Actions

Work Header

Lay It On Me

Chapter Text

“So? You were so eager to set an appointment and now you don’t want to talk?” Dr. Retsu asked after twenty minutes of silence. “I must say it’s a decided improvement from your usual angry Chihuahua state of being, but it worries me nonetheless”.

I decided not to answer her. Instead my fists gritted the arms of the chair and, after an uncontrollable burst of fury, reduced them to splinters with an explosion. Dr. Retsu didn’t even flitch. She was already used to it, after 2 and a half years of therapy I had broken countless chairs, sofas, tables, notebooks and at least a dozen different versions of the fucking Rorschach test. I think that after the second set of pages was blown up she just kept on bringing them to spite me… or to have fun. I don’t know.

“Well, you are wasting my time” My psychiatrist started scribbling down something in her notebook.

I liked her straightforwardness. I choose her because I didn’t want the world to be explained by another man. My mother is right when she says I only ever listen to what women have to say, probably because she was always the assertive voice in the family. But after the first session (in which I, by the way, cost her one office), it became apparent that the only person who could get close to help me was her. She didn’t take any of my shit.

“He’s coming back” I mumbled as she started putting her notebook away. That caught her attention, her eyebrows arched and her lips curled into a tiny and utterly annoying half smile.

“I know, it hit the news. Well, it was about time for him to come back” She said as if she was stating an obvious fact. “How long has it been? Two years?”

“Two and a half, more or less.” I spat avoiding her eyes. She was enjoying this, I knew it.

“Isn’t this what you were waiting for?”

“Dreading is the word I’d use.” I started noticing all the symptoms she brought up from the first day. I was avoiding her eyes, crossing my arms tightly around my chest and snapping as if every word directed at me was some sort of insult.

“Why’s that?” And now she was tapping the pen against the notebook, as if trying to get me to explode. “One would think that you’d be exhilarated.”

“You know pretty damn well why.”

“Yes, and I would like you to say it.”

“Why’s that?” And there it was, I was snapping and shouting again. Little explosions were coming out of my hands and arms. She knew how to push my buttons. “It doesn’t sound practical.”

“Maybe because you are used to bottling every facsimile of an emotion in a vacuum pressured bottle, to the point which you hardly ever know how to react confronted by basic human interactions like, a hug, a word of comfort, a fucking ‘hello’.” She trailed off as she scribbled in her notebook. “Your refusal to confront this sooner drove you to make the stupidest of mistakes and to almost ruin all of your relationships with people. It ruined the relationship you claim to care the most about, somehow. And now you are faced with the chance to, maybe, make things right. But you will not be able to make things right if you keep on that stupid angry Chihuahua, blasty mcexplosion, Tsundere attitude. It took you two years to understand why you are an asshole but sadly there’s nothing I can do to help you stop being one, that’s something you have to do on your own. And you had, you are a better person now. One method I think it’d help you is to be honest and vocal about your feelings OTHER than annoyance and anger. You have succeeded, you did it this past two years, but the real challenge begins now. You cannot be blocked by Izuku’s presence. For you to move forward, he has to see the new you.”

“What the fuck old hag!” The following explosion made the office shake. A couple of books fell from their bookshelves but she remained unfazed.

“So. Why are you dreading Izuku coming home after all these years?”.

 

*

 

The events which lead Izuku to leave and become the phenomenon he became are a lot. Thus the tale is long so if you really want to hear it, sit down, shout your fucking mouths, and listen. I will not tell this tale twice.

It all began when Izuku lost his powers. And that happened because of one of those stupid reasons only someone so stupidly selfless like Deku could fall for.

It was quite simple really. During a raid of villains we had grown so used to by then, a lot of things went wrong. We thought we had all under control, but the attack on students was nothing but a smoke screen to cover what they were actually trying to do. While both teachers and students were busy fighting D class villains, the real bulk of the League infiltrated the prison in which All for One was kept captive and freed him.

Then everything went to hell.

A fight the kind of which no one had seen, not even in the most exaggerated hero movie, broke off when the strongest members of the League came charging with All For One as their leader. The League of Villains had something we didn’t, a moral boost. They had their figurehead, while our Symbol of Peace was nothing but a walking skeleton, and our number 1 hero was an abusive asshole. Even Tomura, the creepy handy guy, looked like he could fight without panicking or having one of his existential emo attacks.

Us, the students, were the ones with the highest moral. And that, in a decisive battle, wasn’t really encouraging. But I couldn’t see that back then. I was desperate for enacting my revenge on those who kidnaped me and made a fool out of me. I still was sore about the fact that I had to be rescued by 2 people I didn’t really like, a girl whose name I couldn’t remember, Hair for Brains and fucking Deku.

I, thus, was reckless. Stupidly so. I took risks which sometimes paid off, and sometimes didn’t. I brought down ten villains on my own, but both my legs were broken and my sweat was mixing with my blood, making my explosions become weaker and inconsistent. My situation was absolutely dire. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t fight, but even in that state I was throwing explosions left and right and shouting stupid and incoherent shit.

Before anyone could take me out of the battlefield to get medical attention, All For One stood before me, silencing me with his towering presence. I couldn’t make what his expression meant, because his face looked nothing like a human. But I know what expression I had: fear. He had finished whipping the floor with Deku, Half ‘n’ Half and Aizawa and had left them bleeding a couple of feet away from me.

I don’t remember what his exact words were, but I do remember the subject: he was fascinated with my Quirck. I knew what that meant, I knew what his powers were. I had two seconds to enter in a state of despair, I didn’t want to lose my quirk.

I realized, in those two seconds my brain worked as hard as it had never before, that in all my life the only thing that defined me as a person was my quirk. It was the fact that I was naturally stronger than everybody. And what had I made with that power? What had I archived?

I pushed away and bullied the living shit out of my best childhood friend because he was powerless. I let my anger and hatred dominate me because I knew no one would dare say a thing in fear I would blown their faces away. I had no close or real friends.

What was without my quirk then? An angry fuckboy. I was smart, but not smart enough. I wasn’t friendly, I wasn’t wise, I didn’t care much about others than my family and Kirishima occasionally. I was nothing.

But I didn’t lose my powers. Before All For One’s quirk could make effect on me, a bloody figure stood between me and him. Deku. The person I had all my life told was worth nothing, whom I had considered a useless nerd. The person I identified weakness with. The person I absolutely didn’t want to become.

In an All Might fashion he got to give All for One one 100% punch to the face knocking him out. But the damage was done. After delivering the damage, and thus breaking his arm in a million pieces, he immediately noticed he couldn’t use his quirk anymore. Or… better put, he didn’t have his quirk anymore.

Deku’s punch was the decisive point of no return for the villains. The moral of both pro heroes and students was lifted; there was even a silent comment that Deku was the new symbol of peace and all. It was a joke, but people for a second believed it and fought as if they had a new All Might. They didn’t know he was quirkless again. That didn’t stop him though. His broken limbs didn’t stop him either. He dragged himself through the floor with tears in his eyes closer to me. There was worry in his eyes.

He asked me if I was okay.

I started crying too.

One week later, one by one everybody in our class started leaving the hospital. Most of us were in intensive care, and there weren’t many chances for us to talk to each other. With the help of Recovery Girl and other medical heroes which came from all over Japan to take care of us, most of us were recovering fast. Everybody except, of course, Deku.

Not only his arm was broken in a million pieces, and no procedure would bring it back 100% to normal. His quirk was gone, definitely, irrevocably, gone.

My room was next to his. Every day I spent in that god awful place I walked to his room, stood in front of his door, always with a different reason in my mind. Sometimes I wanted to shout at him for being so fucking stupid, why did he do that for me? I was nothing but a piece of shit to him anyway, he was proving nothing sacrificing himself for me. He was just an idiot. Sometimes I just wanted to go and apologize for everything. And sometimes I wanted to go, get on my knees and thank him from the bottom of my heart for saving me, even if the sole thought of doing that felt like hot nails being buried in my pride.

I didn’t have THE epiphany I would have later. But after the events which led him to lose his quirk for my sake I started manifesting my feelings more. This weren’t good news, since I was shit doing it.

Our beds were only separated by a thin wall. Every night he would cry. Sometimes they were only mute sobs, but sometimes it was a full force heartshattering cry which didn’t fail making me cry too. I didn’t have the courage to stand up and go to him. Even if I didn’t say anything, a little part of me knew that it wasn’t good that he was alone. But for all the strength I thought I had, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

His mother and All Might were allowed to visit him. Then it’s when the real crying started. His mother was relieved that he was fine, and told him many times how proud she was of him, how he was the best hero she had seen in her life, how she should’ve been on board with his dreams sooner. All Might gave the touching speech one would expect him to do. He told him that he made no mistake when he chose him as his successor, than the previous One for All holders would be proud of him, that he had surpassed them all in selflessness.

My mother also started coming to visit me, and after hearing what happened and not succeeding in making me go and thank Deku she went herself to kneel in front of him, a gesture that had them both crying. I heard it all through the wall.

I so wanted to be the one saying all of that. I wanted to go and tell him that I should’ve supported his dream of being a hero, because he was a far better one than myself. I should’ve told him that All Might paled in comparison to him. I should’ve been the one kneeling. But I didn’t have the courage.

I left the hospital a couple of days later. Classes returned back to normal, only with Deku’s seat empty. While all of this happened, every news station in the nation was celebrating Deku almost as if he was a national hero (which he technically was). Everybody in our class asked me if I knew how he was or when he was coming back. They didn’t know, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell them. Round Face, that freak with glasses and Half ‘n’ Half insisted more than the others, correctly deducing that I knew more than I let out.

But I didn’t get the chance to burst in anger out of my numbness and lash against them. Aizawa and All Might together one morning explained everybody everything. The nature of Deku’s power, the nature of All for One’s power, and what happened when he saved me.

To try and explain what happened later would be impossible, for I didn’t care much about the feelings of others. Some didn’t believe it and when immediately to Deku, only to find out it was true. The general feeling was depression and gloom. But, as I said, I don’t know or care how others felt.

I, on the other hand, was experiencing a new rainbow of shit in the form of emotions I never in my life felt.

First of all, I felt guilt. It was my fault that Deku was quirkless. He had to save me because I was reckless and made a mess of myself in the middle of a fight. My pride and hatred blinded me to the danger in front of me. I knew some of the others deep down thought that too, Icyhot and the Frog Girl were good examples of this. They didn’t even look at me anymore.

