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Chapter Text

- Prologue -

It was always like this, he being the one left behind while his best friend found a better best friend, or when a lover found someone who was more attractive, more their style.

He had never been anyone's first choice - ever.


He remembered the first time he'd fallen in love. Her name was Na Rim and it really had been like flying on fluffy clouds, and everytime he had seen her in the corridors of the school, it was just like she had been glowing. They had become friends one day during a school trip, and afterwards she and her friends had taken him and his friends out for some karaoke - that had been one of the best days in Taeil's life.


After that they met a lot of times outside of school, both alone and together with friends. And one day after watching a movie in her house, Taeil got his first kiss. He couldn't have been more happy - that was until the day she said she liked his friend more than him.


"I'm sorry.. but I think I like Yong Jun more than you."


Taeil had been angry and heartbroken. One of his best friend had taken his first love away from him. He didn't even know that just the two of them had been meeting each other. But later he'd found out from his other friend that the times Yong Jun had been missing their vocal trainings for being sick, that was when he actually had been meeting up with Na Rim. Taeil became even more angry, because that had been loads of times...


Yong Jun had come to him to ask for forgivness, hoping that they would still be friends. Taeil hadn't looked at him, just shrugged it of and wished them a happy relationship - he never talked to his friend or the girl again after that.



He also remembered during his high school days when he had found that best friend, that friend who everything just clicked together with perfectly, that kind of best friend screenwriters only created in drama's on the TV. His name was Woohyun, they shared the same interests and really did everything together. They traveled during the weekends to watch their favorite bands, also went around drinking alcohol with friends and random people they had met at different concerts.


Taeil could tell everything to Woohyun and the other could do the same to him. Since both of them weren't the happiest people - Taeil had struggels with depression and Woohyun had a very hard time at home, but when they were together all the worries tended to disappeard for a moment. Woohyun also was the only person Taeil could ever cry in front of.


They liked to talked about what to do after graduation, as they both wanted to study abroad. It was like their united dream, to both go to the same university in the same town in a far away country, away from the sorrows and bad memories they had in Seoul.


They had promised to be best friends forever.


Some days before graduation Woohyun came to him and told him that his father had passed away and all of his savings had gone to him. Since his father had been a very successfull buisnessman in the mobile-industry before he got fired, he had had loads of money stored in the bank for his pension which had now gone to his son.


Woohyun had never had a good relation with his father. His mother had died while giving birth to him, so his father had always had a grudge against him for 'killing his own mother'. After he had been fired, he had started to drink too much and in the end it gave him liver cancer. Both Woohyun and Taeil had been kind of surprised that his father had given him all that money.


"He should've just given everything to that stupid lover he had around him all the time. She got everything exept for the pension." Woohyun had said with a confused frown.


"Maybe he felt sorry for you." Taeil had joked.


Woohyun had smiled at him, "Maybe, since I'm poor as fuck!"


They had laughed, "Or maybe he really did love you. He never told you he hated you right?" Taeil said.


"I like to think in that way too, Taeil-ah,"


After graduation Woohyun had come running to him with a big smile, saying that he had been accepted into the school in London they both wanted to go to.


Taeil was surprised - Woohyun hadn't told him anything about even applying to the school. Woohyun had explained to him that he needed to start a new life and that he would go to London and wait for Taeil there. Taeil looked at him with a disappoited face, his best friend knew he hadn't got any money and it would take him at least two years of work to get enough money to go abroad to study, maybe even more. In the end Woohyun had left Seoul, with promises of trying to talk on skype as much as possible.



The first three months had gone good, Taeil complained about his boss at the new work, and Woohyun told about all the awesome things he saw daily - but more time went by and less time for talking came. Taeil tried to keep contact as much as possible but in a way he felt that Woohyun didn't want to.  



Six months after Woohyun had left, they talked on skype and Taeil sensed that Woohyun had changed. He didn't want to listen to everything Taeil said any longer, and Woohyun only told him stories about his new friends and this amazing girl he had met that he had sex with everyday, or so it seemed.
Another half year went by and he hadn't heard anything from Woohyun the last five months. He had left many messengers on facebook, skype and mail, but never got a reply back. In the end he had given up - if he didn't want anything to do with him any longer, then he shouldn't force it on him...


Ever since the day Woohyun left his side, it was like he was walking around in a big black labyrint with no ending. His depression grew on him when he had no one to talk about the pain with, and all the other friends kind of continued with their own lives after graduating. Instead of letting his thoughts eat him up alive, he had drowed himself into different part-time jobs 18 hours a day.


He didn't even know what he wanted the money he earned for any longer, since the urge to go abroad just wasn't exciting at all anymore. But after the first year of working he bought himself an own apartment close to a dog shelter since he really loved animals. The middle-aged couple that was running the shelter were nice to him and invited him for dinner at least three times a week.


Playing at the shelter with the dogs also made him feel relaxed. The dogs there was just as abandoned as he was, and that made him want to give them all the love they showed him back to them. Dogs weren't judging, neither did they leave their friends or owners behind. He always felt heartbroken for the animals who had to get through pain and death by the cause of stupid idiots called human beings. Animals were very precious to him.



That was Taeil's life now - waking up, saying hi to the dogs at the shelter, work and then sleep. Even though he quit one of his jobs so he only worked 12 hours a day now, he still felt like a robot, showing no emotions to anyone exept for the dogs and the couple at the shelter. His parents hadn't bothered visiting him, only calling to ask how he was doing once every week - they had never cared that much for him anyway, his little brother was way more important.


He walked home, holding the black been noodle package he'd brought from his part-time job in his hand, looking up at the stars. He thought about what Woohyun was doing, what if they still would be friends and he still lived in Seoul then they would probably be out drinking and flirting with random girls this friday night.


He snorted to himself. It was not that he wanted it, the urge for contact with people and one-night-stands had faded away long ago. But the feeling of having someone who actally wanted to hang out with you, and girls who actually wanted to have sex with you was dearly missed.


"Who am I kidding though," he whispered to himself, "I will never be able to trust somebody that much again."


Because why would someone stay when everyone had left?

Chapter Text

The rain was heavy as Taeil walked out of the Sinchon subway exit near his job, sighing as he pulled out his umbrella from his backpack. Two highschoolers bumped into him, running and screaming about their hair getting ruined.


"Suit yourself when you're too stupid to bring an umbrella," he muttered to himself, rolling his eyes.


The staff greeted him as he walked into the big café he worked at between 10am to 3pm.


"Ah Taeil-ah, can you take my shift after 3pm today?" his arm got caught, "I finally got a date with the girl I've been writing to on instagram!!" His workmate, Jaehyo, announced excited.


Taeil snorted, "Don't you mean the girl you've been stalking on instagram?"


"Yah!" Jaehyo slapped his arm, "But pleeease, can't you? Your other part-time isn't starting until 6pm right?"


Taeil nodded, "Yeah sure, it should be ok. Have you asked the boss?"


"Thank you!!" he hugged Taeil joyfully while Taeil made a face of displeasement, not hugging back at all, "I will tell now! I owe you on this one!"


Taeil gave him a smile, Jaehyo was a fun person to work with, even though he was a bit too childish and energetic for Taeil's taste. They had been starting working around the same time at this café, which meant they had been training together to brew coffee, and handle the costumers the correct way. Jaehyo was sort of a casanova and was often scolded for flirting around with the female costumers - still got scolded for this.


"The girls like it!" is his favorite line of defence, "We get more costumers because of my face!"


Taeil rolled his eyes every time, so did their boss.


The day went by as it usually did, with too much caffé latte's being made and colorful bakings served to smiling girls. The shift between 12pm and 3pm were always full of 80% female costumers, in which the boss had decided that all the latte art had to be kittens, flowers and other 'pretty' things - Taeil didn't like pretty things.


The shift between 3pm and 6pm were more mixed though. A lot of couples came for a date after school and a lot of buisness people talked about work over a cup of coffee.There was also always those who did their homework or work, tapping on their laptops.


Taeil always wondered how the lives of those people were like, were they happy? Were they sad? What were they hiding? Were they, too, only feeling like robo-


"Excuse me?"


Taeil snapped out of his thoughts and looked up, "Sorry! How may I help you?"


The costumer chuckled, "Spacing out are we?"




"It's ok," smiled the costumer, "Yah, Jiho what did you want?"


"I told you a caffé mocha with that brownie there!"


Taeil looked up the see where the other voice came from, and saw a guy with a big 'comme des fuckdown'-cap leaning against the wall beside a table by the window.
"Yeah, that's right," the person in front of him sighed, "Um, then what he said, and I'll get a iced americano with that fruitcake over there."


Taeil nodded and went to pick out the cakes they'd chosen. "Anything else?"


"Ah yes, wait... Jihoon-ah what did you want?" the person in front of him asked with a loud voice again.


"Fucks sake, hyung!" Taeil noticed another guy with bright hair sitting down on one of the chairs at the same table.


"He said ginger tea, Kyung-ah. When will you start fucking memorizing things?" the one leaning against the wall answered.


The person in front of him, Kyung, swore under his breath, "Well, you heard him."


Taeil nodded and Kyung handed him the money, "I will bring your drinks when they're done."


"Ah ok," the one in front of him smiled again and walked of, "Yah give me money now, it cost more than I thought it would!"


Taeil saw the guys laugh and teased the guy named Kyung about being a cheapskate.


Taeil missed having friends like that, hanging out many times a week and just having a laugh at pointless things. He sighed as he skimmed the milk for the caffé mocha, and looked over to the three guys who were laughing loudly.


When their drinks were ready he walked up slowly to their table by the window, careful not to spill anything, or mess up the 'precious' latte art.


"Here's your drinks," he said and bowed lightly before he started to pass out the drinks.


"Wow, nice pattern you did here," the one in the cap said, and smiled while he took his caffé mocha.


Taeil gave him an embarrassed smile and nodded slightly as a thanks. He didn't like talking to people he didn't know. It wasn't like he hated it, he just felt like it was pointless talking to people he didn't know and if they asked questions, he usually answered very short. It had taken him a long time to open up to Woohyun, and even longer to even start talking comfortably to his workmate Jaehyo.


He handed the tea for the guy with the bright hair who smiled to him, "Thank you!" he said with a dark voice and gave Taeil a little wink.


Taeil frowed at that, slightly taken aback.


The guy called Kyung took his iced americano from the plate and giggled, "Jihoon here thinks you're cute."


Taeil looked at him with big eyes, then back to the blonde guy.
What the fuck?


"What's you name?" the blonde asked.


Taeil didn't really know how to handle this situation, he was feeling confused and uncomfortable, so he decided to just leave.


"Enjoy your drinks," he said and went back to he counter.


Taeil felt the three guys watch him during their whole stay. He hated being stared upon and tried hard to focus on everything else, luckily it came a lot of costumers, which Taeil was really thankful for. Once in a while though he took a glance towards the window table and he saw the three of them sitting down with blocks and pencils, discussing lively about something with serious faces. Not that he was interested, but he wanted to know what they were writing about.


Hours went by and the clock turned 6pm. Taeil streched his back and neck before he took off his black vest with the café's name on it and headed back to the staff room. He took on his oversized jacket, followed by his black beanie and folded his now dried umbrella, putting it inside his bag, thinking about what he should buy for dinner.


He waved goodbye to his workmates as he walked out in the café again and whished them a good evening.


"See you tomorow, Taeil-oppa!" one of his female workmate waved back to him.


He shot a glance towards the window table to see if the three guys were still there, but regretted it when he noticed that all of them were looking back at him.


"Are you going already?" the blonde haired one, who thought he'd looked cute, asked.


Taeil gave him a nervous smile and bowed slightly as a 'goodbye' and hurried out of the café.


Once he was out he took a deep breath before continuing walking.
Why are they talking so much? he thought, A costumer should only talk to the workers when they order and never after again aaahhh... he scratched his head.


"Hey, wait!"


Taeil froze and cursed a million times, Seriously...
He turned around and saw the one of the three guys who had ordered from him.


"We're going to eat ramen now before going home, and Jihoonie wants you to join," he smirked at him.


Taeil frowned at him and saw the other two guys coming out from the café, walking towards their friend.


"Come on, we're not dangerous!"


Taeil doubted that, this kind of senario only happened to people who ended up getting raped.


The guy took a few step forward and held out his hand, "My name is Park Kyung by the way," he smiled to him, "and that's Woo Jiho with the cap, and Pyo Jihoon," he poined back to his friends.


Taeil looked at them with raised eyebrows and took Park Kyung's hand and shook it without much interest.


Kyung laughed, "Usually you say your own name when others introduce theirs."


The other two guys had catched up on Kyung and was now both smiling down at him, Taeil felt both nervous and irritated, what did they want anyway?


"What's your name?" Pyo Jihoon asked him.


Taeil cursed once again, "I'm Lee Taeil."


"Wow, he said it!" Woo Jiho giggled and hit Jihoon with delight.


"Hi, Lee Taeil," Kyung said to him, "So, do you want to join us?"


Taeil sighed, "No, I have to go home," he said and turned to walk away.


"Aww come on! We're not going to murder you!" Jiho said and took hold of Taeil's arm.


Anger took over as he yanked his arm away from the other guy's grip, "I already said no! Why do you all keep talking to me? Just go!"


The three guys raised their eyebrows, "Hey, no need to get mad."


Taeil sighed, "Goodbye," he turned around and started walking.


He knew he was being a little bitchy, but who asked someone they never met before out for ramen after they'd said they looked cute? Rapists, kidnappers, murderers and robbers did, no one else.


He still cursed at the three guys while he was grocery shopping, still irritated about everything that in the end he forgot to buy half of the groceries he was suppossed to buy.

Chapter Text

He squinted his eyes as the morning sun hit him when he walked out of the door. The weather was nice, the sun was set high, but the air was still cold enough to wear a jacket.


He smiled as he saw the dogs running towards him, sitting down on the ground to let them bury their faces onto him, greeting them with a happy smile.


"Is it you Taeil?"


Taeil looked up at the male owner, Kangchil, and waved.


The tall, strong built male went to him and sat down as well, playing with the dogs, "My dear wife wants to know what kind of meat you want for tonight's dinner."


"Oh, that's means I'm invited?"


The male smiled, "If she would decide, you would eat here every day!"


Both of them laughed, "Any meat is fine really." Taeil finally answered.


"Then I'll say you wanted some pork belly, because that's what I want today," Kangchil winked.


Taeil let out a giggle.


"Jina!!" he called for his wife, "He says he wants pork belly!"


The female owner appeared in the doorway, "I'll go buy it later then!" she waved at him, smiling.


Kangchil gave Taeil's shoulder a squeeze, "Just come here after work, ok?"


"I will, thank you," Taeil said and stood up, "Better get going now,"


"See you later!"


Taeil waved goodbye to both of them as he started walking towards the subway station.



After packing up groceries at the big supermarket in Yeouido for three hours, Taeil headed back to the café in Sinchon for his shift for today.


As soon as he walked into the staff-room he was greeted by the most foolish smile he'd ever seen.


"I guess the date went good?" he said to the beaming Jaehyo.


"Are you kidding?! It was amazing!" Jaehyo was jumping in excitement, "She wore the cutest little dress I've ever seen! And she was always trying to hide her mouth when she laughed, and she was so pretty!!"


Taeil rolled his eyes, "So she likes you?"


Jaehyo's smile faded a little, "Yeah, she should right? If she's acting like that."


Taeil snorted, "So you don't know if she likes you?"


"Well, she didn't say anything about it," Jaehyo said and scratched his head, "I didn't really ask so,"


"You're an idiot," Taeil sighed before taking some cupcakes, sorting them with all the other cookies and bakings by the cash desk.


"I'm not! She blushed and smiled a lot! That learns more towards liking."


Taeil giggled, shrugging, "I don't know man."


Jaehyo made a frustrated sound, "Why can't you have some fucking experience so you can help me with things like this?!"


Taeil raised an eyebrow at him, "I've been in relationships before!"


Jaehyo looked at him with the same expression, "Sure you have."


"I have!"


Jaehyo snorted, then went off to serve an order of cappuccinos.


"Fucking fucker..." Taeil muttered, "Does it matter if I've been in a relationship or not? I've still been with girls and done things, so I'm not fucking inexperienced..."


He took the order from two giggling girls who wanted two White chocolate & raspberry cupcakes, complied with heart patterned caffé latte's. Taeil wanted to throw up.


About one hour after Taeil's shift had started, Jaehyo tapped him on the shoulder, "Hey, that guy over there has been staring at you ever since you got here."



Taeil frowned and looked around the café, then froze as his eyes landed on a bright haired guy.


"It's that one from yesterday..." he whispered and quickly looked away.


"Huh?" Jaehyo tried to look at the same direction.


"Don't look at him!" Taeil pulled his arm so he turned around.


"Ouch! You don't have to rip my arm off!" Jaehyo loudly complained.


"Why is he here again today?!" Taeil groaned.


"Wait, who is he?"


"He and his friends got here yesterday after you had left, were really damn weird, asking me to come with them for dinner! And that particular guy there said he thought I was fucking cute," Taeil snarled.


"Well, you are cute," Jaehyo stated, expressionless.


"Shut up!" Taeil flicked his finger at Jaehyo's forehead, earning another yelp from the guy.


"It was like they all wanted to rape me or something!"


Jaehyo rubbed his forehead, "I think they were just trying to be nice or-"


"No!" Taeil buried his face in his hands, "Why are you so naive and stupid?"


"I think it's you who's overreacting, really."


Taeil gave him a dirty look.


Jaehyo looked back at him, "Just ignore him if he's annoying," he sighed and walked away to clean up some tables.


Taeil groaned again, then distracted himself with cleaning the workspace, even though it was shining already.


"Um... Can I get a coffee?" a quiet voice asked.


Taeil looked up and was met by the uncertain eyes of that bright haired guy, Jihoon.


They stared at each other in silence first, both of them unsure what to do.


Taeil cleared his throat, "A regular black?"


Jihoon just looked at him.


Taeil sighed, "Can you say what-"


"I'm sorry," Jihoon said quietly and looked down, as if he was embarrassed, "I'm sorry if you were offended in any way, or if we scared you or something yesterday,"


Taeil frowned, looking away, "It's ok."


"No, you got irritated and I'm sorry," Jihoon continued, "My friends are kind of straight forward, and I get more courage when I'm with them," he laughed nervously, "I would never tell you that I thought you were cute if I was alone! Even though I, you know, I think you are."


Silence. Taeil wanted to run away from this damn situation.


Jihoon cleared his throat, "So yeah, I just wanted to say sorry for um... invading your personal space and so on."


The bright haired pulled his bangs back awkwardly and looked up at Taeil, waiting for him to say something.


Taeil figured the taller felt just as awkward as he did, "Um, thank you for apologizing,"


Jihoon smiled widely, "No problem! I thought you had started to hate me!"


Taeil shook his head slightly, "I don't even know you," he said to himself.


"You can hate my friends if you want to, just don't hate me, ok?"


Jihoon winked at him, waving as he turned to walk out of the café, bowing as he walked out of the door.


Taeil looked after him, sighing, "How strange can you get?"

Chapter Text

Taeil turned up the volume on his ipod as he rode down the streets on his bicycle the next morning. Every Tuesday and Thursday mornings he delivered the morning papers in the neighbourhoods around his own. It wasn't a well-paid job, but being up and outside that early in the morning gave him a comfortable feeling, giving room for his thoughts to wander around freely.


Today though, his mind wouldn't shut up about Jihoon. He thought back on what had happened yesterday, what he had said to the boy, and the look he had given him.


Taeil sighed.


He wanted, in the end, to meet him again to apologize, but also not, since he should be happy that he finally left.


He also hated the disappointment that built up within him when Jihoon didn't show up at the café that day. Of course he shouldn't show up after what he had said to him, was he stupid? Had he wanted Jihoon to come anyway? In some way.. he had expected him too.


"Hey, Jihoon's here," Jaehyo nudged his shoulder.


Taeil looked up, searching frantically for the boy.


Jaehyo doubled over in laughter, "Oh my god, you're totally waiting for him to come!"


Taeil glared at his friend, "I'm not!"


"Then why did you tense up and looked all excited when I said he was here?"


"I fucking didn't,"


How could this be so embarassing?




Two weeks later his life was back to normal. It would be weird to say that he missed having Jihoon stalking him, but it some way that was exactly what he was feeling. Maybe having someone paying that much attention to you after such a long time, took forward some fake annoying feelings.


It's like when you find a new friend you match perfectly with, and all your happy feelings kind of confuses you to the point of sometimes getting butterflies around said friend. Because of that, you start thinking about maybe having a crush on that person, but no, it's just your happiness overflowing about the fact that you found someone you really like to hang out with.


Maybe this was that kind of feeling? Since someone liked him and wasn't afraid to show it, poured himself all over him, even though Taeil didn't possess the same feelings back. Just having Jihoon there all the time, expecting him to be there - but now he's not, would that turn into missing the person? Or?


"Fuck it, I'm going crazy!"




Another week later, just after finish his shift at the shop, he was stopped in his tracks by seeing Jihoon's friend standing by the wall. While their gazes met Taeil felt that horrible anxiety build up because he knew he was there to meet him.


Jihoon's friend walked up to him with a serious face, "Hi, you remember me right? I'm Jiho, Jihoon's friend."


Taeil nodded.


"Can we go talk for a sec?" Jiho asked, pointing at the park across the street.


"Sure..." Taeil, unsure of what would come, followed Jiho awkwardly. It felt like back during school days when you had broken some stupid rule and got taken to the headmasters.


Is he going to yell at me for dumping his friend?


When they reached the park, Jiho sat down on a bench and moved for Taeil to sit beside him. A few silent seconds went by before Jiho finally opened his mouth.


"Ok, this is pretty damn awkward," the taller laughed, "but I just wanted to ask if you're gay or not?"


Taeil stared at him, mouth sightly open.


"Judging by that look, I guess you're not,"


Still staring at him, Taeil coughed, "Why are you asking?"


"Well, we actually thought you were gay.. Sorry."


"Do I look gay to you?"


"Well you, kind of, have the vibe?"


Taeil frowned, "The v-"


"Don't be a hater."


"I'm not actua-"


"Anyway, Jihoon is gay, as you probably already figured out, and is still talking about you all the damn time, even though you threw him away like that."


Taeil felt a tingly feeling inside his stomach hearing Jiho's words.


Jiho studied him and continued, "Even though I think you should've said it in a better way, I still understand your feelings. I'm straight too, and if I was in your position I would feel kind of scared or awkward too," he paused, "But, are you really sure you don't feel anything at all towards Jihoon?"


Taeil met the others eyes, but not saying anything.


Jiho smiled, "I mean, me and Kyung wants to help him forget about you and are planning to go out with some friends this weekend," he started, "You know, to make him think about something else, maybe getting him some- well, you know."


Taeil raised an eyebrow, "Help him get laid?"


Jiho giggled, "Well yes, that usually get people thinking about something else."


Taeil snorted, looking away, "Is he even legal?"


"What?" Jiho asked.


Taeil shook his head, the thought of Jihoon having sex kind of disturbed him, and the more it sunk into his head, the more of a strange angry feeling he got about it. Wasn't he the one Jihoon couldn't stop thinking about, so why would he have sex with others? Also, wasn't he too young to have sex? He looked way too-


"Hello?" Jiho poked his arm, "What are you thinking about?"


Taeil shrugged, "Nothing."


Jiho smirked and continued, "So, I'm just going to ask you if you want to come with us. Have some fun and get to know us all, don't have to be a start of a relationship, since you're straight, but like a friendship? You get it?"




"Because if you don't feel anything towards him, then you should just try and be friends and just hang out. Having fun once in a while won't hurt you. We can even try and get you a girl too!" Jiho winked.


Taeil sighed, having no idea what to do or how to handle this whole situation. A part of him wanted to go, but if he went, wasn't that just proving he was interested, even though they promised only a "friendly"-hangout? But the thought of going on a trip again after so many years kind of made him excited.


You don't even know them! he screamed to himself inside his head.


"Come on! It's going to be fun!" Jiho wiggled in his seat, acting cute.


