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Love isn't Logical and neither is Jim Kirk

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1 Year 4 months and 8 Hours earlier



When Jim came to in the hospital, he felt a rush of panic and fear, his eyes scanning the room and remembering.

“Jim” Spock was standing by his side in a second and Jim smiled softly

“Spock” Jim croaked, his voice was heavy with emotion and he could see the emotion in Spock's eyes too “I died”

Spock’s eyes darkened “Affirmative”

Jim took a deep breath ”Khan?” Spock's eyes tightened in what Jim learned was anger but not at him. At Khan

”He is back where he belongs,” Spock said tightly

”Thank you” Jim murmured softly and Spock opened his mouth to say something like ”thanks are illogical” before Jim beat him to it ”just thank you”

”You are welcome” Spock responded before Bones came into the room and Jim smiled at him

”Do that to me again and I'll kill you” Bones grumbled as he checked Jim’s stats.

”Doctor I believe that would defeat the purpose” Spock stated, his hands behind his back the soft gaze he had for Jim was replaced with a Vulcan mask but Jim could tell he was teasing.

”Ah shut ya mouth, ya green-blooded hobgoblin” McCoy grumbled. Jim smiled happily as he listened to his two favorite people bicker. That last a good twenty minutes before Bones was called to attend another patient. Spock pulled out the chessboard and they played, easy conversation filling the silence. Before Jim knew it most of the day past and Spock looked exhausted.

”Spock go home,” Jim said softly as Spock made yet another mistake in chess. This was his third mistake. Spock never made mistakes ”How long since you slept?”

”Vulcans can go without sleep for-” Spock started but Jim interrupted

“I’ll be fine, Spock” Jim insisted “Go Get something to eat and get some sleep. Running yourself to the ground won’t help me get better, it would do the opposite.Go get some sleep,that's an order”

“I will be back tomorrow,” Spock said and Jim gave him a soft smile

”See you Spock” Jim whispered softly and was swiftly left with his thoughts


Jim couldn’t believe he was alive. It still didn’t make sense to him, how they had brought him back, well it made sense but it didn’t quite compute. Huh, now he was starting to sound like Spock. Spock. That was a thought. He didn’t even mention what Jim had confessed, was it because he didn’t feel the same and he wanted to spare Jim’s feelings? Oh shit. Uhura. That’s why he didn’t say anything, he was with Uhura and Jim had to go professing his feelings to the already confused Vulcan. What if he hurt Uhura?

Jim was dragged out of his thoughts when he heard a knock at the door “Come” Jim called and Amanda Grayson walked through the door with a warm smile on her lips.

“How are you feeling?” She asked softly, moving over to stand by Jim’s bed and he could tell she was worried by her eyes. Amanda was such a badass but she was also the most compassionate woman ever. Jim had instantly liked her and they became fast friends after Nero.

“Like I died from radiation poisoning” Jim croaked because his voice was raspy from lack of use. Amanda gave a sad smile and her eyes were filled with empathy. She just had that mother air around her, everything about her was welcoming but Jim had seen her get angry and damn, he never wanted to be on the receiving end of that.

“Where is Spock?” Amanda asked, changing the subject as to ease the tension.

“He went home to shower and eat” Jim replied “you actually just missed him”

“Oh well then I guess this soup is for you,” She said as she pulled a container out of the bag. As if she didn’t know Spock had just left and that the soup was fully intended for Jim.

“This is chicken noodle” Jim commented with a smile “Spock’s a vegan”

“Oops” Amanda feigned innocence and Jim just grinned at her before starting on the warm soup“My mistake”

“Thank you” Jim murmured “i.. just thank you”

“Has Commander Kirk stopped by yet?” Amanda asked and Jim shook his head. His mom had been awol from the moment of his birth it seemed. Of course she sent money and of course, she always stopped by every year. His mom just couldn’t deal with him and she dumped him to Frank who dumped him on Tarsus IV which dumped him back in Iowa, scared and alone. “I’m sure she will”

“I haven’t seen her in 5 years, Amanda. I doubt she will” Jim replied softly “she didn’t come back last time I almost died. She won’t this time” Amanda grew silent and watched Jim with compassion in her eyes. Jim didn’t feel like finishing the soup after that but he did for Amanda’s sake. The silence was soon filled with light chatter about the Enterprise or New Vulcan or Shakespeare. An hour past and Amanda stood to leave.

