It’s quiet in the tattoo parlor. Too quiet for Yoongi’s liking. The last costumer has left a few minutes ago and Yoongi’s shift is about to end. Now it’s just him and Namjoon.
Yoongi sighs as he throws another glance at the clock. Still five minutes – maybe he could start packing his stuff.
He tabs his fingers against the surface of the counter as he walks past it, just to destroy the silence that is slowly becoming unbearable.
He has never been one to mind the quiet a lot, in fact, it has always been quite the opposite. He prefers it since it allows him to fully concentrate on himself, on his thoughts and what he is doing.
But recently, silence has been too loud.
It is a reminder that something is missing. Someone.
Minho, who is lying on the couch, purrs and lifts his head when he notices that Yoongi steps closer. He gets up, stretches, and looks at him expectantly.
A smile tugs at the corner of Yoongi’s lips.
“Hey, do you know how… long this has been in the fridge?”
Yoongi turns around to face Namjoon who is leaning against the doorframe, scratching his head and holding a rice milk carton in his hand.
“I just found it and I don’t remember buying it… it must’ve been in there for months.”
Yoongi doesn’t say anything as he skeptically watches Namjoon. It is nothing new for him to be out of it, and usually, it is something that never ceases to amuse Yoongi.
But now, he can’t bring himself to chuckle or even smile. He just stares at Namjoon, blankly, and wonders about the absurdity of the situation, especially when Namjoon finally looks back at him and seems even more confused than before.
“What?” he asks.
“What?” Yoongi asks back and shakes his head slightly.
“Is this Jeongguk’s?”
Yoongi pulls a face and shrugs. “How am I supposed to know? I don’t give a shit.”
He turns away and grabs a pen, then pretends to write something down. It is quiet behind him. Namjoon doesn’t move.
Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut and sighs.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, turning around to face his friend, “I don’t… know whose milk that is. It’s not mine.” He forces a smile to top it off.
Namjoon’s look is piercing and sceptical and Yoongi avoids his eyes, then flinches and turns back around to hide his tentativeness.
He is sure that is has worked when he can hear Namjoon walk away, probably to dispose of the rice milk.
And Yoongi, Yoongi allows himself to relax for a second. Not much has changed but everything has gotten so much more exhausting. What he has been doing for years suddenly feels like a burden, and more often than not Yoongi finds himself lying in bed at home not being able to get up, let alone go to work.
He hasn’t dared to call in sick yet, but maybe it’s just a matter of time.
Sometimes, Yoongi draws, but even his drawings feel incomplete.
“Hey,” he hears and winces a bit. Namjoon is right next to him and puts a hand on Yoongi’s shoulder.
Yoongi glances at him.
“You can go home; your shift has ended. I’ll tidy everything up.”
Yoongi looks at the clock. Indeed, his shift is over.
“I can help you clean up, it’s no problem,” Yoongi says after remembering that there is nothing waiting for him at home. So why hurry?
“You look tired,” Namjoon states. His eyes soften a bit.
“And? It’s late, and you don’t look exactly rested as well.”
“That’s not what I mean, Yoongi.”
And Yoongi knows that. He’s not stupid; but he doesn’t want to talk to Namjoon about his problems, he can’t, and he wonders why his friend can’t accept that.
“Yoongi,” Namjoon repeats. Yoongi figures he looks like he’s thinking too much again.
“I can help you tidy up, it’s no bother,” he just says because he doesn’t want to listen to Namjoon.
He is not ready for someone else to make him feel like shit, too. In fact, Yoongi himself is already doing a great job at that.
“You know,” Namjoon deadpans, “You’re such an idiot for thinking that I don’t notice anything.”
Yoongi closes his eyes. He is not ready.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mumbles, and he doesn’t look at Namjoon because he already knows that he won’t be able to stand the look on his friend’s face.
“You do. Do you think I’m that dumb?”
“Namjoon, drop it, please,” Yoongi says. He looks at the clock and decides that going home might not be such a bad idea after all.
“No.” Namjoon makes a pause, but Yoongi knows that he is not done yet.
“I can’t keep watching you pretend you’re alright when you’re certainly not. Yoongi, you’re my best friend, I’m worried about you. And I’m allowed to be worried. Someone has to, right?”
Yoongi turns his head away even more. “Right.”
The silence gives both of them enough time to think. Namjoon speaks up first.
“You have never been someone to openly talk about your feelings a lot. At least not for as long as I know you. But usually, you could tell me when something was not alright, even though you were never good at naming what exactly was going wrong. And now – this has been going on for a while. You were doing so well, and now I have to be scared to ask you for literally anything because I don’t know if it’s too much for you. I can tell that something is wrong because your job is usually never too much for you.”
Yoongi gets what he is trying to say. He gets it, he got it before. But it’s hard to accept.
“What if the problem is ridiculous? Too ridiculous to tell anyone about?” Yoongi suddenly asks because what if it really is? But Namjoon just chuckles.
“Min Yoongi and a ridiculous problem? Never heard of that. I think that’s impossible. Besides,” he takes a deep breath in and smiles, “If it’s a problem and it bothers you, then it cannot be ridiculous.”
Yoongi believe that makes sense, somehow.
“Maybe,” he starts, “Maybe –“
The neon lights happily flicker in the dark. The air smells used and Yoongi can hear the distant roars of engines.
“Maybe I should go home now,” he says. Namjoon’s face falls a bit.
He doesn’t stop Yoongi when he gathers his stuff and walks towards the door, though.
“See you tomorrow,” Yoongi says and opens the door.
“Is it because of him?” Namjoon asks. He is still standing in the same spot as before, hasn’t moved an inch.
Yoongi halts and looks back at him. His face must be answer enough to Namjoon.
“It is, right? It’s because of Jimin.”
Yoongi drags his tongue across his teeth. He clenches his hands.
The thing is, it’s not entirely because of Jimin. The thing is, Jimin was just the trigger.
If Yoongi was honest, then he would tell Namjoon that it is because Yoongi knows it’s all his fault.
He fucked up, he was the one to leave and ignore Jimin and hurt him so, so badly that he hates Yoongi now. And he has every right to do so.
Yoongi lost what was the most precious to him and it’s all his fault. But he can’t tell Namjoon all of that.
Not yet, that is.
“It is,” he ends up saying and nods, “It is because of Jimin.”
“Talk to him,” Namjoon suggests without asking any more question. In a way, Yoongi is thankful.
“I can’t. If I could, I would’ve already done that. But I don’t think I can do that to him,” he says with a shrug.
“You could always try,” Namjoon says without missing a beat. Yoongi wants to laugh at that.
“If it only were that easy,” he chuckles, “If it were that easy, man, I think I would’ve already married him.”
Then, Yoongi leaves, and Namjoon doesn’t stop him this time.
Time passes, almost enough time for Yoongi to forget about his conversation with Namjoon. Neither of them brings the topic up again, and Yoongi is grateful for that.
Jimin is still not present, except for in Yoongi’s head, he is always there, always always, never gone, not once.
He is there at night when Yoongi’s nightmares turn to dreams and he is there when Yoongi finds his clothes between his own, and he is there in the sketches Yoongi draws.
Every day, always.
It hurts a lot. More often than not, Yoongi finds himself looking at the few photos he has of Jimin, and then he wants to call or at least text him; but he never does it.
In a way he is a coward, and he knows that. But Yoongi is too far gone to care.
Maybe one day, he will be able to accept that Jimin won’t come back and that it’s his own doing that put him in this situation.
“We should get dinner together, today,” Jeongguk says after the costumer Yoongi has just tattooed left the parlor.
“Today? But it’s Friday,” Namjoon remembers and looks at Jeongguk, “What about Taehyung?”
Jeongguk visibly tenses. His eyes darken. Yoongi wonders if Namjoon’s insensibility is intentional; Taehyung hasn’t been to the tattoo parlor in a while and Jeongguk voluntarily stays longer on Fridays. It is obvious that something is wrong between them.
“Yeah, Taehyung. Right.” Jeongguk says. He looks like he wants to say more but doesn’t seem to be able to find the right words.
Yoongi is quick to help him.
“There is this sushi place on the other side of town that you always wanted to check out, right, Namjoon? Why don’t we go there?” he asks.
Jeongguk throws him a thankful glance and a small smile. Namjoon opens his mouth, closes it again; repeats this two times.
“Aright,” he eventually says, “Maybe it’s not a bad idea after all.” Then, he goes back to his work.
When Yoongi walks past Jeongguk, Jeongguk grabs his arm and whispers a quiet, “Thank you.”
So, a few hours later, they close the shop and get in Namjoon’s car; Jeongguk on the backseat, of course. The drive is comfortable and Yoongi believes that Jeongguk is the most thankful for the silence that is between the three of them.
Yoongi looks out of the window and allows his thoughts to run free. He watches the people in the city, wonders where they are heading, who they are, looks at the houses and shops and bright lights that are on even though it’s early in the evening and the sun is still up.
And maybe Yoongi should’ve been a bit more attentive, because when Jeongguk suddenly says, “Hyung, I don’t think this is the right place,” once Namjoon comes to a halt, it is already too late.
Yoongi furrows his brows and looks up. Looks at Namjoon, then back at the shop they’re standing in front of.
The white sign that reads Local Flower Meadow in pink, round letters is hard to ignore. It is even harder for Yoongi.
He looks back at Namjoon once more, and he swears there is something like remorse in his eyes.
“No,” he says. Namjoon glances at him.
“At least give it a try,” he begs, “Try to talk to him. You know him, I’m sure he will listen to you.”
Yoongi clenches his jaw and stares right in front of him. He takes a deep breath in to calm himself down; he doesn’t want to yell at Namjoon. Not now.
“Maybe I don’t want him to listen to me. Maybe I don’t wanna talk to him at all.”
“And maybe,” Namjoon says harshly, “Maybe I don’t want to keep seeing you like this. Unhappy. Miserable. Maybe you have to get off your high horse and listen to me once. I’m your friend, I’m looking out for you and I wouldn’t tell you to fucking talk to Jimin if I knew that it couldn’t potentially help you.”
Yoongi presses his lips together. He swears Jeongguk is not even daring to breathe.
“What do you want me to do?” he asks quietly, calmly.