Taeil wrinkled his nose at the other's actions, "I dont know,"


"We can pick you up at Ichon station on Saturday. We'll drive to a friend's house in Suwon to have some barbeque, then go out to some random club downtown to get wasted," Jiho beamed.


"Are you even 20 yet?"


"Come on, I bet we're not that much younger than you are. You even look younger than most of us," Jiho laughed.


Taeil rolled his eyes.


"So yeah, Ichon station at 4pm on Saturday then!" Jiho threw him thumbs up, and stood up.


"Wait, I didn't agree to anything yet!" Taeil protested.


"Well, seeing you debating in your head about what to do, and not saying no in the beginning, I feel that you wanted to,"


Taeil stood up, about to complain, but Jiho waved at him and walked away.


He groaned, what had he gotten himself into? He hated being around new people, and since usually he was so tired overall he tended to just hate everyone overall. But maybe it was going to be fun?


Who was he kidding?


"I'll just stay at home," he sighed to himself and walked to the station, taking the subway home.

Chapter Text

"He's so cute!" Jihoon squealed with happiness.


"Yeah, we know," Kyung muttered, "You told us before."


"He's always biting on his lower lip, and he's always pouting when he's thinking and-"


"Okay, okay," Jiho threw his hands up, "You can shut up now,"


Jihoon giggled like a kid.


Kyung smiled at him, "Look, we're happy that you're in love and so on, but have you talked to him since the last time?"


"Not really."


True, Jihoon had visited the café Taeil worked at almost every day since that time he came to apologize. He always sat at the same table, on the same chair, to get the best view of the boy. He always ordered something hot to drink, observing the small man until the cup was empty. It usually took about and hour, so he always spent his lunch-time there.


"You're a stalker," Jiho stated and drank from his soda can.


"I'm not!"



-   -   -


"He's stalking me!" Taeil groaned loudly.


"Think about it in a good way," Jaehyo said while fixing his bangs in the mirror, "Be happy that someone actually likes you."


"Yeah, fuck you too."


Jaehyo sighed, "Why do you always get all defensive and angry as soon as I joke about something?"


Taeil shrugged, "Because you're an idiot."


"Well, you are too. Loosen up will you?"


Taeil glared at him. "Would you be happy to have a stalker then? More precisely a male stalker?"


Jaehyo turned around to face him, "No, I guess not."


"Exactly, so why should I be happy?"


"Because you have a fanboy," he grinned.


"I don't want a fanboy!!"


"Chill out. I think it's kinda cute that he likes you. I mean, he's looking at you in the same way a girl is looking at her favorite idol."


Taeil rolled his eyes.


Jaehyo let out a laugh, "Why don't you try and date him?"


"I'm not fucking gay."


"Have you ever tried having sex with a guy?"


Taeil frowned, "No? Why sh-"


"They how can you know?" Jaehyo gave him an evil smirk.


Taeil glared at him even more, "I hate you so much," he spat, and left the changing room.



Taeil cursed when he saw Jihoon enter the café later that day. Jaehyo had told him that the blonde had visited around four o'clock a few days in the beginning after their last meeting. And after noticing Taeil hadn't been there, he had in the end gone to the counter, asking Jaehyo if Taeil had quit the job. And Jaehyo of course, being the idiot he was, had told the blonde boy that he hadn't quit, he just happened to work the early shift until 3pm. Taeil hated him for this fact, and he hated this Jihoon guy even more. Didn't he have school to attend to?


Jihoon smiled brightly at him when he reached the counter, "I want a chai latte today, please"


"Okay," trying to sound as nice as possible, "Something to eat?"


"No, I'll get fat again,"


Taeil raised an eyebrow.


"I was very fat before you know. Like those in America who only eats at McDonalds all the time!"




"That's not very charming right? But now I'm very handsome." Jihoon winked.


"Good for you? 3900 won please."




Taeil took a breath, "For the latte."


Jihoon released a laugh, "I thought you meant that you would pay 3900 won for me,"


"Oh my God," Taeil rolled his eyes, "I'll come with the chai when it's done."


"I know you will,"


Jihoon smiled and walked to his usual table and sat down. Taeil turned around to make the chai latte, cursing in his head. '3900 won for me', he put down the mug with some force on the counter, 'What the fuck is that even?' he hated cheesy comments to his guts.


When he was done he took the chai, not bothering to do any art on it, and walked towards Jihoon.


After placing the drink on the table he sat down on one of the chairs in front of the other. Jihoon looked shocked at first, but Taeil saw the spark of hope in his eyes.


Taeil exhaled, "Look, I don't know why you keep on coming here. If it's because you like me or something, I appreciate it, but I want you to stop."


"Why? I want to see you."


"But I don't want to see you..."


Jihoon leaned over the table, "Sorry, I just like you so mu-"


"How can you like me without even knowing me?!" Taeil hissed, not loud enough for the other costumers to hear, "I don't care if you're gay or whatever, but I'm not! So stop sitting here, staring at me like a damn stalker every day!"


Jihoon retreated to his chair, "I'm-"


"Please... just stop."


Taeil stood up and walked back to the counter. His heart was racing with anger, so much he actually had to kneel down to take some deep breaths. He didn't want to look back and see what kind of reaction he had gotten from the other boy, he just waited for the sound of the doorbell, confirming the others' leave.


"Wasn't that a bit harsh?" Jaehyo said as he kneeled down beside him, "He looks pretty sad you know."


Taeil avoided his workmate's gaze, "Good, then he won't come back."


"You're an asshole." Jaehyo said and stood up, walking away.


Taeil looked down at the ground, 'What does that idiot know?'. He regretted so much that he had agreed to take Jaehyo's shift that day, because if he hadn't, then he never would had met this guy. He never took compliments as a good thing, and when someone said they liked him, it was even worse. It was like a big joke to make fun of him and Taeil hated it.


The only thing Taeil wanted was to be left alone, and live alone in darkness, because that was what he was used to do.


He stood up again, but stumbled backwards as he saw Jihoon standing right in front of him, staring down at him from his tall figure.


'Was he always this tall?!'


"I know I've been kind of stalker-ish and I'm sorry that I offended you," the boy said quietly, "Also yes, I do like you, and I'm sorry if that offended you too."


Taeil could only stare at the other.


"I'm sorry that I made you mad again," he bowed his head, "And I'm sorry that I had to apologize again," he mearly whispered, then turned to finally leave the café.


Taeil looked after him, pulling his fingers through his hair. Guilt. He actually felt quilty. Even though he wanted him to leave and never come back, he felt that maybe he should've handled this better.


"Like I said, good job..." Jaehyo said sarcasticly as he walked by.



- - -



"Come on, what's the problem? We need to finish this before the representation tomorrow!" Jiho whined, slapping Jihoon on the shoulder.


"Your boyfriend weren't at work today or what?" Kyung asked, sitting down beside Jihoon on the big cream-white sofa in Jiho's room.


"He was there," Jihoon answered, looking down at his untouched papers.


"Then what? Did he dump you or something?"


Jihoon pouted, "It's not like we were a couple in the first place."


"So he did dump you?" Kyung exclaimed.


Jihoon didn't bother answering.


Jiho sat down as well, resting a bit before continuing the new song the three was composing for their music class. "He turned you down?"


Jihoon groaned, "He's not gay."


The two friends looked at him.


Kyung was the first to speak, "What really? He totally had the gayvibe though."


"Do you understand how much I've embarrassed myself in front of him now?! I bet he fucking hates me for real!!" Jihoon complained loudly. "You said he was gay! You told me that he was fucking gay!" he pointed accusingly at Kyung.


Kyung shook his shoulders, "Well, it looked like he"


"I thought you knew! Not just assumed you knew!"


"Hey, don't be mad at him." Jiho said.


Jihoon gave him a stare, "I started to have feelings for this guy! He's the cutest guy on earth, I've even been thinking about what we could do as a first date for weeks now!"


Kyung sighed, "I know and I'm sorry, ok? Just forget about him then and find another cute one."


"Are you serious?" Jihoon snorted, "When you had that crush on our vocal teacher and then found out she was engaged, you didn't forget about her and kept complaining about it for one year!"


Jiho laughed, "He's right."


"Whatever," Kyung muttered, then walked over to the computer to continue his work.


Jiho leaned forward to the younger, "I'm sorry that he was straight, Jihoon-ah. But maybe you can talk to him about it?"


"No, he told me to leave him alone, and probably never wants me to come back."


"Ouch, was he that harsh?"


Jihoon nodded, "So yeah, I just apologized and left."


"That sucks man," Jiho patted his younger friend on the head, smiling at the pouting boy.


"Why did he wait that long to say that though?" Jihoon sighed, "I mean, if he hated me that much, why didn't he tell me before?"


"He's shy remember," Kyung said from the computer, "We all noticed that the first time we met him."


Jiho agreed, "Yeah, he didn't even talk."


Now Jihoon just felt bad. He knew how stalker-ish he could be when he found someone he liked, and now he realized how much pressure that probably had been for someone who didn't like him back. Usually the ones he flirted with always liked him back, so this was something, well, kind of new to him.


More importantly, he had never fallen for a straight guy before.


"Just imagine him all scared because we talked to him!" Kyung laughed, "Poor little boy, probably never talks to anyone."


Jiho laughed along with him, and Jihoon collapsed face down on the sofa, banging his head,


"I'm an idiot!"

Chapter Text

"Why the fuck am I here?" Taeil swore to himself as he stood awkwardly, rocking his body back and forth, outside the exit of Ichon station where they Jiho, without his permission, had decided to pick him up. He'd promised himself not to go, to not do something stupid, but had in the end found himself picking out a decent outfit for the gathering.


His stomach made an awful turn when a white Hyundai i20 stop a few meters away from him, three boys stepping out of the car, waving at him.


"Oh My God, I hate myself so much,"


"I totally thought you would diss us!" Kyung laughed at him as they reached him.


Jiho smirked down at him, "You made the right decision," he said and hooked an arm around his neck.


"No, I didn't,"


Taeil felt a strange feeling shot through him when his eyes fell on Jihoon.


"Hi," Jihoon greeted him awkwardly, "I'm glad you came."


I'm not happy I came... Taeil bowed his head back at him.


When they stood by the car another guy walked out from the driving seat and smiled brightly at Taeil.


"Hi, my name is Minhyuk, your driver for today," the guy said and shook Taeil's hand.


"Taeil," he answered shortly.


"So he's the new one?" Minhyuk asked.


"Yes," Kyung answered, "Better be nice to him,"


"I'm always nice! It's you he should be worrying about."


Taeil gave Kyung a sceptical look,


"Better be careful, little one," Kyung gave him a playful warning, before pushing Taeil inside the car, where he got seated in between Kyung and Jihoon.



During the ride, the others talked nonstop, asking Taeil question after question, leaving him no time to answer any of them - not that he really wanted to answer them. All while they, especially Kyung, complained about him being too quiet. When he didn't have time to answer, how could they even complain? Taeil felt like rolling down the car's window and jump out through it.


How socially awkward had he become? Before, during his school days, he loved hanging around with all these different kinds of people. He didn't even remember how he used to be back then nowadays. What person was he really? Who was he? He left his true personality back with his memories.


"I'm very happy you came," Jihoon said suddenly and Taeil turned to look at him.


"I hope you will have fun with us, and I'm not going to make you feel awkward or anything, so just relax and I will keep my distance," Jihoon smiled to him and Taeil felt this stupid feeling in his stomach again.


"Yeah, don't worry," he answered, looking out of the window again, missing the concerned look Jihoon gave him.



Soon enough (not really but eventually they had started talking about other things and let Taeil wander of in his own thoughts) they drove into Suwon city and arrived at a white house with a pretty big nice garden. Once they'd stopped the car, Jiho got out first and opened the back trunk, followed by the others.


"Hey, guys!"


Taeil turned around to see another new person, probably their friend and owner of the place, standing on the doorstep, smiling way too brightly for Taeil's taste.


"Better close your eyes now," Jiho nudged his shoulder.


Taeil looked up to him with a confused look, but Jiho only laughed and pointed to Minhyuk, who now was half-running towards the new smiling boy. Once he got there, they hugged closely before Minhyuk lift him up, spinning around before pulling him in for a long kiss.


Taeil stared in mixed awe and shock, he had never seen two guys kiss each other like that, and looking so happy about it. He'd only seen those small pecks & drunken kisses random people gave each other in clubs and other parties.


"Shocked?" Jiho looked over at him, handing him his bag.


Taeil shrugged, "Just... unusual."


"Yeah, in the beginning it is, I guess," Jiho smiled.


"We were all shocked when they told us they were dating," Kyung added on, "We've all been friends for a while and no one saw it coming."


"Why not?"


Kyung laughed, "Well, first of all, we were dead sure they were straight. Minhyuk even had a girlfriend."


"Which he had been dating for three years," Jiho pointed out.


Kyung took out his bag from the car and continued, "We thought they were going to get married, that's how close he and his ex-girlfriend were!"


Taeil was confused, "He dumped her because of him then?"


"Yes," Jihoon said and pulled out his bag as well, before closing the trunk door, "They haven't told us the entire story, but it was a rough period for both of them before they finally got together."


"Minhyuk nearly killed everyone during his rage of realization that he was in love with a boy," Jiho smirked.


"It was terrifying!" Kyung laughed, "But yeah, turned out fine in the end and now they're way too happy for everyone's comfort instead," he finished, starting to walk towards the house, followed by Jihoon.


Taeil mind was racing. So Minhyuk found out he liked the other guy while being in a relationship with a girl? Without knowing he was into boys in the beginning? Then dumped her because he fell for this smiling dude. Would have made more sense if they were declaired bisexuals from the beginning, not dead as straight, as quoted by Kyung. Of course he had heard the stories about people suddenly falling for the same gender or vice versa, when they already had put themselves under a 'label', but it just sounded too cliché.


Taeil shook his head in annoyance and Jiho seemed to notice the other's struggle, "Hey, if you're not comfortable with it, just ignore it."


"No, it's ok, I have no problem with it."


"Good, let's go in then!"


Taeil said hello to the new guy, who presented himself as Yukwon. This Yukwon boy never seemed to stop smiling, and whenever Minhyuk was by his side he smiled even more - if that was even possible. Taeil studied the two while cutting the yellow paprika Yukwon had given him, into slices for the barbeque, he also studied the others, watching them laugh and play around while preparing the food.


Seeing they all enjoying each other's company brought back many memories. Memories when he too could be this relaxed, laughing all day with his friends. Seeing other people happy always made him realize what a neglected and lonely person he really was. It hurt. It hurt so much.


After he was done with the paprika, he picked up the zucchini, cutting it into the right sized pieces as well, after that he grabbed some mushrooms - everything to avoid being talked to.


"Done!" Jiho exhaled loudly five minutes later, "Let's go out and start the barbeque!"


Everyone cheered, except Taeil, and as they put their shoes on to go outside he excused himself to the bathroom.


As he locked the door, he sat down on the toilet lid, letting out the long breath he'd held up inside of him for the last thirty minutes. His heart was beating painfully hard and his whole body was aching, "Why the fuck did I come here?" He repeated to himself, bringing his shaking hands up to cover his face, trying to put his breathing down to stop his body from shaking so violently. The pain grew stronger over his chest as that same feeling of getting a corset put on, squeezing his chest and lungs together, giving him no access to oxygen, came. He gasped for air, clutching to his ribs, trying to massage them gently but the pain was unbearable.


Panic attack. He'd had a few.


Tears rolled down his cheeks as he sunk down to the floor, trying his best to calm down and get enough air into his lungs to prevent himself from fainting and loosing it all. The memories of his past happy life made him dizzy, making his vision get darker and he coughed loudly as the breathing once again failed him.


After what seemed like forever, his body finally had stopped shaking. He brought his knees up as close to him as possible, hugging them as hot tears spilled over.


"I'm pathetic..."

Chapter Text

"Hasn't Jihoon's favorite been to the toilet for too long now?" Minhyuk said as he flipped the hamburgers on the grill.


"I started to think it was too long ten minutes ago," Jihoon muttered, looking towards the window of the bathroom.


"Go and check on him then," Jiho said, "Maybe he ran away?"


Some of them let out a laugh, Jihoon glared at his friend.


"No hard feelings but he seems pretty wierd," Minhyuk said, shrugging his shoulders, "I thought you meant you would bring along a friend, as in -known for a long time- friend, when you asked me. But then you bring along a guy you pretty much doesn't know at all?"


"We brought him for Jihoon, so he could get to know him better," Kyung said.


Jihoon pointed a finger at the elder, "You said we should bring him, because you thought he seemed like a nice guy! It was not my decision!"


"Of course we do, we don't mind him being here and you know that," Jiho said, "But don't you think he's acting all strange as well?"


"Wouldn't you be awkward with people you don't know?" Jihoon answered, "I just think it's, I don't know, difficult for him."


"What would be difficult?" Minhyuk sighed, "We're like the easiest and most open-minded people to get along with, seriously,"


"I don't think it's about things like that," Yukwon interrupted, "Let it take time. If he like our company, he will show it soon enough,"


Jihoon looked at him, "We shouldn't have brought him here in the first place." The others met his eyes thoughtfully, and Jihoon turned to look for the boy.


Once he reached the bathroom door he hesitated, walking as discreet as possible, quietly leaning against the door, listening carefully for any sound coming from inside.


He was just about to knock when the door opened and Taeil stepped out, "Shit!" he screamed, "You scared me!"


Jihoon was startled as well, "S-sorry! Just got here to check if you were ok,"


Jihoon eyed the older boy, and Taeil avoided his gaze.


"So, are you ok? You've been gone for 20 minutes.."


Taeil put on his best fake smile, "Yeah sorry, just needed to poo!"


Jihoon looked at him in disbelief for a second, not buying it at all, "I can understand if it's uncomfortable for you being here-"


"It's not!" Taeil said, smiling again, "Let's go out and eat."


Jihoon looked at the other as he walked pass him towards the door, something had clearly happened. He knew a fake smile when he saw one, he wasn't stupid. He hurried after him and reached out to grab the shorter's arm. Taeil turned around in surprise, and Jihoon could clearly see the slight pink hue that was patted around the other's eyes, the slight damp eyelashes. Obvious traces left by tears.


They looked at each other in silence, Jihoon wanting nothing else than for Taeil to explain what as wrong, what the source behind the tears were, because he saw the pain and felt guilty for maybe, probably, being the cause for it.


"Why have you been crying?" Jihoon asked quietly.


Fuck... Is it that obvious?


"What? No." Taeil said and pulled his arm away from the other's grip, "Why should I?"


Jihoon looked at him in concern, "That's my question. Why? If you want you can talk to me if-"


Taeil sighed, "I said I didn't,"




"Please Jihoon!" Taeil raised his voice, "Can't you just be satisfied and go with the flow and accept the fact that I don't want to talk about my feelings with you?"


Jihoon's eyes switched to the same defeated gaze they had done that time in the café. Guilt hit Taeil's stomach again.


Taeil drew his hand through his hair, " I'm sorry," he groaned, "I didn't mean to say that and-"


"It's ok," Jihoon smiled, "You don't need to explain. It can wait."


Taeil looked at him.




Taeil nodded.


"Good," Jihoon said and gave him a look of warmth and understanding, "Let's go out and eat!"


When their eyes met, Taeil felt this tingling feeling reaching his heart. What the..?


Jihoon bent down, looking at him more closely, "What is it? You look frightened,"


Taeil pushed him away, "Too close," he said quietly.


"Ah, haha!" Jihoon scratched his head, "Sorry. Come on, let's go out to the others."



The rest of the night went on better than before, no one asked unnecessary questions and after a few beers, and a great barbeque, Taeil was actually enjoying himself. He wasn't forced to talk and the group of friends were pretty easy to hang out with. Jihoon, Kyung and Jiho were all very talkactive and laughed loud and often, while Minhyuk was more laid-back though still talked a lot, Yukwon really just smiled and didn't bother talking much. Yukwon was clearly more of a listerner, and since Taeil didn't talk much either, he and Yukwon ended up talking quite a lot while the othes were fooling around.


Their conversations went all from animals to random movies they found out both of them loved, Yukwon also asked about his work and what kind of dreams and future goals he had. Taeil answered gladly, much to his own surprise, talked about his dream of opening an aquarium with all kinds of different fishes, sharks and make amazing environments with all the beautiful corals and submerged plants.


"Wow, that's amazing. I'll help you if you want!" Yukwon said, smiling brightly.


Taeil smiled back, "That would be great."


They giggled before Yukwon suddenly got jumped by a fairly drunk Minhyuk.


"Baby~ Don't talk to him, talk to me~" the drunk boyfriend whined, placing a kiss to Yukwon's neck.


"I can't talk with you while you're licking my neck," Yukwon laughed, lurking himself out from the other's embrace, "How did you get so drunk anyway, weren't you supposed to drive us to Hongdae?"


"Naah, we decided to just stay here and party! Houseparty~! Your family is away anyways."


Taeil nearly choked on his beer. Are we going to sleep here?!


Yukwon pouted, "Without asking us? What if I wanted to dance tonight?"


Minhyuk gave him a smirk, "You can dance on me, baby,"


Yukwon rolled his eyes and slapped him lightly, earning a devilish grin from the other.


"Seriously though, what did you drink?"


"Kyung brought vodka!"


Both Taeil and Yukwon turned to look at the others who sat in a circle on the grass, laughing, pouring up some vodka with soda.


"You guys want too?!" Jiho shouted at them, and Yukwon happily dragged Taeil with him.


"Yah!" Minhyuk shouted, "You're supposed to take my hand, not Taeil's?!"


They joined the group on the ground and Kyung mixed a drink and gave it to Taeil.


"How much can you take? Strong drinker?" he asked.


Taeil nodded, "I can handle a lot."


Of course he could handle a lot, he'd been drowning his feelings in alcohol for far too long.


Kyung smiled, "Then give that one to Yukwon and I'll make a stronger one for you!"


Taeil smiled and did as he was told.


"Good boy," Jiho said, "The stronger it is, the better taste."


"Oh yeah," Taeil agreed and took the new vodka mix Kyung offered him.



One hour later, they were all feeling the alcohol getting to their heads, some more than others, and was in the middle of playing random drinking games. Kyung lost almost everytime, which resulting in the most drinks to swipe, much to Jiho's delight. The alcohol also helped Taeil open up, and he found himself laughing along the others with a big smile.


"Fuuuuck!" Jiho screamed when the dice flipped to 6, which translated in him having to one-shot his drink, which was unfortunately filled to the top.


Another 40 minutes down, and the pure drunkenness hit all of them.
Minhyuk and Yukwon was lying down, full display on the ground, half of their clothes thrown away, making out with each other rather aggressively. Taeil looked at them in awe, sitting maybe a little bit too close for comfort, but they didn't even seem to notice him, too engrossed with each other.


"Taeil, you better get out of there before they start going further!" Kyung shouted at him.


Taeil shot his head up and giggled, crawling away from the couple.


"Hot together, aren't they?" Kyung nudged his shoulder as he reached them.


Taeil laughed, "Well,"


"By the way you looked at them, you'd think you like it!" Jiho lauged.


Taeil blushed, "No! It's just something I've never really seen so-"


"Excuses," Kyung waved his hand is disagreement.


Taeil hit the other boy's arm, cursing, just as a loud moan cut the air. All of them turned around, surprised to see Minhyuk hovering over Yukwon, mouths connected in a heated kiss, both their jeans dragged down, hands down jerking each other off.


"AAAH MY EYES!!" Jiho screamed, hurling himself into Kyung's lap.


Kyung and Jihoon shrieked of laughter, "Get the fuck inside!!"


The couple heaved themselves up, both giggling like 13-year old girls, pulling up their pants in the progress, walking into the house. Jiho cursed after them, "I can sue you for having sex in public in front of unwilling audience!!" In which he received the middle finger from Minhyuk.


Jihoon took the opportunity to scoot closer to Taeil , "Your cheeks are all red from the alcohol, so cute!" he poked the others' cheek, babying him.


Taeil laughed, "You're red too!"


