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Patrolling is supposed to some of the manliest of hero pursuits. Protecting civilians from secret dangers! Preventing horrific accidents! Striking fear and obedience into the hearts of would-be villains! A manly pursuit for only the strongest of heroes!

But today Unbreakable Hero Red Riot finds himself rescuing little old ladies’ cats from trees. Heroic, sure. Super manly and dangerous..? Eh. Debatable. No sweat off his back, though.

“Let’s get going, Hair-for-Brains. I didn’t come out here to watch your ass rescue rodents all day. I wanna get into some trouble.”

It was, however, sweat off of Bakugou’s back apparently.

Everything tended to be, really.

“Oi! Bakugou! Watch your mouth!” Kirishima gestures to the older woman standing by the blond’s side. They’re in the grass at a local park in the neighborhood they were patrolling today.

The blond sucks his teeth. Reluctantly, with his cheeks burning bright red, he turns to the older woman beside him. “My bad, granny. I just didn’t really sign up for all this boring sh— stuff. Ya know?” The woman smiles affectionately and pats the boy’s shoulder.

“It’s quite alright, dearie. I know how these things go. I thank you for all of your service. Even the ‘boring’ parts.” She winks at the two heroes-in-training in front of her and laughs a bit more. Bakugou appraises her with an approving look.

“I like you, granny. You’re good with me.” The blond turns back to Kirishima who is carefully descending the tall oak tree with a calico cat on his shoulders. “I’m gonna keep walkin’ the block, Shi—“ Bakugou pouts aggressively, presumably because he has to watch his pottymouth. “I mean, Red Riot. Don’t dawdle for too long, we got sh— stuff to do.”

The blond takes off to continue patrolling after giving the woman one last respectful nod goodbye. A little bit after, Kirishima finally has his feet on solid ground again. The cat lounging on his shoulders promptly leaps away from him and into the arms of his owner.

The older woman yelps with glee as she manages to catch the cat in her arms without dropping it. Kirishima smiles at the sight. Yeah, hero work wasn’t always excitement, but that’s okay. He likes the parts like this too.

“Thank you again, young man! I’d been trying to coax her out of that tree for hours. What a bad kitty, don’t you think?”

Kirishima laughs. “Aw, I don’t think she’s all that bad. A little more home-training and she’ll be just fine.” Kirishima pets the cat on the head and the feline purrs loudly. “Yeah, see? That’s a good girl!”

The woman watches on with a motherly smile at the sight. “I could say the same for your little boyfriend. With you teaching him how to be a proper gentleman, he’ll shape up in no time! You two make a fine pair, you know. A real good-looking duo! Back in my day, we had heroes like you two strutting everywhere, running villains out of style and going back to dinner-for-two within minutes! It was a grand ole time, honey!”

The woman is giggling and reminiscing so much that she doesn’t notice Kirishima turning as red as the hair on his head.

“Oh, no! No, no, no, ma’am! It’s not like that at all! Not at all!” Kirishima finds himself waving his hands around frantically and quickly stops out of embarrassment and exhaustion. How did Iida manage to do that every second of every day?

The woman pats his shoulder comfortingly. Her face is pulled into one of smug knowing. “I see the way that you two look at each other, dearie. It’s no secret. Don’t worry, though. This old lady won’t run to the press.” She gives Kirishima a wink and he thinks he can feel his face burn even hotter. “Run along now, I didn’t mean to fluster you, I just wanted you to let your friend know that he’s doing just fine. Splendidly! Tell ‘im to keep you around for awhile, you’re helping shape him into a nice, young man.”

Kirishima opens his mouth to protest again, but the woman shoos him away with another wink and a smile.

The hero-in-training walks back to his friend with many, many questions milling through his flustered mind.

By the time he catches up to Bakugou it has been several minutes, but his face is still dusted pink.

“What the hell took you so long? I was gettin’ ready to double back for your dumbass.” Bakugou’s all bark and no bite. Thinly veiled concern wears on his tone and his crimson colored eyes.

“Ah, no. I’m glad you didn’t. I was just talking to that old woman. She was giving us… advice. Sort of,” Kirishima rolls his eyes up to the sky in thought.

Bakugou wrinkles his nose in irritation. “I don’t need advice from an old ass hag in a bonnet, but what did she say anyway?”

The other boy rips his gaze away from the clouds above him to study the face of the blond next to him. After a few deliberating seconds he answers.

“She said we need glasses.”