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Junhee and his family stepped out of the church in their best outfits. Junhee's father stopped to talk to the priest about just some random things as they were friends. Junhee, his two sisters, and his mom walked to the car as his dad chatted away. On the way to the car, Junhee locked eyes with the one and only; Lee Donghun. Literally every parent's nightmare. He was smoking a cigarette, sitting in his car staring Junhee in the eyes, a grin planted on his face as Junhee's face started to turn a light shade of pink. 

"Come on kids, get in the car," Junhee heard his father say behind him. Junhee broke eye contact his cheeks still tinted pink and opened the car door getting in. Junhee glanced out the window and saw Donghun was still staring at him, he looked down at his lap as his older sisters argued about something stupid and random. "Girls, that's enough," Mr. Park said starting the car, he looked out his window and saw Donghun, he scoffed. "Stay away from that boy, you hear me? If I ever hear or see you near him I will make sure you wish you were never born. Understand?"

"Yes, dad," the three said in unison.

"I will not have my kids around that trash," Mr. Park mumbled glaring at Donghun who had just put out his cigarette. Mrs. Park turned around to look at her three kids who were all squished in the back.

"He's not a good kid. Don't hang around him," the three nodded and Sooyoung snorted. "What's so funny, Sooyoung?"

"Oh nothing, it's too early for someone to be smoking."

"I didn't realize there were certain times were allowed to smoke," Junhee sassed making Mrs. Park turn around once again.

"Watch your attitude," Junhee looked down at his lap once more.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

They drove home in silence, Junhee leaning his head against the window Donghun's cold, sad, yet attractive eyes filled his mind. God, it's okay to think another man is attractive, right?' Junhee asked in his head, he knows if he asked his parents he'd get yelled at and he didn't want that. So he'd settle with asking the lord. He never got a response back from him, but he always settles with he's really busy, so he doesn't think much of it. There have been many times he has questioned his existence then he goes to church and talks to his parents and they assure him he's real and is within him and that's enough for him.

 --

Bitna, Sooyoung, and Junhee went to their rooms to do any homework or study while their mom made lunch and their dad worked on some old car in the garage. 

Junhee sat at his desk, his head in his and, his other hand fiddling with his pencil. He was stumped on this one question and searched for it in his textbook and on his computer. He was frustrated, to say the least, he just wanted his question answered. He stared at the question for a few more seconds then moved on to the next question. 

Just as he was about to move onto his next worksheet Sooyoung barged into his room to tell him it was time for lunch. He nodded and made his way down to the dining room. Everyone was sitting at the table, he sat in his chair and his mom smiled at him, he kindly returned the smile. 

"Let's pray, shall we?" Mrs. Park said bowing her head, everyone following, including Bitna who is an atheist.

"Come now Lord, be our guest, let this food and us be blessed, amen," Junhee said. The Park family didn't do a big pray before eating, they just did a basic pray like many Christian families. 

"Hey, mom?" Sooyoung said swallowing the food in her mouth.

"Yes, dear?" 

"Could Yeri and I hang out after?"

"Yes, but be home before 6," Sooyoung nodded and finished continued eating her food.

"Could I go hang out with my friends?" Junhee asked.

"Same rules apply."

"Okay, thank you, mom," Junhee scarfed down his lunch then texted Byeongkwan, Hoseok, and Youngjae asking them if they wanted to hang out. Luckily everyone said they could.

-

Junhee was on his way to the meeting spot they all agreed to meet. Junhee took his time getting to their meeting spot since he lives the closest to it. He took a few pictures here and there, some of just himself, some of just the colourful trees, and one or two of him with the trees. He got there soon enough and was still the first one there even though he spent an extra 5 minutes getting there. He wasn't there alone for long though, Hoseok came first, then Byeongkwan came with Youngjae. Junhee and Hoseok waved and smiled at them as they approached the two boys. 