Wow, he's actually good looking, Taeil thought as he studied Jihoon's face up so close.


I wonder how it feels.. like to do those things Yukwon just..did? He reached out to touch Jihoon's lips, not noticing the youngers' sharp inhale right under his touch.


Taeil leaned in, faces just inches apart, but then realized what he was about to do and pushed the other away, standing up.


"Shit, I'm sorry! What the fuck am I doing?!"


Kyung and Jiho, who'd been staring at the two in silence, praying for something to happen, chuckled, "The alcohol is getting to you," Kyung smirked.


He looked down and saw Jihoon staring up at him.

Fuck, he's really good-looking.


He shook the thought away, "I'm just going to get a glass of water," he said and went in for the kitchen.


As he stood by the refrigerator, drinking from his water bottle, he heard the faint sound from upstairs. Slight movements from the bed and moans.. loud moans. Are they seriously having sex?


The sounds affected him in ways he didn't want to, "Fuck..." he sighed to himself and leaned, face forward, against the wall.


The world was spinning and to top it all, he was getting horny, Great...


"Are you asleep?"


Jihoon's voice startled Taeil and he stumbled backwards. Jihoon giggled at his cute act, drinking up the last soju in his bottle, putting it on the sink beside Taeil.


"You scared me," Taeil said, letting out a breath.


"I'm sorry," the other smiled.


Another loud moan, followed by a groan was heard from upstairs again and Jihoon burst out laughing. "Maybe we should go out again? Isn't in uncomfortable to hear this?"


Taeil faked a laugh, he was embarrassed. He liked the sound, it turned him on, but how could he say that? Giving an answer like 'No, I like the sound of two guys having sex, it makes me horny', wasn't really the image he wanted to give the other.


"Jihoon?" he started instead.




"Um..." I'm an idiot, "How does it, you know, feel like?"


"What do you mean?" Jihoon asked, taking a step closer all while Taeil backed further away.


"Um, you know, w-with another guy?" Taeil wanted to die.


"Oh! Well, I've never been with a girl so I don't really know the difference," the younger laughed.


"So you've had sex with a guy before?" Taeil asked, desperately wanting the answer to the question.


Jihoon hesitated before answering, "I've been with guys, but I've not gone the whole way."


Taeil nodded, feeling a smile creep up his face Why did he feel happy?


"Oh, I see," he avoided meeting Jihoon's eyes and he felt the other walking even closer to him yet again.


"Why are you asking?" the younger said, quite seriously.


Taeil laughed, "I don't know!" shifting his body uncomfortably, "Hearing them, being drunk, just gets the mind going you know."


Jihoon was suddenly very close, and Taeil knew he needed to get away from the other, "Um, should we go out ag-"


"Do you want to try?"


Jihoon's words, cutting him out mid-sentence, got him staring at the other boy.


When Taeil didn't answer, Jihoon tried again, now laid forward in a whisper, "Do you want me to kiss you?"




"Because I really want to kiss you."


Oh damn.
Taeil didn't felt panic grace his heart, cheeks flushing like crazy. His brain was fuzzy from the alcohol and they were so, so close, noses about to touch.


Jihoon leaned in the last centimeter and gave him a soft kiss, a small peck, before pulling away.


Taeil stared at the blonde boy, that strange feeling he'd had in his stomach before was now overwhelming his whole body, and without thinking he took hold of Jihoon's t-shirt.


"One more time," he whispered and Jihoon looked at him carefully before leaning in once again, kissing the other full on the lips. And this time Taeil kissed back, pulling himself closer to the other.

Chapter Text

Taeil moaned as Jihoon lift him up on the kitchen counter, the taller wasting no time to lick along his neck, nibbling lightly. They kissed each other rather passionate, Jihoon pulling him so close that Taeil had trouble breathing. Without breaking contact, Jihoon's hands eagerly pulled up Taeil's shirt, caressing the smaller's stomach and lower back. Taeil shivered, not used to the feeling, but too turned on to care.


He wasn't thinking, didn't really know what was happening and the moans and groans still coming from the second floor made him go crazy.


"I want you so badly," Jihoon whispered, taking hold of Taeil's arms, lifting them up over his shoulders.


Taeil linked his arms around the younger's neck, as he obviously wanted him to, and let Jihoon buckle up his pants, devouring his mouth once again. He shut his eyes as Jihoon's hand graced his right nipple, the younger breaking the kiss to suck on the older's collarbone, leaving an angry red mark.


The sound of jeans falling to the floor made Taeil open his eyes. Jihoon dark eyes gazed back at him, pulling Taeil's pants down, not breaking eyecontact, hands reaching around to take a full grap of his ass. Taeil inhaled in shock as Jihoon trusted his pelvis against his own, their erections touching for the first time. Both of them let out a strangled moan and Taeil felt himself shaking, not knowing why. Jihoon wasted no time as he went down to kiss Taeil's neck again and let himself enter the smaller's boxers, squeezing Taeil's butt.


It became too much, too private.


"Ji-jihoon.." Taeil stuttered, squirming in Jihoon's strong grip.


Jihoon pulled more at his boxers, bringing a hand in between his cheeks, massaging his butt and thighs.


"Stop... Ji-aah.. S-stop," Taeil tried effortlessly.


Jihoon didn't listen and bit down hard again on his shoulder, as if to mark NO.


Taeil was starting to shake even more as he tried to put his arms down in an attempt to pull his boxers up again, but Jihoon's grip was too strong, too tight.


"S-stop Jihoon!"


Another trust met his hips, bringing their clothed crotches together, Taeil shut his eyes in both pleasure and panic. Jihoon kept on rubbing their abdomens together steadily, breathing hard against his neck.




Taeil pushed the blonde away with as much force he could gather, so hard that Jihoon lost his balance and fell to the floor.


Taeil slided down from the counter, pulling his pants up and let his shaking legs bring him to the floor. He felt disgusting. He heard Jihoon slowly make his way towards him, not daring to look up.


The younger reached a hand to him, touching Taeil's cheek, "S-sorry..."


Taeil slapped the younger's hand away.


"Taeil, don't be mad... I'm sorry, I went-"


"Don't," Taeil whispered, looking up at the other, "Don't say anything,"


He struggled to get up, letting the wall lead him as he left. The world was spinning way too much, and it felt like forever to reach the door. Finally stepping outsite, getting hit by the fresh evening air calmed him, and he sank down on the grass, not far away from the door.


He could hear giggles coming from beside him, "Why are you so tried? Something happened inside?"


It was Kyung,


"The kitchen has windows you know."


Taeil turned to glare at them, "Nothing happened."


"Oh, I think something happened," Jiho smirked, "And you seemed to enjoy it!"


Taeil felt sick. Sick that Jiho and Kyung had seen it, which meant he couldn't deny it. Sick about what had happened, that it went too far, and that he'd enjoyed it. The whole situation, plus the amount of alcohol and the spinning world made him want to throw up. He tried to stand up, but his legs wouldn't let him.


"You came out pretty quickly though," Kyung continued, "No time for sex?"


Jiho and Kyung started laughing and it was a long time ago Taeil had felt this humiliated. He felt like a slut, even though nothing huge had really happened.


"Shut up..."


His legs finally was stable enough to hold up his weight.


"Why did you come out alone?" Jiho wondered, "Did Jihoon faint when he finally got to-"




Jiho and Kyung stared at him.


"Hey, why-"


"I thought you brought me here to make new friends, Jiho," Taeil glared at the younger. "But it was just for Jihoon to get into my pants, wasn't it?"


Jiho looked at him and shook his shoulders, "I don't know."


Taeil rolled his eyes, "I hope you're happy with the fucking result."


"Yah, don't turn me into a bad guy here."


Taeil scoffed and turned to walk away.


"Hey, where are you going?" Kyung walked after him, "You're not seriously angry are you?"


Taeil ignored him and continued walking, craving time to be alone.


After one minute or so, when Kyung or Jiho fnally gave up the questioning and was out of sight, he sank to the ground. He sat in silence, not really thinking about anything, just sitting, staring at the bushes ahead of him.




Jihoon felt the pain as he sat on the kitchen floor quietly, watching Taeil leave. He should go after him, but what he'd done was wrong - so very wrong. He sat there for a while, staring at he floor before he stood up and gulped down a glass of water, refilling it and drink with shaking hands. He really should go after him... even if he fucked everything up.


He walked slowly to the front door, opening it to see if he saw the smaller guy but he saw no one else but Jiho and Kyung still drinking and laughing loudly. He stepped outside, buttoning his pants again.


"Jihoon-ah!" Jiho smirked and came towards him, teasing, "How did it goooo?"


Jihoon looked at him and sighed, shaking his head, and Jiho gave him a confused look.


"What? Did you scare him or something?" Kyung chuckled, "He was pretty bitchy when he came out." Kyung moved closer, nudging his shoulder,"Or, did you not let him come?"


The others giggled, but Jihoon groaned out a silent 'hyung' and kept his face emotionless.


"Where is he?" he asked, voice small.


Jiho eyed him, being more sober than Kyung to kind of get the point.


Jihoon met his friends' eyes, "Where did he go?"


"He went off down the road," Jiho answered.


Jihoon nodded a 'thank you' and took a few steps before Jiho took hold of his arm, looking at him seriously, "What happened?"


Jihoon felt the tears in his eyes as he answered in a whisper, "I think... I nearly raped him."


Jiho stared at him, "What? Of course you didn't! Come on, what happened?"


Jihoon didn't want to answer, he didn't even know what to say. He pushed Jiho off him and ran down the road in hope to find the other.




Taeil shivered as the cold wind swept through him and he hugged his legs close.


Why did I kiss him?

Does this mean something?


Did he like Jihoon? Why had he let the younger boy go as far as he did?


The thought scared him, and the fact that Jihoon had been so strong, taking on the lead without a second thought, scared him even more. Since when did I become so weak? The thing Taeil hated the most was being vulnerable and defenseless, and that was exactly what he had been just now against Jihoon.


What did I expect in coming here, really? he sighed, looking up at the sky.




The weak voice coming from behind surprised him. He jolted, turning around, seeing Jihoon stand awkwardly a few meters behind him.


"C-can I sit down?" the blonde asked and Taeil turned his gaze away from him, nodding


The younger sat down, not too close, beside the other and Taeil could feel himself getting scanned from top to toe of any sign of emotion.


"I'm sorry," Jihoon started, "I... went too far,"


Taeil wanted to say, 'Yes! You nearly fucking raped me!' but he couldn't.
He didn't know why he couldn't - maybe because it was he who literally begged to get kissed again, it was he who allowed Jihoon to go too far.


"Yeah, but don't worry," Taeil said, head down.


It was not the answer Jihoon wanted, Taeil noticed.


The younger shifted in his position, "Don't say that," he said, pulling his hand through his hair, "You got afraid! I clearly noticed and I'm really sorry. I just... you know I like you!" he groaned out loudly.


Taeil jumped a little at the sudden rise of volume, Jihoon got taken aback by his own voice as well, lowering his tone as he continued,


"I know you don't like me, but when you suddenly responded to everything I just... I thought..."


Taeil looked down at the grass again, pulling off some straws, rolling them between his fingers.


Jihoon sighed, "I didn't want to drink alcohol today, because well, I know it makes me too horny for my own good."


"Alcohol makes 90% of all the human population horny," Taeil snorted.


Jihoon let out a laugh, "Yeah but-"


"Don't worry," Taeil continued, "I led you on so..."


They fell into silence once again.


Taeil was so confused with himself. He got so scared before and still felt disgusting, but at the same time he felt that recent wierd warm feeling inside his body. The alcohol rush seemed pretty much gone, since the whole stupid situation had cleared up his head.


But the feeling he'd felt with Jihoon pressed so close had felt... good. His body had been warm, and if you didn't count the force he'd had from being too eager, Jihoon had actually been quite a good kisser. But then again, Jihoon was a guy, and trying out a new thing, just for one time, made nearly everyone excited.






"Do you hate me?"


The question caught Taeil off gard, and he looked up at the miserable boy.


"No," he said, watching him carefully.


"But you don't like me, right?" Jihoon continued.


Taeil saw the tears that was about to fall from Jihoon's eyes.


Fuck, don't show me that face...


The guilt was back, forming in his stomach, and he cursed at it. This had just been a one-time drunken fun thing, nothing special, nothing meaningful. Still, this had meant something to Jihoon. The reason for the guilt, he'd hurt someone, and being hurt, when you'd been so happy, was the worst thing in the world.
He didn't know what kind of answer he could give,


"I... I don't know," he finally said.


Jihoon nodded, "I just hope you'll forgive me," he stood up, "Come on, let's go inside. It's starting to get cold and I think things have calmed down at the house."


Taeil wanted to stay more by himself, but gave in, taking hold of Jihoon's hand helping him get up. They started to walk back to the house in silence, the road much longer than Taeil had remembered. When the house finally was in sight, Jihoon stopped.


"Can... um, can't I-," he trailed off, biting his lip, "Can I just hug you once?"


Taeil looked at him.


Jihoon gave him a pleading look, "Please?"


"O-ok," Taeil answered hesitantly, and Jihoon walked up to him carefully, leaning down to embrace him. There it was, the warmth and strong embrace once again. It was as if he was afraid to let go, as if this was a 'goodbye'. Taeil slowly linked his arms around the younger's lower back and closed his eyes, letting him get hugged.


Why am I feeling like this?

Chapter Text

When they reached Yukwon's house again, Jiho and Kyung had gone inside to sit down on the big couch by the tv, doing nothing in paticular.


"Good, you found him," Jiho said to the younger once they got inside the house.


Jihoon nodded, looking at Taeil, who looked at the floor, slightly embarrassed.


"Wanna have another beer?" Jiho asked, making room for them to sit.


"No," Jihoon answered, "I think we're both going to bed."
Getting sleep was the first priority right now.


They left the others and walked up to the second floor. The house was really cosy and even though the walls were of bright cold colors, the furnitures and family photos gave it a warm feeling. Taeil really liked it.


"Um, where do you want to sleep?" Jihoon asked, "Obviously Minhyuk is in Yukwon's room and Jiho and Kyung usually sleeps on the couch they sat on now."


"Hm, I don't know." Taeil looked around, "What's left?"


"Well, since his parents are away, Yukwon said we could sleep in his parents room. And his brother has moved away, so that room is avalible too."


Taeil thought about it, so it's either a shared double bed or a single in the brother's room then. For some reason his body screamed for comfort, and not just any comfort, but Jihoon's embrace. On the other hand, if he said he'll sleep in the parents room, wasn't that like saying he liked Jihoon? Which he didn't?


"Um," Jihoon cleared his throat, "Of course we'll sleep separately. So don't be scared and just choose what's more comfortable."


Taeil wanted to slap himself in the face. Yes... of course. "Doesn't really matter."


Jihoon smiled, "Then you can take his parents bed, it's a king size."


Taeil nodded, "Ok, I'll just go get my things."


Just as he turned around, he saw Jiho coming up the stairs with a passed out Kyung on his back.


"Eh, hehe, sorry guys," Jiho struggled to speak, "but he just threw up downstairs and I think it would be best if he laid down in a real bed."


"W-what do you mean?" Jihoon stuttered.


Jiho sighed, "I mean that I'll put him in Yukwon's brother's bed and I'll sleep on the floor beside him, since it's already a mattress in there, to keep an eye o him," he growled, "You guys can take the parents bed can't you?"




Taeil stared at Jiho, then at the groaning Kyung, and then back at Jihoon who looked just as stunned as he himself was.


Jiho rolled his eyes, "Come on guys, sharing a bed has nothing to do with having feelings for each other."


"We know!" Jihoon splurted out.


"Then do as I say. Open up the goddamned room,"


Jihoon did as he was told and left Taeil standing there, watching the two helping Kyung to the bed. A hundered thoughts were invading Taeil's mind, pictures of him and Jihoon cuddling, kissing, a naked Jihoon, sex, sex, sex...


AARGH!! He shook his head violently.


Fucking calm down, Lee Taeil. Your body wants attention, because it's been without it for too long, but the rest of you don't want this. You're going to sleep next to him, not with him.


He took a deep breath and went to look through the doorstep of Yukwon's brother's bedroom. Jiho was in the middle of undressing Kyung, with much difficulty since Kyung was a giggling mess. Jiho was swearing loudly as he finally got the t-shirt off and pulled down the jeans with much more ease.


Jihoon placed the small garbage bin beside the bed and patted Kyung's head, "Goodnight hyung."


Kyung smiled at him, eyes closed, "Baby Jihoon~ Let's take another shot!"


Jiho snorted, "You're not fucking drinking anything again for the next upcoming months."


Kyung pouted and groaned loudly, "Everything's spinning."


"Oh really?" Jiho said sarcastically, "Thanks Jihoon, you can go now. I need to go down and clean up the mess."


"You want any help?"


"Nah, it's ok. I'm kind of used to it."


Taeil couldn't help but feel bad for Jiho. Cleaning up puke was and will always be the worst thing ever, along with being in public bathrooms.


Jihoon nodded and walked over to Taeil, "Let's go then."


Taeil agreed nervously and let Jihoon guide him to the parents room. When they opened the door, Taeil smiled at the styling. With blueish gray wallpapers and dark brown furnitures, along with the big black bed, bedded with navy blue sheets. He really appreciated this family's taste in furnishings.


"Nice room isn't it?" Jihoon said, smiling as he saw Taeil's face.


"Yeah," Taeil smiled back and went to sit down on the bed.


"They have spare toothbrushes if you want to borrow?" Jihoon continued, "We all kind of have a habit to forget things like that, so all of our families keeps a few spares for us to use."


"That would be nice, yeah. I'll go and get ready then."


Inside the bathroom, Taeil tried to calm himself down as much as possible, washing his face with cold water several times to 'wake up'. Please alcohol, go away as much as possible so I can think normally. He stared at his reflection, taking a deep breath before he went back to the bedroom.


Jihoon was sitting on his bed, playing with his phone when Taeil entered.


"I'm done," Taeil said.


"Great," the other smiled, putting his phone on the bedside table, "Me too, I went to the other toilet."


Taeil gave him a nervous smile, and walked to the bed.


"Um, Taeil?" Jihoon started, uncertain, looking at him, "If you really don't want to sleep next to me, I can sleep on the fl-"


"It's ok, don't worry about everything all the time."


Jihoon sent him a look, before he giggled, "Sorry!"


Taeil sat down, debating over to keep his jeans on or take them off, since it was greatly uncomfortable to sleep with them on.


Jihoon kind of answered his question, "Ehm, if it's ok for you, can I take off some of my clothes?" the younger asked, "I usually sleep only in my boxers since well.. it's warm."


Taeil nodded, he did that too, "Sure, I'm going to take off my jeans too I guess."


Jihoon giggled, but stopped when Taeil sent him a judging look.




They turned around from each other, getting undressed. Taeil decided to keep his t-shirt on, part because he felt embarrassed, and partly to keep it save and innocent. He sighed as he turned around to see Jihoon sporting only boxers and a black tank top, face grinning up at him.






Taeil shot his gaze down to the floor, feeling his cheeks burn. Although Jihoon wasn't the fittest person Taeil had seen, the younger's body was still attractive. The way the black tank top hugged his broad chest, contrasting his pale skin and blonde hair made Taeil's body shiver. At least Taeil's t-shirt was long and big enough to cover him down middle thigh, not liking to show his body.


He avoided looking at Jihoon as he went down into the bed, pulling the blanket up to his neck. Jihoon soon followed him, sighing lovely as he the soft mattress caressed his back.


"Ah, I really love this bed. It's the best!"


Taeil agreed awkwardly.


"Goodnight then," Jihoon said, pulling at the blanket to get some of it too, making Taeil shudder at how close they were.


"Goodnight," he answered and turned around, back against Jihoon as the younger turned off the bedstand light.


Even though he was laying beside Jihoon, his fatigue took over pretty quickly and he felt himself being dragged to sleep.






Taeil turned around to see Woohyun.


"Long time no see,"


Long time? It was years! His long lost best friend, was now standing in front of him once again.


"How are you? Still going around being useless?" Woohyun smirked.


Taeil gave his friend a questioned look, "What?"


"You've always been useless haven't you? You've got the worst grades, you've never had a proper girlfriend, you work at shitty places and your family hates you. Worthless!"




"But you know that already, don't you? You're never going to have a good life, since you can't do anything. You can't feel anything."


His friend stepped closer, and continued,


"Remember when you came to me, crying, complaining that your father hated you for being useless and you mother was so disappointed for giving birth to a son who wasn't able to do anything, except partying and destroying the Lee family's reputation. You were so ugly when you cried helplessly beside me! Haha, it was so pathetic!"




"I have everything now. I started having everything when I left you. You're like a grudge, nothing good comes out of you Taeil, and you know it. Useless and ugly, no one would give a damn if you died."


Taeil cried, the pain in his chest unbearable, as Woohyun's face finally faded away.




His father was holding him tightly against the wall.


"Did your mother and I raise you to become nothing? You're useless! Nothing to be proud of!"


- Slap! -


"You're a disgrace for our family! Useless son!"


- Slap -


"Going around drinking and going to bed with slutty women! Disgusting!"


- Slap -




Taeil heard his mother scream, his little brother crying, but his father kept on hitting him.


"I'm sorry!" Taeil screamed, begging for his father to stop.


- Slap -






"STOP!! I'm sorry!!"




Taeil woke up with a jolt, inhaling sharply, grabbing the sheets, heart in his throat.
His eyes were met by darkness, It was a dream...
He buried his face in his hands, feeling the tears soaking his hands, body tinted with cold sweat.




Taeil turned around, having totally forgotten where he was, and was met by the concerned and scared eyes belonging Jihoon.


"Are... are you ok?" the younger whispered.


Taeil looked at the other, feeling new warm tears spill from his eyes. Seeing Jihoon in front of him calmed him, and he let out a pained groan before laying down, hugging his pillow tight, tears spilling on the newly washed sheets.


Jihoon watched the small boy, a total different boy than what he'd seen before. What are you hiding inside of you? Slowly he lowered himself into laying position as well, looking at the older doing his best to hide his crying face.


Taeil was shaking, and Jihoon took a deep breath before scooting closer. He gently moved to pull away the pillow Taeil's face was buried in, and the elder froze as he let the younger pull him into an embrace.


For a few seconds Taeil laid there in shock, stiff as a rock, before the warmth surrounded him and Jihoon whispered "Relax, it's ok."


His heart took an extra beat before he lost it, clinging onto Jihoon's tanktop tightly, letting his pain out in pained groans and cries. Jihoon was holding him tightly, pulling up the covers to cover them, giving them warmth, giving Taeil more soothing surroundings, as he let Taeil cry himself dry.


"What have you gone through?" Jihoon asked quietly, voice shaking, as he caressed his head.


And Taeil only cried more, hugging the younger closer.

Chapter Text

- ♥ -


Taeil woke up feeling his hair being played with, slow caressing fingers moving against his cheek, and a warm body holding him close. He winced, looking up to find the blonde boy smile down at him,


"Do you feel better?" the younger asked.


Taeil nodded, inhaling deeply, he must've fallen asleep. "I'm sorry..."


"Don't say sorry, please." Jihoon pleaded, his moving his hand down to hug the older closer, "I was hoping you'd sleep longer though. You only slept for 20 minutes."


Taeil avoided the other's eyes, focusing on the youngers chest in front of him. He wanted to move away from Jihoon's body, but the comfort it brought him made him waver, "What time is it?" he mumbled instead against Jihoon's warm chest.


"Around four I guess," Jihoon answered, "So try and sleep some more."


Taeil didn't want to sleep, knowing full well the dream most probably would come back again.


"Don't worry, I'm right here!" the younger chuckled, "You know, if you dream again."


Taeil snorted, smiling up to the other, "How would you be able to protect me?"


Jihoon's raised an eyebrow, "I'm more capable than you think,"


Taeil let out a laugh, "You're crazy,"



They fell into a comfortable silence for a few mintues, Taeil enjoying the warmth from another person for the first time in a while,


The younger shifted slightly, "Hm?"


"Thank you."


"No need, I'm glad I could calm you down."


