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Part 1 of For Every Icarus Out There
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Published:
2018-04-23
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2020-12-31
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Burn Your Wings

Chapter 21: The Sum of Our Parts

Notes:

※ Notice: My user name has been changed from oWhiteKiwibird to Crowbird (and Tumblr to crowbird-kamakse). More on that later.
That said, I don’t know how you guys even found me without prior notice (or maybe Tumblr auto-redirects, I still dunno how all this works, sorry ;ω;) but we still got art! Thank you, sincerely, you are absolutely fantastic.

 

 

The Izu+Eri Icarus scene by ilovethesefictionalcharacters:
https://crowbird-kamakse.tumblr.com/post/190392110064/ilovethesefictionalcharacters-icarus-burn-your

“We call them suns” by deuynn:
https://crowbird-kamakse.tumblr.com/post/190487169364

Shigaraki the schoolgirl with a crush (submitted by anonymous):
https://crowbird-kamakse.tumblr.com/post/615679248103063552/i-just-caught-up-w-burn-your-wings-the-lov

Izuku in a sunset backdrop by quailico:
https://crowbird-kamakse.tumblr.com/post/616375582005035008/quailico-fanart-for-crowbird-kamakse-s-burn

 
Burn Your Wings now has a Chinese translation! Thank you to BeMyselfHero for your work. You can find it here:
https://savemeandbemyhero.lofter.com/post/3122c86d_1c776a7cb

 
If you made something (art, memes, etc) but it hasn’t been tagged in the ANs until now, please @ me on Tumblr with my new username or leave a comment with the address. You deserve to be Izuku Headbanged at.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Life isn’t fair, and it certainly isn’t kind.

Inko knows this with crippling certainty.

For how could life be fair when her entire family died and left her stranded alone in this world before she even hit twenty? How could life be kind if the one person she thought was there for her turned out to be a violent, abusive, bad man?

Her son was the one good thing in Inko’s life, and Inko couldn’t even protect that. Pain is relative, and different people have different thresholds. So while the scorching flames and merciless blows of Hisashi’s abuse forged Izuku into the hero he became (into the hero he was, is, and will be) for Inko... it made her crumble.

Inko never forgave herself for that.

But she cannot turn back the hands of time.

What she can do, though...

When Izuku tells her about Eri—about a child that has also been abused, about a girl that is still so kind despite everything, about someone who reminds Inko too much of her own boy, about someone who helped heal Inko’s son—that night, Inko picks up the phone and makes a call.

“Hello, Eraserhead. This is Midoriya Inko. ...Yes. I’m calling because of Eri. I hear you’re not sure what to do with her after she’s discharged from the hospital?”

Inko cannot turn back the hands of time. She cannot take back the past and erase the fact that she failed her son.

But she can do this. She can help another abused child who had to learn to swallow tears at too young an age. She can help the girl who helped save her son (her world). She can do this for them. She can do this for him.

Life isn’t fair, and it certainly isn’t kind. But Inko can be. She can be fair, and she can be kind, for these children who’ve had to live a life that wasn’t.

Inko takes a deep breath, stills her jittery hands, and speaks with as much firmness as she can muster.

“I have a proposal.”

 

*

 

Izuku had been determined to keep in touch with Eri even after she’s released from the hospital, of course. Theoretically, he knows that once you become a pro hero you can’t be personally involved with everyone you save, but Eri— Eri is special. She saved him as much as he saved her. He sees an unfair amount of himself in her. Not to mention that Eri still can’t bring herself to trust many people, and none of them as wholeheartedly as she does Izuku.

Suffice to say, they both have... an attachment, he supposes you could call it.

It’s not professional.

He doesn’t care.

So when the police found out that she isn’t actually Chisaki’s daughter from Togata and members of the Shie Hassaikai and it turned out Eri was most likely going to have to be sent to a facility of some sort, Izuku had been ready to fight for his right to stay in Eri’s life.

He never expected his mother to step in and do it for him.

Izuku isn’t fully aware of the details, but Midoriya Inko apparently offered to take Eri in. And caused a lot of paperwork. For a lot of people.

See, Eri’s case isn’t as simple as offering to look after just any orphan. Eri has ties to the Yakuza, and more importantly, her quirk has already proved dangerous in the wrong hands and when out of control. She needs to be protected, both herself from others and others from her.

Inko argued that’s why she’d be perfect to take care of Eri. The pro heroes and police are already keeping a close eye on Inko since villains might target Izuku through her, so adding one little girl to watch over won’t be too much of a hassle. Their home is close enough to UA that Aizawa can easily come by if Eri ever ends up losing control of her quirk again, and it’d be better for Eri to have someone who can concentrate on her instead of, for example, staying at UA and having various teachers try to make time for her during their busy schedule. Not to mention that it would probably help Eri’s mental stability to be close to Izuku, who she’s latched onto like a koala with separation anxiety even if she’s too timid to openly show it.

This was the point where the paperwork came in. They even brought in Monoma once to have him copy Eri’s quirk in an attempt to understand it better to make sure Inko wouldn’t be at risk of being rewound out of existence. Thankfully Monoma determined that her quirk was the type that had to be recharged, in a sense, and that her shrunken horn indicates she’s ‘spent’ and isn’t in danger of losing control at the moment.

Izuku had been awed and almost dazed throughout the proceedings. Inko was never someone to step up and draw attention to herself or stir up trouble, but she willingly brewed up this storm of paperwork and calmly saw it through, albeit with slightly trembling hands. And Izuku knows that she didn’t do it just out of the goodness of her heart, but that she did it for him.

It humbles him and gratifies him that she’d reach so far out of her comfort zone for them.

Eventually, all the paperwork was settled, especially with Aizawa backing Inko.

