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Silent Cry

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“Roommates aren’t home, so I have the house all to myself today!” (Y/N) texted Sam, putting a little smiley face at the end of the message. She and Sam had only been going out for a little over two weeks. He didn’t need to know that it was a bad day. She didn’t want to scare him off.

When Sam saw the text that (Y/N)’s roommates weren’t home, and that she was going to be home alone all day, he decided he would come surprise her. Keep her company, so that she wouldn’t be so lonely. Hopping in his car, he drove the short distance to (Y/N)’s house, knocking on the door once he reached the front stoop. To his surprise, there was no noise from the inside. No footsteps coming to open the door, no music blaring, no… nothing. That was odd.

Hesitantly, Sam tried the doorknob, and it was open. As he walked inside, he called out, “(Y/N)? It’s me, Sam.” There was still no response. “Huh.” Sam mumbled to himself as he shut the door behind him, slipping his shoes off like he knew her roommates wanted.

That was when he heard something. It was a faint noise, but it was definitely there. It sounded like it was coming from upstairs. Maybe she was in her room, and that’s why she hadn’t heard him come in. With a grin, he started the trek upstairs. His eyebrows furrowed as the noise got louder as he continued up the stairs. Once he got to the top, there was no mistaking it: the sound was someone crying. (Y/N). His (Y/N), was sobbing. The bathroom door was open, and the light was on, so that was obviously where she was.

“(Y/N)?” Sam called softly, nervously looking down at himself before he started to slowly walk the few steps it was to the bathroom. He ran a hand through his shaggy hair, straightening his light blue shirt. “(Y/N), sweetheart?”

When Sam stepped in front of the bathroom door, his heart dropped down into his stomach. There she was, sitting in a white tshirt and a pair of black sweatpants. Her dark brown hair was sloppily pulled up into a bun, and there was blood everywhere. Her face was screwed up as she sobbed, showing the amount of extreme pain she was in. At first Sam had no idea what was going on, and then he saw it: a little piece of metal that she was clutching in her right hand. “Baby..” Sam whispered breathlessly, immediately dropping down to his knees in front of her.

Blinking back the tears that were forming in his own eyes, Sam held out his hand, making sure it was steady enough that she couldn’t tell he was shaking. “Hi beautiful girl.” He said softly, looking right at her in case she looked up to make eye contact with him. “(Y/N), my gorgeous girl… I’m right here. Please give it to me.”

When she looked up at him and their eyes met, Sam’s heart shattered. The amount of pain in her eyes was unlike anything he had ever seen before. Her cheeks were red and raw from the amount of tears that had gone down them, and how many times she had tried to wipe them away. But it wasn’t just that. There was fear in her eyes. The fear that she had just been caught. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.” Sam tried to reassure her softly. The last thing he wanted was for her to think she was in trouble because he had found her like this.

(Y/N) didn’t know what to do. She’d purposefully been acting like she was fine in her texts so that Sam wouldn’t come over, but then he had come over anyway. She had been caught. No one knew about this, not even her closest friends. Sam was one of the last people she wanted to know about this. What if he didn’t want to be with her anymore?

She barely listened to Sam’s words, not registering the fact that he was trying to soothe her, or reassure her, or the fact that he was continually calling her gorgeous. None of that was registering in her brain. She just knew Sam was there, and he was holding out his hand. “I – I’m not crazy!” She finally managed to sputter out, her voice choked from the tears that were still flowing freely down her face.

“Whoa, hey, I know you’re not.” Sam said, keeping his voice low and soothing. “I know you’re not crazy, baby girl.” Slowly, Sam reached for her hand, slowly prying it open to take the piece of metal from her grip. “You’re in pain, and that’s perfectly okay.”

As soon as the piece of metal was pried from her hands, she couldn’t hold it back anymore. With another broken sob, she flung herself into Sam’s arms, craving the warmth and the affection that came with his embrace. Burying her face in his shoulder, she was immediately comforted by his scent and heartbeat, along with the soothing sound of Sam’s voice coming from above her. “It’s okay.. Sh… Everything’s okay, my love…” He just kept repeating those little soothing reassurances over and over again, trying to calm her down.

It was a while before she finally was calm enough to breathe again, although her breaths were shaky and uneven. Sam pulled back a little bit, still keeping her in his lap, so that she knew he was still there. He gently touched her wrist for permission, and once it was granted, he pulled her arm away from where it was tucked into her chest to examine it. What he saw broke his heart all over again, but he didn’t let her see that. He kept his cool, grabbing some tissues to blot the blood that was starting to clot and dry out on her arm.

(Y/N) winced as Sam started to clean it up, and she looked away, ashamed of her actions. She wasn’t exactly ashamed of what she had done, but she was definitely ashamed of the fact that Sam was the one who was looking at it and was cleaning it up. That wasn’t something she had ever thought would happen. “I’m sorry…” She whispered quietly, continuing to look away.

Sam looked up sharply at (Y/N)’s words, and tucking a finger under her chin, he slowly brought her head back so she would look at him. “(Y/N), my love. There is no need to apologize to me.” After a moment of silence so that (Y/N) would realize how serious he was, Sam’s voice turned gentle again as he said softly, “You know, you are so gorgeous.”