Taeil smiled again. Jihoon didn't ask unnecessary questions, nor did he make fun of him. Taeil sighed and closed his eyes, taking in the smell of the other boy. He liked the scent that was Jihoon, it was sweet but still.. sporty?, like sweet citrus fruits with a tint of vanilla.


He felt Jihoon starting to play with his hair again, slowly bringing his hand down to gently massage his neck. It was soothing.


"I like your hair," Jihoon whispered.


Taeil snorted, "That's something you say to a girl."


"I know, but I do," Jihoon smiled, "It's so fluffy."


"Fluffy?" Taeil laughed now, "You're so cute."


Taeil froze, realizing what he'd just said. Jihoon's hand had stopped moving as well.


"You think I'm cute?" Jihoon broke the silence.


Taeil cursed in his head, "Um..."


"Hmmm?," Jihoon teased and touched the smaller's chin, turning his face up, facing him "At least I think you're cute."


Taeil met the younger boy's eyes and Jihoon smiled, "Very cute. Ever since the beginning."


Taeil swallowed, it felt like his whole body was beating along with his racing heart. Jihoon was so close, and he was getting even closer. Before Taeil had time to react Jihoon kissed him, soft and uncertain, totally different from before.


Jihoon broke the kiss, leaning in to place another quick peck before pulling away, resting his forehead against the other. Taeil untangled his arms, reaching up to touch Jihoon's cheeks. They looked at each other quietly before Taeil inhaled and gave Jihoon a kiss back.


The kiss didn't last long, and Taeil felt his face flush after he pulled back. Jihoon looked at him with an expression Taeil couldn't read. He continued to trace the lines of the younger's face with his fingers, 'He really is cute. Or maybe not.. cute? Handsome', Taeil smiled to himself.


Jihoon raised an eyebrow, "What?"


Taeil shook his head, wrapping his arms around Jihoon's neck, "Nothing,"


Jihoon sighed lovingly and wrapped his arm around Taeil's waist, pulling him as close as possible.


"I..." he started, but cut himself off.


Taeil looked at him, "Hm?"


Jihoon closed his eyes, frowning, as if thinking about something hard. Two seconds went by before he opened his eyes and rolled on top of Taeil, straddling him.


Taeil yelped, "Wha-"


His words were drowned into Jihoon's mouth, his large body pressing him down. This kiss was much harder and confident, and Taeil shivered, tightening his embrace around the younger's neck.


Taeil moaned as Jihoon licked his lower lip, asking for permission to enter, which Taeil answered to without hesitation, opening his mouth, feeling the younger's tongue slide in against his own. Both of them moaned as their tongues met, the kiss getting deeper and Taeil grabbed fistfulls of Jihoon's hair to keep himself steady.


The blonde started to move his body, slightly rocking back and forth, and Taeil could feel the hardness between Jihoon's legs. Chills went through his body, and the very familiar feeling of arousal shot through his body like a burning fire. The kiss getting more than passionate and he groaned when Jihoon pulled away to breathe, only to move down, planting sweet kisses down his neck.


"Jihoon..." Taeil tried weakly when the younger reached his collarbone, sucking on it gently.


The feeling was beginning to get too much for Taeil, but instead of running away, he wanted more. He struggled to push Jihoon up, only so he could pull his legs out, making Jihoon lower his body in between them instead. Jihoon pressed his pelvis against Taeil's, and groans tinted the air, Jihoon moving his hips, grinding against the smaller boy.




Taeil dug his nails into Jihoon's shoulders and the younger hissed, striked by the sudden pain. Taeil was half hard, steadily getting harder every second that went by. Jihoon pulled him in for another kiss, sliding his hand inside Taeil's t-shirt, touching him up over his small body. Taeil shuddered, and started to pull at Jihoon's tank top, revealing the younger's naked skin.


The broad chest, the cute stomach, the hard nipples - the sight did wonders to Taeil's lower region as he felt his cock twitch. The groan Jihoon let out when Taeil caressed his chest made Taeil fuzzy, moaning in awe.


Jihoon sat up and pulled his tank top off completely, then reached to pull Taeil up against him, dragging the smaller up to sit straddling his lap. He placed a gentle kiss against Taeil's mouth, before taking off the other's big t-shirt as well.


Both of them stopped for a second to look at each other's naked torsos.


"Wow..." Jihoon sighed, hands caressing Taeil's body with one slow stroke, neck to hip.


Taeil blushed as Jihoon's admiring eyes scanned over his body, feeling more exposed than ever, considering no girl had ever looked at him this way. Most of them had usually made a face, complaining about his thin frame, for not having enough muscles. Jihoon though, seemed to appreciate his smaller figure, and traced his fingers over his ribs that were nearly visible under his light skin.


He let Jihoon touch him and focused on touching Jihoon too. He poked at the younger's stomach, making Jihoon giggle, and Taeil smiled, able to relax a little bit more. His hands found their way up, stroking the younger's chest, up to his collabones and bent forward to place a kiss on Jihoon's forehead.


Jihoon smiled and pulled them into a hug. The feeling of skin to skin sent another chill through Taeil's body and he angled his head to give Jihoon another kiss, much to the younger's delight.


The position on top of Jihoon, brushing against the other's hard bulge with every move made it very hard to focus, turning both of them shaky an breathy. The kisses were deep and tongues were everywhere, licking down throats and jawlines, up to flushed earlobes. He'd never felt this overwhelmed by making out with anyone before.


Taeil scooted closed to the other, and grinded his clothed erection down hard against Jihoon's, making the younger moan out into Taeil's mouth, biting his lower lip gently, trying to cover his moans. Jihoon reacted exactly how he wanted, and Taeil was getting way too horny.


"M-maybe we can..." he started, trying to get the words out.


Jihoon looked up at him, tracing his hand from Taeil's nipple down to his visible bulge.


"Do something about these?" he finished for him, looking at Taeil with dark eyes.


Taeil swallowed, 'Oh fuck,' "Yes,"


When finally given permission, Jihoon palmed Taeil's cock through the thin layer of underwear, keeping eyecontact as he gave it a squeeze.


"Mnnn!" Taeil brought his hand up to cover his mouth.


"Fuck Taeil..." Jihoon groaned, and pressed Taeil's upper body closer with his other hand, leaning forward to lick on the older's left nipple.


Taeil mewled, head resting on Jihoon's. He looked down and saw the big tent formed between Jihoon's thighs. 'He look fucking huge', he swallowed and guided a shaky hand towards it, finally touching the warm bulge. He let out the breathe he'd been holding and burrowed his head at the hem of Jihoon's neck, biting down on the warm skin.




Taeil sat up straight, "S-sorry! Did it hurt?"


Jihoon's face was painted pink, eyes staring at him in surprise, "How the fuck did you know my sweet spot is right there?" he breathed out, giving Taeil's cock another squeeze before starting to pump it slowly, making Taeil let out an embarrassly loud moan.


"Please Taeil, touch me," he begged, mouthing a kiss against the older's chin.


Taeil smirked, feeling proud of finding Jihoon's sweet spot without having to ask for it, and did as he was told. Looking down again, he saw the damp form of Jihoon's cock once again. He was leaking, the wet form surrounding the head of his cock couldn't be missed and Taeil licked his lips.


"Shit..." he whispered.


Jihoon looked at him with flushed cheeks, and held his breath as Taeil once again touched his erection. Jihoon shuddered at the sensation and groaned against Taeil's chest, placing kisses on his upper body.


Taeil took the opportunity to sneak his hand down into Jihoon's boxers, and out of pure curiosity he pulled the younger's cock out. The sight made him blush and he let out a shaky breath.


"You're huge."


Jihoon seemed embarrassed, and shook his head slightly, bringing his head up to kiss the smaller boy again. Taeil swallowed and started to stroke Jihoon's long shaft. Jihoon also then sneaked his own hand down Taeil's boxers, touching his naked cock gently, sliding his thumb up against the tip, feeling warm precum forming.


Both of them groaned into the kiss, jerking each other off with slow motions. Taeil felt himself getting close to release already, and swore at himself, doing his best to hold it. He sighed and leaned back to lie down, taking Jihoon with him in the change of position, making him lie on top of him once again.


As Taeil's back hit the sheets, Jihoon pulled both of their underwear away, still kissing Taeil's neck. The older reached behind Jihoon to pull the covers up, feeling embarrassed over the sudden exposion.


Jihoon breathed against his neck as he caressed the smaller's thighs and hips. Taeil moaned and leaned into the touch as well, reaching in between them to touch Jihoon's leaking cock, continuing where they left.




Taeil shivered at Jihoon's husky voice, "Y-yeah?"


Jihoon took Taeil's hard cock in his palm again and gave if a few steady strokes, making Taeil bury his face against Jihoon's shoulder.


"I'm so, so close." Jihoon moaned, stroking Taeil faster.


Taeil body started to shake slightly, "M-me too,"


They kissed again, tongues sliding against each other as they picked up the pace. The strokes were hard and went faster and faster by every second. Jihoon was panting heavily into Taeil's mouth, before suddenly breaking the kiss, turning his face away and groaned out loudly as he came, semen spilling all over Taeil's hand and down onto his stomach.


"Fuck-" Taeil cursed, overwhelmed by the situation, stimulation getting too much and with a long moan he let go as he came as well, semen mixing with Jihoon's on his stomach and down Jihoon's long fingers.


Both laid there, panting against each other, bodies heavy from the release.


"A-amazing..." Jihoon whispered and rolled to the side, hugging Taeil against him.


Taeil let out a fragile whimper, too busy catching his breath as he looked up at Jihoon's beautiful flustered face. The younger smiled down at him, and Taeil wasted no time as he reached up to kiss him. The air was hot and Jihoon kissed him back sweetly, holding him around his waist.


Taeil pulled back, "So, is there a towel or anything in here?"


Jihoon laughed, "Yes, wait a minute."


Taeil giggled and watched the younger walk up from the bed. Seeing his full naked body created a funny feeling in his chest. 'I can't believe we just did that', he thought to himself, 'and I actually enjoyed it'.


He looked down at his spent cock and the mixed semen decorating his stomach, 'I really do like this kid, don't I?' he sighed to himself and smiled when Jihoon returned with two small towels.

Chapter Text

Kyung woke up, feeling like his body had been run over by train, later to be thrown into war. He groaned as he felt his stomach contract viciously, "And this is why I should never mix vodka with soju," he muttered to himself, doing his best to sit up, scratching his eyes.


"Sorry Jiho-ah," he bowed when he saw his best friend, still sound asleep on a mattress placed on the floor.


Even though Kyung was out partying a lot, he had yet to learn his limits, much to his friends dismay. And when he enyojed himself, getting drunk enough to numb away any taste, he usually grabbed and drank everything he could get his hands on. Which in yesterday's case led to mixing the last vodka with the last soju.


Jiho tended to always be the one left to take care of him, since he, at least, had learned his limit ages ago and was already half sober by the time Kyung started to get out of control. Kyung sighed and stood up, craving the bathroom, but his head was still spinning and he found himself face down on top of Jiho's sleeping body within a second.


"For fuck sake Kyung!" Jiho groaned and tried his best to push the laughing friend off of him.


"I'm sorry!" Kyung apologized, bowing his head once again.


"It fucking hurt, I think you broke one of my ribs you bastard," Jiho took the opportunity to smack him on the forehead, "You're not that much of a light weighter."



Down the hall in Yukwon's parents room, Jihoon was awoken by the loud laughing that was Park Kyung. He was about to scream out insults before his brain registered the warm body pressed against him. He smiled to himself as he looked down at the still sleeping boy, mouth slightly open, breaths heavy.


The fact that he still felt the smaller's naked body against his own confirmed that yesterday hadn't been a dream, and Jihoon blushed at the memory of the beautiful older male laying underneath him, looking up at him in a way Jihoon never would forget.


Still, the agonizing feeling of nervousness and insecurity was building up inside of him. What if Taeil was angry? Did they take it too far, too fast? If Taeil got a similar reaction like last time, saying he nearly raped him, Jihoon would break. What they'd done now was much more than what happened in the kitchen.




Jihoon looked down as Taeil shifted in his embrace, yawning sweetly. He was afraid to speak, afraid to startle the older, and waited patiently until Taeil opened his eyes groggily. His eyes met Jihoon and he smiled,


"Good morning,"


A feeling of relief went through Jihoon's veins, "Good morning," he smiled back, "Did you sleep well?"


Taeil nodded, he hadn't slept this well in ages, but he would never actually say that. The feeling of being protected made him calm, and who didn't like spooning? Seriously.


Taeil looked up at Jihoon, "Please don't look at me like that."


Jihoon laughed, "Haha, I'm sorry. What look am I giving you exactly?"


"It's just embarrassing," Taeil pushed him, "Have you been awake for long?"


Jihoon shook his head, "Just woke up, Kyung was laughing like a maniac for some reason, so."


"Yeah, I heard it too. What time is it?"


"Um," Jihoon sat up to look at the clock placed on the wall, "Soon eleven."


Taeil pulled himself up as well, stretching his back, covering himself with the duvet, not wanting to show his body in broad daylight. Jihoon moved on the bed to sit behind him, pulling him into a hug.


"Why are you always hiding yourself?" he whispered against his neck, "You don't need to."


Taeil shrugged, "I've never really liked my body... or myself,"


Jihoon hugged him closer, "I wish you could see that nothing's wrong with you."


Taeil laughed half-heartedly, "I don't mind hating myself."


Even though Taeil couldn't see the other boy, he could nearly feel him pouting, before he felt lips placing a kiss on his shoulder. A chill went through his body.


"I'll make you see how beautiful you are," Jihoon said quietly.


Taeil didn't answer, embracing Jihoon's arms surrounding him. They fell into a comfortable silence, before Jihoon turned Taeil around, "Can I kiss you?"


Taeil felt his face flush slightly and didn't get to answer before Jihoon pulled him into a sweet morning kiss. Taeil smiled against the blonde's lips.



One hour later, everyone had gathered in the kitchen, making themselves some breakfast. They had pulled out everything they could find in the refrigerator, since everyone was starving, craving food to cure the hungover. They'd pulled out left overs of bibimbap and galbi, also rice, kimchi, bread and even bananas. It wasn't the best mix of everything, but no one cared.


"Yah! Don't take all the kimchi!" Jiho complained and slapped Minhyuk's hand away.


Minhyuk cursed at him, "I helped his mom make this you fucker, I deserve to take everything!"


Jiho rolled his eyes, "Fuck you,"


"Don't fight," Yukwon groaned from his chair. He was in the middle of massaging his temples, hoping to get the stubborn headache away.


Kyung smirked at him, "Rough night Kwonnie?"


"If I was able to move without my head blowing up, I would strangle you Park Kyung," Yukwon muttered, glaring at the grinning boy.


Taeil sat quietly in a chair at the corner of the table, smiling at the bickering friends, munching on his food. Jihoon sat beside him watching his every move with loving eyes, offering him the best bites from all the different dishes. It was cute, like a mother making sure her precious son was eating well.


The two of them didn't notice the look Jiho was giving them from across the table, Kyung though, did noticed and leaned to the side, whispering in his friends ear;


"What are you looking at?"


"Haven't you noticed something about those two?" Jiho whispered back, nodding his head in Taeil and Jihoon's direction.


Kyung looked at them and raised an eyebrow. Jihoon was literally shining while looking at the smaller boy, giggling at whatever he said.


"Um, he's still madly in love with Taeil?"


Jiho snorted, giving Kyung a look, "Well, of course. But don't you see anything different about that Taeil boy?"


Kyung looked at the couple again, but turned back soon again, "Um..."


Jiho pinched the other's arm, "You've always been so damn thick. Can't you see?! Taeil is smiling back at him!"


Kyung pouted as he massaged his abused arm, "So what? He smiled at Jihoon yesterday too."


"Not like this, Kyung. It's different," Jiho's smirk grew larger, "I think we made it," he snickered.


Kyung took a big bite of his banana & rice sandwich, "Made what?"


Jiho leaned in closer, "Made them into a couple~!" he sang out in triumph.


Kyung laughed, "We officially named that plan mission impossible you know,"


"I know! But in the movies, that guy made it everytime riiiight?" Jiho gave him a wink.


"Of course he did, it's a movie," Kyung deadpanned, continuing to gulp down his food.


Jiho sighed in defeat, "I will never have fun about things like this with you, because you just never understand."


"What do you mean I never understand?"


Jiho shrugged, "A thing called 'being in love'?"


Kyung rolled his eyes.


Jiho glared at him, "I'll prove it to you."


"Try me," Kyung said without much enthusiasm.


Jiho smirked and cleared his throat to speak up, "So, how many times did Minhyuk fuck you yesterday, Yukwon?"


Minhyuk shot a deadly glare at Jiho, and Yukwon sighed, "Shut up Jiho."


Jiho laughed, "Isn't that why you're so moody? Minhyuk-ah, you should be more careful with him."


"I take good care of my boyfriend, thank you very much," Minhyuk said as he still glared at him.


"You were about to have sex in front of us yesterday," Kyung pointed out, "Does that ring any bells?"


Yukwon gaped at him, "W-wha..", he groaned as he turned to slap his boyfriend's arm, "Stop taking advantage of me when I'm drunk!"


Minhyuk gave him an innocent smile, "Sorry babe, you know you're cute when you're drunk,"


"That shouldn't be a reason," he spat back.


"And you were pretty loud upstairs," Kyung continued, enjoying the situation.


"Of course, Kwonnie is a screamer," Minhyuk said out proudly.


Yukwon glared at him, "Who's side are you on exactly?!"


Minhyuk laughed, "Sorry babe," placing a kiss on his boyfriend's cheek. Yukwon huffed, but gave him a small smile after the kiss, leaning forward to place a small peck on Minhyuk's lips.


Jiho patted his fingers against the counter, knowing exactly what to say next, "Jihoon-ah,"


Jihoon looked at his hyung, "What?"


"When I was about to fall asleep I heard a few things from your shared room as well," he started, noticing the slight flicker of panic that was forming in the younger's eyes.


Everyone's attention had turned to Taeil and Jihoon, and Jiho continued with a teasing tone, "Sounded like you were enjoying yourselves just as much as our old couple here."


Taeil's eyes shot up in shock and Jihoon stood up, hands moving up in some gesture of defence,


"W-what?! We were.. we were just sleeping!"


The rest of the boys around the table stared at them with big eyes, and Jiho nudged Kyung's shoulder, giving him a meaningful look of 'I told you so'.


"What?" Minhyuk exclaimed, "Did you have sex?"


"NO!" Jihoon nearly screamed, and Taeil wanted to sink through the floor, never to be found again.


Kyung laughed, "Oh my god, you really did it didn't you?"


"I said no!" Jihoon tried desperately.


It was all in vain after Jiho dropped the bomb. The only one who wasn't laughing was Yukwon, and Taeil felt his eyes on him, afraid to meet his gaze. The feeling of disgust started to build up inside of him and all he felt was pure shame. The shame slowly turning to anger as he heard Jihoon's desperate please and denies, trying to keep what happened a secret, unknowingly making it even more obvious.


Fucking idiots every single one of them, he thought to himself, Why should they give a fuck?! The pressure of regret grew stronger, strangling his chest, Why would I have sex with him?! Fucking perverted assholes."


Something wet landed on this hand, Wha..? He was crying. Of course he was crying, like the stupid fragile boy he was. He hastly dried his eyes with the palm of his hand, before standing up, leaving the kitchen, taking no notice of the laughter that died out as soon as left the table.


"T-taeil..?" Jihoon said before he shot everyone a dirty look and ran after.


Yukwon raised from his chair, "Good job, Jiho," he sighed, "Fucking brilliant everyone," he cursed and left to room as well.


Taeil was marching up the staircase, determined to leave this house right this second and never associate with any of these people again. Just as he was about to grab his backpack in the room they'd slept in, Jihoon finally caught up, and told hold of his arm.


"Hey, what are-"


"I'm leaving," Taeil said shortly.


Jihoon looked at him, "Why? I-I know what Jiho said was wrong bu-"


"It's not about that,"


Jihoon frowned, and opened his mouth to say something, but chosed to close it again.


Taeil sighed, "Can't you see that all of them take this as a joke? We're a joke, I am a joke."


Jihoon stepped closer, "What do you-"


"Everything is a joke, Jihoon!" Taeil raised his voice, "I've finally understood that you all made me come here, just to make the others prove that in- in some way you would be able to get me, to fuck me, even though I resisted you!"


Jihoon looked at him with a serious expression.


"Feelings, complicated humans, sex, they don't mean anything to you all do they?" Taeil continued, breath ragged, "But they do to me, Jihoon! You don't know how fucking difficult it was for me to stay strong during this trip! How it took all of my damn strength to finally have the courage to touch you! And they are just making a joke out of it, laughing right at my stupid face!"


"It's not like that!" Jihoon said desperately, trying to take his hand, only to get it slapped away by the older.


"I'm a joke to you as well, aren't I? You don't fucking care! Why would anyone ever care? It was pretty easy to get down into my pants, wasn't it? Too bad you didn't get to fuck me!" he spit out the words as if it was poison.


"No! Taeil I-" Jihoon was trying to raise his voice.


"Shut up..."


"No! Listen to me!" Jihoon grabbed the smaller's shoulders, "You are not a joke, and I care!"


Taeil pushed him away, "I'm going home,"


"Please listen to me!" Jihoon's voice was shaking, "Please Taeil, believe me! My friends may be stupid sometimes but it was, it is, real to me!"


"Bullshit," Taeil rolled his eyes, "I'm just a toy to you, admit it. A toy to just play around with, easy to throw away. When it's no fun anymore you just go for another one. I know people like you, and I'm sick of them."


"You've never been-"


"Don't even try!" Taeil screamed, "I'm leaving! And I hope I'll never get to see anyone of you ever again!"


Taeil made it for the door, but Jihoon caught him, hugging him from behind, holding him with strong arms.


"Get off!"


Jihoon sat down on the floor, pulling Taeil down with him, "I'm never letting you go... ever."


Taeil laughed, "And I should believe that? Stop with that cheesy bullsh-"


"You will believe it," Jihoon stated quietly, voice breaking and Taeil felt tears spilling against his neck, rolling down over his collarbones. "I promise I'm not like everybody else, Taeil. I would never hurt you, please..."


Taeil took a deep breath, inhaling slowly, "I will never believe those words again."


Jihoon hugged Taeil's stiff body closer, "I don't want to become one of those who hurt you, I don't want to see you suffer like this. I don't even know the reasons, but you seem so... broken. I-I want to... I just want you to find yourself. I want to see you happy."


Taeil felt new tears spilling from his own eyes. He wanted to believe the words, but something inside him told him otherwise, accused him of being stupid. Stupid for believing this could work, stupid for everything that had happened in the past.


"When did you lose yourself, Taeil?" Jihoon whispered into his neck, "Can't you let me try to understand you?"


Taeil felt himself break, he'd never let anyone inside his space for these past years. He had shut himself inside total darkness, terrified to let anyone in, terrified to let anyone get to know the real, forgotten, Lee Taeil. He knew it wasn't healthy to keep on hiding from himself, it always ended up in a madhouse or turned into a suicide mission. Would Jihoon even want to know everything? Probably not. But the younger boy crying against his shoulder, the boy that had made his heart flutter, all because of him, made him want to share his story. He'd let him kiss him, he'd let him enter his personal space, and Jihoon had seemed so happy.


"Please, Taeil," Jihoon tried once again and took a deep breath, trying to keep himself calm, "Believe me."


Taeil's heart had already decided that yes, he should believe him. But the brain kept on repeating the agonizing memories of constant letdowns.


"He's not lying,"


A new voice suddenly speaking made both Taeil and Jihoon look up.


"Believe in him, Taeil," It was Yukwon, looking at both of them with a serious, but understanding expression, "He hasn't been joking around with you. He would never hurt you knowingly, I can promise that."

Chapter Text

Jiho looked after Yukwon in surprise. It was painfully quiet in the kitchen after the three boys had left, mood undoubtedly gotten switched down to zero.


Jiho groaned, "What did I do wrong?!"


