Kara and Alex have always had each other, even when they had no one else. Whenever someone hurt them or left them, they had each other. And in moments where things are quiet, moments where they can lie with no responsibilities they like to remember a few moments. The moments that defined them, solidified them. The moments that proved to them that “El Mayarah” will always mean them, Alex and Kara, Always.
The first defining moment in their lives happened when Alex was 14 and Kara was 13. The first time Alex saw her she was so small, hiding behind her cousin as she peeks out at the Danvers behind blonde bangs. Her blue eyes large and watery, her body trembling with fear and pain. Alex shook when she saw the pain in the smaller girl's eyes, a depth of sadness no child should ever have, that no other child should be able to recognize. As Alex regarded the girl she noticed that Kara seemed about 2 seconds from bolting, or puking, as she gripped Clark's cape, her knuckles white.
Alex will never forget how Kara looked that day. She was so scared, and even though Kara was invading her life, her space, she found she couldn't hate the little alien with the sky blue eyes.
Not that she didn't try, to hate her. The first few months were touch and go for a while. Her parents weren't sure Alex would ever accept Kara as a sister, a friend. She seemed so angry whenever Kara was near.
She watched over her, of course she did, Kara was her responsibility. That didn't mean she had to like it. And yet every time she wanted to hate the invader in her house she thought back to that first day. Remembering the look in Kara’s eyes when Clark left her with the Danvers. The fear, the loss, the pain, and she can't hate her, a girl who has already lost too much, not that she would ever let anyone know it.
Then one day things changed, it was the next defining moment in their lives. Kara had been living with the Danvers for a few months with no changes to the disdain Alex projected towards her. Then Eliza received a phone call from the Junior High School requesting she come pick up her daughters.
Alex was crying silent tears when her mother arrived, but Eliza smiled when she saw her. Alex had a split lip and bloody knuckles but she was holding a trembling Kara in her lap. Kara’s legs wrapped around her waist as she cried into Alex’s shoulder. Eliza nodded slightly as she passed Alex, noting the small circles she rubbed into Kara’s back, the soothing words she muttered into Kara’s ear. Smiling tightly Alex continued taking care of Kara as her mother went to speak with the principal and the dean.
That day, the first day Alex beat someone up for bullying Kara, changed their relationship forever. Never again would Kara have to deal with people calling her a freak, pulling her hair, stuffing her in lockers, pouring things on her. Alex never knew how Kara could remain so in control or her strength during during those moments, though now it didn’t matter, every single person in Midvale knew never to mess with Kara Danvers, not unless they wanted to deal with Alex Danvers. The two boys she beat up that day never so much as looked at Kara after that. And while Eliza and Jeremiah never found out what they did to Kara, what was so horrible that Alex snapped into defense mode, they knew it solidified a bond between the girls that would endure for years.
This moment is tied up with so many moments for Alex. That night, after they sat through a lecture from Eliza and Jeremiah Kara padded into Alex’s room in slippers and made her an offer. Going to the window and turning back to Alex, her hand extended she decides it’s time she take Alex flying. Kara Always smiled when she remembered the look on Alex’s face that night.
They flew out over the ocean, darting low enough to touch the waves. Giggling as Kara used her X-ray vision to find dolphins for them to follow, laughing when they jumped out of the water.
They returned that night to a silent house, not wanting their bonding to end Alex suggested they go up on the roof. They grabbed blankets and looked up at the stars for hours. Teaching each other what the constellations are called in their languages. They stayed up until the sky turned red with sunrise, Alex cuddled in Kara’s arms to keep warm.
Deciding it was best to get inside before her parents came looking for them Alex opened her bed to Kara for the first time. Starting a tradition that would endure for years. Years of Kara sliding into bed next to Alex, pulling her cool body close and wrapping their limbs together.
It was noon by the time Eliza finally woke them up. Laughing at how completely intertwined they became in their sleep. She smiles when Kara mutters, “El Mayarah.”
Her eyes widening when Alex, her voice still heavy with sleep replies, “Kara and Alex. Always.”
Usually by this point in their reminiscing Alex grabs a drink because the next defining moment, the last one of their childhood is the hardest.