"So, what do you guys what to do?" Hoseok asked. Youngjae and Byeongkwan looked like they were thinking so hard their heads were going to explode. Junhee and Hoseok watched as Youngjae's face stopped stressing and tensing and was smiling widely.

"We could get ice cream!" Byeongkwan looked over at Youngjae like he was the most brilliant person in the world.

"Fantastic, let's go get some ice cream! Youngjae's paying 'cause he was the last one of us to make it," Youngjae looked at them with wide eyes.

"What?! We got here at the same time, Kwan!"

"What? No way!"

"Kwan, you two made it at the same time so both of you get to pay," Junhee grinned as he watched Byeongkwan's mouth drop.

"Wha-"

"No, and's, if's, or but's, Byeongkwan, you two should walk faster than me," Hoseok butted in, trying to suppress his giggles as Byeongkwan's face drained of pure happiness and filled with pure disbelief and betrayal. 

"I can't believe you guys," Byeongkwan mumbled glaring at everyone. "Why can't Junhee pay for once?"

"Because I get here first all the time. Step your game up," Byeongkwan rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.

"Whatever, baby chick. Let's go,"

"Baby chick? Why'd you call me that?"

"'Cause you're cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap," Byeongkwan replied his voice going higher while saying "Cheap" imitating a baby chick chirping.

"Wow, somebody's salty," Youngjae laughed, everyone except Byeongkwan laughed. They started walking down the sidewalk on their way to the ice cream shop. They joked about random things, talked about weird things that happened in class and Byeongkwan kept making dirty jokes that Junhee didn't always understand, Junhee wouldn't say he was completely sheltered as a child and early teenager but he certainly wasn't allowed to know what a lot of things meant up until he turned 16. His friends tried to teach him different slangs and what different phrases meant but he hasn't quite learned them all. Junhee stared at the ground furrowing his eyebrows trying to figure out yet another dirty joke one of his friends made. Junhee heard his friends telling him to look out, he started to look up but mid head lift he bumped into someone startling him making him jump back. 

"Oh, I'm sorry," Junhee muttered out of embarrassment.

"Watch where you're walking, baby boy," Junhee's head snapped up and he was face to face with Lee Donghun, the one person everyone in his family despised and wanted him to stay away from. Junhee felt a blush creep up his neck to his cheeks, he quickly looked away and mumbled another apology then walked away with his friends feeling incredibly hot. They walked quietly now, all the boys were grinning and lightly chuckling at Junhee and what happened while he was trying to pull himself together. 

 -

 

They walked into the ice cream shop and Junhee let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He heard his friends giggles and glared at them.

"It's not funny," Junhee whined.

"Yeah, it's hilarious," Youngjae said making everyone but Junhee burst out laughing, Junhee tired his hardest to hide his smile but couldn't. His friends' laughter was contagious, no matter how un-funny the situation was.

"The Park Junhee who is a devoted Christian that doesn't approve of gay people is really out here being a whole gay whenever Lee Donghun is within 6 meters distance," Byeongkwan laughed, making the rest of the friends laugh harder.

"I'm not gay."

"Hmm, and I'm not in an honours class for English."

"I'm not," Junhee gave him a look.

"Okay," Hoseok said walking up the counter with Byeongkwan and Youngjae's money and ordered everyone the ice cream they normally get. Junhee rolled his eyes with a scoff. Hoseok soon came back with all their ice creams somehow carrying all of them. They took their ice creams with a thank you and sat down at a booth eating them.

 -

 

"What do you guys think about gay people?" Junhee asked, curious about his friends' answers.

"They're just like everyone else, so I don't understand why people don't like them. They're people too, but I do know that some people, like you, were raised that being gay is gross and is a sin when it's just who they are and they can't change that," Youngjae said, Hoseok and Byeongkwan nodded their heads agreeing with what he said.

Junhee nodded then looked at his other two friends, "What about you two?"

"I think the same as Youngjae, they are just trying to live their life the best they can just like everyone else. It shouldn't matter if someone is gay, it shouldn't matter to anyone what happens in their bedroom. It's none of our business," Hoseok said plainly.