Minhyuk sighed, "Well, surprisingly enough, what you said about Jihoonie and Taeil seemed to be true,"


"Of course it's true! That's why I said it!"


"Then don't you understand that maaaybe they didn't want all of us to know?"


"Why should that matter?" Jiho spat, defending himself.


Minhyuk shrugged, "I don't know, I won't bother."


"Taeil seemed angry though," Kyung cut in, "and Jihoon got full blown panicky."


"Still don't see why it would matter," Jiho muttered and filled his mouth with the last of his share of bibimbap.


Kyung and Minhyuk looked at him, before sharing a look and turned to finish their food as well. Minhyuk felt guilty, he had been laughing along the others before his boyfriend suddenly stood up against them, putting him in place to realize the situation. Now he was only left with thoughts about how he himself had been feeling before he had accepted everything. That was pretty much what Taeil was trying to do right now, building up acceptance and he had just laughed at him. When he heard the raised voices from upstairs, the guilt grew even stronger.


He looked at the other two and saw them doing their best to hear what was said from upstairs. Minhyuk silently cursed at Yukwon's parents for having such good isolation overall in the whole house, all because Yukwon had a habit of dancing to loud music during the late hours. They sat there in silence for a good time, before they heard footsteps and Jihoon appeared in the doorway.


"Hyung," he said, slighty breathy, and looked at Jiho, "Can I talk to you?"


"Um, sure..." Jiho answered.


"What happened?" Kyung asked, seeing the younger's slightly red and puffy eyes.


Jihoon ignored the other, keeping his gaze locked at Jiho,
"Hyung, why did you say that?"


Jiho looked back at his friend, "Say what? I still don't understand what I did wrong."


"You made fun of us, of him."


Jiho snorted, "How is that called making fun of?"


"You all laughed at him!" Jihoon raised his voice.


All three looked at him, the younger didn't usually get mad, nor did he raise his voice and argue back, especially not against Jiho.


"He's not like us, hyung. Don't make fun of him, don't curse at him. He's fragile."


Jiho looked at the younger with a serious expression, "He's not a fucking child, Jihoon. If he can't take a small damn joke then he's seriously-"


"Shut up! He's not-"


Jiho stood up, "Don't you fucking dare talking to me like that!"


"But you don't understand! You don't know what he's been going through! Just because you've been having a good life, and can take a lot of jokes and obstacles, doesn't mean everyone can!"


"What the fuck?" Jiho was stunned by the younger.


"Calm down, Jihoon." Kyung said, walking up to Jihoon's side.


"No, I won't! Taeil hates you all right now, especially you!" he growled, pointing at Jiho, "And I don't like that."


Jiho sighed, rolling his eyes, "Then just dump him."


Jihoon looked at him in pure disappointment, "You know what? I thought you would understand this time, hyung. I know my other crushes have been kind of going off and on, but this time it's different."


Jihoon paused to take a breath, glaring at the elder, "But you just keep joking around with people's feelings all the time! I never thought that in the end it would only be Yukwon who understood, who actually wanted to understand."


"I do understand, Jihoon!" Jiho snapped back irritatedly, "You like the guy, you want to fuck him, what else should I understand?!"


"FEELINGS! You should understand feelings!!" Jihoon shouted.


Kyung and Minhyuk watched the discussion in mixed shock with awe, none of them daring to cut in nor say anything.


Jihoon continued, "Real fucking feelings that you feel from the heart!"


Jiho glared at him, but stayed silent.


"You've never been in love have you?" Jihoon accused, "It's just like Taeil said, isn't it? You only care about sex and hot bodies! You never go deeper and try to get to know any of their personalities. It's only, and will only ever be, physical if you continue like this, and you know it."


Jiho chuckled, "No it's no-"


"Don't deny it," Jihoon spat, "I'm in love right now, hyung! And the fact that he's so broken, so unlike me, just makes my heart feel for him even more! I don't want to end up like you, I want someone to protect, someone I can feel with all my damn senses!"


Jiho sighed, waving him off, "Whatever,"


Jihoon let out an exhausted laugh, "Yes, fine, whatever..." he held up his arms in defeat, "I was just hoping you would try to understand. Sorry for assuming you wanted to."


"Don't make me into a bad guy here!" Jiho countered, "I clearly care about you because I was the one dragging that Taeil boy here in the first place!"


"Even though I told you not to!" Jihoon fought back.


"Why the fuck are you so angry?! I made you a damn favour! I made you get into his pants! You should be fucking happy about this!"


Jiho was so confused with everything and Jihoon face turned red from anger.


"WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX!!" Jihoon slammed his fist into the table, making Kyung jump and spill his water all over it, cursing silently. "I wasn't happy about it, because I knew how much this would tear on him! Haven't you noticed how afraid and shy he is?! Yukwon noticed! Why didn't you?!"


Jiho gave him an ignorant smile, looking at the younger in despise, yet let him continue,


"Just... Don't meddle into anything regarding me and Taeil anymore. I won't fuck this up, and I'm certainly not letting you fuck it up."


"Watch your tone."


Jihoon sighed once again, "Hyung, please promise me you won't do anything? I'm begging you."


"Whatever, I won't. Happy?"


"Yes," Jihoon answered, "Thank you." he turned around before any answers or questions could be asked, and walked upstairs once again.


The silence in the kitchen hung even heavier then before, and Jiho was breathing harshly, trying to calm himself down.


Kyung and Minhyuk looked at each other, eyes reading 'what just happened' and 'what are we supposed to do now'. Kyung glances over at Jiho, then back at Minhyuk who shook his shoulders as in 'I don't know what to say to him'. The silence just made the situation worse by every second, so Kyung forced himself to at least say something.






Kyung looked back at the other by the table, eyes pleading for support or ideas, but was given a half-hearted shrug.


Sighing, Kyung opened his mouth again, "Jiho... Jihoon's just a little worked up right now, I don't think he-"


"Shut up Kyung."


Kyung shut his mouth and Minhyuk sighed, putting his metal chopsticks down, "No need to be angry when you know he was right,"


"Shut the fuck up Minhyuk!! You're just as much of an asshole as I am right now, don't come here playing so damn innocent."


Minhyuk rolled his eyes, "Honestly, if I had heard them do anything I wouldn't say anyting because Yukwon told me to be nice and calm around this new guy."


Jiho clicked his tongue, "So you guys think it's all my fault too?"


Kyung immediately shook his head at this, but Minhyuk shrugged his shoulders once again, "I'm just saying you should've read the atmosphere. Have you already forgotten how it was when Yukwon and I started our relationship?"


"It's not the same."


"It is really," Minhyuk said, "It was a difficult time for us, and all you did was laughing about it in the beginning as well. Not really understa-"


"Why is everyone saying I don't understand?!"


"Maybe because you don't?" Minhyuk set straight, "Just because you've never been in love, just like Jihoon said."


Jiho groaned, "Don't you start with this too!"


Kyung looked between both of them, unsure what to do.


Without a word, Jiho walked out of the kitchen and the front door was slammed behind him soon after.


"I'll go after him..." Kyung said and left too.



- - - - - - - - - - - - -



Taeil felt Jihoon leave his side to head for the door, "I'm going to talk to Jiho-hyung..." he said, voice low.


Taeil looked at him, then at Yukwon who still stood in the doorway, watching the pair with concerned eyes. Jihoon walked down the stairs while Yukwon moved into the room, closing the door behind him.


"How are you feeling?" he said carefully, sitting down on the floor in front of the older.


Taeil shrugged, even though he thought Yukwon was a nice guy he didn't really have the urge to open up to him.


Yukwon seemed to notice it as well, "I understand that this is pretty hard for you?"


Taeil nodded.


Yukwon smiled, "You've never been with a guy before?"


"We didn't have sex." Taeil stated.


"I didn't say that," Yukwon answered quickly, "I meant been with a guy as in 'a relationship'."


Taeil looked at the floor, shaking his head.


"Want to know something?" Yukwon asked, searching for Taeil's eyes, "Minhyuk and I getting together wasn't a dance on roses, quite the opposite really."


Taeil looked up to the other, waiting for him to continue.


"I knew ever since a young age that I wasn't quite like my other friends when it came to girls. When we were getting into puberty, everyone was talking about girls, boobs, porn and all that.. but I wasn't really interested. Some years later during summer, when I had my first part-time job, I met a guy the same age as me and I started to feel all funny."


Yukwon smiled at the memory, "I thought he was really handsome and I always smiled like an idiot everytime he was around. After a week or something we started to take regular walks in the park after work, and sort of started to open up to each other. And this feeling I had grew bigger, and I found myself getting way too excited every day before work."


Taeil smiled at the other, he recognized that feeling.


"When I found out I actually was in love with him though, came one night when we sat on a bench in the park, and I got my first kiss. I was so shocked!" he laughed, "We both were kind of freaked out by the whole thing though, but the curiosity made me go to his house for a sleep-over the weekend after and we just started to explore."


He paused and looked at Taeil, "And it felt right, like I'd found myself or something in that direction. That's how I knew I liked boys, that I was gay. We didn't become an official couple though," Yukwon continued, "After the summer ended we decided to end things just as friends and a few months later we kind of lost contact completely."


"Weren't you sad?" Taeil spoke up, "You said you were in love with him."


"I was sad," Yukwon confessed, "But not too sad for me to handle, I moved on pretty quickly since we had only knowned each other for two months. Also one year after that I met Minhyuk."


Taeil sat up more straight, 'Didn't they say it was a bad beginning between those two?'
"How did it start with Minhyuk?" he asked.


"Really bad," Yukwon laughed once again, "He had a girlfriend when we first met, and I wasn't the happiest person when I realized I felt something for him. I tried hard to ignore it, but that was easier said than done, since we have the same friends, went to the same classes and spent hours together every day."


Taeil eyed him with a sad expression, "The others said Minhyuk was angry when you started to get closer?"


"He was," Yukwon sighed, "I'm not really good at hiding my emotions and in the end Minhyuk figured out that I felt something for him. It resulted in him starting to ignore me, getting more and more irritated at everything and everyone with each passing day. Then later at a random party I lost it, dragging him into a room screaming that I was in love with him, and stupid drunk me kissed him. I felt him kiss me back just before he pulled away and started to hit me pretty badly."


"W-what?!" Taeil gaped, shocked.


Yukwon flashed him a smile, "It hurted as hell and I sat there crying for a whole hour. After that we started hating on each other, and it wasn't until 2 months later when he finally came to me to apologize for what he'd done. Then we kind of started to hang out again and I was surprised at how nice he was being to me, even when we were alone."


"But something went wrong again?" Taeil said, noticing a slight change of tone.


"Yes. After a few weeks when I was at his place he kissed me, in the middle of a conversation, just like that." Yukwon answered, "I remember how my heart was about to burst open by happiness, because I still had strong feelings for him. Of course I kissed him back and he dragged me down on the couch. He was forceful, but I decided not to care since it was finally happening, you know. But as soon as it started he stopped and screamed at me to leave, and once again I was a crying mess."


Taeil felt sorry for him, but Yukwon opening up about his own experiences made Taeil feel a more calm approach to his own.


"But tables turned pretty quickly when Jihoon joined us and yelled at Minhyuk for being a stupid bitch at his first party with us," Yukwon giggled, "After that Minhyuk got the courage to accept his own feelings and broke up with his devastated girlfriend We started dating soon after that, but took it very slowly."


"When did you, you know, try to go further?" Taeil asked.


"First hand-job a month after, first blow-job not that long after that," Yukwon counted on his hands. Taeil getting surprised by how blunt he was about it.


"And," the younger continued, "Our first time having sex wasn't until five months later. Minhyuk felt kind of disgusted by the thought of it, you know, but once we did it he wanted to do it again right away!" he laughed, "And you see how we are now."


Taeil smiled at him, "How long have you been together?"


"Two years in November," Yukwon smiled, "But my point is, nothing is easy in the beginning. I don't know what you've been going through, but if you really like Jihoon, accept it for your own good and try it out. He really is a good kid."


Taeil looked to the floor again, "I'm just... afraid,"


"Of course you're afraid! You're trying out something completely new, and I know how freaked out you can be. But you should know that Jihoon is serious about this."


He moved closer to the older, "I've seen Jihoon dating other guys, having his fun with them, but he's never been so into someone as he is in you." Yukwon stated, "And he, unlike some others in this house, really care about other people and is someone who loves to make people happy."


Taeil sighed, "Trusting in people isn't really my thing."


"Then just let it take it's time. I'm not saying you have to trust him and feel all comfortable around him right away. Take it slow and do what you feel is right."


"Yeah," Taeil nodded, "I guess..."


Yukwon smiled at him, he was still scared, still angry but Yukwon had made his senses come back, allowing him to think more clearly.


"One more thing though," Yukwon added, "Don't put all the blame on Jiho. I know he's kind of an asshole sometimes, but he really doesn't mean any harm."


"You really are nice to everyone aren't you?"


The smiling boy giggled, "My mum taught me to always search for the good in every living creature, everything from humans to frogs."


Taeil laughed at that.


A few minutes later Jihoon came back and when their eyes met Taeil felt his body get warmer, his heartbeats getting more strong and he knew that yes, he had to try.

Chapter Text

"Jiho!" Kyung shouted, "Jiho, wait up!!"


Jiho was marching off away from the house, "Fuck off, Kyung!"


"What did I do?!" Kyung complained, "Come on Jiho, stop for fuck sake!"


Jiho finally came to a halt, letting Kyung get the chance to catch up. The taller eyes were glaring down at the other when he finally reached him, sighing in annoyance.


"Why did you run away like a fucking teenage girl?!" Kyung breathed out, clearly affected by the early run.


"Don't I have the right to be angry as well?" Jiho countered.


"You know it's all based in misunderstandings. You just need to-"


"I don't care."


"... Yeah, try fooling yourself with that." Kyung said, rolling his eyes.


Jiho groaned and kicked a stone away from the ground.


"Jiho," Kyung started, "Calm down."




"SSSHH!!" Kyung hissed, "Fuck Jiho, don't scream! You're not ruining Jihoon's life, what-"


"Fucking seems like it,"


"Well," Kyung started, "Just apologize for now." He put his hand on Jiho's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, "You'll find someone someday, I'm sure."


Jiho looked at him.


Kyung smiled, "I'm your best friend, who knows everything about you. Don't you think I know about your inner self freaking out about the fact that you might never find someone to love?"


Jiho's body language changed, anger fading from his eyes.


"Don't worry," Kyung continued, with a more serious tone, "You're still young, and a lot of people play around in our age."


"And a lot of people in our age find their true love." Jiho interrupted.


Kyung nodded, "Yes, but for some people it takes some time," he paused, "Just don't be so insecure."


"I'm not insecure!"


Kyung raised an eyebrow, "Says the one who thinks everyone hates him."


Jiho groaned, "I don-"


"You're afraid no one will like the real you, aren't you? Don't you think I've noticed? That's why you always play cool in front of girls, like a total different person. Why don't you try and show the real you and not have sex the same night you meet someone?"


Jiho looked down, mumbling to himself, accusing Kyung for knowing way too much about him.


"Just try, ok?" Kyung asked, trying to meet his eyes.


Jiho nodded, "Yeah yeah..."


Kyung giggled, "Good! Now let's go back, I think we're going to head back home soon."


Kyung turned to walked away, Jiho following with heavy steps, "Hey, Kyung?"




"Thanks.. You know, for understanding."


Kyung smiled, nudging the other's shoulder, "Anytime."


Jiho smiled back, "I'll kill you if you tell the other's though."


"I know!"






Jihoon smiled when his eyes met Taeil's as he returned to the room. Yukwon smiled up to him as well and stood up, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

"I talked to him and I managed to calm him down a bit," he leant up to whispered, "Did you talk to Jiho?" he asked, careful not to let Taeil hear.


Jihoon nodded, and Yukwon smiled brighter, "It's going to be ok, Jihoon-ah."


The younger smiled, "Thank you hyung, really."


"No problem. I'm glad to help, you know that."


Jihoon nodded again, grateful for his friend who left the room to join his lonely boyfriend down at the kitchen.


Jihoon kneeled down in front of Taeil, "How are you feeling?"


Taeil shrugged, "I'm ok,"


Jihoon studied him, trying to find any kind of sign that he was lying. The stare made Taeil uncomfortable and he looked away, "It is better, Jihoon. I promise."


Jihoon let out a sigh in releif, "Good!" He stood up again, stretching his back.


Taeil turned to look at him, "He told me..." he started, catching Jihoon's attention, "about his past."


Jihoon looked at the other, "Yukwon?"


Taeil nodded, "When he spoke about certain things I could, you know, recognize myself in them. Behind that smile he's always wearing he's been hurting too, did you know? I feel sorry for him."


Jihoon didn't give any answer, so Taeil continued, almost whispering, "I realized that maybe you should try things out, even if it hurts you."




"I-I don't know if it'll work out, since I kind of hate everything, and can't feel anything," he sighed, covering his face with his hands. "Never mind."


"What do you-," Jihoon started.


Taeil just shook his head, "Forget about it."


Jihoon sat down on the floor again, moving Taeil's face out from his small hands, "Taeil? Please continue?"


Taeil took a deep breath, "I'm feeling something for you."


Jihoon looked at him, dead serious, and the panic started to fill up inside Taeil. He swallowed, ignoring it, foring himself to continue, "Maybe we could... take it slow and, I don't know, try?"


He closed his eyes, amazed by his own courage. He released a huge breathe of relief just a second before he was attacked with the warmest hug he'd ever received. Jihoon bubbling giggles, his big body crushing against his own, the feeling brought so much happiness that Taeil couldn't help but giggle back.






About an hour later, all of them had packed their stuff, said goodbye to Yukwon, and sat in the car back to Seoul. The ride went on pretty quietly, since everyone except for Minhyuk and Taeil fell asleep almost immediately. Jihoon was leaning against him, breating heavily, as Taeil's felt his heart beat more euphoric everytime the breath from Jihoon's mouth kissed his exposed neck. He smiled gently and looked ahead to the road, meeting Minhyuk's eyes smirking back at him through the back mirror. Taeil's smiled turned into an angry glare within seconds.


"Congrats," Minhyuk said to him.


Taeil choosed to look out through the window, ignoring the other.


Minhyuk pouted, "I mean it."




When Minhyuk stopped the car to let Taeil off, Jihoon was still pressed up against him, sleeping soundly on his shoulder. The older debated whether or not to wake him up to say goodbye, or just try to sneak his way out without waking him up. His gaze flicked between the blonde and the door to the car,


"You want me to wake him up?" Kyung asked, as if understanding the situation.


Taeil shook his head, "It's ok," choosing the second idea, to just sneak out.


That didn't turn out as he planned though, as Jihoon woke up the second after, groggily looking around, "Oh, are we already there?"


"Good morning, Jihoon-ah," Minhyuk teased.


"Ah... I slept for too long," Jihoon rubbed his eyes as he yawned.


Newly awoken Jihoon in a car was just as adorable to Taeil as a newly awoken Jihoon in a bed. The same lost expression, hair tousled in various places and mouth pouting. It reminded Taeil of an adorable puppy.


"Taeil is going off now," Kyung explained and Jihoon looked at the other.




Taeil smiled and nodded, going out, taking his backpack with him.


"Bye then," he said and the others waved, even Jiho nodded awkwardly a goodbye. "Bye Jihoon," he finished and turned to leave.


"Wait," Jihoon grabbed his arm, "Can't I come with you?"


Taeil stared at him, "... Why?"


He could hear Kyung snicker behind them, before Minhyuk turned to slap him to shut him up.


"Can't I?" Jihoon looked at him eagerly, one hand already grabbing his backpack.


Taeil was still staring at him, "O-okey?"


"Yay!" Jihoon smiled, "Thanks for the ride Minhyuk!"


"No problem, have fun you guys!" Minhyuk waved, "And see you tomorrow Jihoon-ah,"


Jihoon nodded and closed the cardoor, watching them drive off.


Taeil looked at Jihoon, who was smiling down at him like an idiot, his whole face shining, and he couldn't help but roll his eyes, snorting at him.


"I need to go to the grocery store," Taeil said and started walking, Jihoon skipping behind. "And please stop giggling like that," he added, "It's embarrassing..."


"Sorry~" Jihoon sang, "I'll help you carry the bags!"


They walked silently beside each other, Taeil's heart racing with both the panic of what to do, and what to talk about. Nothing was said until they reached the store, and Taeil picked up one of the blue basket to carry the groceries in by the entrance.


"I can hold it for you." Jihoon said, reaching for the basket.


Taeil turned to glare at him, "I'm not weak, nor am I a little girl."


Jihoon laughed, holding his hands up in defence, "Just trying to be a good boyfriend,"


Taeil gulped, looking away, Is that what we are? Boyfriends? He'd never thought of them as boyfriends, being a couple and saying that he had a boyfriend with his own mouth, was something he'd never thought he would have to deal with.
He felt a chill through his body, Is that what he thinks we are? In a relationship?
The label pressured him.


Jihoon noticed the change in the older and realized his mistake, "Sorry, I said it without thinking," he said, scratching his head, "I know we're still not like that."


Taeil gave him an uneasy smile, "It's ok,"


It was ok, but the sudden word took him by surprise. He shook his head, trying to shake the anxiety away, forcing his brain to think about what to buy, and what to make for lunch tomorrow instead.


Other than that, the shopping went by just fine. Jihoon ran back and forth, helping picking up the things Taeil wanted, they shared some samples of fresh grapes that were on sale, and Jihoon watched in amusement when Taeil tried to choose between apples or pears for a good five minutes.


"Is it ok if I come with you home?" Jihoon asked on their way out of the store.


"Um, sure," Taeil shrugged.


Did I just invite him home?


They walked the roads leading them to Taeil's neighbourhood. The dogs in the shelter welcomed them with barks and howls, surprising Jihoon in a very good way. Taeil smiled as he opened the gate, letting Jihoon inside to greet the dogs.


"Who is it?" the owner appeared from the entrance, "Taeil! See you brought a friend?"


Taeil smiled, "Kangchil-hyung, this is Jihoon."


Jihoon waved happily, "Nice to meet you sir!"


Kangchil greeted the younger, "A very happy young man you are I see?"


Jihoon let out a laugh, "Such nice dogs you have!"


"Thank you, I do love every single one of them. Even though it would be better to find them new loving homes. We're still living on the hope that Taeil will buy at least half of them, when he moves to a bigger place," the owner joked, winking at Taeil.


"I'm already acting as their owner, coming here playing with them every day!" Taeil laughed, "But yes, I promise."


"I'll buy some of them too!" Jihoon said, and the owner chuckled.


"I like this kid!"


They stayed for a while, playing and cuddling with the dogs before going to Taeil's place. Reaching the door, Taeil hesitated for a moment, feeling nervous for showing Jihoon what was his, how he lived. Allowing someone to enter your room was the same thing as exposing yourself, since a person's house shows who they are.


He inhaled quietly before he turned the key and opened the door. His place was small, but comfortable. He didn't have that much stuff, the only thing he'd put a lot of money into was his big flat screen HD TV with the best surround system Seoul had to offer.


"It's so homey!" Jihoon beamed.


"It's nothing special," Taeil said and went to put his groceries in the kitchen.


"Better than my room, plus you live alone. It must feel good,"


It doesn't feel good, you drown yourself with your own thoughts,
"Yeah, sometimes I guess."


Jihoon went to join him in the kitchen, "How long have you been staying here?"


"I don't know,"


"Is your family visiting you often?"


"I don't talk to my parents,"


Jihoon raised his eyebrows, "Why?"


Taeil sighed, "They hate me and I hate them,"


"What... happened?"


Taeil opened the fridge to put in some vegetables, "Some things."


Jihoon pouted and looked away, understanding that Taeil didn't want to talk about it.
"So what are we eating then?" he smiled, turning the conversation around.


Taeil was greatful that Jihoon had changed the subject, and turned to give him a smile, "What do you want? I thought about just putting the chicken and vegetables together and fry it in some sauce,"


"Sounds good!"