It's hardest because for most of their lives Alex saved Kara, whether it be from a bully, or later from a threat that Kara, that Supergirl, can't handle alone, Alex is always there. She never needs saving, she's always tougher, smarter, braver than anyone else. Until they remember the first time she wasn't. The time that proved to Alex that Kara might love her just as much, in just the same way, as she loves Kara.
It was storming that night, Alex shouldn't have even been out, but by then she was an expert at sneaking out of her window. If she hadn't been up getting a glass of water Kara might not have heard her leave, but she did. And without even a moment of hesitation she followed, her glass shattering on the tiles as she flies.
Kara knows that when Alex is too full of emotions she goes to the ocean. She told her once that surfing helps to center her, to allow her to think clearly, but there was a storm that night, and Kara knew Alex would be out surfing in it. “That reckless idiot” she muttered and whenever they tell this story Kara's eyes fill with the same pain, the same worry she felt then.
Because when she got to that beach, she couldn't see Alex. The winds were strong enough for even Kara to feel them which means they were too much for Alex. They were too strong and Kara couldn't find her, couldn't see her between the rain and the darkness, even with her x-ray vision the water moved to swiftly, there was too much debris.
It took 30 minutes for Kara to finally find her, still clinging to her surfboard but so far out, to far out. Kara have never flown so quickly, scooping Alex out of the ocean as a large wave swept up her surfboard. Clutching her trembling body to her chest Kara flies home, hoping that the trembling means Alex is breathing, that she’ll be okay.
This is the moment where Kara learned Alex’s heartbeat, from that point on she could find Alex anywhere, even in a crowded room simply by listening for her heart. She monitored Alex for hours that night, listening to her heart and her shallow breaths. Holding her close as she whispers how much she loves her, how much she needs her.
The next morning, when Eliza finds them tangled up in bed, Alex’s clothes still on the floor, still damp with salt water, she yelled. Demanding to know why Alex had a death wish. Wanting her to explain how she could possibly watch over Kara if she is dead at the bottom of the ocean.
Alex always defended Kara from bullies and in that moment, Eliza raging at Alex, Kara snapped in much the way Alex had before. Untangling herself from Alex’s limps, placing a soft kiss to her forehead she stands in front of Eliza. Her small frame shaking in anger as she asks her to leave the room, to allow Alex to heal. Eliza swears Kara’s eyes glowed for the first time that day as she glared, protecting what's hers, the person who will always be hers.
Kara stayed by Alex, guarded Alex for hours, leaving only once to use the bathroom and grab a snack and even then she used her super speed to return to Alex’s bedside quickly. She was so worried, though Jeremiah did try to convince her that Alex would be okay, she just needed rest. Kara was determined to stay awake and beside her until she awoke.
After what felt like eons Alex opened her eyes, gripping Kara’s hand tightly she smiled. Kara nearly forgot herself in that moment, pulling Alex toward her and wrapping her in a hug, the tears she had been holding back finally falling. “I thought, I, Alex,” she pause swallowing hard and breathing deep before glaring, blue eyes stormy. “Alex you scared me! You big dummy, you could have died!” she sobs as Alex pulls her in, gripping her harder as she cries into her collar bone.
“You came for me, you, you saved me,” she mumbles into Kara’s hair, her eyes burning with tears.
“Of course I came, I wouldn’t leave you Alex, I’ll never leave you!” She looks up, her watery blue eyes meeting Alex’s hazel ones, “El Mayarah, Kara and Alex, always.”
Alex knew, of course she knew, what the S on clark's chest meant, but she never felt like it meant her, included her, but that day, as she sank into cool blue eyes she knew, “El Mayarah, stronger together, it defined Kara and Alex, forever, come hell or high water.
The two of them spent the night together, tangled up in eachothers arms. Kara taking comfort from having Alex so close, the coolness of her skin calming. Alex enjoying having Kara’s warmth covering her, sighing as Kara’s breaths even out, her body becoming heavy with sleep. Reaching her hands up she tangles them in Kara’s blonde locks, twirling blonde strands around her fingers. Kara swears she heard what Alex said next but Alex knows she was asleep when she kissed her hair and muttered ‘that no matter what she would always protect Kara, always work to be worthy of her.’
The next moment they ponder comes years later, after Kara is supergirl, after she loses the last connection she has to Krypton, after Alex stole that connection from her. She tried to hate Alex that day, even as she hugged her and told her it was okay. She tried to hate her for taking away the only family she had left.