Second. I felt regret. I regretted how I treated Deku through the years. I regretted not having that friend, which I knew was the only real friend I had at that time, to share this burden with. I regretted having made his life a living hell all those years. I regretted not acknowledging his strength. I regretted not being able to go and see him, apologize and thank him like I should. I regretted pushing everybody in our class away, for now I was truly alone.

Third, I felt weak. If I had been just a tad stronger, I could’ve avoided this whole situation, and that fluff of green hair would be sitting behind me as usual, and I would have more chances to rebuild what I had broken. Who knew? If I had been stronger we could’ve been friends.

And lastly, I felt a new kind of visceral anger. It filled my veins with rage and hatred. It was like a fire burning deep in my chest, making everything sore and numb. Kirishima noticed, bless that guy. I didn’t snapped at people anymore, but not because I was becoming nicer, but because now my anger was going inwards, not outwards.

I was certainly more aggressive than before, and that became apparent during a joint training we did with the people from class 1B. I even went as far as punching Metalhead from class 1B through a wall and keep on doing it until my hands started bleeding.

Aizawa Sensei, Kirishima and some other extras had to drag me so I wouldn’t seriously hurt him. The guy only fainted, I on the other hand left the fight with all my fingers broken and a suspension that lasted for a whole week. Also, according to Hair For Brains I was crying and shouting nonsense about Deku. Which was… let’s say, embarrassing, at the very least.

Oh, also, Aizaka said that if I wanted to go on in UA I had to go to a therapist to sort out my “anger issues”. That also sucked. My mother agreed that I needed to see a therapist, and deep down so did I.

My first session with Dr. Retsu was a disaster. At first I didn’t speak and neither did she. She was just looking at me as if trying to decipher me. But that didn’t make me burn her office down. It was her succession of questions which threw me to the edge.

“I was briefed with your case, but there are some things I don’t understand” She finally said after half an hour of silence. “The report says your relationship with Izuku Midoriya was, to put it simply, shit. Yet you seem quite disturbed. Why is it? Is it because, even if he is, in your world view, clearly weaker than you he saved you?”

“This has nothing to do with Deku” I snapped with the same cold anger I had lived since the incident.

“I happen to believe it does” She said calmly while leaning forward. “I asked some of your fellow students to describe you; the general consensus is that you are not particularly good expressing any emotion other than anger. Then why are you expressing regret, guilt and, even sadness I dare to say, now that Izuku Midoriya is prostrated in a hospital bed?”

“I’m not feeling regret or any other shitty emotion like that!” I shouted angrily. “Did you get your tittle on amazon or something? Because you are shit! I want my fucking money back.”

“Your powers are amazing Bakugou” She said ignoring my burst of anger. “With them you can basically wrap the reality around you to make everything suit your needs, for what your mother told me you had made use of them to control everything around you since you were a child. It must be hard being faced with a situation you have no control over. Are you angry no amount of your power will be able to fix Midoriya or your relationship with him?”

And then I lost it. I started trashing everything while Dr. Retsu sat, not bothered by it, looking at me with attention while a made her bookshelves, her desk and the walls of her office blow to pieces. She only moved to comfort me. She had to comfort me because, when I finished making havoc in her office, I started crying my eyes out. She was right after all. After that I went to visit her twice a week. I even went as far as to apologize for breaking her office.

During all the time between the moment I left the hospital and the moment I decided to go to the therapist, Deku had his own personal growth montage.

When the rest of the class learnt what happened there wasn’t a day he spent alone. His four closest friends, Round Face, Frong girl, Icyhot and the Glasses freak spent every day with him. But the rest wasn’t far behind. Birdface, the French sissy and a couple of girls made it their personal goal to visit him at least once a week. Kirishima and the rest of his squad (except me of course) visited him every Tuesday and Thursday after practice.

Even the creepy guy from general studies, the creepy machine girl, TinTin-sempai and two annoying five year olds went to visit him in almost daily basis. While he was surrounded with love and affection, I buried myself deeper in my own regret. A feeling I could only share with an unknown therapist. It was progress nonetheless.

Which is why, when he made the decision to leave Japan and travel the world I only found out when he was already in a plane to Russia or Bosnia. At first I was angry at my classmates for not telling me, but as Kirishima noted, I had no right to know, since I had ignored him all that time. I realized in that moment that everybody resented me at least a little, and they were right.

The first success of my therapy was getting me to apologize to my class.

“I disappointed everyone” I said one morning going to the front of the class and bowing. “As it stands right now I’m a lousy excuse of a hero, and I don’t deserve the sacrifice Izuku did for me. But I’ll try to honour it” Every word felt like a stab to my ego, and even if I couldn’t see them I knew the faces everybody was making and that only enraged me, but I had to get this out of my system. “My behaviour in the past has been reprehensible and, although I’m working to change, I don’t think it will happen soon. So please forgive me and help me become a better person.”

I will not say what happened later, because I’m embarrassed still by it. I cannot believe I said all those things. My face was red while and after speaking. But the results were, as Dr. Retsu predicted, positive. Kirishima went as far as crying “manly” tears. Not everybody forgave my behaviour immediately, but their attitude towards me changed. They were more open and patient. I, in return, tried my best to bring the anger down a notch or two.

It was because I opened to people that I started getting news of Izuku. Ochako and the others would show me the pictures Izuku would send them of the amazing places he’d been to, and update me about what he was doing. They even encouraged me to talk to him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. I did follow him on instagram though.

He didn’t follow me back though, which is not really a surprise since he has like 76 and a half million followers. Oh. Did I miss that part of the tale? Well, fuck you, you should know by now.

He was told that if he wanted to use his arm again he had to start doing an activity that involved his fingers or else he was going to lose them forever. So he started playing the piano and the guitar as a hobby. And he was really good at it. At the beginning he would upload videos of him making covers and playing the ukulele in some weird place, like a grassy field in Argentina or over a coral reef in Australia.

He became popular in the niche of Indie and Folk singers. Soon he was no longer making videos but appearing in concerts of bigger singers as a support artist. He made a YouTube channel which grew within a year from 10K to 100K to a million subscribers. Then he skyrocketed. He started using his platform to talk about politics and the current state of heroism.

He defenestrated what Stain, the Hero Killer, had implanted in the heads of everyone long ago. With his videos, which were slowly getting millions upon millions of views and being quoted by every academic or news teller in the world, he slowly built up confidence for heroes again.

He agreed that heroes had to be, as Stain said, selfless. But that didn’t condone his actions, and it wasn’t like there weren’t enough selfless heroes around. If anything, by transforming heroes into commodities and not public servants, we had reduced them to something similar McDonald’s chains. In that world, the flashiest of heroes shone while the selfless ones withered away, because they weren’t the popular ones. He talked in lengths about Aizawa-Sensei, a rather dark hero, and all the times he sacrificed himself for our sake. Or how TinTin-Sempai saved a girl losing his quirk in the process. Or the many times heroes had selflessly acted without any consideration for fame.

Heroes, he said, had to get better at what they did, since it was the implicit oath they took as public servants. But it was the responsibility of the people to, on one hand, put their trust in them, and on the other, to raise the standards. No matter how high the standards were, heroes would overachieve, because they were the keepers of peace.

Those words changed the world. Public faith was once again placed in heroes. The popularity of heroes broke the roofs of every chart. And heroes answered accordingly. The standards had risen and the heroes were better. It was, in a twisted way, what Stain dreamed of. Only that Deku archived it through peace, not through killing everybody.

Izuku Midoriya was the hero of the hero community.

And while he did all that, he had the time to give the world great music. I’m not kidding or exaggerating when I say this. I love his music. After his first original EP, which became quite popular in our class, I waited patiently for him to publish a second one, then a third, then a whole album. It became a sort of tradition for our class to have Deku’s music blasting through the halls and rooms of our dorm.

Every piece of music he composed was better than the one that came before it. And that was for the better. Because through his music I realized what was buried so deep inside me. The reason I was so scared of him coming back, the reason I was so scared of talking to him again after all of those years, the twisted reason I was an asshole.

What I felt for my childhood friend was warm in my chest. But I did not dare to give a name to it.

 

*

 

“So. Why are you dreading Izuku coming home after all these years?”

I looked at her with a frown, but in reality I was at the verge of tears. “It was easier to make hypothetical scenarios of how I would talk to him after all of this time. Now that I’m going to face the real shit, I’m nervous.” I confessed. “And on the other hand… if everything goes as I want it to go, if Izuku has a place in his heart for me after all of… everything… then I don’t think I will believe I deserve it, because I don’t.”

Chapter Text

“Todoroki-kun get the chips already” Uraraka sounded as irritated as usual. It was hard being the only one stirring the waters and getting the guys to do something.

 

“You know we can talk without chips in front of us” I joked taking a bite out of my potatoes.

 

“I second that idea” Tsuyu said from the distance.

 

Only Uraraka was in frame, the rest of the gang eluded the webcam and thus I couldn’t see them. But I could hear them clearly. Iida was running around as usual making sure everything was in order for he didn’t want to leave anything out of place before sitting down. Tsuyu was probably fixing herself a cup of tea, and was probably really tired, nigh time wasn’t her thing. Todoroki was behind the kitchen counter of the dorms looking for a bag of chips, knowing him he was probably having an internal debate on the advantages and disadvantages of salt and vinegar chips vs jalapeño flavoured sweet potatoes.

 

“Guys, come on, if we make any more noise Aizawa-sensei will kill us” Uraraka cried completely contradicting her own message.

 

“We can do this other day if you want” I offered. “I don’t want to get you guys into trouble.”

 

“You are not escaping this call Deku” Uraraka snapped pointing her screen with her finger. “You missed our last call in favour of that stupid concert of yours!”

 

 

“Okay, ouch.” I put my hand on my chest faking it hurt me. Todoroki finally came with the chips, Tsuyu appeared in the screen too with a cup of steaming something in her hands and Iida, last but not least, took her place next to Uraraka. Everybody looked really tired, and it was no surprise given that it was almost 2 a.m. in Japan. “First of all, it was not a stupid concert, it was a charity event, we rise 500 grand for the affected after the hurricane in Southeast Asia.”

 

“Don’t you have like one of those every week?” Tsuyu asked.

 

“Well, someone has to work” I sassed. “Anyway, how are you guys doing?”

 

“Oh well, it’s been a hard week, but our class made an excellent progress academically speaking. Every student is thriving in their respective internships and I’m confident we’ll all graduate this year” Iida said mechanically, his eyes shining with pride. Only he could make being so uptight kind of endearing.