And so they finally got the green light to have Eri live at Izuku’s place.

It’s... almost surreal. Izuku would still spend most of his time at the dorms until he graduates, of course, but Eri will be living at his house and he can go visit her on the weekends like Todoroki visits his mother.

He only hopes both Inko and Eri aren’t pushing themselves for his sake.

He tries not to let his concern show as he waits for Inko with Eri at the hospital. Inko will be coming to meet Eri for the first time, and the girl’s been nervous enough that Izuku doesn’t need to add to that by showing how nervous he is.

“Hey,” Izuku says softly as he takes Eri’s hand. She’s still hesitant to initiate physical contact, but just as All Might, Aizawa, Todoroki and the rest of Class 1-A did for him, Izuku is hoping to gently break her out of the habit. “Remember, you can say no if you want to. If you meet her today and don’t feel okay, then you can say no. Promise me you won’t force yourself, please?”

Eri’s eyes are wide as she looks up at him and unconsciously squeezes his hand.

“But,” the girl swallows thickly, then whispers. “What if she doesn’t like me?

Her voice is small and frail, like a flower wilting against the cold. The slight fear and preemptive resignation are so familiar that it guts Izuku. But he does his best to ignore how much the invisible scars Chisaki left on Eri pains him in favour of reassuring her.

“Eri, if I know my mom—and I should since she’s, you know, my mom—,” Eri doesn’t quite giggle at Izuku’s purposefully joking tone, but her expression does brighten as her eyes shine. Izuku grins at her and squeezes her hand. “She’ll love you.”

They don’t get to say much more as Aizawa comes in and raps his knuckles on the doorframe.

“She’s here.”

Eri shoots Izuku a wide-eyed look, squeezes his hand, and they step forward together.

They find Inko waiting for them in a private visiting room painted with warm colours and has sofas and chairs arranged around a coffee table. Inko is sitting quietly and Izuku knows his mother well enough to sense her nerves from the way she’s wrangling her handkerchief in her plump hands. She stands when she sees them, shooting Izuku a smile before turning her eyes to Eri. Her gaze softens.

“Hello. I’m Midoriya Inko, Izuku’s mother. You must be Eri-chan?”

Eri nods mutely, eyes wide.

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Eri-chan.”

Eri just stares up at Inko with wide eyes.

But before Izuku can try to bridge the silence, he feels a soft tug on his pant legs. When he crouches down for her Eri puts a hand to his ear as she whispers (though he’s pretty sure Inko and Aizawa can both still hear her).

“She has the same bunny ears as you,” Eri whispers in a vaguely awed voice.

And just— what?

Bunny ears?

Izuku is so thrown and confused for a moment when he looks at his mom and—

Oh.

Oh.

Back when Izuku had entered middle school, he’d grown out his hair and purposefully mimicked his mother’s hairstyle and pulled his hair in a half-bun with strands of hair framing his face. His hairstyle is almost exactly like Inko’s, just curlier and minus her bangs.

And apparently it makes him look like a lop-eared rabbit, according to his classmates who keep shoving pictures of said rabbit in his face and insisting they’re a spitting image.

(Which they’re not, okay?)

If it was anyone else who was calling him a bunny, Izuku would have given them the evil eye and denied it with righteous fury. But since it’s Eri, well. Eri can do nothing wrong.

And the fact that this is what she’s so transfixed on after meeting his mom for the first time is just, well, it’s just downright adorable, isn’t it?

Inko seems to agree as when Izuku meets her eyes, they’re shining with shared mirth. Not to mention that Aizawa is making a muffled coughing noise that sounds suspiciously like a stifled laugh.

Izuku bites back a smile and stage-whispers back to Eri.

“If you ask, I’m sure Mom will tie your hair the same way too.”

Eri’s eyes widen and all but sparkle in awe at that, her red eyes shining with more excitement than nervousness now.

Things take off after that. Inko makes small talk while Izuku makes tea and Eri sips from a juice box. Aizawa sits quietly in a corner of the room, supervising while trying not to encroach on their soon-to-be-family meeting.

Eri relaxes enough to let go of Izuku’s hand after a few minutes. One juice box and three cookies later, she warms up to Inko enough to shyly ask the woman if she could please put up her hair in the same style as Inko and Izuku and, to quote, “give her bunny ears too.”

Izuku refills Aizawa’s tea as he watches Inko combing Eri’s white hair as she tells the girl fairy tales in a soft voice and Eri listens with flushed cheeks and starry eyes.

“They’ll be fine,” Aizawa comments quietly into his tea.

Izuku blinks, then smiles.

“Yes,” he agrees.

Both Inko and Eri will be good for each other.

He can’t express how happy he is for all of them.

 

Fifteen minutes later, though, Izuku has to clasp a hand over his mouth to hold in the snickers threatening to break out.

He really doesn’t understand her thought process, but somehow Eri has decided that she needs to practice how to make the “bunny ears hairstyle” herself. Seeing as Aizawa was the only one in the room who didn’t already have their hair in a half-bun, she shyly asked the pro hero if she could practice with his hair.

Izuku had been so proud of Eri that she’s come out of her shell enough to ask a favour like that, and that she actually got Aizawa of all people to agree. It turns out even the stoic pro hero isn’t immune to Eri’s wide puppy-dog eyes.

But Inko didn’t have any more spare ribbons or pins so Izuku had asked a passing nurse if she had any, and the nurse gladly lent them one of her own ribbons.

A long, wide, ribbon coloured a brilliant shade of pink.

Pink.

It even has sequins.

And now here they are, Inko coaching Eri as the girl tries to wrestle Aizawa’s mane of hair into a bun, tangling his hair with that glorious pink ribbon, the sequins sparkling brightly in contrast to Aizawa’s dark expression. Aizawa is sitting there looking like he’s questioning his life choices and having a war flashback.

