kurt about what they will tell the world about the status of their relationship but with everything going on, he hadn’t even thought of it. There’s speculation, of course; the pap’s have taken lots of pictures of them being out with the girls and one time of them out alone at a restaurant. But until now, it’s only rumours.
So that kind of adds to his stress.
Most importantly though, he can’t get his bow tie to work. He fiddles with it in front of the mirror, growing more frustrated with every passing minute. He needs to look perfect. He needs to look perfect for Kurt, who will shine tonight, and for his parents-in-law, and for the press, and for himself. There’s a knock on the door frame and Blaine turns to see Burt leaning against it, looking mighty amused.
Blaine sighs and unties the bow tie again.
“For someone who’s married my son and actually has a bigger bow tie collection than even Kurt does, you really suck at that,” Burt comments lightly, nodding to his askew tie and moving closer. Blaine chuckles and hangs his head.
“I’m just nervous, I guess,” he ventures and Burt nods, coming even closer and pushing Blaine’s fiddling fingers away to help him. Blaine smiles and lets him.
“You shouldn’t be. You know Kurt can do this. This is his thing. He will be great.”
Blaine bites his lip guiltily. “I’m actually not that nervous for Kurt. I know he will be fine. He was born to do this. Sorry. I’m probably a terrible husband for being nervous for myself on Kurt’s night.”
Burt chuckles quietly and finishes the tie with practiced moves. “Not a terrible husband. But why are you nervous?”
Blaine shrugs lightly and admires the bow tie Burt has tied around his neck.
“Thank you,” he says quietly when Burt moves backwards to admire his own work, “and I don’t know. I guess I’m nervous about, um, being out in public, with all the press and stuff. It’s never really been my thing.”
Burt nods in understanding and claps Blaine’s shoulder. “You’ll be fine. You have your family with you. We will help you dodge any awkward questions.” Blaine lets himself breathe and smiles gratefully at Burt.
“Thank you. I’m really glad you’re here.”
Burt’s eyes twinkle and Blaine knows he can see what else Blaine has been nervous about. He claps Blaine’s shoulder again, letting his hand rest there for a moment.
“We’re glad to be here. And I’m really glad to see you here, Anderson. It’s good to see you two back together.” Blaine only nods shakily, smiling and feeling some of the stress ebb away.
“Thank you, Burt. It means a lot.”
Burt grins and moves toward the door. “Now come on, the girls are waiting. We can’t be late to our guy’s big night.”
The theatre is crowded. Blaine sits in his seat, nervously tapping his fingers against his leg. He’s never been so grateful to have Burt and Carol with him, who are entertaining the girls. He hears a sigh and then a playbill is thrust into his lap.
“I swear, you make me even more nervous than I already am. Do something about that. Read the damn playbill. Salivate over the picture of your husband. I don’t know. Just stop doing the nervous twitching.”
Blaine grimaces but clutches the playbill obediently in his hands. Santana sighs again and pats his leg. “You know it will be fine. Hummel knows what he’s doing. And afterwards, you will glide over the red carpet next to him, making moony eyes at him. It will be fine.”
She then turns to her other side, where Rachel is wiggling her leg nervously to chew her out as well.
Blaine sighs and opens the program, flicking through it until he finds Kurt’s picture. Santana is right; he does kind of want to salivate over the picture. Kurt looks stunning in black and white, posture sure and eyes piercing and jaw angled just so. Blaine traces a finger along his jaw line and smiles before reading through his bio. It’s mostly his accomplishments, his degree at NYADA and the plays he’s taken part in.
At the end, he reads through the acknowledgements with a smile.
“Kurt Hummel thanks his family and friends for supporting him in his formidable achievements; his father Burt and his step-mother Carol, without whom he would not have been able to pursue his dream, his brother Finn and mother Elizabeth, who are giving him strength every day.
His daughters Emma and Elizabeth, who have shown him what true strength means, his friends Rachel and Santana, who have always pushed him to be his best. He would also like to thank his husband for believing in him and helping him become a better man.
Kurt Hummel knows that there are more people he needs to thank but his acknowledgements should not be longer than his biography, because that would both be tacky and depressing. He is thankful for everyone in his life and grateful that they are taking this journey with him.
He is most grateful for his best friend and confidante for giving him courage every day.
And since this has become tacky anyway, despite Kurt Hummel’s efforts to avoid it, he ends this bio with a Beatles quote.
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise”
Blaine wipes his eyes, chuckling at the words and hoping no one has noticed his tears. The put upon sigh next to him tells him otherwise.
“Oh for god’s sake,” Santana murmurs, taking Blaine’s hand in hers and Blaine looks gratefully at her, seeing that Rachel is already clutching Santana’s other hand. They all smile at each other.
Blaine feels his heart expand, no longer unsure how he will talk to the press, how his life will continue to change. There’s a lot still to come, he knows. Tonight, he will go to his apartment and pack his last stuff together. And then he will finally go home.
But for now he watches as the lights dim and relaxes back into his chair just as the curtain opens.
Blaine looked around his new apartment, dim in the afternoon before he switched the lights on. The boxes were still unpacked, mostly books and his model robots, and he walked over to the window facing a corner of the Cooper Square. He looked down at the people for a moment, wondering how their lives could go on when he was here, in this lonely dark apartment, without his love.
He knew that dwelling too much on how his life had turned around would not do him any good. He would pour himself a drink and get to unpacking his stuff soon. But, for only a minute, he could watch these people down on the street disdainfully; he could envy their ability to move on. He would face the music, find a new project to work on, continue. But not tonight.
With one final look outside, Blaine breathed in and out slowly and closed the curtain.
And this is it. I can't believe I actually did it. Seriously, I can't believe it. This story was meant to be shorter, but you know how it goes with these boys of ours.
I hope you've all watched I'm Not There, because this story was greatly inspired by that movie (okay, the plot is completely different, but whatever).
Thanks so much to those of you who've stuck with me til the end.
I'm glad I got to know the end of this story. It's been a pleasure. :)