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The Office of Muggle-worthy excuses

Chapter Text

“Guys, it seems as if the Ministry need our help again,” Josh called, slitting open the envelope in front of him.  The intern for the quiet PR firm was reading through the letter he had just unclipped from the owl that he had just opened from the Ministry.


“Ugh, again?  What is it this time?  Escaped hippogriff?  Any dementors on the loose?  Somebody over there managed to find their ass without needing a roadmap?” CJ deadpanned.  CJ was a mid-level member of staff at the ‘Image Consulting Firm’ and had been for years.


“No, there was a flying car spotted, and we have to come up with some random excuse now,” Josh rolled his eyes, and he finished reading the letter.  Reaching forward he pressed a button on his desk, calling all of the various staff into a large conference room.


Scurrying into the large conference room, Josh busied himself preparing a round of coffees for the staff before they came in for a meeting.  Humming under his breath as he did so, Josh knew that some of the staff were probably wondering why he was in such a strange mood.  In all honesty, he had been at a family event the previous night, was it any wonder that he was a little stressed when he had been asked all night why he wasn’t in a relationship?


Was it any of his nosy Great-Aunt’s business that he wasn’t in a committed relationship?


Nosy old biddy.


“Whoa, whoa, what’s wrong?  What happened?” Toby asked as he strolled into the conference room.  As always, Josh wondered if the man were on some kind of drugs.


“I don’t even know; there’s been a strange sighting over the skies of London, is this for real?” Donna read aloud, having snatched the letter from the spluttering Josh with a wink.


“Does the letter mention just what the thing spotted in the skies above London was?” Sam spoke as he bounced into the rooms.


Half the staff stealthily rolled their eyes; they were all a little exasperated by the large amounts of enthusiasm the man normally showed.  Normally the rest of the staff could handle Sam, not when he was at his most hyper it would seem!


“Yeah, it says it was car –“ CJ began as she crumpled up the letter in her hand before she threw the letter down in disgust.


“Woah wait a car!  A CAR!  I’ve heard about those things; I didn’t think that those things flew!  Donna did you know they could fly?” Sam was practically bouncing around in some of his glee as he thought back on some of his wasted time in the Muggle Studies classroom at Hogwarts.


“Uh, not usually sir, what kind of car was it?” Donna bit out, trying once again not to shout at her overly exuberant boss.


“It was a light blue Ford Anglia 105E Deluxe; the initial report was filed by some people who worked for an uh” Josh squinted “a 1st Gear company, I think that’s what it says.”


“Guess they were petrol heads then huh!” Donna laughed.


“You know, I think I recognise that, I’d better ring Weasley over at the Ministry, you guys know what to do, right?” CJ called over her shoulders as she dashed from the room.

Chapter Text

“Bit of a quiet day huh?” Josh mumbled as he stretched out his arms behind his head.

He had been sitting at work, quiet as he sat at his desk. Josh was right though; it had been a bit of oddly quiet day. It would seem as if nobody within the Wizarding World had done anything monumentally stupid that day. At least not to the point where their firm had had to step in. Leaning forward at his desk, as he ducked from CJ’s outstretched hand.

“Quiet, you complete dumbass, don’t jinx us. Is it too much to ask that I have a quiet day at work?” CJ moaned, she had read her book too long, she didn’t regret it, not even for a second, but what she did wish was that she had been able to drink a bit more coffee.

Why did some of her co-workers not understand that she needed an additional cup of coffee to get her going in the morning?

“It would seem as if you are bound and determined to jinx us all, let’s just hope that nothing will happen.” Emily yawned, trying to mediate between her two arguing co-workers.

“I am not trying to jinx us just making a remark” Josh tried to protest, knowing that pissing off his co-workers was not a smart thing for the young intern to do.

“Ugh, you spoke too soon Josh, it seems as if something has happened that will need our immediate attention” Sam bounded into the office, showing he had been listening in. He dropped a bit of crumpled up parchment on the table in front of CJ.

“What now, is it genuinely too much to ask for us to have a quiet day!?!” CJ cried out in exasperation.

“It seems that that’s too much to ask. There was a sighting of bright lights over the shore of southern England?” Donna read over the parchment, her eyes darting over the neatly spaced words on the piece of parchment in front of her.

“Wait, bright lights? Could we simply ignore that and if anyone asks say it was fireworks? It’s close enough to Guy Fawkes night that it won’t be questioned about fireworks, that’s good right?” Toby asked as he listened to the information, his mind was whirling through some of the answers.

“No, the bright lights started around mid-day when the sun was at its brightest. We couldn’t cover that up no matter how skilled our spin was.” CJ sighed as she read through some more of the letter.

“We are going to have to ring through to one of the press officers for the BBC to try and cover up for this. Should we try to find out what happened in the first place?” Seth spoke, it was his first month on the job, so the staff was more willing to give him a chance to find his feet.

“No, we are going to go straight for the press to try and cover this up before it becomes a runaway train.” CJ sighed running his hand through her hair.

“Right, I’d better ring my cousin Huw Edwards, see if we can’t quash this story before it gets any traction.” Toby nodded before he left the large bullpen, making his way into his office.

Before he took a seat at the desk, he pulled his mobile out of his pocket and began flicking through the contacts. Lifting the phone to his ear, he listened to the dial tone and began to speak as soon as the phone was picked up on the other end.

“Hi Huw, listen, the lights over the Southern Counties of England, yeah I’m going to need you to say that it was fireworks okay?” Toby began.

Chapter Text

It was a quiet Monday in the office when an almighty bang was heard.  Gazing around the office, Josh could see that it looked like Sam had walked into the plate glass door again.  When would that man get a clue that the place he was working at was surrounded by a large amount of glass?  He already knew that William, the caretaker of the company took a great amount of pleasure in how clean he kept the place.


Sam, shook his head and ran in clutching a piece of notepaper above his head.  CJ knew that she shouldn’t allow herself to become so jaded over the antics her fellow staff members showed.  Curse her if you wanted, but CJ knew that she probably wouldn’t find the antics of Sam so frustrating if it weren't a sleepy Monday morning.  CJ knew that she probably should have taken the first Monday off work after the wedding of one of her cousins. 


Her mother would probably start pestering her even more to find a man to tie down.


It was either that or get married.  Her mother could be so confusing at times.


For now, though, it seemed like work was calling.  And who was she to deny such a calling?


“Guys, we have another call, was there trouble in the North of England last night?” Sam excitedly cried.


“I haven’t heard anything, what happened?” Emily asked, a calculating look entering her eyes.


“Let me read that” Donna snatched the note out of Sam’s hands and summarised “it seems as if there were more people in the Greater Manchester area just seeming to freeze up for no apparent reason.  Were there any teams of Auror’s up there?”


“I’ve just spoken to Shacklebolt, it seems that there were raids up there, how do you want to play this out?” Seth asked sliding the desk phone back into its cradle.


“Do they not realise that even though they can just blast their problems out of the way, we have to spin our wheels to try and cover up their tracks?  Does subtly mean nothing to those people over at the Ministry?” Toby ranted, in a rare showing of emotion.


“They probably weren’t taught by Professor Snape sir, do we start by chewing out the Auror department or do we start trying to come up with excuses?” Seth replied, running a tired hand through his hair.


Toby lazily waved his wand and one of the whiteboards at the side of the room, cleared off all writing.  Reaching for one of the dry-erase markers he began making marks on the whiteboard, before turning back to the staff behind him.


“If there’s any nearby oil drilling or military installations, we could blame the events on them?” Willow offered her suggestions


“No, we can’t blame the ineptitude of the Wizarding World on Muggle institutions, it just takes one curious person.” CJ sighed.


“What if we claim it was a part of some hip new dancing craze?  There was a sort of Dancing illness that hit mainland Europe in the medieval times, so it’s not without precedent?” Donna asked, thinking back on some of her old history lessons.


“That’s good, ring Huw Toby, we’ll get a press release drafted” Sam nodded throwing out instructions and not looking back from the whiteboard to see if they were being followed.  He knew his strange staff would follow his instructions.

Chapter Text

Taking a large sip of coffee and growling at anyone who attempted to separate her from her coffee. She felt satisfied in knowing that if it came to it, she could defend her coffee cup with extreme prejudice. Right now, she felt as if she needed the caffeine, her co-workers probably all needed coffee. CJ just knew if she asked around for anyone else who wanted coffee and got up to make coffee, someone would take her cup with the glorious hot bean water.

If you wanted to take her cup of coffee, you would have to pry it out of her cold, dead hands!

For now, though she looked over at Donna as the woman was hanging up on the phone. It would probably be yet more work. Don’t get CJ wrong, she loved her work, but now it seemed as if the work was never-ending. If CJ wanted to constantly be pressed against the grindstone, she would have gone into politics.

Too bad the Wizarding World was incredibly backwards and sexist, it would be incredibly difficult for her to gain a foothold within the Ministry, never mind the fact that nobody knew what her ancestry was.

For now, though, it seemed as if there were still more fires to put out.

“It seems as if the Dementors have escaped, and are bringing down the mood of the country.” Donna sighed as she hung up on the phone.

“Okay, well is there anything we can do to make sure that the Ministry can do anything?” Sam archly asked as he came bounding in.

“Sir, I haven’t spoken to anyone yet over at the Ministry, but I suspect that some of the employees over at the Ministry have had their hands tied. Not least by Fudge who refused for so long to increase the budget for hiring new Aurors. He might have increased the Budget now, but the department is now effectively playing catch-up and try to get back onto a war footing.” Josh explained, he still wasn’t sure what exactly would happen if the situation was allowed to play out.

“Right, that’s not good, Bones is still the leader of that department, isn’t she? Emily get on the phone to the woman and make sure that she is doing something. Seth ring through to Scrimgeour, the man, might seem to be a bit of a hardass, but right now he doesn’t seem to have any reason to lie about what he has seen and his actions. CJ ring through to Kingsley and see what he has to say. I’ll ring through to Umbridge and see if she has anything to say, ugh wish me luck, I hate dealing with that woman.” Toby instructed some of his staff.

“For now, though, Josh, issue a report that claims knowledge of what is happening, and link it through to some issue in the news that might be bringing people’s moods down,” Sam told Josh what to do

“What should I blame it on sir?” Josh questioned, wanting more than ever to get his job right.

“I don’t know, blame it on the football, blame it on global warming. Anything you need to do, we just need to keep this story locked down!” Sam started to throw out suggestions.

“On it Sir” Josh almost saluted as he reached for the phone, ready to issue a lot of thick and flowery language to confuse people.

Chapter Text

“Okay, so how can we make sure that our press releases are getting out?” Derek asked, still unsure about some of what his new job would entail.

“It’s simple, isn’t it? We have to make sure that none in the Muggle World discover any of our secrets,” Penelope blew her gum before finishing “duh.” with a small snap her gum popped having been blown into a perfectly spherical shape.

“Don’t be so mean, Penelope, what is our role here?” JJ chided her sister before turning her full attention to Seth.

“Thank you. Here we make sure that any of the mishaps that could endanger the secrecy of the Wizarding World are kept hushed up. Our workers here have contacts through to the various departments in the Ministry. At the same time, we have some connections to those within the Press in the Muggle World, so if we need to, we can leak information to those who we deem as needing to know what goes on.” Seth explained before nodding at Spencer.

“Right, but why does a department within Ministry take care of all of this? Wouldn’t it make more sense for them to be concerned about their own messes?” Spencer questioned, looking a little frazzled with all of the new information he was taking on.

“You’d think, no our owners turned this Firm private, but we do frequently work hand in hand with the Ministry.” Donna had joined them as Seth tried to work his way through some of the questions.

“Wouldn’t that make it slightly inefficient with us not being able to get our marching orders directly from the source?” Spencer pressed.

“You’d think, but the current state of Muggle Education that passes as acceptable in Hogwarts is in a word shameful. It’s easier if we do it here if needs be we can pass outside the normal chain of command” Toby remarked, his hair already messed up “that doesn’t mean that the Ministry won’t occasionally lean on us. Especially when it comes to community service, but nothing you need to worry about, for now, we’ve got it covered.”

Seth winced thinking of what he may have missed while he was showing the new staff members around. He did wonder what his boss might be hinting at, considering that Toby was rapidly losing some of his hair, it was a wonder what served to stress him out even more.

He just hoped that it wouldn’t be that bad.

Slim hope of that though he knew.

Chapter Text

“This is troubling, do we have anything held in the reserves that we can use to try and wipe this issue from people’s minds?” Toby asked, concerned as he read through some of his notes.

“Strangely, we haven’t had to deal with issues such as people being pushed out windows before Sir.” CJ sarcastically retorted, she was also struggling to deal with what they had just been asked to cover up.

“What kind of psycho pushes someone out a window, just to see what could happen? Tell me you guys see how that doesn’t make any sense?” Willow asked, her nerves already beginning to fray, the more she learned about the action of the Wizarding World, the more exasperated she felt herself happening.

“Unfortunately, that’s just the way the Wizarding World works; people hope that their children will also have magic and become fixated on pushing the magic out. It’s hard to get rid of because so many families don’t want a Squib in their family.” Derek explained quietly.

“But what’s so terrible about being a Squib? What even is a Squib?” Spencer asked, frowning in his confusion, he genuinely didn’t completely understand the stigma attached to having a Squib in their family. What he didn’t notice at that point was William was coming in cleaning up through the office.

“The belief within some of the old-fashioned Wizarding Families is that a Squib comes from a family with a weaker grasp of magic. There are families that believe that having a Squib within the family is a sign of weakness and a higher power punishing them. It’s depressing, I’m a Squib, and I was hidden away from the common view. At the same time, I wasn’t allowed to go after any form of Muggle Qualifications so that I could build a life for myself in the Muggle World. This was because of a woeful lack of communication and education within the families of the Wizarding World.” William explained while he leaned against his large floor brush, crossing his arms across his chest.

“What? You didn't give any chance to go after muggle education and then qualifications, do you think you could function in the Muggle World?” Donna asked startling the group, who jumped once they remembered that the woman was still in the room.

“I could go to a small degree, but I’ve been working here for so long, even as the janitor, I’ve still been exposed to both worlds. For the moment though, I’ve been going after a degree in Journalism and Broadcasting. The Wizarding World acts as a bit of a cult and keeps anyone from being able to step away. This needs to change before it becomes too late.”

“Okay, but did anyone see the child being thrown from the window, is that a common thing?” Willow asked, she still wasn’t sure about the practices of the Wizarding World.

“It seems so, but what is troubling me, is that we may have to reach out to Child Protective Services, can we see where the trouble may be coming from?” CJ called out.

“Alright, fair enough, how are the Wizarding Authorities dealing with this?” Sam mused.

“So far, they’ve gone a little overboard on the Oblivation spells, is there anything we can do?” CJ reported.

“At the moment, we can simply whisper in the ears of some of the people within the government, but we can’t automatically change anything.”

Chapter Text

Toby was sat in his office room, staring at the page in front of him. The information on the page wasn’t the kind of information he liked to read. Taking out a handkerchief (it would seem that some old habits would die hard) to mop up some of the sweat already gathering at his brow. Frowning when he thought that before he had started at the Firm, he had a full head of hair, it would see that under the stress of constantly having to come up with a new series of excuses of whatever small calamity the Wizarding World was facing was taking his toll.

He had also learned from working side by side with Muggle-Borns, that his genetics could also face some of the blame. Goodness knew that a good number of the men on both sides of his family had receding hairlines (if they even had any hair that was). Still, at least he carried it off with grace and aplomb. Could you blame him for looking like he was born to be bald?

Today at least looked like it was going to give him a bit more stress. He knew he should brief the owners of their firm (the husband and wife pairing), but for right now, he felt too cowardly to do so. Why did he feel so nervous about it? He knew that Abby at least would become irate at the thought of children being mistreated.

Making his way from his office, he entered into the large bullpen, where he could hear a great commotion going on. Pausing briefly, as he closed his eyes, for a moment to simply gather himself and his strength. Snapping his eyes open again, when he heard some of what was happening, he took a step forward into the centre of the bullpen.

“OKAY, WHAT’S GOING ON?” Toby whistled calling attention to himself, instantly quietening the room around him.

“It’s Scotland, Sir, we’ve had reports of more quite frankly bizarre behaviour in the skies over the Highlands,” Josh explained to his boss. He noted his boss was looking completely frazzled and bemused as he watched his workers.

“UGH, AGAIN? Is Hogwarts near some military installation or airport or something, that makes people notice the air above Hogwarts? I thought that place was supposed to be layered with so many different spells that meant Muggles couldn't ever come near discovery of the Magical World?” Toby sighed, beginning to gear up for a new rant.