It’s adorable.

It’s heartwarming.

It’s downright hilarious.

Of course, Izuku, being a proud member of Class 1-A, snaps a photo of them.

And then he uploads it on the group chat.

 

[Midoriya: I humbly present to you my submission for the ‘best photo’ contest.]

[Midoriya: (image)]

 

The Class 1-A Chat Room for Emergencies (yeah, it may have gotten to the point where even Iida had given up all pretense that the first chat room is anything but a meme/general purpose chat room anymore, but they still haven’t gotten around to changing the name to something more appropriate) to put it lightly, blows up.

 

[Ashido: omg]

[Kaminari: WTF?!??!!!!]

[Sero: is... is that really aizawa sensei with a pink ribbon?]

[Hagakure: awwwww!!♡♡♥♥]

[Sero: OUR aizawa sensei???? with a PINK RIBBON???????]

[Asui: I think we found proof that Bunny-ness is infectious, ribbit]

[Shoji: THE BUNNIES HAVE MULTIPLIED]

[Ashido: omg]

[Kouda: !!]

[Kouda: (image)]

[Sato: eyy, youre right kouda, they look exactly like your pet rabbit!]

[Iida: Who even is the child?]

[Asui: thats Eri chan]

[Iida: Ah, I see!]

[Kaminari: she deserves a fucking medal]

[Iida: Kaminari! Language!]

[Ashido: omg]

[Sero: (gif)]

[Sero: (gif)]

[Jiro: (gif)]

[Aoyama: Très bien☆]

[Uraraka: this is it, I can die happy now... thank you everyone....]

[Ashido: OMG]

[Ashido: wait no dont die yet ochako, think of the children! ... I mean the memes!]

[Sero: f in the chat for uraraka]

[Shoji: F]

[Ojiro: f]

[Tokoyami: F.]

[Sato: f]

[Kirishima: BRO]

[Kirishima: MIDORIYA]

[Kirishima: MY MAN]

[Kirishima: I THINK YOU JUST WON THE COMPETITION]

 

Izuku smiles smugly as the chat goes up rapidly.

Yeah. He’d say he won too.

 

*

 

A few days pass uneventfully.

(Well, Class 1-A did go through a stint where some of their classmates with longer hair would tie it in a half-bun and sidebangs in ‘the official Midoriya-bunny-hairstyle’ as they’ve come to call it and go around saying “Same hat?” “Same hat!” every time they saw Izuku or Aizawa while the others roared in laughter, but Izuku is not going to acknowledge that. Even if it became their second most-used in-class joke, right after “I won’t let you down.” Nope.)

The school Culture Festival comes up, and though Izuku and the other interns can’t participate as much in the planning due to the remedial classes they have to take, it’s still nice to have something so normal and see everyone genuinely excited.

“We’re back!” Kirishima announces when the interns return from yet another late night remedial class.

“Welcome!” Iida waves them over to the common room where most of their classmates are sprawled in various positions.

“Did you guys finally settle on what to do at the Festival?” Izuku asks as he catches sight of Iida’s notebook and what looks like the beginnings of a plan of some sort.

“Yeah!” Ashido jumps up excitedly. “We’re gonna have a dance club with live performance, so everyone can join in the fun! Isn’t it great?! Todoroki came up with the idea!”

And just, what?

Izuku turns to look at Todoroki with an incredulous look.

You proposed a dance club?” he asks in a bewildered tone.

Todoroki cocks his head. “Yes?”

“...Who are you and what have you done with Todoroki?”

The corners of other boy’s eyes crinkle slightly and his lips twitch. That familiar ever-so-subtle almost-a-smile proves that it is indeed Todoroki and not Toga in disguise, but Izuku is still baffled that Todoroki was the one to suggest this. Not that it isn’t a great idea, but it’s just so... random, coming from the quiet boy.

“I just combined Ashido’s idea with what we did in the license exam remedial training,” Todoroki explains with a shrug, and Izuku can’t even begin to imagine what kind of training Todoroki and Bakugo must have done to come up with this.

He snorts and shakes his head.

“Well, it does sound like a really good idea. I won’t be able to help much tomorrow, though.”

“Huh? But why?! Tomorrow’s a Saturday!” Ashido wails.

“He’s going home tomorrow,” Todoroki answers instead, and no one in Class 1-A bats an eye at that, as if it’s perfectly normal for the other boy to know Izuku’s schedule inside out.

“I’m taking Togata-senpai to see Eri,” Izuku himself just adds with a grin.

“Oh! Is that tomorrow?” Uraraka claps her hands. “Wait for a sec!”

She runs upstairs before quickly returning with a small paper bag in her hands.

“Here,” she says, handing it over to Izuku. Izuku peers inside to find an assortment of ribbons, hair ties, pins and such. “It’s from us. All the girls donated a few things and commissioned a few specific ones from Yaomomo! Would you give them to Eri for us?”

Izuku’s heart melts.

“Of course. Thank you, all of you.”

The girls grin brightly at him.

The next day Izuku brings Togata and Aizawa to his house and Eri’s eyes shine like stars when Izuku presents her with the gifts. Her bright expression brings smiles to everyone’s faces, though when Eri holds up a ribbon and looks around expectantly, Aizawa seems to subtly shrink away while Togata enthusiastically volunteers to be her training dummy.

Togata’s hair is far too short to really do anything, but Eri isn’t deterred and she starts tying the ribbons into knots and bows around Togata’s face until he starts looking like an over-zealously gift-wrapped head. Izuku snickers as he snaps a photo, making a mental note to ask Kirishima for Amajiki’s number so he can send the senior the photo.