Namjoon’s expression softens. “Go in there,” he says and nods in the direction of the shop, “And talk to Jimin. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, and I don’t want to. But explain why you did what you did, and I’m sure he’ll understand. And if not then you’ll at least be able to say that you’ve tried.”
Yoongi hates that Namjoon’s words are to plausible.
He sits there for a few seconds and stares at the dashboard, his leg is bouncing up and down.
It is an unnerving moment; Yoongi can practically feel the tension in the car.
“Fuck,” he hisses and rubs his face, then his eyes, “Fuck. I’m gonna mess up. I’m gonna –“
He stops himself by biting his tongue. Even though the pain is not too bad, it somehow brings some sanity back into his mind.
“Wish me luck,” is the last thing he says before opening the car door and getting out, his eyes never leaving the flower shop.
The bell rings when he opens the door. Yoongi almost winces at the noise.
It’s just as dark as it was the first time he was here; in fact, everything looks the same, but the flowers are probably different ones.
Yoongi holds his breath as he looks around. He almost feels disappointed when he doesn’t see Jimin standing somewhere, watering the flowers.
He wonders if he is even here, and then wants to laugh and cry at the same time because what if Jimin doesn’t have to work today?
But none of that matters anymore when a person leaves the backroom and Yoongi recognizes pink hair and a pastel shirt.
His heart is going crazy and it has various reasons.
“Hello, can I help you?” Jimin asks, and he smiles, and his voice is sweet, and he looks pretty, even in the dim light.
Yoongi can’t even answer, his throat is too dry, and he forgets how to move his lips.
For a second, he thinks that Jimin hasn’t recognized him yet due to the light, which, okay, would be fine.
But then Jimin stops, and he is close enough to be able to see Yoongi’s face, and he still doesn’t say anything, doesn’t stop smiling, doesn’t start yelling or crying or whatever – he doesn’t do anything and Yoongi takes a moment to understand.
“Hey,” Yoongi says. His voice is raspier than usually.
“Are you searching for something specific?” Jimin asks, straight-faced.
He’s giving Yoongi the cold shoulder. He is pretending not to know him.
If Yoongi is honest, this hurts a thousand times more than the thought of Jimin yelling at him.
“What?” Yoongi asks because he already forgot what Jimin said, and Jimin giggles – it sounds forced, but he giggles, and God –
“I asked you if you were looking for something specific. A birthday present? A gift for your girlfriend? For your mom?” And he smiles sweetly, oh-so sweetly. Yoongi feels so sick he is sure he could throw up.
“What?” he asks again, then quickly shakes his head. “I mean, yeah, no… Uh…”
Breathe, he tells himself, Calm down. Play along.
Yoongi looks around, thinks for a moment. He can feel Jimin’s gaze upon him.
“Uh, yeah, two things, actually,” he then says. When he looks back at Jimin, he feels a lot stronger than before. Jimin squints his eyes slightly. It seems hard for him to keep the act up.
“What is it?” he asks.
“I need flowers. A – a flowerpot. Do you happen to have anemones?”
Jimin’s face falls. He clears his throat and blinks; it takes him a few moments to regain his composure and to smile again.
“Sure. I think they’re over there,” Jimin says and walks towards one of the tables covered in flowers.
Yoongi follows him.
“Here, we got them in white and violet. What do you prefer?” Jimin asks, grabbing two flowerpots; one with white anemones and one with violet ones.
Yoongi doesn’t think too long.
“The violet ones should be nice,” he says and looks at Jimin, “I know someone who likes these kinds of colors and – yeah. Maybe it’ll make them happy if I buy them.”
Jimin’s eyes widen and he blinks. He quickly puts the white anemones away again and lowers his head.
“Yeah,” he says, both hands tightly holding onto the flowerpot, “Maybe it would.”
They walk over to the counter and Yoongi takes out his purse to pay.
Jimin tells him the prize. It is quiet while Yoongi takes out the money.
“Actually,” Jimin says when Yoongi hands him the money, “Uh… you said there were two things you came here for.”
And Yoongi remembers. “Yeah… right. That’s what I said.”
He waits until Jimin has sorted the money into the cash and is looking at Yoongi again.
Yoongi hold his breath for a moment.
“I… I came here because I wanted to talk to you,” he says, and then he adds, “Actually, because I need to talk to you.”
And Jimin loses his composure.
His face softens visibly; now that Yoongi looks closely, he just seems exhausted and drained.
“Yoongi,” Jimin mumbles, “Why?”
“Because I fucked up,” Yoongi replies, “We both know that. And now I’m here to apologize.”
“It’s not as easy as that,” Jimin says.
“Why not?” Yoongi asks, “Let me at least explain myself. Let me talk to you.”
Jimin looks conflicted; Yoongi can’t blame him. This is already more than what he had hoped for.
“I don’t know…” Jimin sighs. He looks away.
“My… shift ends in half an hour. If you can wait for so long, then we can talk. If not, leave.”
Yoongi’s eyes widen. He nods. “Of course, I’ll wait. Half an hour?”
“I’ll be outside.”
“Okay. I’ll be there.”
Jimin pushes the anemones towards Yoongi. “Here, don’t forget them. I bet the person will be very happy about the color, you know.”
Yoongi grabs the flowers. “Yeah,” he agrees, “I think so, too.”
He looks at Jimin, and Jimin looks back. Then, Yoongi leaves the shop.
Half an hour is not that long, he knows that. But it feels like an eternity now. Yoongi almost laughs; he feels like a child every time before something exciting was supposed to happen. Like on Christmas Eve or his birthday, but worse.
So he waits impatiently for Jimin, the anemones that he never intended to buy in his hands.
By the time Jimin leaves the shop, he has almost completely calmed down again; but as soon as he sees Jimin, his whole body feels on edge again.
Jimin is not wearing his apron anymore. His hair is a bit messy, but it looks cute, and he isn’t wearing any makeup, but he still takes Yoongi’s breath away.
That’s what love does, he thinks, but it’s cheesy, so he doesn’t think about it any further.
“So,” Jimin says.
“Hi,” says Yoongi.
Jimin fiddles with his fingers and shifts from one foot to the other. It takes Yoongi a moment to realize that he is nervous.
“You wanted to talk,” Jimin reminds him. Yoongi nods.
He has to think, has to concentrate on what to say. Jimin notices and gives him time.
“Jimin,” Yoongi says because it’s more comfortable than staying quiet.
Jimin’s shoulder relax. “Okay.”
He sounds unimpressed, and Yoongi can’t blame him.
“I’m sorry that I left and that I… treated you like that. I didn’t – I didn’t want to make you feel bad.”
God, Yoongi is bad at this.
“I was a bit overwhelmed by everything and I let it out on you. That wasn’t fair.”
“Okay,” Jimin repeats.
“Not enough?” Yoongi asks.
“Not at all,” Jimin replies. “Why did you do it? You just left and never talked to me again. You didn’t even text me telling me what we had was over. I didn’t – Yoongi, you just don’t do that. I’m not saying you owe me anything, but I thought I meant at least something to you.”
Jimin’s voice is shaking. Yoongi fears he might start crying.
“You do, Jimin-ah, I swear, and it’s not about that at all. See, I know I behaved like an asshole, but –“
“Why? That’s all I wanna know, why?” Jimin asks again and he sounds so desperate that all Yoongi wants is to hug him and tell him it’s going to be okay.
“I don’t know,” Yoongi tells him, “I don’t know – why did I do it? Because –“ I love you and I’m scared.
Yoongi doesn’t say that.
“Because I’m a coward,” is what he says instead. It’s at least the truth. Jimin’s face softens.
“Yoongi…” he mumbles, “Yoongi, God, you’re such an asshole.”
And Yoongi is sure he has lost, he has fucked up completely and Jimin hates him, hates him so much with every right to do so.
So, Yoongi doesn’t expect Jimin to step forward and hug him.
“I hate you,” Jimin sobs, pressing his face against Yoongi’s neck, “I hate you so much.”
“I’m sorry,” Yoongi says again and tightens his grip around Jimin’s waist. The smell of flowers and fruits fills his nose and he feels more at ease than ever.
“I missed you so much, Minnie.”
“I missed you, too, dumbass.”
Yoongi doesn’t think that it should be that way, but he knows that they are good again when he feels Jimin’s hot breath hit his ear.
He moves one hand up to Jimin’s head and holds him tight, tighter than ever before and imagines that this is him confessing his love.
He wishes Jimin knew, too.
Although Yoongi doesn’t know if it’s right, they go to Jimin’s apartment.
And even if he wanted to, he couldn’t leave Jimin now anyway, not after the time they have spent apart.
“My roommate is not here,” Jimin says.
“Okay,” Yoongi answers. They go into Jimin’s room.
Yoongi’s fingers are itching and all he wants is to touch Jimin, everywhere, be close to him, smell him, feel him, everything, everything at once – it hurts, and it hurts probably more than before, but Yoongi is okay with that because being close to Jimin makes up for that. He has learned that now.
“You okay?” Jimin asks quietly. Yoongi is still standing there right by the door, hasn’t moved ever since they have entered the room.
“Yeah,” Yoongi replies breathlessly, “Now I am.”
Jimin blushes. “I hate you,” he mumbles while trying to suppress a grin, then he reaches out and grabs Yoongi’s hand. Yoongi immediately feels at ease, especially when Jimin pulls him closer until their chests are almost touching.
“Come on,” Jimin whispers. His breath soothes across Yoongi’s lips. It’s like an invitation; yet, Yoongi needs to hear it from Jimin. Needs to hear the words. And Jimin understands.
“Hyung,” he breathes, “Kiss me, please.”
And Yoongi does. Yoongi swears he does.
He cups Jimin’s face with his hands as careful as possible and kisses him, softly but passionately, hesitantly but deeply.
Jimin kisses him back and gives him support. Gives him strength.
They both want this. They both want each other.
In a different way, Yoongi thinks, but Jimin’s lips make the voice in his head suddenly sound so quiet.
Even though Jimin’s room is not that big, they don’t make it to the bed. But that’s okay.
Yoongi thinks he is okay with everything if it means he gets to see Jimin like this, on top of him, riding him. It’s okay if he gets to pleasure Jimin and make him smile and throw his head back and if he gets to hear the sweet little moans that leave his mouth whenever Yoongi thrusts in just right.
