Chapter Text
The It Couple
VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL!
(OR: Suplexes and the Power of 'Nope')
"Kanna, do we have to?" Kohaku grumbled, thumping his chin onto the table surface and fixing her with his best childish pout. "I never agreed to this."
His girlfriend took a loud, bubbly sip through her straw and set her now-empty soda down, fixing him with that deathly serious stare over the lenses of her black-rimmed reading spectacles. "Do you hate Inuyasha? Do you hate Kagome?" She leaned forward, her whisper barely audible over the hum of noise in the university food court. "Do you hate your sister?"
What the hell kind of question - "Of course I don't!"
Her dark eyes narrowed before returning to her enormous textbook. "Alright, then."
"I just - I mean, it's Valentine's Day, Kanna," Kohaku protested, sliding his hand forward over the table to cover hers, "And it's our third year together. Shouldn't we, you know, spend a little time, just the two of us? I was gonna make us a nice dinner, and maybe rent one of your favorite movies and just curl up on the couch…"
"We are perfectly capable of enjoying each other's company every other day of the year," Kanna said, not looking up from the text she was perusing but intertwining her fingers with his nonetheless, "Valentine's Day is a scam invented to sell greeting cards. It's utterly meaningless. I don't need a holiday to encourage my affection for you, dearest." A light squeeze of his hand, though her expression never changed.
Kohaku sighed. Once again, her logic was starting to win out. It always did. It was the thing about her that he admired most, and the thing that most often would drive him to near insanity.
"So we're stuck babysitting my nieces and those two crazy Takahashi kids, while everyone else gets to go out and have fun?"
Kanna was still reading. Research for a doctoral thesis was always intense, Kohaku knew, but Kanna's commitment to her academic career was incredible, even by those standards. He waited patiently for her to finish her paragraph, and the silence between them was interrupted only by the irritating squeak of a highlighter dragged across the page, until she finally sat back and looked up at him again, removing her reading glasses.
"You're welcome to join the others at whatever loud, expensive nightclub they end up at," she said quietly, and though the statement would have seemed harsh and blunt to any other listening ears, he knew she was just speaking plainly. As she always did. Kanna language. "I made a promise to Kagome. And if everyone broke promises society would crumble and fall. Besides, they have a better home-theatre setup than we do."
"You literally only said yes for the surround sound and the reclining plush seats." Kohaku broke into a small smile as the realization dawned on him.
Kanna didn't return the smile, but if she had it would have honestly terrified him and made him wonder what sort of alternate universe he'd woken up in. "You also seem to be underestimating the benefit of watching small children who go to sleep early in the evening. I still have an entire wing of the house for my own particular use, if you'll recall." She looked off in the distance, as if lost in thought. "Kagome bought me custom furniture when I moved in. All black."
Kohaku felt the heat flush up the back of his neck, and as he reached up to tug at his collar, he realized his hands were trembling.
Kanna noticed the tremor too. "Is that a brain damage tremor or an I-love-Kanna tremor?"
Kohaku snorted with laughter. Only you would say it that way. And I adore you for it. In a world where everyone else shied away from the subject, she would always just ask him about it point-blank.
"Probably both," he laughed. The tremor slowed and disappeared as quickly as it had come.
"AXEL!"
Kagome paused, frowned, and sat back from her laptop, craning her head over her shoulder. The house had been quiet for a few blessed moments, with Inuyasha in his office answering emails from god-knows-who and the kids playing with their toys very nicely and sweetly. So of course, she'd decided to get some much-needed editing work done before they went out for Valentine's Day tonight. And of course, quiet in the Takahashi household usually meant something insane was about to happen.
With a heavy sigh and a chuckle to herself, she stood up and followed her husband's voice down the hallway, around the corner, through the massive living room, and into the kids' game room.
Mimi was hiding behind the doorway, her twin pigtails hanging sideways as she peeked inside. Kagome smiled to herself and crouched low to whisper in the four-year-old's ear.
"What happened?"
Mimi turned at the sound of her mother's voice, her little nose red and sniffly, and just pointed hesitantly, her little cherub face pinched with nervousness. "Daddy's mad." Kagome ruffled her hair reassuringly and stood to walk past her into the room.
Her precious, beloved son stood there in the center of the room, looking sheepish and a bit glum. And her precious, beloved husband was standing facing the opposite wall, bracing himself upright with a clenched fist, with his eyes screwed shut as he seemed to be trying to calm down.
"Inuyasha?" Kagome said, stepping forward. "What happened?"