Izuku takes the chance when Eri is distracted by her work and Togata’s chattering to approach Inko and ask her quietly.

“...She still hasn’t smiled yet?” he asks softly enough that it won’t carry.

Inko’s doting smile falls from her face, her expression enough of an answer in itself.

Eri hasn’t smiled once in all the time Izuku—any of them, really—have known her. Her expression may brighten, and her eyes might shine, but she never truly smiles. Even when she received the presents from the girls of 1-A, Eri had been visibly grateful and excited but she hadn’t quite managed to curve her lips into a smile.

As if she’s forgotten how to.

Even though Chisaki is arrested, even though the man will never lay sight on her again, Izuku won’t let him, the fact remains that he still stains Eri’s memories and haunts her dreams.

Izuku himself has never suffered the inability to smile, but he knows how it feels to be shackled to a phantom.

He also knows another person who had to relearn how to smile. He traces the curve of Todoroki’s barely-there smile in his mind, marvelling at how familiar and easier it has become, when inspiration hits him.

“The Culture Festival!” Izuku blurts out. Everyone turns to him at his outburst, but Izuku looks at Aizawa. “I know you said visitors aren’t allowed this year, but would it be possible for Eri to come?”

Aizawa hums lightly, not rejecting it immediately. The hero too knows how Eri is yet to smile, so he probably knows where Izuku is going with this.

“We’ll have to run it by the Principal and the committee, but it’ll probably be alright.”

Togata perks up, the various coloured ribbons fluttering and shaking around his head at the sudden movement like a waterfall of rainbows.

“Oh! Then I can chaperone Eri-chan if Midoriya-san can’t come!”

Eri seems a little nervous at the thought of going to such an unfamiliar and densely crowded place, but between the promise of being able to see Izuku dance on stage and Togata’s enthusiastic persuading, she seems to be looking forward to it by the end of the visit.

When it’s time for the students and Aizawa to leave, Inko and Eri come to the front door to greet them. Inko crouches down to Eri and smiles.

“Remember what we talked about?”

The males, of course, have no idea what this is about, but Eri nods determinedly at Inko’s words.

Izuku watches in confusion as the girl comes up to him. Eri fiddles a bit with her fingers, shy and adorable, as she explains.

“Inko-san said that since she’s taking care of me, we’re like siblings. Which means you’re my older brother. So...”

And oh, Izuku thinks he knows where this is going. Izuku doesn’t think he even has a little sister fantasy, but when Eri looks up at him with wide eyes and flushed cheeks, his heart does a funny little dance before it just outright melts in his ribcage.

“Can I call you nii-chan?”

Izuku is pretty sure Eri can conquer the world with the way she shyly looks up through her lashes.

“Of course,” he manages to smile and answer before Eri’s eyes brighten and she destroys what little brain function he has left.

“Thank you, Izu-nii!”

And just. Izuku is dead. From cuteness overload. Put it on his gravestone. No regrets.

Togata might or might not be snortling while filming them with his phone, but Izuku is a little shellshocked even later as the three of them leave the Midoriya residence.

“What is this feeling?” Izuku murmurs in a still-dazed voice to no one in particular. “She’s already living with us, but I still want to wrap her in bubble wrap and kidnap her...!”

Togata chokes on a noise that sounds like a dying cat while Aizawa gives Izuku a blandly indulgent smile and pats his shoulder.

“Kidnapping is a crime. Don’t do that. Only villains do that.”

 

*

 

Todoroki, on the other hand, just blinks slowly and tilts his head when he hears the news.

“...Congratulations?” he says in what’s almost a question.

Todoroki himself is trying to reconnect with his siblings recently, Izuku knows, but it’s still different from Izuku’s case. Todoroki had been actively forbidden from interacting with his other siblings when he was younger, and by the time he’d grown enough of a backbone to give Endeavor the rhetorical middle finger and defy the man, the siblings had grown too distant and awkward with each other. But ever since the Sports Festival, they’ve been visiting their mother together at the hospital and interacting more.

The Todoroki siblings may have been distant, by force and later habit, but they’ve always been there.

Izuku, on the other hand, finds even the concept of siblings foreign.

And look, Izuku is glad that Eri is living with them, okay? But Eri calling him nii-chan hit home that she isn’t just living with them, but that he has a little sister now. And that... that hits differently, for some reason.

As one abuse victim to another, Izuku has always wanted to help Eri get better. But as an older brother to his little sister, well. That’s... that’s different. It feels like it should be different.

Don’t get him wrong, Izuku would have done his best to help Eri regardless of the situation. But Eri becoming his little sister makes things that much more...

Personal.

Take their scars, for example.

Eri’s arms had been covered in bandages while she was with Chisaki and at the hospital. Once she went home with Inko, she had quietly asked for clothes with long sleeves.

Just like Izuku.

Not only does it break Izuku’s heart, but if this is what Izuku feels like, he can’t imagine what his mother might be going through when both her children insist on covering their scars. Izuku now knows that hiding things from Inko might have hurt her more, but he’d be a hypocrite to say something to Eri when he’s doing the exact same thing.

It’s unfair how much of himself he sees in Eri.

See, the thing is, Hisashi certainly left scars. But Izuku has always been of the opinion that even if scars don’t heal, they still fade.

And if they don’t fade either, well. You can always cover them up.

But now that he has a little sister, now that he sees himself in Eri, Izuku doesn’t want her to do the same thing he’s been doing all his life. Not that she needs to bare her scars if she doesn’t want to, but he wants her to know that she doesn’t have to cover them either. She should be able to choose to do what she wants without having to consider how it might affect other people.

And as a big brother, that means leading by example.

“...I’m going to have to take my shirt off,” Izuku mumbles.

Todoroki chokes.

What?