Jimin is perfect like this and Yoongi will do everything to keep him, even if it will hurt.
And Yoongi knows that it will. Yoongi knows that loving Jimin will hurt like hell.
He almost tells him. The love thing, that is. But he doesn’t.
And it’s probably better that way.
Some things are better left unsaid.
It’s been a while ever since Taehyung has been to the parlor. Jeongguk doesn’t miss him.
He does not.
Maybe a bit.
But he would never admit that, not to himself nor to anyone else.
It’s none of anyone else’s business.
And what is there to tell anyway? That Jeongguk somehow managed to lose both one of his best friends and someone who makes him feel things that he didn’t think he was capable of feeling for a man?
Taehyung is a good person and Jeongguk is selfish. And somehow, Jeongguk is perfectly aware of the latter – but he’s a proud person, very much so, which makes it hard for him to accept that, more so to realize that whatever happened these past few weeks, everything that has changed, is all his fault.
Jeongguk thinks a lot, about himself, about Taehyung, about the two of them together, about what happened the other day and Taehyung crying and Taehyung yelling and him kissing Taehyung and Taehyung kissing back and Taehyung, Taehyung Taehyung Taehyung –
Jeongguk’s mind is confusing him, and none of his thoughts lead to anything he can work with.
All that he knows is that Taehyung is gone, it’s probably, very likely Jeongguk’s fault and he is the one who will have to overcome his own pride and try to apologize.
To him, that doesn’t seem like enough. And he knows he has to explain himself and to talk to Taehyung about what happened and what will happen in the future. And maybe Jeongguk isn’t ready yet.
Of course, this isn’t about him and whether he is ready or not because he is not the one who got hurt but instead is the one who fucked up.
But to figure that out, Jeongguk needs time.
The question is if he has got the time.
The question is if Taehyung will wait.
Or, if Jeongguk wants Taehyung to wait.
Week one after Jimin. Only seven days, and not even one has passed where Yoongi hasn’t seen him.
He doesn’t mind, not particularly, minus the usual struggles that come along with falling in love with your Friend with Benefits, at least.
Jimin comes over to his apartment or they meet in the city or Jimin is at the tattoo parlor.
Just like today.
Yoongi is alone at the parlor again. It’s early in the evening of a cloudy day and Yoongi stands outside, leaning against the wall of the building.
He is a nervous fuck and has never had the best coping mechanisms – he hasn’t touched a cigarette in a while, but the thing with Jimin made him pick up the bad habit of smoking again. He hates himself or it, in way.
The shadow appearing next to him makes Yoongi look up.
“I didn’t know you were a smoker,” Jimin says with a smug grin. It’s still a game for him, it’s all a game.
Yoongi shrugs, glances down at the cigarette between his fingers. Thinks about stubbing it out, then deciding against it and taking another drag.
“Me neither,” he mumbles and then adds, “I quit a while ago.”
“What made you pick it up again?” Jimin asks and leans against the wall next to him. A wave of flowery perfume hits Yoongi. The smell quickly mixes with the smoke and it becomes so absurd that Yoongi doesn’t want to breathe for a moment.
“I don’t know,” he replies, eyeing his cigarette skeptically. You, he wants to say, but he doesn’t because that would be unfair.
“Sorry. I know it’s unhealthy, in case you wanted to tell me that,” he then says and tries to smile at Jimin.
Jimin pouts a little; it looks cute. The shirt he is wearing is too big for him and he looks even more fragile in it than usual, and Yoongi just wants to hug him and hold him close and keep everything bad away from him.
That is the effect Park Jimin has on Yoongi. A dangerous thing.
“I know that you know. You’re not stupid,” Jimin says and steps closer. Yoongi is a bit surprised when Jimin wraps his arms around his waist and rests his chin on his shoulder.
“I missed you,” Jimin whispers. Yoongi chuckles.
“You just saw me yesterday. Not even 24 hours ago.”
Jimin furrows his brows. “Don’t care. Still missed you. I’m clingy, you know that.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Yoongi takes another drag, then he throws the cigarette to the ground and puts it out with his shoe.
“Let’s go inside, shall we?” he asks and stands straight so Jimin will stop touching him, stop being so close.
A part of Yoongi immediately misses the warmth of Jimin’s body.
“Wait,” Jimin says and Yoongi does. He doesn’t have time to wonder because the next moment, Jimin is pressing his lips against Yoongi’s and Yoongi is completely lost.
Fuck,, he thinks, I love him so much.
Jimin is taking his air to breathe but he is his source of oxygen.
Jimin simply has to be there for Yoongi to feel at ease but he is what causes the war inside Yoongi’s head.
Jimin’s touch soothes Yoongi’s pain but is more hurtful than anything imaginable.
Yoongi is so fucking lost.
“I missed you,” Jimin quietly repeats when they break apart. He is still so close, Yoongi could count every single one of his eyelashes.
“Did you miss me, too?”
“Of course,” Yoongi whispers. It’s not a lie. Yoongi isn’t sure if it comes close to what he really felt, though.
But the smile on Jimin’s lips is priceless. Yoongi falls a bit more in love.
“Let’s go inside, then,” Jimin says and takes Yoongi’s hand.
Yoongi has to work on a sketch, so him and Jimin disappear in the backroom where Yoongi’s stuff is spread on the table.
Jimin watches him work, doesn’t interrupt him, and it is quiet.
His legs are resting on Yoongi’s lap, but other than that, he doesn’t touch him, just watches what he is drawing.
It gets later and later, darker and darker, they barely speak. It’s comfortable, Yoongi thinks.
Maybe a bit too comfortable considering how close Jimin really is to him, with his arms that slowly find their way around his torso and suddenly, he is touching Yoongi, and not just a little bit.
Jimin’s fingers caress Yoongi’s waist and he rests his head on his shoulder. Yoongi’s breath hitches.
“Jimin-ah,” Yoongi warns.
“’s looks pretty,” Jimin mumbles and Yoongi isn’t sure if he is talking about his drawing.
He sighs and decides to ignore the tension in his shoulders. This is Jimin, he is used to being this close to him, in fact, he is used to being a lot closer to him.
It bugs Yoongi and it shouldn’t, so he pretends everything is alright.
Jimin, however, isn’t dumb.
“Hey,” he says gently, “Are you alright?”
He doesn’t sound worried though, so Yoongi just shrugs and murmurs, “Sure,” and continues to draw.
Jimin is still for a moment. Then, he shuffles around until he is kneeling next to Yoongi and leans forward to kiss his cheek.
“Okay,” he whispers. His breath hits Yoongi’s cheek.
He sits down again and wraps both his arms around Yoongi’s waist.
“I like watching you work,” he tells him, “It’s relaxing. You’re so good at drawing. Which is no surprise, of course.”
Yoongi just hums as a response. He can hardly imagine that the situation could be relaxing whatsoever considering how absolutely not calm he is feeling on the inside.
His leg is bouncing up and down. Yoongi runs a hand through his hair.
When Jimin presses his nose against Yoongi’s neck, he chuckles dryly.
“Someone’s being cuddly today, huh?” he asks. Jimin hums and giggles.
“Does it bother you?” he asks in return, “I can stop, not that I want to.” He laughs. Yoongi can feel his lips against his neck.
He remembers what sleeping with Jimin could lead to and clenches his jaw.
“Jimin-ah,” he says with a mocking undertone, “Not here, huh?”
Jimin hums but doesn’t let go of Yoongi. At least he settles with resting his head on Yoongi’s shoulder.
It’s hard for Yoongi to concentrate when all he can feel is Jimin and all he can smell is Jimin and even though he is not looking at him, all he can see is Jimin, too.
He taps his pencil against the table, then lays it down.
“Do you want to take a break?” Jimin asks. His fingers soothe up and down Yoongi’s arm; his left hand slips underneath his shirt and caresses his back.
And Yoongi thinks that it’s pretty damn unfair that this is so easy for Jimin. That he can just keep touching Yoongi and kiss him and pretend like it’s nothing, and Yoongi can’t even breathe properly when Jimin is this close.
It’s so unfair and Yoongi doesn’t like it, doesn’t want Jimin to stop but doesn’t want to keep going like this either. This thing, this one-sided thing is tearing him apart and he has realized it a long time ago but right now, right now it’s getting all too much, and he wants it to stop –
Yoongi forgets to release the breath he has been holding and gets up, so abruptly that his knees hit against the table.
There is a loud noise and Jimin flinches, but Yoongi just pushes past him and takes a few steps away from the table.
“Yoongi?” Jimin asks worriedly, “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Not again, not again, Yoongi thinks as he rubs his eyes and runs a hand through his hair.
“I – nothing,” he says because he doesn’t know what to say.
“Are you feeling sick? I can take you home if you want to,” Jimin continues. He sounds unsure and Yoongi can’t blame him.
“Or do you need water? You look pale, just talk to me, please –“
“Jimin, please,” Yoongi begs, “Please be quiet for a second.”
He knows he’s snapped even before Jimin reaches over the table to grab his hand. Yoongi almost automatically pulls away and spins around, facing a scared-looking Jimin.
“No, stop, stop. Don’t touch me, you’re only making it worse!” he hisses. Jimin’s eyes widen.
“What –“ he starts, but Yoongi doesn’t give him the chance to speak.
“You’re touching me, and you’re so close and you’re making me feel these things and I can’t keep going like this, Jimin,” Yoongi says. He sounds desperate and it’s not what he wants, but he can’t help it. He’s done, can’t keep going like this.
“You’re always… there. Always. Everywhere. Even when you’re not really there… God, Jimin, you’re making me crazy.” Yoongi’s hands get tangled in his hair.
Jimin looks like he is about to cry.
“Fuck, do you even know what you’re doing to me? Do you even understand? Why is this so easy for you?” Yoongi asks and almost takes a step forward to grab Jimin’s shoulders but can keep himself from doing so last minute.
There is something glistening in Jimin’s eyes. It could be tears.
“And I’m here hurting you, that’s all I’m doing, just because I don’t know how to fucking deal with myself,” he goes on.
“Yoongi,” Jimin sobs, “What are you… what’re you trying to say?”
Yoongi drops his arms to his sides. He must be looking pretty pathetic, standing there.