At the sight of her, Axel immediately ran forward and threw his arms around her waist, burying his face in her shirt. "We were just playing! I promise, Mom! I didn't mean to!"
Kagome suppressed a grin, glancing up at Inuyasha meaningfully.
Finally, Inuyasha took a deep breath and spoke. "You didn't mean to throw your little sister through the air into the wall?" He pointed at the new Mimi-shaped dent just below the window.
Jesus CHRIST. Kagome's mouth fell open in stunned silence and she glanced back at Mimi, who was still peeking through the doorway. Sure enough, there it was. A huge bruise starting to form on the little girl's left arm.
Axel, what the hell! She thought it, but she didn't say it. "Mimi, sweetheart, are you okay?"
Mimi just nodded, her lower lip quivering a little. She wasn't crying, not really. She's a tough little firecracker, gotta give her that. Of course, having to try and keep up with the actual tornado that was her older brother had no doubt given her a spine of steel that belied her mere four years of age.
"Axel," Kagome looked down at her son, who was still plastered around her waist and clearly doing his best to be cute and small and precious, "Why did you throw your sister?" Even saying it out loud sounded ludicrous.
"A question I'd also like the answer to," growled Inuyasha, folding his arms across his chest and fixing Axel with his patented stern-father face.
"W-We were playing," Axel said, his voice muffled into Kagome's stomach. Kagome gently untangled his arms from around her and stepped backward.
"Playing what?" Inuyasha held out his arms, and Mimi rushed forward and scrambled into them. He held out her arm to examine it, turning it over gently. "Does it hurt?" he asked her, his voice low and soft.
Mimi nodded, glancing at Axel with a guilty expression, like she was scared of ratting her beloved big brother out. Inuyasha placed a featherlight kiss over the bruise, then turned back to their older child. "Playing what, Axel?"
"...Pro wrestling." Axel mumbled the words.
She'd been married to him now for eight years, so Kagome knew by the minute changes in Inuyasha's expression when he was about to lose that famous temper of his, so she just gave him her best let-me-handle-this smile and spoke up quickly.
"Did Mimi want to play pro wrestling?"
Axel looked as if that question had never occurred to him. Kagome fought back a sigh and ran a hand through her hair.
"You can't just throw your sister, kid," Inuyasha said with narrowed golden eyes.
"I didn't throw her," Axel said, "I suplexed her."
There it was. A quirk of Inuyasha's eyebrow. A snarl curling at the corner of his lips. Down, boy, Kagome thought, crouching down to stare Axel in the eyes.
"I can't believe I'm having to tell you this, as old as you are," she said sternly, "but you are not allowed to play pro wrestling in the house. Or anywhere, unless you're with your Aunt Ayame and she's taken you to her dad's gym again. Understand me?"
Axel gave a petulant glance toward the floor. A glance that looked so familiar that it nearly made Kagome crack up and forget that she was trying to do the mom thing right now. "Yes, Mom," he mumbled.
"Now apologize to Mimi."
Axel looked over at his sister, who was still hanging on Inuyasha's hip. He looked truly downtrodden and regretful, and it made Kagome want to just envelop him in her arms and cuddle him, but no, she couldn't, because that would undermine her whole speech just now -
"I'm sorry, Mimi."
Inuyasha's angry expression finally relaxed into general peevedness.
"If you want," Axel continued, "You can hit me back."
Dammit, Axel.
"No one is hitting anybody," Kagome said, gripping Axel's shoulder tightly enough so he knew she meant it. "Axel, you're not hitting Mimi, and Mimi, you don't hit Axel. Are we clear?"
Mimi nodded. Axel just bit his lip.
"Axel!" Inuyasha said sharply.
"I got it, Dad. I'm sorry." Axel glanced up at Kagome then, those blue eyes of his shining. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'll never do it again."
By the look on Inuyasha's face, he was buying it just as much as Kagome was. She sent her husband a wink as she said, "Better not."
"Well," Inuyasha grumbled as he pulled off his tee shirt and tossed it onto their bed before reaching for the dress shirt he had laid next to it, "Guess that rules out taking the kids to the park this weekend. All we need is for some fucking paps to see that huge honking bruise on Mimi's arm and then there'll be headlines for weeks about possible abuse in our household."
Kagome didn't respond for several seconds.
"Baby?" He turned and glanced over his shoulder.
She was standing there at her vanity in her bra and jeans, bracing herself upright with both arms and shaking with silent laughter.
He couldn't help it; he broke into a confused grin. "What the hell are you laughing about?"
