It was another regular night for Magnus, spent in the London house, empty except for himself. After being gone two days, it was usual for him to not miss her as much. The feeling was still there, but only at the back of his mind.
Now other thoughts surfaced, and he struggled to shrug them away. It was in times like these that he started to think about life, about what he was doing with his. Sure, he might be immortal, but there could be things worthier of his time, he reasons.
But Camille… he sighs as his thoughts focus on her. The first ones are always the best. He thinks of how he loves her, of how much he wants to please her, of the hope she will praise and reward him. It's at this point that his mind wanders and he starts to question everything.
'Does she really love me? She never seems to care… on the other hand… But she has slept with other people, I'm sure of it. Am I? Maybe I'm just overthinking her absence, maybe…’
He sighs again, suddenly feeling the urge to pour himself a couple of strong drinks.
You put a sour little flavor in my mouth now
He's had his suspicions, but never been able to prove that she had ever actually cheated on him. Whenever the subject came up, she called him silly for even thinking about it. He couldn't help but be jealous whenever she seemed to act more intimate with someone else, but what could he do? He was always dragged along by her, there was no way to fight it. She always took him to the parties she attended and, even if he was bored, he let himself be lead along. The drinks helped too.
A pretty picture but the scenery is so loud
Another thing about these parties was that he got to watch as she manipulated others to do what she wanted. He'd witnessed men more powerful than him or even her be practically destroyed because they went against Camille, and the ones who obeyed usually had the same fate. The only difference was, the first ones led a miserable life, made difficult by her people, and the second ones looked like lost puppies, following her every wish.
You've got 'em wrapped around your finger watch 'em fall down
There's something beautiful and tragic in the fall out
'The same way you do’, came that voice inside his head again. He really needed another drink now.
Sometimes he hated himself for being powerless against her. But, whenever he struggled, and she definitely noticed, she always managed to make him stay.
“Magnus, love, you're being silly.”
“Stop being so obsessed, Magnus.”
“Do you really think you could find better than me?”
“No one else could ever want you, dear. Only I can understand you.”
The words saddened and angered him at the same time. He got up from where he was sitting, smashing the glass he'd been drinking from against the ground and yelling out in frustration.
'That’s it’, he thought, 'I’ve had enough.’
Grabbing his coat, he had almost reached the door when a message landed on a table nearby, announcing Camille's arrival soon. He sighed, sitting on the couch again, running a hand through his hair.
Out the back door goddamn but I love her anyway
'I’ll… I'll give her another chance… yeah…’
And with that thought, but other more bitter ones swirling around his head too, he leaned back, and waited.
Are you nasty, are you nasty?
I love her anyway