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Love isn't Logical and neither is Jim Kirk

Chapter Text

 

2 years 6 months and 8 hours earlier

Spock rushed his mother and the elders out of the cave with haste. The planet was collapsing. When he got outside the cave, the illogical Cadet Kirk waited

 

“Beam us up” Jim shouted into the communicator and the ground rumbled beneath them. The tell-tale signs of the transported beam, surrounded them and the cliff was falling, his mother was on the edge. As Spock realized what was happening, Kirk had grabbed his mother and grabbed hold of Spock’s shirt.

 

They landed safety on the Enterprise. Amanda Grayson was shell-shocked and her fingers were clutching at Jim’s arm before she let go quickly.

 

“Thank you” Ananda whispered to Jim before she was pulled into an embrace by her son. Her voice soothing even in Vulcan as she rubbed his back and took hold of Sareks hand. Jim sat there if only for a moment, he was wrong about the Vulcan.




1 Year 4 months and 8 Hours earlier

“I’m scared Spock” Jim rasped, staring at his first officer through the glass of the containment chamber but he was not just his first officer. He was so much more to Jim, he loved him, in every sense of the word. James T. Kirk was in love and he was dying. Jim could feel death kissing his aching muscles and the cold dread that accompanied it. He has almost died countless time but this time is different. There is no one that could save him now. There isn’t any possibilities to come out of this alright. He survived Frank, he survived Tarsus IV, he survived telepathic attacks, he survived torture and yet he was glad this was how he would die. He would die saving the people he held most dear. “Help me not be.” Jim could feel his tears slipping down his cheek as he drew in a painful breath “How do you choose not to feel?”

 

“I do not know” Spock replied the emotion in his voice was evident, far more evident then Jim had ever heard. Not since Vulcan’s destruction. “Right now, I’m failing” Those beautiful brown eyes stared heartbroken back into Jim’s blue was. They were not the blue Spock knew, he had seen Jim’s eyes be different shades of blue based on his emotions but never had he seen this one. This one was glassy with tears and fear, it was bright compared to the bloodshot eyes but unnaturally so.

 

“I want you to know why I couldn’t let you die” Jim panted, he needed to tell Spock how he felt, it was selfish but he had to. He couldn’t let the Vulcan go another day without telling him he was loved. “Why I went back for you”

 

“Because you are my friend” Spock finished for him, a tear sliding down his cheek and it broke Jim’s heart. He could feel himself sleeping away, so he reached for Spock, placing his hand on the glass and Spock mirrored his.

 

“You are my friend” Jim whispered as he smiled softly at the Vulcan “and it’s because I love you. I’m in love with you” Spock’s eyes widened and more tears slipped down his cheek in his shock. Jim smiled softly before pain twisted his features and he coughed, blood on his tongue before the tentacles of death took him.

 

8 Hours earlier

Jim signed the pad Yeoman Janice gave him with a sigh. They had been star charting for days and the bridge was dead with boredom or Jim was dying of boredom “Thank you Yeoman” Jim handed the pad back to her, she smiled and turned to leave. Jim smiled internally as an idea came to his mind to lighten the mood “wait I have a question for you”

 

“Yes, Captain?” Janice responded, turning her attention to the captain

 

“What kind of deal with the devil did you make for your hair to stay upright?” Jim inquired with a complete straight face and Janice let out a laugh. The other members on the bridge broke into a smile at the ridiculous question, that got the bridge talking a bit more and frankly, Jim really did prefer listening to Chekhov claims of Russia than the bored silence beforehand because bored silence meant thinking about growing old and having kids with Spock. Which really? Why couldn’t Jim daydream about riding his dick, which he did, but more frequently he day dreamed about getting married or breakfast in bed. Love sucked sometimes.

 

“Captain we are being hailed” Uhura called her eyes moving from her station to Jim “It is a distress signal. A science vessel is under attack by pirates”

 

“Plot of course Mr. Chekov” Jim ordered, going into full captain mode “Warp 8 on my signal”

 

“Aye Keptain” Chekov responded

 

“Ready, Captain” Sulu said waiting for the order

 

“Punch it” Jim responded and soon they were zooming across the stars towards the signal.

 

-

 

“Arrival in 3 2 1” Sulu counted down, the ship stopped. The pirate ship was nowhere in sight but evidently had been going off the damage to the science vessel

 

“Mr. Spock report”

 

“It is a science vessel from Delta VIII, although records report they should be in Alpha quadrant. The vessel has undergone 67.7% damage. They can be fully functional in 2.34 earth days.”