“Yeah, you’d think, but it seems that if the spells were cast a few millennia lose their potency, normally the headmasters are supposed to top on the spells. But in the case of Albus too many names Dumbledore doesn’t. I don’t think he doesn’t do it because he can’t because he has become arrogant and complacent in his abilities and the downfall and bloody shortsightedness of Muggles.” Sam answered supplying Toby with some of the answers.

“Alright, well we have to discuss this, CJ can you handle this? Seaborn my office NOW” Toby cried.

Chapter Text

It was a quiet day at work when CJ as always when she found herself with not a lot of work to complete at work. Gazing over at Toby’s office she found herself briefly wondering what might have happened lately to make the man even more stressed. She did think that the man may have recently lost a pet or something. She did think it was worth her while making a few discreet inquiries with the man’s secretary Jessica. If anyone knew what was going on with the incredibly stressed man, it was likely that the man, then his secretary would know what was going on. CJ privately thought that if anyone knew what was going on with the man, then it was bound to be man’s secretary (who she thought Toby had possibly become a little overdependent on Jessica).

CJ was sat at her desk peering over at the door to the small staff room that both Toby and Sam had both disappeared through into. She was silently wondering to herself what the two men had been intently discussing. The only reason she knew the two men had been discussing something was that she had walked slowly past the staff room when she arrived at the office.

Taking another gulp of her hot coffee and gasping when she accidentally inhaled a large portion of her drink when Nick gestured her over to the office. Holding up one finger, to forestall Nick’s growing irritation with her, she did wonder if it was by accident or design that the two men had sectaries who were completely unlike them in every way imaginable. She steadied out her breathing, before pushing back from her desk, when she had unfolded to her great height, she made her way over to the staff room, her coffee mug still in hand.

Smiling, at the man, she pushed open the door and stepped through the door. She stood for a second, soaking up the sudden ratcheted tension in the small room.

“Can I help you gents?” CJ asked, only able to guess at what situation she had just walked into.

“Yeah, it’s that issue from a few days ago, we’re still trying to agree how we should handle the issue,” Toby stretched out, running a hand through his shortened hair.

“We can’t agree on whether or not we should Ms Bartlett about the issue, what do you think we should do CJ?” Sam asked, his shirt sleeves already rolled up to just past his elbows.

“We should probably let her know, in case she decides to grace us with an unexpected visit, at least get our ducks in a row. Do we know what kind of protection there exists for magical children at present?” CJ offered, looking between the two stressed men.

“At the moment there isn’t anything. If you have magical heritage, then yes the Ministry takes an incredibly dim view of anyone mistreating you. But if you don’t have a magical heritage, then it could be very difficult to get their interest in anything real.” Sam offered, waving his hands in the air.

“Alright, and what about the overzealous families who try to push magic out of their children?” CJ questioned, simply wanting to get to the bottom of things.

“At the moment, no but we should try and get something through on that, for now, it’s simply swept under the carpet under the umbrella boogeyman of a Squib on the family tree. Ms Bartlett will probably ask us about that, but I don’t see her coming in for a while.” Sam reasoned before the trio were interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Excuse me, but Ms Bartlett is on her way in, just thought I’d let you guys know.” Jessica had her head stuck in the office as she made her small announcement about who was about to show up.

Chapter Text

Josh was sat at his desk; he was well aware that as an intern he should be attempting to catch up on more work. Or at the very least he should be attempting to help out some of the upper staff during some of his internship. Right now, he honestly wasn’t sure what he should be doing. He had watched as some of the senior staff had been huddled in the staff room, since shortly after he had come into work that morning.

Currently, it seemed as if there was little work to be done around the office. He could see one of his fellow interns, Donna perched atop Nick’s desk trying to get any further information from the man. He did wonder to himself if it was even possible that the woman would get any information from the normally grumpy man. Goodness even knew if the man would even share any information, or anything at all, she wondered if she could get anything out of the silent and almost creepily taciturn man. He also wondered briefly to himself if the woman would consider sharing with him any of the information she learned.

Whatever it was, Josh’s attention was suddenly diverted when the door to the office was abruptly blasted open. Clambering to his feet at the sudden noise, he felt his head swivelling between peering in the window of the staff room and looking over at the incensed figure making her way into the office.

“Peons, why did I read in a clinical report about some of the social miscarriages of justice this firm has been carrying out? Why did none of you think to even report to me?” Abby demanded answers to her questions.

“Look, I’m so sorry Ma’am, Sir, the people here should know better than this, can I interest you in any hot beverages while you are here?” Barney trailed after the two laughing in a high-pitched faux tone as he clutched a tea kettle to his chest.

“Not now, Abby darling, this is why they didn’t tell us what was going on, they didn’t want you to cause a fuss. I’m sure they have everything handled. You have everything handled, you with the ginger hair right? It was John, right?” Jed tried to calm down his wife while pointing his hand at Josh.

“Uh, no sir, I’m Josh, but you can call me John if you want, I really don’t mind, no I don’t mind at all.” Josh squeaked out.

“Sir, so far we haven’t found any evidence or proof that the Wizarding World has any sort of system in place to protect children with.” Toby thankfully rescued a blustering Josh. It was sort of impressive how much the kid’s red face could clash with his hair.

“And we’ll get right on that, won’t we dear? We can sort out some sort of system where children are protected. Leave the employees to their work, right now we don’t need to contend ourselves with them.” Jed tried to soothe.

After a while Seth watched with a raised eyebrow as Abby was pulled out of the office, with Jeb still soothing meaningless platitudes in her ears.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the King has left the building.” CJ announced with a groan as she lightly prodded at the fallen figure of Josh with the toe of her stylish work shoes.

Chapter Text

Emily hurried through the office, a letter clutched in her hand. She was already starting to panic a little. Emily realised that she should have realised that even though the office had been a little quiet the past few days, nothing was set to last forever. It seemed as if the Wizarding World was never designed to be quiet for too long; there was no rest for the wicked it seems.

After reading the letter, Emily had realised that it seemed as if the problems were always coming. Even if, you know they sometimes went a bit quiet for a few days at a time. Right now, it felt like the problems were starting back up.

Shaking her head as she pulled the door towards her, Emily hurried through to the bullpen.

“Okay, guys we have another problem, it seems as if our problems are about to start up again. There was a dragon spotted flying over Northern Ireland, we’ve already started to get questions.” Emily’s voice was beginning to rise at the end of her question. Her stress is leaking through to even what she wasn’t saying.

“Well you can never say that this job is boring, I guess. What can we do about this?” Seth mused.

“How do you even begin to cover up a dragon sighting? Was it at night? Oh, please say it was on a Full Moon, I’ve read about people exhibiting signs of strange behaviour around the Full Moon whether or not there’s lycanthropy to blame?” Donna asked excitement in her voice, at finally having something to work towards, no matter how crazy it was.

“That’s right, I’ve also read some accounts of people coming into hospital A&Es during a Full Moon. This was on the side of the Mundane World, so we know that it isn’t likely to be connected to lycanthropy.” JJ mused, sharing with the others some of the information that she had previously only read about.

“I’ve read those same things, but I wasn’t sure if they were true, it’s more likely something to do with a person’s belief on the gravitational effect of the tides, or some other such rot, but it does bear looking into,” Spencer muttered.

“Wait, Northern Ireland? Could we blame it on filming scenes for Game of Thrones there? I know that the dragon’s in that show are CGI and not real, but wouldn’t it be less expensive for us to blame any sightings on the shootings for a new series?” Willow asked, the painfully obvious question for everyone.

“Oh, are they starting to shoot another series, the last thing I heard was that they were getting the cast in for the next set of table reads?” Penelope was getting all excited.

“As far as I know, at the moment it’s the only table reads with shooting probably scheduled for a little later in the year. I’ve been stalking Instagram accounts, and I’ve spotted a few of them in the background.” Willow was practically bouncing up and down in her excitement.

“Don’t they do the dragon sequences up near the beaches at Mussenden Temple now? Isn’t someone just as likely to look into it?” Jessica brought the small group back down to Earth with a bang as she threw water over the other women’s excitement.

“Ladies, right now it doesn’t matter, we can use the excuse of shooting happening up there for now. Sam, get in contact with Charlie Weasley, see if he has anything to say, in the meantime, just put out the story that’s it simply filming. Josh, reach out to the liason contact at HBO and stress how important it is that they don’t automatically quash this story.” Toby directed the group.

Chapter Text

Roy had arrived into work the following day, still not completely understand some of the new problems facing the Firm. He had been endlessly proud when he had finally gotten the job working at the Firm. He might have received his Hogwarts letter a great many years ago, almost twenty years ago now, but he still found some parts of Wizarding culture fascinating to look at. One of his best friends might be a Pure-Blood (or whatever term you might wish to use), but he still found himself shocked by some of the things he came across on an almost daily basis.

Roy had found it to be endlessly difficult to find gainful employment once he had left Hogwarts. It would seem as if his blood status would hold him back, whether it be the complete and utter assholes that he had gone to school with. Those assholes had held his blood status against him, harbouring resentment towards him for not having the right (or wrong depending on how you looked at it) family name or an impressive lineage. Roy thought to himself that it was incredibly likely that even if he were a certified genius, the one thing that he couldn’t control, would hold him back.

It was completely frustrating that at the same time because as Roy would sometimes confide in his friend, he had perhaps sensed a gulf opening between him and his family. A gulf that he was slightly ashamed to admit, he honestly wasn’t sure how to bridge that widening gulf while he was still in school. He did sometimes wish that he had known how to cross that gulf, but it wasn’t important.

The relationship was still damaged to this day.

Looking over at his friend Moss as he tried to wake himself up for the days ahead. Moss was his best friend; he had been able to explain to some of the frankly bizarre idiosyncrasy the Wizarding World. Some of the things that he had come across, even just encoded into people’s behaviour. At the same time, Moss’ upbringing lent him a certain amount of healthy curiosity about the Mundane World. In return, Roy was able to explain some of the history and some of the many cultures within the Mundane world.

Between the two men, Jen was able to explain some of the cultures on both sides. The men sometimes joked of the woman as being their translator. Jen was able to explain to bridge some of the gaps between the two men. Between the two men, she was able to further some of their understanding. She was well able to attempt to bridge some of the gaps because she was half-blood and therefore had her feet in both types of civilisations.

Moss’ family had been accused of being Blood Traitors for so long, they weren’t considered to be excellent company in polite society. At least, if polite society could be considered to be the ones who for so long had been interested in exterminating anybody without Magical heritage.

Chapter Text

“Okay, people HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? WHY DID NO ONE CATCH THIS?” Toby roared slamming a piece of newspaper onto the desk in front of him. The majority of the staff in the workroom jumped at the sudden noise cutting through the complete stillness of the room before.

“Excuse me Sir, but what do you mean?” CJ tried for caution, unsure about what her boss was attempting to drive at.

“THIS! How did none of us catch the fact that Black had been imprisoned without a trial? How did no one think to look into him?” Toby shouted back, gesticulating wildly, his arms waving above his head.

“Okay, Toby just breathe, now explain what’s wrong?” Sam tried to caution his colleague; he could already see that some of the interns at the Firm were beginning to get a little nervous at one of their bosses’ show of emotions. Sam knew that the other man’s temper could be a little unnerving to those that weren’t used to it.

“I mean THIS Seaborn! How did no one catch onto the very fact that Black DID NOT GET A GODFORSAKEN TRIAL, IS THERE NOT A CONSTITUTION HERE TO PROTECT AGAINST JUST SUCH A THING!” Toby was still roaring.

“No sir, at least not in the same sense that America has one. In Britain at least, we don’t have a set Constitution per say, but more rather a series of laws and legal precedents granting rights to the citizens.” Jess piped up, trying to calm down her boss.

“Do we have the power to call for public inquiries, I want to get to the bottom of this matter?” Toby asked, wanting to know what steps his Firm could take.

“It seems like you lot can’t but I can. This Firm may be a Privately-traded company, but I can raise some of the questions at the meeting I’m going to with some the elements of the Ministry.” Jed unexpectedly spoke up, making some of the junior staff jumps up, they hadn’t seen the man coming into the office.

“Would you like to take anyone with you to the meeting Sir?” Donna asked the man, wondering if she would be asked to go along with her boss.

“I shall be taking Mrs Landingham, but it is kind of you to offer Kerry,” Jed spoke turning away from Donna. As he did so, he missed Donna rolling her eyes.

“It’s Donna Sir” Donna muttered, not quietly enough however because Jed heard the woman as he was pulling on his jacket. Whirling around on the woman he asked.

“Are you sure that it’s Donna and not Karen or Kerry? You don’t look like a Donna to me, how can you be sure that you’re called Donna? Do you have a piece of official paper with your name on it?”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure that Donna is my name, Sir, as always.” Donna smiled at her boss, unable to hold consternation towards the man for too long. Even if he always seemed to wind her up by calling her the wrong name.

“MRS LANDINGHAM!” Jed roared marching out of the office.

Chapter Text

CJ scanned the small letter once again, as she felt her stomach fall through to her feet. It seemed as if the stupidity was never-ending.

“Okay people, we seem to have called for YET another instance of general stupidity, let’s get started here. What have you heard so far Donna?” CJ called out to the young intern.

“So far, we’ve got reports of a possible sighting of a captured Centaur, but I haven’t been able to confirm that yet.” Donna sounded stressed about whatever and whoever she had previously been talking to on the desk phone.

“Okay, so have you been able to make any headway in finding out if this is a real sighting. Emily, you need to run down these leads and acoordinate with whoever you need to contact over at the Ministry.” CJ instructed not even wanting to slow down her thought process.

“I haven’t been able to find out anything but should I get into contact with Amos Diggory? He works within the Dangerous Creatures office at the Ministry doesn’t he?” Emily explained looking down at the notepad she had scrawled some notes on.

“Yes, I’m not sure if he works in conjunction with Centaur, he might be more on the House Elf department. Seth try and work out what condition the Centaur was in. If it was mistreated in any way, I want to know before we come up with anything to manage this situation” CJ ran a hand through her hair as she gave out more instructions.

“Okay, I just got off the phone with one of the Rights groups, they claim that the Centaur may have been confused. I haven’t heard anything yet about whether or not the Centaur ever lived free or was always brought up in captivity.” Toby declared making his way into the room.

“Alright, I have been able to get into contact with Amos Diggory, he tells me that so far there isn’t any process we can follow to cover up this incident. At the moment there isn’t any of process beyond simply obliviating anybody who might have spotted the Centaur, or anything that might not be able to be forgotten about.” Emily explained.

“Alright, can we blame it on any form of excuse?” Sam asked, being stood with her arms across his chest.

“Sir, we have used the ole CGI excuse before, I don’t think that it would be too much of a hardship for us to dust it off and use it again?” Josh asked, having pushed himself back from his desk.

“Yes, use that one. That way we just have to make sure that the Dangerous Creatures Department at the Ministry takes the Centaur under their protection, at least until it can be released. On the plus side, we won’t need to send out wizards to obliviate, we can also laugh off any footage of said creature as the work of an overzealous film student.” CJ nodded her head.

“Right away CJ” Emily nodded before the phone back towards her, ready to make the call.

In the corner of the room, Josh was going through some of his contacts lists, trying to work out who he should get in contact with.

Chapter Text

“Has anything else stupid happened overnight?” CJ asked, trying to sweep back her hair. She hadn’t slept the night greatly before; she probably hadn’t got an incredibly good sleep since she had started working at the Firm. The Firm was constantly dealing with yet more and more stupid scenarios that the Wizarding Community had gotten themselves into. These scenarios only seemed to open up because of the Wizarding Community because they didn’t have an education and respect for Mundane culture.

Still, CJ knew that it was allowing her the opportunity for her to pull a paycheque.

At this point, CJ idly wondered if she would ever be able to sleep again. At least without waking up in tears whether it be from laughter or frustration. For her sleep was but a beautiful dream that she could barely remember.

“Not too much, it seems as if there were bright lights spotted above Scotland,” Derek replied, putting down the paper he had been reading from.

“Bright lights? That could easily be brushed off as a sighting of The Northern Lights, was there anything to deny that it was the Northern Lights?” CJ tiredly asked.

“Other than the lights, it was a cloudy night, so even if it was genuinely the Northern Lights. It seems very unlikely that it was the Northern Lights” Roy answered for Derek, glancing over at the man standing behind his desk.

“Can we blame the Lights on fireworks from some nearby raucous students or teenagers?” CJ asked not sure why this was being discussed.

“Normally we would say yes, but we aren’t sure if we can pass it off so easily, you see it’s exam season. So, in theory, if it were fireworks or the like, the students would probably be tucked inside studying, no?” Moss piped up, thinking through some of the easiest problems to tackle.