“This thing between us,” he says without hesitation, “I can’t keep doing this. Not as long as I have feelings for you.”
It’s out. Yoongi wants to run and hide but can’t even get himself to squeeze his eyes shut. Instead, he stares at Jimin and Jimin stares right back.
It takes Yoongi a moment to realize that there are tears running down Jimin’s cheeks.
Jimin lowers his head, and not even a second later he buries his face in his hands and starts crying.
“Oh my God,” he sobs, “Yoongi, oh my God –“
And Yoongi doesn’t know what this is supposed to mean and what he is supposed to do now, so he just stands there, helplessly, staring at Jimin and contemplating whether he should just leave or not.
When Jimin finally looks at him again, his cheeks are red and tear-stained, but he looks prettier than ever. Yoongi swears he falls in love with him all over again.
“Yoongi,” Jimin sobs. There is something like a smile on his lips, just very faint, but it is there.
“Oh my God I love you so much –“
Yoongi’s breath hitches.
Jimin chuckles. He wipes his tears away.
“I love you,” he repeats. Yoongi shakes his head.
“You do?” he asks, taking a step towards Jimin who lets out a teary laugh.
“Yes, I do, I really do, you dumbass –“
Yoongi cups his cheeks and cuts him off with his lips. His body is running on autopilot but that is okay, that’s alright because it’s doing the right thing and Jimin loves Yoongi.
He loves him.
Yoongi loves him.
It’s gonna be alright.
They’re gonna be alright.
When Yoongi pulls away and opens his eyes, he finds Jimin staring back at him.
He looks like he wants to say something, but Yoongi doesn’t let him, just leans forward and kisses him again. Jimin’s lips are like a sweet treat that he has been craving for so long and can’t resist anymore now that he has gotten a taste of it. But Jimin, Jimin doesn’t mind. He wraps his arms around Yoongi’s neck and pulls him closer, as close as possible, and kisses him back eagerly.
It doesn’t feel like in the movies. In fact, it doesn’t feel like anything Yoongi has ever felt. Not even what he had with Heechul comes close.
But it feels like something that Yoongi cannot describe yet desperately wants to get used to. He wants to get used to Jimin in his arms and being able to tell him that he loves him. It’s so new but seems so right, and it’s scary, but Yoongi thinks he can take it if it’s for Jimin. He knows he wants to try for sure.
They break apart, breathlessly, and Yoongi sits down next to Jimin. They both take their time to sort their words.
“So,” Jimin says, tapping his fingers against his thighs.
“So,” Yoongi repeats and they chuckle.
“You’re in love with me,” Jimin states. It sounds as if he is just listing facts, which, well, he is, but it sounds so oddly natural that Yoongi feels bad for being so dramatic about it.
“Yeah,” he breathes, “I guess I am.”
“How long have you known?” Jimin asks calmly. Yoongi is thankful that he is so relaxed – he wouldn’t be able to deal with a hysterical Jimin right now, and maybe, Jimin knows that. Then again, maybe this is just normal for Jimin.
“A while,” Yoongi tells him, “A few weeks. Probably longer.”
Jimin nods slowly.
“Me, too,” he then says before a smile tugs at his lips. He looks at Yoongi.
“Does it scare you?”
Yoongi glances at him, then shrugs. Does it scare him?
A shit ton. Can he be honest about it?
Then, Yoongi looks at Jimin and sees the sincerity in his eyes.
Yes, he figures, he can.
“A fucking lot,” Yoongi mumbles and immediately lowers his gaze. He isn’t sure if it hurts Jimin to hear things like that, but it’s too late for that now.
Jimin doesn’t say anything for a moment. He takes Yoongi’s hand and squeezes it softly, intertwining their fingers. Yoongi looks at their hands.
“That’s okay,” Jimin whispers, “Me, too.”
Yoongi feels his shoulders relax. It feels reassuring to hear things like that – maybe, if they work together, they can manage it.
“We could try, though,” Jimin says as if he’s read his mind, “I don’t know how serious you are, but I’m sure about it.”
Yoongi squints his eyes at him.
“I wouldn’t have said anything if I wasn’t sure either,” he tells him and almost sounds offended; a part of him probably is.
But Jimin just shrugs. “To be fair,” he says, “I thought you were going to tell me that you hated me.”
And at that, Yoongi can only laugh because it’s so far from the truth.
“Why would I hate you?” he asks. Jimin blushes and smiles.
“Some people do,” he answers, biting down on his bottom lip.
Yoongi stops laughing. His heart clenches.
“I’m sure about this,” he reassures Jimin and has probably never felt more confident than at that moment, “We should give it a try.”
Jimin blinks at him.
“Yeah,” he says and nods, “We should.”
Taehyung hasn’t been sleeping so well recently. It’s not really a surprise but it still sucks a lot, especially since he needs all the energy he can get to finish his project for university.
Not that his body cares about that at the moment, there are other things that busy him.
Like Jeongguk, but Taehyung would rather pretend that’s not the case.
It feels like a weakness to admit that what happened is constantly on his mind and distracting him. He wonders if Jeongguk feels the same, though.
They haven’t spoken ever since it happened. Neither of them tried to reach out to the other one and Taehyung doubts that will ever happen. Jeongguk is too proud and he is too scared – the last time he tried to make a step, he triggered a catastrophe.
It’s 2am on a Wednesday, and Taehyung is awake. Still. Again.
The sky is dark, almost pitch black. Taehyung stands by the window in his kitchen, a steaming cup of tea in his hands. Somewhere in the distant, he can hear Hoseok snoring.
Technically, Taehyung is not alone, but he swears he’s never felt lonelier.
So, when his phone vibrates he flinches and is almost too startled to pick it up.
When he does, Jimin’s name and phone number shine into his face. Taehyung frowns and accepts the call.
“Taehyungie!” he can hear Jimin. He sounds too awake for 2am and Taehyung hopes he isn’t drunk.
He isn’t, he quickly realizes, but instead, the reason why his friend is still awake is quite humane.
“Yoongi and I decided to have a movie night,” Jimin tells him, “Well, I decided, and he agreed.”
Taehyung leans against the window.
“Sounds nice. Why are you calling?” he asks.
“I read your messages from earlier,” Jimin replies, “I’m sorry I’m only getting back to you now, but I was… I was busy.”
Taehyung didn’t want to know that, but it’s too late now.
He thinks back to the message he sent Jimin – where he asked Jimin if he wanted to hang out, maybe, since they haven’t seen each other in a while.
“I could’ve been asleep right now,” Taehyung chuckles.
“Well,” Jimin says, “Maybe I knew you weren’t.”
Oddly, Taehyung wonders if him and Jimin could ever become best friends. He looks outside and watches the city lights from afar.
“I couldn’t really sleep,” he tells Jimin although he never asked, “Been having problems with that for a while now.”
“What happened?” Jimin asks.
Taehyung hesitates. He knows that Yoongi is sitting right next to Jimin and he isn’t sure if Yoongi knows about what happened between him and Jeongguk.
Probably not, he thinks, because that would imply that Jeongguk cared. And he doesn’t, he’s proved that more than once now.
“Nevermind,” he says despite his urges to talk about it, “I’ll tell you sometime. Don’t wanna disturb yours and Yoongi’s time together.”
Taehyung can hear Yoongi say something in the background and Jimin replies something inaudible. Then, he’s back at the phone.
“You’re not disturbing anything. Do you want me to come over?”
Taehyung throws a glance at the clock. “No, please, I’ll be okay. Don’t worry,” he immediately says, “Maybe we can meet some other time. Now make sure to get back to Yoongi before he gets impatient.” He manages a chuckle.
Jimin is quiet for a moment. “Okay,” he then says, “But don’t hesitate to call me if something’s wrong, yeah?”
“Sure,” Taehyung says. They say goodbye and he hangs up.
The silence around him is suffocating. Suddenly, Taehyung feels so, so small and vulnerable – he sets down his mug on the kitchen counter and leaves the room.
The whole apartment is dark, but Taehyung can’t really be bothered to turn on any of the lights. He walks over into the living room which quickly turns out to have been a bad decision.
There’s the easel, and a canvas, painted with pretty colors. The sunset scenery that Taehyung has already been working on when Jeongguk and him were still talking.
Something tugs at his heart when he sees the colors and is reminded of the boy who broke his heart.
But before Taehyung can get lost in the feeling, someone rings at the door; it takes Taehyung a few moments to realize that it was his door, and that someone actually came here at 2am.
A part of him hopes that the noise didn’t wake Hoseok up; the other part hopes that it’s Jeongguk in front of his door.
It’s not Jeongguk. It’s Jimin, which is a surprise, too. Taehyung squints his eyes at him as he watches him walk upstairs. The clothes he is wearing don’t really look like his. He must’ve been in a hurry and left right after their phone call.
“Hey,” Taehyung says, confused, “What’re you doing here?”
“Being a good friend,” Jimin says self-confidently and walks past Taehyung into the apartment. Taehyung closes the door.
“Okay?” he says, watching Jimin take off his shoes. “Jimin, I told you, it’s alright –“
“Well, and I know better than to believe that,” Jimin says. Once he’s done taking off his shoes, he stands upright and crosses his arms, giving Taehyung a scrutinizing look.
“You’re not alright,” he concludes, “And I’m here to talk to you.”
Taehyung lowers his head. “You didn’t have to give up your night with Yoongi,” he mumbles, but Jimin shrugs. “I see him almost every day, I think we can both manage a few hours apart from each other. Besides, he’s probably glad not to have me around for a while.” He chuckles, then he points in the direction of the living room. “You wanna sit down and tell me what happened?”
Taehyung hesitates. Then, he nods.
They go into the living room and get comfortable on the couch, and then, Jimin gives Taehyung time and they’re both quiet.
Eventually, Taehyung sighs and leans his head back.
“I fucked up,” he says, “Badly.”
“What did you do?” Jimin asks.
“I –“ Taehyung feels like his throat is tightening. “I told him that I loved him.”
It feels weird saying that out loud, and it must feel weird to hear it, too, because Jimin doesn’t say anything for a while.
Then, he breathes, “Wow,” and is quiet again.