 

“Lieutenant, hailing frequencies” Jim felt uneasy about this like something wasn’t quite right with this. Why would the science vessel reported to be in Alpha quadrant be in Delta?

 

“Hailing frequencies open, sir” Uhura responded

 

“This is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. We received your distress signal and have come to offer you aid.” Jim broadcasted and a second later an Andorian woman appeared on screen, her white hair tied up in a tight knot between her antennas. She looked anywhere between thirty to forty years old with a strong jaw and a stern gaze.

 

“Captain Kirk. I’m CaptainTalla th'Zarath. we were ambushed by those pirates but they seemed to have fled upon your arrival. We appreciate the aid” Talla th'Zarath said

 

“All we did was scare them off. What are you guys doing in Delta? According to my First, you are recorded to be in Alpha” Jim asked his smile that he saved for diplomats, The antenna of the Captain twitched before she smiled and shook her head.

 

“We traced a mineral back to this solar system. The Xeres Solar System held this mineral but it wasn’t its place of origin.” Talla th'Zarath responded “The mineral, which has yet to be named, is capable of rendering anyone who encounters It unconscious.”

 

“Well you and your crew are welcome to any repairs or medical supplies that the Enterprise has to offer, Captain” Jim replied with a sincere smile

 

“Our vessel does not have a fully stocked medical bay, we were on our way to Star Base 2 when we pursued the minerals trail. Four members of my crew are injured but not fatally” Talla th'Zarath  “Among the injured is our doctor. I would appreciate the aid”

 

“I’ll have the patients beamed into our sickbay and healed up in no time. Meanwhile, I’ll have my engineers working on the repairs” Jim offered, his smile holding in place even though he felt off. She looked off somehow. It was her eyes that told a different story than her mouth did.

 

“That is suitable. Thank you, Captain Kirk. We will await your signal” Talla th'Zarath said before the view screen went back to that of the nearly destroyed vessel. Kirk rattled orders to medical and engineering before moving over to Spock’s science station and leaning against it.

 

“Did something seem off or was it just me?” Jim asked, his voice low so only Spock could hear it.

 

“What do you refer to as ‘off’, sir?” Spock replied smoothly

 

“You know what I mean.Don’t even play that card, I’ve talked to your Mother” Jim huffed and Spock raised an eyebrow, looking alarmed, well for a Vulcan but Jim has gotten good at reading Spock.

 

“When did you converse with my Mother?” Spock asked, his voice was neutral as always

 

“She came and saw me in the hospital. She is kinda like my pen pal after the whole saving her from dying thing” Jim responded “By the way, why did you never tell me about I-Chaya? He sounded super awesome”

 

Spock just blinked at him and it reminded Jim of when a computer shorted out. It was adorable and it made Jim feel all warm inside.

 

“Come on Mr.Spock let’s go greet our guests” Jim nudged Spock’s shoulder and started walking towards the lift, knowing the Vulcan was following “Sulu you’ve got the conn”





Present

“We are receiving visual” Uhura said

 

“On screen” Spock responded, a Xindi appeared on screen with a twisted smile and a dark look in his eye. Beside him was Jim gagged and strapped to a torture chair. Jim was struggling against the bindings and glaring fiercely at his captors.

 

The pirate smiled sickly at the camera that was broadcasting to the Enterprise, the bridge crew watched with wide eyes at the alien on screen.“Commander Spock, I am Captain Xonne, we have your captain. If we don’t have that mineral from that science vessel in thirty minutes then Captain Kirk isn’t going to enjoy his stay very much”

 

“You have abducted and assaulted a Starfleet Captain. According to feder-“ Spock was cut off by the sound of snapping bone followed by Jim’s shout of pain.

 

“Twenty minutes” Xonne smirked and cut off the connection. The bridge was silent for a second before the voices of the bridge crew all spoke at once. Spock was still staring at where the image had been and he took a second to calm the storm within him.

 

“Get me all the information on Xonne and his ship” Spock spoke evenly.

 

“Xonne is part of the Xindi species, they are composed of six subspecies-avian, arboreal, primate, reptilian, insect, and aquatic. They were at war with Earth, killing millions of humans. They are a warlike species and not friendly towards the Federation.” Uhura supplied “Xonne was cast out of his family after killing his brother and soon after joined the black market. He is guilty of theft, selling of illegal items, rape, and murder on his home world and 34 other planets.”

 

Sulu picked up after Uhura after finishing his scans “The ship we are seeing isn’t the one they are on. The ship is being remote controlled by another but the signal is too erratic to track. Wherever they have him, it has to be in this solar system at least”

 

“Lieutenant Uhura please inform Doctor McCoy and Commander Scott of the situation” Spock ordered and moved out of his chair to the science station to start running through the solar system, searching for signs of where they could be.