“Normally I would say yes, but don’t forget that students need to blow off the stresses of the exams” CJ shot back thoughtfully.

“Ha ha! I’ve got it; we can say that it was bored students, trying to simply blow off some steam. Goodness knows I did it all the time!” Jen sheepishly laughed, as she ruefully thought back on some of her more inadvisable adventures during some of her university years.

“That’s good, although maybe you should talk to someone about that Barber!” CJ laughed before continuing “Good, now we don’t need to worry about whether or not we should send out any Obliviators. Is there anything else that we need to worry about?”

“Not at the moment, Ms Cregg it seems like it might be a quiet morning for us.” Penelope mused.

“Don’t jinx us, Ms Garcia!” Sam warned as he made his way though the room to the staff members in the small bullpen.

“Right, get on the phone to the papers Derek, we need to make sure that we get ahead of this story. At least it’s not a big one. And for goodness sake, Ms Garcia don’t jinx us again.” CJ commanded her ‘troops’ as she sipped from a large mug of coffee clutched in her hands as she prepared herself to start the days work.

Chapter Text

“Alright, so what have we got people today?” Toby asked the staff as he made his way into the office after a quiet weekend. There were some things about the average workweek that was even more stressful for him, especially when he realised that the constant stupidity of the Wizarding World meant that he would never be out of work.

“Not yet, but there were some of the usual problems, in Wales this time though, which is strange because there aren’t normally problems with potential sights of the Wizarding Community in Wales,” Josh told the man, musing on the Welsh.

“You’re right; it seems as if the Welsh are a bit more sensible about not getting caught, or at least if they are, Torchwood is willing to step up with any excuse to try and excuse them from the mistake that they have just made. Though it almost definitely seems as if the Welsh are more sensible.” Toby mused.

“Right, probably more sensible than the English Wizards and Witches, who just seem to forget their heads and do really stupid things that we constantly have to cover up,” CJ grumbled having dashed into the office, just behind Toby.

“You’re right, but what happened in Wales?” Toby fought out behind a large yawn. It was too early in the week for him to be this tired. Maybe he should start to think about going on another holiday?

“There was a dragon sighting; we can’t rely on Torchwood, they’re dealing with some things internally. So, we can’t rely on them to cover for us.” Emily pointed out looking irritated and oddly interested in the information that she was imparting.

“Isn’t there a Dragon Sanctuary in Wales that we can contact to find out if it was a genuine Dragon sighting?” Seth asked.

“Yes, there is one, okay, Donna contact somebody, ugh do we even have any contacts at that particular Dragon Sanctuary? Josh liaise with the Ministry and work out how you want them to handle this particular problem. Toby brings JJ up to speed on how we are going to handle this. I can speak to Derek and see if he has ideas.” Sam told his staff what tasks he wanted them to perform that day.

The staff around them nodded at him, as they all split as they scurried to perform their tasks. No doubt it was going to be a long day at work. At least it would always be a long day when large creatures were involved. At least they were if they couldn’t blame the film industry.

As always, it was the workers at the staff rushed to follow their instructions. They knew that it might be about to become a long day, but that was okay because as long as they knew what to do over the course of the day, then they knew that they would get through this day.

Surveying the small room once again, Jess realised that she probably looked like a proud general surveying her troops. Or at least something similar to that, for she was aware that some of her snarky cousins would probably make insinuations that she was simply a secretary and therefore she didn’t have any power over the people in their office. She, however, knew that this office would probably grind to a halt if her and Nick weren’t there to ensure that everyone was running as it should be.

“Excuse me Sir, but you have another phone call with Ms Bartlet lined up, would you like to take it in your office?”

Chapter Text

“This all seems like an epic mess, what are we going to do now?” Jed’s voice suddenly broke the quiet in Toby’s office.

Toby jumped up, startled, he hadn’t seen or even heard his boss entering the office, he realised that he must have been even more fixated on the page in front of him. The page had been documenting some of the struggles and troubles that the Firm was having. Rubbing his eyes, he looked up at his boss guiltily wondering if he should throw in the towel so to speak and go back to sleep.

“Hello Sir, I didn’t know you were coming in, Jess didn’t say anything, can I get you any water or coffee or tea?” Toby asked flustered.

“A cuppa tea wouldn’t go amiss, but I’m in because none of the issues that I raised with the Ministry, I’m wondering if you have any idea what the next steps should be?” Jed asked.

Toby leaned forward in his seat, and pressed a button on the large telephone console in front of him, directing Jess to come in with some tea. Thinking about his instructions, he also asked for Sam and CJ to be called in. Peering at the man in front of him, he considered the words he was about to speak before he opened up his mouth and spoke evenly.

“Sir, we have been considering this matter greatly, we think that it would be best to approach it from a legal perspective. We came to this conclusion after speaking with your business manager Mr Stinson.”

A knock at the door interrupted the two men, “ENTER” Toby barked, making Jed jump in surprise when Toby shouted aloud.

“Hello Sir, I’ve been speaking to a lawyer who is well versed in both worlds. Mr Stinson put me into contact with a lawyer that he knows quite well. The lawyer, a Mr Eriksen who is well versed with the law on both sides of the divide, he told us that we would find it difficult to change anything. After all, we are simply a PR firm. It will be difficult, but I think we can do it.” CJ spoke, rubbing at her chin with some caution, evident in her movements.

“Sir, I’ve also been speaking to Mr Eriksen and his wife, such a friendly woman, but he’s right, we do need to change some things, that’s where you come in Sir.” Sam happily spoke.

“Whoa, what do you mean you need Abbey and my help for, you have it of course, but why do you need my help?” Jed exclaimed asking Sam the question that had suddenly occurred to him.

“Sir, I have spoken to Lily as well, that’s Marshall’s wife, the lawyer, she pointed out that if we want to make sure that we can change things, then we might want to consider getting Ms Bartlet involved seriously. If nothing else she can use her medical background, to convince the Ministry that things need to change.” CJ explained for her friend.

“Alright, I’ll talk to Abbey, I’ll get her to read some of the reports but she will, I have no doubt want to get involved in this.” Jed calmly spoked, already making a mental note to speak to his wife when he got home. Or at least to tell Mrs Landingham to remind him.

“That would be good, thank you, Sir, in the meantime, we will keep working here,” CJ spoke before she was interrupted by a knock on the door. Stifling a groan, she looked over at the door.

“Excuse me, but Sam, CJ you’re needed out here, there has been even more stupidity happening.” Nick stuck his head in through the door, drawing the staff to come out of the office

Chapter Text

Abbey was sitting in CJ’s office; the woman had popped out of the office to allow Jed to give Abbey the information. Abbey couldn’t remember ever being more unimpressed with the Wizarding World and after the whole fiasco in her second year at Hogwarts. At least she had met Jed out of that whole mess.

For now, though, she was more focused on reading the paper in front of her, her eyebrows inching further and further up her face. She found herself becoming more and more shocked. She did wonder how the Wizarding World managed to function for so long. Setting the small pile of pages down, she briefly closed her eyes, while her mind tried to sort through some of the things she had just read.

“So, is this true?” Abbey asked, her voice cutting through the silence in the office.

“Yes dear it seems like it might be true, we are having some difficulties –“ Jed started to try and explain.

“Quiet Jed dear, now what part are you are having difficulties dealing with?” Abbey impatiently silenced her beloved husband.

“Right now, we have been having a lot of trouble trying to work out how exactly we should approach the Ministry. We are still a PR Firm for crying out loud; nobody knows we exist! Do you have any ideas, Mrs Bartlet?” Toby tried to cut in, softening some of the ire towards Jed Bartlet. Unfortunately, this served a bit of a double standard and drew some of Abbey’s ire towards him.

“Right now, we are having a bit of difficulty trying to work out we should deal with some of the issues and problems, for example, we can’t work out if we should go directly to the top and approach Fudge. Or if we should subtly approach Hopkirk and see if we can work this out from the ground up.” Sam explained trying to keep some of the calm within the office.

“Okay, if we can work out if we should involve lawyers, then I had a meeting with a Mr Eriksen who has been able to sketch out some plans for us. Do you have any thoughts too about how we should we handle this Ms Bartlet?” CJ asked, trying to drive the meeting back on track.

“I want to speak to this lawyer, Marshall I assume? Do we have any further plans for how we can move on this?” Abbey spoke, her frustration leaking into her tone.

“We weren’t sure if you would want to speak directly to Mr Eriksen, but I’m still not sure how we should proceed? We will, however, need to find some more information on how we move on this.” Sam offered.

“Right, but why are talking like we are in a bad mafia film? I don’t care if I have to throw my weight around, but all I care about is that this matter is handled. Have you got that?” Abbey warned the staff, looking around with warning clear in her eyes.

At this point, the staff were interrupted by a knock on the door, Nick leaned his head in and spoke

“Excuse me, but there have been reports of Flobberworms found in Mundane supermarkets.”

The staff groaned and made their way from the office ready to face the challenges of another office day.

Chapter Text

“Okay, what is going on here? What has happened?” CJ tiredly asked as she came out of her office.

“Well, do you remember that a few of the major supermarket chains were getting in trouble because they were putting horsemeat in the premade lasagnes?” Spencer rhetorically asked.

“Get to the point Reid, what is your point?” CJ asked already becoming irritated with the man’s nervous pandering.

“Well, Miss it seems as if they’re back at it again. They’ve found what they think is some mealworms in their spaghetti” JJ continued for Spencer.

“I still don’t see how that’s a problem, don’t some cultures eat things like worms and consider them a delicacy?” CJ asked, still not entirely able to see what the problem was.

“They are, but they weren’t standard mealworms found,” Leslie spoke, nervously wringing her hands.

“I dread to ask, but what were they?” CJ sighed trying to remember her calm.

“They were uh Flobberworms Miss” Andy happily spoke.

“It’s slightly funny if you think about it.” April laughed.

“It’s not bloody funny this thing could blow up knowledge of the Wizarding World!” CJ spat becoming more and more irritated with the whole thing.

“Is there even a department at the Ministry that we can contact to see how we should go about containing this issue. Do we even contact Arthur Weasley, is he the one we go to regarding this?” Sam theorised.

“Alright, we’re going to have to handle this somehow. Derek sees if you can find out who we should contact in regards to this. Emily, co-ordinate with Derek, and see if you can find some way for us to move forward on this.” CJ directed the workers.

“That’s good, but Jen I want you to work out if there is some way we can handle this, can we quietly bring back all of the instant spaghetti?” Toby commanded pointing at the young red-headed woman.

“I’ve looked into with Barber, and so far I haven’t been able to find anything, it was included with some packets of pasta. Sire, we aren’t sure yet how this happened, would you like us to look into the matter?” Moss covered for his nervous friend.

Toby peered at the worker, his mind running through some of the work that he wanted the workers to get through. He still found it hard to believe some of the things that he would have a deal with on a near-daily basis.

“So far, we’ve been able to find that the spaghetti company works for the same shell corporation that also covers the potion ingredients farm. Is there anyone else you would like me to contact?” Roy asked.

“Yes, contact Professor Snape, see if he can make any inquiries, it’s unlikely, but he might hear you out,” Toby spoke.

“Are you sure, he doesn’t seem like the type of guy that is willing to deal with anything even close to dunderheads, they seem like dunderheads,” Lyor asked.

“He was referring mostly too stupid schoolkids who don’t pay attention when they’re working near dangerous chemicals. As long as you approach him professionally, he might be more willing to work with you.

Chapter Text

Donna was making her way into work, still not quite sure what she was seeing. She could have sworn, she saw Halloween decorations, but it was too early for Halloween decorations, right? Checking through her mental calendar once again, she realised with a small shock that it was indeed Halloween the next week. Ugh, she would have to brave the lines at the supermarkets and buy sweets.

Or at least, she thought she should, at least if knew that even if was home, that she wouldn’t simply hide in some of the back rooms of her house with all the lights in the front of the house turned off. Sometimes she hated kids, especially the ones who thought that they scam her for extra sweets, simply because they were changing masks.

Who knew that scam artists started so young?

She knew that she should start at work and look busy at the very least. Who knew that stupidity could be catching within the Wizarding World? Upon reflection, she should have realised that the Wizarding World would go all in for she was pretty sure was a made-up holiday.

Startled out of her reverie, when she walked into the large bullpen that contained all the workers, there was a lot of chaos going on. She found herself immediately thrown back into work like she had never left the previous day.

“WELL, HOW IN THE NAME OF NORA ARE WE SUPPOSED TO COVER THIS UP?” Toby was roaring, spittle flying from his mouth in his rage.

“Sir, we could always try and ignore the problem and see if it won’t go away if we simply ignore the problem.” Jen was nervously saying as she wrung her hands together apprehensively.

“Ignore the problem? You think the answer to all of our problems is to simply to ignore the problem?!” Sam almost shouted. The man was almost always full of sunshine; it got a little irritating to deal with the man’s always sunny mood.

“Alright, alright, we simply can’t ignore the problem, any suggestions on how we deal with the problem?” CJ tried to mediate between the two men.

“We could always try and spin it that it was a stupid Halloween firework display that got out of hand?” Seth offered. He didn’t realise that his suggestion simply didn’t sound so strong because he had phrased it like a question.

“The sky was turned green; I honestly don’t know how we’re going to spin that?” Roy spat out, becoming irritated with some of the stupidity displayed by the Wizarding community.

“Well, we could always simply put the supposed green sky down to whatever the drugs the supposed teens were smoking.” Derek offered.

“But, we don’t know if any teens spotted the problem now do we?” Penelope calmly refuted.

“We could always lay the blame on the cold nights over the Scottish Highlands; the cold might make people see something that isn’t there.” Willow offered thinking quickly of some of the problems they could reasonably expect to encounter with the excuse.

“We could say, it has only been a few months since the Summer, but could people reasonably buy into that excuse?” CJ wondered aloud.

“At the minute it doesn’t seem like anyone beyond the lunatic conspiracy theory blogs has picked up on these reports. Do we need to give the story any extra oxygen? Especially it no mainstream press has picked up on the issue?” Josh asked, glancing over at his computer.

“He’s right; we should simply issue a quiet retraction and try and shut this story down before it becomes anything bigger. Okay, get on with that Lyman, in the meantime, I’m going to need some more coffee.” CJ declared.

“I’ll get right on that, one sugar or two Ms Cregg?” Donna hurried into action.

Chapter Text

“Okay, I’ve tried it your way, NOW I’M DOING IT MY WAY!” Abbey screamed, she was beginning to get really annoyed with how slow progress was becoming at the firm.


“Look, Mrs Bartlet, we understand that you are getting fed up with the slow progress around here, but we have to make sure that all of our ducks in a row before we start flying off the handle.  Look just give us a few more weeks to try and get things in order before we approach the Wizarding Ministry.” CJ tried to reason with her boss.




“Abbey, darling stop yelling at the workers, maybe you should tell us how to approach this problem?” Jed tried to placate his wife.


“I am going to handle this problem MY way, seems like that’s the only way to handle this mess.” Abbey snorted before she hurriedly left the room.


Jed peered after his wife and motioned to Mike to follow the woman. Mike nodded at the group in the office and left to follow after Abbey.



Abbey marched into the office of Cornelius Fudge, blasting the door open in her rage.


“WHAT DO THINK YOU ARE PLAYING AT?” Abbey roared at the cowering man in front of her.  Her upper lip began to curl as she took in the sight of the pathetic man in front of her.


“Ahh, hmm Mrs Bartlet, I don’t know what you mean, such a nice day outside isn’t it?” Cornelius tried to prevaricate, gazing around him for a way out of the office.


Mike had, of course, followed Abbey into the office and had to fight back a large eye roll.  The weather outside had been the dull, grey days that so often punctuated the Autumn days.  It couldn’t even be described as a nice day because of course, it had been raining outside that morning.  The rain might have abated for now, but disappointingly it looked like it was still preparing to bucket at any second.  It was so typical of an elitist snob like Fudge, still so willing to fall back on the ever-disappointing weather to make small talk.




Mike wondered if it was time for him to give up his Sky Subscription service because it certainly seemed like he would get his entertainment value from his bosses if nowhere else.


Who needed the high jinks of the Kardashian family when you could rely on the antics of your bosses’ to keep you well and truly entertained?


Not Mike it seemed!


“Right away Mrs Bartlet, I’ll get on that right away.” Cornelius tried to placate the woman in front of him.


“URGH, DO BETTER” Abbey screamed, watching in disgust as Cornelius fell in a dead faint.  Throwing the door open in front of her, she felt like nothing had been achieved with her small visit to the Ministry.