 

“Thanks Iida, but I meant… you know, emotionally.” I chuckled.

 

“Last week I went with Yaomomo on an official date, we went to the cinema, she wanted to watch a movie which I thought was boring but I read in a book one should not point that out so we watched that one but then she got angry with me because I didn’t tell her I enjoyed the movie and now I’m confused because I don’t understand why she’s angry if we watched the movie she wanted to see.” Todoroki spouted in one breath. He actually kept on talking, but it was so classically dorky I couldn’t stop myself from laughing and not listening.

 

“She just wanted both of you to have fun, next time try with an Adam Sandler movie, they are all bad, so you will at least suffer together” I offered.

 

“I don’t know how that’ll work, but if you say so” Todoroki said thoughtfully.

 

It was our little tradition. Once a week I would call them or they would call me. It was the only way we thought would be possible for us to keep in touch, and it had worked. For the first months after I left it was impossible for me to chat with them in a daily basis, most of the time I was in a no internet zone, my phone had fallen down a cliff or into the water, or I didn’t have the resources to afford WiFi.

 

Well, to say the least, my time as a backpacker was rough around the edges at the beginning. But there’s a lot of things you can do once you learn how to play one instrument or two. I financed my trips step by step playing in the streets and getting little jobs as a waiter, or working for the hostels I stayed in. I even saved enough to buy my first camera and started recording what I found interesting about my trips. I became, somehow, a bit popular. And with the help of people in the internet who had a spare dollar or two I slowly built something more reliable.

 

It was then when we decided, collectively, that if we didn’t make it an obligation to see each other then we weren’t going to do it. So every week since then we had talked. We tried fixing a date but that proved impossible. Their timetables as students of UA was incredibly tight, the times zones were all over the place, and since I gained popularity I started having less and less time. But we never failed to our promise, and every week for the past year and a half we had talked at least 3 hours a week through videochat.

 

“Our lives as students are not really that interesting” Tsuyu lamented. “Please tell us about you.”

 

“There’s not much to tell really” I sighed. “I’ve been feeling a bit nervous you know?”

 

“Why?” Uraraka asked, making the same worried face the others had.

 

“Nothing serious you guys” I quickly said waiving my hands in front of my face. “I just… it’s been so long you know. I miss you guys to pieces. But I don’t know how I’ll feel going back to visit UA. I don’t feel like I should. I know Kirishima is excited about this reunion party in the dorms, but I can’t stop the feeling that I might be out of place there.”

 

“Oh come on Deku” Uraraka said with a cheerful yet tranquil smile. “You are a part of class 1A. We think of you like the exchange student.”

 

“Besides, with all the effort Kirishima is putting in this party if you were not to come he would be very angry” Todoroki looked straight into my eyes through the screen. The intensity of that look was… unnecessary let’s say.

 

“I’m going guys, It’s not like I’m having second thoughts abou-.” I stopped midsentence as a wave of pain went from my right arm to the rest of my body and back to my arm. I unconsciously winced and heavily sighed. Now they looked really worried.

 

“Izuku are you okay?” Tsuyu asked concerned as she always was when stuff like that happened.

 

“Is your arm hurting?” Iida asked moving his glasses forward. “That was a stupid question, sorry.”

 

“No, it’s okay” I said half smiling. “They don’t have the painkillers I take here in Lanzarote, it’s not surprising since it’s a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. It’s inconvenient though.”

 

“Then take another pill, for god’s sake!” Uraraka exclaimed. “It’s not like there aren’t enough painkillers around.”

 

“I don’t really like putting drugs in my body, taking that painkiller at the beginning was complicated enough on its own.” I answered firmly. It’s not like I didn’t appreciate their concern, but I didn’t like talking about the subject.

 

“What about the other thing you take?” Todoroki asked knowing well that no one in that room was really passionate about that subject.

 

“I have an interview in a couple of hours, and I’m not particularly smart when I’m stoned. Can you guys please let this slide?” I pleaded scratching my quasi-broken arm. “Can we talk about, literally, anything else?”

 

“Yeah, sure” Uraraka conceded and quickly changed the subject. “Did your mother got used to planes and flights after all?”

 

“Oh god no” I laughed. “She stayed in Rome, she couldn’t take another flight even if I begged her. She’s doing her own slow motion train tour. We are meeting again in Romania, then we’ll take a train to Frankfurt and then a plane to Japan. She won’t even consider taking a pill to soothe, but then again, she has the same aversion I have towards them.”

 

“Romania? Lanzawhatever? Why can’t you just visit a normal place like Miami or Paris!” Uraraka joked.

 

“There’s no fun in going back to places I’ve already been. Except of course to visit you guys whom I love a lot.” I quickly added before any of them could attempt to sass.

 

“Yeah, whatever hippie thing you just said, but you promised presents from London, Paris and New York!” Tsuyu noted putting one finger on her lips. “And I don’t see how you can visit those places in your way to god damned Romania.”

 

“That’s because the only places you can think of is New York or Miami, god the world is bigger than that!” I laughed at that. “I’m going to start thinking that you just want me to come back for the presents. If that’s the case then don’t panic. I already have them packed.”

 

*

 

-The guys are talking to Midoriya, you know?- The message of Kirishima popped at the corner of the screen of my laptop. I decided to ignore it, as I had ignored the many times he had informed me or invited me to join them in the living room for the last years. –I’m joining them, wanna come?-  I dragged his message to the trash bin and kept on scrolling down some random page while I waited for the live stream of that Spanish TV Show Deku was going to appear on.

 

- I’m telling him you are waiting for him then ;) –

 

I debated with myself whether I should answer him and tell him to fuck off and not do something stupid like that. But that would be admitting I was up and if he knew that he’d do his best to drag me out of my room. Besides, he was not entirely wrong. I was waiting for him, but not for the reasons that winky face implied. Well… to be entirely honest that was also the case. But it was at the bottom of my priorities list.

 

 

Many times I had to fight the urge of going to the living room of the dorms while that quartet of imbeciles were talking with Izuku, blast them away and sit on my own to talk to him. I hated that I couldn’t bring myself to even appear in screen while all the others happily chipped around for hours with no end.

 

Kirishima and Uraraka were always the more excited ones, the more willing to ask him all the questions about where he was or what was he doing. But Froglady and Motorized legs were always there, never having skipped one talk. Even the poorly backed bastard found something other than Yaoyorozu to be excited about. Sometimes I wondered if his girlfriend ever felt jealous of how happy he’d get about talking with Izuku. I know I do.

 

I felt quite pathetic. I was, at that moment, the stereotype of a stalker emo otaku failure of a teenage student. All the lights of my room were off, my laptop being the brightest thing around. I was wrapped around my blanket, the only thing I had in fact was my blanket and a pair of boxers. If it wasn’t because the fact that people instantly labelled me as a “Bad Boy” they would correctly think I was a fucking nerd. Ironically.

 

My train of thought suddenly came to an end as the live stream started. After the introduction of the show they started playing songs of Izuku’s last EP while they finished organizing everything, probably. I wasn’t going to be the one complaining though, for more than I listen to his music all the time and had them on repeat in my playlists I could never get tired of his music.

 

His music packaged in around three minutes so much emotion sometimes it hurt. He made three EP’s, the first 2, with five songs each and one Album. And although I couldn’t pick a favourite and loved them all equally I could definitely notice he was getting better and better at it.

 

The first two EPs were called Wanderlust and Pompeii, his album, which came after, was called “I Told My Therapist About You”. When it came out I had an incoherent panic attack thinking that he could read my mind or something, since the only thing I did with my therapist was to talk about him.

 

In the first two his music was soothing and peaceful, those ten songs gave him the nickname ‘The Hero Whisperer’ (you know, like the Dog Whisperer, they didn’t think hard). They were simple songs, with 3 instruments and Izuku’s voice which acted like the lead singer and the choirs. I Told My Therapist About You was different though, it had its fair share of peaceful and soothing songs, but they were stained with a tint of angst. The rest of the songs were more like odes, never going as far as to go rock ‘n’ roll or anything, but he did shift up a gear. He added to his music stuff from all the cultures he’d visited thus far, in one song he would mix a fast paced chorus with violins, which reminded one of an army of mariachis, playing at the background. In another song he would completely turn the expectations and add what sounded like a Russian military chorus to the instrumental part of the song.

 

But what had me upside down and begging for more was his last EP, Going Home, which consisted of only 3 songs. It was an exhilarating on one hand, for the songs were like the synthesis of his previous work, one notch down. But on the other hand, it was painful that we only had 3 god damned songs.

 

My train of thought was brought to an end once more as the interview started. In fact, I had been so caught up nerding about his songs that I had missed the stupid introduction they probably made him go through.

 

Izuku was sitting on one of those lunges especially prepared for quirky interviews. Speaking of quirky, the interviewer, a Spanish guy who was making an effort to speak in English, was apparently famous because every time he laughed his skin would change colours. There was a running bet between his hosts on how many colours they could make him change to in one interview. Izuku had already seen his face go from red to blue and from blue to indigo. And it had been only twenty minutes since the beginning of the interview.

 

“So tell me about the new EP” The host changed the subject abruptly from the introductions to the juicy news we were all waiting for. “I must say we were all a bit disappointed with its length”

 

“I guess I should apologize for that huh?” Izuku asked aching a brow.

No, you don’t have to apologize for shit idiot. I wanted to say so badly. It was hard to focus when I had an HD image of him in front of me. He was, to say the least, delectable. After what lead him to lose his quirk and almost lose his arm he was told he couldn’t do the same kind of exercises he had been doing up until then. But I guess he couldn’t fight against an adopted habit and, although he wasn’t the beefy hunk he was before and was leaning more towards the fit twinkish tennis player, he was still in great shape.

 

I would lie if I said I didn’t droll over the invasive pictures some paparazzi took of him and his mother when they were in a beach somewhere in Malabo doing a charity event. Which is not to say I wouldn’t blast that guy to the moon for invading his privacy. Fucking asshole.

 

He almost singlehandedly imposed the fashion of using long cardigans over his clothes, silky or incredible thick depending on the time of the year. Right now he had a black one which fell from his shoulders in a way it reminded me of a young and rebellious Stevie Nicks. Since it was summer he was wearing a pair of really, and I mean obscenely, tight shorts and a sleeveless white shirt. And since he had been in the beach under the sun doing meetups and whatnot, he had this beautiful tan highlighting his best features, like the shape of his gorgeous green eyes, and the unruly mop of green hair.