Chapter Text

The food turned out more delicious than both of them had hoped for and they ate in happiness, talking about random things in between the bites. Even though they had a great time, Taeil felt that Jihoon didn't plan to leave any time soon, and it started to creep up in his nerves, making him more and more nervous. Does he plan on sleeping over? Taeil's bed was small, meant for one person and one person only.


How the fuck do you ask someone about when they're planning to leave? Without them thinking you just want to throw them out? In some way having Jihoon over for the night made Taeil excited, but it was too early for sleep overs at his home. He knew that if Jihoon stayed, something would happen and he didn't know if it would turn out to be a good or a bad thing.


"What are you thinking about?" Jihoon asked him, looking concerned, "You're dazing off."


Taeil cleared his throat, "It's nothing."


"You want me to leave?"


"What, n-no!" Taeil waved his hands in denial.


"I can go home," Jihoon smiled to him, "It's ok, haha, I'm already intruding enough."


Taeil feel uncomfortable, nervous, angry, sad and everything at the same time and he hated it. He felt misunderstood, yet got the feeling Jihoon understood the hidded thoughts,




The younger grabbed his wrist, stroking it slightly, "Look, I don't want to push yourself further than you want to, and I wasn't planning on sleeping here tonight," he said, "I'm just very happy I got to see your apartment, and I hope I can come and visit you often! I don't want you to feel alone."


Taeil still felt it, that stupid feeling, "I'm sorry Jihoon,"


"Don't be! I'm not sad!" he laughed, pulling the other into a hug.


Taeil smiled, letting the warm body engulf him, "And of course you can come and visit, just give me a warning ahead."


Jihoon nodded, kissing the smaller's head.


Taeil closed his eyes as he grabbed fistfulls of Jihoon's darkblue sweater, hugging the other closer.


"But," Jihoon giggled, "If you keep on holding me like this I might not be able to go,"


Taeil snorted, "Sorry,"


Jihoon beamed at him as he let go, reaching forward to grab the other's face, giving Taeil a soft kiss.


Taeil's heart skipped as he felt his face flush, much to his own embarrassment. He tiptoed, pulling his hands up to hook them around Jihoon's neck, kissing him back.


They soon lost themselves into the kiss, letting their tongues slide gently against each other. Taeil groaned when his body started to react to the touch, and he started to crave more, clinging onto the younger. Jihoon responded without a second thought and grabbed Taeil's hips, pressing him against himself, hands moving to stroke Taeil's lower back. Taeil squirmed, moving into the touch, stumbling slightly.


Jihoon moaned and broke the kiss, "Fuck," he said, face flushed, "We better stop."


Taeil took a deep breath, trying to calm his speeding heart, and nodded, "Y-yeah..,"


"I- I better go," Jihoon said, running a hand through his bangs, "Thanks for the dinner!"


Taeil let out the breath, "No problem,"


Jihoon smiled and pinched the other's cheek, earning the cutest pout he'd ever seen in return, "See you!"


Taeil nodded and waved the boy goodbye as he went out of the door, closing it slowly after himself.


"Shit," he sighed after Jihoon left, "Why am I getting so horny?"






Taeil felt unusually neutral, only slightly tilting over the edge of happiness, the next day on his way to work. The feeling was unfamiliar to him, having spent so many years in misery made him forget what the heart was actually capable of feeling. Just feeling something overall, something else than the heavy pressing of the invisible black rock he'd been under for the past years.


"Hi!" he greeted as he entered the café, surprised eyes looking his way before greeting him back.


Taeil didn't notice it though and went to his locker to change, saying hello to Jaehyo standing by the counter on his way. When he returned to join Jaehyo, the other leaned forward and placed a hand on his forehead.


"Are you sick or something?"


Taeil stepped back, pushing the other's hand away, "No, why?"


Jaehyo frowned, "You greeted us with a smile?"


"... So?"


"Well, if you haven't noticed you never say hi when you get here," he said folding his arms, "And a smile is out of question,"


Taeil sighed, "So if I do, I must be sick? Am I not allowed to greet the people I work with?"


Jaehyo squinted his eyes, "Did you get laid or someting?"




"Denying it I see," Jaehyo teased, "I can totally see on you that something good has happened,"


Taeil rolled his eyes, "Whatever,"


"So the weekend was fun?"


Taeil shrugged, not really wanting to share the story with his workmate.


Jaehyo giggled, nudging his shoulder, "Congrats dude!"


Taeil glared up at him, "I really wished I could punch you in the face,"


"But you can't do that you see, since we are in a very public place," he stuck his tongue out, walking away to serve a customer her camomile tea.


Fucking idiot... Taeil muttered and took the order of the giggling girls that were waiting in line.



30 minutes into his shift he got a text from Yukwon;


Hey, how are you feeling?
I'm coming back to Seoul today to meet up with Minhyuk^^
We thought about going to your work for coffee! When are you free?
Shall I bring Jihoonie? ㅋㅋ


Taeil didn't remember when or where he gave his number to Yukwon, problably when drunk.. But he smiled at the screen and texted back;


Of course you can come, I get off at 4 today.
Oh, it doesn't matter.. ^^


The sudden thought of Jihoon maybe coming made him nervous and he bit his lip.




Taeil's head snapped back, glaring up at a smirking Jaehyo, "Seeing you happy is almost frightening, mister always gloomy Lee Taeil."


"Shut up,"




Yukwon had answered;


I'll bring Jihoon for sure~ ;D


Taeil's heart jolted.



Nearly two hours went by, painfully slow and filled with nervousness, before the door opened and Yukwon entered wearing his toothy smile, followed by Minhyuk and Jihoon, just as happy.


"Hi!" The three of them waved, and Taeil smiled awkwardly back at them, unsure of what to do now when they were finally there.


Jihoon almost skipped to the counter, "Hi cutie~"


"You can't call him that here Jihoon-ah," Minhyuk sighed, "Hi Taeil."


Taeil pointed to their menu, "You want anything?"


"Me and Minhyuk want regular black coffe. Brewed, if you have any good blends," Yukwon said, "What about you Jihoon?"


Jihoon only had eyes for Taeil, much to the olders embarrassment, and shrugged his shoulders, "Doesn't matter, something sweet."


Yukwon laughed, "Please stop staring at him like that." All of them laughed and Jihoon pouted.


Taeil felt someone tapp him on his shoulder and turned around to see Jaehyo, standing there with a knowing look on his face, "New friends?" he asked with a smirk.


Taeil huffed, "Yes,"


The smirk turned into a kind smile as he went forward and offered his hand, "Nice to meet you, I'm Ahn Jaehyo,"


The three said hello and introduced themselves, before they went to sit down at a free table close to the counter.


"I thought you hated this stalker of yours," Jaehyo winked and stifled a giggle, earning yet another glare from his coworker.


"You're not allowed to change your mind?"


"Of course! But go from hating a person to being in love with said person is kind of unusual. Did he pull a Stockholm syn-"


"Who said I was in love with him?"


"Haha! Please, I'm not blind! You're fucking blushing."


"Shut up and do their damn coffee,"


"Alright alright," Jaehyo chuckled, "I'll stop."


"Thank you," Taeil sighed and started to do a caramel latte to Jihoon.


"Congrats to your happiness," Jaehyo whispered into the smallers ear, and Taeil was pretty damn close to throwing the steamed milk at his stupid face.



"Woah, I love him in his working clothes!" Jihoon beamed, "He's so cute!"


Minhyuk looked at him, one eyebrow raised, shaking his head, "Calm down, people might think you have a uniform fetish or sometihing."


"Let him worship him," Yukwon said, patting his boyfriend's head, "You're just like him sometimes as well, so don't you dare tease him,"


Minhyuk shot him a glare, "I'm not!"


Yukwon only winked as an answer and Jihoon smirked, "Everytime you're drunk Minhyuk-hyung."


Minhyuk waved them off, spotting Taeil walking towards them, "Shut up, our coffee is coming."


Taeil smiled at his friends and gave Yukwon and Minhyuk their coffee first, before handing Jihoon his, "It's a caramel latte," he explained, "Sweet as you wanted."


Jihoon took the cup with delight, "Wow, thank you!" Just as the words left his mouth, he spotted the little chocolate-heart Taeil had made in kakao on top of the light cream and Jihoon literally let out a squeal.


Yukwon burst out laughing at Jihoons reaction, while Taeil started to regret doing it.


"It's so pretty!!" Jihoon squealed loudly, eyes shining.


Taeil smiled back at him, trying to hide his face just as Jihoon got up to pull him into a hug.


"If we were at another place, I would've kiss you right now," he whispered, breath lingering on Taeil's neck, sending a shiver down his spine, "Or maybe something more if you wanted to."


Taeil looked at him as the younger once again sat down. He wanted more, of course he wanted more, he's a guy. Taeil swallowed when Jihoon met his eyes, smiling gently to him. Stop looking at me like that, like you're so innocent?! Taeil screamed in his head, trying to wipe away the memory of what happened a few nights ago in Yukwon's house. He couldn't stop looking at him though as bit his lip once again.


"Can you two stop having eye-sex right in front of us, thank you," Minhyuk complained and Taeil snapped out of it immediately, coughing, turning to walk back to the counter.


Jihoon pouted after him, "Why do you always make him walk away?" he complained, "Hyung~ Why~"


Minhyuk sighed, "Acting cute won't work on me, and you know it."


Jihoon groaned.


"But," Yukwon said, "You haven't done anything yet, right?"


Jihoon didn't answer right away, thinking about what to say, "I don't know what to call it, actually."


"You did something more than kissing?"


Jihoon shrugged, taking a sip of his drink.


Yukwon smiled, "It's ok if you don't want to talk about it, I just want you to know that you should take it slow with him."


"I know," Jihoon answered, looking at Taeil's direction.


"I'm not saying you should wait forever though," Yukwon continued, "Since the actual penetration part is quite a huge thing."


"It is," Minhyuk agreed silently.


Jihoon nodded, "I know hyung. I've already promised myself, and him, that we won't do anything until we're both ready. Especially until he's ready."


"Good," Yukwon said and drank some of his coffee, "Don't hesitate coming to us for advice ok?"


Jihoon wiggled his brows, "Do I really want to know what you guys are doing to each other?"


"Maybe not, no," Minhyuk winked at him.


Yukwon rolled his eyes, "I'm serious though,"


"I know," Jihoon smiled, "And you know I'm grateful to you hyung."



As Taeil came back to the counter Jaehyo was a chuckling mess, "So, I guess you're gay now?"


This time Taeil actually did hit him - hard.

Chapter Text

The week went by and Taeil didn't feel lost, swallowed by darkness at the urge of dying at all. It was clear to say that this had probably been his best week in a very long time. Jaehyo though, had teased him about his obvious turn for the better, which had in the end earned him an angry burn mark on his left wrist. Taeil had very gracefully spilled some hot water on him, calling it an accident.


Jihoon had come to visit more than once, one day bringing Kyung along, who had apologized with an anxious face. Taeil had accepted the apology, smiling as Jihoon made some kind of move of triumph. Kyung had also mentioned not to be angry at Jiho, but to Taeil Jiho was another thing. He didn't want to make up with Jiho just yet and Jihoon didn't push him to it either, so he guessed it was alright. The only person bringing up Jiho as a topic was Kyung anyway.


Jihoon had asked him out on a date for the upcoming Saturday on that very same day and Taeil had been delighted to find out Jihoon was going to take him to the aquarium. Apparently Yukwon had talked to Jihoon about Taeil's fascination of sea creatures, especially tropical fishes, and Jihoon had taken the bait, looking up aquariums to go to right away. Taeil was out of himself with happiness when they entered the big entrance, decorated with sharks and colorful corals and Jihoon wore that stupid smile on his face reading 'I succeeded'.


"Woaah, look at those!" Taeil squealed and pointed at the fishtank full of red and yellow coral reef fishes, "And those!" he pointed to another tank with blue ones, "So pretty! Look how they just swim, all free".


"They're very beautiful," Jihoon agreed, not really meaning the fish, but the smaller man standing in front of him.


Taeil turned around and smiled, "Thank you for taking me here."


"Donit mention it, I'm just happy to see you smile."


Taeil giggled and turned to continue walking down the hall full of his beloved sea creatures.


Jihoon watched Taeil sit in front of the Aqarium's shark tank for a good 15 minutes. Jihoon felt as ease giving Taeil this moment to his own, losing himself into the dept of the blue water, into the world he loved.


He liked watching the boy, appreciating moments like these so he could study and understand more what kind of person Taeil really was. He had already accepted that it would take a long time to get inside Taeil's personal space, even longer to get inside his head - but that was ok. A few things Jihoon did know though was that Taeil suffered from depression and self hate. Why, he didn't know, but when being around people made him so uncomfortable to the point of panicking, the source of it all must be something about friends or the school? Maybe he had been bullied? Jihoon was pretty sure it had nothing to do with bullying though, since it was another kind of feel to it all. The fact that he didn't have any contact with his family concerned him as well.


Whatever it was, it was Jihoon's mission to help him out. He didn't have it as a goal to find out the whole truth, he wanted Taeil to find the strength to leave the hurtful memories behind and start a new life.


20 minutes in and Jihoon walked over to Taeil, "Don't you think they're scary?" he asked, sitting down beside the other in front of the large tank.


Taeil shook his head, "No. They are not actually dangerous, you know, their reputation has been shattered because of these stupid movies. Did you know most of the species likes getting petted?"


Jihoon looked at the sharks with big eyes, shaking his head, he didn't know.


Taeil smiled, "They have this big reputation, are highly respected and are on top of the foodchain. But they're so vulnerable and very curious, also very smart," his eyes were following one of the lemon sharks swimming past them, "I like them because of that," he continued, "They're kind of role models, if you can say that without sounding weird."


Jihoon took the smaller's hand, "It's not weird. Having animals as role models is kinda cool."


Taeil raised an eyebrow at him.


"I'm not joking," Jihoon said.


"I know," Taeil answered, a fond smile gracing his face.


Jihoon's eyes was shining as he looked at the other, which they often did, Taeil had noticed. They continued through the sections, taking a break for coffee, before finishing their visit and headed to grab something to eat.


"What are you doing the rest of the day?" Jihoon asked as he chewed on his noodles.


Taeil shrugged, "Not much, I usually do my laundry on Saturdays and walk the dogs."


"Can I come with you home then?"


A beam of happiness flashed through Taeil's body and he nodded, "Sure."


Jihoon giggled and scooted closer to Taeil, "Thank you."



The music from the weekly Inkigayo was playing on the TV as the two sat on Taeil's dark grey couch. They were waiting for the new episode of a drama both of them were watching, snacking on the bbq chips Jihoon had bought on the way in the meantime. Taeil sat humming along the lines of the song playing, not noticing Jihoon's gaze upon him.






"Can I ask you something?"


Taeil turned to the younger, seeing the crunched up, uncertain expression gracing the younger's face, which probably meant Jihoon was about to ask something Taeil didn't want to answer.




Jihoon moved to an upright position to face Taeil fully, "I know you don't want to talk about some things, but can I ask you why?"


Taeil frowned, "What do you mean why?"


"Why don't you want to talk about it?"


Taeil looked down and shrugged, reaching for his beer.


Jihoon continued, "Something happened, right?"


Taeil looked at the TV, ignoring the other.




"Let's just watch the TV, Jihoon-ah."


"Were you abandoned by your family?"


Taeil looked at him, "What? No-"


"Or by your friends?"


Taeil gave the younger a stern look, eyes pleading.


"That's what happened right?" Jihoon pushed, "Someone hurt you to the point of losing trust in people? I've had other fri-"


Taeil slammed the beercan against the table, startling the younger, "Why are you so pushy?!" he hissed, "Why do you need to know everything? Why are you asking thousands of questions about things you know I don't want to talk about?"


Jihoon pouted as his gaze fell to his hands, "I just want to know so I can help you."


"I DON'T NEED HELP!" Taeil shouted, "Stop taking pity on me! Do you have to know about my past to be with me?!"


He glared at the younger and felt his heart aching. He saw the hurt in Jihoon eyes, but opening up to him wasn't something he was willing to do, at least not yet. Why was it so hard for him to just be quiet and accept that? He felt the tears coming and he stormed off to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. He let the tears fall from his eyes as the images of memories, who would forever haunt him, darkened in front of his eyes.




Woohyun was laughing, "When we move to London we can go party all the time and forget all about our idiotic families here."


"And buy the perfect apartment," Taeil continued, smiling at his best friend.


"And get hot girlfriends!" Woohyun high-fived him.


"Oh yeah!"


They'd just finished school, approaching the road intersection separating their way home.


"Taeil-ah," Woohyun turned to him, "Let's be friends forever, ok?"


Taeil smiled, "Don't be so cheesy, man,"


"But I like to be cheesy," the other smirked and Taeil cursed at him before waving goodbye.




Taeil cried harder as the pain stabbed his heart. He groaned as he tried to breathe, feeling his throath closing up, blocking his airway.




"I'm sorry Taeil. We have to pay for your brother's private institution, so we can't afford that right now,"


Taeil sighed, he didn't know why he even bothered asking for money to his singing classes from his parents. He had never been the priority.


"But you're coming to the concert on Friday, right?"


"Concert?" his mother frowned, "What concert?"


"... At the school festival?"


"Oh! Was that on Friday?" his mother massaged her temples, "Sorry dear, me and your father and going out for dinner with our friends. Maybe next time."


There wouldn't be a next tim and Taeil knew it.




He had started shaking more frantically, just wanting to scream out how unfair his life was, how much he hated everyone who once had been a part of his life. He started punching his chest as hard as he could, trying in vain to beat the pain away. A few minutes went by before he lay down on his bed, hugging his legs close to his body, letting the tears wet his pillow.


Taeil had already forgotten that Jihoon was still there and he hadn't noticed the younger standing in the doorway of the room, also crying, not sure of what to do. This started because of him, this was his fault and Jihoon knew it. He hated himself for pushing the older boy just because he wanted some answers.


With careful steps, he walked to the other, slowly sitting down on the bed.


"Go away," Taeil hissed behind his hands covering his face.


Jihoon ignored him, "I-I'm sorry," he tried, reaching for Taeil's hair, carefully stroking it.


Taeil moved away from his touch.


"Taeil, please, I'm sorry," Jihoon repeated.


"Leave!" Taeil reached out to push him away. He didn't care about Jihoon seeing him in this state, it was the younger's fucking fault anyway.


Avoiding Taeil's blind punches, Jihoon forced his way down to lie down beside the older, pulling the smaller into a hug. Taeil weakly tried fighting the bigger build boy off him, but Jihoon was determined to stay, holding the other tight.


Jihoon tried to hush him in-between his sobs, "I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry, it's ok."


Taeil started screaming, punches turning weaker by the seconds passing and he gave up, leaning against Jihoon, burying his face into the younger's chest.


"I was stupid, I'm sorry," Jihoon whispered, "I went too far, please don't hate me."


Taeil tried his best to calm down but the shaking wouldn't stop, "Don't push m-me into telling you things," he stuttered. Jihoon nodded against his head and Taeil felt the younger's tears stain his hair, "Let me decide when to tell you."


"I will wait," Jihoon whispered, "It's ok if you never tell me if it's this bad.. just try to calm down."


Jihoon held him close and waited for Taeil's breathing to turn back to normal. Being once again in this position made Taeil feel pitiful, but it was something about the other that made him calm and he put his arm aound the younger's waist.


"I'm sorry I yelled at you," he said after a while, voice quiet against Jihoon's chest.


Jihoon shook his head and reached down to place a kiss on his forehead, "Don't worry,"


Fuck you stupid guilt, don't feel sorry for yelling at him, Taeil shut his eyes and inhaled, breathing in Jihoon's scent which he'd started to like more and more lately. He tugged at the hem of Jihoon's t-shirt, touching the skin of Jihoon's neck and collarbones. He slid his index finger gently over each collarbone, reaching up to place a soft kiss on the younger's adam's apple. Jihoon let out a sigh and Taeil saw him swallow, shuddering under Taeil's touch which gave the older urge to place another kiss, this time on the neck.


Jihoon moaned as Taeil continued placing kisses up and down his neck, further down to his upper chest, before slowly moving up until he was face to face with the younger. Jihoon's expression was caring and soft, unlike his gaze which screamed out lust. Taeil smirked before meeting the younger's plump lips in an open kiss.


There was no time for sweet kisses as they both devoured each other's mouths with eager tongues. Within seconds both of their shirts were off and tossed away and Jihoon was on top of Taeil, caressing his inner thighs, making the older squirm in his embrace. He held Jihoon's face in a steady grip, kissing him with all his might as he heard Jihoon unzip his pants and pull them down as much as he could without breaking the kiss.


Taeil moaned into Jihoon's mouth as the younger cupped his clothed erection and Jihoon took the chance to break the kiss and heave Taeil up against the wall, placing a pillow behind his back. The older groaned as Jihoon unzipped his own pants, tossing them away, joining the pile on the floor. Jihoon's cock was fully erected, and the sight made Taeil's breath hitch.


"Oh shit," Taeil gulped before he reached down, dipping his hand inside Jihoon's boxers, giving Jihoon's cock a firm stroke. The younger groaned, fisting the sheets to keep himself up and steady, fearing he might crash down onto the smaller if his arms gave in.


Taeil smiled at the reaction he was given and captured the other's lips again, biting down lightly on Jihoon's lower lip, which was enough for Jihoon to finally loose his strength and he slided down as slow as he could, full bodyweight covering Taeil's smaller frame.


Taeil felt himself going wild, the intimacy along with his drained brain made him feel high like he'd taken drugs. He didn't recognize himself in the way he responded to Jihoon, he was too needy, too loud... He jerked Jihoon's cock fast and hard as Jihoon moved to lick and suck on his neck, hand grabbing his ass, pulling down the older's boxers.


"T-touch me," Taeil moaned and Jihoon obeyed, a warm hand moving to touch his leaking cock.


Jihoon smirked at him as he rolled his thumb over the slit, spreading the precum over the head and gave it a few pumps. Taeil arched his back, moving into the touch and Jihoon caressed his lower back with his free hand, moving it slowly down, down over his now naked ass and lifted his hips up to rest against his thighs, making the older fully exposed to access.


Jihoons grip turned to focus on Taeil's ass and thighs, loving the reaction the older was giving him. Taeil was scratching Jihoon's shoulders, forefully moving the younger closer to him as the bigger built boy trailed his fingers over Taeil's spine, stopping to slightly massage his tailbone before ever so slowly slid two fingers in between Taeil's buttcheeks.


The older froze and Jihoon felt it,


"Don't worry," he panted against the older's ear, "I won't go further,"


With that Taeil relaxed and let the emotions swallow him. It felt amazing, too amazing and he groaned loudly, taking Jihoon's cock once again in his hand and stroked it with as much strength as possible from his position.


He felt the familiar knot build up in his lower region, "Ji-jihoon, I'm-,"


"Me too, baby," Jihoon hissed as they took up the pace.


With an ecstatic groan Taeil came, body jerking hard and Jihoon kissed him, coming right after, moaning loudly right into Taeil's mouth.

Chapter Text

Taeil was sitting down cuddling with two of his favorite dogs at the shelter, lost in thoughts. A strange feeling of guilt had been lingering inside of him ever since Jihoon left the night before. It was not guilt because of the argument, it was the level of intimacy that left an uneasy emotion. He felt like he'd started kissing and touching Jihoon in the moment, just to make his brain shut up. He had acted like a complete whore yesterday, loud and needy.. Never in his life had he been behaving like that before - they hadn't even been sleeping with each other? Sex. The thought made him shiver.


Did he want to have sex with the other boy? When Jihoon had touched him yesterday, he had felt on top of the world with ecstasy. He had felt scared, but still leaned in to the touch. Why? Maybe because he never thought he'd be in this kind of situation, ever, but was too curious to resist. But the thought of going further, letting Jihoon have sex with him, entering him was nerve wracking.


He sighed and leaned against one of the dogs, inhaling the earthy warm smell.
'Wait', he shot upright, startling the dogs, 'Why do I automatically assume that I'll be on the receiving position?!'




"Um... How long are you going to wash that cup?"


