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Hornblower: The Unauthorised Musical

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Track 6: Laudanum is to the tune of He’s Hurting Me by Maria Mena [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZMCS4ssxLQ].

[BUCKLAND]
We cannot go on waiting for your judgement.
[BUSH]
We don’t have the time to play these games.
[ARCHIE]
You must oblige us with a formal statement.
[HORATIO]
Don’t damn us all to save his name.

[SAWYER]
All have turned against me, all are traitors.
And doctor, even you aid the betrayers.
Have I not served alongside you these long years?
And yet you turn your back on me.

[CLIVE]
The captain is a legend and a hero.
How can you dogs not understand?
And yet you dare to think you could fill his shoes.
You’re just boys playing at command.

[HORATIO]
Doctor, not a moment can be wasted.
[SAWYER]
Is not a man on this ship to be trusted?
[ARCHIE]
We need you to declare the captain unfit.
[SAWYER]
Oh doctor, my dear friend, you must help me!

[BUSH]
See reason!
[SAWYER] [to Clive]
Make them listen!
[oh-oh-oh]
[CLIVE]
Take command then – see if I care!
[HORATIO]
We cannot, without your-
[oohing; exit Clive]
[HORATIO] [spoken]
without your statement.

[HORATIO[
If Clive won’t play along we must subvert him.
[BUSH]
If we do he’ll make sure we are doomed.
[ARCHIE]
I don’t see that we have another option.
[BUCKLAND]
Well then, that is what we must do.

-

Track 7 is to the tune of Cut Off Their Thumbs #1 by The Mountain Goats. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UysLQn6QQk8]. Horatio and Buckland find themselves in court, trying to justify their usurping the captain. The song ends with no conclusion having been reached, but it being clear that the judges are out for blood and certain to get it. I kind of like the idea of Bush narrating this, on his sick-bed in the foreground, temporarily blessed with Narrator Magic in order to explain what the hell is going on despite being too ill to actually attend the trial.
-
“The air is hot and still, grim-faced sailors line the pews.
Two lieutenants try and explain what they had to do.
The captain has been shot and two men lie bandaged in bed.
Before the week is out they’re going to have somebody’s head.”
-
Track 8, Closing Number / The Goodbye is a medley-mashup-mess of the other songs that have come before with new / slightly new lyrics. [Which I ttttttotally didn’t rip off from Hamilton. //sweats] Horatio visits the boyfriend in the sickbay. The lighting is straddling the border between warm and dingy. Horatio fully expects to be hanged tomorrow, so he’s doing the tearful goodbye thing, and Archie fully expects to get in the way of that plan tomorrow, so he’s also doing the tearful goodbye thing. And it’s just fantastic and horrible. It’s possible that Archie actually tips his hand confession-wise to Horatio, appealing to the “I’m going to die anyway so I might as well die for both of us” line of argument. In that case… Well. The scene becomes rather grimmer and more depressing.
-
[ARCHIE] [to the tune of “The Mob Song”]
‘S not about right or wrong,
They just want a man to hang;
A scapegoat who can carry all the blame.
-
Right at the end, Horatio returns alone to his cell and miserably reprises Run Away With Me, once again lit tastefully by moonlight. One can imagine that he’s constructing a Cunning Plan, but nothing is made explicit.
-
[HORATIO]
On land we are so fragile
On land the admirals spoil for their kill
And all I want is you and the sea
Won’t you run away with me?