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The Secret Life of Superheroes

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1. Tony Stark was once abducted by a set of his armor that had fallen in love with him, and once discarded missed having him inside of him.

I'm not making this up. It happened.

2. Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver had an incestous relationship in the Ultimate Universe, and not only that but Wolverine once watched them do it.

3. Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent do look similar, and that is in universe understanding, not just poor artistry. There has been several characters, including Deathstroke who has mixed the two of them up. Superman has also been able to take up the Batman mantle because of their similar frame. The results were hilarious. Superman has also taken over the throne of hell after Lucifer abdicated, and once fought the terminator. Obviously each of these would be their own one shot, that or somehow make it a one shot with mini one shots inside???

4. Loki was the one who showed Deadpool the Fourth Wall

5. Wonder Woman once had a job at a fast food restaurant for a few months. She was Employee of the Month at Taco Whiz, even though she often had to skip shifts to go save the world.

6. Tony stark once flipped personalities and became evil. He then proceeded to turn the entire population of San Francisco super-hot and super-attractive. (I don't know about you guys, but like that doesn't really seem too evil to me? Damn it Tony make me hot too!)

7. Ok, this one is really really sad one, but, Rock Raccoon used to be a very kindly genetically modified therapy animal tending to a planet of lunatics. His anger stems from having his memory wiped of that place and his loved ones still out there. It's kinda sad because his purpose in life is to be part of a healing process, but the universe is kind of too brutal to accommodate that. Without giving too much away, the memory wipe was necessary to avery a catastrophe. Rocket's a bigger hero than most people know.

8. Cyclop's optic blast comes from another dimension. So basically, his eyes are freaking portals from another universe or something that is constantly just shooting out a laster? And the portal opens whenever he opens his eyes. Which has led to the speculation that if lasers come out of his eyes, what if one day something else came out of his eyes that wasn't quite a laser?

9. Tony Stark didn't originally didn't have an Arc Reactor, but a huge freaking metal chest plate. His entire rib cage was basically gone. And he needed to charge it every 24 hours or he would die. The way he met Happy Hogan was that he was off being Iron Man then got into a street face, but because he's Tony Freaking Stark he ended up crashing because he about to almost die. Happy pulled him out of the wreckage and Tony demanded that he take him to the nearest hotel room so that he could plug himself in, and not like die. Happy obliged and Tony offered him $10,000 dollars as a Reward. And for the rest of the freaking Series, Happy hung around as a pointless loaf of an employee and Tony's friend. TLDR; Tony owns Happy a life debt, has a lot more iron than you'd expect.

10. In the early issues of Spider-Man, he usually lost his powers to the common cold of all things. During one of these phases he thought blackwidow. This was the first issue when she was shown using her black costume, which apparently a lot of people at the time hated. Anyways, he lost.

Also, quite a few issues addressed drug addiction and how it screws up your life up. Harry Osborn had a really bad acid trip and addiction in which writers used this little rough patch as one of the reasons why he became the green goblin.

Also, in one Spider-Man from an alternate dimension. He gave MJ cancer with his radioactive Jizz. Yeah, this is why you guys use a condom.

The famous "with great power comes great responsibility" was never actually said by Uncle Ben, but it was said by the Amazing Fantasy #15 Narrator

11. The Punisher wears white Boots sometimes.

12. Rogue's a Lawyer.

13. Professor X has a space girlfriend he'd hook up with telepathically. Like damn Professor X, that kinky.

14. There is a Superman Story where Kal El's pod lands in Gotham and is adopted by the Wayne Family leading to Kal El to actually becoming Batman but at the same time having the same powers as Superman.

15. Matter-Eater Lad can eat anything that is matter, from stun beams to an entire galaxy at super speed.

16. Superman and Muhammad Ali got in a fight, Ali knocked him out.

17. Black Panther as you all know is the ruler of Wakanda. Based on certain panels it is calculated that Wakanda's entire GDP based solely on the worth of it's Vibranium is well over $90 Trillion. And that's just the amount that was used in Captain America's shield and not any of his other exports. Meaning that he is freaking richer than Batman and Tony Stark. Combined.

18. Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff) and Vision got married. They had a joint wedding with a woman who was marrying a tree spirit. However since Vision is an android, she used magic to make twin babies out of a demon's soul. Then those babies soul's were harvested, and reincarnated into two boys who look alive but are biologically in two different families. One is a gay semi-god-like wizard while the other is a white haired ex-juvie speedster. Also out of pure freaking concidence, their families happened to name them the same names that Wanda named them. Not to mention that her and Quicksilver are Magneto's children, but the comics retconned that because Marvel didn't have the rights to Magneto. They kept it that way in the x-men movies however though. Needless to say, there is a lot of things that can be done with this little unusual family of their's.

19. When Deadpool was initially in The New Mutants and X-Force comics, he was nothing like he was now. He was just another generic ninja/assassin character that virtually had no personality.

20. There is an established alternate universe in which Tony Stark was born a woman named Natasha Stark and married to Captain America. The Civil war never happened in that universe, presumably because they were adults who actually communicated effectively with each other. Basically, the whole Civil War could have been avoided by Tony and Steve being gayer with one another.

21. Archie was once targeted for death by the punisher due to a wacky misunderstanding.

22. Kyle Rayner, one of the five Earth-based Green Lanterns has a villian called Major Force who once killed his girlfriend (as in Kyle's girlfriend) and stuffed her into a fridge for him to find.

Also, same Kyle. Pretty much became a God on two different occasions.

23. This is Earth-1610, not Earth-616.

Let me tell you about Robert Bruce Banner. This is a clone Hulk made by Gregory Stark, Tony's older brother. He has an older brother in this universe apparently. Anyways. This Hulk has Hulk's strength, and Banner's intelligence. He is also known as NERD HULK! He is much weaker than the normal hulk due to predictability? The hulk is unpredictable, the brains make him predictable. He had some adventures and then ended up working for a Vampire King named Anthony. He got pissed at him and then underminded Anthony's leadership and became


24. Ms. Marvel gives birth to her... boyfriend?

25. Wolverine becomes Feral for a while, and then without really any explaination, is suddenly not feral?

26. The Sentry Meets his maker.

27. Thanos kills half the universe in order to woo, Death.

28. Arm-Fall-Off Boy. I would explain more. But I mean, his superhero title is enough of an explaination in itself.

29. Brother Power The Geek, An reanimated Hippie Mannequin. While only featured in two issues, he did a lot of zany stuff within those two issues.

30. Cosmo the Superpowered dog. Formally a Soviet Test animal for their space program during the 50's and 60's. During the 1960's Cosmo was sent into space and drifts to an alien space station named Knowhere, where he proceeds to grain the powers of telekenesis, telepathy, and supreme intellect. At one point he fought alongside the Guardians of the galaxy and stands for Truth, Justice, and Chew toys.

31. Danny, the Living Street. An entire street, that is sentient. He is a thinking piece of pavement. He was created by the kooky Grant Morrison. If any of ya'll are familiar with Comic books then you have heard of him. Anyways, this was his wacky take on the drag performer Danny La Rue. Anyways, Danny, the Living Street can integrate himself into the geography of any city without people noticing. He speaks via window signs of shops that line his uh... body? He's actually considered a super hero in the DC universe of sorts. Becoming a full fledge member of the teen titans, possess powers such as teleportation, and is also a transvestite.

32. Snowflame. A drug-fueled Supervillian. Who's day job is as a Columbian Drug Lord. He gains his powers by snorting large amounts of cocaine. His powers include super-strength, and the ability to burn with a white flame, hence his so called villian name.

33. Professor X Mind Melds with a Pigeon.

34. Let me first state, that nonconsensual sex as a plot device is honestly a never a good idea. Which brings us to Nightwing #93. Surrounding the former Robin, now Nightwing. Dick Grayson. During this issue he has been training the up and coming heroine, Tarantula. Anyways, to make a long story short. Tarantula put a bullet in a guy's head and then raped an exhausted and practically almost passed out Nightwing despite his protests for her to stop the entire time. The creator of the comic Devin Grayson tried to play it off as it being some important sexy moment honestly appauled me. Not to mention the fact that they never really addressed the whole thing about what exactly that sort of thing did to Nightwing. Male victims of sexual abuse and rape often go through a lot of the same things as female victims but they rarely ever get the justice they deserver or any treatment for what they went through. This wouldn't really focus on the actual event itself while it will be mentioned, more on the afterman of suffering such a thing and him finally seeking out help about it.

35. Gwen Stacy cheats on Spider-Man with the Green Goblin.

36. Squirrel Girl defeats Thanos.

37. Mockingbird is saved by Mer-Corgis. You heard me. Half Mermaid, Half Corgi.

38. There's Another Clark Kent, in the same universe as Superman Clark Kent. Literally everything is the same, the only thing is, this one is just Clark Kent. No Powers, he's not even superman. Just.. Clark Kent.