She went home that night fuming, pacing her small apartment full of rage. Rage that she couldn’t reconcile with being towards Alex, Alex who makes her smile, laugh, feel at home. It was so much simpler when she could blame J’onn, could hate him. Now that she knows that Alex killed Astra, killed her to protect J’onn, she doesn’t know how to feel.
“Alex you stupid reckless dummy why do you make this so hard!” she sinks to the floor, curling into a ball and sobbing. Her mind playing images of their childhood, of days spent running behind Alex, nights spent tangled up in her limbs.
And Alex? Alex was drowning her sorrows in a bottle of whisky. She knew that Kara says she forgives her but she can’t see how. Kara was so hurt, so sad, so wrecked by Astra’s death when she thought J’onn killed her. How can she possibly forgive Alex so easily when she knows Alex doesn’t deserve forgiveness.
Tossing the empty bottle at the trash Alex slid down to the floor, smiling at the shards of glass littering the hardwood. She wanted to call Kara, Rao she needed to hear her voice. She knows she can’t though, why should she get comfort from Kara when all Kara will feel is revulsion.
They both went to bed that night crying. Kara wanting, needing Alex near even when the idea of seeing her made her want to scream. She tossed and turned for hours, her bed to warm without Alex’s cool skin on hers, without her steady heartbeat lulling Kara to sleep when she feels to much. Across town Alex is staring at her ceiling, trying to deny her need for Kara, the desire to hold her, to dry her tears, resonating deep in her bones. She knows Kara is hurting, she always knows but tonight it’s her fault and she can’t go dry her tears.
It takes days for Alex to speak to Kara. Days of dodging her at the DEO, of sending other agents out on the field as she works in the lab. Kara knew Alex was avoiding her but she did nothing to prevent it. She was unsure how she would react, whether she would embrace her or try to break her. But she needs Alex, her need for Alex permeates her entire being and then Alex gets hurt.
It was supposed to be a routine raid, J’onn received some intel about a dominator hideout where alien refugees were being held to ship to Maaldoria. Alex took a team into the hideout and everything was going according to plan. The dominators were neutralized and the refugees were being evacuated. What they didn’t account for was a failsafe built into the cave walls. As Alex's team removed the last group of refugees a loud crack was heard throughout the cavern. Apparently the hideout was rigged to collapse if no living dominator biological signatures were sensed for a 5 full minutes.
Alex, knew she couldn’t protect the refugees and get herself out so instead she told Cameron, her second in command on this mission, to lead everyone out, she was going to try to turn off the failsafe. It is a testament to her badassery, to her skills, to her squads loyalty, that not a single one of them argued. They were all sure she would be right behind them.She couldn’t bring herself to admit that there was no way she could follow. The dominator tech is so far past anything she could ever imagine, maybe Lena Luthor could figure it out in the 30 seconds she has left, but Alex never could, she isn’t smart enough.
As she gets the all clear from Cameron, she sighs, sinking to the cave floor. When they talk of this moment Kara is always angry, angry that Alex gave up, that as the cave collapsed around her she did nothing to avoid the debris. Angry that in that moment she forgot Kara, forgot that she would do anything, would move heaven and earth to reach Alex, always.
Alex though, she always smiles, because the last thing Alex saw that day, before she blacked out, was a flash of red and large blue eyes. When she awoke hours later her entire body in pain the first thing she did was call for Kara, sighing when her view is suddenly all blonde hair and concerned blue eyes. In that moment Alex knew that she was too far gone, that if she could awaken to those eyes everyday she would try so hard to make it home to her.
They always smile when they remember how Alex reached for Kara that day, pulling close and planting a light kiss to her hairline. How she swore to never leave her, to always come back to her no matter what. How Kara leaned back to stare into Alex’s eyes, tears making tracks down her cheeks, before planting a light kiss on Alex’s temple, her face reddening as she backs away.
They talk of how neither of them is sure who said it first, but that they both mumbled “El Mayarah,” their way of saying “I love you.” How Alex swears that if they were alone, if they were anywhere other than the DEO she would have pulled Kara in again, would have kissed her for the first time since that day in junior high when those two boys saw. When they cornerd Kara, after Alex rushed to class, and called her a freak, an aberration, told her she was corrupting Alex.