“It just happened,” Taehyung continues, “I didn’t even want to, but then I felt like I had to, so I told him and he, he got so mad.” Taehyung feels tears prickle in his eyes. He tries to blink them away.
“He was so mad at me, and he yelled and then he kicked me out.”
Jimin plays with a thread on his jeans. “What happened before?” he asks.
Taehyung swallows. “He kissed me,” he says, “Actually, he already did that once before, and then he ignored me, so I went to his apartment to talk to him and maybe, if things had gone good, to confess. I thought he just panicked and needed some time…”
Jimin looks at him as if he is already sensing something bad.
“He fucked another guy,” Taehyung almost whispers and then closes his eyes. It hurts thinking about it and he wishes he could just forget about it.
“He kisses me and then fucks someone else. As if I’m nothing to him. I was so angry, and I yelled at him and then –“ His voice cracks and he stops, clears his throat. “And then he kisses me again.”
“Oh God,” Jimin mumbles, “Taehyung, I’m sorry.”
Taehyung opens his eyes again and stares at the ceiling. “It’s alright,” he says.
“You don’t deserve this.”
He does. Well, a part of him does. The other part, the one that is still holding onto Jeongguk and refuses to accept what happened, doesn’t. It’s exhausting, really.
“But that doesn’t make it any better,” Taehyung adds, “I still fucked up, and so did Jeongguk.”
“You did nothing wrong,” Jimin tells him, “You were being honest, and that’s a good thing. Whatever it is that set Jeongguk off, it doesn’t justify anything.”
At that, Taehyung just shrugs.
“Are you going to talk to him?” Jimin asks.
“I don’t know. Probably not,” Taehyung replies, “I guess I need to learn to let go, or whatever.” He sighs, then he looks at Jimin and smiles. He doesn’t want to talk about Jeongguk anymore.
“How are things with Yoongi, though?”
Jimin immediately blushes and tries to hide his smile. “Oh,” he says, “Good. Everything is… good, yeah.”
Taehyung keeps looking at him for a few moments. “I’m glad,” he mumbles, “You two deserve that. You know… to have someone like that.”
Jimin nibbles at his bottom lip. He glances at Taehyung.
“So do you,” he says. Taehyung wants to laugh.
“We’ll see,” is all that he says, because after what happened with Jeongguk, he isn’t so sure if he really does anymore.
Jeongguk is fucking pissed. He is – fucking – miserable. Not that he’d ever admit it, not to himself, not to anyone else.
If he pretends that everything is alright, everything is just going fine, perfectly fine, then no one will notice. Then he won’t have to face his problems.
Except for it isn’t that easy, and Min Yoongi is a mentalist.
“Jeongguk,” he says. Jeongguk, who is standing at the counter, pretending to go through the list of costumers who are still going to come in today, hums.
“How long are you going to keep going like this?” Yoongi asks and Jeongguk has already had enough of their conversation.
“What do you mean?” Jeongguk asks back lackadaisically.
Yoongi leans against the counter and crosses his arms. He considers Jeongguk for a while.
“Are you hitting puberty late or what?”
Jeongguk puts down the pen and inhales sharply, then tries to breathe evenly in order to calm himself down.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” he presses through gritted teeth and looks back down at the list. He probably knows exactly what Yoongi is talking about.
“See,” Yoongi says, sounding as if he’s smiling. Min Yoongi and his stupid, ugly smile.
(Jeongguk knows that Yoongi’s boyfriend would kill him for that).
Jeongguk doesn’t react, so Yoongi adds, “The mood swings,” and Jeongguk looks up once again.
“Mood swings?” he asks incredulously. Yoongi nods. “’s been pretty bad. And –“ he sighs, “Everyone has noticed, so don’t even try to talk your way out of this.”
Sometimes, Jeongguk wishes he had other friends. Or no friends at all. No one who cared about him.
Then, situation like this one wouldn’t come about.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Jeongguk snaps at him, unintentionally, of course, but it’s enough to startle Yoongi and enough to make Jeongguk decide that this is his signal to leave. So, he turns around and has already taken a few steps away when Yoongi speaks up again.
“Don’t think that I haven’t noticed Taehyung’s absence.”
He sounds completely calm. However, his words, they strike home.
Jeongguk stops walking.
Yoongi pauses for a moment, then continues. As if he hasn’t already said enough.
“You two are friends. Hell, you’re closer to him than to anyone else. Even though you hate to admit it. And I know that you do, because that’s just how you are.”
Jeongguk lowers his head, but still doesn’t speak. He doesn’t know what; and he wants to know what else Yoongi has to say.
“Whatever is going on between the two of you, you need to fix it, and as soon as possible, please. Because honestly, you’re unbearable like this.”
Enough, Jeongguk thinks and turns around. Spins around. Yoongi looks at him with one eyebrow raised.
“Shut up,” Jeongguk hisses, “You have no idea what happened so don’t tell me how to deal with it, okay?”
“Jeongguk,” Yoongi says, as if he can’t believe what he’s just heard, “You’re my friend, of course I’m not going to shut up about it!”
“Taehyung and I are fine, okay? Thank you, I don’t need your help with any of this,” Jeongguk spits, then he turns away and is about to walk into the backroom when Yoongi’s voice stops him once more.
“Oh yeah? You are fine?” Yoongi asks and chuckles.
“Sure, that’s why I haven’t seen him in weeks. Weeks. Jeongguk, I’m not stupid.” He turns to Jeongguk’s direction, and when Jeongguk throws a glance at him, he sees how desperate he looks.
And Yoongi, Yoongi doesn’t look desperate. Never.
“You two are fine, okay, keep telling yourself just that. But I know that’s not true because Taehyung would never miss an opportunity to see you, and you two aren’t fine when he almost starts crying when he finds out that you had sex with another girl.”
Jeongguk head snaps up because that one, that’s new, and for one second he can’t believe how he himself missed that but Yoongi didn’t.
“Taehyung doesn’t like picking fights or whatever. Hell, I’m not close to him and even I know that something very bad must’ve happened between the two of you.”
“You have no idea,” Jeongguk murmurs, “You have no fucking idea how I feel.”
Yoongi squints his eyes slightly. He looks like he wants to say something, but Jeongguk doesn’t let him.
“I,” he continues, “have been fucking miserable ever since Taehyung and I stopped talking and I don’t know what to do, because I know that it’s all my fault, everything is my fucking fault because of course it is.” He draws a sharp breath in and presses his lips together until it hurts.
“You don’t fucking know what it feels like to make a person that’s important to you feel worthless and not good enough simply because you’re too proud to be honest. You have no idea – oh, why am I even talking to you?” Jeongguk makes a dismissive hand movement and is about to turn away.
Yoongi huffs. “Oh, believe me, I do,” he says, “But you know what? I had the courage to own up to my mistakes. Because that was what I owed that person.”
Jeongguk lowers his head.
“I don’t get it,” Yoongi says, “What is it that you are so scared of?”
“I’m not scared,” Jeongguk replies too quickly. Yoongi squints his eyes.
“Then what is it that makes it so hard for you to talk to Taehyung?” he wants to know and crosses his arms. “There has to be something that keeps you from admitting that you’ve fucked up and apologizing.” And when Jeongguk stays quiet, he adds, “What is it, Jeongguk?”
“It’s nothing,” Jeongguk hisses, “Now stop asking dumb shit like that as if it was any of your business.”
Jeongguk is too mad to think rationally and too irritated to realize that his reaction is more or less proving Yoongi right.
“Well, as your friend, it kind of is, isn’t it?” Yoongi laughs, “Besides, I’ve been through something like this, with Jimin, and look where we are now – I can help you if you just tell me what the fuck happened. Stop being so goddamn proud, Jeon Jeongguk.”
Jeongguk glares at him. “I’m not proud,” he snaps, “Besides, what Jimin and you have is completely different. Don’t even dare to compare it.”
Yoongi squints his eyes. “Is it, though?”
Jeongguk swallows. He can hear the clock ticking, that’s how quiet it is.
“I don’t have any feelings for Taehyung,” he says calmly.
“Sure,” Yoongi replies just as nonchalant, “Keep lying to yourself.”
“I don’t have any feelings for Taehyung,” Jeongguk repeats. He can’t hide the defensiveness in his voice, though, and he is sure that Yoongi has heard it, too.
“We’re friends, fine, but I would never fall for a guy, and you as my friend should be the one person to know that!”
“Jeongguk,” Yoongi says, “What are you trying to prove?”
Jeongguk halts. “I’m not in love with Taehyung.” He inhales deeply. “Not now, not ever.”
“Then what is this about?” Yoongi asks stubbornly, “What is it that makes it so hard for you to overcome your ego and go talk to Taehyung?”
Jeongguk doesn’t reply to that because he doesn’t know. Well, he does.
“Have you ever thought about how Taehyung feels, then? Have you at least been that considerate?”
Jeongguk still doesn’t know what to reply, so he turns around. He’s had enough, Yoongi’s interrogative manners are seriously getting on his nerves and he has to get away from here.
“Jeongguk!” Yoongi shouts frustrated.
“Fuck!” Jeongguk yells back, “Okay, fine! Fine!” He turns back around to Yoongi and stares at him with wide eyes.
“Fine, here you go: Taehyung told me he was in love with me, okay? We kissed, and I avoided him, and he still came back to me because that’s just how Taehyung is, right? And then I fucked up, I totally did, and I can’t, I can’t talk to him. Not ever again. Even if I didn’t owe him that much, I still couldn’t.”
“Fuck you do,” Yoongi hisses surprisingly angry, “What you owe him is an apology. An explanation. Taehyung is a good person, but you –“ He shakes his head. “You are egoistic.”
Although Jeongguk expected something like that, it still hurts.
“Shut up,” is all he says.
“You don’t even realize what damage you’re causing, do you?” Yoongi continues, “But you know what I think?”
Jeongguk doesn’t react; He knows Yoongi is going to tell him either way, no matter if Jeongguk wants to hear it or not.
And he is right.
“I think,” Yoongi says and steps closer, “That you do have feelings for Taehyung. I think that you are too proud to admit it to yourself and that you’re scared.”
“Shut up,” Jeongguk repeats. His voice is shaking; so are is hands.
“You can’t come to terms with yourself and you’re letting it out on Taehyung. That’s just not fair!”