"I agree with Hoseok and Youngjae," Byeongkwan said. "What do you think about gay people, Junhee?"

"Uh, I don't know. I don't know if I know anyone who is gay," Junhee pouted his lips as he thought.

"Are you sure?" 

"I think I'd know if I saw someone who was gay."

"Apparently not," Byeongkwan said, tilting his head to the side slightly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Junhee laughs along even though he doesn't understand.

"Junhee, gay people are literally all around you," Junhee visibly stiffened for a few seconds then softened up.

"I don't know guys. I'm very conflicted because my religion says no, my family says no, but you guys say yes. So, maybe fifty-fifty? I don't know I'm just confused as well." Youngjae furrowed his eyebrows.

"What are you confused about?"

"I don't know it's like I haven't had the chance to create my own opinion on that yet due to the churches constant--and I mean constant reminders that it is sinful to be homosexual and you will go to hell for being homosexual. My parents also make comments on the few out people here and it's hard to form your own opinion on something if you haven't really been exposed to it or seen different sides."

"I guess you have a point. But Junhee, you can't let how your parents think and how your church thinks form your personal opinion. Don't even let us," Hoseok told him, taking a bite of his ice cream.

Chapter Text

Sometimes Junhee attended choir and today was one of those days. Choir practice had ended and he had nothing to do so he went to choir and planned to meet up with Byeongkwan. He stepped out of the church building holding the door open for the rest of the people in the building who did choir with him. letting go of the door he left to get going to the mall to meet up with Byeongkwan to hang out. He bid his goodbyes to the choir and walked off to the mall. Junhee walked down the street, he ran his hand through his hair removing it from his face.

 -

 

"Hey!" Byeongkwan said excitedly waving to Junhee as he walked into the mall. Junhee looked up from his phone and smiled waving back.

"Hey! How are you?"

"I'm good, how are you?"

"I'm good," Byeongkwan smiled. "Have you thought about anything that we said yesterday?" Junhee frowned.

"Yeah, a little. It's hard though."

"Junhee, it's normal for people to be gay."

"I know, I know. It's just I was raised it was wrong so trying to convince myself otherwise is hard."

"Ah, I see. Let's go shopping," Byeongkwan said grabbing Junhee's hand and pulled him towards his choice of clothing store. Byeongkwan browsed around looking at all different kinds of clothing, even the women's. When Junhee asked why he was looking there Byeongkwan told him it was his sisters birthday soon and wanted ideas. Junhee just nodded and looked around too. Byeongkwan pulled out a pair of extremely ripped jeans. "Junhee, come here!" Byeongkwan called to Junhee. Junhee put the shirt he was looking at back where it came from and walked to where Byeongkwan was.

"What is it?"

"You should get these."

"Why? There's like nothing there."

"Cause you'd look good in them. You have nice legs," Junhee grabbed the pants and looked at them, then handed them back to Byeongkwan.

"These are women's jeans."

"Really?" Byeongkwan questioned and looked at the tags. "I guess you're right, but just try them on. No one will know."

"Girls who have the same pants will."

"Jesus Junhee, it's 2019. Men are out here wearing full-on glam makeup and some wear crop tops, heels, and even hot pants. No one is going to care," Junhee sighed in defeat and grabbed the pants then went to the changing room. He put on the pants and surprisingly they fit. "Junhee, are you done?"

"Yeah."

"Come out! Let me see!" Junhee fixed his shirt and walked out of the changing room. Byeongkwan stared at him with wide eyes and his mouth wide open. Junhee crossed his arms.

"Close your mouth," Byeongkwan just continued looking at his thighs.

"Wow, your thighs." 

"Yeah, they're showing a lot. I don't think I like it," Byeongkwan looked at him weirdly.

"Oh you're getting those, you look hot. Your thighs are so nice and look so smooth," Byeongkwan looked at his legs, squinting, "Do you shave your legs?" Junhee scoffed.