Mike followed his boss, with a small curl of amusement pulling at his lips.  Who needed to pay for entertainment when they could simply follow around their boss?  Pausing at the secretary desk, he leaned over and spoke to the woman.


“You ah, you might want to check with your boss.”

Chapter Text

“Okay, people we have had yet more reports of trouble, the thing is though that these reports have taken a while to filter through to us,” Toby called through to workers as he read through one of the pieces of parchment that had been delivered to him this morning.

“How long are we talking here, a few hours, or days or weeks Sir?” Leslie asked, wanting to know what on Earth her boss was talking about.

“It has taken us almost two months to hear about this, but there were reports of loud noises, frightened flocks of animals, unexplained bloody carcasses in the morning,” Toby responded exchanging a dangerous look with CJ.

“Oh, not the whole Werewolves business again, do we need to get covering anything up?” CJ groaned, wondering what kind of power she must have pissed off in a previous life to deserve having to cover up everything stupid in her life.

“No, so far it doesn’t seem as if any humans have been affected. I’ve been speaking to Matt Baker, you know from Countryfile, he says that so far they haven’t been able to spot anything. The carcasses that have been turning up haven’t belonged to any farmers, so at least there’s that.” Toby shrugged, gesturing back to his office, where he had been on the phone.

“Well, that is something I guess. Do we know which Werewolf was responsible?” Donna asked.

“Is it even possible to know which werewolf was responsible, because don’t werewolves, well eh forget what they’ve been doing on the night of a full moon?” Ann asked, nervously rubbing the back of her neck.

“Don’t be stupid Perkins, unless a werewolf has started to shift and is completely comfortable shifting; they won’t remember anything. It’s so obvious DUH!” April spat out, completely annoyed with the woman.

“Well, how am I supposed to know that, I’ve never been interested in studying those disgusting creatures?” Perkins laughed, as she tried to cover up the fact that she was insulted.

“OKAY, FIGHT ON YOUR OWN TIME DAMN IT LADIES!” Sam shouted at the two women, wanting to stop them from bickering.

“Sorry, Mr Seaborn” the two ladies apologised, as they looked shamefacedly down at the floor.

“Okay, we need to make sure that we have a solution to this problem, do we need to call in the Ministry?” Josh asked, worriedly chewing on his bottom lip.

“I don’t know if we can involve the Ministry, some of the more bigoted prats like Umbridge might take the excuse to pass yet more draconian laws.” Toby sighed.

“We can’t let her do that, not when we already have the means to dispense with the problem quietly,” Emily continued “I know I used that word badly, I’m not even what form I can use the word in. I’m so frustrated right now.”

“Settle down there Rhodes, right now, we just have to focus on how we can cover up this knowledge before it hurts someone?” CJ laughed.

“It doesn’t seem like we have any choice, for now, if anyone contacts us, we are simply to laugh it off alright?” Toby told the group, still completely unsure about how he could handle this problem.

“Right and who would believe us about a potential werewolf right? It’s not that can even be considered to be within normal parameters, but if anything else happens, we should keep an eye on it.” Sam explained as he made his way over to his office again ready to come up with yet more excuses if he should need them.

“You heard him, people NOW MOVE!” CJ clapped her hands, as the workers began to scurry to their assigned desks.

Chapter Text

“Okay, people it seems like we have got another problem,” Emily announced as she hurried to make her way into the office. She was waving around a piece of parchment above her head, as she started to pant.

“Okay, slow down, what is it this time? What has happened now?” CJ tiredly asked, wondering if she had enough time to get another cup of coffee. Glancing over at the breakroom, CJ decided that she honestly didn’t think that she could be bothered to get up, even to get herself a cup of what she called – the nectar of the Gods.

“It seems like there have been body parts found on some street in some random city in Wales.” Emily panted, still trying to catch her breath from her mad dash to the office.

“Right and we can’t simply try to cover this up, has there been any talk of serial killers yet?” Sam spoke sleepily coming out of his office.

“It seems like it has started to gear up to that. Sir, this might not be so easily covered up, it looks like we are going to have to go out ourselves.” Penelope worriedly looked at the computer monitor in front of her.

“Okay, well we can’t simply brush this all under the carpet, we might have to go out and deal with this, any suggestions anyone?” Toby called coming into the office after peering around at the peasants that made up the workforce.

“We could probably blame the whole thing on a deranged killer or a criminal of some type running around?” Spencer asked.

“No, we don’t want to cause needless paranoia and suspicion. People should still obviously be careful when they’re out, but we don’t want to create a system of distrust and fear unless we have too.” Seth explained looking concerned.

“It sounds like it’s someone who hasn’t been completely able to apparate, maybe they were a bit drunk or something, when they attempted it, haven’t been able to manage it without leaving behind some body parts.” Willow cut in, looking alarmed at the fact that she had started to speak.

“Okay, we’re going to have to work out how to handle this issue. Any ideas?” Toby directed the employees around him. He wanted some of the workers to be able to start thinking about their work.

“We could see someone out to work and try and claim that it was a Halloween prank gone wrong?” Seth asked, throwing out his suggestion, leaning back and crossed his arms. He was completely aware that he probably looked like he was attempting to defend himself from an attack.

“We could do that, but we would need to make sure that we’re careful how we phrase the issue. Are any of you guys interested in taking on this role?” CJ asked she knew that while she might feel as if she could go out there, but she felt as if she wanted to remain quiet for a time longer.

At that point the staffers looked around, peering at every person, not all of them were completely comfortable with biting the silver bullet and going in front of cameras themselves. They were probably all more comfortable with supplying some of the crazy excuses they could come up with it, than in actually attempting to sell the fruits of their labour.

After a while, JJ put up her right hand, looking nervous as everyone turned to peer at her.

“Okay, JJ you do that, Derek get in contact with Jon Snow, find out if you can get the video spread out that way. Roy contact do the same, contact Huw Edwards. Moss contact Trevor McDonald and see if you can get the news out that way.” Sam directed the staffers, not pausing to see the flurry of movement his pronouncements inspired.

Chapter Text

Kurt stormed into work; he had become incredibly irritated overnight.  For one thing, he was wondering why any kids would come around the apartment block the night before Halloween trick or treating.  No, just leave him alone, he had been too busy over the weekend to pick up any sweets.  Not, that he thought he would give out any sweets to the little termites that came around the apartment block, they didn’t deserve any chocolate.


For one thing, he wasn’t even sure whether or not he recognised some of the kids.  Please don’t come to different places to beg for sweets.


He didn’t care whether or not they knew someone, but don’t come to the place where he has his lair home and beg for sweets.


Just stop it, stop it right now!


Smiling over at Jane, he was well aware that Tasha would probably joke that it was more like a grimace.  The woman had been looking over at Kurt nervously.  He didn’t like to frighten his coworkers needlessly.


Plus the fact that Jane’s brother Roman could be scarily intense and willing to kick anyone who offended his sister’s arse.


Edgar could laugh at him, all he wanted, but Kurt knew that he didn’t want to have to defend himself.


Sue him; he could be lazy at times!


“Ugh, what do we have to deal with today?  Any more stupidity within the Wizarding Community that we need to deal with?” Kurt grumped, running a hand through his short spiky hair.


“Ooh, maybe there’s some a stupid amount of drunken antics that we have to cover up.  Maybe there’s been yet more mysterious lights in the sky above Cornwall?” Roman theorised, sounded as if he was willing to share some of the irritation with Kurt.


At least Roman hadn’t seen Kurt freaking out Jane.


That was the absolute last thing he needed.


“Heh, funny no I guess that there’s a mysterious body that has turned up dead somewhere.” Edgar deadpanned.


“PAH!!  Oh, don’t say that we don’t need any mysterious deaths popping up, not now that there seems to be peace.” Tasha chided, laughing at the man.


“Alright, settle down, settle down, we have some work to be getting on with here,” Sam spoke, leaning up against one of the desks in the bullpen.  A small relieved smile was creeping across his face; maybe they would get their wish and get a quiet Halloween.


Oh, well it seemed like some things were too much to hope for.


Let’s just hope that this particular Halloween wasn’t too stressful.


“It doesn’t seem as if there have been any further troubles that we need to handle, at the very least nothing outside of the normal stupidity that we have to deal with on a nearly regular basis.” Sam sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face tiredly.


“You know I never imagined that the career I was going into, I would be this stressed out AND over the stupidest things.” Roman continued “Were we this dumb when we went to Hogwarts?”


“I’d say you were memory boy!” Edgar laughed at the man.


“Alright, alright settle down there, please don’t fight.  Roman, we both, know we both did some stupid things in our youth.” Jane tried to keep the peace.


It was getting really old, her being forced to keep peace all the time.

Chapter Text

Leslie sighed with relief when she realised that Halloween was over, it might seem Scrooge McDuck of her rather, but the day wound her up at times. In a professional sense, she was completely astounded at the very notion that the Wizarding Community all seemed to completely lose their heads and risk exposure if their antics were picked up. On the one hand, she was eternally pleased that she would be able to have a bit of extra money, with which she could buy Christmas presents.

But it was never worth the loss of her sleep.

Nothing was worth the loss of her sleep.


“We have another problem you guys, sorry about that.” Jen winced as she read through the piece of parchment in her hands.

“Ugh, what is this time. Are there any more sweets guys?” Andy finished beaming as he spoke, a circle of chocolate with his mouth.

“No, you finished the last of them this morning Andy,” April sighed before continuing “what’s the problem this time?”

“It seems as if there have been reports of little children spotted with steam coming out of their ears,” Leslie spoke as she continued to scan over the piece of parchment in her hands.

“That just sounds like a dose of Pepper-Up Potion, how many kids were spotted with the ah smoking ears?” Ben asked, feeling a nervous ball in the pit of his stomach.

“At least 5, and there’s been the talk of the child protective services in the Mundane world getting involved.” Leslie summarised, finally looking up at the piece of parchment.

“Right, well that’s really not good, how can we handle this before the relevant authorities get involved,” Ben spoke as he sucked his teeth.

“We’re going to need to move in with the Oblivation wizards.” Toby sighed.

“You can’t intend to send out those people; they violate people’s minds. There has to be some other solution.” CJ cut in, worried.

“I don’t want to, but this could be dangerous, especially if the Mundane Government begins to involve, it will be hard for us to keep a lid on this situation if it doesn’t if too many people take notice. It could blow a lid on this whole World.” Sam explained as he came to a stop behind Toby.

“Okay, but are you sure about sending in an Oblivation Team? You always talk about those guys being the last-ditch solution for our problems.” Josh pushed the man, wanting to be clear on what his boss wanted.

“I know, but right now we have to be very careful in how we handle this.” Toby groaned.

“So, should we contact the Minister? Just in case we have to go further up the chain of command?” Derek asked, crossing his arms.

“No, we don’t want to needlessly cause a panic, or get so twisted up in that bureaucratic nightmare, there are probably forms of forms.” Toby sighed as he prepared to move back into his office to call the relevant people.

Chapter Text

“Okay, it seems as if we have another problem here.” Donna declared making her way into the office, clutching a piece of notepaper balled up in her hands.

“Ugh, what is it this time?” Sam groaned, his head falling forward into his hands.

“It seems as if some of the Weasley Wizarding Wheezes merchandise has made its way into circulation in the Mundane World.” Donna scanned the small note.

“Ugh, crap, which product was it?” Jen asked, as her mind whirled through some of the products that she could pick up at the WWW shop in Diagon Alley, London. She knew that there were some products there that could potentially be dangerous if they got into general circulation.

“It seems that it was one of the Puking Pastilles, at least one child has been taken to the hospital, suffering from extreme vomiting and dangerous levels of dehydration. The sweet was lost, we’re going to have to work out how we can handle this situation before the Mundane World starts to think it’s dealing with some scary, new viral infection.” CJ declared, having read the note over Donna’s shoulder.

“Right, that’s not good, that is most definitely not good. Can we get any medication to them to ease their sickness, or possibly cure them altogether?” Willow asked frowning, still not sure of how what her next move should be.

“Alright, Josh talks to the Weasley Twins, co-ordinate with Toby on this if you have to. JJ, get the drugs to April and Maggie and make sure that they know to get the drugs to the child. Is there any chance that the child could die?” CJ told the workers surrounding her.

“It could be very dangerous, she needs, to get that little tablet, before it gets much worse. Afterwards, she will need to go on an IV to try and build up the fluids that she lost. I am seriously concerned about the amount of fluid she has lost over the day.” Connor read the file in front of him.

He was frowning down at the file in front. He was so glad not to be magical because, for the most part, he didn’t have to deal with these issues. Except of course, for when he was pulled in and had to read through medical files.

Connor thought sadly that it was supposed to be his day off, he should be catching up on lost sleep.

Goodness knows that he wasn’t fresh out of medical school, he couldn’t keep up with numerous all-nighters on the trot.

Some of the nice pay cheques helped though.

Even if he still had to pay every year to ensure that he could remain on the medical register.

It would be annoying, but every doctor had to continue to pay to remain a licensed doctor, and continue to have the right to practise medicine.

“Okay, well April once you get the drugs, you need to make sure that you get the drugs to the hospital. Maggie get her on an IV system, we need to be able to make sure that this little girl is not seriously harmed or worse due to the negligence practised by the WWW Corporation. Toby work with Josh, don’t be afraid to shout, we need to make sure that they understand what they’ve just done. Donna, work with Abbey and me to make sure we can write up new legislation to make sure that companies keep their products safe.” CJ instructed before disappearing into her office with Donna following at her heels.

Chapter Text

Jess took a breath, she was sorting through some of her correspondence, or more accurate, she was sorting through some of her work notes. It had been a stressful few weeks; she had been working as Toby Ziegler's assistant for so long that she had become strangely immune to the man’s mercurial moods. She felt like she could understand the man a lot better than she could understand some of her co-workers.

Hell, sometimes she felt as if she could understand the man better than she could understand herself. Her friend Cece had told her that it was completely possible that she had focused too much on keeping her boss on an even keel. Which was admittedly a seemingly impossible job some days.

Rising from her position behind her desk, Jess grabbed a handful of the folders and made her way towards Toby’s office. Pausing to knock at the door, she waited until she could hear a voice calling out to her from within the office.

“Hello, Sir I have these files for you, have you got anything else you need me to sort through?” Jess asked the man.

“No, there’s nothing yet, but it seems like we’ve got another problem coming. Have you got the files on the Pygmy Puff that escaped?” Toby sighed, running his hands through his already rapidly thinning hair.

“Isn’t that one of the Weasley Wizarding Wheezes things? Shouldn’t they be more careful about what they do with their merchandise.” Jess laughed, she was still completely amazed at some of the things she had learned about the Wizarding World.

“Yeah, it seems like they have gotten a bit lackadaisical about controlling how widely their merchandise gets out. Is there anything else you want me to look at?” Toby asked, holding his hands out for the files. Jess handed them over and left the office, still feeling amazed at the ineptitude shown some elements of the Wizarding Community that she still found herself in.

Making her way through the office, she made her way over to Nick’s desk.

“Hey, Miller have you got the files on the Pgymy Puffs? Mr Zieglar wants them.” Jess opted to simply demand the files; she still didn’t know how to feel or even how to feel about the man in front of her most days.

“You are kidding me, right Day? There can’t possibly be any more products that have mistakenly gotten into wider circulation throughout the Mundane World. Surely there has to be some limit to the sheer arrogance shown by the whole Wizarding World. Do they honestly not think that just because they don’t mean for things to get out of hand, that they won’t because they will.” Nick started to rant before Jess cut him off.

“I know what you mean; maybe Abbey will find some new hornet’s nest she wants to kick over. Or hey, maybe we’ll all be surprised, and there won’t be any more stupidity.” Jess lightly remonstrated the man.

“HEY! Abbey is our Queen, and we will always want to stand behind her. I’ve got the file here. In the meantime, I want to ring one of the Weasley Twins to try and stress to them that they need to keep a closer eye on their stock, is their number on the phone, Miller?” Sam instructed the man.

“Yes, their number is on your Rolodex, and the file is in your office.” Nick, flipped through some of the files Jess left on his desk, as his boss stood at his desk.

Chapter Text

Donna was humming under her breath as she sat at her desk.  She wasn’t sure why she was currently in the mood that she was in, it wasn’t her birthday, it wasn’t any of her relations’ birthday.  She thought that she couldn’t remember the last time she met up with her family.  Though maybe that was a good thing, that she didn’t have to put up with well-meaning relatives questioning her on why she had not yet had had any kids, or at least settled down.  It was honestly too early for her to settle down she felt, plus the small fact that she was normally incredibly busy (and tired) from her work.