Though they both blush when they remember that Alex did kiss her, hours later, after getting the all clear to leave the medbay. Kara laid her down on her couch, as she starts running around Alex’s apartment gathering pillows and ice packs and advil, though she froze when Alex stood. She smirked when Kara ran over to her, whispering that ‘Alex should lie down, should rest.’
Kara always fidgets when she remembers how Alex tugged her in by her waist and kissed her softly, sweetly, lovingly. She swears she didn’t float, that she is just that tall and Alex was to hurt to remember correctly.
They always smile when they think of how long they stayed up talking that night. How they fell asleep on Alex’s couch, Kara wrapped around her like a blanket. How they took the next day off to learn how to be together, in this new way, this way that neither of them thought they would get.
There have been so many times over the years where they have laid together remembering the moments in their lives. Each moment that brought them closer, each moment that lead them to each other's arms time and time again. Days where they are hurt and broken and all they have is the others arms. Days where they are high on adrenaline and joy and fall into each other, limbs tangled together like they are children again, taking comfort in one another's presence.
But today, Kara is reminiscing alone, Alex’s limp broken body in her arms as she whispers all their stories to her. Flying faster than she has ever flown before because if she wasn’t fast enough to prevent it, she is determined to be fast enough to save her.
It was a battle, one that shouldn’t have been as difficult as it was but Kara was distracted. Her mind full of the plans she and Alex had to tell the superfam about them. They had been fretting about it for months, unsure how long they can sneak around behind their best friends backs. Maggie knows Alex has found someone, it’s written all over her face, and Lena is annoyed that Kara is hiding things again, especially after she finally came clean about the Supergirl secret.
As Kara flies faster, angry that this threat was so far from the DEO, angry that she can’t risk breaking the sound barrier with Alex, already so broken, in her arms. So she flies faster, tears falling from her face she thinks of the moment they never reminisce together. The moment Alex walked away from Kara, seemingly forever.
It was Allex’s last night in Midvale before her last semester of med school. They had spent the day together, doing all their favorite things, excited about the fact that Alex was one semester away from becoming a doctor.
They decided to take a break from walking the boardwalk, grabbing coldstone, Alex was amused at how Kara can crave ice cream even in winter. They settled in at the shop discussing their plans for after this semester. As Kara devours her chocolate sundae Alex pokes at hers, trying to think of a way to break the news.
As Kara launches into another story of her previous semester, how she is loving her journalism master's program even more than her undergrads, Alex decides it’s now or never. “I am not coming back to Midvale after this semester,” she says at a rush, quickly stuffing a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth to avoid repeating.
Kara stared at Alex for a solid minute, the spoonful she was about to eat dropping back into the cup. “What?” she adjusts her glasses, glaring at Alex as she avoids her eyes. “What do you mean you aren’t coming back? What happened to “El Mayarah means Alex and Kara, always?” she stands slowly, her eyes still full of anger at ALex’s silence, “Well, aren’t you going say anything?”
“You’re sorry? Alex where are you going to go?”
“I don’t know, but I can’t come back here, I can’t deal with being here anymore, there’s too many memories, to much pain.” her voice trails off as they both think of the memories they’ve made.
“And what about me? Am I supposed to just stay here, away from you, do you know how hard it is to see you leave for a few months, let alone forever. I-I’ll follow you” Kara’s voice is like steel, yet so full of a conviction only she can express, it makes Alex’s heart hurt.
“Kara,” she whispers, her voice heavy with pain. “Kara you have to finish your masters, and I need to do this alone.” she finally looks up, her heart skipping a beat at the tears in those blue eyes, eyes that have always made her weak.
“So you’re just going to leave me here,” she narrows her eyes more, the normally clear sky blue of her eyes turning icy, “alone?”
The way her voice breaks on that alone shatters Alex, she is intimately aware of just how alone Kara feels. They have spent years talking about how alone she feels, how lost she is. But Alex has to make this choice, has to do what’s best for them, because Kara doesn’t know. She doesn’t know about the drinking, and the drugs, and the men, she doesn’t know that Alex might not even finish this semester, that she barely made it through the prior one. Alex is going to fall, she is destined to fall and Kara can’t catch her, not without being dragged down as well, and Alex would rather die than ruin the only bright thing left in her life.