Taeil looked up, "Huh?"


"You've been washing that cup, dazing off, looking like a zombie, for 5 minutes now," the tall boy said.


Taeil looked down, not realizing what he even was doing, "Oh."


Jaehyo looked at him, "Are you ok?"


"Yeah, why?"


"Sure you are,"


Taeil glared at him, "Shut up,"


Jaehyo rolled his eyes, "Come on, you know you can talk to me if-"


"Hi Taeil,"


The voice cutting in on their conversation cut Jaehyo off mid-sentence. It was Jiho, all in black clothes, standing in front of the counter with an awkward expression.


Taeil was slightly taken aback as he stared at Jihoon's friend.


Jiho cleared his throat, "Taeil," he repeated once again, "Can I talk to you?"


Jaehyo looked between the two, noticing the slight tension, "He's working right now," he said with a bitter face.


Taeil looked at Jaehyo in surprise.


Jiho answered, "I know and I'm sorry, but this is the only way I can come in contact with you,"


Taeil sighed, talking to Jiho was nothing he wanted to do, he had other things to think about.


"Taeil, please," Jiho pleaded.


"Did something happen between you two?" Jaehyo asked, looking at Taeil who glared at him in return, "What? Can't I be curious too?"


"None of your business, really,"


Jaehyo snorted, "You're not even categorizing me as a friend do you?"


Taeil frowned, "What do you mean by that?"


Jaehyo shook his head, "Never mind", and his usual goofy smile was back, "I'll cover for you, so go talk with mister bleached hair."


Taeil watched him go and sighed, turning to Jiho, "What is it?"


"Can we sit down or go somewhere where people can't hear us?"


Taeil shrugged and went outside to the backyard, where he and his co-workes usually ate their lunch or smoked, and sat down by the small wooden table.


Jiho followed and folded his hands, "Um, I'm sorry."


Taeil snorted.


"I mean it, Taeil."


"Ok," Taeil shrugged, "That's all? Then I'll go-"


"No." Jiho stood up, blocking Taeil from leaving. "You have to know that Jihoon doesn't have anything to do with me being here,"




Jiho sighed, "So just sit down and listen, please?"


Taeil shot him a glare, but did as he was told.


Jiho continued, "I'm sorry that you got hurt by what I said. I didn't mean anything bad with it." he paused, taking a breath, "As you said I don't understand your situation and I know I said things without thinking. But I never meant any harm trying to fix you together."


Jiho massaged his temples, and Taeil finally looked at him.


"I wanted him to come closer to you as a person, NOT just sexually. I knew he liked you, even through your bitchy personality, but he was always happy whenever he talked about you. So that's why, you know, I kind of invited you to join us. Jihoon didn't know I had, actually, so he got pretty mad when he found out but yeah.. Just so you know."


Jiho looked at him with serious eyes, "I know I can be an asshole and I never really think before I speak, so please try not to take me too seriously. You already mean a lot to Jihoon and I don't want to be on bad terms with you since I hate seeing him affected by this. He's like my little brother and I, you know, want the 'always smiling' version of him."


Taeil knew that him not liking Jiho affected Jihoon, even though he never said it out loud.


Jiho let out a breath, "I don't ask you to forgive me or anything but I'm sorry that I hurt you, and him in the progress," he looked up at Taeil again, "Can we be cool around each other?"


Taeil bit his lip and nodded, "Okay."


"Thank yooou," Jiho smiled brightly and let out a loud sigh of relief, "Handshake?"


Taeil snorted, but shook the other's hand with a smile.




"Jihoon darling, Jiho is here!" His mother was calling from downstairs.


"What does he want now?" he mumbled to himself as he sat up from his bed, heading down the stairs.


"Hey," Jiho smiled as he saw Jihoon, "You're about to get happy!"


Jihoon raised an eyebrow at his friend.


Jiho smirked, "Taeil doesn't hate me anymore."




"I went to talk to him,"


Jihoon frowned, "You did? When?"


"I just got from there,"


"What did you say to him?" Jihoon asked, looking at his friend with judging eyes.


Jiho laughed, "Well, the usual bla bla I'm sorry bla bla, you know," Jihoon's looked even more judging and Jiho sighed, "I didn't do anything bad to him."


"Should I believe you?"


"Yes," Jiho groaned, "you should!"


Jihoon let out a giggle, his face turning into a smile, "Hyuuung, thank you!!" he beamed and hugged him.




Jiho-hyung said he spoke to you today?
What did he say? He didn't want to tell me!!..
And how's work today?


Taeil looked at his phone and typed the answer;


Yeah he did. He just told me he was sorry.. so I accepted it.
I don't want you to be angry at your friend just because I don't like him.
And not too much to do today at work.


It didn't take long until he got a reply.


Hmm ok.. I'm once again sorry for his dumb ass, but I'm very grateful you forgave him.
Thank you really.
Do you think we can meet up with all the others again then?
Kyung's parents are going away this weekend so he said we could drink at his place!
A few other friends will come there also ^o^


Taeil bit his lip, even more new people? He hesitated to answer, he remembered how it'd gone the last time they drank together. He scratched his neck and choose to put his phone back into his pocket, giving him some tome to decide on wether to go or not later.


Just as he went to clean up some tables though, he felt his phone vibrate a notification;


You don't have to worry about the people, Taeil.
They are all nice, I can promise you that ^^
And if something goes wrong, I also promise I'll help you.


Taeil smiled to himself.


I'll go with you :)

Chapter Text

"What time are you coming tonight?" Yukwon asked Taeil over the phone.


"I don't know yet, Jihoon said he was going to meet me up before,"


"Alright. Kyung said we should come around seven and that we should eat before coming."




There was a pause from Yukwon's line, "Taeil, are you ok?"




"Are you sure? I'm here to talk to if you want, you know. If you're worried about the party then I think only Minsoo, Minho and the others are the ones coming tonight and they are all pretty chill."


The names said nothing to Taeil, "It's ok, really. But yeah... thanks?"


Yukwon laughed on the other line, "Well, see you later then."


He hung up before Taeil could say goodbye.


Jihoon was coming in three hours and he would bring some black bean noodles with him for them to eat. Taeil had also promised to buy some beer and soju beforehand so they could drink it along the noodles, like their own little pre-party. He had planned to go to the store, but he was stuck standing in front of his bed, clothes thrown all over the place. He groaned and scratched his head,


"What the fuck am I supposed to wear?"


Everything about the situation made him feel both frustrated and embarrassed since, in his head, being anxious about what clothes to wear was a girl-problem period but.. apparently not. He only had black clothes to begin with and every piece looked pretty much the same. He covered his face in his hands and let out an irritated growl, before giving up, grabbing his wallet and head to the convenience store.


As he stood picking out the cans of beer he'd decided on, two voices chatting in english caught his ears;


"Nah babe, you have to try out soju now when you're in Korea!"


That voice... Taeil turned around and his heart stopped, W-woohyun?


Woohyun, the person he'd used to call his best friend, the person he'd shared everything with, the person who had torn him apart. Why was he there? He was supposed to be in London.


"I didn't like it when we had it in London, why would it be better here?" the girl next to Woohyun pouted, "Look, it's even the same brand!"


Woohyun was laughing at the girl and Taeil's heart was rushing, both of shock and clean pure panic. He had to run away, he couldn't face the other, he couldn't let him see him.


He picked out the beer as quickly as he could, drew his hood over his head, thanked God that he'd already picked out the soju of choice and walked with quick steps to the cashier. As the costumer before him looked through his wallet for enough money, he heard Woohyun and the girl's voices come closer and closer to him.


He started to shake as he felt the couple stand behind him in the queue. It had to be his girlfriend since he called her 'babe' all the time and he was sure he'd heard a 'honey' coming out from the girl's mouth. Taeil didn't understand english that well, but everyone knew what those words meant. He put the bottles and cans on the counter and handed the cashier the money, just as he noticed the couple behind him going silent.




He froze, fumbling with his hands, nearly dropping his wallet in the process.


"Shit, is that you Taeil?"


Woohyun had noticed him.


Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck


He took the change from the cashier, ignoring Woohyun, pretending not to hear.


"Taeil?" A hand on his shoulder turned him around, "Wow, it really is you isn't it?"


His eyes met with the other's. Taeil stared at him, as Woohyun smiled back at him, the same smile he'd worn the last time he'd spoken to him over skype all those years ago.


"Wow, it's such a long time ago I saw you!" Woohyun looked genuinely surprised, "Can't believe you're still here! And you're so thin!" he laughed at him, poking at his stomach, "What happened to all those muscles?"


Taeil couldn't find his voice, his whole body had started to ache in a wierd uncomfortable way, legs frozen solid. Woohyun continued his talking, not really waiting for Taeil to give any answers.


"What are you doing nowadays? Seeing you are here doesn't seem you've been getting anywhere with your life?" he smirked and hit him on his shoulder, "Just kidding!"


He felt like crying, felt like breaking down and hit his friend at the same time, "You're not kidding," he said in a dark voice.




Taeil swallowed his anxiety, "I think you're mistaken,"


Woohyun raised an eyebrow, "Mistaken about what?"


Taeil glared at him, "I wanted to forget you, why did I have to meet you?" he spat at the other, grabbing his bag and walked out of the store.


Once outside he broke, unable to hold back the tears that started to fall from his eyes. He took off in a run, as fast as he could to his apartment. People gave him strange looks as he blew pass, he even bumped into some of them, but he couldn't care less.


Why is he back?!

Is he back living here now?

He knows where the fuck I live! I told him when I moved! What if he comes?!


He ran into his apartment, nearly breaking the door by the pure force of slamming it close behind him. His pulse was racing dangerously as he tried to calm himself down. Tears was streaming down his cheeks, down on his hoodie and he cursed out loudly, grabbing one bottle of soju from his bag and gulped down nearly half of it. He looked at the clock on the wall - one hour before Jihoon would come. He took another mouthful and took out his phone, hands shaking slightly, as he called Jihoon's number.









"Hello Taeil~"


"J-jihoon," Taeil managed, trying to keep his voice steady, "Can you c-come now?"


"Oh, sure! Why? Something happened?"


"No, nothing. Just come."


"On my way!"



Taeil didn't know why, but he really felt like he needed Jihoon with him.


20 minutes later Jihoon knocked on the door, carrying the bag containing their take-out food.


"I'm here!"


Taeil smiled at the younger ball of sunshine as he let him in, "Hi," he said, pulling him into a hug.


This was something he'd never done before, and Jihoon froze in his arms, suddenly very concerned. Taeil only embraced the younger's waist harder, holding him strong, breathing in the scent of Jihoon. He let out a shaky breath.


"Taeil? What's wrong?" Jihoon said in a soft voice, bringing his hand up to caress the smaller's shoulder.


Taeil shook his head against Jihoon's chest and pulled away, taking Jihoon's hand, leading him into the bedroom.


Jihoon looked at him, "Taeil?"


"Shh..." Taeil took the bag away from Jihoon's hand and put it on he floor, "Just help me, please help me think about something else,"


Jihoon's expression turned from concerned to scared, "What? Taeil, what happened?"


Taeil hushed him again, then tiptoed up to kiss him, "Just kiss me for now, please."


Jihoon did as he was told and bent down to kiss him back. As their lips met, the same soothing feeling that Taeil had felt before shot through his heart - just as he wanted. He linked his hands around the younger's neck and pulled him closer, letting out a sigh as a tear escaped his eye.


Jihoon moved them to the bed and lay them down slowly trying not to break the kiss. As they finally laid down fully, the kiss turned more passionate, tongues sliding against each other, hands sneaking their way underneath their clothings.


"Take it off," Taeil whispered and Jihoon met his gaze, "Please Jihoon,"


Another tear escaped the smallers' eye and Jihoon bent down to kiss it away. Taeil felt his heart skipping a beat at it and smiled, sitting up as Jihoon pulled his hoodie and t-shirt over his head before removing his own shirt, leaving them exposed. Taeil shivered as the air hit his naked body and a warm smile formed on Jihoon's face as he pulled him into a hug the second after, leaning over him, pulling the bedsheet with him to covering them.


It all felt different this time - it went more smoothly, more slowly and Taeil felt Jihoon's heart beat against his own. He kissed Jihoon with everything he had and moaned when Jihoon's strong arms caressed his upper body, hands slowly motioning down his lower stomach, sliding inside his sweatpants.


He grabbed Jihoon's hips and moved his hands down to unbotton the other's jeans, pulling them down, sliding one hand over his lower back and one down to his hardening cock. He moaned into the younger's mouth as he felt the hard erection lie heavy against his hand, wanting attention as he slowly massaging Jihoon's cock through the thin fabric of his boxers.


Jihoon groaned against Taeil's neck before bending down to place an open-mouthed kiss along his collarbones, hand caressing one of his nipples. The kisses traveled down, down to his chest and Taeil's back arched as a hot tongue graced over his left nipple.


"Aah.." He shuddered as Jihoon continued to tease his nipple with his tongue as his other hand sneaked the way down to pull down his boxers.


Jihoon moved his hips in rhythm with Taeil's touch, "Take them off," he whispered roughly against Taeil's chest.


Taeil's breath hitched, Jihoon's voice was amazing, had it always been that amazing?


He did as he was told though and pulled down Jihoon's boxers as the younger sat up, pulling of his jeans and Taeil's sweatpants completely, throwing them on the ground.


Jihoon's dark gaze upon his exposed body made him blush, "D-don't look at me like that,"


The younger just smirked, "Like what?" he countered, bending down again to catch Taeil's slightly swollen lips.


Their hands wandered down to both of their erections immediately and began stroking in a steady pace. Jihoon was working his mouth down Taeil's throat and neck again, letting out moans and groans along the way. Taeil was now visibly shaking, and it felt like Jihoon tried to calm him down with all these kisses. The tongue was back on his nipple, and he let out a loud moan.


"J-jihoo-aah-please," he didn't know what he was begging for, he just wanted to feel more, forget what happened earlier, just let Jihoon take control over his mind.


Jihoon strangely enough seemed to understand as the touches became softer, more loving, kisses going lower and when his tongue licked over his navel Taeil fisted his hands in the sheets. He felt Jihoon's warm breath against his erection and he whimpered as he felt the blush hit his face.


When Jihoon took the tip of his cock into his mouth Taeil's head exploded and he bit down hard on his lip, moaning loudly as Jihoon took more of him inside, sucking slowly.


Taeil didn't know what to do about himself, it felt so desperately good that he couldn't stay still. He grabbed fistfulls of Jihoon's hair, pushing his face down, making him swallow him whole. Jihoon moaned around his cock, sending vibrations down his shaft and Taeil tensed, forcing himself not to scream.


"S-stop, I'm gonna-,"


Jihoon got the message and released him with a final lick on his tip, "You can't come yet babe,"


Taeil moaned and pulled Jihoon down against him again, kissing him with hunger, tasting himself on the younger's tongue. Jihoon pulled him up, making him straddle his waist and Taeil took the opportunity to lick and kiss the younger's neck, finishing with a bite down on the spot behind Jihoon's ear.


"F-fuck!" Jihoon hissed and grabbed Taeil's ass with both hands, pushing Taeil down on the mattress again, "You're making me dangerously horny," he whispered and Taeil smirked.


"That's a good thing isn't it?"


Jihoon gave him a smirk back and stroke his large hands over Taeil's thighs, lifting them up, placing himself between them, leaning down over Taeil's flushed body.


"J-jihoon, I'm not r-ready f-for-"


Jihoon shushed him.




Jihoon shut his mouth by kissing him and his hand was back on his cock, soon joined by his other hand taking both of their cocks together, stroking them against each other. They both groaned between sloppy kisses and Jihoon sped up, hips moving along. Taeil grabbed Jihoon's face, kissing him as powerful as he could, trying hard not to faint of all the emotions that was running through him at this point. Jihoon broke the kiss seconds later, letting out a loud moan as Taeil felt hot fluid being splattered over his stomach, running down over his cock.


The feeling alone made his cock twitch and he looked up at Jihoon shivering after reaching orgasm, leaning down to breathe harshly against Taeil's neck. Taeil tried to catch his breath during the break, but it only lasted for a short moment before he felt Jihoon lick a trace from his collarbone, down over his nipple, down to his stomach, sucking on his hipbone before taking his aching erection into his mouth once again.


"Aahnnn..." Taeil moaned.


Jihoon sucked him in a steady pace, taking him deeper every third move, making Taeil crazy with pleasure. He wondered how Jihoon could be this skilled, but chosed not to ask, because damn it felt amazing. Jihoon released his cock and brought his fingers into his mouth, eyes locking with Taeil's as he sucked them, soaking them in saliva. Taeil nearly came just of the sight and Jihoon chuckled, releasing his fingers.


"Relax now babe," he whispered and Taeil took a deep inhale as he felt Jihoon's sleek fingers massage his hole, moisturizing it.


He understood it would be no sex today, since Jihoon already came, and the urge for release was too strong for him to actually registrate that he was about to get fingered by the younger. Jihoon bent down to kiss him as he pressed the first finger inside.


It didn't hurt like he thought it would, it just felt... strange. Jihoon sat up again, moving his finger inside Taeil's hole slowly, looking at him for any sign of discomfort. Taeil met his eyes and nodded, marking it as an ok to move on as Jihoon inserted another finger. This time the slight pain of being streatched was there, but it was still bearable. He moaned and brought his legs up to rest on Jihoon's hipbones.


Jihoon licked his hand before bringing it down to stroke Taeil's flushed cock again, working his fingers to move faster. Taeil's mouth was open and eyes shut tight, taking in the before unknowned pleasure that Jihoon now was introducing to him. He was so close to orgasm, his mind completely shut off, overtaken by sensations.


Then Jihoon arched his fingers up and fuck, a flash of pure pleasure shot right through Taeil's body and he screamed as he came, mind going blank as his body shook heavily, semen spilling over his stomach and down Jihoon's hand.


It took a minute before Taeil managed to open his eyes again and he was met by Jihoon's smiling face,


"Found it," the younger giggled.




After taking a shower, Taeil and Jihoon finally sat down to eat their noodels.


"Probably going to be all soaked now," Jihoon pouted, "But it was worth it, wasn't it?"


Taeil blushed as he laughed, "Probably, and cold as well. We have to eat it pretty fast, the party starts in 40 minutes."


Jihoon shrugged, "It's ok to be late," he took one of the soju bottles Taeil bought earlier and opened it, pouring the liquid into their glasses.


Taeil thanked him and took the shot along with the other.






"Did something happened before I got here?"


Taeil took another shot and kept his eyes down, swirling his chopsticks around the noodles, "I met an old friend at the store,"


Jihoon studied him, "Did he do something to you?"


Taeil hesitated to answer and took some noodles inside his mouth, chewing it slowly, even taking the time to take another shot of soju before reaching over to grab one of the beer cans.


Jihoon was waiting for the answer with patience, not wanting to urge him on and he was just about to continue eating when the answer came,


"Actually he used to be my best friend," Taeil said.


The younger put down his chopsticks, "Used to?"


"He changed," Taeil said and poured the beer into a large cup, "He broke our promises,"


Jihoon's sad eyes looked at him, "What an idiot," he muttered.


Taeil looked up at him, "Huh?"


Jihoon shrugged, "Well he is isn't he?" he said and grabbed his chopsticks again, "I will never forgive anyone who hurt you in the past. Because they broke you, making you like this."


Taeil stared at him and Jihoon continued;


"You had cried when I came, I saw it right away. If you cry when you meet someone then it's because they stole a piece of you along with them, when they left your life."


Taeil felt the tears coming again but Jihoon smiled, "I'm just happy I can make you forget that for a moment."


Guilt. A painful shot of guilt went through Taeil's heart as he realized he once again had used Jihoon to forget, to turn his thoughts off. The reason he had called him to come over earlier to begin with was because of that. A tear escaped and rolled down his cheek.


"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I didn't mean to use you, I-"


"No Taeil," Jihoon went to sit beside him, "I'm not taking it as in you using me,"


"But I did! Today I just called you because you make me forget about the pain,"


Jihoon shrugged, "But isn't that a good thing?"




"What do you feel when I touch you?"


He looked at Jihoon, "Calm? And I guess warm? My brain goes fuzzy along with everything else," He locked eyes with the younger, "It's this warm but funny feeling all around my chest."


Jihoon smiled and moved to place a kiss on his lips, "Then it's a good thing."


"It is?"


"Yes! Now let's eat and focus on getting tipsy before we go" Jihoon laughed and put a new bottle of soju on the table.

Chapter Text


They were already kind of intoxicated by the time they arrived to Kyung's villa, giggling like two teenage girls as they knocked on the door.


Kyung stumbled out from the door, just as intoxicated as they were. "Heeeey!"


"Hyung!" Jihoon beamed and hugged the host for the evening.


"You're late! What were you doing?" he asked with a wink.


"Shut up," Taeil muttered and went past him through the door.


"The other's are already here," Kyung said and waited for the couple to take off their shoes and jackets, leading them into the common room of the house.


"Is Minho here??" Jihoon asked.


Taeil raised an eyebrow, noticing Jihoon's excitement.


"Of course he is!" Kyung chuckled as Jihoon's smile grew bigger.


"Minho!!" Jihoon squealed as they reached the group of guests.


It was a lot of people. Excluding the ones he'd already met, it was four new faces. Taeil swallowed, eyeing the smiling guys in front of him. He watched one of them laughing into a bear-hug with Jihoon and he made a face at the scene.


Taeil was about to shy away when he felt Kyung taking his arm, dragged him down to sit on the floor beside Yukwon, "You know us, sit here!"


Yukwon noticed the look on Taeil face right away and snorted.


"Jealous much?"


Taeil gave him a glare, "No!"


"Haha!" he patted his head, "Don't worry, Minho is his best friend and nothing else."


"Really? I thought Jiho was his best friend or something."


"We're all kind of best friends," Yukwon explained, "But Minho is on the number one spot."


Taeil nodded in understandment, "Oh I see."


"Taeil~" Jihoon crawled up to him, grabbing his waist to turn him around.


Taeil jumped in surprise, "You startled me,"


Jihoon giggled, "Taeil, this is Minho! Minho, this is my boyfriend Taeil."


Taeil stared up at Jihoon in surprise, how could he say that so easy?


"Oh!" Minho exclaimed, "I thought it would be you!" he took Taeil's hand, introducing himself, "You're just his type."


Taeil smiled uncomfortably.


"He's so cute!" Minho laughed and smiled back at him, earning a slap from Jihoon.


"Shut up. Mine!"


The other boys in the room laughed at them, and a boy with a soft face reached forward to offer Taeil a bottle of soju, "Drink this," he said, "Nice to meet you by the way, I'm Hyoseob."


Taeil greeted the boy.


"And I'm Taejoon," the guy beside Hyoseob said, reaching forward to shake Taeil's hand as well. "Take care of Jihoon, ok?" he smirked, "And drink a lot tonight!"


Taeil only smiled back awkwardly yet again, agreeing to what was said and opened his bottle. He was just about to pour it into a glas, when a full sleeved tattoed arm took it from his hand,


"I'll pour it up for you," the tattooed unknowned boy said, "Kyung and Jihoon said you're older than me and that I should treat you well."


Taeil eyed the boy. He was tall nearly just as tall as Jihoon, and had striking features, "Okey?"


The tall boy smiled, "The younger should pour the elders drinks," he poured soju into the shot-glas and offered it to Taeil, "My name is Minsoo! Treat me well too, hyung."



Taeil sat in silence as everyone talked with each other and kept on drinking to avoid any kind of conversation - which Jihoon noticed pretty quickly.


"Hey," he said nudging his shoulder, "Are you ok?"


"Did you tell everyone about us?"


Jihoon hesitated for a while, "Shouldn't I?"


"I don't know?" Taeil sighed, "But maybe you shouldn't tell the world without asking me first, especially to those I don't even know."


Jihoon looked hurt and Taeil couldn't help but feel guilty.


"Calm down," it was Minhyuk, scooting closer to the two, "They're all ok with me and Yukwon so they're ok with you as well."


Taeil looked away, "I didn't mean it like that..."