Though maybe now she reflected, that Halloween was over, things would begin to settle down once again.  Watching, though, at some of the commotions that currently surrounded her, she knew that those feelings were about to quashed.  And judging by the look of thunder on Toby’s face, it was to be quashed soon.


“It seems like Hagrid is back to his old tricks again.” Emily sighed, reading the small bit of paper clutched in her hands.


“WHAT IN TARNATION IS HE UP TO THIS TIME?” Toby roared, looking completely fed up with what he had just heard.


“It seems as if he has decided that since his experiments in creating the Blast-Eyed Skrewt went so well.  He should try again.” Seth sarcastically summed up.


“UGH, BECAUSE THAT JUST WENT SO DAMN WELL,” Sam started to shout, making the rest of the staff jump.  They weren’t used to him shouting, it was more likely to be Toby who was shouting.


“Whoa, whoa what’s going on.  What’s happened now to get the two of you shouting about?” CJ came into the large bullpen in the office.


“It’s Hagrid; it seems like he is back at it again.” Emily sighed, still not completely sure how this was her life.


“What has he been up to again?  He hasn’t been illegally breeding again has he?” CJ sighed again, trying to be flippant before she dove into what today’s issue was.


“It seems like it, how did the Blast-Ended Skrewt end?  Did he even get a citation, is that thing even real?  It was a Zygote; I think that’s how you say it.” Jane asked, she still wasn’t sure what her role was here, some of the problems that she faced were completely ludicrous, and if she weren't faced with dealing with these issues it would be borderline hilarious.


“No, he wasn’t even given so much as a slap on the wrist.  We can’t be certain if he bred the animals, but either way, he didn’t have to face any consequences for those actions.  The Wizarding World doesn’t seem to be too big on consequences, does it?” Roman replied, scrunching up his eyes, as he tried to cast his mind back to some of what he could remember hearing and ready during that whole fiasco.


“Not really, I mean think about it like this, why does anybody need to worry about consequences when they can simply wave a wand and clean up the mess they’ve just created.” Edgar shot back, still not completely sure of how he felt about Roman.


“Boys, boys, please don’t fight but Reade’s right, if you can simply clean up stains on the ground, that’s just for example mind you.” Tasha tried to add in her 5 cents, for whatever they worth.


“Okay, shouldn’t that be a thing, I don’t want to get Health and Safety conscious completely, but shouldn’t there be a certain element of common sense?  Shouldn’t he have thought at some point, that it maybe wasn’t the safest thing to bring around such a dangerous creature near school kids?  I know that is not going to be the most popular thing, but shouldn’t someone have asked some questions at some point?” Kurt asked, completely bewildered.


“He probably should have faced at the very least some questions or even recriminations, but he was able to hide behind Dumbledore’s skirts for so long, that it really wouldn’t matter whether or not anyone pursued this matter.” CJ mused.


“Right, but when he was arrested it was because a Hippogriff attacked a rich kid.  But, for now, that’s not our remit, Emily goes up to Hogwarts with Josh, see if you can get any answers.  I want to know if there’s anything we can do to contain this matter.  This isn’t necessarily a priority for us YET because it seems like while it hasn’t come close to grabbing attention in the Mundane World, it could.  Seth starts writing a statement or action plan for us to follow if it should start to break out.” Sam directed the workers are finally silencing the workers and sending them scurrying to his tune.

Chapter Text

“I promise beloved that the workers would love to see you.” Jed cajoled his wife, wanting her to come into the office when nothing pressing was going on.


“But what if they’ve got their hands full or something Jed?  I can’t interrupt them from their work!” Abbey protested smiling at her ridiculous husband.


“Mrs Landingham would have told me if they were busy, she says that they’ve been mostly carrying out administrative duties for a few days.  I promise you they could probably do with a bit of a distraction right now.  Now would you please just trust me and go to the office with me?” Jed tried to reason; he was attempting to reason by using his large puppy dog eyes.


Though Mike thought that the man couldn’t quite pull off the puppy dogs eyes.  It was sweet however to know that the two were so completely in love with one another, that even the most ridiculous tactic like puppy dog eyes could work on one another.


“Alright, we’ll go in, just does Mrs Landingham at least know to expect us?  Are you expecting trouble?  Why is Mike here, not that I don’t love having you with us, but why are you here?” Abbey asked confused.


“Oh darling, I love you so much that I never want to see you in trouble, now is that such a crime?” Jed tried to stifle his grin, but his love for his wife was clearly shining through both his eyes and his words.


Abbey simply rolled her eyes; she had become rather used to this behaviour from her husband.


Mike looked at the two of them and gestured to his two employers to precede him into the room.  Glancing at him suspiciously before he entered the office behind, he was met by a sudden wall of sound.


“WHICH ONE OF YOU TOUCHED MY COFFEE SUPPLY?” CJ roared.  Mike could see that some of the rest of the workers, were standing trying to stop their shoulders from shaking as they tried to contain their mirth from slipping out.


“You are far too addicted to that substance CJ; I did it for your good.” Toby calmly replied he was standing with arms folded across his chest as he peered up at an irate CJ tapping her foot up and down on top of the table.




“CJ, look at you, your shaking and your skin is starting to change colour, don’t you think that you’re blowing this whole thing out of proportion?” Sam calmly asked.


“WHO ASKED YOU?  I AM PERFECTLY HAPPY WITH MY COFFEE CONSUMPTION, IT HASN’T BEEN AFFECTING MY WORK HERE AT ALL” CJ demanded, wanting to know what gave Sam or Toby the right to mess with her little addiction.


“Ms Cregg, why are you standing on the desk, and don’t you think that’s possible that you are blowing this whole thing out of proportion if it devolves into a screaming match if someone does someone so innocent as mess with your coffee supply?” Jed asked pulling everyone’s attention in the office on him and Abbey standing near the doorway.


“JED!  It seems like Ms Cregg has an addiction to caffeine and your words, nor Toby’s actions helping her at the very least.  Now apologise to her, at the very least.  You too, Sam your words probably weren’t that helpful either.” Abbey remonstrated both her husband and Toby along with Sam.


“Sorry CJ.” Toby, Jed and Sam apologise in unison, having hung their heads and peering at the floor with interest.


Mike was right; this work would never be slow and boring!

Chapter Text

“This doesn’t look right, where did you say you found these people again Barney?” Marshall asked reading through the documents in front of him.


“Oh, you know, just through work,” Barney replied absent-minded as he peered down at his phone with an intense gaze.


“And what did you say you worked at, again?” Lily tried to ask, hoping that if her friend were distracted, he would maybe finally tell them how he earned a living.  Judging by his nice apartment, it was most likely a good job.  Either that or there was something he wasn’t telling the small group.


“Nice try Aldrin, you know I won’t tell you where I work, and I most certainly will not fall for your silly tricks.” Barney mocked the woman, raising his head from where he had been staring at the phone clutched in his hands.


“Drats!” Lily childishly cursed, as she stuck her tongue out.  The woman was clearly still in teacher mode.


“Could we go into the firm where you got this from?  Something doesn’t sound right about it?” Marshall had ignored the little byplay between his wife and his friend; he was more interested in reading through the documents and seeing where they led him than in anything else.


“Do you need to dude?” Barney groaned, looking over at his friend with concern swimming in his eyes.  It wasn’t like his friend to get this agitated over anything.  Or at least anything that wasn’t sports related.  Barney still marvelled from time to time how his normally über intelligent friend is losing his mind as soon as sports came into the picture.


“Yeah, some of these details don’t make sense to me.  If I read this document, it looks as if the Wizarding Ministry have long since been aware of a potential for kids to be abused while still waiting for their latent Magical abilities to show up.  There’s a sentence I’d never thought I’d say stone cold sober.  As far as I can tell from reading these legal documents, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of desire in changing that status quo.  I need to get into the office immediately, Lily you up for a field trip?” Marshall summarised the documents he was reading.


“We’ll go in right away, in fact, the two of you grab me and I’ll get us there with a hop, skip and jump!” Barney happily summarised holding up one of his arms.  He was incredibly relieved that Lily for one had happily dropped the subject of where and how he made a living.  Even if now he was going to show them a small portion of just how he made said living.


With a funny twisting motion, the trio appeared at the door through to the office; Barney was happily grinning when they landed because he was used to the feeling of being forced through a tube of toothpaste.  It didn’t look like Lily nor Marshall were handling their abrupt change of venue particularly well, at least if Lily’s being sick in a small office bin was any indication.  Scrunching his nose up, Barney led them the door once Lily’s skin had lost the green tinge.


“CJ, it seems as if we have a problem in here!” Barney called out looking for the tall middle management lady.  Once he spotted her, he pulled a still gawking Lily and Marshall after him.


“Alright, what seems to be the problem?” CJ sighed when the trio arrived in front of her.


“Marshall here was reading through the documents we gave him, and found a mistake, he still hasn’t told me what that mistake is though,” Barney told the woman standing beside her desk.


“Alright, what is it?” Toby drawled having made his way over to the small group.


“It seems as if the Ministry or whoever wrote the original laws promising childcare protections, overlooked a few things.  Is there any way you can lay pressure on whoever it is, to make sure that this problem gets fixed?” Marshall explained, looking nervous at a sudden POPPING noise at the back of the office.


“Come into my office, we can discuss it there.” Toby frowned, directing the man to his office wanting to know what Marshall had found out.

Chapter Text

“Jed, I can’t stand in anymore, we’re going to have to do something,” Abbey spoke loudly, her voice coming dangerously close to a whine.

The staff still in the room where Abbey had decided was the best place to confront her husband, winced as one.

They knew what that tone meant, and they were all collectively thinking the same thing – that it had been good to know Jed while they still could.

“What do you mean dear, what do we have to do?” Jed tried to placate his beloved wife.

Mike’s eyes imperceptibly widened a small fraction as he began to hurriedly glance around the room for an emergency exit he could dive out of at a moment’s notice.

Call him a coward, but he didn’t particularly feel the need to get caught in an explosion of Mount St. Abbey.

“There are still miserable old battle axes like Augusta Longbottom and Algie Longbottom dangling kids out of a window to test whether or not they're magical!” Abbey cried, despairing that she had in a sense been wasting all this time without anything to show for the kids that she feared were still being mistreated.

“Abbey, you know that I can’t solve everyone’s problems.” Jed started.

At this, Josh caught on that Mike was gazing frantically around the room, desperately trying to find an exit. He nudged CJ, who he had been standing next to when the woman looked across the room at Mike. She nudged Sam who caught the attention of Toby and Donna who all tried to find an exit they could shove the rest of the staff towards.

It paid to take precautions when it looked as if your boss might be about to go nuclear, after all.

“Connor, don’t think I can’t see you there looking alarmed, but does it seem as if latent magic could show itself if the child is frightened?” Abbey called on a nervous-looking Connor.

“Um, I’m not a paediatrician Dr Bartlet, just a simple heart surgeon.” Connor tried to duck and cover. He was trying to adopt a false sense of humility, in his intense desire to get Abbey’s attention away from him.

“I’m not a paediatrician either Dr Bartlet, but it does seem as if kids won’t show anything special, especially if they are too frightened too.” Maggie offered, taking sympathy with her colleague.

Behind her, April was nodding.

“Well, you’re a doctor aren’t you? Make an educated guess then. I’m assuming that you didn’t go to medical school simply for the lolz!” Abbey sneered at the man.

“Right well, in that case, I would hazard a guess that what Maggie said is true, I can’t remember ever in my childhood being able to do anything particularly special if I felt stressed or frightened.” Connor’s voice took on a thread of steel as he began to feel more confident in what he was saying.

“It’s true Doctor; I went to medical school because I am a squib and I wanted to try and understand some of the medical backgrounds of why magical parents or grandparents treat their non-magical kids like that.” Natalie tried to speak up and cover for Connor.

“You know it’s fascinating, but sometimes parents want nothing more than their children to be magical, and they can’t handle it when they aren’t. Magical that is. They want nothing more than for some form of magical ability to show itself in their kids because they only want the best for their kids. At least, most parents do, perhaps because they can recognise that they won’t be able to make life any easier for their kids if they aren’t magical.” Sarah mused, trying to calm down the situation.

“Alright, why don’t we go into my office and we can discuss this?” CJ pleaded trying to keep the peace in any way she could.

Chapter Text

“AUGUSTA, WHERE ARE YOU?” Abbey roared when she stepped out into the Longbottom through the Floo in the Longbottom Manor.

“Excuse me? What is the meaning of this? Why are you here? Who the hell are you people?” Mrs Longbottom demanded as she stormed into the Floo room.

“YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT’S ABOUT, YOU OLD BATTLE AXE!” Abbey screeched back at the increasingly irate woman.


“CALL HIM THEN; WE NEED TO TALK TO HIM TOO.” Abbey screeched back; she was beyond incensed with the woman in front of her.


Suddenly a man came running in, folding a cloak round him, looking harried and stressed out.

“Hello, Mr Longbottom, my name is Mike Ritter, this is Dr Abbey Bartlet, we work at The Firm, and you’ve pissed off some very important people.” Mike calmly introduced himself.

Abby spun round to look at the man in some alarm. It was only because she knew her employee so well, that she could the strain beginning to enter the man’s voice.

“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF ALL THIS? WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE HERE IN MY SISTER-IN-LAW’S HOUSE?” Algie roared, a vein was beginning to pulse in his forehead.

“You took in your orphaned grandson, and you made him feel bad, you belittled him, and you made him feel bad because he wasn’t as brave as your grandson. You let your brother-in-law push him out of the window all to test whether or not he was magical. On what planet did you come from to make that was okay?” Abbey calm spoke the rage beginning to come from her in waves.

“WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS, HOW I TREAT MY GRANDSON?” Augusta screamed at the two people in front of her.


She was worried about the man; it wasn’t like the man to get so agitated about anything.



Mike was silently surprised, he honestly thought that the woman had lost her temper long before now. At least, the fact that she had long since raised her voice indicated that the woman had probably lost her temper long before now.


When her peace had been said, Abbey and Mike whirled back into the fire where they disappeared with a sudden roar of flames.

Chapter Text

Donna sighed to herself, why did she continue to get letters like this?  Did she just enjoy cleaning up the messes of the idiotic?  Donna knew enough about herself now, to realise that she liked being able to earn a living, so the questions weren’t going to lend themselves to any helpful epiphanies.


But still, she wondered, why did she find such letters hopeful?


“Okay, we’ve got another problem, there have been reports coming in of Scamanders sparking near Kent,” Donna announced frowning, as she is wondering if what she read was true.


“Was it a wild Scamander?” Emily wearily asked.


“No, it seems as if it was a pet, but we’re going to have to deal with this problem aren’t we?” Josh asked, running a hand through his normally curly, now greasy and lank hair.


“Yeah, it seems that way. First we have to work out who we have to contact in the event of this problem.” Roman measured out his words carefully, glancing over at his beloved sister as he did so.


“Amos Diggory just works in the department, but he isn’t responsible for Scamanders, is he?” Derek asked, frowning.


“No, I think he’s more like an everyman, one size fits all kind of guy in that department.  Do you want me to ring through to the Department and see who I can find to scream at?” Penelope responded.


“Yeah, do that, we’re going to need to yell at someone about not keeping those things pets!” CJ screamed, becoming rapidly annoyed with people think they could own animals.


CJ’s upbringing by her veterinarian parents had taught her that every animal should be respected.  Even right down, to the simple house pet right up to the large humpback whales that populated the blue oceans.


“It wouldn’t be Hagrid would it?” Jane doubtfully asked, unsure about what her role in this mess was to be.


“No, Kent is too far south of the Scottish Highlands for any animals to wander this far down, is there a trader or anything that we know of that far south?” Spencer wondered aloud.


“Not that we know of, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything, we can’t claim to know everything.” Reade put forward.


“Maybe we can’t, but there are rumours that there’s a department within the Ministry that deals with creatures that have escaped.  Should we attempt to contact them?” Zapata spoke, considering some of the things she had heard in one of the bars on Knockturn alley the night before.


“It’s true, I’ve heard the same rumours, but we still don’t know who is heading up this department and whether or not it’s an ah efficient department.” Toby came into the room, sneaking up behind his employees.


“Okay, get on the horn to someone over at the Ministry, we need to get this situation handled.  Has anyone within the Mundane Press picked up on the loose fire spitting lizard?” CJ asked peeved that her morning coffee routine had been disturbed.


“Uh, not yet, it seems as if someone has picked up on the lizard, but thankfully it seems as if it was only a couple of stoner kids, so it doesn’t seem as if anyone is likely to believe them.” Seth scanned the file in front of him.


“Right, that’s good, but we still need something to put out just in case questions get asked.  Questions that we don’t want to be asked.” Sam mused, his mind whirling through some of the things he was started questioning.