Izuku blinks. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“It’s nothing,” he says, but Todoroki is looking at him like it very much isn’t nothing.

Izuku doesn’t get why. It’s not like Todoroki hasn’t seen him shirtless before.

And... come to think of it, Todoroki is the only person Izuku has willingly let see his bare skin in an entire decade.

Huh.

“Anyways,” Izuku shakes his head. They’re hanging out in Todoroki’s room after coming back from meeting Eri, and he was in the middle of telling the other boy about the trip. “So yeah, Eri might be coming to see the Festival. I hope it helps her.”

“...It will,” Todoroki says after a moment. “Maybe she won’t be able to smile right away. But it will be good for her.”

And that, coming from someone who’s relearned how to smile, means a lot.

Izuku smiles at Todoroki.

“You know, it’s actually thanks to you.”

“Hm?”

“I got the idea to invite Eri while I was thinking about you. About your smile,” Izuku clarifies, and for some reason Todoroki’s pale skin flushes bright red. His mismatched eyes are blown wide for a moment before he drops his face into his palms with a familiar groan.

“How... how do you keep saying things like that? With such a straight face?!”

Todoroki sighs.

“It’s not fair how much I love you.”

Izuku is about to quip back with familiar banter, except this isn’t familiar, and he pauses with a teasing comeback frozen on the tip of his tongue because—

What?

...Love?

“...What did you say?” Izuku barely manages to choke out.

He waits for Todoroki to continue the joke, or clarify the punchline, or, or something that will untangle the mess Izuku’s thoughts have been jumbled into. But Todoroki just raises his head and gives him a confused look

“It’s not fair how much I love you?” Todoroki repeats, as if he doesn’t get why that sentence scrambled Izuku’s higher brain function.

Izuku doesn’t know what expression his face made, but Todoroki’s eyes widen.

“I love you,” he states slowly. “You know that. ...Right?”

Izuku just stares for a full five seconds. And then—

“I what?”

A few more seconds pass, and then the full sentence registers.

“You what?!

 

*

 

Shouto feels almost as shocked as Midoriya looks.

“You... you didn’t know? ...How could you not know?”

Shouto may be socially inept and unfamiliar with social norms, but even he knows he wasn’t exactly subtle.

But clearly Midoriya’s obliviousness far outdoes Shouto’s social awkwardness.

“How could I?!” Midoriya almost shrieks. “How could you?!

It’s not quite an accusation, but it’s certainly close. Shouto might have felt a little hurt if it wasn’t for how utterly lost Midoriya looks. He can’t understand how or why Midoriya finds it so incomprehensible that Shouto loves him.

And even as rattled and shaken as he is, Midoriya still quickly tries to calm down and assure Shouto.

“Sorry,” the other boy mumbles as he presses the heels of his palms into his eyes. (Shouto mourns that it hides Midoriya’s face, but he wisely holds his tongue. If this is how Midoriya reacts from Shouto just telling him he loves him, he can’t begin to imagine what’ll happen if he voices every passing wistful thought.)

“I’m overreacting, I know, I just... it’s... I dunno. I never...” Midoriya sighs harshly, a strong gust of breath escaping through his clenched teeth.

“It doesn’t have to be a confession,” Shouto says quickly. “I didn’t mean it to be a confession. You can just ignore it and pretend this never happened.”

“I can just— what?! I can’t ignore your feelings like that!”

But Shouto would rather his feelings be ignored than have Midoriya so distressed.

Midoriya makes a strangled sound, dragging his hand over his face.

“Sorry,” he says again, and Shouto doesn’t know why he keeps apologizing. He wishes he’d stop. “Can I... Can I have some time?”

The note in his voice is almost a plea, and Shouto is nodding even before Midoriya finishes his sentence.

“Of course. I didn’t mean to discomfort you with my feelings.”

Shouto unthinkingly reaches out a hand to Midoriya but stops before he can touch the other boy. He... probably shouldn’t, and that hurts more than he was expecting. He lets his hand drop limply to his side.

Midoriya’s eyes follow the trajectory of his hand, lingering on it for a moment.

Then he turns around without another word.

And he leaves without a backward glance.

The door closes shut behind Midoriya, leaving Shouto alone in his room that suddenly feels too large and empty.

Shouto stumbles to his futon and sits down hard.

He really hadn’t meant to confess to Midoriya. Even as he casually said it was unfair how much he loved Midoriya, it wasn’t meant to be an actual confession as much as it was just a statement. Partly because he didn’t want to pressure the other boy, and partly because he assumed that Midoriya already knew his feelings. How could he not, when Shouto couldn’t restrain himself and let his emotions spill over for the whole world to see?

But Midoriya had been shaken at his admission. Not just surprised, not just shocked, but visibly shaken.

For the first time since they’d become friends, things had become awkward between them.

...Shouto isn’t usually one to swear. But tonight, he’s going to have to take a page out of Bakugo’s book.

Shit.”

 

*

 

Shit.”

The swear word slips out of Izuku mouth without conscious thought. He had stumbled out of Todoroki’s room last night, paced in his own room for a while before realizing that Todoroki was only a few feet away since they’re next doors, had a minor breakdown, and spent the night fitfully with little sleep. He’d avoided everyone when he woke the next day—thank goodness it’s a Sunday—and now he’s fled to the laundry room just to have something to do and hopefully take his mind off of... everything. And of course, in his rattled state, he had started the machine without putting in any detergent.

He isn’t even sure why he’s so shaken. Izuku’s not homophobic—he’s heard it used to be a thing, back before the quirk society when people were discriminated by skin colour and such—it’s just that... he never even thought about... he just doesn’t...

Izuku stares blankly at the clothes whirling around in the detergent-free water, then adds “Fuck,” as if an afterthought. He’s not sure if he’s swearing because of his poor waterlogged laundry or what happened in Todoroki’s room.