“Don’t think because of this you’re getting out of Vulcan lessons” Amanda teased as she gathered her things

“I wouldn’t dream of it” Jim chuckled “Thank you for stopping by”

“It was my pleasure” Amanda smiled and hugged him before walking out.



3 Months Earlier


It was a month into their 5-year mission and they were stopping by Starbase 2 for a milk run and a couple new recruits.

“A milk run not even a month into the mission” Jim grumbled to his first officer as they watched over the cargo transfer

“Based on your tone of voice, I assume you are unhappy” Spock replied

“Well yeah! We haven’t even gotten used to the Enterprise yet! We have to get into the flow of the crew and ship. A milk run doesn’t really help” Jim muttered to his first and Spock raised a brow, he opened his mouth to disagree probably when he was interrupted

“Jimmy!” A man called as he walked towards them with a big grin “or should I say, Captain Kirk!”

“Gary Mitchell, son of a bitch. Are you one of my new recruits ?” Jim asked

“Sadly not but I heard you were here and I thought to say hello” Gary grinned and Spock cleared his throat

“Oh yeah. This is my first officer Commander Spock” Jim grinned “Spock this was my friend from the Academy, Gary Mitchell”

“Friend? I was more than that Jimmy” Gary acting mock offended “Did our love mean nothing to you?”

“Captain, I believe we are on duty and required to speak to the admiralty before our departure” Spock interrupted the conversation. Spock didn’t like this Gary Mitchell and the way he looked at Jim. It had nothing to do with the day that Gary was Jim’s ex-boyfriend or that he was jealous. Not at all.

“Oh yeah. Well it was nice seeing you Gary” Jim smiled

“It was nice seeing you too Jim. If you got time before you leave give me a call, I’d like to take you to dinner” Gary smiled with a wink before Jim and Spock started walking away

“Gary Mitchell. Wow I’d never thought I’d see him again” Jim said with a nostalgic smile

“If I may make a personal inquiry,” Spock asked and Jim smiled at him

“Of course. You don’t have to ask” Jim reassured

“Gary Mitchell and yourself were in a romantic relationship,” Spock said and Jim nodded “Why did you terminate the relationship”

“He cheated on me. I know what you’re thinking, why are you friends then? Well at first we weren’t. I really loved him so I screamed and cried and all that but I got over it. Bones hates him but he isn’t so bad. Gary just doesn’t do long-term relationships and I understood that.” Jim explained and Spock decided that Gary Mitchell shouldn’t be caught alone with his Captain. Even if that meant keeping Jim busy the rest of their stay at the Starbase “Besides I got him back, I hacked a Starfleet and made him fail a semester”



8 Hours Earlier


“We still in for our chess match tonight?” Jim asked as the lift descended

“No complications have arisen to prevent my attendance” Spock replied and Jim smiled at the way he spoke. He loved the way he spoke. All logical and cute. He really did need to stop thinking about Spock being cute or hot or the fact he would rather spend time with Spock than do anything else.


“Good because I’m going to kick your ass” Kirk beamed and Spock raised an eyebrow at him.

“Engaging in physical violence does not seem to be necessary or logical” Spock watched as Jim rolled his eyes.

“No, but it might make it more fun” Jim winked at his first before exiting the lift. Spock blinked at his captain before following him down the hall.

Jim and Spock walked into the Medbay where the members of the science vessel were laying on the beds, having already been treated.