 

-

“Oh screen,” Uhura said as the video feed covered the viewer again.

 

“Time is up” Xonne stated, in his hand was a long knife, a glance at Jim showed that his nose had been broken but the gag was still in place “What is your conclusion?”

 

“The Federation does not negotiate with pirates or concede to the demands of a criminal” Spock responded coldly

 

“Then you will watch your Captain die” Xonne growled as he slid the knife over Jim’s muscular torso causing him to cry out and thick blood to seep from the open wound. “Order your crew to give me the mineral” Xonne growled at Jim as he snapped one of Jim’s fingers causing the man to cry out again.

 

“Go to hell” Jim hissed or tried to through the gag before crying out again as Xonne broke his wrist with a sickening crack. Jim groaned in pain but he was glad it was him and not his crew.

 

“Every spirit can be broken, not a matter of if but when” Xonne responded as he finished breaking the remainder of Jim’s fingers. “I’m going too easy on you, aren’t I?” Xonne pressed a call button “Xinella ”

 

“Lieutenant” Spock started as he watched the woman enter the room. Xinella walked over to Jim and then looked at the screen with a smirk.

 

“Xinella is a Viellex, Viellex are well known for their telepathic ability and were denied entry into the federation because of their deceptive and violent lifestyle. Xinella is wanted for murder, theft, assault. After the death of her wife and children by a government accident, she went psychotic and joined up with Xenno. She is known to torture her victims to death in front of their loved ones and leaving them alive”  Uhura reported, her voice wavering at the end.

 

“They are watching” Xonne murmured to her “They have the Deverk mineral we need”

 

“He will talk” Xinella responded as she took a knife from her thigh holster and started to cut into Jim’s skin. She cut deep enough to draw blood but not enough to kill him. Jim was screaming, the bridge just watched the scene before them, all of them helpless to stop their captain from being brutally torn into.

 

Spock’s hands gripped the armrest so tight the metal groaned under the stress, every part of him was screaming to kill those who would dare touch Jim. Jim who already died once for his crew and constantly threw himself in the fire for them. Jim who had smiled softly over the chess board, talking softly about his favorite literature or whatever the topic may be. Spock didn’t know if he could lose Jim again, when he watched the light leave those blue eyes and the rage consumed him. His Vulcan blood demanded he take revenge upon those who laid their hands on his… friend. But Jim was so much more than that. He was… he was T’hy’la. Spock had tried to fight his affections for so long but he could no longer deny them.

 

After Jim died in the warp core and confessed his love to Spock. Spock had broken it off with Uhura and went about ignoring his own feelings. Not once did he bring up what Jim said while he laid dying. Spock didn’t want to remember those frightened blue eyes and the rasped words. Spock was afraid, illogical, to give into what he felt for him.

 

Jim had attempted to bring it up but Spock often changed the subject, he was illogically a coward.

 

If Jim were to die without knowing… no, he would not allow Jim to die again. He would not allow it. The captain screams filled the bridge and his blood boiled with rage.

 

“Lieutenant any word from Starfleet?” Spock growled and stood hastily from the Captain's chair. His action was illogical but he couldn’t help it. He needed his Captain, his T’hy’la back.

 

“None yet, sir” Nyota responded. She was doing remarkably well keeping a straight face as the Captains screams continued on.

 

“Call Dr. McCoy and Commander Scott to the bridge” Spock turned to Chekov “Search all planets for signs of the ship”

 

“Aye, sir” Chekov responded and went to work at the science station. Bones and Scotty got to the Bridge a second later.

 

“Jim! Spock, what the hell is going on?” McCoy demanded as he took in the screen and Scotty gasped in horror at the sight. Anger and grief were burning in both of their eyes as they watched.

 

“They are attempting to pressure us into giving in by torturing the Captain in front of us” Spock replied curtly and McCoy's eyes widened.

 

“My god” McCoy breathed as he watched them snap another of Jim’s ribs.

 

“Dr. McCoy it is prudent for you to asses the captain's injuries instead of just watching” Spock replied

 

“I cannae keep listenin, Commander,” Scotty said as he watched “Turn it off, lassie”

 

Uhura shook her head “No. He is there because of us. Because he would die for us. He is our captain and we will suffer with him. I don’t want him to suffer alone” The bridge was silent except for the sound of their captain's pain and they all started working silently again.