“Shut the fuck up!”
“Accept it, Jeongguk!” Yoongi shouts, “You’re into boys, get over it! You like Taehyung, so what? What’s your fucking problem?”
“Shut up, just fucking shut up!” Jeongguk yells and almost covers his ears. But instead, he walks past Yoongi and storms towards the door.
Yoongi says something else, but his words get lost.
The bell over the entrance rings as Jeongguk leaves the parlor and hurries down the road, away from his friend.
Ending up in front of the familiar apartment complex that is Taehyung’s home comes as a surprise, even to Jeongguk.
The façade of the building is grey; there are cracks in the walls. Somewhere in the background, Jeongguk can hear the city.
The roaring of the engines, white noise. It’s all familiar.
Jeongguk just stands there for a while and stares at the door. Then, he raises his head and looks at the window which he assumes is Taehyung’s.
Now or never, is what he thinks, but walking up to the door and ringing the bell is much harder than that.
But Jeongguk makes it, eventually. When he checks his phone for the time, he realizes he’s been standing there for solid twenty minutes.
The reason why he is ringing the bell isn’t the guilt that is eating Jeongguk up or the fight he’s just had with Yoongi. Well, not entirely, at least; it’s more the fact that Taehyung deserves an explanation. At least that – because Jeongguk is egoistic and Taehyung is a good person.
“Hello?” someone says and it takes Jeongguk a moment to realize that the voice is one, coming out of the intercom and two, not Taehyung’s.
Jeongguk hesitates and thinks for another moment and realizes that it’s his roommate, Hoseok.
“Uh – hi,” Jeongguk says, “Hey, this is Jeongguk. Is Taehyung there?”
Jeongguk can hear susurration, then, Hoseok’s voice again.
“Yeah, he is here – man, I’m not sure if he has time right now.” Jeongguk opens his mouth to retort something when Hoseok speaks up again, a bit quieter this time.
“Maybe I’ll just stay out of this and open the door for you, alright? But be careful, he seems a bit irritated.”
Jeongguk sighs relieved. “Thanks,” he says. A few seconds later, he can push the door open and hurries upstairs. The apartment door is ajar. When Jeongguk pushes it open Hoseok isn’t there, so he quietly slips into the apartment and closes the door.
“Taehyung?” he asks. No reply; the only thing he can hear is faint music playing, coming from one of the bedrooms.
Jeongguk peers into the kitchen and finds it to be empty, so he walks back into the hallway and is about to check the living room when he catches a glimpse of a person leaning against the wall right next to the bedrooms.
Jeongguk startles, turns around.
Taehyung is standing there, tiredly glaring at him. Of course, he is.
“Oh,” Jeongguk says, “Hey.”
“What are you doing here?” Taehyung asks.
“Can we talk?” Jeongguk asks back.
Taehyung doesn’t reply. Jeongguk takes that as a sign for him to continue.
“Taehyung, listen, okay? I’m –“
“Sorry?” Taehyung cuts him off, “That would be something new.”
For a moment, Jeongguk is too surprised to respond.
“I’m being serious,” he then says, “I’m sorry.”
Taehyung is completely still. There’s not an inch of his body that moves, not a single nerve in his face that twitches.
“Is that it?” he asks, “Are you done?”
Jeongguk blinks. “I guess,” he mumbles, “Can you – do you think you can forgive me?”
He knows that this is risky. It’s demanding a lot, probably, and he has no idea if he is doing the right thing, but he’s always sucked with words and it’s his doom right now.
What he did not expect, though, is to see tears in Taehyung’s eyes.
“What?” Taehyung asks, “That’s it?”
And Jeongguk, Jeongguk nods.
“You can’t be serious,” Taehyung breathes, “After everything you’ve done you just come here, apologize once and think I’m over what happened? How you treated me, what you’ve said – am I just supposed to forget all of that? Is that what you did? Because if so, then –“ Taehyung gasps for air and it is only then that Jeongguk realizes he’s crying.
“Then I’m sorry, Jeongguk, but it’s not that easy. Not at all.” He wipes away some of the tears running down his face. Jeongguk resists the urge to step forward and pull him close.
“At least not for me,” Taehyung adds, then, he zones in on the sleeves of the shirt he is wearing.
Today, he is wearing baggy clothes and his hair is messy, but, in a breathtaking moment, Jeongguk realizes how beautiful he looks.
“We can talk about this, can’t we?” Jeongguk offers. He doesn’t know how to have talks like these and it’s getting more and more obvious. Taehyung huffs.
“Okay, go ahead,” he says, “Do you even know what you did wrong?”
Jeongguk raises his eyebrows.
“What?” he breathes.
Taehyung clenches his teeth.
“Do you,” he repeats a lot slower, “Have any idea of what you did wrong?”
It’s a question that leaves Jeongguk speechless. He knows the answer, to some extent at least. But he isn’t sure if his own perception of the situation is enough to satisfy Taehyung, and, furthermore, it’s too much.
It’s too much for him to put into words.
But he owes Taehyung an explanation, especially now that he is looking at his tear-stained face.
“I knew it,” Taehyung whispered. Then, suddenly, he contorts his face, and yells, “You have no idea what you did, what you did to me, and you still have the audacity to come here and ask for forgiveness!”
Jeongguk closes his eyes.
“How self-centered does someone have to be? How arrogant? I told you how I felt and you, you completely disrespected me and left me to believe that I was the thing that was wrong,” he gasps for air, then sobs and wipes his eyes.
“I couldn’t have been more wrong though,” Taehyung concludes and Jeongguk feels his heart drop.
“I’m sorry,” he says. His hands are shaking.
“Don’t say that when you don’t mean it!” Taehyung cries and new tears roll down his flushed cheeks, “You’ve already done enough damage, don’t make it even worse! Don’t you have any self-respect?”
Probably not, Jeongguk thinks, probably not.
“Then what do you want me to do?” Jeongguk asks exhaustedly. Taehyung frowns at him.
“No, what do you want me to do? What did you expect? Did you expect me to run back into your arms and let you hurt me all over again?”
Jeongguk shakes his head. “I wouldn’t do that.” And Taehyung huffs.
“Sure, Jeongguk.” He takes a moment to collect himself, then he looks back at Jeongguk.
“You know what?” he says, “I want you to leave. Now. I don’t wanna see you anymore, not – not ever again. Don’t come back. I don’t think I can stand being around you any longer.”
Jeongguk wishes his words didn’t hurt so much. It’s as if someone took a blunt blade and forced it into his chest. He tries his very best not to visibly wince.
“You don’t mean that,” he mumbles and realizes how pathetic that sounds.
“No, I do. And you know what else I really mean?” Taehyung expectantly looks at Jeongguk who doesn’t have an answer and doesn’t want to hear one, either.
“I hate you, Jeongguk. A lot. For everything that you’ve done.”
And he’s crying again, but he’s not alone, because Jeongguk is crying, too, and the pain in his chest gets unbearable and he can’t believe that Taehyung hates him, he just can’t because it’s not fair.
It’s not fair when all Jeongguk wants to tell him is how much he loves him.
Jeongguk loves him. And he should have realized that a long time ago when all he could focus on was Taehyung’s lips and all he could think about was his body in his arms. But instead, Jeongguk kept denying it.
And now, he’s ready. And Taehyung hates him.
Jeongguk is such a fucking idiot.
He says, “You don’t,” and cringes when his voice only comes out as a tearful whimper.
Taehyung closes his eyes. “Please, just leave, Jeongguk.”
“I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t. Not again.”
Taehyung opens his eyes. There is something soft in them as he watches Jeongguk cry.
Suddenly, he just drops to his knees and buries his face in his hands. His sobs are loud and Jeongguk is with him within a split second.
Taehyung wraps his arms around Jeongguk’s waist and presses his face against his chest, and Jeongguk holds him close and cries quietly.
“I don’t hate you,” Taehyung sobs, “Don’t go, please.”
“I won’t,” Jeongguk promises, “I’m sorry.”
And maybe, Taehyung can feel the meaning behind these words, or maybe he just trusts Jeongguk so much, because he stays quiet and just pulls the other man closer.
And Jeongguk cannot ask for more.
It was still raining earlier, but now, it has cleared up again. Taehyung and Jeongguk went out for dinner yesterday as it was Friday; Jeongguk insisted on going to a real restaurant for once, and he even paid for both of their meals (it embarrassed Taehyung only a bit).
Now, it’s Saturday evening, and Taehyung is at Jeongguk’s place. Not much has changed in their relationship, much to their dismay. But maybe it’s better if they take it slow.
“Look how pretty the sunset is,” Taehyung says. He’s standing by the window and cranes his neck to get a better view of the sun.
“Really pretty,” Jeongguk agrees with a nod, then he looks at Taehyung.
“You wanna drive around a bit?”
Taehyung nods. “Can we get dinner on the way?”
Jeongguk doesn’t mind, so they put on their shoes and leave the apartment.
Jeongguk drives them to Taehyung’s favorite takeout place and doesn’t miss the smile that tugs at Taehyung’s lips as well as the faint blush on his cheeks.
Inside, they have to wait a bit for their food since it’s Saturday night and it’s usually fuller then, so they sit in one of the corner booths. Taehyung traces the pattern of the table with his finger while Jeongguk types something on his phone. When he puts it away and looks up, he catches Taehyung staring at him.
“What?” he asks.
“Nothing,” Taehyung replies.
Jeongguk chuckles. “Like what you see?” he teases. It’s easy like this, and sometimes, he forgets that there could be more, but there isn’t yet. Jeongguk knows he has to take the next step, make a move – he keeps telling himself he’s not ready, but the longer he does, the less he believes it himself, and honestly, it’s probably just a matter of time until the bomb explodes and something either happens or Taehyung gets sick of waiting.
“Sure,” Taehyung snorts. Much to his luck, their order is done, and they pick it up, then leave the place and walk back to Jeongguk’s car.
“Do you wanna eat back at my place?” Jeongguk asks while they get in the car. Taehyung nods, putting the food on the backseat. He hesitates. “Can we drive around a bit more first?”
So they do. It’s almost dark already; Jeongguk hasn’t realized how long they waiting for their food. Then again, summer is practically over, and the days are getting shorter again. At least it’s still warm outside.