“...Deku?”

Izuku turns to find Uraraka looking at him with raised brows and a laundry basket in her arms.

“We didn’t see you at breakfast,” she says, setting the basket down and pulling out the detergent that autopilot-Izuku had forgotten. “Or lunch, or dinner. And you don’t usually swear at school. Are you alright? Did something happen?”

He could just tell her that everything’s fine. (Which is a familiar lie.) He could say that he forgot to put in detergent. (Which is true, but isn’t the truth.) Or he could say—

“Todoroki said he loves me,” Izuku blurts out. And then he slaps his palm over his mouth, horrified.

Uraraka also covers her mouth with her hand, but unlike Izuku, she’s grinning brightly with shining eyes.

“Ohhhh, it finally happened! When? Where? How?! I’m your best girl friend, I’m entitled to gossip! Give me all the juicy details!” the girl almost squeals in excitement, jumping up and down and accidentally floating herself a few feet.

Izuku just stares in bewilderment. The moment Uraraka takes a good look at Izuku’s face, she immediately sobers.

“Oh no. That’s not a good expression. What went wrong?”

Izuku opens his mouth, closes it, and then gives in. Uraraka is his best girl friend, and he really needs help right now.

“It’s... complicated.”

Uraraka searches his face for a long moment before nodding decisively.

“Alright. Let’s talk this through.”

Izuku is so grateful to be blessed with Uraraka Ochako.

The first roadblock they run into is finding a private place to talk. The two of them can’t go into each other’s rooms alone and all the common rooms or public areas have people in them, especially since it’s the weekend. In the end, Uraraka uses her zero gravity and Izuku uses his pull so they can crawl out the window and sit on the roof for privacy.

“...So we were talking last night, and he just— he just says it, so naturally, so casually, and I just— I can’t— I never even—!”

He’s rambling, Izuku knows, but he can’t help himself. His hands fret and his foot taps against the shingles, his sentences and thoughts disjointed and broken. Uraraka helps him work through his confusion, listening to his ramblings in the sunset, her initial excitement replaced by genuine worry.

Once Izuku calms down a bit, he bites his lip and lowers his voice.

“And... does he really?”

His voice is almost a whisper, but Uraraka can hear him with no problem.

“I mean, I don’t mean any offence. But. Does he really... love, me?” Izuku stares out at the setting sun. “What if it’s just, I don’t know, some kind of... imprinting, because I was the first person to reach out to him? And he’s just confusing that for... for love?”

It’s a genuine concern. But Uraraka gives him an odd smile.

“Deku... You can only say that because you couldn’t see him when you were kidnapped.”

Izuku stills. Uraraka continues, that odd smile on her face, her voice gentle.

“We were all devastated, of course. Iida didn’t get any sleep during those three days and Bakugo called Yaomomo by her name just for a chance to find you. But Todoroki... without you, he almost looked dead.

“...”

“You broke him a little when you pushed him away that day. I’m sure he would have gladly fought to save you or even willingly went with you, but you didn’t even give him a choice. You just pushed him away. And we all know you did what you thought was the best for him. But Deku... you have to understand. Without you, Todoroki will break.

“...”

“He can’t live without you. He’s a different person around you. He’s changed because of and for you. He’s so much more honest, brighter, softer, better with you. Can you still say that’s not love?”

Uraraka breaks it into him gently, but Izuku is still silent. The girl watches him for a long moment before seeming to realize something.

“...This isn’t just about Todoroki, is it?” Uraraka sighs. “You’re not just worried that Todoroki is confused. There’s something you have a problem with too.”

The girl purses her lips and thinks for a moment before she pulls out her phone.

“Give me a sec,” she says as she scrolls down her contacts list. “I’m gonna make the executive decision to call in reinforcement. Are you okay with that, Deku?”

When Izuku nods hesitantly, Uraraka beams at him and hits the call button.

“Hello? Hey, I need you to come up to the roof right now! Yup, roof, right now. ...Oh, you’d better come, or I’ll upload those photos on the group chat. You know I’ll do it.”

Izuku thinks he vaguely hears loud cussing on the other end, but Uraraka just smiles brightly and sing-songs into her phone.

“See you soon!” she says cheerfully, and then cuts off the call just as an explosive round of swear words filter through the other end.

“I called back-up,” the girl explains when she catches Izuku’s bewildered look. “If it’s you that has a problem, then I think we need someone who knows you better to help.”

And before Izuku can say anything about that, a window nearby slams open and none other than Bakugo Katsuki flies out onto the roof with a boom.

“What. The. Fuck.” he snarls with a murderous expression, but Uraraka only waves cheerfully at him.

“Hey, Bakugo! Todoroki confessed to Deku and Deku’s going through an existential crisis, help him work through it like a good childhood friend, okay? Okay. Bye~!”

And then the girl floats herself to crawl back inside through the window, leaving Izuku and Bakugo shellshocked in the wake of the bombshell she dropped on them.

Really?

And see, Bakugo Katsuki is not one to run away from anything. 

But when Bakugo looks at Izuku, realizes he’s being asked to give advice on romance and talk about—god forbid—feelings, he starts backing up with an almost panicked expression on his face.

“Oh no. No you don’t. I am so not the person for this. I am so not the person for this.”

Normally, Izuku would agree. Talking about something like this with Uraraka is one thing, but Bakugo?

Then again, desperate times call for desperate measures, and there must be a reason Uraraka called Bakugo of all people. So Izuku gives his childhood friend a weak smile.

“Please?”

Bakugo puts a hand over his eyes and his lips move silently in what looks like so not the person for this before he sighs and walks over to plop down next to Izuku. He leans back on his hands in a careless sprawl, stubbornly not looking at Izuku, but still sitting side by side.