“How are our patients?” Jim inquired with an easy smile as McCoy gave him a grumpy look because Bones was always grumpy. Always.

“Medicated” McCoy responded “Nothin a regenerator and some rest can’t fix”

Jim and Spock made their way to the first bed where an Orion sat. “How are you holding up?”

“Better with the pain medication” The female responded and Jim chuckled “I’m Dr. Gali. I’m the ship's doctor”

“I’m Captain Jim Kirk” Jim introduced himself “and this is my First Commander Spock”

“Thank you for your help Captain,” Dr. Gali said “If not for this concussion, I’d have been able to handle the medical needs”

“I’m sure you would” Jim reassured, “Can you tell me any more about the mineral these pirates are after?”

“The mineral doesn’t have a scientific name as of yet and it has only recently been discovered. We discovered the mineral when we were examining the minerals on Vetga II when the team was knocked out by the dust. While scanning we found an unground bay filled with the mineral and we had planned to report to the federation once we had traced the origin. Commander Rickson suggested we load the mineral and contact the federation. After we departed the planet, we went to the planet of origin, only to discover the planet had been destroyed and was now acidic. The pirate ship attacked after we left the planet” Dr.Gali pushed the stray red hair from her face as she finished explaining “and then you guys showed up. Dr. Belr can explain further about the mineral itself, she was the lead geologist on this assignment”

“Thank you Dr.Gali,” Jim said before walking out of the room with Spock and Bones on his heels. “What is the likelihood of the pirates not coming back?”

“.56%” Spock replied causing Jim to groaned in response “They will return for the mineral”

“Alright, Mr. Spock go check with Dr.Belr and meet me in the ready room in an hour. I’ll go talk to Captain Talla th'Zarath” Jim patted Spock shoulder with a smile “I’ll see you in an hour”

Spock inclined his head, his eyes smiling at Jim and Jim couldn’t help but beam at his first. They continued to stare at each other until Jim realized he never took his hand off and he blushed taking his hand back with a shy smile.

“Captain” Spock nodded at him before walking out of the sickbay

Bones rolled his eyes “Idiots”

“Shut up Bones” Jim sent a mini glare and Bones gave a look, “I told him how I feel and he didn’t want that so we are friends”

“He is damn stupid” Bones grumbled “he’d be lucky to have you”

Jim grinned at his friend and slung an arm around his shoulder “Awe Bonesy”

“Now stop it you infant. I don’t need ya going around telling people I’m a softie” Bones pushes Jim’s arm off “I got work to do and so do you. Now shoo”

“I love you too Bones” Jim sang as he walked out of Medbay
-
“Captain Talla th'Zarat I’ve got a plan” Jim stated and the woman’s antenna twitched “These pirates that attacked are going to come back for that mineral. With a few adjustments, your ship can fit in my cargo bay. I doubt they will attempt to attack a Federation ship”

“You really believe that will work?” Talla asked and Jim nodded

“Your crew can stay in our guest quarters until we reach the next Starbase. Besides we out gun them if they try anything” Jim reasoned, it was a flawless plan really it was and he was sure Spock would agree.

“I’ll allow you to make the proper adjustments then” Talla nodded

“I’ll contact you when we are ready, Kirk out”
-
“You wanna do what now?” Scotty exclaimed, all the officers were gathered in the ready room, listening to their Captains plan

“It is unusual but logical” Spock stated but Jim could tell amusement shone in his eyes
-
Once the science vessel was safely put into the cargo bay, Jim stood with Spock in front of the mineral. Spock had his tricorder scanning away at the contained mineral. Two other members of the crew were scattered around the bay scanning the other findings.

“Fascinating. The mineral is encased in silicone” Spock stated, Jim observed the tiny vials with a curiosity

“They must have been making them into weapons,” Jim said, “How lucky of the science team to stumble upon it?”