They drive around and neither of them says anything. The silence is not a bother, though.
Taehyung leans his head against the window and looks at the city lights from afar while Jeongguk tries not to get too distracted by the sight of the man next to him and concentrates on the road.
“Look how pretty that is,” Taehyung says astonished and points out of the window. Jeongguk nods.
From here, they have a pretty good view of the city, and it makes Jeongguk feel a bit jittery inside.
Then again, maybe it’s not the city that makes him feel this way.
Taehyung turns his head and is looking at Jeongguk now. He smiles softly. Jeongguk has to resist the urge to look right back at Taehyung, because once he does, he isn’t sure if he would be able to look away again.
Finally, Taehyung turns his head away.
The mood has shifted; but maybe it has already done so a while ago. Jeongguk doesn’t know.
His hands are shaking and sweating. He taps his fingers against the steering wheel. Breathing is a bit harder than usual.
“Taehyung,” he says.
Taehyung hums. Then, he looks at Jeongguk when Jeongguk doesn’t speak.
“What’s wrong?” Taehyung asks. Jeongguk shakes his head once to show him that everything’s alright, he just needs time to sort his thoughts.
“I,” he starts, then bites his lip.
“You?” Taehyung says slightly amused.
Jeongguk blinks. “Good thing it stopped raining earlier, right?”
He doesn’t have to look at Taehyung to know that he looks slightly disappointed.
“Yeah,” Taehyung says, “It is.”
“I’m in love with you, I think.”
Jeongguk feels the panic rise in his chest. God, fuck, shit, what did he just say?
“You’re what?” Taehyung says. Jeongguk just wants to squeeze his eyes shut and never open them again. Leave the car, never return.
“Pull over,” Taehyung says, “Please.”
Jeongguk doesn’t react, so Taehyung repeats, “Jeongguk, pull over!”, and he sounds stern and mad and Jeongguk fucked up. He fucked up badly.
They approach a lay-by and he stops there.
Jeongguk immediately rolls his window down and breathes in the fresh, cool air.
From up here, they have an even better view on the skyline. Taehyung would like it, but Taehyung isn’t even looking at the city. He stares at the street in front of them, his lips parted.
Jeongguk isn’t sure what’s going to happen now. He doesn’t want to find out. He wants to leave and be alone.
He rubs his eyes and opens his mouth before his brain can even come up with something to say, an explanation, maybe. “Look, I’m –“ he starts, then, Taehyung looks up at him, leans forward and presses their lips together.
Jeongguk’s eyes flutter shut. This isn’t so bad, no, this is good, yet there is the suffocating feeling of panic in Jeongguk’s chest.
The kiss doesn’t last long; as if Jeongguk could tell, anyway. He’s lost every sense of time.
“Don’t,” Taehyung warns quietly once he’s pulled away again, “I love you, too.”
This doesn’t come as a surprise. Maybe it does. Still, Jeongguk’s hand immediately goes to open the car door.
Taehyung’s grip around his arm stops him.
“Jeongguk, please,” he says, “Don’t do this again.”
Jeongguk blinks again, then looks at his hand on the door handle. He lets go.
Taehyung releases a breath.
“Look at me,” he says, “What are you scared of?”
Jeongguk stares back into Taehyung’s eyes. “I don’t know,” he breathes.
Taehyung nods slowly. “Can I kiss you again?”
This time, Jeongguk nods. He closes his eyes.
Taehyung kisses him softly. Even though Jeongguk has kissed many people before, he cannot compare this to anything else. And he doesn’t want to.
He tries his best to shut his mind and kisses Taehyung back.
“This is alright,” Taehyung mumbles against his lips and grabs his hand to intertwine their fingers.
It is. It’s alright. Jeongguk gets lost in the feeling of Taehyung’s lips.
It’s official now. Jeon Jeongguk is utterly in love with Kim Taehyung. And for the first time, it’s okay. He feels at ease, and it’s because of Taehyung.
This thing between them, it can work. And Jeongguk really wants it to, more than anything else.
“Wait,” Taehyung says and pulls away. Jeongguk opens his eyes; his mind is in a haze, but Taehyung is really beautiful.
“Is this… official now?” Taehyung asks.
Jeongguk blinks. He feels Taehyung squeeze his hand.
“Do you want it to be?”
“Then, yes.” Jeongguk clears his throat. “Yes, let’s make this official.”
Taehyung beams at him. He leans in again – right before their lips touch, he whispers, “Slowly”, and Jeongguk couldn’t be more thankful for him.
It is a weird proposal of Yoongi’s. Jimin wonders where he got the idea from, and as far as he knows, he himself has never voiced anything that would imply that he likes to draw. After all, that’s Yoongi’s job.
So, he asks again, “You want me to what?”, and Yoongi smiles calmly.
“I want you to tattoo me,” he says as if it’s nothing. As if he hasn’t just asked his boyfriend to perpetuate himself on Yoongi’s skin.
“That’s – wow,” Jimin says. Yoongi shrugs. “You don’t have to.” He doesn’t sound disappointed, but Jimin feels guilty nonetheless.
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” he immediately says and turns around to face Yoongi. They’re in his kitchen; just a few seconds ago, Jimin was making them dinner, but that is now long forgotten.
“It’s just… a huge thing, isn’t it? I don’t want you to regret it… okay, you know what, forget about it,” Jimin says when Yoongi frowns at him.
“Jimin-ah,” Yoongi says, “Look at me, okay? How many fucked up tattoos do you think I carry on my body?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, I don’t either. Because it doesn’t matter.” He pushes himself off the table and walks over to Jimin who is leaning against the counter.
“I can still ask Namjoon or Jeongguk to help me. Wouldn’t be the same, though.”
Jimin tilts his head to the side as Yoongi stops in front of him, his hands on Jimin waist, and leans in to kiss Jimin’s neck.
“I don’t know,” Jimin sighs, “Do you have anything in mind?”
Yoongi shakes his head. “I’ll let you decide.”
“Gosh,” Jimin says, “Even more responsibility…” Then, he sighs again and wraps his arms around Yoongi’s neck. “Alright, I’ll give it a try… if you insist…”
Yoongi smiles cheekily. “Thanks baby.” He kisses him shortly. “Just let me know when you’ve decided on a motive.” Then, he steps away and leaves Jimin alone, who feels both nervous and oddly touched.
The weight of what he is supposed to do doesn’t fully hit Jimin until they are at the parlor again, a few days later, at almost midnight.
Yoongi is sitting on the tattoo chair and has already taken his shirt off. Jimin stands next to the table with the equipment – Yoongi has prepared everything, has explained the steps multiple times. Still, Jimin is nervous. Even though Yoongi said he wouldn’t care, Jimin doesn’t want to mess the tattoo up. After all, Yoongi will have to walk around with that thing forever.
Jimin knows Yoongi trusts him with this. It’s a lot of responsibility.
“Ready?” Yoongi asks, throwing a glance at Jimin.
“Uh, yeah.” Jimin takes the tattoo gun and climbs on the chair behind Yoongi.
The motive is already drawn on. A bunch of forget-me-nots. Because of course.
When Yoongi asked him why he chose these flowers in particular, Jimin just told him to look up the meaning.
He isn’t sure if Yoongi has, but at least he hopes so and wishes Yoongi won’t bring it up. It would be embarrassing, kind of.
“Hey,” Yoongi says and reaches behind to caress Jimin’s thigh, “Angel. You alright?”
Jimin blushes. “I’m good.”
Then he gets ready and throws one last glance at Yoongi through the mirror.
“Okay,” he breathes and starts.
Jimin concentrates and quickly gets so lost in his task that there is no room or time for his nervous thoughts anymore.
At first, his hand is still shaking, and some of the lines turn out a bit uneven, but after a while, Jimin gets more confident, more secure.
Yoongi doesn’t wince once and patiently waits for Jimin to finish. Once he does (the motive is just a small one), he immediately turns around and presses a kiss to Jimin’s stomach.
“Thanks,” he whispers.
Jimin smiles proudly. After he has taken care of the tattoo (with Yoongi’s instructions, of course), they stay for a little longer. Jimin’s legs rest on Yoongi’s lap and their hands are tangled.
“Now you get to carry a part of me around with you all the time,” Jimin says, “Sorry not sorry?”
“That was kind of the plan,” Yoongi tells him and grins nervously. Jimin blushes. His heart does a weird thing and he feels warm all over his body.
“Oh,” he says. He doesn’t say that Yoongi would regret that once he’s gotten sick of Jimin because at that moment, he isn’t thinking these things.
“Too much?” Yoongi asks and squints his eyes slightly.
Jimin quickly shakes his head.
“No,” he says and smiles, “Absolutely perfect.”
Usually, Jimin and Yoongi see each other almost every day. If one of them is really busy, they at least manage to stay at the other’s place for the night.
Sometimes, things don’t work out that way, though.
Jimin has his exams, has a ton of work to do for university, and Yoongi, Yoongi just happens to be extremely busy at the parlor.
So, at first, they don’t meet on Monday because Yoongi has to work a lot and Jimin has an exam the next day.
Then, on Tuesday, Namjoon is sick and Yoongi has to take his shift, too.
Wednesday comes and goes – Jimin has this one paper he has to write.
Thursday – still the paper.
Friday, and Jeongguk has plans with Taehyung, so, Hyung, please? I owe you something, and Yoongi takes over Jeongguk’s shift, too.
Suddenly, it’s Saturday, and Yoongi realizes that this is the longest they’ve gone without seeing each other ever since the Not Talking™. He has to admit, he has already gotten so used to having Jimin around that he feels weird.
And he misses him. A shit ton.
It feels like a relief to see a pink head of hair walk into the parlor. Jimin seems to be equally excited, because before Yoongi even has the chance to look him in the face, he’s already run up to him and wrapped his arms around his neck.
“God,” Jimin says, his voice muffled by Yoongi’s shirt, “I missed you so much.”
Yoongi doesn’t miss the amused look on Jeongguk’s face.
“I missed you, too,” he replies and kisses Jimin’s hair, “You think you can let go of me for a sec?”
Jimin whines and buries his face deeper in Yoongi’s neck, but then, he takes a step back, pouting slightly.