"W-what?"

"Do you though? Like they look so smooth. Do you wax? How are they so smooth?"

"I put lotion on them."

"No, you definitely shave or wax."

"What do you mean definitely?"

"No one's legs are that smooth." 

"This conversation is over, I can't talk about how smooth my legs are anymore. It's weird."

"K. Anyway, you're getting those pants, if you won't buy them for yourself, I will buy them for you. You look hot in them, if you ever go to a party or if you for some reason go to a street race wear those."

"If I don't have any place to wear them, why buy them?"

"If you wear them you might get a bad boy, dare I say--Lee Donghun," Byeongkwan wiggled his eyebrows in a joking manner.

"I don't like guys--or him," he whined.

"Junhee, you say you don't like guys but you turn into one of those Japanese anime school girls or a flustered main female role in any drama when you see Donghun,"

"That's not true!"

"Next time we run into him, I'm taking a video and sending it to the group chat."

"That's weird."

"I have to prove I'm right somehow." 

"Let's stop talking about this."

"Okay, go get changed out of those before I die and then we'll pay for them and leave to get something to eat," Junhee rolled his eyes and went back into the change room and changed back into his regular jeans. When he walked out of the change room Byeongkwan stood up and they went to the till and Junhee ended up buying the jeans just to shut Byeongkwan up. They walked out of the store and went and got something to eat, Junhee got up from his seat and pulled out his wallet.

"Want a bubble tea?"

"Bubble tea?" Byeongkwan's looked at him, his eyebrow raised--seeing if he heard right.

"Yeah. Do you want one?"

"Yes, please," Junhee already knew what one Byeongkwan probably wanted. Byeongkwan liked sweet things, so he'd want milk tea, while Junhee wanted to get the Green Tea one. When he reached the stand that sold bubble tea he ordered both of their drinks and paid then waited for them to be made. A minute or two later they were done and handed to him. 

"Thank you," He said grabbing them then walked off back to Byeongkwan. When Byeongkwan came in his line of sight he saw one of Donghun's friends sitting across from Byeongkwan, he got a little closer and saw they were holding hands on the table. He was in hearing range and sat down at a table and started listening to their conversation when though he knew he shouldn't.

"I missed you," Sehyoon said kissing one of Byeongkwan's hands.

"You saw me last night and this morning, I stayed at your place."

"Hmm, still missed you," Byeongkwan rolled his eyes playfully and laughed lightly.

"I knew I should've left last night."

"Oh really? Because last night you- "

"Don't talk like that, we're in public. Junhee will probably be here like any second," Byeongkwan whined, hiding his face in his arm. Sehyoon smirked.

"I guess I better get going then," Sehyoon said leaning in and giving Byeongkwan a kiss on the forehead. Byeongkwan leaned into Sehyoon's lips and Sehyoon pulled away and Byeongkwan pouted. Sehyoon chuckled and said bye one more time before leaving. Junhee sat in his seat confused. When he finally snapped out of it he settled on not bringing it up since it might embarrass his friend. He got up from his chair and walked over to Byeongkwan handing over his drink.

"Thank you!" Byeongkwan smiled cheerfully happy he got his drink. He's like a cute baby Junhee thought to himself smiling at his friend.

"Anytime."

"How long have we been here?"

"I don't know..."

"It feels like it's been 10 minutes."

"Yeah, but I know we spent a good hour in that one store. Should we go check out other places."

"Yeah, let's go to the video game place, I can't remember what it's called."

"Ahh, I know what place you're talking about. Let's go," Junhee said getting up, Byeongkwan following a second after. They went to Gamespace and looked around talking about different games. Byeongkwan ended up buying Overwatch for his computer, he had Overwatch but he didn't have it on his computer. Junhee bought Diablo and a few other games he might not ever be able to play due to his parent's rules about violent video games. 