She just laughed harder and doubled over over the table. "He - he suplexed her! He physically picked her up and just - " She mimicked the move, throwing her arms backward over her head, cackling to herself. "I know, I know, it's not funny and I shouldn't be laughing and we're so lucky she didn't break her arm, but that mental image of Axel just - " She covered her mouth with one hand and her bare stomach with the other.
"You are terrible," he chuckled, turning back to the dress shirt and moving to throw it over his shoulders.
"Not my fault he's exactly like his dad," she said, "An idiot."
"Hmph," he huffed, reaching for the buttons.
"Wait, wait, wait!" Suddenly, Kagome's hand was on his chest, and she stood there with a huge grin on her face and ran it up and down over his abs. Her touch was light, caressing. "Let me appreciate."
"Oh for fuck's sake - "
"Shh," she said with mock severity, "I just need a moment. Let me have this."
"You perv," he said, leaning down to touch his forehead to hers with a mischievous smirk, "Don't worry. You can have all you want later tonight."
Kagome's smile was bright and dazzling as always, with the dimple on her cheek that he loved so much on full display. "Promise?"
He kissed her, and her arms snaked upward around his neck, pulling him closer with a small, delighted squeak.
"Hey, hey, cut that shit out," he scolded, knowing he likely had a huge stupid smile on his face and not particularly caring, "You - we- have to get dressed. Miroku and Sango and the twins are due here in a few minutes. I mean, unless you wanna go out like that."
Kagome glanced down at her bra and jeans ensemble. "Hmm, maybe not," she said with a smirk, "Alright, alright, I'm getting dressed. But you owe me!"
Everything, he thought, watching her as she darted into the closet.
It was so hard to concentrate on the road. Miroku knew he deserved several medals.
The twins were chattering in baby talk in the backseat (twin talk, Sango called it), they were on their fiftieth reprise of goddamn "Wheels on the Bus" playing on the car stereo, and his gorgeous wife was next to him in the front seat in a very short mini-dress with her immaculate legs on full display. And of course, his wife being the absolute badass she was, she was in the middle of a phone call with a studio executive, not even batting an eye at the cacophony of noise around her.
Finally, mercifully, they arrived at the Takahashi palace and buzzed through the gate. Another seven or so minutes of unloading the kids, the diaper bags, the snack packs (the one thing he hadn't been prepared for when he became a father - all the stuff they required wherever they went), all of it.
"Need a hand?" Kagome poked her head out of the front door.
"Of course not," Miroku said, grinning through the bag strap caught between his teeth, his speech muffled, "We're experts. King and Queen of Parenting."
"Hey, Kagome!" Sango had both twin girls by the hand and was gently walking them up toward the door. "Is Kanna here yet?"
"She's on her way. She and Kohaku left right as you guys did, so it should be any minute." Kagome bent to pick up Kimmy, the younger of the twins, who as of lately was obsessed with her Aunt Kagome and had already been reaching for her.
"Thank god," Miroku said through his gritted teeth, stumbling under the weight of all the bags. Suddenly the ever-wonderful Nazuna also appeared through the open doorway, and she immediately took a few of them off his hands. "And thank you, Nazuna."
Nazuna grinned and disappeared back into the house.
"Any paps at the gate?" Kagome said, peering off in the direction of the entrance to the property, which was hidden behind the hill. Her smile was a little tighter.
"No," Sango said, "Why? Expecting some?"
Kagome visibly sighed. "We always get a few whenever Kikyou's back in the press. She announced her new movie this morning, but then again, you probably knew that. It's sort of you guys' jobs to know everything." She turned and led them into the house, and Nazuna, ever ready and devoted, shut the door behind all of them.
"She should be sending you two royalty checks," Miroku grumbled, "You've single-handedly kept her an object of interest in the public eye for the last eight years." He let the bags dropped and cracked his shoulder. Man, I'm getting old. Just kill me now.
Sango discreetly elbowed him in the side. "Kagome, if you'd rather not go out tonight, that's okay, we can just - "
"Hell no!" Kagome said, "Oh, I mean, heck no." She wrinkled her nose and nuzzled at Kimmy's face. "I made a promise to myself long ago. I'm going to live my life and be happy. Best revenge is living well, right?"
Miroku reached out and ruffled Kagome's hair. "You're so mature, Kagome. I'm so proud of you."
"Thanks, Dad." She rolled her eyes.
There was the sound of lumbering footsteps, like a stampede.
Kagome shook her head and laughed. "Well, here comes the cavalry."
And then they appeared around the corner. Mini Inuyasha and Mini Kagome, he called them.
