When the Survey Corps returns from a mission outside the walls, beaten and wounded, counting losses of hundreds of strong soldiers, everyone may ask themselves why we are still fighting. Why aren’t we giving up? We could close the gates and no one would break through, not even the Colossal Titan would be a threat anymore. There would be a happily ever after inside this golden cage that Eren called the walls.
I think this is a very personal question. But you don’t have to look hard to find the answer, even when you just talk to regular people in your daily life.
You can sense it.
It has always been there since I was a child, in Eren’s angry reactions to the Military Police, his excitement when the scouts came back from a recon mission... even in Mikasa‘s hand that helped me get up after she had scared my bullies away one more time.
Everywhere, like the electricity of a lightning shortly after a thunderstorm.
Hope. It is such a simple word whose meaning is explained quickly, but for all of us-it is different.
Mikasa just wants to protect her family from the titans and the downs of this broken world, that is her excuse for finding a way to move on after another one of us died.
Under Eren’s anger glims a light of his strong will that will always find a way to get his revenge on the human-devouring beasts that killed his mother.
But for me, it has always been in the books. The books my father read and left behind for me.
Books about fields of ice and sand or water that looks like fire! Things people inside the walls could never dream of seeing! Like places from a dream.
But most importantly, about the ocean.
This is my reason. My story, my excuse for risking my life at my friend’s side over and over again.
The excitement in Eren’s eyes that shines up every time we talk about reaching it.
That will be my price for everything I already lost in this war: my fallen comrades, my grandfather, our old home in Shiganshina district and most importantly, my humanity.
Because a human fighting monsters will never be able to reach anything without willing to give sacrifices.
This goal glows like a guiding lighthouse called freedom. Freedom to go wherever you want, be happy wherever you want. I am not able to be entirely free after learning that I will never be able to see these places if I stay here. If I do nothing and just throw junk at the wagons packed with human bodies as they pass by.
And through all of this madness, this light can be my cure.