 

They spent about 4 hours at the mall together and Byeongkwan had to leave cause he had work and Junhee wanted to sleep when he got home. Junhee walked out of the doors of the mall and made his way down the sidewalk. He ran his hand through his hair once again. "Hey baby, how are you?" Junhee was stopped by the one and only Lee Donghun. 

"I'm fine, but I need to go home, so bye," Donghun stepped a little closer to Junhee.

"Not even going to ask how I am? That's a little rude, don't you think?" His voice was cold yet teasing and Junhee was glad it was getting darker, that way Donghun couldn't see his cheeks if he starts blushing.

"Fine, how are you? Can I go now?"

"I'm fine, thanks for asking. Before you go, there's a party tomorrow night. You're coming, I'll be at your house at 9 pm. It's a bit away, so be ready for a 2-hour car ride with me, baby boy," Donghun winked; a smug grin planted on his face. Junhee flushed at the name, he didn't hate the way it came out of Donghun's mouth but at the same time he hated it so much.

"Oh come on, Donghun, do you really think he'll go?" Yuchan laughed. Junhee hated when people would do that. Junhee glared at Yuchan and looked back at Donghun.

"Yeah, sure, whatever, I'll come. Bye," Junhee said his cheeks puffing out as he walked past the group of boys and headed home.

Chapter Text

Youngjae and Junhee sat in the cafeteria waiting for Hoseok and Byeongkwan. Junhee was silently eating his soup while Youngjae was glaring at him. "You're hiding something," Youngjae said still glaring. Junhee looked up from his soup.

"What do you mean?"

"You're hiding something from us," Youngjae repeated.

"What? No." 

"Yes, you are, but I'm not going to force you to tell me or the rest if you're not ready."

"Something weird happened, that's all," Youngjae shifted in his seat very interested in the weird event.

"What happened, if you don't mind telling me, that is."

"I was walking by the back alley near the mall, you remember that one?"

"Yeah, the one where someone gave you $5 and told you to buy yourself something pretty?"

"Yeah, that one. Anyway, I was walking by it and I ran into Donghun again, not literally, and then he invited me to a party and I rejected then he said he'll be at my place at 9 pm tomorrow, well today."

"That's the weird thing?"

"Yes, but why would he make me go to a party?"

"I don't know," Youngjae felt content that whatever was bothering Junhee was now out. Youngjae took a bite of his rice while Junhee finished his lunch. Hoseok and Byeongkwan joined them with an extra guest, Jaebum. Jaebum took a seat next to Youngjae and Junhee looked at them weirdly as they flirted with each other, being extremely obvious. He can't be...

No matter how many times he has told his friends that he's starting to think being gay is okay he can't find himself to actually believe it. He can't help but find it weird, it's how he was raised it was practically programmed into him. He used to read the bible every night before bed and every morning before school, he has finished the book five times, he didn't want to read it anymore, he could probably recite the whole thing forwards and backwards. He strongly believed the bible was right, homosexuality is a sin. The bible says man and women, so that is what's right.

Junhee excused himself and went to the bathroom and splashed his face. Why were his friends gay? How could they commit such a sin? Junhee stared into the mirror, he was ready to cry. They couldn't possibly gay, they don't act like how the priest and his father said they act, they don't look gay. How?

 

Junhee stepped out of the bathroom and ran into his friends. "Hi, Junhee," Hoseok smiled Junhee gave him a demure smile then walked off to class again. The rest of the day he avoided his friends for the rest of the day coming up with the excuse "I'm busy, I have a lot of homework," although that was true. He did have work to do but it wasn't due any time soon. He just felt like he needed to think about somethings.

His parents, friends at church, priest, tell him homosexuality is wrong, God says so. But his friends; they tell him differently, and so does his heart, he just doesn't know it yet. He's scared of what will happen if he does recognize it and accept it, so he chooses to ignore it. His parents say homosexuality is a choice, but his friends say otherwise. If homosexuality is a choice why were Byeongkwan and Sehyoon acting like that in the mall and why were Youngjae and Jaebum flirting? Why would he choose to do that? He didn't understand. Junhee was so frustrated, his friends who he trusts with everything in him tell him it's okay to be gay but his parents who raised him and he loves with all his heart tell him it's wrong and homosexuals will go to hell. He was so conflicted and confused, he needed time to think.