"Kimmy and Ally are here!" shouted Axel, barrelling toward the crowd of them, and for a heart-stopping instant Miroku had a vision of the kid just failing to stop and knocking them all down like bowling pins, but the boy skidded to a stop in his white cotton socks. His silver-white hair was sticking out all over the place. Mini Inuyasha to the core.
Mimi, the little angel, was clearly doing her best to keep up with her big brother but was defeated by her shorter legs. She grinned up at the adults with pure delight. "Uncle Moku!"
"Hi, sweetheart," he said, feeling his stone heart just melt as he bent to pick her up for a hug. "How are you?"
"Axel spooplexed me!" She held out her arm excitedly, showing off an ugly bruise running down her arm.
"...He what, now?"
"Long story," Inuyasha said, appearing from the bedroom hallway in a smart tailored suit. "Trust me, you don't wanna know."
"Uh-huh." Sango had on her skeptical face.
"Hi, Aunt Sango," said Axel briefly before turning his attention to Ally, who was still clutching her mother's hand. "Hi, Ally!"
"Yep, sure," Miroku grumbled, "Hi, how are you, Axel, my name is Chopped Liver."
Kagome and Sango giggled, and Miroku turned to glare at them. "Thanks for all the support, ladies, really. Axel, I like your shirt. What does it say?"
Axel gave him a look like he was the biggest idiot in the world and held out the shirtfront to display the writing. "It says 'AC/DC.'"
Well, excuse the hell out of me, mini Inuyasha.
The phone rang, and Nazuna appeared seemingly from out of nowhere to answer it. "Kanna's here," she announced, hanging up.
"So their snacks are in the purple - no, the blue bag," Sango scrolled through her list, brow furrowed in concentration, "and they're just starting potty training so we've got pull-ups, but I'd put them in real diapers before you put them down for the night. The portable playpen has a roll-out mattress, so you can use that, but no pillows, just a thin blanket."
Leave it to Sango to make a bulleted list for a few hours' worth of childcare. Inuyasha sent Kagome a smirk across the room, and she smiled back.
Kanna, meanwhile, was listening intently. Or maybe that was just her face. After eight years of knowing the kid, it was still hard to tell.
Inuyasha glanced just behind her at Kohaku, whose nieces were currently latched onto both of his hands and dragging him around the living room while babbling excitedly. He looked tired already. Welcome to my life, kid.
"You're spending the night, right?" Kagome asked when Sango finally seemed satisfied that she'd covered everything. "I don't know how late we'll be, or if we'll have to wait for our table - "
"Kagome," Miroku was at the bar mixing himself a scotch and seltzer, "You're married to the most famous movie star in the world. If we have to wait for a table, I'm getting new friends to leech off of."
"Well, anyway," Kagome sent Miroku a brief look and continued as if he hadn't spoken, "Your room is all ready to go. Clean sheets, bath towels if you want to shower, et cetera."
"And no scary movies with the kids awake," Inuyasha added. That had been a point of contention last time Kanna had babysat.
Kanna turned and fixed him with that unsettling stare. "I'm sorry you think 'The Crow' is scary. I thought it was a beautiful love story."
"It is literally about coming back from the dead to murder people."
She gave a minute shrug. "You're the parents."
"We did it!" Miroku sank into the backseat as if he had lost all feeling in his limbs. "We're actually going. Nothing went wrong."
"Don't jinx it, you idiot!" There was the sound of a gentle smack from the backseat.
"Oooh, do that again."
"Houshi?"
"Yes, Mrs. Houshi?"
"Shut the fuck up."
Kagome glanced over at Inuyasha. He was shaking his head and chuckling under his breath as he put the car in gear and started down the driveway.
As they approached, they saw them.
The flashes. Just a few, maybe three or four, but they were going off like crazy.
"Ugh," Kagome said, running a hand over her face, "I knew it."
"It'll be alright, baby," Inuyasha said, reaching over to brush his hand over her knee, "One of the perks of living the life we do - exclusive hidden entrances."
She knew the car windows were heavily tinted, that there would be no clear images in any of the ill-gotten photos, but she still found herself instinctively slouching lower as they passed through the gate.
"Who's performing tonight, anyway?" Kagome asked, looping her fingers around her frosted glass of beer, looking around the crowded club.
It was decorated much like an old-timey nightclub from Hollywood's golden age, with an enormous dance floor and a stage with a huge brass band.
"Not any metal bands, that's for sure," Miroku smirked as he tossed back the last of his whiskey-on-the-rocks. "Sorry, Kagome. How will you ever survive?"