I felt all warm inside while looking at him. I liked him to the moon and back, but I couldn’t tell if it was because I was horny and confused, or only because I wanted to make things better with him so badly that my perspective was blurred. I couldn’t say I knew him anymore, since it had been so long since we had properly talked. And even two and a half years ago I couldn’t honestly say I knew him since I was busy… you know, being a huge pain in the ass. Liking him thus felt like something foreign, more similar to having a crush on a celebrity than having conflictive feelings for your childhood friend.

 

“… which is not to say it’s a bad EP, I mean, it broke the charts! Although that’s not something unusual with your music” The host joked.

 

“I took inspiration from early soul music. I believe that it’s a genre that doesn’t have much exposure, since it was so closely associated with black people in a time in which they suffered the worst kind of discrimination.” Izuku explained with his nerdy eyes shining. “I guess it’s a tad… or a lot appropriative for a rich Japanese dude to use their music, but I really do want to make it more known to people.”

 

Then he started listing a whole bunch of obscure soul artists I’ve never heard on my life. I didn’t think anybody would have a problem with him doing that. In his entire career he had been nothing but respectful of the cultures he visited, and did all in his power to give them the recognition they deserved. By now, he was associated with so many charities that he put most people to shame. He was, after all, a hero.

 

“Wow, that’s a lot to take in!” The host had to stop his mumbling though. As usual, when Izuku was passionate about something he would trail off and lose perspective of what was important. “Now, the question everybody’s been asking. Who did you dedicate the songs to? Who’s the lucky girl, or boy?”

 

“Oh but they are not love songs, I mean, not specifically” Izuku chuckled. His cheeks became faintly pink in the cutest blush I’d seen in my life.

 

“How come!?” Now the host was surprised.

 

“In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever written a love song, like in couple’s love.” Izuku started giggling now. He was so fucking cute it hurt. “I guess my first songs were about my mother, and I love her, but it’s not the love you are talking about.”

 

“But your lasts songs, they clearly talk about someone especial!” The host pressed the subject with rising interest.

 

“They are about friendship.” Izuku explained softly with a smile. “Friends can be special!”

 

“Well, it’s a very intense friendship.” The host laughed turning lime green. “I mean, in one line you remember ‘your friend’ getting under the covers of your bed.”

 

“Have you never made blanket forts in your house as a kid?” Izuku asked arching a brow mischievously as if he was already expecting this kind off questions. 

 

“It’s also a very conflictive friendship” the host gets serious now.

 

“Well, as you said, it was a very intense friendship” Izuku sighed again. “Human relationships are extremely complicated. I had to come to terms with this relationship a long time ago; this is in a way my farewell ode to it.”

 

“There’s indeed a sad undertone in the lyrics, even if the music is cheerful.”

 

“But it’s not weird for people to experience conflictive emotions at the same time. Heroes often find fulfilment out of the most stressful situations, like fighting an extremely powerful villain. But even in day to day events people find this little antithetical moments refreshing, like a mother who says goodbye to his kid when he or she leaves for school. She’s sad she’ll not see the kid again but she’s glad he’ll return being a better and more prepared person.” Izuku explained with a cheerful smile.

 

“Does Going Home also align to the fact you are literally returning home?”

 

“Of course it does. The EP is an open question which I hope I can answer with the Album I’m working with.” Izuku explained. “One could interpret the EP as my effort of trying to come to terms with my life in Japan, I hope in my album I can answer that question.”

 

“Well, it’s not surprising, you had quite an eventful life back there.” After that the host went about talking Deku’s time in UA and they even showed clips from the only sport’s festival he was in.

 

The interview stopped being interesting right after that moment. Izuku commented on the political situation of the world at the moment, which was basically shit. He said he dreamed of going to university and study political sciences or literature or something nerdy like that. But all of that I already knew, there wasn’t an interview of him I haven’t read or seen.

 

Hi songs were about an old friendship. That was all I cared in that moment.

 

I immediately played his EP again, in order, song by song, upside down. I played it in every direction possible to try and decipher it. Izuku didn’t have many friends besides me when he was little, mostly because I was an abrasive little shit when we were five year olds, and later because I was a proactive piece of shit. I tried scanning our past to see if there was another person in it Izuku could be talking about, because there was no way in hell such beautiful songs were about… me? I mean, I wasn’t stupid not to realize there were some parallels. I even remembered when we built a pillow fort in my house.

 

But then again. Such beautiful music couldn’t be about a piece of shit like me.

 

What if it was about Round Face? Or the others? That’d make more sense, now that we are 18 it’s easier to think of the time we were 14 or 15 as if we were kids. But then again, what coming to terms had Izuku to do in regards his relationship with Round Face? His popularity always dragged his group of friends with him, so many times both of them were asked if they were some sort of star crossed lovers only to be met with laughs and annoyance. The answer was always a soft but firm no.

 

I was thinking too much into it. Izuku probably was making it up for his music to appear smarter than it was. Well, no. That’s a lie. His music is smart and he has always thought a great deal about what he produced. Fuck.

 

The first song of the EP was Golden Like, and it was about letting go of someone so close to him, every memory he shared with that person was tainted in a golden light, it was the simplest of the songs, being played in an acoustic guitar only. This wasn’t a disappointment, since it meant that I could listen to Izuku’s voice in its purest and simplest form.

 

The second one was called Without You, and it was about someone being better off without that certain someone in his life. It was a much more complex song, with electronic beats, drums and a low bass setting the pace of the song in an almost hypnotic way.

 

The last song was called Going Home, as the EP. It was the one which was interpreted to be a love song. It was about someone travelling back somewhere, it was vague if he was travelling with another person or not, because the song in a couple of verses talked about two people. In the end it made an appreciation: even if they don’t get home, they won’t be alone.

 

The first two songs were clear. Izuku didn’t particularly like that person and was trying to get over him. The third one though, it somehow talked about finding home together with that person. And it didn’t make sense. Izuku spent the bulk of the two other songs basically saying that, for much that it pained him, he had to let go of that person.

 

*

 

I didn’t sleep. And since nothing happens inside my head other than a montage of DekuDekuDekuDekuDeku I had nothing else to bring up to my therapist the next morning. Dr. Retsu, with a kind of patience possibly only she could muster, listened to me and then to Izuku’s songs.

 

“You think he’s talking about you?” She asked almost amused. “Don’t you think it’s a bit arrogant from you?”

 

“I don’t know if he’s fucking talking about me” I growled and crossed my arms. She could almost read my mind by then, I was certain. “It doesn’t make sense. That’s all. I just wanted to hear your opinion, but you certainly prefer to nag so I’d rather leave now.”

 

“No no no. Wait” She said between giggles. “Okay, let’s do the mental exercise of overanalysing the music of a hormonal eighteen years old to find the hidden meaning of existence. Geez you guys are intense.” I rolled my eyes at her.

 

“I think your problem is that you are analysing the songs as if the first and the second are part of a group and the third of another. But the way I see it, the third and the first have more in common, and could belong to the same group, and the second is levitating somewhere above them.” She said thoughtfully. “One could make an analogy for ‘Home’ in this EP not as a literal place, but as the memories he shares with this person. According to him, the memories they share are golden. And even if he has to let go of that person he can treasure those moments.”

 

“And there’s a failure in your analysis. Never in the songs Midoriya says that he wanted to let go of that person, he just HAD to let go of that person. “Going Home then would be his attempt to come to terms with those memories. He is conflicted with the fact they are bright in his memory when he, in fact, knows they are shit. So he wants to go back and revisit them alone or with that other person. If he arrives home he’ll come to term with those memories through realizing they weren’t so shitty after all. If he doesn’t, he’ll come to terms with them by acknowledging they were shit. But in both scenarios, he’s not discarding the possibility of going through that journey with that other person, he doesn’t even discard failing. But he does express his desire to be happy again with that person.”

 

I looked at her dumbfounded at her explanation. She interpreted it in such a radically different way I had it hurt my ego a little.

 

“But then again, that’d be to assume Midoriya has the emotional intelligence of a middle aged academic feminist, which I don’t believe he has.” Dr. Retsu sighed. “If he has it, then he’s really a genius. And you should be thinking more on how are you going to talk to him again and not about some cryptic message that may or may not be in his songs.”

 

*

 

“Bakugou!” Round Face called my name that night while I was cooking. “Did you watch Deku’s interview last night?”

 

“Why the fuck would I watch a boring interview” I spat gluing my eyes (and my blush) on the stew I was cocking. “I don’t have that much time to lose like you idiots.”

 

“Yeah, I agree, he was so cute in those shorts” She went on as if I had said something completely different. She sat on the kitchen counter next to me and looked at me with her big and intense eyes. “It surprised me a lot to realize ‘Zuku dedicated three songs to you. If you ask me you deserve like two Pacman beats.” She joked and grabbing a spoon tasted some of my stew. After I started trying to be a better person, she and I became… civil with each other. “It’s disgusting. Why do you put so much spice in!?”

 

“Why do you taste other’s people food without their permission!?” I snapped taking the spoon out of her hand and throwing it to the sink. I breathed a couple of times and attempted to continue that ‘civil chat of colleagues’. “He didn’t dedicate shit to me, don’t go around putting those ideas in public. Some stupid paparazzi will think it’s true and I will have them fucking bugging me all day like they used to bug you.”

 

“Yeah, I still haven’t thanked you enough for blowing their cameras away and punching them senseless” She said ruffling my hair. “And as a thanking you present or something, I can tell you that after listening to Going Home again and again I concluded is definitely about you. I even made a chart with Mina and Kirishima.”

 

“You what!? You know what, forget it, I don’t care. Do whatever.” I growled.

 

“If it’s about you, then you have a chance of putting that eternal boner and conflictive gay feelings you have for Deku to good use. Because IF the album is about you, which it totally is, then Izuku is so gay for you too.” She went on.

 

“I’m this close to putting you out of gravity” I said blowing up part of the counter with my hands. She was unfazed by it.

 

“Come on, calm down.” She giggled. “Look, ‘Zuku arrives the day after tomorrow. We are planning on going together to the airport to greet him. It’d be a nice chance for you to meet him after all this time.”

 

My heart visibly skipped a beat. I didn’t answer immediately, which was weird since I had a list of comebacks prepared for all occasions. But that proposal took me by surprise. “I… I don’t know.” I confessed.

 

“Of course you don’t, you are an idiot” she sighed. “Which is why we know for you. You A R E going. We are planning to drag you by force if you don’t comply.”

 

“Are you seriously suggesting you-.”