 -

Junhee wasn't planning on going to the party Donghun invited him to, he hoped Donghun wasn't going to come, but he knew he would cause Lee Donghun has done everything he said he was going to do. And now Junhee was here. Sitting on his desk chair staring at his closet. Junhee eventually got up aggressively and got into a plain white t-shirt and those new pants he bought with Byeongkwan (his parents hate them with a burning passion) then put on a random pair of shoes he found in his closet. He looked in the mirror and put on some lip balm and fixed his hair a bit. He looked at the time on his phone and saw Donghun should be there soon. He had about 5 minutes, he looked out his window and Donghun was already there, he was at the end of the street.

Junhee took a deep breath his stomach tightening with nervousness. He shuffled over to his door and locked it. "Night mom! Night dad!" Junhee yelled to his parents. When he heard them bid him goodnight he bit his lip and looked over at his window, he strode over to his window and opened it then climbed out as carefully as he could. When he landed, being the clumsy person he is he ended up hurting his knee. He made a face of pain then whispered an "ouch" while rubbing his knee, he got up and walked to Donghun's car. When he reached the car he leaned down and Donghun rolled down the window with a cocky smile. 

"I knew you'd come."

"Don't make me turn back and go back to my bed," Junhee threatened. Donghun chuckled.

"Do that and I'll drive in front of your house and knock on your front door and ask for you."

"They wouldn't let you in."

"Who said they'd give me permission? I'd walk past whoever and go to your room and if they ask what I'm doing, I'll tell them I'm going to fuck their son's brains out," Donghun winked and Junhee gasped.

"You'd never."

"When have I ever not done something I said I'd do, Park Junhee?" Donghun raised an eyebrow. Junhee glared at him and opened the car door and sat down.

"Shut up, Lee Donghun," Junhee said trying to sound poisonous. Donghun laughed.

"You look great by the way," Donghun told him as he started driving down the street. Junhee smiled a little.

"Thank you."

"Like the pants the most, your legs are sexy," Junhee blushed, Byeongkwan was right. I do have nice legs Junhee thought to himself as he looked at his legs. The drive to the party was pretty silent, Donghun had some music softly playing in the car. It wasn't what Junhee would expect from him, he didn't know what he expected but it wasn't R&B. About an hour into the car ride Donghun thought it would be a good idea to place his hand on Junhee's inner thigh. Junhee felt a blush creep up his neck and up to his cheeks. It was a gesture that could mean something sexual or I care for you, he didn't know what this one meant. He didn't think it was the second one, but the thought of it being the first one made him blush even harder and suddenly get hot as he thought to what Donghun said before he got into the car. 

Who said they'd give me permission? I'd walk past whoever and go to your room and if they ask what I'm doing, I'll tell them I'm going to fuck their son's brains out

I'm going to fuck their son's brains out 

I'm going to fuck their son's brains out

I'm going to fuck-

"Junhee? You okay there?" Donghun asked chuckling at Junhee's face. He had his mouth slightly open and his eyes were wide as if he heard something scandalous. 

"Y-yeah," Junhee studdered trying to stop that one phrase from repeating again. Donghun glanced at him again.

"What's on your lips? They look shiny," 

"Uhh, Nivea lip balm."

"God bless, Nivea lip balm," Donghun mumbled staring at Junhee's lips. 

"Eyes on the road, I don't want to die," Junhee demanded, turning Donghun's head so it was facing the road again. "Are we almost there? I'm tired."

"We're going to be up all night," Donghun informed Junhee, Junhee snapped his head towards Donghun.

"Maybe you are, but I'm not. I have a quiz tomorrow!"

"That sounds like a you problem."