Kagome tossed her napkin at his face from across the table. "Sango, can I kill him and make you a widow?"
Sango was perusing the food menu and didn't miss a beat. "I just took out extra life insurance on him," she said, "Give me one more month so it doesn't look suspicious."
"Ha!" Miroku scoffed, leaning in to kiss Sango's cheek, "You'd never do that. You'd miss me too much. Plus you'd have to raise the twins by yourself."
"A good life insurance payout would finance an awesome nanny."
Inuyasha snaked an arm around Kagome's waist and leaned back against the booth. She leaned into him, laying her head gently against his shoulder.
She was so beautiful. And he loved her so goddamn much. And the night was just beginning.
Could anything ever ruin an evening like this? He voiced the thought in his head.
And then there was a small commotion, raising the general volume of the already noisy room. The four of them craned their heads to follow the noise.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Sango spat, her brown eyes narrowed with unfiltered rage.
What was that thing Sango said earlier about not jinxing it? Way to go, you absolute moron.
It was the first time they'd seen Kikyou in the flesh in nearly eight years, not counting passing glimpses on red carpets and the constant onslaught of her image all over the television all the time. Miroku and Sango, ever loyal to their most famous and money-making client, had always firmly emphasized to every single event organizer and bigshot that under no circumstances should Mr. and Mrs. Takahashi ever be seated near or forced to interact with Kikyou Higurashi. And it had always worked.
But, of course, fate had a way of fucking with the best-laid plans, right?
"Of all the nightclubs in LA," Sango hissed, "She picked this one? I call bullshit. This is no coincidence." She turned to Kagome and Inuyasha, clearly in full protective mode. "Did you tell anyone where we were going tonight?"
"Of course not!" Kagome said.
"We're not stupid," Inuyasha muttered, pulling Kagome a little closer.
Miroku, long finished with his own drink, reached over and took a generous sip of Sango's, a troubled frown on his face.
Kikyou, looking angelic as she always had, waited for her date to pull out her chair before taking a seat, the skirt of her ruby red evening gown billowing around her. She was smiling at all the attention, all the whispers. The Queen, holding court. Some things never fucking change, do they?
"Does she see us?" Kagome said softly. Her black-polished fingers were awkwardly fiddling with her necklace, and she was staring down at the white-clothed table.
"I don't know," Inuyasha replied truthfully, then leaned closer to whisper, "Do you wanna go?"
The fidgeting stopped, and her nervous stare hardened into a steely glower. "No," she said softly, "I don't know what her goal is, what she's planning, but she is not ruining my Valentine's Day." She sat up a little straighter and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Fuck it."
Before anyone else could say something, the music flared up, and the entire club broke into applause.
Miroku raised his hand to signal for another round of drinks.
And here I was, about to ask Kagome to dance, Inuyasha thought glumly.
The music was sultry and jazzy. Definitely not Kagome's usual vibe (not enough leather and studs and screaming high notes), but nice enough for a change. It all felt very fancy, which she realized was an ironic thought for half of one of the wealthiest couples in Hollywood to have. But then again, we've always been low-key, I guess. She snuck a glance down at her husband's brand new Rolex watch. ...Well, relatively so.
She pointedly refused to look over at Kikyou, so she had no idea if Kikyou was looking back.
But then of course, her estranged older sister made it clear that she wanted to dance, and so there was no keeping her out of Kagome's peripheral.
How did she find out where we were going? Sango's right; this is no coincidence. Kikyou just announced a new movie this morning, and if there's one thing she knows, it's how to get press attention.
Inuyasha seemed to be thinking the same thing as she was, because he watched Kikyou laughingly get spun around by the poor idiot she'd convinced to date her with a very suspicious glare.
"I can't stand this bullshit," Sango spat, now well into her third strong drink of the evening.
"You and me both, babe." Miroku had his mouth full of some overpriced appetizer and was chewing thoughtfully.
Sango set her glass down and placed both palms on the tabletop, as if she could take no more. "Houshi, c'mon," she muttered, "We're dancing."
Miroku swallowed, looking like she'd just told him she was, in fact, an alien from Mars. "Sango, babe, you don't dance. You've insisted that to me about twenty-three thousand, one hundred fifty times since we got married."
"I dance now," she hissed, glaring over at the back of Kikyou's head, "Right now. How else am I gonna trip this bitch and make her wipe out on the dance floor?"
"I love you so much," Miroku said, throwing down his napkin and following her out of the booth.