“We could always say that it was simply a matter of confused teens, maybe spin some yarn about them possibly stumbling across filming work.” JJ offered, idly scratching at the back of her head.


“Put that out, we might be able to settle this matter before it gets too big, but Josh I want some contacts on this matter.  Garcia, see if you can reach out to any groups that are filming not just in Kent, but in Southern England.  Maybe we can come up with some way to handle this mess.” Toby ordered, before storming from the room.

Chapter Text

“Okay, people meeting in the conference room now!” Jess was calling out looking completely harried as she tried to chivvy her boss into the conference room.

CJ looked over at Toby, frowning when she saw that the man looked stressed out, she wondered what had happened in the meeting. Toby was many things, but he didn’t like to get needlessly stressed. CJ frowned when she realised that it must have been about something big. All she knew, was that she would more than likely begin to get stressed.

“Okay, that meeting was not the best meeting I have ever attended. Alright, so we’re a PR firm that the Ministry contracts out to and they sometimes they like to us extra work.” Toby started.

“Because it’s not as if we have enough work to worry about,” Kurt muttered louder than he had intended, at least if the fact that his face had pinkened up indicated this.

“HA!” Roman gave a cold, high-pitched laugh.

“They want us to take on a few of the former Death Eaters, see if we can finish up with their being reformed into decent model citizens.” Toby frowned, running a tired hand through his hair.

“You know me, I’m the last person to say anything negative about anyone,” Sam started.

“Yet, it so often happens.” Josh was heard to mutter.

“those people were part of the DE group, heck most of them are probably part of the old xenophobic and afraid of any change, but can we trust them actually to change? To not do anything nefarious or dangerous towards us while they are here?” Sam continued.

“Will their magic be bound or anything while they are working here?” Willow asked, frowning as she considered whether or not her safety was in danger if these guys came into her work.

“Nothing as inhumane as that, but their magic use will be monitored, I have been informed that if they should use any magic against us, then Aurors will be automatically called out,” Toby answered.

“Can we count on the Aurors coming out though? You know that their budget is terrible, and can we count on the fact that they may be corrupt.” Edgar asked.

“It would seem that under the Ministry before this war could have these troubles, but at least now it seems as if Interim Minister Shacklebolt if currently working to clear up some of the issues. Or at least cut back on some of the issues of corruption.” Spencer theorised thinking through some of the things he had been reading in the newspaper.

“Hi, sorry I’m late but can we get anyone in to physically protect us while they’re here?” Lyor asked flitting in the room and planting himself at the back of the room.

“I’ve been speaking to Mr Barlet and Dr Bartlet, while they are, Mike will be planted in the office. If you would like, we can begin to reach out to find more bodyguards for the office, would you like me to start that ball in motion?” Toby asked.

This was one of the things that he showed his colours as a good boss – he cared about his workers, to the point where he didn’t want to push his workers to do anything that they weren’t comfortable doing.

“It doesn’t seem like Death Eaters would be physically fit and prone to violence, but I know that I for one would feel better if there was someone there who could do something if we should start to feel threatened,” Derek spoke evenly as if he was reading from a file.

“Do it. I don’t want us to be put in a position where we have to decide what we want to do next.” Jen spoke, her voice carrying as she settled the matter calmly.

Chapter Text

“Okay, people it has happened again, battle stations!” Seth jokingly called out to the people in the office.

“Ugh, what is it this time? Rogue Hippogriff? Another heart-stopping sighting of a dragon? There comes a time when this job begins to seem a little ridiculous.” Jen sighed.

“No, call in the senior partners on this one, it’s important. We’re going to need all hands on deck to handle this one.” Seth muttered worriedly.

“What? But there aren’t that many situations where we can’t handle what’s going on, what is it?” Nick asked he wasn’t sure what could make him want to disturb his boss unless he had too.

“Trust me; you’re going to want to call them in for this. It’s Inferi Miller, creatures of the dead that have started walking around.” Lyor warned Nick, having snatched the bit of paper from Seth’s numb hands.

“Okay, one what he said, two OW that stings Boone, the papercuts man.” Seth backed up Lyor.

“So, why don’t we just shoot them in the head, that’s what we did in Georgia to handle the problem?” Cece muttered shrugging.

“Uh, Cece you are aware that while The Walking Dead is a good television show and comic, it’s not real. You know that right?” Jess tried, looking worriedly over at her friend.

“Who says? This is the magical world; anything could happen!” Cece protested.

“Moving on, we have bigger things to worry about, bigger that Daryl Dixon is wandering about with a crossbow.” Emily spoke before continuing “Did you call Toby in Nick; we are going to need all hands on to deck here. Or at least a lot of them.” She finished by muttering.

“Yes, I’m here now what made you lot decide to disturb my first weekend off in a long, long time?” Toby growled as he came in barging into the office.

His general bearing at that particular moment warned any of the staff looking at him not to mess with him. It would probably be bad, especially considering that Toby genuinely didn’t get enough time off work to decompress.

“There has been a possibility of a sighting of a dead person, up near Newcastle Sir, so far the report doesn’t seem to have been forwarded to the Ministry yet. Do we tell them?” Garcia calmly told the man what the situation was.

CJ traded anxious looks with Toby, she was still old enough to remember the devastation caused by the First Wizarding War, and then the subsequent Second Wizarding War.

“We need to get a handle on this situation immediately, Sam, work with Reid to find out if it was an actual inferi. Donna get someone high up within the Auror Department on the phone for me. We don’t need to start a mass panic now, that’s the absolute last thing we need.” CJ directed, looking over her staff ready to issue her orders and of course watching those orders be followed.

“Right away, Ms Cregg. You don’t think it could be another Dark Wizard getting his jollies from freaking people out?” Spencer asked, frowning and wondering how far he could go if he were suddenly confronted with the sight of a dead relative trying to take a bite out of his living flesh.

“It could be that someone wants to cause pandemonium however they can, and if them showing people images of their deceased Granny stumbling towards them, could go so far as to protect their loved ones if they had too?” Derek thought aloud.

“We can’t worry about that now, Donna how’s looking in there?” CJ called out, once again trying to stop herself from panicking.

“I’ve got Auror Shacklebolt on the line for you; he hasn’t heard anything about it,” Donna called over to CJ her hand blocking the sound of the office.

Chapter Text

“Okay, so this is your desk, don’t rise from it unless we call you into action, do you understand that Mr Malfoy?” Josh pointed to the desk, directing the younger Malfoy man.

He could now understand where his cousin was coming from, at least when she mentioned that the kid had quickly the nickname (and the rather dubious) honour of being compared to a ferret. He did share some characteristics, and Josh was sure that if you squinted, he might look a little like a ferret.

“I don’t get why we were sent into this place; it’s not as if the Muggles would notice anything about magic unless it danced in front of them while wearing a bright tutu and lime green feather boa. What even if the purposed of this place?” Pansy whined, her voice was disturbingly high-pitched.

Donna privately reckoned that the woman assumed this was how children spoke. It was bloody irritating; Donna reflected that she only needed a migraine like she needed a hole in the head. Was it too late for her to come down with a sudden and unexplained bug?

Sadly, it probably was. Oh well, we all had to put up with things we didn’t like to earn a paycheque from time to time! Call it a learning experience.

“You would be surprised at the amount we have to cover up; Muggles are a lot more observant than you realise Ms Parkinson.” Tasha quietly warned.

“Yeah right, they never notice the Knight Bus, do they? Just send in the Oblivation Squad, no muss, no fuss.” Stan Shunpike shrugged.

“Oh, you would be surprised at a number of times we are called out because of sightings of a large, physically impossible bus out tearing up rubber,” Garcia spoke with a low tone of superiority creeping through her voice.

“Do you even have an idea how simple it would be for Muggles to wipe out vast portions of the Magical Community with a single payload?” Roman quietly asked.

He didn’t have to say that he was calculating just what kind of weapon would be used. It was clear in his tone, to those who knew him.

“Quit it you guys, none of us wants to be here, but we are here, and I intend to learn all that I can.” Theo Nott warned the people he had been lumped in with.

Roy was looking over at Roman, trying to work out if he should be frightened at Roman’s words. Shrugging to himself and making a mental note to mention to Sarah that he was worried about the man’s current mental status. Comments like the one he had just made were a little more than simply frightening.

“That’s enough Roman, for now, we all want nothing more than to get on with our work, deal? Please don’t antagonise the people.” Jane sighed, she honestly wasn’t sure sometimes why she still hung around with her brother.

“Can we all please stop arguing, I just want to get this day over and done with?” Leslie groaned.

“Something you want to watch babe?” Ben asked his wife.

“Yeah, there’s a new series of one of Richard Attenborough's nature documentaries that I think we should watch,” Leslie answered her husband.

“Ooh, well count me out, I don’t find animals to be something fascinating that we should all watch.” Ann automatically invited herself along.

“Didn’t include you my beautiful Grouper Fish Ann!” Leslie jumped in.

Ben was stood in the background trying not to roll his eye’s at his wife’s oblivious best friend.

Chapter Text

“So how do we handle this problem, again?” April asked bored as she twirled some of her hair around her fingers.

“Well, Ludkin, what is the problem first?” Toby asked patiently, looking over at his protégé.

“It seems that there has been a spate of generally bad, negative feelings near Luton, do we have to get onto that problem?” Andy asked for his wife.

“When you say negative feelings, you don’t mean the feelings where everyone is irritating you, do you? You mean something more pervasive than that don’t you?” Sam asked, already dreading the answer he was going to get.

“No, the people who reported these feelings, claimed that they felt as if they would never be happy again. They were stuck reliving all of their worst memories.” Leslie reported, having read the note over the couple’s shoulder.

CJ cursed aloud, knowing in spite of herself what the answer was to be. These were one of the worse days in the office for her.

“That sounds like Dementors; they don’t often come in that far inland, have anybody with magic, who has been to see any Dementors confirmed our suspicions?” Toby asked, sighing as he thought of some of the work he would have to get through.

“Yes, a Mundungus Fletcher was able to corroborate the reports. What would you like us to do?” April squinted at another piece of parchment.

“UGH, Fletcher? That guy isn’t a very reliable witness.” Sam groaned startling a laugh from a silent Josh.

“There are rumours that Fletcher is one of Dumbledore’s men, right?” Seth asked, a frown briefly covering his face.

“That’s right, and there are rumours that the more senior Black brother and Potter within the Auror department, are also Dumbledore’s men.” Lyor smiled.

He was always happy to share his findings from his gossiping habit.

“It does seem as if when the four men were still in Hogwarts, that Dumbledore let them get away with far more than he should have. Might he be holding something over their head? Maybe he knows more about their actions than he lets on?” Ben offered.

“That could be it, but it doesn’t seem like something Albus Too Many Names Dumbledore would do. Blackmail that’s pretty serious, would he stoop to that level?” Edgar asked, a frown crossing his face as he considered all that he knew about his former headmaster.

“It might not be out and out blackmail, that’s a pretty serious accusation to make. The men could still be nursing any latent feelings of respect for the man. They could just want to protect the man at all costs.” Jane offered doubtfully, not wanting to believe the worst in her idol.

“It’s not a far leap to make though.” Roman reminded the group cocking his head to the side as he ran through some of the group’s actions in his head.

“That’s enough, Moss get in touch with Black and Potter, see if they have any information that can verify Fletcher’s account and or his whereabouts. Rhodes, get on with Moody and get him to send someone out there to investigate and deal with the problem. Parekh and Day, see if you can find a good news story to make people forget about what they may have seen. Zapata, keep a lid on this situation as much as you can, we don’t want news of this spreading. Everybody understands what I want them to do? Now go handle this before it becomes an even bigger problem!” Sam commanded the workers, clapping his hands together like an over-excited school teacher.

Chapter Text

“So, it seems like we have another problem to deal with right now?” Donna asked, stretching her arms out in front of her.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t seem as it will be a big day, it will be a simple matter to handle,” CJ started before continuing in a whisper “I hope.”

“Alright, what’s the problem here?” Josh asked, wondering how long he was going to end up working that day.

“It seems as if a strange thing has been spotted near Belfast in Northern Ireland” Donna started looking confused.

“What is the problem?” CJ asked starting to lose her patience with Donna.

“Well, it seems as if a Demogorgon has been spotted, is that Lyor, you see that too don’t you?” Emily asked, squinting at the page in front of her.

“Yeah, that does indeed say Demogorgon, but what is a Demogorgon, I don’t remember learning about them in school. Does anyone have an idea what they are?” Lyor confirmed, having read over the sheet in Emily’s hands.

“Wait, a Demogorgon? As in D-E-M-O-G-O-R-G-O-N?” Willow spelt out; her head having shot up at the word.

“Yeah, that’s how you spell it, does that mean anything to you?” Donna asked, her voice having gone high-pitched as she asked her question.

“It’s not real, but how much pot was involved in this sighting?” Willow asked.

“There were no pots involved in this sighting, but the people who reported the sighting were wearing kitchen pans on their head,” Josh responded, frowning as he heard how ridiculous what he was saying was.

“Pans? It sounds like they might have been high. Were they giggling?” William asked, leaning against the edge of one of the desks.

“Funnily enough, they were giggling and acting very irresponsibly when they reported the sighting. Does that mean anything?” Emily asked.

“Yeah, it means that whoever it was that it was who made the report was probably as high as a kite. They had probably been sitting, lighting up a little, and watching some ‘Stranger Things’, a new series just dropped on Netflix a few weeks ago.” Roy responded.

“Oh, I am looking forward to seeing that series. Netflix and chill tonight, Roy?” Moss offered, looking almost giddy at the prospect of watching the new series.

“I don’t think that term means what you think it means, Moss.” Jen drawled, looking over at her friends, amusement clearing in her face.

“Why, what does it mean?” Moss asked innocently.

“Not that, sweetie, not that,” Maggie replied with a smirk.

She still wasn’t sure about some of the people she was working with, even if they were still slightly ridiculous.

“Alright, people we still need to handle, or can just leave this?” Toby asked, trying to lead the staff to their conclusions.

“I could reach out to some of the people over at Netflix, and try and convince them to simply let on that it was nothing more than a promotional exercise. Firms still do that right?” JJ offered.

“We could do that, have people been able to completely understand the language used? Well, the accents in Northern Ireland can be a bit hard to understand at times. Can we be sure that anybody can understand what the people are saying?” Spencer asked, wincing a little.

“I’ll get into contact with Netflix, it might seem like a bit of an odd location for promotional activity, but whatever, maybe we can get this whole situation handled quickly.” JJ resolved.

“Do it; I want a nice quiet day at work please!” Sam ordered the woman, running a hand through his hair.

Chapter Text

“Okay, it seems like we’re going to have some extra problems today?  Is everybody ready for a long day?” Sam chirpily reminded the staff.


Donna who hadn’t slept that well the night before, groaned in pain, as her head fell forward striking the desk.


“What is it this time?  Orangutans escaped from the zoo, because you know as well I do that it’s cruel to keep any animal locked up in such a small enclosure?” April sarcastically offered.


She was still frowning from the visit her and her husband had taken to the zoo a few weeks previously.


“Babe, you’ve got to let that go, until you take over the world, we can only write a lot of letters and make phone calls.” Andy smiled at his beloved wife.


“ANDY!  You aren’t supposed to tell them that.” April whined while she played with a bit of her husband’s hair.


“Oh sorry, but what’s the work today?” Andy tried to apologise.  He wasn’t entirely sure why he should apologise, they were only writing letters and making phone calls.


At least the phone calls hadn’t started getting threatening.


He was a big enough man to admit that his wife could be a little frightening at times.  He still loved her and would never do anything to hurt his wife.


“Let’s put a pin in that because that isn’t alarming at all.  But for now, we have had reports of a flying car being reported leaving London and being periodically spotted on it’s way to the Scottish Highlands.” Sam replied, peering over at April concern.


“Right, and we can’t blame the issue of drugs again, can we?  How many people spotted this?” Sarah tentatively asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.


“We can’t point the blame at a psychotic break can we?” Natalie mused, thinking through a few of the issues.


“No, over ten people saw what appeared to be a purple car in the sky.  One or two is a coincidence, but we need to look into this matter before it gains much traction in the national news.” Connor responded.


“We’ve handled something like that before haven’t we?” CJ asked, her mind beginning to go back to one of the early things she had been involved with before.


Donna looked over at the woman in consideration as she turned to her laptop screen, going back through some of her notes.


“There isn’t any mention of how we handled this back then, mostly it seems like we simply didn’t have a clear-cut action to follow.” Donna is frowning when she read through some of her notes on that earlier crisis.