“What the fuck is the problem?” he grumbles lowly, but Izuku knows Bakugo well enough to know he wouldn’t be here at all if he didn’t genuinely care. The unspoken concern in this small gesture warms him and gives him the courage to try to articulate his problem.

“I... I wasn’t sure if Todoroki actually loves me. Uraraka says he does, but now I... I don’t know how I feel about... this.”

At this admission, though, Bakugo looks over at Izuku like he’s grown a second head. Or lost his existing head.

“Seriously? I already knew you’re an idiot, but this is just pathetic, Deku. The fuck do you mean you don’t know, you two already act like a married old couple.”

His characteristically unflinchingly crass and straightforward way of speaking makes Izuku blink rapidly.

“...We do?”

Bakugo sighs as if this conversation physically pains him. And then he starts listing things with a curled lip, looking really awkward, really reluctant, and really uncomfortable.

“You guys have like, what, pet names and shit that only you use. You have inside jokes, you always move around each other or save spots, you know each other's schedules. You cover for each other. Yeah, nice try, don’t think I didn’t notice. Oh, and not to mention all the stuff you do in the kitchen,” Bakugo grumbles with a grimace, as if even saying the words leaves a tooth-rottingly sweet aftertaste in his mouth.

“It’s gross. I’d say get a room, but you practically live in each other’s rooms already. Like I said. Married old couple. I don’t get how you can not know.”

Izuku is speechless that Bakugo knows so much. It’s either he’s just that observant—possible, considering how smart he is under that temper—or that they were just that obvious—probable, considering how completely oblivious at least Izuku has been.

And Bakugo’s words make Izuku think about other things too in a new light. He thinks about the hand-holding, about sharing lives and secrets, how they support and comfort each other, how they instantly turn to each other, and that hug. That hug.

“Oh my god,” Izuku says faintly. “Have we been dating? Have we been dating and I didn’t know?!

His voice rises, panicky and shrill.

“What the fuck, don’t ask me!” Bakugo yelps too, his face stained red either because of embarrassment or the sunset. It’s hard to tell.

Bakugo slaps his palm over his eyes with a pained groan. “I am so not the person for this. You know what, that’s it, I’m done, I’m outta here. And I’m gonna forget this conversation ever happened. You’d better too.”

With that he stands up and starts making his way off the roof. But for all his gruffness, Izuku knows how out of his comfort zone, how out of depth Bakugo was, and he’s touched that the other boy still stuck around this long and tried his best to help.

“Thanks, Kacchan,” he calls out to Bakugo’s retreating back. His childhood friend pauses for a moment before replying.

“...Don’t mention it. ...No, really, don’t mention it. Ever.

Izuku bites back a grin and watches him leave. For all their differences and problems, Bakugo Katsuki really is the friend who saw him the longest and knows him the best.

It’s funny that it’s Uraraka and Bakugo, the two people who consistently call him ‘Deku’, who were the ones to help him work through this.

Izuku stays seated on the roof a bit more, watching the sun set entirely, before he pulls out his phone. He takes a deep breath. And then he sends a message to Todoroki.

 

*

 

[Can we talk?]

 

The fact that Midoriya sent a text reminds Shouto of the widened distance between them. Before, he would have just knocked on Shouto’s door without bothering to ask, certain of his welcome.

This isn’t what Shouto wanted. If he knew his feelings would have created such a gap, he would have never uttered his feelings, even if he thought Midoriya already knew them.

He bites the inside of his mouth as he types his reply.

 

[Of course.]

[Your room or mine?]

 

His question is answered with a knock on his door.

Shouto opens it to find Midoriya standing there, his phone in hand, a nervous expression of his face.

“Hi. Can I, um...”

And the way he’s so uncertain and hesitant, as if he thinks Shouto may refuse his entry, makes Shouto’s heart squeeze painfully.

“Please,” he says, and the word comes out more like a plea than he’d intended. Shouto clears his throat, stepping to the side and inviting Midoriya in.

“Right,” Midoriya murmurs under his breath as if steeling himself once the door is closed behind him. “I’m sorry for bailing on you yesterday. I just, I was... I never even thought about—,” he pauses, takes a deep breath, and starts again.

“First of all. I don’t mean any offence, but... are you sure that you... that you actually...”

He can’t seem to say the word to Shouto’s face, so Shouto says it for him.

“That I love you?”

Midoriya’s cheeks flush, and Shouto stares in slight fascination. Usually it’s the other way around, with Shouto’s cheeks burning at Midoriya’s nonchalant words.

“I mean,” Midoriya pushes on. “You... haven’t had many friends. So what if you’re just... confused?”

Shouto stares. And then he sighs wryly.

“I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the best with social norms. But even I know it’s not ‘just friends’ when you want to kiss someone.”

“Ki—?!” Midoriya’s eyes fly wide open, his face turning a brighter red, before he adverts his gaze.

Shouto is torn between being disappointed at further proof that Midoriya really never even thought about this and melting at just how adorable he is.

Shouto thinks he fell in love in one sense or another the moment Midoriya first smiled at him, burst into angelic flames, and called him Shouto. It had only been a matter of time for that love to turn romantic, but he had realized the nature of his feelings when Midoriya had been kidnapped at the summer training camp.

That night, he realized the answer to the question “what would I do without you.

“You’re the one who always jokes that I’m spoiling you rotten so you won’t be able to manage without me anymore,” Shouto says with a small, resigned smile. “But in truth, it’s the other way around. I can’t do without you.”

He looks Midoriya in the eye.

“I can’t.

It’s as much of a confession as repeating the words I love you, and Midoriya swallows thickly. The message is loud and clear in the mere handful of words Shouto uttered, dripping with intent and heavy with intensity.