Kagome gave a muted smile at Inuyasha, who in return leaned over and kissed her. "You're still having fun, right?" he murmured, so close she could feel his breath ghosting over her lips, "I know it's not our normal sort of date night, but I figured once in a blue moon we could be hoity-toity celebrity people, you know?"
"It is fun," she insisted, brushing his bangs out of his face lovingly. "I promise I'm having a great time."
He didn't look certain, and she knew he was worried. It was adorable. He was such a teddy bear underneath it all.
"I was gonna ask you to dance, of course," he said, flicking his head back toward the dance floor behind them, "but I'm sure you don't want to open that whole can of worms, right?"
"That can of worms was never fully closed in the first place," Kagome said, once again letting herself settle against his shoulder, "I don't know if it ever will be. Things are rarely ever that simple in the real world. Life isn't a blockbuster movie."
Inuyasha seemed to have no real reply to that, because he just kissed the top of her head and raised his glass to take another sip.
And for some reason, when Kagome saw the glum expression on his face that he was trying so desperately to hide for her sake, she felt her resolve turn to steel once again.
She nudged him, and he nearly choked on an ice cube.
"Oops, sorry!" She couldn't help the laugh as she reached up with a napkin to wipe the whiskey off his chin.
"What gives?" he grumbled, "Trying to kill me, I see."
"No, I don't have any extra life insurance on you. Well, actually, the one policy we do have is more than enough. I could live for the rest of my days quite comfortably. Hey, let's go dance!"
"Very funny."
"I'm serious, let's fucking do it."
Inuyasha quirked an eyebrow at her. He wasn't buying what she was selling, clearly. "You know she's going to see us and try to make a thing of it," he said slowly, "Why give her the opportunity?"
"I have a plan. One that doesn't involve tripping her, as tempting as Sango's idea was."
"Babe, I know you're on a mission from Satan right now," Miroku said softly into her ear, "but could you at least stop with that terrifying expression on your face? And also maybe look at me instead, so we can enjoy our romantic dance and you won't keep stomping all over my feet with those spike heels."
Sango blinked away from where she was glaring daggers at Kikyou over Miroku's shoulder and looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm just marking the territory here."
"That makes it sound like you're a dog going to the - "
"Houshi?"
"Yes, Mrs. Houshi?"
"Shut up."
"Okay, but you're getting twirled in three, two, one…"
"Wait, what?" Sango stumbled as he sent her spinning under his arm. "Houshi, cut it out, I'm trying to be intimidating here!" She caught herself roughly using his arms to brace herself and resumed her death glare over his shoulder. "Oh, good, she saw me. I want her to know we know she knows we're here."
"Run that last sentence by me again?" Miroku sighed, leaning in to plant a quick kiss on his wife's temple.
"I said I want her to know we know she knows - oh, never mind." Sango's mind was clearly elsewhere, but she still leaned forward for another kiss even as she kept her eyes on Kikyou across the dance floor. It's my animal magnetism, Miroku thought with a smirk, She can't resist me even now. I am a god among men.
Before Miroku had the chance to whisper something filthy into her ear, her grip on his shoulder suddenly tightened painfully. "Hoooooly shit," she whispered, pressing her cheek to his, "Kagome and Inuyasha are coming to dance."
"This should be good."
"How is this possibly good?"
"Maybe Kagome will punch her like she punched you that one time."
From his vantage point he could see her ears turn a little pink. "You promised you'd never mention that again, asshole."
"You know I love you, right?" he laughed.
"I know, dammit. You still suck, though."
Kagome and Inuyasha had taken a place next to them, in full view of Kikyou. Sango glanced across the floor again, and she could swear she saw Kikyou's eyes light up even as she pretended to be entirely focused on the poor bastard she'd conned into thinking she was a nice person.
"You guys know she sees you, right?" Sango whispered at them.
"Who cares," said Kagome dreamily, gazing up at her much-taller husband as he pulled her closer.
"Let her see." Inuyasha said, clearly on the same page.
Sure enough, Kikyou was starting to be more obvious as she kept her eyes on the couple, even craning her neck around to avoid breaking the gaze a few times.
"What's she doing?" Miroku asked, still facing away from the entire scene.
"She's sweating," Sango said, "She can't stand it."
"Ten-four. Okay, twirling again, three, two - "
"Houshi, not again - "
"One!"
"Dammit, you are the worst when I'm trying to concentrate!"
The song ended, and all the dancers on the floor paused to applaud the band, who took a brief bow and waved their thanks before breaking into a faster, swing-style number.