 

McCoy, Spock and most of the crew could do nothing but watch. They were scanning everything but there is only so much you can do. As illogical as it was, Spock hated Xenno and Xinella, he wanted to tear them apart, he wanted to beat them as he beat Khan.

 

Jim was not doing well. His entire body felt like it was burning and the cuts wouldn’t stop but it wasn’t the worst thing he had gone through. The worst was Tarsus IV. Nothing could top that or he hoped that was the worst thing. Xinella kept cutting into him and snapping bones and Jim didn’t know how long he could take it before he passed out. His voice was raw from his screams and all he wanted to do was go back to the Enterprise and play chess with Spock. Spock was an amazing distraction. He was everything to him, well not everything but nearly everything. Jim loved Spock since Nero really, it was just like the dumb movies when you see someone and you know they are like your soulmate. Yeah, that was it. Spock just fit with him.

 

Xinella cracked yet another rip and something like fire zipped through him causing him to scream loudly. “No no no. You don’t get to die yet. I haven’t gotten into your head” his torturer purred

 

Jim panted around the gag in his mouth and glared at the woman with a burning hate “Fuck you”

 

“Are you ready to give up the mineral?” Xenno asked the crew whose eyes were all trained on the screen

 

“No. We will not” Spock’s response, his voice was tight and Jim could tell he was pissed.

 

“I will give you one more time to tell your crew to hand it over” Xenno threatened as he took out the gag in his mouth.

 

“Spock,” Jim said but it came out as a whimper and Spock’s sharp gaze met his and Jim whimpered out in Vulcan “no engines. Cold”

 

Jim had been learning Vulcan for Spock ever since Nero. He wanted him to be able to speak it with someone else besides Uhura on the ship and it might have come in handy. That’s why he was chatting with Amanda, she was teaching him Vulcan, well her and Uhura were.

 

Spock's eyes widen slightly. Jim wasn’t on a ship meaning he was planetside. There were only two planets in the solar system class M.

 

“Shut up” Xinella growled and smacked him in the face “what did you say?” The woman grabbed his face and squeezed his jaw. Jim looked at her spitefully and spit in her face. The look on her face was worth the pain shooting through his body.

 

Xinella was using her telepathic abilities to trigger his pain nerves and Jim was screaming again

 

“Plot course for Vega 6” Spock ordered, it was the only class M planet in an ice age. Of course, Jim could be incoherent but it was his only chance.  

 

The Enterprise zoomed towards its destination, arriving at Vega 6 in no time. “Scan the surface for any shelters or underground bunkers” Spock ordered, he was on his feet staring at his captain withering in pain

 

“Eight life forms below” Ensign Vo reported “It is an underground facility, once used by the natives before the Ice Age killed them”

 

“Dr. McCoy, Commander Scott follow me to the transporter room and await the captain's arrival. Have a security team join you. We are beaming them aboard. Sulu you have the Conn”  Spock barely gave a glance to the two senior officers as they rushed into the lift, his eyes were trained on his captain.

 

“Ready, Mr. Spock” Scotty called over the line

 

“Energize” Spock responded, his body tense and ready to attack the things keeping him from his T’hy’la

 

All Jim could feel was that his body was burning from the inside out. Everything hurt and he was fighting a losing battle. One thing he knew he was withering under the pain and the next was the phaser fire mixed with shouts.  

Then there was Spock looming over him and Bones barking orders as he was lifted from the ground on to a stretcher. Jim groaned in pain as he was moved and soon the drug took effect making him pass out.

 

Chapter Text

1 Year 4 months and 8 Hours earlier



When Jim came to in the hospital, he felt a rush of panic and fear, his eyes scanning the room and remembering.

“Jim” Spock was standing by his side in a second and Jim smiled softly

“Spock” Jim croaked, his voice was heavy with emotion and he could see the emotion in Spock's eyes too “I died”

Spock’s eyes darkened “Affirmative”

Jim took a deep breath ”Khan?” Spock's eyes tightened in what Jim learned was anger but not at him. At Khan

”He is back where he belongs,” Spock said tightly

”Thank you” Jim murmured softly and Spock opened his mouth to say something like ”thanks are illogical” before Jim beat him to it ”just thank you”

”You are welcome” Spock responded before Bones came into the room and Jim smiled at him

”Do that to me again and I'll kill you” Bones grumbled as he checked Jim’s stats.

”Doctor I believe that would defeat the purpose” Spock stated, his hands behind his back the soft gaze he had for Jim was replaced with a Vulcan mask but Jim could tell he was teasing.