Cheeks flushing pink, (Y/N) quickly turned her gaze away from Sam’s again. Sam continued working on her arms in silence, finally getting them all bandaged up. As soon as they were bandaged, (Y/N) went to pull them away, surprised when Sam continued to hold them there. “I’m not done yet.” Sam commented.

Eyebrows furrowing confusedly, (Y/N) watched him as he slowly brought one wrist up, tenderly kissing the inside of her wrist up to her elbow, where all of the cut marks stopped. At the first touch of his lips, (Y/N)’s breath hitched in her throat, and she held her breath without realizing it until his mouth moved away from her arm. Then he did the same with her other arm, and (Y/N) was so confused. She didn’t even know what to think. She shouldn’t be feeling like this, Sam shouldn’t be making her feel… beautiful. Worth something. That shouldn’t be happening, but it was.

“How about you go change into something comfortable, and we’ll go downstairs, and have a movie day. Okay?” Sam asked softly, looking up at her and resting his hand against her cheek, gently wiping away some of the tears that were still glistening with his thumb.

(Y/N) winced at the contact from how raw her cheeks were, but it felt good all the same. She nodded slowly, and Sam helped her off of his lap, then off of the floor. He led her to her room, keeping their fingers interlaced the whole time so that she knew he wasn’t going to leave her. She picked out a pair of sweatpants and another tshirt, and Sam stood outside the door while he waited for her to change.

“Have you had anything to eat today?” Sam asked her softly as they slowly ambled down the stairs and down into the living room. When (Y/N) admitted she hadn’t, Sam nodded. “How about you go make something really quick and I’ll get things set up in here. Does that sound okay?”

(Y/N) nodded, slowly and silently walking to the kitchen to make herself something. After a moment of contemplating, she just quickly made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, eating it slowly to give Sam time to do whatever it was he was doing. Once he was done, he came to find her in the kitchen, where she was just finishing up the last bite. Walking up behind her, he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head before taking care of her dishes for her.

“Now that that’s taken care of, we can start our movie time.” Sam said, giving her a little grin as he grabbed her hand and walked out into the living room with her.

When they came to the living room, (Y/N) couldn’t help but to give a little grin despite everything. On the floor in front of the TV was a mound of blankets and pillows. It wasn’t exactly a fort, but it looked super comfy and something that she would love to spend the next few hours in.

She let Sam get settled in first. He propped a pillow up against the couch, leaning back on it then opening his arms to her. Once she got down on her hands and knees, he helped her get settled with her laying on his chest, moving so that they both could see the TV screen easily. Flicking on the TV, Sam settled on a random channel, where Pitch Perfect happened to be playing.

A comfortable silence settled between the two of them as they watched the movie. After the events of the morning, it was hard for (Y/N) to keep her eyes open, especially with Sam slowly running his fingers through her hair. It wasn’t long before she was in a light sleep, her breathing evening out and becoming slower as she laid on Sam’s chest.

When (Y/N) finally woke back up, Sam was still laying there. He was half asleep as well, his hand still absent mindedly playing with the ends of her hair. Her voice was sleepy as she mumbled, “Sam?”

Sam jumped a bit when he heard his name. He hadn’t realized (Y/N) had woken up. “Yeah, (Y/N)?” He asked softly, rubbing his eyes and sitting up a bit so he could look down at her. “You alright?”

“Earlier when we were in the bathroom, you kept calling me beautiful.” (Y/N) stated. Even though it hadn’t registered at the time, afterward she realized that Sam had always made it a point to tell her how beautiful she was, even though she knew she looked terrible. “Why?”

A little smile formed on Sam’s face when she asked the question. It was terrible that she even had to ask it, but he was glad that she did. If she was really that confused about it, Sam wanted her to know, instead of just always wondering. “You’re always beautiful.” Sam said softly, smiling as he started to think back. “You were gorgeous when we met on the beach. You were so carefree, and always smiling, and you loved life. That was the first time I’d seen you, and I immediately thought you were stunning. You were gorgeous the first time we had an actual date, and you dressed up because you thought I was going to, and I ended up just being in blue jeans. You were gorgeous when I let you borrow my sweatshirt because you were cold. You were gorgeous when I came in this morning and saw you sitting in the bathroom by yourself crying. You were gorgeous when you came out of your room in your sweatpants and tshirt. You were gorgeous when you just fell asleep on my chest. And you’re gorgeous right now. The way you have no make up on, the way you’re relaxed when you’re with me. You’re always beautiful. That’s why I kept telling you. Because you were beautiful then, and you’re beautiful now.”

By the end of the speech, (Y/N) couldn’t help but to grin. Her eyes filled with tears which she quickly went to wipe away, but before she could, Sam’s hands were there, and he was smiling back at her. A lump formed in her throat when their eyes met, because she could just see the love, and how fond he was of her. It was amazing. (Y/N) felt like she was actually worth something for the first time in a long time.

They stayed like that the entire night, even after (Y/N)’s roommates got home. (Y/N) didn’t want Sam to leave, and Sam didn’t want to leave. She craved his affection, craved his warmth and scent. She fell in and out of sleep a few times as the sound of his heartbeat lulled her to relax, and she never wanted the moment to end.