Kelly tossed his jacket over a chair the moment he walked into the apartment. He felt cold, not only because the weather was trying to freeze him out, transform him into the pathetic snowflake he was, but there was more to it. That icy scraping feeling every time his heart beat, every time he took a breath, every time he thought about what he couldn't have.
What he couldn't have.
That blond hair, those sparkling blue eyes, that soft breath of existence that couldn't have been a coincidence under any circumstances. There was no way that big heart and golden personality were part of any scientific means, it didn't come down to numbers or words or anything from this earth.
Not Matthew Casey.
Matt was the closest fucking thing to a miracle you'd ever lay your eyes upon.
Kelly knew this, knew he shouldn't take any moment for granted. Another completely solid and undeniable fact of life that had become painfully clear to Kelly: Matt would be the fucking end of him.
"Hey." Matt smiled, emerging from his room, "Gabby's out to get groceries and getting takeout for supper."
Kelly stood there, breath stolen as he took in the image of Matt standing there, nothing but a towel around his waist and water droplets still clinging to his chest. Damp hair darker than its usual colour, eyes brighter than ever. "Not hungry." Was the only thing Kelly could mutter, grabbing his jacket and heading to the room Casey and Dawson had been letting him crash in.
There was a knock on his door five minutes later, a soft pause, and then. "You feeling okay?"
Because of course. Yes. Matt would check up on him. Because he was an angel, a pure soul that cared too much and wore his heart on his sleeve.
"Sev?" Matt prompted, patiently waiting for a sound. "Can I come in?"
No. You can't come in. You can't see me like this, not with the tears streaming down my face. I'm too broken, Matt, I'll take you down with me and you don't deserve that. Kelly thought to himself.
His actually response, a firm, quiet, "No."
Kelly could hear the concern in the man's voice, made him feel like he meant something.
That's the thing that struck him most about Matthew Casey. That man made him feel worthwhile, wanted, protected, cared about in a way that no other human on this earth had managed to do. Nobody had ever cared enough to take Kelly in when he was in a rough spot, offer advice, solicited or not, or give the emotional support Kelly had so lacked before Casey came into his life.
"Severide... What's wrong?"
If Kelly had to guess, Matt's forehead was leaning against the door, a sad expression on his face as he worried about his friend.
"Go spend time with Gabby." There was more spite in Kelly's tone than he'd intended, but he didn't think Matt picked up on it.
Matt frowned at the remark, letting out a soft sigh. As if on cue, he heard the key jingling in the front front door, signalling that his fiancé was home.
"Please tell me if you need anything." Matt breathed out before heading away to help Gabby with the groceries.
Kelly already knew he wouldn't breathe a word.