”Ah shut ya mouth, ya green-blooded hobgoblin” McCoy grumbled. Jim smiled happily as he listened to his two favorite people bicker. That last a good twenty minutes before Bones was called to attend another patient. Spock pulled out the chessboard and they played, easy conversation filling the silence. Before Jim knew it most of the day past and Spock looked exhausted.

”Spock go home,” Jim said softly as Spock made yet another mistake in chess. This was his third mistake. Spock never made mistakes ”How long since you slept?”

”Vulcans can go without sleep for-” Spock started but Jim interrupted

“I’ll be fine, Spock” Jim insisted “Go Get something to eat and get some sleep. Running yourself to the ground won’t help me get better, it would do the opposite.Go get some sleep,that's an order”

“I will be back tomorrow,” Spock said and Jim gave him a soft smile

”See you Spock” Jim whispered softly and was swiftly left with his thoughts


Jim couldn’t believe he was alive. It still didn’t make sense to him, how they had brought him back, well it made sense but it didn’t quite compute. Huh, now he was starting to sound like Spock. Spock. That was a thought. He didn’t even mention what Jim had confessed, was it because he didn’t feel the same and he wanted to spare Jim’s feelings? Oh shit. Uhura. That’s why he didn’t say anything, he was with Uhura and Jim had to go professing his feelings to the already confused Vulcan. What if he hurt Uhura?

Jim was dragged out of his thoughts when he heard a knock at the door “Come” Jim called and Amanda Grayson walked through the door with a warm smile on her lips.

“How are you feeling?” She asked softly, moving over to stand by Jim’s bed and he could tell she was worried by her eyes. Amanda was such a badass but she was also the most compassionate woman ever. Jim had instantly liked her and they became fast friends after Nero.

“Like I died from radiation poisoning” Jim croaked because his voice was raspy from lack of use. Amanda gave a sad smile and her eyes were filled with empathy. She just had that mother air around her, everything about her was welcoming but Jim had seen her get angry and damn, he never wanted to be on the receiving end of that.

“Where is Spock?” Amanda asked, changing the subject as to ease the tension.

“He went home to shower and eat” Jim replied “you actually just missed him”

“Oh well then I guess this soup is for you,” She said as she pulled a container out of the bag. As if she didn’t know Spock had just left and that the soup was fully intended for Jim.

“This is chicken noodle” Jim commented with a smile “Spock’s a vegan”

“Oops” Amanda feigned innocence and Jim just grinned at her before starting on the warm soup“My mistake”

“Thank you” Jim murmured “i.. just thank you”

“Has Commander Kirk stopped by yet?” Amanda asked and Jim shook his head. His mom had been awol from the moment of his birth it seemed. Of course she sent money and of course, she always stopped by every year. His mom just couldn’t deal with him and she dumped him to Frank who dumped him on Tarsus IV which dumped him back in Iowa, scared and alone. “I’m sure she will”

“I haven’t seen her in 5 years, Amanda. I doubt she will” Jim replied softly “she didn’t come back last time I almost died. She won’t this time” Amanda grew silent and watched Jim with compassion in her eyes. Jim didn’t feel like finishing the soup after that but he did for Amanda’s sake. The silence was soon filled with light chatter about the Enterprise or New Vulcan or Shakespeare. An hour past and Amanda stood to leave.

“Don’t think because of this you’re getting out of Vulcan lessons” Amanda teased as she gathered her things

“I wouldn’t dream of it” Jim chuckled “Thank you for stopping by”

“It was my pleasure” Amanda smiled and hugged him before walking out.



3 Months Earlier


It was a month into their 5-year mission and they were stopping by Starbase 2 for a milk run and a couple new recruits.

“A milk run not even a month into the mission” Jim grumbled to his first officer as they watched over the cargo transfer

“Based on your tone of voice, I assume you are unhappy” Spock replied

“Well yeah! We haven’t even gotten used to the Enterprise yet! We have to get into the flow of the crew and ship. A milk run doesn’t really help” Jim muttered to his first and Spock raised a brow, he opened his mouth to disagree probably when he was interrupted

“Jimmy!” A man called as he walked towards them with a big grin “or should I say, Captain Kirk!”

“Gary Mitchell, son of a bitch. Are you one of my new recruits ?” Jim asked

“Sadly not but I heard you were here and I thought to say hello” Gary grinned and Spock cleared his throat

“Oh yeah. This is my first officer Commander Spock” Jim grinned “Spock this was my friend from the Academy, Gary Mitchell”

“Friend? I was more than that Jimmy” Gary acting mock offended “Did our love mean nothing to you?”