“Luck is illogical. Furthermore, I do not believe they ‘stumbled’ on highly dangerous mineral being used in terrorist attacks” Spock replied, the side of his lip twitch upward and Jim smiled at him

“Well, I count myself lucky to be here with you so if that’s illogical that’s fine by me” Jim flirted causing Spock to blink rapidly at him. They stared into one another’s eyes until Uhura hailed them

“Captain there is a ship heading our direction” Uhura called over the communicator

“On our way. Yellow Alert. Kirk out” Jim replied, “Think they are back for round 2?”

“That is highly likely” Spock responded, following Jim to the door

“Damn I forgot my communicator” Jim cursed and jogged back to the box of minerals. When he picked up the communicator, a transporter beam surrounds him “Spock!”

“Jim!” Spock was running towards Kirk but by the time he got there his Captain was gone and the ship shook with an attack.


Present


As soon as the pirates were beamed up, Spock tore through them, knocking them down as he made his way towards their leaders Xonne and Xinella. Once he reached them he delivered a bone cracking punch to Xonne before throwing him to the security. Then he snarled as he threw Xinella off of his captain and into the wall as hard as he could.

“Jim” Spock whispered hovering above him and Jim’s eyes lit with recognition despite the pain that clouded his eyes. A slight smile lit Jim’s lips before he passed out and then Bones was there lifting him away.

Spock followed the medical team all the way to sickbay, watching his T’hy’la with concerned eyes. Everything buzzed around him but he could not tear his eyes from Jim.

His T’hy’la laid there covered in cuts, bruises, and his own blood. Spock wanted so much to go back and tear those people apart for hurting Jim. Hatred was illogical. Spock hated Khan. Spock hated Xenno and Xinella. He burned with it and wanted to break and tear until he could no longer recognize their faces. It is true Vulcan were pacifists but they weren’t always. His blood called for blood. The old Earth saying, came to mind “an eye for an eye”.

“He’s seizing” McCoy shouted “the bone must have pierced his lung. Nurse get me-“ Spock couldn’t even hear what was being said all he could see was Jim. Every instinct told him to push everyone away and hold him until he was better but that wouldn’t help his captain. Jim needed medical attention and it was his job as the first officer to take care of the ship while the Captain was unable. Spock composed himself and walked briskly out of Medbay.  1+1=2, 2+2=4, math equations filtered through his head in an attempt to calm himself.

Spock clenched his fists and took a deep breath before going to the bridge.
-
Jim blinked his eyes open, only to shut them again. His head was throbbing and he felt exhausted. His body felt numb but also stiff as if he put on new jeans and was breaking it in. He felt vulnerable. Where was Spock?Was he in sickbay? “Spock?”

“Sorry, darlin but it’s just me” Bones replied softly. It wasn’t like Bones to be gentle unless it was bad. Real bad. Bones always reacted with grumpiness.

“Bones?” Jim rasped because his throat was raw. From what? And then it all came back. The cuts, the broken bones, the torture, the mental violation, and pain. They were in his head. They were in his head.

“Whoa, Jim. Calm down. You’re alright” Bones soothed and Jim turned his bleary eyes to Bones who was gently rubbing his back. Jim closed his eyes and listened to the soothing words trying to get himself under control. They were in the private room which was dubbed ‘The Captain's Quarters’ because he was there so often.

“Where’s Spock?” Jim finally asked

“I’ll call him. He is on the bridge.” Bones left the room to do so and Jim just combed through his mental faculties. The pain was throbbing as if someone had left an open wound in his brain. Bones walked back in with a glass of water in hand “Drink this. You’re dehydrated”

“Isn’t that what Hypos are for?” Jim tried to tease but it ended up sounding croaky and sad

“You’re lucky I took an oath” Bones grumbled before his eyes soften “I was worried about ya kid. We all were”

“Thanks, Bones” Jim responded with a small smile before Spock came in “Spock”

“Jim” Spock breathes and he was at Jim’s side in a second, their eyes locked. Jim expected Spock to pull back into himself and put on his ‘I am Vulcan and feel nothing but pure logic’ mask but he didn’t. He stared back at Jim open as he was the day Jim laid dying. Before he knew what was happening Spock pulled him into a hug. A HUG. Spock and hugs don’t normally make sense. Spock hates people touching him or touching other people. Jim, of course, didn’t waste time and hugged him back because it was Spock. Jim would destroy the Enterprise for him. The stiff feeling only increased in discomfort as the hug went on but Jim could not give a single fuck about that.