“We could contact the people over at Leavesden Studios, they’re filming something at the minute, aren’t they?  Didn’t one of the early James Bond movies, show a car underwater or something?  Do we have any contact with Barbara Broccoli, maybe she could cover for us?” Emily asked.


“Yeah, I think that they’re maybe doing one of the Star Wars movies there.  The movie that you’re thinking of is ‘The Spy Who Loved Me’, it was released in 1977.  Parts of it were filmed at Pinewood Studios out near Buckinghamshire.” Seth responded he was always happy to show how much he loved the cinema.


“Right now that doesn’t help us too much Wright, but I’ll get into contact with someone at one of the many film studios around London or where the car was seen.  Does Broccoli have some form of magical heritage, we aren’t going to be ‘blowing the lid’ on anything if we approach her?” Josh asked, nervous about some of the actions he was about to take.


“Yeah, she has some connection, but I can’t remember off the top of my head what it is.  Roman, reach out to the press and see if you can find out what anyone is saying about it?”

Chapter Text

“Abbey, darling do you want to be Minister for Magic?” Jed asked his wife, looking over at the woman with love shining through his eyes.


“Are you kidding me?  I don’t think I have the patience to work in the same building as these incompetent dumpster fires.  Goodness only knows what I would do if I were made legally responsible for any of them.” Abbey sniffed, shuddering as she thought of how she would likely deal with some of the general levels of stupidity they faced.


“I have contacts that could assassinate Fudge and install you in his position.” Roman offered, rubbing his chin as he thought through some of the more likely variables he his contacts would likely face.


The rest of the staff, turned around to face him with something akin to worry beginning to cross their faces.  Kurt only rolled his eyes, well used to what his girlfriend’s brother could be like and what he could come out with.


This was honestly nothing in the grand scheme of things he had heard from the man.


“That’s sweet Roman, but I don’t think we have to go there yet.  But nice gesture sweetie, does anyone here have any thoughts on how we should deal with him even further?” Abbey muttered.


Jed wasn’t sure whether or not he should find it troubling that his wife seemed to take in psychotic strays from time to time.  He should probably be even more concerned that he found it so sweet.


“Excuse me, Dr Bartlet but what steps would you like us to take next with the Minister?  Would you like to do anything more with regards to children and magic coming to show itself?” Josh falteringly asked the woman.


“We could put the wind up the guy again?  You scared him last time, but he doesn’t seem to have done anything about it?” Mike calmly asked the woman, wondering what he was going to do with the rest of the workday.


“I did so like terrifying the man last time Mikey, but I want the man to change things, any ideas on how we could handle this?” Abbey sighed, looking over at the man, as she tapped her fingers up and down on the desk in front of her.


Mike tried to not visibly wince as he heard the clicking of Abbey’s nails, tapping against the metallic desk.


“Would it help if you got together with Marshall Eriksen, and write some legal briefing or proposal, I’m not a lawyer, to guide him in how to set up some department that will work towards protecting children in situations where they only show magic later.  Or children who might come from Mundane families who show Magical.” Mike wondered aloud.


“That could work, I can work with you to draw that up Dr Bartlet, Donna sees if you can pull up any stats as to how we should begin to approach this situation.  Mrs Landingham see if you can work with Jess and Lily to find out if there are any things you can work with to make this ahh briefing even more important and pressing to anyone reading it.” CJ ordered.


“Okay, that sounds good, Sam work with CJ to find out if there’s anything else we need to address.  Roman, maybe see someone about your feelings of murder, talk to Sarah maybe?” Toby asked.

Chapter Text

“Okay, it seems as if there has been a sighting of a large snake in a graveyard slithering around some random graveyard in the backend of rural England,” Nick announced, looking completely fed up with what he had already seen that day.

It was only 10 AM, where had the day gone?

“So, it’s probably escaped from some random zoo or collector? Why should that bother us?” Josh asked, still trying to work out how exactly he fits into this scenario.

“I’ve been calling round any local Herpetologists, few and far between, but so far they have had difficulties placing the exact species of snake,” Emily replied sighing as she hung up on the phone.

“How is that even possible, a good Herpetologist should be able to place the exact species of snake with ease. They’re experts for a reason though right?” Donna frowned, as she wondered what it could have taken to stump the experts.

“It should be, but there were no photos of the snake left behind, only eyewitness accounts. From the many accounts, however, so far, it seems as if it could be many different species.” Derek replied looking over at Penelope as he looked over at the woman.

“It’s fair to say that you can’t always rely on eyewitness accounts to be accurate. But I still don’t get why this should worry us, I mean does this have anything to do with the Magical community?” Penelope asked, frowning.

“It doesn’t seem as if it would be, but there was a big cauldron in the centre of a clearing and a large green smoky skull floating in the sky.” JJ sighed, as she tied her hair back.

It was a clear sign that things were getting serious if JJ was tying back her hair!

“That seems like it could be serious, do we need to be concerned, about it?” Spencer inquired.

“Yeah, we should keep an eye on this, last time a skull was spotted in the sky, it was a bad omen. Especially with the reports of the large snake, it is concerning.” Abbey frowned, exchanging a look with Jed.

The two looked concerned, they could well remember some of the atrocities committed (on both sides) during the last Wizarding War, they hoped that the tensions weren’t beginning to boil over again.

“Hopefully it’s not that AGAIN but has the Ministry even said anything about this?” Toby’s voice rumbled through his chest.

“So far, no, they might be attempting to cover up whatever happened,” CJ replied.

“They did that last time, didn’t they? Fudge might have decided that anything that could threaten his grip of control over the British Wizarding Community. If anything could be seen as a flaw, or weakness to him, he might want to eliminate any threats.” Mike evenly bit out.

Mike was wondering if he should begin to start preparing himself to make yet another visit to the Ministry of Abbey.

He also wondered why Abbey hadn’t been banned or blacklisted at the Ministry, especially with regards to how much she shouted at Fudge.

Not that he could feel much sympathy for the incompetent political leader.

He (Fudge) had dug his grave and now as far as Mike was concerned, he could lie in it!

Chapter Text

Sleepily blinking, Jane looked over at a grumpy looking Roman, snapping her tongue against her lower teeth, she called over to the man.

“Hey, Roman, is there a problem?” she asked her little brother, concerned as to what the issue was.

“Yeah, I just tired from last night. I didn’t get to bed until really late after the party.” Roman managed to say around an almighty yawn.

“Today should be easily enough handled, just a few Magical books that have gotten into circulation within the Mundane community, should be easily handled.” Sam came into the room, as always he was happy.

Tasha found it to be incredibly irritating.

Especially when she had also had a late night the night before.

Tasha could definitely not be accused of being a morning person!

Or even a people person, to be perfectly honest, at certain times of the day.

“Wait, a book? And who let the book slip out into general circulation?” Edgar groaned he was wondering who could have possibly been so careless as to let any merchandise escape.

“Uh, Flourish & Blotts,” Leslie responded, having read the name over Sam's shoulder.

“Flourish & Blotts? They aren’t normally so careless with their books. Well go on, then what book was it?” Andy looked over at Leslie.

“Monster Book of Monsters.” Leslie sighed.

“Monster Book of Monsters? That’s not exactly the easiest book to cover up.” April snorted.

“Got that right, we won’t be able to sweep it under this under the carpet. That’s the one that snaps, right?” Connor sighed.

“Yeah, it was, it seems like we won’t get an easy win. Have they been able to work out how to open it yet?” Moss groaned.

“Every time you think that you’ve seen it all, then something like this gets thrown back into our faces, but you know whatever we still need to be able to make a living.” Natalie lightly remarked.

“Exactly, every time I think that I’ve read the worst of it, something like this just crops right back up again. Can we try some line about movie magic or something similar? Anything to stop this from becoming a big incident that we HAVE to begin worrying about?” Josh asked, rolling his shirt sleeves up around his elbows.

“It doesn’t seem as if the incident has gotten too much recognition in the press, but we don’t want that to change,” Donna responded, rubbing a tired hand over her face.

“We can use that, okay it seems as if we have another thing to be concerned about. Emily, get in touch with somebody from over at the Movie Magic office and see how we can use this to move our agenda forward. Lyor, go and grab me a cup of coffee, I’m not caffeinated enough today.” CJ instructed the staff.

“Seth, co-ordinate with Emily, take half of the names on the list, the names of the people we can trust not to screw us over to make sure that they get the biggest scoop. Jess work it Nick to go through the database of names that we can trust, somebody in some workshop somewhere has to be able to trusted to provide us with some PR cover.” Toby ordered.

“In the meantime, is there anyone that we know over in the education department to scream at? It seems like somebody somewhere should know that there needs to be a bit more work on keeping secrets. Or at least be better at their jobs.” Ann muttered aloud.

“No, Umbridge is still in control over at the department. In case we can’t trust that whoever is in charge at that department is another of Fudge’s stooges.” Jerry replied as the office began to break apart ready to do their work.

Chapter Text

“Excuse me Madam Bones; you have some visitors here from the PR firm? Shall I let them in?” Nameless Secretary #420 announced as she stuck her head in through the door of Amelia Bones office.

Amelia looked up partially stunned from some of the paperwork she had been filling in. Shaking her head, as if to try and clear some of the cobwebs, she nodded at her secretary and leaned back in her seat.

“Hello, Madam Bones, my name is CJ Cregg, I work with the PR firm that has been contracted out to clean up the PR messes that are risk awareness of the Magical Community. We have recently had some concerns about how the Magical Government is likely to handle some of the recent signs that the Dark Side has risen.” CJ introduced herself, as she strode into the office. She was followed by a few of her associates, but she didn’t want to introduce them.

“Please, call me Amelia, the official government policy is that there have been no signs of the Darkness beginning to rise again.” Amelia allowed the woman.

“Call me CJ, and we completely understand that’s the official position of the Government, but we both know that you aren’t sure what to believe.” CJ looked at the woman, only choosing to speak once she had heard the door click shut behind her.

“Oh, I’m still not quite yet sure what to think, for one thing, which has been too much evidence of things being allowed to slip, for want of a better term. It could simply be that the man is too incompetent for anything to change within this Ministry, but it seems as the man has become too complacent in his ruling even to see the necessity in making contingency plans.” Amelia responded, cocking her head to the side as she considered the small group in front of her.

“Believe us, he is back, but we’re more concerned with keeping a war from spilling over into the Mundane consciousness because it will. The Mundane Community is going to notice you guys sooner rather than later, especially if you guys continue to believe in your arrogance that nobody is going to spot you. My name is Dr Abbey Barlet by the way.” Abbey spoke calmly, raising up one of her eyebrows.

“Alright, say I believe you, but what can we do? I don’t have the control necessary over the government to make such sweeping changes. Are there any steps we can take to mitigate any of the damage?” Amelia started to sound as if she was coming round to believing some of the things she was being told.

“So far, the situation has been contained, but you need to shore up your safety and leave some form of contingency plan in case you are taken off the board. My name is Josh Lyman, by the way, hi.” Josh warned the woman in front of him.

“We can probably trust Rufus Scrimgeour, normally I would say we could Kingsley Shacklebolt, but I don’t know. Lately the guy’s attention has been split. There have been whispers for a while now that Dumbledore’s old crowd is beginning to surface. It’s possible that there are a few other members in this department. There has been too much shuffling around of people within this Ministry; I don’t want to be removed from this post until I can be satisfied that I won’t leave this department is worse condition than when I found it.” Amelia sighed, brushing her hair back from her face.

“At the moment, what have you noticed, about the other departments? Is there anyone that we need to keep an eye on for you?” CJ frowned.

“No, it’s nothing I can’t keep an eye on, don’t worry about me.” Amelia deflected attention from herself.

“Very well, is there anything else that we can do for you? I think we should leave our number with your secretary. Call us if you should need anything, as always we are completely happy to help you guys out.” CJ smiled.

“I thought that you guys were nothing more than a PR firm,” Amelia remarked as the small group filed out of the office.

“Oh, Ma’am we are anything BUT a simple PR firm.” Mike threw over his shoulder as he left the room.

Chapter Text

“So, it seems like it’s going to be a quiet day,” Donna remarked, standing at the front of the large bullpen, with the rest of the staff.

“Shush, you’ll jinx it, isn’t it enough that we just get into our work and maybe spend a day in the quiet?” Josh whined, having lifted his head from the cradle he had formed with his arms on his desk.

“Oh, calm down Lyman, today I just want to talk about the meeting we attended yesterday.” CJ snorted.

“Oh, that meeting, the one at the Ministry?” Josh asked as he tried frantically to search through the files he had on his desk.

The notes were here, somewhere!

“Yes, the one about how incompetent Fudge is, and some of the sweeping changes that we suspect are about to be made at the Ministry, you were at that meeting. Actually, why were you at that meeting?” CJ summed, shooting Josh a funny look.

“Window dressing Ms Cregg, that’s all I was doing,” Josh remarked, smiling ruefully.

“Okay then. So far it doesn’t seem as if anyone has gotten back to me, but as always live in hope. Has anyone from any of the Ministry departments, reached out to anyone in this office?” CJ wondered briefly.

“Uh, not as of yet, though we honestly aren’t too confident whether or not any of them will reach out to this company. They could all be simply labouring under the delusion that we are nothing more than a Public Relations Firm.” Donna read, glancing down at the small clipboard that had materialised in her hands.

“Wonder they would have possibly given them that impression, it’s not as if we don’t give them an impression that we could be anything more than a simple PR firm.” Toby deadpanned.

“Is there any possible reason for us to start moving forward and reaching further into our making ways into the Ministry?” Sam offered.

“No, but we don’t want to overplay our hands and tip off the wrong kind of people. We don’t want to go up against the wrong kind of people, at least not until we have all of our ducks in a row so to speak. Right now, we can use the façade that we are nothing more than a simple firm, providing a varnish to the ever-eroding veil that the Wizarding World can hide behind.” CJ responded to the man, thinking aloud about some of the next moves the firm could make.

“Okay, well that all sounds well and good, but isn’t the amount of inaction starting to grate on your nerves a little?” Josh asked, he still honestly felt some measure of conflict about some of the things that were freshly occurring to him.

“Honestly? Yeah, it is, but the upshot is that we don’t have to worry about anyone looking to find us before we’re ready. The longer we can remain anonymous the better, even if it is infuriating always to find ourselves under-estimated. Maybe that’s a good thing though.” CJ mused, wondering as always if she would ever begin to lose her patience with the general Ministry.

She privately assumed that she already had, just that no one had yet felt a need to inform the rest of her!

Chapter Text

“Okay, is there anything going on today that we need to keep moving on?” CJ asked the staff, waiting for a change to have something to do.

She wanted something to do during the day, could you blame her?

“Yeah, it seems like there has been a small issue of ah ‘Muggle Baiting’ near Cardiff, seems like the former Death Eaters, or at least those who are doing Community Service with the Firm,” Donna answered the woman, glancing at the woman.

“Okay, Malfoy, Parkinson, Nott, you are up,” CJ called out as the three scrambled to make their way up the woman.

“Okay, well it doesn’t seem like anyone got hurt so what’s the big deal?” Parkinson shrugged, as she read through the small bit of parchment that Donna handed to her.

“EXCUSE ME! Nobody got hurt! You understand that those Muggles were hurt? That they had to go to the hospital for overnight observation when they were found? On what planet can you say nobody got hurt!” Josh cried, staring at the woman in horror.

“Oh, but doesn’t it say that none of them was harmed too badly, I mean what’s the worst that could have happened?” Parkinson shrugged once again.

“They weren’t in for the craic! They were in because they had presented with cardiac difficulties.” Roy reminded Parkinson.

“Well, none of them suffered from long-term problems, so it’s not clear why we should have been called in about this, what does this have to do with us?” Malfoy looked down his nose at some of the people in the office.

“Would you two please stop it? All I ever wanted, was to be seen as my person, my own man, but he just had to pull me further into his orbit. Do you not think that I have been trying so hard to distance myself from him.” Nott whined, cutting a hostile look at Parkinson and Malfoy.

“When my Father hears about this,” Malfoy started in a high pitched tone of voice.

“Oh, my Merlin, would you grow up Malfoy, your Daddy doesn’t have any say anymore in how things are done. The second you grow up and realise that nobody is going to step in and make life any easier for you, the better.” Jen groaned, looking over at the amazing Ferret Boy. Impatience and disgust are growing in every line of her body.

“That’s enough Barber; it seems as if some people haven’t gotten the memo that they’re going to have to grow and start behaving like their people. After all, we just need to keep going.” Toby warned the woman, trying to subtly remind the woman that right now he needed nothing more than for them to start working again.