 

“Me, Todoroki and Kirishima already thought of a strategy to shove your exploding hands up in your ass if necessary.” She pocked my forehead. “Think of what you are going to say. He arrives at 10 a.m. The trip is almost 20 minutes long, but we are leaving one hour before just in case. Be ready at 9 or else!” She gripped my shoulder with a strength that she had amassed after years of training.

 

She jumped out of the counter and left whistling Golden Like out of all the songs in the world. I was so fucked.   

Chapter Text

There was a commotion outside my room and it wasn’t even 8:30 in the morning. Like, I get they’d think I forget. Thus, is reasonable they would come to look for me, but after Zero-Grav-Psycho’s threat I expected a lot more of proactivity, like they’d tear the walls down or something flashy like that. Finally someone had the courage to knock the door, timidly at first, but since I ignored it (on purpose of course) they knocked it a little bit more adamantly.

Behind it, instead of the army of three Uraraka had promised, standing on my doorstep were the pink freakshow, a floating coat and Round Face herself. I arched a brow not even bothering to ask what the fuck they were doing there. The expression of invisible girl I couldn’t decipher… because of obvious reasons. But Mina and Uraraka looked surprised.

“You actually dressed up… decently” Mina commented trying to reach for my shirt, I slapped her hand away GENTLY (I’m not a psychopath anymore, I swear, that position should probably go to Uraraka).

“Decently? Huh” I deadpanned and slammed the door shut behind me. If my room, the only peaceful place in that school, was being invaded there was no point staying there. “I dress better than all of you in your best day when I’m wearing my pijamas.”

“You must have really cute pijamas then!” The invisible girl chipped next to me. “You are looking really handsome today Bakugou!”

“…” I looked at her trying not to glare. It was difficult for two reasons.  On the one hand I couldn’t tell exactly where her face was, and I felt rude. And on the other, being nice is A LOT of work. “Thanks, I guess. What were you expecting anyway?”

“A disaster” Round Face finally had the nerve to open her mouth. “We came to help but damn, you thought of all on your own. You must really care about this huh”

Her teasing was causing a vein to form in my forehead, but a little voice at the back of my head was shouting with all its might that it wasn’t wise to start a conflict the same morning Deku was arriving. I just looked at her with the best “civil” death stare I could come up with and decided to let it slide.

To be honest I did not have that much trouble deciding what to wear. My mother has this habit of buying extremely expensive designer clothes neither me nor my father get to wear because there’s no real occasion to do so. And there’s the tiny little detail that my sweat explodes! There’s no set of clothing that lasts for more than a month in our household. So sometimes when I see the price tags and realize my mother has spent a ludicrous amount of money on clothes, I tend to shove these pieces to the farthest reaches of my wardrobe so as to never burn them down.

But this situation merited the usage of something nice. I had to look good. Why though? I couldn’t bring myself to answer that question. I was pretty sure I liked Deku and that whatever I was feeling was beyond a misunderstanding between my boner and my guilt. But what did it matter how I looked that day? Would it make any difference on how he perceived me? He wouldn’t even pay attention to me, since he’d be busy greeting his real friends, the ones that had kept in touch with him throughout all these years.

The best I could hope for was a nod. Even in the best cases scenarios I had created in my mind he only went as far as to wave in my direction. Sometimes he smiled and I was reduced to a puddle.

But even then I couldn’t stop my hands from reaching the back of my drawers looking for something decent to wear. I couldn’t stop my body from trying at least three different ways of wearing the same red and black shirt, two identical pair of skinny jeans and see which of the two leather jackets I possessed wrapped better around my biceps. I have nice biceps and I’ll fight to death anyone so stupidly blind to deny it!

I guess I decided that, at least, if Deku was going to send me straight into the iceberg zone, he’d at least think I was handsome. It was a bit arrogant to want the victim of your bullying to think you were handsome? Probably. I was a deranged psycho. Should I apologize naked then? Probably not. I guess trying to make a good impression and wanting to apologize could go hand on hand.

If I there was a way to stop thinking then I would. It was fucking killing me. If you are wondering how the fuck did I get any sleep last night with that stupid brain of mine working 200 miles per hour, well, let me tell you. I woke up at 5 a.m. the morning before, trained the entire day and at night I was so exhausted I only suffered from an hour of insomnia. A fucking success.

“Bakugou!” Mina said snapping her fingers in front of my face. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Your muzzles?” I growled.

“I didn’t know you were that kinky” she chuckled and wrapped her arms around mine. “You are not wearing any cologne.”

“Neither are you!” And that was the best comeback I could think of because FUCK THEY WERE RIGHT. I had even put the cologne I was going to use apart not to forget. But her interruption kicked me out of my mind. Now there wasn’t a cool way of going back to my room without acknowledging that they were right and that I did care about seei-

I did care about seeing Deku again. And I didn’t give shit about what they thought. Why the fuck was I having second thoughts about wearing fucking cologne. I’m a mess with feelings but I was not going to be defeated and go smelling like shit after all I’ve done to look good.

“Wait here!” I snapped and walked angrily to my room. When I returned the three girls were standing there giggling. It was obvious they had been laughing their asses out, but I decided to keep my composure. Which meant to put the most annoyed face in my repertory. “Don’t you have anything better to do than being a pain in my ass this morning!?”

“If it weren’t for us you’d smelled bad in front of Deku” Hagakure said putting her hands on her waist. Or at least that’s what I think she did given the position of the arms of her coat.

“I don’t care what the fuck that nerd smells in me.” I growled and fastened the pace. That morning went on painfully slow.

The way to the airport was a 20 minute’s trip on train. It was weird for people to see such a big group of UA top tier students strolling around in civilian clothes, not heading to a place exclusively to set things on fire.

I had forgotten how many we actually were. Like, I can remember everybody’s face and name, I’m not… well, I’m an asshole but I’m not a rude asshole. When we are in the dorms, training, or even sharing time with the students of other classes, it’s easy to lose perspective on how many of us there are.

Everybody decided to dress well. As if this was some sort of fucking catwalk. What were they trying to do? I wouldn’t have been so mad if it wasn’t for the presence of the sleep deprived creep from Regular Studies. Why was he around us so comfortably? Why was he dressing like he was going out on a date?

“Hey, what’s him doing here?” I asked Kirishima sending daggers to the purple hair asshole with my stare.

“Oh, Shinshou? He’s good friends with Midoriya, that’s all my bro” he said happily and elbowed my arm. “Don’t worry too much, and try not to glare, you are manlier without that scary look in your face.”

I grunted and crossed my arms. “Even that asshole was able to talk to Midoriya”.

“Well, you co-.”

“I know I could have. I just… couldn’t. Okay?” I cut him midphrase knowing exactly what he was going to say.

Kirishima was the only one besides my therapist (and I mean the only one in the sense not even my mother knows more than two or three minor details of what I talk with Dr. Retsu) who knew what kind off a shitshow my head was. My friendship with him was something I could feel proud of. It wasn’t perfect and I knew that he was always making concessions and letting events in which I was an asshole slide. But I hadn’t pushed him away, and I considered him as much a friend as I knew he considered me. It was something I had built and not demolished.

“I know” He put a hand on my shoulder and rubbed it a little. “You are doing a very manly thing right now Bakubro!”

“Don’t. Call. Me. That” I growled visibly growing angrier. “Or I’ll literally kill you.”

“What about Katsubro?” He offered giving me a grin with those stupidly long and sharp teeth of his. I closed my fist with all the intention of smashing his face through the stratosphere when the train stopped.

The airport wasn’t something out of this world. It was actually quite small, with only two possible directions passengers could come from. That was the upside. The downside was that, since it was such a small airport there was no sign which indicated from which side the people from the next flight was going to come from. So we either tried our luck and went to the waiting room of one of the two possible directions or waited in the main lobby sitting on the ground or just staring at the celling. I knew Round Face and Shit for Hairs had come up with this plan of coming some time before “just in case”. And I was mad at them.

“Bakugou, you look tense” I almost jumped when I heard that voice. I wasn’t used to being civil with fucking Half ‘n’ Half, and we only crossed like 20 words every year. So it was weird, to say the least, that he was talking to me. He was holding hands with Yaoyorozu, who looked bouncy as fuck because of it.

“You might be right, and I will untense myself on your face if you don’t fuck off” I grunted with no real bite in my voice.

“You know Midoriya is excited to see you again, right?” He asked as if I hadn’t just threatened him.

“Why would I care what that nerd is excited for!” But then, immediately after. “How do you know?” Real smooth Bakugo Katsuki. You are the king. Fucking idiot.

“I talk to him” He said clearly proud of himself. “He usually asks about you. And I don’t know what to say except for… when your explosions get bigger, or you find a new way to break someone’s arm.” He went on thoughtfully.

Now I was mad. The last thing I needed was for Deku to see me in another light was for fucking Halfbacked to go around spouting shit like I was some sort of deranged maniac. I was starting to get bloody angry, my heart was beating faster than usual and my vision was getting blurry. All this time and energy devoted to change and because of shit like that Deku was going to think I was as stupid as I was two and a half years ago. I noticed that somewhere behind my eyes tears were forming. If of sadness, anger or frustration, I didn’t know.

“That’s rich coming from someone with the emotional depth of a tasteless raisin” I growled, this time with a poisonous bite behind my words.

“Really Bakugou, you talking about emotional depth?” Yaoyorozu jumped in defence of his boyfriend.

“Whatever, just die fucking losers.” I kicked the ground and started walking away from those assholes.

I was positively starting to cry now. I walked fast to avoid my classmates, I followed the sings until I found a toilet and kicked my way in. I looked at myself at the mirror and started insulting and shouting, almost ripping the hair out of my head.

Of course it did not matter how much I had changed. I haven’t showed Izuku any of that, I had been lethargic and distant. He didn’t have to deduce I was bettering myself, it wasn’t his job, and certainly Boiledface wasn’t going around saying nice things about me either. It was my fault. It was a stupid dream to think that I had a path of redemption after what I had done.

I don’t know how much time I spent in that toilet. When I was done crying, I cleaned and watered my face and checked the time. It was 10:10. Deku’s plane had arrived ten minutes ago and I hadn’t listened the speakers because I was too busy telling the mirror to go and fuck himself. But instead of getting desperate and moving faster I sighed and just slowly opened the bathroom door. There was no point in running when Izuku was probably happily reunited with friends that were actually worth something.

Or at least that’s what I thought.