39. In one arc, Captain America is actually an Agent of Hydra.

40. Bat Baby. A mad Sceintist uses a ray on Batman turning him into a 4 year boy. But this doesn't stop Batman from trying to fight crime.

41. Superman's Power to shoot Mini Superman's from his hands.

42. Superman shoots a porno.

43. Batman gets Batgirl Pregnant.

44. The Hulk, makes his debut at the circus?

45. Captain America does drugs.

46. Dr. Doom. The first Super Villian to get his own cooking show.

47. During the 1940's. The term boner simply meant error. Needless to say, this got used a lot within Marvel and DC comic book back then.

48. Captain America's deput to the comic book world involved him punching Hitler in the face, I don't know about you guys. But that's pretty awesome.

49. Aunt May ends up marrying... DR. OCTOPUS????

50. Lex Luthor becomes President of the U.S.

51. Scarlet Witch kills Hawkeye, Vision, and Jack Of Harts, then manipulates Tony Stark so that he feels pissed and embarks on a torrid fake affair with Captain America.

52. Black Canary gets Pregnant, and Harley Quinn helps her up cause she has a secret child with the Joker that Mr. J doesn't know about.

53. Spiderman reveals his Secret identity

54. Blackwidow Seduces and Manipulates Hawkeye

55. The Joker makes Superman kill Lois Lane, who is pregnant with his child by drugging him so that he hallucinates that Lane was Doomsday. Superman reacts but literally going Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and smashes his hand into Joker's chest, ripping his heart out while Batman just stands there watching in horror.

56. Hawkeye loses his hearing.

57. Foggy Nelson has Cancer

58. Captain America turns into a Werewolf and fights Wolverine

59. Captain America has basically dated the whole Carter Family.

69. Trickshot and Hawkeye are brothers.

61. Deadpool has a daughter named Eleanor.

62. Hawkeye becomes the first Marvel Hero to join the Justice League

63. Deadpool is a Proud Canadian, and yet despite all of this. His favorite superhero is Captain America.

64. Deadpool's only fear is of Cows. This is never really explained why in the comics. It would be interesting to do a story as to how he got this fear?

65. Hawkeye was first introduced as a villian.

66. Amongst the Hulk's many powers are a couple of unique abilities that aren’t as well publicized including the ability to breathe underwater via a specialized gland and the ability to see ghosts, which made him one of the few characters able to see Doctor Strange in his astral form.

67. In one version of the Hulk, whenever Bruce Banner would transform into the hulk, he would still have his human head. which looked weird on his hulk body, forcing for him to have to wear a Hulk Mask.

68. Tony Stark Owns Area 51

69. It's pretty well known that Thor and Hulk don't get along well with teach other, but his rivarly with Wolverine is even worse. Hulk once ripped Wolvy in half.

70 In the comics, Falcon can actually talk to birds, though they took this ability out in the movie version opting to just give him a wing suit, also his drone Redwing was an actual bird in the comics.

71. In one universe. Batman's parents didn't die. Bruce, himself was shot by the mugger while his parents looked on in horror. This caused for the disgruntled and angry father to end up becoming Batman, while his mother Martha went insane and became the Joker.

72. In one of the rarest crossovers between Marvel and DC. Batman and Wolverine were merged into a characters known as Logan Wayne, a.k.a Dark Claw.

73. Black Panther is a member of the Illuminati. However, the Illuminati in the Marvel Universe isn't quite the same one that we have in this world. In the Marvel universe, the Illuminati are a secret group of the World's smartest heroes. After the Kree-Skrull war, Iron Man gathers all of them to make a government of Superheroes. They decide the fate of the world in many ways and are an integral part of the incursion event leading up to the Marvel's big Secret Wars event.

74. Black Widow is about as old as Captain America has. After the creation of Captain America, the soviets tried to create their own superhuman, to a mild success. Thus, Black Widow was born.

75. Professor X for a little bit did let normal humans attend his school, it didn't end well.

76.. For a While, Black Panther was Married to Storm from the X-Men. Now talk about a power couple.

77.. At one point, Batman was a Yellow Lantern.

78. Red Skull once got a hold with Professor X's brain and accomplished a lot with it... of course it wasn't really all good. I mean what do you expect. Red Skull is a Nazi after all.