“Captain, I believe we are on duty and required to speak to the admiralty before our departure” Spock interrupted the conversation. Spock didn’t like this Gary Mitchell and the way he looked at Jim. It had nothing to do with the day that Gary was Jim’s ex-boyfriend or that he was jealous. Not at all.

“Oh yeah. Well it was nice seeing you Gary” Jim smiled

“It was nice seeing you too Jim. If you got time before you leave give me a call, I’d like to take you to dinner” Gary smiled with a wink before Jim and Spock started walking away

“Gary Mitchell. Wow I’d never thought I’d see him again” Jim said with a nostalgic smile

“If I may make a personal inquiry,” Spock asked and Jim smiled at him

“Of course. You don’t have to ask” Jim reassured

“Gary Mitchell and yourself were in a romantic relationship,” Spock said and Jim nodded “Why did you terminate the relationship”

“He cheated on me. I know what you’re thinking, why are you friends then? Well at first we weren’t. I really loved him so I screamed and cried and all that but I got over it. Bones hates him but he isn’t so bad. Gary just doesn’t do long-term relationships and I understood that.” Jim explained and Spock decided that Gary Mitchell shouldn’t be caught alone with his Captain. Even if that meant keeping Jim busy the rest of their stay at the Starbase “Besides I got him back, I hacked a Starfleet and made him fail a semester”



8 Hours Earlier


“We still in for our chess match tonight?” Jim asked as the lift descended

“No complications have arisen to prevent my attendance” Spock replied and Jim smiled at the way he spoke. He loved the way he spoke. All logical and cute. He really did need to stop thinking about Spock being cute or hot or the fact he would rather spend time with Spock than do anything else.


“Good because I’m going to kick your ass” Kirk beamed and Spock raised an eyebrow at him.

“Engaging in physical violence does not seem to be necessary or logical” Spock watched as Jim rolled his eyes.

“No, but it might make it more fun” Jim winked at his first before exiting the lift. Spock blinked at his captain before following him down the hall.

Jim and Spock walked into the Medbay where the members of the science vessel were laying on the beds, having already been treated.

“How are our patients?” Jim inquired with an easy smile as McCoy gave him a grumpy look because Bones was always grumpy. Always.

“Medicated” McCoy responded “Nothin a regenerator and some rest can’t fix”

Jim and Spock made their way to the first bed where an Orion sat. “How are you holding up?”

“Better with the pain medication” The female responded and Jim chuckled “I’m Dr. Gali. I’m the ship's doctor”

“I’m Captain Jim Kirk” Jim introduced himself “and this is my First Commander Spock”

“Thank you for your help Captain,” Dr. Gali said “If not for this concussion, I’d have been able to handle the medical needs”

“I’m sure you would” Jim reassured, “Can you tell me any more about the mineral these pirates are after?”

“The mineral doesn’t have a scientific name as of yet and it has only recently been discovered. We discovered the mineral when we were examining the minerals on Vetga II when the team was knocked out by the dust. While scanning we found an unground bay filled with the mineral and we had planned to report to the federation once we had traced the origin. Commander Rickson suggested we load the mineral and contact the federation. After we departed the planet, we went to the planet of origin, only to discover the planet had been destroyed and was now acidic. The pirate ship attacked after we left the planet” Dr.Gali pushed the stray red hair from her face as she finished explaining “and then you guys showed up. Dr. Belr can explain further about the mineral itself, she was the lead geologist on this assignment”

“Thank you Dr.Gali,” Jim said before walking out of the room with Spock and Bones on his heels. “What is the likelihood of the pirates not coming back?”

“.56%” Spock replied causing Jim to groaned in response “They will return for the mineral”

“Alright, Mr. Spock go check with Dr.Belr and meet me in the ready room in an hour. I’ll go talk to Captain Talla th'Zarath” Jim patted Spock shoulder with a smile “I’ll see you in an hour”

Spock inclined his head, his eyes smiling at Jim and Jim couldn’t help but beam at his first. They continued to stare at each other until Jim realized he never took his hand off and he blushed taking his hand back with a shy smile.

“Captain” Spock nodded at him before walking out of the sickbay

Bones rolled his eyes “Idiots”

“Shut up Bones” Jim sent a mini glare and Bones gave a look, “I told him how I feel and he didn’t want that so we are friends”

“He is damn stupid” Bones grumbled “he’d be lucky to have you”

Jim grinned at his friend and slung an arm around his shoulder “Awe Bonesy”

“Now stop it you infant. I don’t need ya going around telling people I’m a softie” Bones pushes Jim’s arm off “I got work to do and so do you. Now shoo”

“I love you too Bones” Jim sang as he walked out of Medbay
-
“Captain Talla th'Zarat I’ve got a plan” Jim stated and the woman’s antenna twitched “These pirates that attacked are going to come back for that mineral. With a few adjustments, your ship can fit in my cargo bay. I doubt they will attempt to attack a Federation ship”

“You really believe that will work?” Talla asked and Jim nodded

“Your crew can stay in our guest quarters until we reach the next Starbase. Besides we out gun them if they try anything” Jim reasoned, it was a flawless plan really it was and he was sure Spock would agree.

