To say that Bram saw Simon’s post late was an understatement.
Bram tended to avoid creeksecrets whenever he could, so he hadn’t exactly seen Simon’s post about the Ferris Wheel until after the play had finished.
He had gotten a message from Garrett while he was finishing his English essay.
Hey man, you going to the carnival?
Wasn’t planning on it. Are you?
I wasn’t gonna but nick and the girls are supporting simon and I decided to go too.
His creeksecrets post? With the ferris wheel? The guys a no show so far but we have hope.
Bram had logged onto creeksecrets immediately and found Simon’s post. He officially came out as gay. And he was asking Blue to meet him at the Ferris Wheel after the play. The same play had that finished over 2 hours ago. Bram glanced at Simon’s message again, and one particular line stood out to him; This guy that I love wrote…
Bram had his shoes on and was out the door in record time, only stopping to explain to his mom where he was going. His mom was hesitant, as it was almost midnight, but it was also Friday, so she extended his curfew and told him to have fun.
Bram made a beeline for the Ferris Wheel when he arrived, finding Leah, Abby, Nick and Garrett quickly in the crowd of people. There were so many people.
He couldn’t do this. This was too much pressure.
He looked over and saw Simon sitting on the Ferris Wheel, looking devastated and tired and Bram’s heart broke. He walked towards the front of the group of people.
Could he do this?
Was he ready?
Just as Bram was preparing himself to walk over, to be out in front of the whole school, somebody shouted;
Martin Addison. What was he doing?
“It’s me, I’m Blue. I love you.” What is Martin doing?
Simon didn’t even hesitate.
“No, you’re not.”
Well, at least Simon didn’t think that little of him.
Now Martin was giving money to the ride operator, giving Simon one more go on the ride.
“Last call for the Ferris Wheel!”
This was it. Now or never. The guy was gesturing for the ride to start.
His feet were moving before his thoughts could catch up. And then he was running up the steps towards Simon.
“Wait, wait,” Bram pointed at the seat next to Simon, “can I sit there?”
“I’m… kind of waiting for somebody,” Simon said, but he pushed open the rail slightly anyway.
“Yeah, I know.”
And then Bram was sliding into the seat next to Simon, the girl locking them in together. He folded his hands in his lap, trying to stop them shaking. Was it from nervousness or adrenaline? Was it both?
Simon was smiling.
So was Bram.
“But- that night at the party…”
Oh yeah. That. Not Bram’s finest moment.
“Yeah. I was, uh, I was drunk, and confused and it ended like a minute after you saw us.”
Simon registered this, swallowing slightly.
“And you’re Jewish.”
Bram laughed at that.
“Which is… cool.”
“I’m black too,” Bram said, still chuckling, before taking a deep breath “and gay. It’s kind of crazy huh.”
Simon was looking at him now, something sad in his eyes, but something hopeful too.
“I didn’t think you’d come.”
“Me neither. Until I was walking towards you, I didn’t think I had it in me.”
The ride started then, bringing them up towards the top of the ride. There was a nervous energy surrounding them, and Bram couldn’t help but wonder if Simon was disappointed. He glanced at Simon as they neared the top, and Simon was looking out, but he turned towards Bram, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards.
“Are you disappointed it’s me?” Bram asked.
The corner of Simon’s mouth quirked up and he glanced away, shaking his head, before looking Bram in the eye.
“No.” He said, smiling again. He was looking at Bram with a softness in his whole face, looking well… fond.
Simon leaned in and kissed him then, quickly, before pulling back slightly as if to make sure that was okay, and then he leaned back in, placing his hand on the side of Bram’s neck, holding him there, and Bram placed his hand softly over Simon’s, wanting to hold onto the moment longer. They separated, grinning.
They heard cheers from down below and Bram couldn’t help but laugh, and Simon was looking down at their friends, looking slightly dazed, before he turned back to Bram, still smiling. They leaned in again, and then Bram wasn’t thinking about the cheers from down below, but instead on Simon, and Simon’s mouth being on Bram’s mouth, and the fact that somehow, they had gotten to this moment in time, where they were together, on top of the Ferris Wheel, kissing.
Just as they separated, the ride moved again, bringing both boys down to the ground, down to their friends, friends who were still cheering. Simon lowered his left hand down towards the seat, and Bram didn’t hesitate in putting his hand into Simon’s. Simon’s cheeks were tinted pink, and Bram knew he was just as bad.
The female ride operator smiled sweetly at them as the undid the latch to let them out, and they exited the ride hand in hand, both of them still softly smiling. The guy who had been there since the beginning smiled tiredly at them. It was small, but genuine non-the less and Bram wishes he had been there earlier.
Their friends surrounded them the minute they got off the platform, and rounds of hugs were exchanged, but Simon and Bram held onto each other’s hands tightly.
Garrett grinned as he hugged Bram.
“It was you all along, huh?”
“Yeah,” Bram said, almost sheepish, “Thanks for messaging me. I would never have known otherwise.”
Simon looked over at him as he said that, confusion etched on his face.
“I don’t really look at creeksecrets. Garrett messaged to ask if I was coming but I didn’t see it until just before. That’s why I was so late. I’m sorry.”