79. In the Ultimate Marvel Universe, Colossus is Gay.

80. Early on in the comics, Professor X was revealed to be in love with a then-teenage Jean Grey. They quickly discontinued it and decided to go with the idea that Jean Grey was his daughter.

81. Emma Frost once used her powers to revert Wolverine's mind back to his child self. James Howlett (the name Wolverine was born with.) Lived a privileged life before his mutation's appearance. So Wolverine's child self hilariously spoke with a posh accent, and screamed at the sight of his own claws.

82. Mystique is the mother of Rogue and Nightcrawler.

83. Wonder woman once use Thor's Hammer in a Marvel Vs. DC Crossover and it was amazing.

Chapter Text



The lights come on as the camera starts to steam to the millions of viewers online tuning into the highly intensipated cooking show of the year. It was supposed to be the biggest newest live event.


"Hello and Welcome!!! My name is Victor Von Doom, and this is Cooking with a Sprinkle of Doom. Today we are going to be learning how to make Doomcakes. They are a little like pancakes, but with a special little twist." 


Meanwhile, at the Fantastic Four Tower. 

Johnny Storm couldn't believe what he was seeing. There was no way this was right. Victor Von Doom hosting a cooking show? Surely this must be a ruse and he was up to something. 

The other members of the Fantastic Four make their way over to see what Johnny was talking about, thinking it was going to be another god damn cat video, only to be met with Dr. Doom cooking. 

"The hell even is this?" Says Mr. Fantastic. 

"I don't know, but this doesn't seem anything look good." 

"The hell does he mean by Extra special twist?" Says the thing. 

"Well clearly he must be up to something. He must be up to something. Lets move out." Says Mr. Fantastic. 


Back at the super secret film set where Dr. Doom was filming. Victor was busy mixing up some of the batter for the doomcakes. "And now folks, for our extra, Arsenspecial ingredient."

Dr. Doom proceeds to reach under the counter to grab the extra special ingredient when an explosion goes off behind him. The wall caving in as the Fantastic Four burst through the door. "You've had the last straw Dr. Doom!" Says Mr. Fantastic. 

"The hell is going on he-" He says confused, unable to finish his sentence before being interrupted by the Human Torch. 

"Flame on!" Johnny bursts into a ball of flames and flies at Dr. Doom sending him flying into the other set wall, knocking it over. The people watching the stream live were losing it at the fight, thinking it was all part of the show and were finding the host's sudden beating to be hilarious. 

Dr. Doom starts to fight back, using his powers to electrify the utensils and send them back at the Fantastic four. From there an epic fight proceeds, things were being thrown, things smash, and in the end. Dr. Doom was left saying pinned in some rubble from the caved in roof. Groaning in his semi-concious state. 

"I think that should put an end to your nefarious plot." Says Mr. Fantastic. 

"What nefarious plot! This is a cooking show damnit!" says Dr. Doom. 

"But you said that you were adding a special ingredient." Says Johnny. "Just admit it. You are up to something. What's the special ingredient. Arsenic. Rat Poison. Uranium. Smallpox." He says questioning him. 

"no! Why the hell would i put that in there! It's fucking Yubari King Melons from Japan. They are super rare and expensive. Why the fuck would I put something like that in food! I'm not that fucking insane!" Shouts Victor. 

"Wait.. what... melon?" Says Susan. "that can't be right. "Fucking check for yourself. Though you probably ruined it when you attacked me unprovoked you nitwits. Now let me out of here." 

Mr. Fantastic reached over towards the counter only to pull out the now ruined melon. "oh I uh.. guess he was right." 

"Damn shit I was right!" He shouts angrily at them. "now get me out of here." 

The Thing pulls Dr. Doom out of the rubble. "Sorry about that." 

Dr. Doom grumbles. "Now if you excuse me. Would you leave my set." 

The fantastic four realizing their mistake quickly leave the set exiting and making their way off of it. 

Dr. Doom sighed realizing that he would not be able to continue the stream. "Well then.. I uh.. guess I should end the stream then.. .this has been uh.. more than a sprinkle of Doom it seems. See you guys next time." He says wiping blood from his mouth as he cuts off the stream and sighs. "Goddamnit. At least they didn't uncover my real plot." He says as he proceeds to remove a knife from the cutlery set, causing for a button to appear on the counter. And with a slam of his metal fist. He slams down on the button.