“Okay, well it seems as if we have got some bigger fish to fry right now than their combined underdeveloped sense of empathy and an overdeveloped sense of confidence.” Sam tried not to laugh at the ire the woman was showing.

“Seems like some things can kill us. Are there any more ideas we have for trying to handle this mess?” CJ drawled, peering around the workers clustered around her.

“We, and by we, I mean April Sexton, to go into this hospital and see if we can get access to the Mundane people’s files. In the meantime, Connor begins working with Derek to try and work out if we can find out, who exactly was responsible. When you have done that, see if you can coordinate with Lyor to try and work out if there are any laws on the books.” Maggie offered.

“That sounds good; Nott get in contact with Zabini and somebody over at the ministry, think ah Shacklebolt would be good here, see if there’s law on the books that we can use to pursue these complete and utter dumbasses to the full extent of the law. Donna works with Emily to show Malfoy and Parkinson what kind of rings we are going to have to jump through to cover this whole ridiculous mess handled.” CJ ordered, before hurrying to make her way back to her office, to start making phone calls herself.

Chapter Text

“I still don’t see why we should care so much about the pathetic muggles; you can see why yesterday was a bit of a pointless day?” Malfoy asked Josh, who leaned back from his work in irritation.

“Really? Can you give me one good reason why we shouldn’t care?” Josh calmly told the man, ignoring the small crowd that had gathered around his desk.

“Well, it simple isn’t it, without us they would still be scrabbling in the mud. I mean what have they ever done for us? They still try to set us on fire you know?” Pansy sneered, having floated over to the two men, ready as always to give her two cents to a problem that she didn’t understand enough about.

“Burning at stake, in a widespread sense hasn’t been practised in centuries. I mean, sure some nutcases still try to kill people for not being the same as them, or fitting into their narrow worldview. Try again.” Donna interrupted.

“Oh, Donna’s right, there are always going to be nutcases who don’t follow the same exact narrow worldview. For the most part, though, they are few and far between. And what exactly do you mean by scrabbling in the mud, because that I just don’t understand?” Josh shrugged, trying to look as innocently confused as he could.

“Well, it’s obvious isn’t it, if the Muggles knew that we existed, then they would come running to us for all their problems. They wouldn’t even know how to light a fire in the first place without us.” Malfoy drawled, trying to still hold himself to the same narrow worldview.

“Right, I’ll give you that, but have you ever actually spoken to a Mundane person before you jumped to these frightfully narrow, and incorrect worldviews? I mean you can’t simply hold yourself to the same narrow worldviews and not expect anything to contradict those views.” Emily told the man, peering at him in genuine confusion.

“I’ve spoken to that woman who works here, what do you call her Oak or Pine or something. She didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know.” Malfoy tried to shrug in nonchalance.

“Oh, you mean Willow, right? That woman is astounding, did you even listen to her? Some of the stories she can tell would put hair on your chest.” Moss causally remarked.

“Been spending a lot of time thinking about the hair on my chest? What does that woman have to say about anything that’s of any interest to me?” Malfoy shot back, his hackles were up, because his back had been pushed back against the wall and he knew it.

“Oh, no, you know that Trenneman and Barber are the only people for me. But I imagine that some of her hobbies might prove interesting to you, especially given that he has found out that you are related to William.” Moss fired back, looking over at the two main loves of his life.

“I am not bloody related to the janitor for heaven’s sake, but why would you lie and say I am, especially when you know that’s not true?” Malfoy tried to protest, looking around at Parkinson and Nott for any help.

Nott simply shrugged his shoulders; he didn’t particularly feel like helping out the Amazing Bouncing Ferret anymore than he had to.

“You mean to tell us that you didn’t know that your father wasn’t an Only Child? I imagine he doesn’t like to talk about it too much; he probably buys into the whole family shame a bit much. But William is your estranged Uncle, and I love him!” Willow told the floundering guy meanly.

“That can’t be true, Mr Malfoy would have told us if he wasn’t an only child. He would have told us if there was a disgusting Squib in the family! Especially since I fully intend to marry into the Malfoy family.” Pansy started to screech her face beginning to turn a blotchy red, as she protested some of the things she was being told.

“And why would dear old Lucius tell you anything, Ms Parkinson? If he’s anything like dear old Dad, he will play his cards fairly close to his chest. Why would he tell some tramp that was interested in, are you interested in him nephew dear? What would cause him to tell anyone those secrets?” William calmly and evenly spoke looking over at his nephew and the woman.

“Grow up you two; I just want to serve my time, learn my lessons and move on here, for the love of Merlin, just be quiet!” Nott warned the other two.

Chapter Text

“Is there anything else we can do today?” Donna asked, drumming her long fingernails on the desk, attracting a dirty look from CJ.

“Ooh, we have got reports of a streaker up near Newcastle. Otherwise, it’s completely quiet.” Emily answered the woman in front of her.

“UGH, not another boring day, but can we do anything about the streaker?” Sam asked groaning.

“Yeah, it doesn’t seem as if we can trust that magic wasn’t involved in the situation, which is maybe why it could involve us. At the same time though, it doesn’t look like an open and shut case that could involve us, it could simply be somebody who has been a bit overzealous with their alcohol or drugs.” Emily answered for the woman.

“Okay, we can work with that, was there any indication that it might have something to do with this? In any case, we should probably try to help out. I mean it would only be polite if we were to help out.” CJ laughed.

“Yes, it would only be polite, do we know anything more? Can it be linked to a football match or something?” Josh gently mocked his boss.

“No, as far as I can tell there wasn’t a football match or a rugby match. It might have been students blowing off steam after an important exam was cancelled. Or it might have been retail workers feeling relieved at the end of their workday over the Black Friday weekend.” Seth answered, having read the bit of paper over Emily’s shoulders.

“UGH, you couldn’t pay me enough money to work in a shop on big sale days.” Penelope shuddered as she thought back to some of the days when she had worked in a shop while she had been going through university.

“Alright, settle down, settle down, we know that we have to work this day like any other. Is there anyone we can contact, to work out how we should handle this situation going forward?” Toby came into the office.

“Sir, if we send out Spencer and Derek to see if it can be confirmed as having been magic. If it turns out that magic played some small role, we can foist off responsibility for dealing with it to the relevant department at the Ministry. In the meantime, we should find it easy to ignore; we can simply downplay the situation in any press release that we send out.” Penelope offered the man, still not sure why she had bothered to come into work that day.

“Right, that sounds good, do that. In the meantime, I’m going to go have a bit of a quiet time in my office.” Toby told the assembled workers before marching off to his office.

Maggie looked at the man in amusement clear in her eyes.

Chapter Text

CJ sighed, she knew that she should probably start to work for the day, but she had such a bad headache. Still, she was so relieved that she wasn’t working retail anymore. Not least because people were going crazy over sales, causing chaos when people came storming in attempting to score a good deal on a TV, something they probably didn’t particularly want or need in in the first place.

“Have we heard anything about that meeting yet?” Abbey asked, having made her way into the office.

“So far, we haven’t heard anything back yet, but it’s only been a few days, I don’t expect to hear anything more for a few more days or weeks. Have you heard Dr Bartlet?” CJ replied, knowing what her boss was trying to find out.

“No, you don’t think that she is trying to work out what Mike said to her as he is leaving the office?” Abbey mused.

“I’d love to say no, but well you know what the Wizarding Community can be like. I do find that he wasn’t lying about what he said to the woman. What did he say again?” CJ asked the woman in front of her.

“Oh, he made hints that it our Firm isn’t just a PR Firm, made me snort a little when he said that.” Abbey reminded the woman, with a wave of her hand.

“Oh, yes, that made Josh giggle a bit when he got back to the office and could start laughing over some of the things without weakening our position.” CJ snorted.

“I wouldn’t have said that Madam Bones is an incompetent member of the Ministry, it seems like her head is screwed on properly, she’s willing to work through some of the issues, whether or not she feels like it completely matches up with her beliefs and personal ethos. Excuse me; I’m well aware that I’m talking through my hat, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” Abbey apologised, smiling self-deprecatingly at CJ across the table.

“Late night then? Do you want me to call in anybody?” CJ laughed softly at the woman.

“Yeah, the neighbours were having a birthday party for their eight-year-old child last night. The party seemed to stretch on a bit; you had kids screaming to one another from late afternoon to early evening. Then the family were there from mid-afternoon to about 10, and of course, they started to scream at one another about politics or something.” Abbey shrugged, once she had covered up her mouth which had almost cracked with an almighty yawn.

“Ooh, was it Mundane politics or Wizarding politics? Why didn’t you simply cast a spell, so you and Mr Bartlet didn’t have to hear anything from them arguing?” CJ asked frowning.

“They were arguing Mundane politics, and Jed wanted to listen in on them, but the nosy guy fell asleep anyway. I have never been more jealous of my husband than today!” Abbey joked.

“Fair enough, it doesn’t seem as if there are going to be any more news today if you want to take a nap on my couch. I’ll let Mike know what’s going on.” CJ offered, looking over at her boss with sympathy shining through her eyes.

“Yeah, if you wouldn’t mind, I’m just so tired today. I think I’ll commander your office for a few hours, and just go for a little nap.” Abbey carefully laid down on the couch, ready to take a nap.

As CJ carefully made her way from the office, she took the large blanket hanging over the back of the chair, and threw it over Abbey; she didn’t want her boss to become cold in the office.

Chapter Text

Toby was startled from his staring at the page in front of him. He had been quietly working through some of the paperwork that his job expected him to remain on top off, wondering what had ever possessed him to leave his paperwork so late.

Work had been so hectic for him lately, with all of the constant craziness and stupidity that he was forced to work through on a near-daily basis. He loved his work with all his heart (and it paid the bills for him), but he did sometimes wish the he didn’t have to deal with so much stupidity. Sometimes, he also wished that he was so prone to fits of procrastination if he didn’t let his paperwork slip for so long.

Oh well, at least he was doing it now, while work was still quiet. He knew that once it started to get crazy busy again, he knew when to take some of his time and catch up with some of the menial tasks.

Finally humming with satisfaction as he completed some of him, Toby made his way from his office, a rare big grin splitting his face.

“Whoa, Toby why do look so happy?” CJ asked, when she noticed that her colleague looked ridiculously happy, she couldn’t remember having seen the man so happy in a while.

“I finally finished all of my paperwork, have you heard anything back from Madam Bone’s office?” Toby batted the woman’s concern away, attempting to distract her by asking her a simple question.

“Yes, we have been given a list of names that Madame Bones doesn’t feel as if she can be too confident in trusting they have anything less than benign motives.” CJ started.

“Well, that’s good isn’t it – that at least now we have some idea of who we can trust and who we can’t. Should we keep an eye on those names?” Josh asked while reaching out for his desk phone.

“It would probably be a good idea, not least so we will maybe finally have an idea what we are up against. Contact Mike; Josh has him put together some package whereby we can keep an eye on those names. Have Mike work with Roman and see if he can come up with something where we can all be satisfied that we know anytime those guys are likely to make any moves. Kurt, see if you can work in conjunction with someone at the Ministry, but be careful who you trust over there, we don’t want anyone to start making moves before we are ready to counter their crust backsides!” Toby told Josh.

Chapter Text

“So, now what we’ve heard back from Madame Bones office, and you’ve directed Mike to put together a surveillance package with Roman and Kurt, has there been anything that has popped up that we need to keep an eye on?” Leslie was asking, her clear voice ringing through the office.

“Normally, I would say no, if it were a list of names from anyone else office, I would say no, you know how incompetent those fools can be over at the Ministry.” CJ started before she was interrupted by a snort coming over the corner in which Josh was stood.

“Fools? Have you been watching the Disney animated movies again?” Josh snorted in amusement.

“Darn it; I did it again didn’t I? I was looking after my niece and nephew last night, turns out some of those movies are surprisingly good.” CJ rhetorically asked.

“Yeah, I like watching The Lion King when April’s adopted sister is in town.” Andy cut in, to no one’s surprise.

“Not even going to touch that, would you like to share with the class what you learned CJ?” Toby prompted.

“Some of the names she gave us were on public record, so it’s clear just from going through the open Trial records, or newspaper cuttings that these people were at the very least suspected of involvement. Some of the other names were a bit more difficult to corroborate, but I was able to send Donna and Emily down to find out what they could at the Ministry.” CJ reported to the man.

“That’s right, the funny thing about flirting, you take any information from anybody if you need to. We were able to get into the public files without much difficulty; it didn’t seem as if a lot of people had thought to check the files.” Donna shrugged.

“In the meantime, I went down to Daily Prophet offices and went through some of their archives looking for further names. It would have been easy enough, but I think Rita Skeeter tried to proposition me while I was there.” Seth started frowning when he thought of the behaviour that Skeeter had exhibited towards him.

“Are you okay Mr Wright, if you need to there’s a process we can follow if she made you feel uncomfortable. Or did anything to your person that you weren’t comfortable with?” Sam asked in alarm when he had heard what Seth was saying.

“No, I was able to get out of there, before she could do anything.” Seth waved off the man’s concern with a wave of his hand.

“While Donna was busy distracting the clerk, I was able to get a quick glance at some of the more sealed stuff. There wasn’t a lot of information in the files; I suspect bribes were paid out. This all makes me suspect that it seems as if Madam Bones may have kept her files of people suspected of involvement with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and that this was where she was able to draw the extra list of names from.” Emily explained.

“It would make sense, if an investigator like Madame Bones suspected someone of illicit activity, then it would make sense for her to keep files. Her mentor was Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody so that she may have picked up some ideas on vigilance from him.” Spencer theorised.

“But, does she strike anyone as finding difficult for her to let sleeping dogs lie? If she has continued to harass anyone, then she could be picking up enemies left, right and centre.” Derek pointed out.

“I don’t think it’s that; she may have simply decided that she wasn’t content with not knowing what everyone was up to. Just in case any of them stepped out of line, she would have been able to claim that there was precedence for her paranoia.” Mike settled.

Chapter Text

“Yup, this is going to be a weird one, today,” Donna announced as she made her way into the office.

“Seriously, well what is it today?” Sam asked coming out of his office with a smile.

The rest of the office simply glared at him, because it was a Monday and they privately reckoned that anyone who could be happy on a Monday morning was a bit strange.

“It seems like there are escaped cows on the streets of Hogsmeade, a Mundane farmer near Hogsmeade is starting to freak out. It seems like the seedier aspects of the Mundane media has caught onto this guys ah plight and has blamed aliens.” Donna explained, shaking her head as she silently questioned her sanity for having read the note aloud.

“Right, first things first, has anyone managed to corral the cows from Hogsmeade?” Toby checked.

“No sir, you know as well as I do that the Magical population isn’t the most logical of people.” Donna tried, trying to hold onto the sense of calm going through the office.

“Or rational either.” Josh snorted.

“Sir, it’s possible that since most farmers within the Magical Community simply direct their house elves to take care of the livestock do not know how to safely handle said livestock. I’m guessing that no one was there to take care of the problem for them?” Roy asked, thinking of some of his upbringing in Ireland.

He had always had to go out and herd the livestock back into their fields if they ever got free. His parent’s dire warnings that crashing into a cow at speed could easily be fatal for whoever was driving.

“That sounds good, do we have anyone we can contact on the Magical side of things about getting the cows back into their fields? Or at least someone with prior knowledge of the Magical World? We don’t want to upend somebody’s whole world.” CJ muttered thing through some of the things that now needed to happen.

“We can try and get into contact with Hagrid and see if he can do anything about the problem.” Emily offered.

“Yes, do that, does anyone have any valid suggestions for how we can throw water on the situation with the Mundane farmer? We need to handle this quietly, before it becomes a Thing because I don’t like Things.” Toby ordered.

“Sir, if you would like once Hagrid gets the cows rounded up, we can quietly put them back in their field, maybe we can spin some story that the farmer was on hallucinatory drugs, see if anyone takes the bait?” Seth spoke quickly, thinking ahead to some of the quick thinking he was going to have to engage in.

“It feels a bit unfair doing that though doesn’t it? We don’t want to make it hard for this man ever to be taken seriously, simply because we needed to handle a problem.” Jen pointed out.

As always she was happy to fill the position of moral compass within the office. It certainly seemed as if no one else was going to think through some of the moral problems of what they were about to do.

“Okay, Emily with the help of Roy take the cows back, say that they had escaped into your fields, if he asks where you live, then put on a thicker accent and claim that you live further up the mountain. Hopefully, if the seedier publication sees that the man has gotten his livestock back, they will print a retraction.” CJ commanded the troops.

“I doubt it, some of the seedier aspects of journalism, don’t have a backbone to call upon if they need to, but you got it, boss.” Seth snorted before reaching out for the phone in front of him.