“Well, I would have emailed you but…” Simon’s tone was light, but it still hit Bram hard in the gut.
“Simon, I’m so sorry about that. I panicked but I never should have blocked you. I was just… scared. But that’s no excuse. You needed me, and I abandoned you and I never should have done that.”
There was silence from the group around them, and they all exchanged awkward, heavy glances.
“I forgive you Bram, because I understand. You were just as outed as I was with that post, even if you weren’t named. I should have told you about Martin too, from the very start, but I knew it would scare you off and I didn’t want to lose you. Besides, even if you left as Blue, you still talked to me as Bram.”
And, okay yeah, that might technically be true. Bram had missed the awkward first day of lunch when Simon and Ethan had been made fun of by those idiots, so when he discovered that he had sat by himself at lunch, Bram had made an effort to talk to him when he could. It wasn’t often, and it was hard to hold a conversation when he felt so damn guilty, but it was something, at least.
Bram didn’t really know how to respond to that, so he just squeezed Simon’s hand and hoped he got the message. Simon’s answering squeeze and the small smile on his face made Bram think he understood.
“Uh, we should probably head off Si, it’s pretty late.” This was Leah.
“I can drive you home, if you want,” Bram said, turning towards Simon, who positively grinned at that. “Unless you drove, of course.”
“No! I mean, no, I didn’t drive, and yes, please, a lift would be great.”
Leah laughed, and a round of goodbyes were made from Leah, Abby and Nick, who were grinning again. Garrett also headed off, winking, but not before he gave a meaningful a signature Garrett shoulder grab. Bram got the message; I’m proud of you.
Simon and Bram walked slowly towards to parking lot, watching as the lights at the carnival went out. They spotted Ethan and Taylor chatting as they walked, and Ethan made his way over when they made eye contact. He placed his hand on Bram’s shoulder, smiling softly.
“Every time one of us is strong enough to come out, the world becomes a slightly better place.”
Bram nodded, blinking back the sudden onslaught of tears.
And then Ethan was gone, walking away with Taylor in tow.
“Are you okay?” Simon asked, squeezing his hand slightly.
“Yeah,” Bram was surprised as how elated he felt right now. Despite the craziness of it all, and the fear he had felt when he arrived, or the anxiety he felt when Jacques had wanted to know who he was, or the dread when the emails were leaked, Bram couldn’t believe he was now out to the world. And that felt good. “Simon I- I’m so happy right now.”
Simon grinned at that and brought his free hand up to caress Bram’s cheek.
“God, me too. So happy.”
Then he was leaning in again, and Bram was meeting him in the middle for another kiss, this one just as sweet and as lingering as the others. It was like a dream. Complete and utter bliss.
Sunday afternoon was spent at the Spier household.
They had spent Saturday morning texting, Saturday afternoon on a date at the Waffle House, and Saturday night texting again. They changed their facebook status’ that night, which generated so many likes and an almost instantaneous comment from Abby. It was official. Simon Spier was Bram’s boyfriend. What a day.
Sunday was a lot calmer. They were studying in Simon’s room with the door open, spread out on the bed, except they spent more time just talking, and laughing, and yes, kissing.
“I was thinking,” Simon started, drawing Bram’s attention back to him, “if you wanted, I could pick you up on my way to school with the others.”
A comparatively small gesture, but the idea of being a permanent part of Simon’s daily routine was thrilling.
“I would love that.”
Bram lent over to give Simon a chaste kiss, but as he pulled away Simon grabbed Bram by the back of his neck and pulled him forward, kissing him again, and again, making Bram forget all about algebra and focus solely on Simon.
Bram shifted his weight forward, and Simon went back, lying down on the bed, with Bram following him, trying not to break the kiss. Bram rested his hands on either side of Simon and continued to kiss him, enjoying this new feeling. Simon was running his hands up and down Bram’s sides, unable to settle, and Bram was overwhelmed with how much he loved Simon in this moment.
Simon shifted his weight so that Bram lost his balanced, and he tumbled onto Simon and then they were both laughing, unable to stop, their legs tangled hopelessly together and their faces inches apart.
They stayed like that for a while, just being near each other, trading a soft kiss every now and then, and just enjoying being together.
The sound of footsteps coming up the stairs caused Bram to sit up, pulling Simon with him, so they could finish their work.
Bram couldn’t believe his life had become this, that he could have ever had this amazing boy as his boyfriend, who smiles at him in a way he doesn’t smile at anyone else, who he could feel completely safe and home with.
“Do you like iced coffee?” Simon asked, shaking Bram from his thoughts.
“Yeah,” Bram said, smiling, “why?”
“We usually get iced coffee before school, Leah, Nick, Abbey and I, I mean, so if you wanted we could grab you one every morning too?”
“Sound’s perfect Simon,” Bram kissed his cheek quickly, “and with milk, please.”
“Awesome,” Simon grinned, “so I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning then. I’ll probably have to pick you up last, but I’ll ask Leah if she can sit in the back.”
“Are you giving me unlimited shot-gun privileges?”
“The perks of being my boyfriend.”
Boyfriend. How perfect. And because Bram couldn’t resist, he lent over and gave Simon another kiss, only breaking it because they were both grinning too hard.
This, Bram thought, is complete, and utter bliss.