“Right,” Midoriya stammers. “I... sorry. I needed to make sure.”

“...You know how I feel,” Shouto says quietly. “What about you?”

A long silence follows his question.

“My parents weren’t married,” Midoriya says with averted eyes, seemingly out of the blue. But Shouto listens attentively because he senses this isn’t an attempt to change the subject but is related to the answer to his question.

(Nevermind that he’d always focus on Midoriya’s words regardless of the situation.)

“I can’t say for certain why my mom stayed with— with him. Maybe she was too scared, maybe she was too used to it, maybe she didn’t have a choice, or maybe it was all of that and more. But the reason she first began living with him was because she loved him.”

Midoriya looks at Shouto imploringly.

“She loved him.”

And, oh. Shouto now understands why Midoriya was so distraught and why he was so blindsided by Shouto’s confession of love.

The problem isn’t that Midorya is just oblivious, or because he has self-esteem issues, or even that he isn’t interested in romance.

It’s that in truth, Midoriya is absolutely traumatized by love.

Midoriya frets and stresses, biting his lower lip and wringing his hands.

“Don’t get me wrong, my mother doesn’t love him anymore, and I know we’re not our parents. I’d never compare you to my father, I would never, but it’s just that I— I don’t— I just never thought—”

It’s the messiest “it’s not you it’s me” speech that Shouto has ever heard. Midoriya seems to be flustered and frustrated at himself, but it’s fine. Trauma isn’t rational, after all, and Shouto has no intention of forcing him out of his comfort zone just on account of Shouto’s feelings.

“It’s alright,” he says as he lays a hand on Midoriya’s arm, trying to soothe him. “Like I said yesterday, I never intended it to be a confession.”

And then he remembers himself and retracts his hand. He should break his habit of casually touching Midoriya now, though he can’t remember when it even became a habit in the first place—

But Midoriya’s hand shoots out to catch Shouto’s before he can fully draw away.

“I— I’m not done yet,” Midoriya continues determinedly, and Shouto can’t help but hold his breath at the way Midoriya is squeezing his hand firmly in such a familiar hold. “That... That’s why I freaked out so much yesterday, I think. Because I... I never really thought about love. I didn’t want to. But after I calmed down, I did think about it... about us.”

Midoriya takes in a deep breath, and then admits quietly.

“...Back at the summer training camp, when I had a mountain dropped on me. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t— I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was going to die. And then— you know how they say you get flashbacks when you’re about to die? I didn’t really believe that before because I never had any flashbacks when my father beat me to the brink of death, though maybe that’s because five years old isn’t long enough to warrant a flashback,” (and Shouto’s heart aches at Midoriya’s nonchalant tone and humourless smile.) “But in that mountain, I did see a flashback. I thought of my mom. I thought of Eraserhead. I thought of All Might.”

Midoriya pauses, and then:

“My last thought was of you.”

Shouto draws in a quick, sharp breath. Midoriya continues, his voice low and steady now.

“And not that I plan to die anytime soon, but if I can choose who to see the next time I see a flashback... I’d still choose you. If I can choose one last thing to see before I die, I’d want it to be you.”

Those words make Shouto lightheaded.

Midoriya lowers his gaze to their entwined hands and keeps talking, as if he doesn’t know how much his words are affecting Shouto, as if he doesn’t know that he’s shattering Shouto’s world and rebuilding it from the foundations.

“I... I don’t know about love. I’ve never really thought about it. I might even be scared of it. But... But if it’s with you... I know that when I’m with you, I’m better than when I’m alone. I know that when we’re together, we are more than the sum of our parts.”

And Shouto is overwhelmed because. How is that not a confession? How is that not a proclamation of love? It puts Shouto’s own simple words of “I love you” to shame. He’s overwhelmed, he’s floored, he’s humbled, he’s touched.

Tears prickle at the corners of his eyes at the sheer magnitude of affection Midoriya just casually admits without even understanding what he’s saying. Without knowing what that does to Shouto.

Midoriya finally looks back up at Shouto’s face, only for his eyes to widen at the tears in Shouto’s mismatched eyes.

“Why are you crying?”

Shouto blinks, and the tears spill over.

He squeezes Midoriya’s hand.

He laughs.

“I love you,” he says helplessly, because while these words are woefully lacking, they’re all he has. “You know that, right?”

It’s a repeat of last night, the very same words that set off this entire thing. But instead of panicking, this time, Midoriya leans forward to rest his forehead against Shouto’s.

“I know,” he whispers, and Shouto wants to breathe in the words ghosting over his lips. “...I think I love you too.”

Shouto grins, freer and brighter than ever before.

“I know.”

 

 

 

+ Omake +

 

“...What now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve never done this before.”

“Neither have I, you know.”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“There is... something, that I’ve always wanted to do.”

“Hm?”

“...Can I call you Izuku?”

“Oh. ...Oh. Of course... Shouto.”

 

Notes:

Originally, I had this great plan to upload this chapter on February 14th (the “full romance” chapter on Valentine’s Day, I know, aren’t I so smurt) but then shit got hectic irl (including but not limited to my house almost burning down) and, well, here we are now. I’m sorry for the wait, and I sincerely hope that BYW can help you in these troubling times, even just the tiniest bit, in any way at all.

Not entirely unrelatedly, I changed my nickname. I... didn’t feel like a white kiwibird anymore, so now I’m Crowbird (crowbird-kamakse on Tumblr). So don’t be weirded out if some random guy with a crow profile pic starts replying to your comments/posts. It is I!

Stay safe, darlings. Love you all.

 

Edit: Gosh I can't believe I forgot this, but:
*IZUKU HEADBANG*