“I’ll allow you to make the proper adjustments then” Talla nodded

“I’ll contact you when we are ready, Kirk out”
-
“You wanna do what now?” Scotty exclaimed, all the officers were gathered in the ready room, listening to their Captains plan

“It is unusual but logical” Spock stated but Jim could tell amusement shone in his eyes
-
Once the science vessel was safely put into the cargo bay, Jim stood with Spock in front of the mineral. Spock had his tricorder scanning away at the contained mineral. Two other members of the crew were scattered around the bay scanning the other findings.

“Fascinating. The mineral is encased in silicone” Spock stated, Jim observed the tiny vials with a curiosity

“They must have been making them into weapons,” Jim said, “How lucky of the science team to stumble upon it?”

“Luck is illogical. Furthermore, I do not believe they ‘stumbled’ on highly dangerous mineral being used in terrorist attacks” Spock replied, the side of his lip twitch upward and Jim smiled at him

“Well, I count myself lucky to be here with you so if that’s illogical that’s fine by me” Jim flirted causing Spock to blink rapidly at him. They stared into one another’s eyes until Uhura hailed them

“Captain there is a ship heading our direction” Uhura called over the communicator

“On our way. Yellow Alert. Kirk out” Jim replied, “Think they are back for round 2?”

“That is highly likely” Spock responded, following Jim to the door

“Damn I forgot my communicator” Jim cursed and jogged back to the box of minerals. When he picked up the communicator, a transporter beam surrounds him “Spock!”

“Jim!” Spock was running towards Kirk but by the time he got there his Captain was gone and the ship shook with an attack.


Present


As soon as the pirates were beamed up, Spock tore through them, knocking them down as he made his way towards their leaders Xonne and Xinella. Once he reached them he delivered a bone cracking punch to Xonne before throwing him to the security. Then he snarled as he threw Xinella off of his captain and into the wall as hard as he could.

“Jim” Spock whispered hovering above him and Jim’s eyes lit with recognition despite the pain that clouded his eyes. A slight smile lit Jim’s lips before he passed out and then Bones was there lifting him away.

Spock followed the medical team all the way to sickbay, watching his T’hy’la with concerned eyes. Everything buzzed around him but he could not tear his eyes from Jim.

His T’hy’la laid there covered in cuts, bruises, and his own blood. Spock wanted so much to go back and tear those people apart for hurting Jim. Hatred was illogical. Spock hated Khan. Spock hated Xenno and Xinella. He burned with it and wanted to break and tear until he could no longer recognize their faces. It is true Vulcan were pacifists but they weren’t always. His blood called for blood. The old Earth saying, came to mind “an eye for an eye”.

“He’s seizing” McCoy shouted “the bone must have pierced his lung. Nurse get me-“ Spock couldn’t even hear what was being said all he could see was Jim. Every instinct told him to push everyone away and hold him until he was better but that wouldn’t help his captain. Jim needed medical attention and it was his job as the first officer to take care of the ship while the Captain was unable. Spock composed himself and walked briskly out of Medbay.  1+1=2, 2+2=4, math equations filtered through his head in an attempt to calm himself.

Spock clenched his fists and took a deep breath before going to the bridge.
-
Jim blinked his eyes open, only to shut them again. His head was throbbing and he felt exhausted. His body felt numb but also stiff as if he put on new jeans and was breaking it in. He felt vulnerable. Where was Spock?Was he in sickbay? “Spock?”

“Sorry, darlin but it’s just me” Bones replied softly. It wasn’t like Bones to be gentle unless it was bad. Real bad. Bones always reacted with grumpiness.

“Bones?” Jim rasped because his throat was raw. From what? And then it all came back. The cuts, the broken bones, the torture, the mental violation, and pain. They were in his head. They were in his head.

“Whoa, Jim. Calm down. You’re alright” Bones soothed and Jim turned his bleary eyes to Bones who was gently rubbing his back. Jim closed his eyes and listened to the soothing words trying to get himself under control. They were in the private room which was dubbed ‘The Captain's Quarters’ because he was there so often.

