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Peaceful Nights

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When he was sleeping he seemed to be at peace, that was of course when he was sleeping. Sleep had a tendency to escape Ed, more often than not he would be awake all through the night pacing, writing in his journal that was so cluttered in a methodical chaos that only he could decipher, and other times he just sat quietly in the darkened living room.

There was a sense of guilt for Lucius on the nights that Ed didn’t sleep, he often would watch him, and study him in a way. He knew quite well that his partner would never agree to speak to a therapist or even settle for an evaluation, so he would watch him and his mannerisms. He picked up on how he almost always talked with his hands, even when quiet often fidgeting with them and picking at his cuticles or biting at the skin until it was raw and bleeding, a habit that Lucius occasionally chided him for when it got too bad. He’d watch him as he picked onions out of his meals, depending on the dish depended on what else he’d pick out, claiming he hated the texture and taste. There were times the loud constant sounds of the city outside of the apartment would make him nervous, he’d try to hide that the sounds were bothering him, but it was easy to tell from time to time he was on the verge of tears.

Lucius placed a hand against Ed’s cheek, fingers gently brushing against soft pale skin. When he was sleeping he looked relaxed, he most times tended to sleep heavily, not a sound in the world capable of disturbing his coma like sleep. He smiled fondly as he pushed stray hairs away from his forehead, there was a beauty to him, a beauty he’d noticed the first time they had met quite sometime ago. He’d noticed then when asking Ed information on Gordon that there was something different about him, but he’d been preoccupied at the time. He knew now that perhaps it was insane that he had him in his bed, that a month ago he’d gifted him with a spare key to his apartment assuring him repeatedly that night that he was allowed to come by whenever he wanted to, he did it anyway without the key. He knew the risks and dangers of sharing his bed and his home with a man who had killed at least a dozen people in the past year, his considered best friend one on the list, as well as his first girlfriend. He knew if Gordon found out they were sharing a space he wouldn’t approve, would probably presume they were working together. It wasn’t like that.

Ed reached out for him, arm wrapping around his waist pulling himself closer against Lucius. He hid his face against his chest and groaned, still soundly asleep. Lucius placed a hand against the back of his head, fingers stroking through soft brown hair. He liked him after he took a shower and all product had been washed from his hair, not like he completely minded the hair products that Ed used, they smelled of citrus and didn’t harden his hair, but he wasn’t entirely fond of the grease.

He sighed closing his eyes, Ed’s fingers curled against the back of his shirt as if reaffirming he was with him. He knew already from months of routine that Ed would wake before him, clean the living room, shower, and then proceed to make breakfast for them. It had only happened once or twice that he’d woken up before Ed, taking those moments to be the one to cater to his boyfriend. There were times he thought that Ed felt he had to do those things or perhaps if he didn’t keep busy then he’d just feel nervous or feel lazy. As much as he loved his partner’s energy he did prefer the times he could get him to settle down, to just curl up with him on the couch and watch old science fiction shows and films they both found they highly enjoyed. He found it quite fascinating the knowledge they shared when it came to the topic of SCIFI, the information not entirely useful in their day to day lives, but at home it impressed them. In a sense Ed was what Lucius would have wanted in a romantic partner or even just a friend, dating hadn’t been a need for him, not even when he’d been a teenager. He’d gone through immensely awkward stages, phases of shutting himself away from others due to depression and anxiety, and for the most part he hadn’t felt the need to pursue romance or sexual relations. Out of the few he had dated in his lifetime, the relationships hadn’t been as deep as he would have preferred them to be, not long lasting, or committed. Ed though he knew was different, he knew that Ed wouldn’t cheat or break things off with him because of the late nights he worked. There was an intense adoration in Ed’s eyes when he was looking at him, as far as he was concerned Lucius was the first and only person to get it, to get him. Even if Lucius didn’t approve of Ed’s activities at night, he knew his partner would never turn him into the police, and Lucius resigned some time ago to the fact that rehabilitating Ed might be a lost cause.

He liked to believe he could help him, that in due time Ed could get better. He knew if it were possible that it would take months and more than likely years, in his mind he already had it planned out. He had a written list of psychologists outside of Gotham, specialists who could test him, and wouldn’t make him feel like a lab rat or a freak. He’d made side notes that he’d accompany Ed to each appointment, he knew he’d only ever agree if he could have Lucius by his side during each test and appointment. He knew he shouldn’t plan for that, it was getting his hopes up in a sense, but he also was in a sense prepared for the worst, but he didn’t want to think about that.

Instead he focused on the now, focus on the sound of gentle breathing, the feeling of hot breath against his bare chest and fingers knotted in the back of his tank top. He held him closely practically needing to feel the length of his ridiculously long body against him, the comfort of knowing that while Ed was sleeping, he was at peace, and for once he was safe.