She winced as she moved her left arm. The bruises were fresh, something she’d never expected to see on her own skin.
He had grabbed her.
He had threatened her.
She knew she was terrible before. She knew part of this was her fault. She knew.
It didn’t stop the pain.
It didn’t stop her heart from shattering for what felt like the millionth time.
She had abused him before, too, but not like this. She was more of an emotional abuser. She knew what she had and she was scared to lose it. She spent a half year cutting him down. Making him feel like he could only have her. In the end, it only cost her everything.
He cheated and she felt everything crash down around her.
She had worked so hard to keep him, but he slipped right through. He didn't tell her right away.
It hurt even more when she found out.
She left after almost a year. She couldn't take it anymore, he was too much. She couldn't handle him, she needed her space.
When he finally needed his, she lost her mind.
She begged for weeks.
He gave in.
He had changed when she came back. He was cold.
He said he loved her, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
Slowly, ever so slowly, the world turned upside down for her. At first, it was just a slight remark.
Then he asked her to stop taking photos. "No more, he said. You’re just whoring yourself out for the internet."
She didn’t understand- when they had first gotten together, it was ok. It was fine. He even stood up for her ability to do so. Why was he controlling her like this now?
He was controlling her, she realized.
And she let him.
She knew she was the reason that he was hurting. She knew there were other reasons, too, but she knew she was one of them.
So she let him.
But then he grabbed her. He grabbed her so hard and she begged him to stop.
“Shut the fuck up or I’ll hit you.”
She stills. Quiets.
Did he really just say that?
Was this him?
She doesn’t know anymore. She doesn’t know anything anymore. She loves him, but she doesn’t know if he really loves her.
But she doesn’t leave. She stays. Because this is all her fault, anyways.
He tells her he loves her.
She says she loves him too, but it doesn't reach her eyes.