“Where’s Spock?” Jim finally asked

“I’ll call him. He is on the bridge.” Bones left the room to do so and Jim just combed through his mental faculties. The pain was throbbing as if someone had left an open wound in his brain. Bones walked back in with a glass of water in hand “Drink this. You’re dehydrated”

“Isn’t that what Hypos are for?” Jim tried to tease but it ended up sounding croaky and sad

“You’re lucky I took an oath” Bones grumbled before his eyes soften “I was worried about ya kid. We all were”

“Thanks, Bones” Jim responded with a small smile before Spock came in “Spock”

“Jim” Spock breathes and he was at Jim’s side in a second, their eyes locked. Jim expected Spock to pull back into himself and put on his ‘I am Vulcan and feel nothing but pure logic’ mask but he didn’t. He stared back at Jim open as he was the day Jim laid dying. Before he knew what was happening Spock pulled him into a hug. A HUG. Spock and hugs don’t normally make sense. Spock hates people touching him or touching other people. Jim, of course, didn’t waste time and hugged him back because it was Spock. Jim would destroy the Enterprise for him. The stiff feeling only increased in discomfort as the hug went on but Jim could not give a single fuck about that.

“I do not know if it is still welcome but I cherish thee” Spock had pulled back to look at Jim’s face and his large hand was cupping his cheek.

“Of course it’s welcome, Spock. Why wouldn’t it be?” Jim replied

“You have confessed your romantic feelings for me 1.456 years ago” Spock stayed with something like wonder in his eyes “I did not know if your feelings have changed.”


Jim beamed at him, his heart was swelling with happiness “of course I do, Spock. I love you”

Spock offered his two fingers to Jim and Jim smiled putting his own against Spock’s “This is a Vulcan kiss” Spock said softly

“Your mom told me” Jim grinned causing Spock to raise his eyebrow in response before Jim used his other hand to pull Spock into a gentle kiss. They stayed like that kissing softly and holding on another because basking in this feeling was everything. Eventually, Spock pulled away in order to gaze into Jim’s eyes

“I am gratified you are safe. Watching you suffer was… difficult” Spock said softly and Jim pulled him into another hug, gripping him tightly

“I was so scared” Jim shuttered, his voice wavering “she was in my head and it hurt so fucking bad. It still hurts”

Spock pulled back to look at him “If you would permit, T’hy’la, I could repair the damage she had done”

“You called me T’hy’la” Jim grinned at him

“Yes, you are T’hy’la. I assume you already knew?” Spock questioned

“The other Spock told me. Friend, brother, lover. In his universe, they were together as all three but I assumed when you didn’t say anything only friend and brother applied” Jim explained and Spock shook his head

“When you died, I felt hatred that I had never before possessed. It consumed me. I couldn’t think of anything but killing Khan and getting revenge. I was afraid of the emotions you inspired” Spock replied softly “I was incorrect in my actions”

“It doesn’t matter anymore” Jim murmured as he pulled him into a slow kiss “T’hy’la. Meld with me”

Spock nodded bringing his fingers to Jim’s psi points before whispering “my thoughts to your thoughts”

Going into Jim’s mind was like coming home, everything is welcoming Spock in and he embraced the warm sun of his T’hy’la. He quickly found the area causing pain and alleviated it, Xinella was causing the pain but didn’t leave any permanent damage but it still was a wound.

Spock slipped out of the meld with Jim, knowing if he went deeper or explored he would bond them and he wanted to ask Jim for permission first.

“Thank you” Jim breathed “it doesn’t hurt any more or everything else does but not my head”

“I will call Dr.McCoy” Spock stated as he stood and disregarded Jim’s protests.

“No no. He already shot me with more painkillers before he left” Jim reasoned “It’ll just take time to settle”

Spock returned to his bedside with a suspicious gaze before moving to check his chart, double checking.

“Don’t you trust me?” Jim grumbled and Spock fixed him with a pointed look

“Indefinitely excluding your own safety” Spock took Jim’s hand in his own again and Jim snorted

“What’d you do with Xinella and Xonne?” Jim asked and Spock stiffened

“They remain in the brig. I advised Admiral Wong of my intention to return them to their planets to face trial” Spock responded

“Good,” Jim said quietly before yawning
“I will leave you to rest” Spock stated and Jim grabbed his arm

 “Can you- Can you stay?” He asked softly, his eyes held vulnerability in them and Spock nodded. Jim sighed in relief and scooted over in his bed before tapping the bed. Spock slid into bed beside him wrapping his arms around Jim so his back was to Spock's front. Soon both fell asleep.