Yoongi blushes when he looks at him. “I’m ready to go soon, believe me. Then, I’m all yours,” he says.
“Okay,” says Jimin and stands on his tiptoes to kiss Yoongi. Yoongi kisses him back easily and gets lost in the feeling for a moment. God, he really missed Jimin.
“But hurry up –“ Jimin adds when Jeongguk clears his throat from where he’s been watching them, the amused look still on his face.
“You know what, hyung?” he says, “How about you leave early today. I’ve got it, believe me.”
Yoongi glances at him, one eyebrow raised. “You sure?”
Jeongguk waves him off. “Absolutely. See it as a – sort of – thank you for taking my shift yesterday.”
“Oh,” Yoongi says, “Thanks.” He doesn’t get a chance to question Jeongguk’s real motives or if he’s just being extraordinarily nice today for no reason.
Jimin grabs his hand and drags Yoongi along behind himself. “Thanks, Jeonggukkie!” he says and waves goodbye. Yoongi catches one last glimpse of Jeongguk and swears he looks conflicted – should he be amused by how whipped Yoongi is or should he feel touched by how adorable Jimin is? – because that’s what Jimin does to people.
“You’re eager today,” Yoongi says when they’re outside, walking towards his car. Jimin hums and shrugs. “Just happy to see you again.”
For a while, they walk quietly, their hands intertwined. Jimin hums some sort of melody.
Then, Jimin stops and looks at Yoongi.
“Did I ever tell you,” he says, “Why we met?”
Yoongi raises his eyebrows. “That is probably the weirdest question you’ve ever asked me,” he states.
Jimin giggles. “I mean, remember when you first saw me?” Yoongi nods.
“Well, for me, it was even before that,” Jimin tells him, “Sometimes, I would walk around this part of town, and then I would walk past the parlor. And there I saw you.”
Yoongi nods. “Okay. Well?” He isn’t really sure what to do with that piece of information. They start walking again.
“Well,” Jimin says, “I was too scared to just walk in and talk to you. So, I needed an excuse.” He smiles whimsically. Slowly, Yoongi starts to understand.
“That one night I came in to make an appointment – I could’ve just called.” And then, Jimin laughs.
Yoongi shrugs with one shoulder. “To be fair, I never thought about it like that,” he says, “But Park Jimin, you’re fucking shrewd.”
Jimin smiles innocently.
They get in Yoongi’s car – Yoongi halts, then watches Jimin put on his seatbelt. He looks pretty, so pretty, and it once again hits Yoongi what a lucky bastard he is to have Jimin by his side.
It takes Jimin a moment to realize that he’s being stared at, but when he does, he raises his eyebrows at Yoongi.
“Nothing,” Yoongi says. Then, he leans forward and kisses Jimin softly. Jimin makes a muffled noise before he kisses back.
Yoongi reaches up to card his fingers through Jimin’s hair and then moves his hand down to cup his cheek.
For a while, they just sit there and kiss and it’s perfect. Jimin’s perfect. Fuck, Yoongi is in love.
And it doesn’t scare him anymore.
“Y’know,” he mumbles when they pull away, “The whole Not Being Able to See Each Other thing. There is a simple solution to that problem.”
Jimin looks at him with wide eyes. “There is?”
But Yoongi doesn’t tell him – doesn’t ask him, not yet, at least. They have time. But the possibility is there, and he is sure that Jimin has it already figured out, because he sits back down, and there is a soft smile on his lips.
They go back to Jimin’s apartment – Seokjin is not there, so they end up in the living room, sprawled out on the floor, Yoongi between Jimin’s legs, because of course.
“Oh my God,” Jimin breathes afterwards, “Oh my God, maybe we shouldn’t see each other more often.”
Yoongi chuckles. He gets up and stretches his hands out for Jimin to grab them. Jimin just whines.
“You’re a literal baby, you know that,” Yoongi says, then he squats down and picks Jimin up.
“Am not,” Jimin mumbles tiredly. Yoongi lets him down on the couch and then lies down right next to him. Jimin immediately snuggles up to him and sighs happily.
“I love you,” he mumbles. Yoongi feels his cheeks heat up. “I love you, too.”
They stay like that for a while. Yoongi presses soft kisses to the top of Jimin’s head every now and then and runs his fingers through his soft, pink hair.
He’s pretty sure Jimin has fallen asleep; his breath goes even and slow.
Yoongi smiles slightly. His free hand that is just loosely placed on Jimin’s hip moves up to Jimin’s hand.
He intertwines their fingers. Today, Jimin is wearing black nail polish. Yoongi has to chuckle.
“Huh,” Jimin mumbles tiredly, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” Yoongi says quietly, “Didn’t know you liked black.”
Jimin rubs his eyes. “Huh?” he makes again, “Oh, right. I needed something to match your clothes.”
Then, he lays his head back down on Yoongi’s chest and closes his eyes again.
Yoongi lies there completely still for a while, just staring at the ceiling. His heart is beating harder than before.
No, there really is absolutely no reason for him to be scared anymore. Because this is it for him. This is how he wants things to be.
It was worth the wait and definitely worth the struggles they had, because now, Yoongi knows he won’t trade it for anything else in this world.
He hopes Jimin feels the same; but when he looks down at him and sees him sleeping peacefully, one hand weakly clutching at Yoongi’s shirt and looking so relaxed and at ease, Yoongi knows.
Yoongi just knows that he does, too.
“You’re sure you wanna do this?” Jeongguk asks for the umpteenth time.
Taehyung looks at him. “Yes,” he says, “But if you don’t want to, I’m just gonna ask Namjoon or –“
“No way.” Jeongguk shakes his head and pulls his chair closer, “I’m not gonna let them set their hands to you.”
Taehyung grins and cards his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair.
“I’m going to love it either way, and believe me, you’re not going to screw up.”
“How are you so sure?” Jeongguk asks.
Taehyung shrugs. “Because it’s you,” he says as if it was obvious.
Being in a relationship with Taehyung hasn’t saved Jeongguk from the constant nagging about wanting a tattoo.
And although at first, Jeongguk was quite persistent when it came to refusing to tattoo Taehyung, the threat to just ask Yoongi or Namjoon or, even better, a completely different tattoo artist finally got to Jeongguk. Because there was no way that he’d let anyone else do this for Taehyung.
“I must love you a lot if your cheap efforts at persuasion manage to convince me.” Jeongguk says. Taehyung grins.
“Love you, too,” he says sweetly.
The tattoo is supposed to go on his thigh – another reason why if, then Jeongguk – he doesn’t necessarily fancy the thought of Taehyung undressing in front of someone else.
“Okay,” Jeongguk says once he’s prepared everything. The motive is a sun; a simple circle, surrounded by a swung ring of rays.
It is rather simple; good for Jeongguk.
“You know this is going to hurt,” he tells Taehyung and glances up at him. Taehyung nods. “I know.”
“Good.” Jeongguk looks back down at Taehyung’s thigh, then he starts.
The skin there is really sensitive. Taehyung winces, but only once or twice, and it only distracts Jeongguk a bit.
“Almost done,” he soothes Taehyung, whereat Taehyung only chuckles. “I know, I can take it.”
Again, the tattoo is small, but it still seems to hold a lot of meaning for Taehyung, because when Jeongguk finally lifts the tattoo gun, rolls his chair back a bit and says, “Finished,” Taehyung looks so touched that Jeongguk fears he might cry.
“You alright?” Jeongguk asks, “Do you like it?” He takes the equipment and starts to clean up.
Taehyung just sits there and stares at the tattoo. “Yeah,” he breathes, “Thank you.”
Jeongguk returns to take care of the tattoo and bandage it. “No problem. But don’t expect me to do this again.”
Maybe it’s not so much the thought of fucking the tattoo up anymore, but rather the fact that he is hurting Taehyung to some extent, and he’s definitely done that enough times.
Taehyung looks at him and smirks. “Oh, what? I thought this was just the beginning.” He giggles when Jeongguk rolls his eyes.
“Well,” he then says, “Guess I’ll have to ask Namjoon-hyung then…”
Jeongguk’s head snaps up. “Okay, no, you know what? Forget it, forget what I said. You want a tattoo, you talk to me. Got it?”
Taehyung grins and nods.
Jeongguk raises one eyebrow at him, then he huffs. “You’re spoiled,” he says and finishes bandaging the tattoo.
“What can I say. My boyfriend makes sure to take good care of me.”
“Sounds like you’re lucky to have him.”
“Indeed. He’s the best.”
Jeongguk glances at Taehyung from under his eyelashes. He hopes he can’t see the blush on his face.
“Alright. We’re done here.” He quickly gets up to put the disinfectants away. From behind him, he can hear steps, and then, two arms wrap around his waist. Jeongguk smiles.
“Hey,” Taehyung says. His voice is muffled by Jeongguk’s shoulder.
“Thanks. I love you.”
Jeongguk’s heart does The Thing™. His left hand grabs Taehyung’s and he intertwines their fingers, then he turns around.
“I love you, too,” he tells him, “A lot.”
Jeongguk still sucks at showing his affection. But he’s getting better. And Taehyung’s patient.
Together, they walk back into the parlor. The lights are dim. It’s dark outside.
“Can I see you again tomorrow?” Taehyung asks, and suddenly, he sounds a bit hesitant. Jeongguk knows why; he isn’t sure how far he can go with Jeongguk. Doesn’t know when things go too fast, get too much.
Jeongguk looks down at his feet.
“Actually,” he says, “I wanted to ask you if… if you’d like to stay the night at my place.”
Taehyung is quiet and Jeongguk doesn’t want to look at him. His heart is pounding against his rip cage.
“Yeah,” Taehyung says, “I’d love that.”
Jeongguk throws a glance at him and cracks a smile, then he grabs Taehyung’s hand and pulls him closer.
“Good,” he whispers right before their lips touch.
Taehyung smiles into the kiss. Jeongguk wraps his arms around his waist. Even with his eyes closed, he knows that Taehyung looks absolutely breathtaking.
The fluorescent lights in the backroom flicker. The neon sign that says Sorry Mom! glows happily.
Somewhere, far away, Jeongguk can hear the city.
In a way, things are still the same. Maybe not exactly; maybe just a hundred times better.
And fuck, Jeongguk would be stupid if he wanted to change anything about it.