When I left the toilets I was encountered with a crowd of people walking towards the exit, probably the same people who were sharing a plane with Izuku. I remembered that one usually spent a great deal of time waiting for one’s luggage, and that the plane arrived at 10 meant close to nothing in relationship to the time in which we were going to actually see Deku.

That gave me hopes I’d be able to catch up with the others and be there when Deku arrived. That plan also failed by the way, because of an angelical voice which caught me out of guard.

“Kacchan?” It was Deku’s voice. Low and timid but clearly Deku’s. It felt so weird listening to it there. I had been listening to it for the past years in his songs, videos and interviews, but having it so close to me all of the sudden didn’t feel real.  

I slowly turned around. And effectively there he was, Izuku Midoriya in the flesh. I started thinking in monosyllabic sentences and emitting incoherent sounds for I believe my brain stopped receiving oxygen. My fucking heart stopped beating for god’s sake! He was gorgeous. Everything about him was gorgeous, is stupid big and green eyes, the freckles that sprinkled with roundish angel like face, that messy hair which fell chaotically in front of his forehead, his thin lips which were curled in a tiny smile. He hadn’t even lost that illegally beautiful tan. Was I blushing? I think I was blushing. He didn’t say anything though.

“It really is Kacchan” he chuckled emitting the most beautiful sound I’d heard in my life. How had I not noticed how cute his laugh was before. “I should’v-.”

He was about to say something, but his eyes went to the side and widened. He was suddenly no longer relaxed. Not letting go of his luggage (which consisted of a massive suitcase, an equally big backpacker’s backpack and a guitar) he swiftly moved backwards and hid behind the corner he had come out of seconds ago.

I was beyond annoyed at that. Was that angelical creature already eluding me without giving me even the chance to properly say hello… or goodbye!? I growled and walked in his direction with all the intention of confronting him, but I had to halt when I saw him kneeling, hiding behind a little tree they had potted as decoration.

“Oi, nerd, what the fuck?”

Really, fucking, sweet words you choose for your first encounter huh?. Stupid Bakugou.

“Lower your voice Kacchan” he hissed from behind the plant.

I sighed and kneeled next to him. There wasn’t enough space for both of us to be behind the plant, but I didn’t care about that not one bit. I finally realized how much had we grown. I had followed a life of intensive training, and I had always been bigger than Deku. Thus, right now, with 18 years old, I towered him, easily being one head taller. And I was so much broader. I could hug him with as much ease as if he was a teddy bear. Which only made him more delectable and only made my heart beat faster.

It was definitely a crush and not a confused boner.  

“What are you doing behind a fucking tree?” I calmly asked looking at him straight into his eyes to try and catch his attention. His eyes eluded me though, still looking over his shoulder.

“There are some papparazi out there; they had been pestering me and my mother all the way from Romania. She had to leave first so that they wouldn’t follow her.” He sounded worried. “And I thought that they wouldn’t bother us here.”

“I’ll take care of them if you want” I said without putting my thinking into it. I wanted to blow those idiot’s faces just for wronging that angel hiding behind the pot.

“Wait Kacchan, are you an idiot?!” He whispered/shouted at me. Then he did something that made me almost lose all my criteria. He grabbed my arm with both of his hands and pulled me closer to him. Our bodies were almost touching now. I could feel the heat emanating from his skin and could smell the faint cologne he had probably put on Frankfurt a lot of hours ago. I was melting there. “I know you used to bang your head against walls when you were a kid, but I never thought you’d be stupid enough to start making things explode in a fucking airport.”

Wait. Was Izuku cursing? Yes, he was cursing. He was so fucking… hot when he was cursing. I was starting to notice the mature details I hadn’t noticed before because of how entranced I was with his beauty. Like the way he frowned, it wasn’t childish at all. But it wasn’t the time and place to droll over him. The intensity of his eyes was demonstrative of how serious he was about this subject.  

“Geez, calm down, sorry” I muttered and kneeled closer to him behind the plant.

He looked at me as if he had seen a ghost. He arched a brow and, before I could even realize what was happening, he reached my face with his hand and leaned it on one of my cheeks. My heart skipped one, two, five, ten beats. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out of it, instead I could feel how my cheeks slowly but surely started turning red.

“Wow, you really are Kacchan and not an illusion” he mused with a stupid smile in his face. I gritted my teeth and looked away, but made no effort to move the hand which was leaning against my skin.

The skin of his right hand was calloused, but his touch was weirdly soft. His fingers were rigged with scars from his time with us in UA, most of them were probably my fault, a thought that went like a dagger straight to my heart. The tips of his fingers had little groove marks, probably the result of playing the guitar so damn much. But, as I said, his touch was despite all of those marks soft.

“I missed you a lot Kacchan.”

That brought me back to the word. He said it with the brightest smile I had seen in my entire life. It was so bright it hurt, it blinded me, it almost brought me to tears once again but because of how beautiful and pure it was. I had to obligate myself to breath to wake up out of the stupor he had caged me in with his beauty.

“I- I” I started, but didn’t know what to say. Nothing sounded intelligent in my head. So I went for my instincts, because thinking wasn’t helping. “I missed you more you fucking nerd. Who the fuck disappears for two and a half years like that! Such a friend you are.”

All that I said with a grin. I grabbed the hand that was leaning against my cheek and held it tight against my skin. Izuku was caught with his guard down, clearly, because he blushed and blinked many times. He even opened his mouth to talk but no words came out of it. His lips looked so damn kissable.

“Yeah, I guess I owe you an apology” he said recovering his composure and giving me a half smile.

“We’ll talk about apologies later.” I snapped not believing the nerd even considered having to apologize to me. “Now I’ll get you out of this shithole so you can say hi to the crowd of idiots who’s waiting for you.”

“And here I was thinking you had changed” Izuku chuckled. There was nothing but playfulness in his words. I took his hand out of my cheek, but didn’t let it go. I helped him stand up and hesitantly relaxed the grip on his fingers.  

“We’ll have time for this chat later.” I growled still blushing and still embarrassed. I felt like an idiot, but I wasn’t uncomfortable. “So, what’s the plan nerd. I have my provisional hero license so I guess I could make some things explode and no one would say shit.”

“You have the perspective of a five year old Kacchan” he sighed not at all amused by my attempt of a carefree smirk. “I guess I should dress up a bit.”

You are already dressed up idiot! I wanted to say. Since it was true. He was wearing a pair of tight black joggings, probably to travel more comfortably and a loose green sweater. While the joggings made justice to his long, lean and sexy legs tightly wrapping around them, his sweater looked a tad childish over someone I knew looked so damn well under it.

He opened his huge backpack and took out a case from it, and from the case he took out a couple of fancy sunglasses. He put them on, covered his head with the hood of his sweater and pulled from the cords of it, making the hood shrink and giving him the goofiest look possible. I started laughing at his appearance and he laughed alongside with me. But it only lasted a couple of seconds.

“Would you recognize me?” He asked putting his hands on his waist.

“Mmm, I don’t know, turn around?” I suggested and he did. I regretted asking him that, for it meant I had a glimpse of his tight butt. I blushed hard. “Yeah, you are fine.”

“I guess the guitar still gives me away doesn’t it” he said thoughtfully.

“Give it to me, I’ll take it, no one will suspect anything if I’m the one carrying it.” I offered extending my arm. But Izuku looked at me hesitantly.

“This is the first guitar I bought Kacchan, it means a lot to me.” He explained slowly and with a hint of discomfort in his voice.

I understand immediately what he meant. I had a history of blowing up things he cared a lot for. His notebook was just an example of the cruel treatment and complete dismissal of the things he cared a lot about. I should’ve known he wasn’t going to trust me something so valuable. I was being arrogant.

But I needed him to know, or at least start knowing, that he could trust me now.

“I’ll take care of it Izuku” I said as seriously as I could. “I swear.”

He clenched his fists as he debated internal what to do. But in mere moments he arrived to a conclusion. Just when I thought we were going to be suddenly separated again by the memories we shared, Izuku grabbed the case of his guitar and, not without hesitation, handed it to me.

“Carry it on your hand, not in your back please, it gets out of tune if you hit it repeatedly with your back.” He explained while letting go of his instrument.

“Don’t worry nerd” I smiled kindly. It was easy for me to do that because my chest was warm with all the emotions I was feeling at the moment. “Come on, the guys are waiting for you.”

“Yeah.” He smiled back and, grabbing his luggage, started walking besides me.

We walked slowly and in silence. Izuku’s guitar felt like a heavy boulder or a bomb about to explode in my hands. I couldn’t believe he had given me something so important to him. I wasn’t going to disappoint him, after all I was a hero.

I noticed the paparazzi he was talking about while we were crossing the waiting rooms. They were waiting like little vultures for the perfect moment to snap a picture of Izuku. I hated their profession. They harassed heroes, popular people, even regular people, only for two or three cents. And I recognized that guy in particular. He was the same asshole who had been stalking Uraraka a long time ago, the same guy I had sent flying through the school grounds.

I crossed my free arm around Izuku’s shoulders and made him duck a little. The guy noticed us and prepared to scavenge, but he recognized me. I looked at him with the nastiest murderous smile I could come up with. I brought Deku closer to me and muttered a mute threat. The guy understood, because he didn’t even dare to stand up. Deku didn’t notice any of this, he got visibly jittery under my arm and started muttering some incoherent stuff. It was cute. It was so damn cute I couldn’t make let him go. His warmth, his skin, his voice. Everything was warm.

“Be prepared nerd” I muttered once I was certain the guy was not going to dare. “your friends are very excited to see you again.”

And then, before we could cross the door and meet them, I mustered all the strength and courage I had left and said: “I missed you loads Deku”

Chapter Text

The bulk with my interaction with Deku ended the moment he crossed the doorway and the others laid eyes on him. He wasn’t dragged away from me, which would’ve made sense taking into account how much Astronomical Cheeks and her gang of idiots wanted to see him, he instead had to run to them and call their attention. It happened for two reasons I believe. The first one being that he was still hiding under that hood. The second one, and probably the one that hurt me the most, was that he was headlock under my arm, and no one believed that he would be so at ease with me.

But when he freed himself from the hood and the thick sun glasses and started running in their direction, the 3-A class, led by Round Face and Shit for Hair, cried in tears and avalanched themselves over Deku’s frail body. Or at least that’s how I saw it.

Izuku was dragged around by Ochako who, now that I could see her standing next to Deku, I realized how much she had grown. Her back was at least a couple of inches wider than Izuku’s and with her arms and hands she could’ve easily snapped his neck in two. Leave it to someone as trustful as Izuku to trust such a gorilla woman. It’s a surprise that guy survived all this time without someone taking care of him.