"Of course we're ok with it!" Minho spoke up, "We have nothing against gay people!"


Gay people. That word still made Taeil's heart ache with doubt. He wasn't gay. He didn't think of himself as a gay person. Doing this with Jihoon didn't mean he was 100% gay. He had liked girls ever since he was young, Jihoon was the first guy.


"Jihoon," Taeil said, "Can you show me to the bathroom?"


The younger looked at him with a look Taeil couldn't read, "Ok."


They left the room and the others started on a drinking game, speaking in loud voices.


As they reached the end of a small corridor Jihoon stopped, "Here it is," he said as he eyed the shorter carefully.


Taeil didn't move, "Jihoon," he started, "Did you tell them that I'm gay? That we're a gay couple?"


Jihoon shifted uncomfortably under Taeil's gaze.


"When I'm happy, things like that just sort of slip out.. without me really noticing,"


Taeil sighed in annoyance, "I don't like people knowing!" he hissed, "And I'm not gay! I never thought about guys in that way before I met you."


Jihoon walked closer to him, "I never said anything about you being gay to them,"


"But obviously they think so?! I HATE that label and I hate having no privacy, you know that Jihoon. Why couldn't you just introduce me like your new friend or something? We've not even seen each other for that long?"


"I know!" Jihoon raised his voice, "I know, Taeil! Sorry that I wanted people to know about the guy I've fallen in love with?! I know you've never been with a guy before me, but for how long are you going to hide everything about us? Aren't you happy as well? Why does it only seem like you're ashamed of everything all the time? Ashamed of me?"


Taeil glared at the other, "Do you think this is easy?"


Jihoon inhaled harshly, looking at the other with pleading eyes.


"It's everything but easy!" Taeil continued, "I'm still not sure if I can do this! Sure, you make me calm and secure, but this, getting all out in public, will never ever happen Jihoon."


Taeil saw the tears build up in the younger's eyes and tried to ignore it, "I don't feel ok around these people, I don't fucking know them. And you hurt me by telling them about us, whatever it is we have," he threw his hands around, gesticulating furiously.


Jihoon eyes was locked with Taeil's, face tense. He opened his mouth to speak in a silent voice,


"Then what do you want?" he asked, "Maybe it's best for you if we stop this, whatever it is we're doing," he quoted, "You never wanted this from the beginning, did you? I know you only kiss and touch me whenever you feel sad and angry, which is - in a way - a tool to use me, just like you said. I didn't feel bothered by it since I like you so much, but if that's the only thing you want from me, without the real feelings there, then we should stop and say goodbye to each other now."


"What?" Taeil's heart had gone from racing hot in anger to ice cold in pain.


"I'm sorry for dragging you into this Taeil." Jihoon finished, this time unable to hide the hurt as hot tears spilled over.


Taeil felt lightheaded, " no, Jihoon that's not," he stepped closer to the other, "I don't want us to break up, I ju-"


"Break up?" Jihoon hissed, "You just preached about us not even being in a relationship!"


Taeil's vision was getting blurry, "No! Jihoon it's.. it's just that I don't kno-"


"Are you even in love with me?"


It felt as if all the air was taken out of his lungs as he heard the question. Love. The word that scared him the most. Feelings, he'd always ignored them, pushing them away to protect himself. He liked Jihoon, but did he love him? He opened his mouth, trembling and spoke;


"I-I don't k-know,"


"Do you know anything?" Jihoon said under his breath, clearly defeated.


Pain. Rejection. It was all coming again.


Jihoon took a deep breath, charging up his energy to turn and leave.


"No, please. Jihoon-" Taeil grabbed the taller's arm.


"What?!" Jihoon screamed, startling both himself and Taeil.


The pain in Jihoon's eyes got to him,


"Don't.. go,"

Jihoon gently removed his wrist from Taeil's hand before he continued walking down the corridor.


"Please!" Taeil shouted, voice cracking, "P-please...oh my god" he couldn't stand straight, the pain in his chest was becoming too much, too painful, "Don't leave me alone,"


Jihoon stopped, looking back at him.


"Everyone abandoned me! I've always been alone!" the older shouted as he sank down on the floor, "I can't take this," he sniffed and brought his knees to his chest.


Jihoon swallowed as he approached him.


"I'm afraid," the older whispered, "Of everything."


Jihoon dried the tears away from his cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt and kneeled down in front of the other.


"I never meant to hurt you," Taeil continued in a pained, hushed voice, "I just can't handle myself,"


Taeil brought his head up to meet Jihoon's eyes, "Love is a very big word to me," he sighed, "I've never dared to use it, think about it, yet again say it. So I really do not know," he paused, "But I do like you... or else I wouldn't have done those things with you."


Jihoon run his hands through his hair, he didn't say anything as he pulled Taeil into a hug.


"I'm sorry for hurting you," Taeil mumbled into Jihoon's shirt.


Jihoon smiled against his head, "And I'm sorry for exposing you,"


Taeil sniffed and snuggled against the younger's chest.


"You need to fix that temper of yours,"


"No I don't."



~ ~



"Ok, take one of the sticks," Minhyuk said and placed the jar holding 10 wooden chopsticks in the middle of their circle. Surrounding the jar was also 6 different bowls filled with beer, wine and soju.


They all bent forward to grab a stick and hid it from each other.


"Who's the king?" Jiho shouted with a large smile, and Taejoon rose his hand.


"I'm the king!!"


He smirked as he eyed everyone, "Number 3 and 7!"


Curses were heard from Yukwon and Kyung as their showed their numbers.


Taejoon laughed, "Ok! Who in this room would you like to have sex with? Answer or drink one bowl of wine!" everyone, excluding Yukwon, Kyung and Minhyuk laughed loudly.


"Except for Minhyuk?" Yukwon asked, hoping he would be included.


"Well, of course? It wouldn't be fun if you choosed your boyfriend." Taejoon huffed, "Drink or talk."


Kyung, being pretty tipsy, pointed to his left, "I choose Jiho!"


Whistles and cheers were heard, and Taejoon clapped his hands proudly.


"Why me?!" Jiho exclaimed and punched Kyung's shoulder.


"Because we're best friends?" Kyung winked, "And... You have a nice body,"


"You little shit..." Jiho muttered and glared at his friend.


Taeil was laughing along as well, Jihoon sitting beside him trying to catch his breath.


"Have you decided yet Yukwon?" Minho nudged the silent boy.


Minhyuk was giving everyone death-glares as Yukwon thought about it hard.


"Um, maybe.. um, maybe Minsoo?"


The tall boy screamed in victory and threw himself in Yukwon's embrace.


"Get off him, idiot." Minhyuk cursed and pushed the younger boy off his boyfriend.


"Hahaha, no need to be jealous babe," Yukwon flashed his best smile and gave his boyfriend a kiss.


They gathered the sticks together again, mixing them, each grabbing a new one.


"I'm the king!" Jihoon howled, "Number 1 and 10!"


"For fucks sake, why is it always me?!" Kyung swore and smacked his stick on the floor.


Jiho swore as well as he showed the rest his stick, clearly marked with a big black '10'.


The crowd cheered as Minho leaned forward to whisper something in Jihoon's ear. Jihoon burst into laughter and nodded, smirking like the devil himself.


"Share a ten second long kiss or drink!"


Screams of joy exploded and Jiho stood up, "NO!! NEVER!"


"Then down one of the bowls of soju!" Minho laughed.


Kyung had his head in his hands, "If I drink that I will die! I'm not kidding."


"Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!!"


"Fuck this, seriously," Jiho groaned, defeated, sitting down beside Kyung, "Don't give me that look, you greasy shit and close your eyes."


"As you wish sir," Kyung chuckled and closed his eyes.


Yukwon, Jihoon, Taejoon and Hyoseob all took their phones up, pressing play to get every little detail on video as Jiho leaned closer and kissed Kyung full on the lips.


Minho started the countdown amongst the cheering,


"1... 2... 3...4..."


"Wow, they look good together," Minsoo said and got a nice middle finger shown to his face from Jiho.


"5... 6..."


Kyung smirked and opened his mouth a little, making Jiho release a disgusted groan of protest and Taeil leaned onto Yukwon, laughing hysterically.


"7... 8..."


"Couple of the year!" Hyoseob joked as well.


"9... 10!"


At the last second, Kyung pulled his tongue out and gave a good lick on Jiho's lips.


"AAAAAH FUCK YOU!!!" Jiho screamed and shoved his friend away from him.


Kyung laughed proudly and high fived everyone.


5 minutes later the laughter had died out and they continued the game. This time Kyung was the king, much to his own happiness and choosed number 5 and 6 - which turned out to be Jihoon and Minho.


"Ok, now, let's continue the kissing!" he said, "Kiss or drink!"


The boys laughed as the friends leaned in without hesitation, placing a wet kiss on each other's mouths.


Taeil pouted, "You seem to like it," he muttered.


Jihoon giggled, enjoying Taeil's jealousy, "You're the better kisser,"


"Yah!" Minho slapped Jihoon's thigh, "How do you know? We've never kissed properly!"


"And you never will!!" Taeil shouted and new fits of laughter broke out.

Chapter Text

About a month later Taeil had texted Jihoon, asking him if he could come to his apartment later that day. Maybe he'd written the text too serious, since Jihoon answered within seconds with worry, asking if something happened. Taeil had smiled, but answered back that no, he just wanted to talk.


He had become more at ease around the younger as the time had gone by, he also talked to Jihoon's friends a lot more. To his own surprisement he and Jiho had gotten a lot closer, finding out they had things in common. More surprising though was that Jihoon didn't like it at all, even throwing a fit, screaming at Jiho for stealing his boyfriend about a week ago after a few glasses of beer.


Boyfriend. The word no longer made Taeil terrified or uncertain, and that was why he had boosted up his courage, taking the decision to open up to Jihoon. He had dragged this out long enough and he felt like he needed to tell Jihoon, at least something. Their "relationship" was getting close to seven months and they were going forward slower than ever. Mainly, Taeil thought, was because he himself was too afraid to open up.


Jihoon didn't ask for sex, not any intimacy at all to be completely honest. He didn't ask him questions about his past anymore, nor did he act lovey-dovey with him in front of his friends. He had changed, probably thinking that was what Taeil wanted. But everything just made Taeil insecure, since that was not how it all had started. Maybe he was tired of not getting anywhere, tired of Taeil being afraid and so easily getting irritated.


Taeil had started to regret a lot of things and now when he seeked attention, more affection, Jihoon didn't give it to him. Some days ago they cuddled while watching a movie, and Taeil had started kissing Jihoon's neck, slowly trying to take it further but Jihoon had stopped him saying he didn't have to, and smiled that loving smile Taeil's heart had growned to really like.



After a while it was a knock on the door and Taeil flew up from the couch, taking a deep breath before opening it.


He was met by Jihoon's gleaming face, "Hi babe,"


Taeil smiled, feeling nauseous by how nervous he was.


Jihoon closed the door behind him, "What's up? Are you sure you're ok? You look kinda.." he put a hand on Taeil's forhead, "No fever?"


"I'm not sick," Taeil rolled his eyes and motioned for Jihoon to come inside, "Want tea or something?"


"Sure! If you still got the green mango?"


They both went into the bright kitchen and Taeil started the water boiler.


"Are you sure you're ok?" Jihoon repeated, concerned.


"YES!" Taeil laughed, "Don't worry, I just wanted to talk about a few things with you."


"You're not moving away are you?"




"Did you find a girlfriend?"


Taeil raised an eyebrow, "No."


"Are you dating Jiho?"


"What?! No!"


Jihoon smirked, "I'm kidding,"


"You're not kidding."


The boiler gave off a click, declaring the water boiled and Jihoon took down the light pink cup with checkered pattern he'd grown to love from the cupboard, also the large black cup with a rottweiler print he knew was Taeil's favorite.


"Here," he said and Taeil poured water into the cups and lowered down the teabags.


They headed back into the living room and sat down on the couch. Taeil was slightly shaking, nervous for what he was about to tell.


"Jihoon," he started, getting the younger's attention. "I need to talk about some thing."


Jihoon nodded, eyes fully focused on him.


Taeil took a deep breath, "I think I should tell you about what's been going on in my life."


Jihoon's face turned serious, "You don't have to, you know that, I can wait,"


"It's ok Jihoon, I don't want to wait anymore," he swallowed, "I feel like I need to tell you because I feel like you've been drifting away from me."


"Huh? I've never-"


Taeil smiled, "Don't worry, just let me talk now ok?"


Jihoon nodded and looked at the other carefully.


"First off, I have big problems with trusting people which you've obviously noticed. I can't open myself up, because I feel everything is just going to get thrown back at me. People have always left me behind, not caring at all or just chosen somebody else over me," he started, "No, I don't have a good relationship with my family. My dad hit me a lot, even though my mum protested. I thought my mum cared for me because of that, but when I needed her she was never there, she didn't want to. I have a little brother too, and he was their favorite, always getting attention first being the good kid he was. He's the only one I can say I love from my family, since he was the only one that wanted to talk to me."


Jihoon took his hand, giving it a squeeze as Taeil's voice cracked, but the older held his pose and continued;


"Maybe because of that I threw myself into alcohol and music. Me and my best friend, who also had problems at home was always with me, stealing beer, chasing girls and taking trains back and forth to see our favorite bands live shows. Even though we were punks, I could talk with him about anything."


He paused, pain shooting through his chest.


"We planned on going abroad together after graduation, but in the end he went by himself without me. I got hurt, but he told me he would wait for me and I believed him. But after some time he changed, loving his new life there without me and in time we stopped talking. The other guys we hang around with also stopped contacting me and I was left alone. After I lost him, I sort of went through a deep sorrow and didn't come out of it until a few months ago."


He looked at Jihoon and saw the tears the younger tried so hard to hold back, all to appear strong for him.


"You remember before Kyung's party when I called you to come over earlier?"


The younger nodded.


"Before that, I met him by accident in the store."


"That friend?"


"Yes. He was there with a foreign girl and he saw me."


"Did you talk to him?"


"Kind of. He made fun of me and think I swore at him before I ran away, I can't really remember. That's when I called you."


Jihoon looked horrified as the past event got an explanation.


"Is that's why you were so..?"


Taeil nodded, "I hoped to never see him again."


"I'm sorry," Jihoon whispered.


"Why are you sorry? You didn't know anthing."


Jihoon shrugged, "I'm just sorry for you, and everything you've been through."


"I don't want anyone to pity me, that's partly why I don't tell people about it," Taeil stated, "I just wanted you to know."


Jihoon looked at him with those eyes.


Taeil sighed, "I said don't feel sorry for me."


"You're not contacting your parents at all?" the younger asked.


Taeil shook his head, "Not really. My brother sends me a message a few times a month, and mum calls me on my birthdays."


"What about your dad?"


Taeil snorted, "Haven't talked to him since I moved out from there."


Jihoon looked hurt, "How can a family do that?"


"People have it worse than me at home though," Taeil said, "I don't mind being away from my parents since I haven't felt like their son since I was 5 years old."


Jihoon fell silent, intertwining their fingers.


"That's all," Taeil looked down at their hands, "that I wanted to say."


He exhaled and smiled to himself as Jihoon pulled him into his arms.


"Thank you for telling me," he whispered, kissing the smaller's head.


Taeil let himself be hugged, staying in the embrace for a minutes. Jihoon was caressing his back in soothing motions as Taeil hugged him closely around the neck, one hand tracing through the blond thick hair.


"There's another thing I want to talk about, Jihoon," Taeil said quietly.




He straightened up, sitting on Jihoon's lap facing him, "It's about us,"


Jihoon looked confused, "About us?"


Taeil looked at him, "I know you like me and all but lately you've... well, we don't get intimate anymore," he felt the embarrassment coloring his cheeks, "Why?"


Jihoon hesitated, "I didn't think you..,"


"Is it because of me?"


Jihoon pouted, "I though you didn't want to. That we were already taking it too far,"


"Maybe I did, but what about you? Do you still want to, you know..?"


"Taeil," he sighed, "Forcing myself to try not to touch you everytime wasn't a piece of cake!" he smiled, "Of course I still want to touch my boyfriend, why wouldn't I?"


"Ok," Taeil bit his lip, "Because, um, I'm ready."


Jihoon eyed him carefully.


"I'm ready to take this to the next level," Taeil continued, "I'm not afraid anymore."


Jihoon stroked his cheek, "Taeil, you don't need to do this because of me,"


"I'm not!" he answered, placing his own hand of top of Jihoon's on his cheek, "I'm serious, I want to. Maybe not tonight, but I'm ready."


"Really?" Jihoon still didn't looked convinced.




Then Jihoon smiled and Taeil smiled back, hugging his boyfriend tightly once again and somehow it felt different - there was an energy of excitement building up inside him and he giggled, pullling back to place a sweet kiss on Jihoon's lips.


"Maybe we should re-heat the tea," he said and Jihoon laughed.


"I totally forgot about it!"

Chapter Text

Jihoon was giggling to himself beside Jiho and Kyung who was in the middle of a discussion he couln't care less about. The school cafeteria was always lively and loud during lunchtime, but Jihoon couldn't hear them at all, totally emerged in his own dreamland.


"Yah, snap out of it already," Jiho muttered, "It creeps me out, seeing you all dazed with that stupid smile on your face."


Jihoon just smiled up to his friend.


"Something happened with Taeil, didn't it?" Kyung asked with a raised eyebrow.


Jihoon nodded.


"Well? Spill it!"


"He opened up to me," Jihoon answered, another giggle escaping his mouth, "and his smiling face is too cute!"


Kyung rolled his eyes, "Can't you have a normal crush without acting like a 13 year old girl obsessing over an idol?"


"Says the one who acts all greasy and thinks everyone's in love with him," Jiho sighed, "Good thing he finally opened up to you, Jihoon-ah."


Jihoon grinned, "Thanks hyung."


Kyung glared at Jiho, "I'm not greasy."


"Try to convince yourself that,"


"I'm not!"


"Do you know you get even more greasy when you're drunk?" Jihoon asked, "Like when you licked Jiho-hyung's face just because you thought he looked pretty."


"No! That was for, you know-"


"Because you wanted to?" Jihoon pushed.


Kyung slammed his hands against the table, "NO! Fucks sake, kids can't take jokes!"


"Can we please not talk about that incident?" Jiho said sharply and put his book down, "I'm trying to erase it from my life, so don't bring it up. Ever."


Jihoon laughed and Kyung looked at his best friend, "Was it that disgusting?"


Jiho met the other's eyes, "Well, would you like someone licking your face?"


Jihoon laughed and Kyung snorted, "Well I have class, bye idiots."


The two waved and Jihoon scooted closer to the other, "Hyung?"




"Does Kyung like you?"


Jiho furrowed his brows, "What are you on about?"


Jihoon shrugged, "I don't know, just thought I sensed something, but never mind."


"Wait, what do you mean by sensing something?"


Jihoon laughed, "The way he looks at you."


"Are you seriously consindering Kyung, our horny friend who loves women, having a crush on me?"


"Well, you never know. Things can change, you know."


Jiho looked at the younger with a puzzled gaze.


Jihoon smiled, "Forget what I said, hyung. I just wondered in case he had told you something. I'm going to take some more coffee, then it's time for our class right?"


Jiho nodded and stood up to collect his things, "Kyung liking me?" he muttered, "Bullshit," he rolled his eyes and walked over to Jihoon, heading to class.




Jaehyo eyed his workmate suspiciously, "Seriously, stop smiling. It doesn't suit you."


Taeil raised an eyebrow and smiled even bigger, just to tease him.


Jaehyo shivered, "Terrifying!"


"I am terrifying."


"Very..," the taller rolled his eyes, "It's just unusual seeing you like this. You look like a fucking psycho who just got released from prison," he dodged the hit Taeil aimed for his shoulder, "Stop fucking hitting me!"


"Don't try to say you don't deserve it, because you do."


Jaehyo shrugged, "Going good with your boyfriend I presume?"


Taeil nodded.


Jaehyo smiled, "So he is your boyfriend now?"


"Yes," Taeil said with judging eyes as Jaehyo smirked at him.


"Well congrats on finally accepting yourself."




Jaehyo sighed, "Never thought you'd turn out to be gay," he put a comforting hand the shorter's shoulder and went out to the lounge to clear some tables.


"Accepting myself?" Taeil frowned, "Accepting what?"




Jiho stood in the hall, swearing loudly at the stupid level in Candy Crush he'd been stuck on for ages. He'd promised Kyung to grab some food when school ended, and was now waiting for him to end his acting lesson.


"Fucking stupid piece of shit!!" he hissed just as Kyung got out of the classroom.


"Playing Candy Crush again are we?"


Jiho looked up, "Yeah, but I'm about to give up,"


"You should've given up months ago,"


"Probably," Jiho said, turning off the game and put the phone inside his back pocket, "So what do you want to eat?"




Jiho lit up, "Let's go!"


They walked the way to their favorite place. Jiho had lost count on how many times they'd been eating at this place, the owner even called them by their first names. They were the owner's wife's favorite guests, especially Kyung with his cheesy lines and smiles, which was a good thing since they got discount every single time.


They got their food quickly and Kyung winked to the wife, who giggled in return, wishing them a good meal time.


They began sweeping down the food immediately, slurping & chewing, sharing recent news and rumours here and there - and the food was gone within ten minutes.


Jiho eyed his friend for a moment, "Hey, Kyung?"




"Funny thing, but Jihoon asked me something today," he began, shifting on his chair.


Kyung looked at him, "Ok?"


"Yeah, um, it's quite awkward but he asked me if," Jiho paused.




"He asked me if you liked me?"


Kyung's facial expression didn't change, "Of course I do, we're best friends?"


Jiho sighed, "More than just a friend, Kyung."


"Oh," he said simply, "Why did he ask that?"


"I don't know? He said he had sensed something,"


Kyung gave him a faint smile but stayed silent.


Jiho's eyes widened, "Kyung, are you? I mean, is it-"


"I'm not in love with you, Jiho," Kyung answered, "But yeah, I guess our maknae did sense something in some way,"


"W-what do you mean?"


Kyung met his eyes, "Well, I kind of blushed when we kissed at the party, though no one actually saw it because I was already red from the alcohol," a laugh left his mouth, "I was so damn embarrassed but your lips felt kinda nice you know?"


Jiho stared at him with an open mouth, unable to find words.


Kyung continued, "I don't think it's a crush. But maybe I'm... slightly interested?"


A shock hit Jiho and the look in Kyung's eyes told him he himself hadn't expected to be revealing this any time soon. But it wasn't a confession, right? Or?


"Um, ok," Jiho scratched his eyebrow, "Can I ask you some questions then?"




"And answer thruthfully,"


Kyung sighed, "Yeees."


Jiho nodded and took a deep breath, "Do you have any urge at all to kiss me again?"


Kyung snorted, "Jiho that's-"


Jiho gave him an angry point of finger, "You said to answer,"


The smaller regretted agreeing on this, regretted going out to eat at all and put his head into his hands on the table, "Sometimes," he muttered into his hands, "When you look sleepy or when you're dazing out thinking about something,"


Jiho gaped, "What the fuck?"


"Well you asked!" Kyung protested.


"Ok ok, sorry! Another thing then," Jiho looked at Kyung's hidden face, "What about sex? Are you thinking about hav-?"


"No Jiho," Kyung mumbled and raised his head, "I'm not jerking off thinking about you,"


"That's not what I asked."


"It's the same thing!" Kyung said, "Look, I may want to kiss you again, but that will probably only happen once we're drunk. Wanting to kiss you also doesn't mean I want your cock pounding in and out my asshole."


Jiho choked on his own spit and coughed, "WHY do you always go one step too far?!"


Kyung shrugged, "Well, that's gay sex you know."


"I know," Jiho said and slowly raised an eyebrow, "Wait. You're a bottom?"


Kyung glared at him, and Jiho started laughing like a maniac, "Oh my god!"


"I'm leaving," Kyung sighed and stood up to walk away.


Jiho tried to get his breathing under control, but was still grinning like crazy, "Aw, sorry. Don't leave me dear boyfriend!"