“I do not know if it is still welcome but I cherish thee” Spock had pulled back to look at Jim’s face and his large hand was cupping his cheek.

“Of course it’s welcome, Spock. Why wouldn’t it be?” Jim replied

“You have confessed your romantic feelings for me 1.456 years ago” Spock stayed with something like wonder in his eyes “I did not know if your feelings have changed.”


Jim beamed at him, his heart was swelling with happiness “of course I do, Spock. I love you”

Spock offered his two fingers to Jim and Jim smiled putting his own against Spock’s “This is a Vulcan kiss” Spock said softly

“Your mom told me” Jim grinned causing Spock to raise his eyebrow in response before Jim used his other hand to pull Spock into a gentle kiss. They stayed like that kissing softly and holding on another because basking in this feeling was everything. Eventually, Spock pulled away in order to gaze into Jim’s eyes

“I am gratified you are safe. Watching you suffer was… difficult” Spock said softly and Jim pulled him into another hug, gripping him tightly

“I was so scared” Jim shuttered, his voice wavering “she was in my head and it hurt so fucking bad. It still hurts”

Spock pulled back to look at him “If you would permit, T’hy’la, I could repair the damage she had done”

“You called me T’hy’la” Jim grinned at him

“Yes, you are T’hy’la. I assume you already knew?” Spock questioned

“The other Spock told me. Friend, brother, lover. In his universe, they were together as all three but I assumed when you didn’t say anything only friend and brother applied” Jim explained and Spock shook his head

“When you died, I felt hatred that I had never before possessed. It consumed me. I couldn’t think of anything but killing Khan and getting revenge. I was afraid of the emotions you inspired” Spock replied softly “I was incorrect in my actions”

“It doesn’t matter anymore” Jim murmured as he pulled him into a slow kiss “T’hy’la. Meld with me”

Spock nodded bringing his fingers to Jim’s psi points before whispering “my thoughts to your thoughts”

Going into Jim’s mind was like coming home, everything is welcoming Spock in and he embraced the warm sun of his T’hy’la. He quickly found the area causing pain and alleviated it, Xinella was causing the pain but didn’t leave any permanent damage but it still was a wound.

Spock slipped out of the meld with Jim, knowing if he went deeper or explored he would bond them and he wanted to ask Jim for permission first.

“Thank you” Jim breathed “it doesn’t hurt any more or everything else does but not my head”

“I will call Dr.McCoy” Spock stated as he stood and disregarded Jim’s protests.

“No no. He already shot me with more painkillers before he left” Jim reasoned “It’ll just take time to settle”

Spock returned to his bedside with a suspicious gaze before moving to check his chart, double checking.

“Don’t you trust me?” Jim grumbled and Spock fixed him with a pointed look

“Indefinitely excluding your own safety” Spock took Jim’s hand in his own again and Jim snorted

“What’d you do with Xinella and Xonne?” Jim asked and Spock stiffened

“They remain in the brig. I advised Admiral Wong of my intention to return them to their planets to face trial” Spock responded

“Good,” Jim said quietly before yawning
“I will leave you to rest” Spock stated and Jim grabbed his arm

 “Can you- Can you stay?” He asked softly, his eyes held vulnerability in them and Spock nodded. Jim sighed in relief and scooted over in his bed before tapping the bed. Spock slid into bed beside him wrapping his arms around Jim so his back was to Spock's front. Soon both fell asleep.