“Kara,” she stares up at the blonde, tears filling her hazel eyes at the hurt she sees there, “I’m-”
“No, don’t you dare say you're sorry, not when you don’t mean it,” She snarls, grabbing her jacket, “See you at home I guess,” she whispers before exiting the shop, Alex catching a glimpse of tears as she exits.
The next day Alex headed back to national city, tears in her eyes as she hugs Kara, a whispered goodbye the only comfort she can give.
Kara always said nothing hurt more than watching Alex leave that day, knowing that they would be in the same city for a few months but unable, unwilling, to see each other. She was sure Alex simply didn’t want her anymore, not that they had spoken about their desire, their need, to be near each other in years.
Alex always countered that nothing she ever did was harder than being in national city that semester, knowing that Kara was so close but not able to go to her. She knew she walked away, how could she come crawling back, not when she knew how much she hurt Kara, and especially not when she was screwing herself up worse than ever before. They had only discussed Alex’s “dark days,” Kara’s term, once before, and that discussion took weeks of prompting from Kara for Alex to open up. But when she finally did it lead to Alex sobbing in Kara’s arms for hours, shuddering at the thoughts of how far she fell. Hours of Kara soothing her, whispering that she isn’t a disappointment, isn’t an abomination, isn’t a failure.
Kara dried her tears that day. Telling Alex that even when she walked away Kara knew she would return. Alex looked up ut her, grasping her tightly and whispering, “I don’t know why I thought I could stay away from you.” She rested her head on Kara’s shoulder, whispering, “El Mayarah, Alex and Kara. Aways.”
As Kara lands at the DEO, Alex clenched to her chest, she whispers, just like she did that night, that she loves Alex, she will always love Alex.
She runs to the medbay, shaking at how still Alex is, her ears straining to hear her heart. She sighs when she hears it, weak but there, and she knows, knows that Alex will come back to her, she always comes back to her.
Passing Alex off to the DEO doctors she sinks to the floor outside of the ER, listening to Alex’s heart the entire time. She shudders every time she hears words like, “crashing,” “critical” and “hemorrhaging,” though she trusts the doctors will save Alex, she refuses to believe this is how their story ends.
She sit’s on the floor for hours, crying until she no longer has tears. Not acknowledging anyone, aside from accepting the water Lena offers with dead eyes. She has never felt like this, in all the times Alex has been in danger she has never been hurt this badly, has never spent this long in surgery, her heart has never stopped beating this many times.
It’s hours later when the doctors exit the ER, their scrubs splattered with Alex’s blood, as Kara stands quickly, rushing over to the head surgeon. “How is she?” she whispers, searching her face for any hints of Alex’s condition.
“She is in a coma,” she mutters avoiding Kara’s eyes, everyone in the DEO knows how close they are, how much they need each other, no one wants to be the one to tell Kara that Alex might never wake up. “You can go see her if-”
She rushes past the surgeon, not caring for the end of the sentence, she needs to see Alex, to confirm that she is breathing. She enters the room, gasping at the view of her protector, her soulmate, the only person she can be herself around connected to breathing tubes. It’s not the first time Alex has been broken, but hearing how labored her breaths are around the tubes, how weak her heartbeat is, it’s almost more than she can take. She never thought anything could hurt more than the day Alex walked away from her, not until now.
Letting out a quiet sob she grasps Alex’s hand, whispering into her hairline and dropping a kiss she mutters, “El Mayarah, Kara and Alex, always.”
It’s been over two weeks and Alex is still in her coma, Kara has only left her side when Lena and J’onn force her to shower, or eat, or sleep. As she stares at Alex’s limp form she cries, “We have so many more moments to make Alex so please, please wake up!” sobbing into the shoulder of the only person who has ever understood her, who loved her when no one else cared enough to, the only person she would go to hell and back for.
“Alex you have to wake up, I don’t know what I would do without you, I don’t know who I am without you. I have loved you since the moment Clark dropped me on your doorstep, you can’t leave me here alone.” her tears falling on Alex’s face. Taking a deep breath and placing a light kiss to her lips she whispers, “Alex, please, just open your eyes, El Mayarah, Alex!” she yells crying harder, her voice dropping back to a whisper, “El Mayarah Alex, Alex and Kara, always.”
She stares willing her eyes to open, grasping her hand she whispers, “You promised.”