It seemed Kikyou was relishing the growing whispers and points from the rest of the clubgoers, and the opportunity was too hard to pass up, so she steered her poor date closer. Close enough to where they were dancing right beside Kagome and Inuyasha.
The targets in question, however, were pointedly ignoring her. They were spinning around quickly, Kagome's movements a little clumsy and inexperienced, Inuyasha being the stalwart teacher and helping her through it. They were laughing and happy and clearly lost in each other's eyes. It was a true Hallmark moment. The stuff of greeting cards and terribly-plotted Christmas movies.
"They are so fucking cute, by the way," she whispered into Miroku's ear.
"You say that all the time."
"It's true, though. Oh, god, here she goes." Sango couldn't help it, she stopped still and quit her imitation of dancing altogether.
There was a thumping sound as Miroku stumbled. "Really, Sango?"
"Shhhh!" She held tightly onto him.
"Kagome?"
Kagome fought back the snort of laughter. Here we go. She sent Inuyasha a wink, and he smirked.
They both kept dancing, and Inuyasha twirled her around to face Kikyou for just a moment before spinning her back inward toward him.
Kikyou stood there, exuding an aura of meek kindness and humility, clasping her hands in front of her with an overjoyed smile on her face.
"I didn't expect to see you here," she said, blinking innocently, "I've missed you."
Kagome didn't answer, just kept looking up into her husband's face with a fond smile.
"I get asked about you two all the time." Kikyou kept plugging away. "I always tell people that I'm so happy for you both. And for your two kids. I'd love to meet them someday."
There was an angry flash in Inuyasha's eyes at the mention of Axel and Mimi, and Kagome quelled it by leaning up to kiss him. Then she craned her neck to glance at Kikyou.
"Nope!" she said brightly.
Kikyou's smiling facade slipped only briefly before she recovered. "Are we really going to keep this going forever, Kagome? Mom wouldn't be happy that you're being so unforgiving. No matter what, we're still family."
Kagome grinned even wider. "Nope!"
Inuyasha pressed his lips together to keep from laughing as he pulled her closer again.
Kikyou's smile faded for real this time. "I just want a relationship with you two, whatever it might be. And with your beautiful children."
Of course you do. You want to play the doting aunt, the martyr of a failed relationship who was magnanimous enough to bury the hatchet. In full view of the paparazzi cameras, of course.
"Nope!"
"So it's like that." Kikyou apparently was going to try for the pity route now. She closed her eyes sadly, heaving a gentle sigh. "Well, I can at least give you my number, and you can call me if you ever change your mind."
Inuyasha pulled Kagome over the crook of his arm and dipped her low, leaning over her body to come face-to-face with Kikyou. The first time they'd been face-to-face since...well, Kagome couldn't remember, but it was definitely before she and Inuyasha had gotten married eight years ago.
He gave Kikyou his best, most charming smile, the smile that Kagome had witnessed firsthand sending a crowd of fangirls into shrieks and fainting spells. Kikyou's sadness faded immediately, as her public moods seemed to do all too often, and she smiled warmly back.
Can't appeal to me so you're gonna try my husband instead. Classy.
Inuyasha kept the smile going for another few seconds, and then opened his mouth to speak. Kikyou seemed to visibly hold her breath, sure that her charms were working.
"Nope." And the smile widened into a perhaps-overly-satisfied grin.
The hopeful, beaming look on Kikyou's lovely face once again was wiped away. All the friendly facade was gone, and her face pinched in anger.
"Fine. Enjoy your life with my husband, Kagome."
Inuyasha gave an exaggerated expression of confusion as he looked down at Kagome. "Um," he called after Kikyou's quickly retreating back, "I'm her husband." He touched the tip of his finger to Kagome's nose, and she burst into laughter. He followed suit, still looking bewildered.
"No, but really," he said through his laughter, looking down at her from his far greater height, "I did marry you, right? I'm not just dreaming, or high, or drunk, or - "
"You married me," Kagome said with a loving smile.
"Thank god. She just called me her fucking husband and I thought maybe all of the last eight years had been some sort of weird perfect dream."
"She wanted the movie star," Kagome said, leaning up to kiss him, "I wanted the man."
"Sango, babe, you gotta stand up, I can't hold you up much longer!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - "
Oh god, Miroku thought, struggling to pull his wife to her feet as she doubled over in loud, obnoxious laughter, they broke her. She broke.
"I'm gonna be so sore in the morning," Kagome whispered as she gently kicked off her high heels, "How you manage to walk around in these every day will always mystify me, Sango."