His guitar suddenly felt heavier. Leave it to Izuku to trust something like that to someone who sweats nitro-glycerine. After a couple of minutes of fuss the authorities of the airport started moving around impatiently, and no amount of provisional hero licenses was going to except us from being kicked out of an airport. Some things were out of our reach.

I thought we’d take the bus back home, but either because they were so caught up in that cheerful chatter or because they honestly wanted to go walking back to the campus (or wherever we were going to, by that moment I didn’t care),  our group passed next to the bus stop and didn’t stop. I still carried the guitar, only now I had to put a lot more care in it, not only because we were in the street but because Mina, Kaminari, Sero and Kirishima would chip around me when they were not pestering Deku. And they were clumsy as fuck when it came to stuff I cared about.

Deku reluctantly lead the group, right in that moment he was being assaulted with by Aoyama about what he thought of French food and how much better he thought it was to Japanese food. At the same time, Ochako who had an arm around his shoulders and hadn’t left his side since he left mine, laughed at the way Izuku tried to call off this conversation with Aoyama the nicest way he could. Behind him was Burning Candybar mindlessly talking about some anecdote while Yaoyorozu told Izuku about the new blends of tea her household was trying.

I wanted to boom my way from the rear to the head of the line and try and chat with Izuku. But not only had I to take care of the guitar and making things explode would put it in risk, but my will to go to the front dwindled whenever the purple haired zombie from general studies shared a word with Izuku. Leave it to Izuku to happily talk to someone whose quirk could make him jump from a cliff.

Around 2 P.M. we all stopped in our tracks, hungry as hell, to eat in a tiny ramen shop. The owner was more than surprised to have 21 hungry students to attend, but he did so with pleasure. He enlisted her daughter to help who was, oh surprise, a great fan of Izuku. She gushed and cried, she asked fur pictures and prepared his ramen herself. Izuku, being the adorable fuck he is, eat it and congratulated her on it. He even took a picture of it, uploaded it to instagram, and tagged her as the ‘best ramen ever’. That had the girl blushing, laughing and crying at the same time.

“It was nice from you to help him like that” Frog Girl said in her monotonous tone while slurping her ramen. We were sitting together in the stall, far from Izuku and the commotion.

“How the fuck do you know?” I growled.

“Midoriya told us. You should talk to him more you know?” She laid her big eyes on me. “I’m not sure you’ll get a better chance than today and right now.”

“Why you all are so suddenly interested in my life” a couple of explosions came out of the hand which wasn’t holding the guitar.

Asui stopped paying attention to me and did as if I hadn’t asked her that, she jumped ofh her chair and approached the noisy group Izuku was in. Everybody was having a blast, being part of a very heated and cheerful conversation. I didn’t want to join; they were talking about people I didn’t know doing stuff I didn’t care about. But I did want to talk to Izuku. When it came the time for us to leave, the owner was more grateful to us than we were to him. With Izuku’s picture going around social media, his shop would be filled nonstop for the next weeks.

The closer we got to the city centre, the more the big group of last year students of UA started calling the attention of the citizens. After half an hour of walking in the same direction the rumour of Izuku having returned home and being with his ex-classmates had already scattered. People was already looking at us with increasing interest, some of them were taking pictures and pointing at Izuku. Deku, far from getting mad at this, waved back at them, and even signed a couple of autographs of teens brave enough to get near him while he was being escorted by Hair for Brains and Round Face.

Before we got to the perimeter of the campus, where the streets were wider and we could walk in only two lines of people, Izuku turned around so suddenly and with a face of utter fear that even I got a bit scared. But when he saw me, then his guitar and then me again he smiled and uttered a silent thank you, accompanied by a smile and (granted this might be my imagination) a beam of sunlight. I ‘tsked’ and rolled my eyes. Leave it to Izuku to forget that I was carrying his precious guitar

Although I did as if I was annoyed at him for forgetting, my heart squeezed and flipped on its head when Izuku, as if he now trust me completely, smiled and carelessly continued with his conversation. Now we were inches apart, people wasn’t following us anymore (most likely scared that the security system of UA was going to zap them out of existence) and the 2000’s excuse of an Emo was far from Deku talking to Iida.

“How long are you staying?” I asked high enough for Izuku to listen to me and low enough for people not to notice I was talking to him. It was already weird having people looking at me for carrying his guitar.

“Um, me?” Izuku asked walking a bit slower to be besides me.

“Of fucking course, who else?” I got a tad exasperated.

“Right, sorry” Izuku chuckled. “It’s the jet lag, I’ve been on that plane for more than 12 hours, I can barely feel my butt, let alone my brain, it’ll take me some time to be brilliant again.”

“You can get smarter than this? I would’ve sworn you were already like that” I looked down at him and smirked, he rolled his eyes. “Just answer the question nerd.”

“I really don’t know” he shrugged. “I want to finish writing and preparing my new album here, but I’ll have to go away again to record it. Honestly, I’m really bad at planning stuff. Even thinking of stuff that’ll happen 1 month ahead makes my head ache.”

“You weren’t like that before” I said surprised at the way he was handling himself. He used to be so keen on making plans and machinations, to think that this carefree Izuku was the same as the mumbling nerd that left long ago was… surprising to say the least.

“Force of habit I guess” he said thoughtfully. “I spent a long time not knowing what was I going to do next week, or where I was going to be. I guess my biological clock got all messed up.” He giggled a little and sighed. “It feels nice to be back, so I don’t think I’ll be leaving any time soon.”

“I like it” I mumbled.

“Um sorry?” Izuku looked at arching a brow.

“The not planning ahead” I grunted. “I think it’s nice you are not stressing so much about the future anymore. I like this carefree attitude you have now.”

“I wouldn’t call it carefree Kacchan” Izuku chuckled. He was visibly nervous. It was nice knowing I still had that effect on him, only that now it wasn’t out of fear but out of… niceness I guess. He was fidgeting and awkwardly smiling, a display so cute I had to focus really hard not to blush. “Thank you though.”

“It wasn’t that good of a compliment” Round Face’s voice dragged me back to reality. She was standing on Deku’s other side now. She was the one carrying Izuku’s luggage, and she was doing it with surprising ease. She was smirking and looking at me with knowing eyes. My eyes twitched but I couldn’t stop a blush to creep up to my cheeks and ears.

“It was a compliment from Kacchan” Izuku said relaxing now, but with the traces of a faint blush visibly appearing around his freckles. “It counts double because of all the effort it took him to make it.”

“It didn’t cost me any effort!” I exclaimed punching his head playfully. “I can compliment the fuck out of you with as much effort as it would take me to open a water bottle!”

“One would think you have been looking forward to compliment Izuku” Shit for Hairs commented now walking next to me.

“What the fuck where are you all coming from!” I shouted and would’ve make his face explode if it wasn’t for the guitar.

“We haven’t left. Idiot” Kirishima rolled his eyes and winked Izuku.

“Guys please stop” Izuku giggled again making my heart twitch. My face of frustration didn’t go away though, I was too angry at that couple of idiots for that to happen. “Kacchan was doing fine before you butt your heads in!”

“Fine fine!” Ochako laughed and ruffled his hair. “We’ll leave you alone. But you still owe me thousands upon thousands of hugs Deku”

Kirishima smiled at me and gave me two thumbs up. “You go big goof, try not to ruin this”. I gritted my teeth and tried stabbing him with my stare. Instead, he turned around and started chatting with Mina. But my rage suddenly dissipated as my attention was brought again to the cute mop of green hair walking slowly besides me.

His phone ringed a couple of times and he, apparently surprised with the caller ID, answered quickly. He started talking in a language I didn’t understand nor could recognize. He looked pleased and even happy with the contents of that undecipherable chat, he laughed a couple of times and even went on in his usual mumble/rants, only this time I couldn’t understand shit. That went on for a couple of minutes before he said his goodbyes (or at least I think it was goodbye) and hanged.

“Sorry about that” he apologized putting his phone back into his hoodie’s pocket.

“Who was that?” I asked out of curiosity. “And what the fuck were you saying?”

“Isn’t that invasion of privacy Kacchan?” He asked innocently.

“Not if you were screaming in fucking satanic next to me” I grumbled, but immediately realized I shouldn’t butt in his privacy. “I was just curious.”

“It’s okay, I was just teasing” Izuku giggled and sighed. “It was my produced back at Prague. She wanted to know if I had arrived and if I was fine and well.”

“Oh” I realized after he told me who the caller was and I relaxed that the reason I wanted to know wasn’t curiosity exactly. It was more like half assed jealousy. The same sort of feeling which crept up my spine whenever he talked to Half ‘n’ Half and Purple Fallout Boy’s fan. “Right. Wait, why is your producer in Prague?”

“Because she’s from Prague” He said arching a brow. “Why does it surprise you so much?”

“Oh… well I thought you were recording in the US” I commented scratching the back of my neck. Leave it to fucking Deku to produce his music in the Czech Republic. “You know, like all the rest of famous musicians.”

“Oh, well, there are studios everywhere. And the market for the kind of music I make is inexistent in Miami.” He said thoughtfully. “But anyway, she was the first one who offered to produce me when I had no money to even think of going pro. Besides, I love Prague, it’s a beautiful city! I’m sure you’d love it too.”

I couldn’t process the fact that what he said sounded a lot like an invitation because when Izuku finished uttering those words we arrived at UA. The campus extended as far as my eyes could see in every direction. And in front of us, towering as usual, stood the gates and the impenetrable wall which was placed after the incident which cost Izuku his quirk. Something in my head clicked and I got really pissed.

“Okay fucking geniuses!” I shouted looking at Kirishima. “How are we getting the nerd through the gates, he’s no longer a student. And I don’t want to be fucking expelled months away of graduating!”

“Wow, we haven’t thought of that, how smart” Half ‘n’ Half deadpanned and started walking towards the entrance with his magnetic key at hand, once again, if it wasn’t for the guitar he’d already be a smoking pile of black bones. The gate opened widely and without hesitation the rest of the class started marching towards the entrance. Izuku followed without clearly unbothered by what I had just said.

“Oi, mind explaining me?” I growled walking heavily behind them.

“Well, the keys never changed, and they never asked me to return mine” Izuku mumbled placing his on the scanner, although he was talking smugly everybody stood on their heels in expectation. “We concluded they weren’t going to refuse access to a sort of hero veteran.”

As he said that the reader turned green and he was granted access. He, and the rest of the class, sighed in relief. “You all talk smart but you didn’t think through this much huh? What if your key was banned or some shit?” I asked, my eyes twitching. “Anyway, why are you coming here? Like, shouldn’t you go to your house or something, I’m sure you are tired as shit and want to get a bath. Whatever party Kirishima has planned can wait.”

“Well, mom is going to stay at home and she travelled as much as I did, so she’ll probably use the bath for a couple of hours” he trailed off dedicating me a smile. “And my apartment is still lacking furniture… a bed to be clearer, Uraraka offered me to stay here. And who am I to refuse the warm embrace of my ex school.”

“You have an apartment?” I asked incredulously. “You will be living alone? What about your mother?”

“Yes, yes” Izuku chuckled at my frustration. The sun was already setting in our backs, throwing this weird orange light all over the place and making our bodies cast elongated shadows. Izuku was looking straight at me, half of his face illuminated by this orange light. My heart skipped another beat. That day my heart was acting like a fool, but I couldn’t stop myself. “I’m building a sort off studio at home, to record demos faster to send them to Klára, and to experiment. Anyway, it’s going to be a mess, a noisy one at that, and I don’t think my mother wants to live with that.”

Whatever conversation we could’ve had was cut off by our arrival to the dorms. In complete silence not to call the attention of younger students (who would want to take part on our party for sure, it wasn’t weird for them to bribe us to get inside, the bribe was usually that they’d tell Aizawa sensei, when I couldn’t scare them away we reluctantly let them in, but those were the rare occasions), we entered our dorm rooms.

Deku immediately left my side and followed Ochako. I was left behind again carrying the dead weight of his guitar. I almost panicked, almost, when Kirishima started running around followed by Kaminari and Sero moving tables and sofas around turning the kitchen counter into a bar. They run fast past me and asked me for help while I tried not to let the fucking instrument fall. The only safe place I could think of was my room, so I left it there, but it felt weird having something so loved by Deku in my possession.

Jirou and Kaminari dragged a pair of speakers and music systems out their respective rooms and had a little squabble over who had the best. This fight had to be put off by Kirishima who was by then the official party organizer of the class. With my help, the four of us set up the four speakers and music started blasting out of them. It would’ve been wise to lower the volume a notch or two, but we were all a little bit euphoric, so no one minded.

Even Iida and Yaoyorozu looked as though they were comfortable, and having fun maybe, with all this chaos which was clearly against the rules of the school. I couldn’t care less about the volume of the music, I still hadn’t had time to think about everything which had happened earlier that day. How my first interaction with Izuku had played out for the right, even if it wasn’t what I had planned for (I hadn’t plan shit, but certainly nothing I would’ve planed would’ve turned out like that). How he didn’t look scared of me anymore, how he trusted me with his instrument. My mind was pickled in a weird sensation between joy, curiosity and doubtfulness, and there was nothing I could do about it.

While I had a pretentious monologue with myself over the qualms of my mind the party Kirishima had been preparing fluently rolled off. People were already making regular escapades to the kitchen counter to get drinks, Invisible Girl was fully invisible and latching to a redder version of his Tailed boyfriend, and the Purple Minion was already taped to the sealing like a sex deranged violet piñata. As I said, fluently. Deku was nowhere to be found though. I wanted to keep on having little interactions with him, as I was growing more and more confident in my ability not to ruin everything.

It wasn’t until the sun was completely gone and the dorm had transitioned to a club that Deku reappeared. He had gone to take a bath at Uraraka’s room and probably waited for her to do the same. I couldn’t complain thought. He was looking delectable in every sense of the world. The unruly mess of his hair was tied up in a bun, which gave him an air of casualness that contrasted with the rest of his outfit. Covering his legs were a pair of black jeans, ripped in the knees and tighter than I would’ve dreamed them to be. He was wearing a V-neck and short sleeved plain white t-shirt. And on his shoulders covering his arms he was wearing a green cardigan with silly black patterns.

He was having a cheerful conversation with Kaminari and Ochako while the first showed him his playlist on his laptop. I noticed that both Gorilla Maxima and Rebellious Pikachu had drinks in their hands, but Izuku was missing his. That was my chance and to hell if I wasn’t going to make use of it. Smirking I fixed him a soft beverage in the kitchen, walked in his direction (noticing that Kiri and Jirou had joined the conversation, also with glasses in their hands) and gently put a hand on his shoulder when I reached him.

He turned around and dedicated me a smile which almost melted me and turned me into a puddle. Whatever ounce (or grain) of confidence evaporated and I had to reorganize my plan, my vocabulary and my will in order to open my mouth again.

“I brought you something nerd” I stuttered. Fucking stuttered. Trying to claim some of my manliness and courage back I smirked.

“Wow, thanks Kacchan” he said surprised but didn’t grab the glass. “I don’t drink though. Sorry you had to go through the trouble.”

“Ho” I felt a boulder falling on my shoulders. “Come on nerd, this is you party. Besides, I went through the trouble of fixing you a drink, it’d be rude if you didn’t drink it.”

“Really Kacchan, I don’t drink” Izuku smiled but he clearly wasn’t enjoying this conversation.

“I didn’t know you were so prude” Why was I saying that?. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I was being so abrasive all of the sudden. “I thought you had all these amazing parties around the world.”

“Well, you clearly made a lot of assumptions of what my life is” He said, this time definitely angry. Kirishima, who was listening from the side, started making me signs to shut up. But since I have absolutely no self-control I kept on pressing the issue.

“Well, since you disappeared all I could do was make assumptions” I growled letting all my frustration I had been bottling for the past two years out.

“Wow Katsuki, I who would’ve thought that picking up your fucking phone was so difficult.” With that Deku dedicated me one last nasty look and turned around.

My fucking plan was a disaster. I gritted my teeth and shrugged. In frustration I turned around and headed to the kitchen to drop the contents of the glass on the sink and return with something better and apologize. But on the way I saw Mineta laughing at me from the celling (or at least I thought he was laughing at me) and against my better judgement I threw him the plastic glass with an explosion making the surrounding people turn around to look at me. The guys from the class started laughing, but Deku who had been seeing the scene, looked at me with a mixture of emotions I couldn’t quite understand, but it looked a lot like disappointment.

I cursed and walked to the balcony, I didn’t care how cold it was. I just needed a place to let my fury go before trying to do anything again. I gripped the railings with such strength that they became the outlet of my anger. They were crumpling under my grip and a bit of smoke was coming out of my hands, signalling that I was probably going to blast them in any moment now.

Kirishima was the first one to appear. Of course he was. The poor asshole never gives up on me no matter how much of a shitty human being I turn out to be. He put a hand on my back and patted a little. I glared at him but that did nothing to discourage him.

“You know, it wasn’t such a bad plan” He said chuckling. “But Izuku doesn’t drink”

“I know, shit, sorry” I growled under my breath. “At least I know now.”

“No, you don’t know.” Kirishima said punching me in the head. “He doesn’t drink because he can’t mix alcohol with the painkillers he takes to be able to function as a human being with that arm he has. You’d know that if you hadn’t been crying alone in your room all these years instead of actually talking to him.”

His words felt like a thousand knives being buried in my skin one by one. I felt like an idiot in a way I haven’t felt since I started realizing how much of an asshole all my life had been after months of therapy. I couldn’t face Kirishima out of shame, I let the railing go and clenched my heart. I could feel a weird and toxic kind of anxiety, which made me all the more violent, crippling in.

“And you shouldn’t be apologizing to me, you should be apologizing to him.” With that Kiri patted my back and returned to the hall. I was about to start wondering what kind of a friend leaves his friend behind in a situation like this, when I heard the door sliding again and another person walking into the balcony. I didn’t have the will to look at that person, but I had an idea of who he was.

“You probably are so angry you are not even cold, but for the love of god it’s freezing out here” Deku commented wrapping his chest with his cardigan and leaning on the railing next to me.

“I’m not angry” I muttered looking at the campus. “And if you are cold you should be inside.” Immediately after that I noticed how bad it had sounded. “I mean, you can stay if you want, but if you are cold you should take care of your-.”

“I get it” Izuku said chuckling. “Look, sorry about what happened before. Probably Kirishima already blew off my sad backstory. But you had no way of knowing, and I should cut you some slack.”

“I should be the one apologizing” I muttered even lower than before, but this time meeting his eyes, only for a few seconds though. I had to immediately look at the ground. “Sorry.”

“Thank you for apologizing” He said with a smile plastered in his freckled face.

“And sorry for the… assumptions I made… and stuff” I said scratching the back of my head and tsking at myself for not being able to muster anything better.

“It’s okay, I reacted like a child.” Izuku said leaning closer. His face was mere inches from mine. I blushed a little at the proximity and at the mischievous smile Izuku was making. “And you weren’t exactly wrong; I had a good amount of ‘those’ parties you were talking about. I was gone out of my mind, but it wasn’t alcohol.”

“Wait you?” I kept on this talk as secretively as Izuku had started it. Whispering.

“Yes, at first it was for the pain, it works all the time, unlike these fucking pills which work only once in a while.” He straighten up again. “I mean, I don’t have alcohol, but I do have a way to inhibit myself. And since I’m a medical patient no one can say a thing.”

After saying that he winked and I started laughing. “Who would’ve thought you gave so little shits about the rules. And on top of that you are a fucking stonner.” I commented whipping the loser face I had been making up until then.

“I respect traffic lights, sometimes” Izuku shrugged and sighed. “Look, I’m sorry I reacted like that inside, I know you are trying hard.”

“You-.” I started, but then stopped myself. It was quite obvious Izuku knew I had been going to therapy; there was no way in hell the other assholes didn’t tell him. “Know?”

“Yes, don’t go and kill them please!” He begged. “I pestered them a lot about you until they told me. I’m happy for you, I really am!”

I closed my eyes breathed in and out. And after a second thought I decided it wasn’t the worst thing ever. “You better not look down on me nerd.” I joked and looked at him with the most natural grin I could come up with.

“I would never do that Kacchan, if anything, you are higher than you were before.” Izuku chuckled and grabbed my elbow. “Now can we please go inside! I’m freezing out here.”

Leave it to Izuku to be the one apologizing in that situation. In that moment I promised I would do better than that. My newfound trust was no longer originated in the fact that I had done well in my first interactions with him, but in the fact that after a shitty interaction the world hadn’t ended. I could take my time, but my objective wasn’t unreachable.

With a smile on my face I let Izuku drag me back to the party.