"Pain is weakness leaving the body," Sango whispered back, though Kagome didn't miss the happy sigh she gave when her bare feet were planted firmly on the tile floor.
"What time is it, Inuyasha?" Kagome leaned back into her husband's chest, now once again a full head shorter than him.
He checked his Rolex. "Three am."
"Everyone's probably asleep, then. I'm sure Kanna and Kohaku are too. I guess it all went alright here?"
Inuyasha smirked as he glanced around the dimly-lit living room. "I don't see anything on fire," he said, "Small victories."
"I'm beat," Miroku mumbled, "Where are you putting us up for the night?"
"East wing, anywhere," Kagome replied. "Find a bedroom. They're all ready to go."
"Why you people need this many rooms in a house with five people in it, I'll never know."
"So we can host freeloaders like you," Inuyasha retorted, his hand reaching around Kagome's shoulder to tuck her hair behind her ear.
"Ah, that's fair." Miroku slipped an arm around Sango's waist and bent to lift her in his arms, bridal-style. She clearly wasn't ready for it and let out a squeak of surprise, fighting him off. "Ow, Sango, ow, ow, please stop, my back isn't what it used to be and you're making this harder - "
"Put me down, Houshi! What the hell are you thinking?" Sango was obviously still trying very hard to whisper.
"It's Valentine's Day. Gotta be all romantic and shit. Gotta seduce you. Are you seduced yet?"
"Oh for fuck's sake - "
"Just let me do this, please. If I put you down now it'll be like I gave up."
"...Fine."
Kagome bit her lip, fighting back even more laughter as Sango gave an embarrassed little half-wave over Miroku's shoulder, and they disappeared down the hallway.
"He knows how big our house is, right?" Kagome leaned back and whispered out of the corner of her mouth.
"He'll remember in a few seconds." Inuyasha flashed that trademark smirk of his once again. "Well, now I feel like I should carry you to our bedroom. Because it's farther. And I want to win."
Kagome snorted. "Let's do it."
He bent to lift her, but she shrugged out of his grasp and ducked around behind him, jumping onto his back and linking her arms around his shoulders.
"I know I always say this," he said with a laugh as they started down the hall toward the master bedroom, "but I'm so glad you're a shrimp of a human being."
They passed through the threshold and closed the door, and then he paused, facing their bed with her still linked around his back. Kagome was just about to try and lower herself into a standing position when suddenly, Inuyasha bent forward at the waist, using his hands to flip her over his head and onto the bedspread. "SUPLEX!"
Kagome shrieked with laughter as she landed in an unceremonious heap on the soft bed covers. "Now I know where Axel gets it! It wasn't Ayame corrupting him at all, it was his dad the whole time!"
Inuyasha smirked at her devilishly as he slid onto the bed after her, crouching over her, his lips just brushing hers. "At least I didn't throw you into a wall."
"If you did I would destroy you."
"Oh, I'm scared."
"I'm serious," she said, leaning up to give him a kiss even as she was still shaking with laughter, "I'm talking scorched earth. Not even a body to bury."
He took her face in both hands and pulled her in to deepen the kiss, and she tangled her fingers in his long silvery hair.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Kiddo," he murmured when they parted to catch their breath.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Jerkface."
"Dad," Axel said at breakfast the next morning, "Did the Purry-tans really kill a lot of witches?"
The crowded breakfast table all paused mid-bite, except for Kanna, naturally, and Inuyasha nearly choked into his morning coffee.
"The who, honey?" Kagome asked, gently brushing an affectionate hand over her son's hair.
"The Purry-tans. Like in the movie."
Inuyasha gave a pointed gaze down to the other end of the table, where Kanna was on her third bowl of Froot Loops cereal and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. Miroku and Sango and Kagome all exchanged wide-eyed glances.
"What movie?" Inuyasha asked, still giving Kanna the stare-down of the century.
"'The Crucible,'" Kanna replied matter-of-factly, "You said nothing scary, so I went with educational instead."
"Aren't people shown being executed in that movie?"
"Yes," Kanna said, as next to her, Kohaku looked about ready to slide under the table in mortification, "Just as they were in the historical record."
"So it really did happen?" Axel asked insistently. "It seems like an awful way to die."
"It was indeed," Kanna answered him. "A great injustice, in my opinion."
Inuyasha planted both elbows on the table and smushed his hands over his face, mumbling something that sounded like "God dammit, Kanna."
"What did you say, Dad?"
"N-Nothing. Finish your breakfast, kid."