"Oh my gosh, if I fail it, you're going to pay."

"It's a quiz, it's like not even going to touch your grade."

"But my parents will be nosy and ask why I failed it. I can't tell them I was at a party!"

"Junhee, you'll be fine," Donghun reassured his thumb drawing circles on Junhee's inner thigh. Junhee panicked and pushed Donghun's hand off his thigh. Donghun visibly flinched with shock and put his hand back on the steering wheel. Junhee crossed his arms and sighed.

-

The car came to a stop in front of a big house with lots of people and loud music. "We're here," Donghun removed his hand from the steering wheel and stepped out, waiting for Junhee to step out of the car. 

They walked into the house, Junhee holding into the back of Donghun's shirt. Donghun turned his head around to look at Junhee, Junhee was looking at the ground cautiously looking up every now and then. Donghun went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer for himself and water for Junhee. Junhee had let go of his shirt as there were way fewer people in the kitchen and he wasn't as anxious. Donghun handed Junhee the water, Junhee gladly took it.

"Water?" Junhee asked, hoping it wasn't a water bottle filled with some alcohol.

"Yeah, I don't want you to get drunk yet."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Junhee tittered.

"It means, I want you to stay innocent a little longer."

"I'm not innocent."

"Have you ever had alcohol? And wine at church or during holidays doesn't count."

"Why? I still had alcohol," Junhee said defensively. Donghun just shook his head.

"Drinking for Jesus and drinking for yourself are two different things. Have you ever had sex?" Junhee choked on his saliva. 

"N-no, I wanted to wait until I get married," Junhee stuttered, Donghun smirked and took a swig of his beer.

"Ah, my friends are here, come on," Junhee held onto Donghun's shirt as they went over to Donghun's friends. When they reached them Junhee let go of Donghun's shirt a little. Whenever he was nervous or anxious he would hold onto someone's shirt or jacket, he didn't care who it was, he just did it cause it made him feel a little less anxious.

"Pretty boy came, surprising," Yuchan tittered, Junhee glared.

"Yeah, I did say I would, didn't I?" Sehyoon chuckled at Junhee's response and the look of shock on Yuchan's face.

"Yeah, I guess you did," Yuchan replied cocking his head to the side. 

"Junhee," Namjoon said making Junhee turn towards him.

"Yes?"

"You look hot as hell, wear those pants more often," Junhee gave Namjoon a small smile.

"Thank you."

 -

 

The rest of the night Donghun ignored Junhee, he was too busy talking with his friends. Junhee was hit on by both girls and boys, both trying to touch his legs or butt. He was uncomfortable without Donghun, he didn't really know there. 

Junhee had to go to the bathroom he tapped Donghun's shoulder a few times and he didn't even bat an eye. Junhee groaned in frustration, he just wanted Donghun to pay attention to him and help him but it didn't look like he was going to get that so, he left to find the bathroom by himself. After the fourth door, he was about to give up, the only rooms he was finding were the ones people were having sex in, vomiting in or sleeping in. When he finally found the bathroom he sighed in relief, closing the door and locking it he did his business and went out to find Donghun again. When he found him again he was in a corner messily making out with a girl. Junhee looked at them with the face that read 'Are you serious?' he was disappointed but he wasn't really surprised. Junhee just went to the couch and sat down playing with his hands. He was so tired, he wanted to go home, but Donghun had been drinking, his ride had been drinking. So now, he had to either find someone who hasn't been drinking to drive him home or stay the night and have his parents put him in the basement for god knows how long for disobeying them and going to a party; a party that he went to with the one person his parents don't want him to be around.

Junhee was starting to fall asleep on the couch and he heard everyone go quiet and a pen open. He opened his eyes and glared harshly at the person holding the pen. "Don't you fucking dare. I'm not playing around. Put the pen away," the guy put the pen away and he looked around the room and saw Donghun smirking showing his teeth a bit while he had a finger between his teeth.

Junhee rarely swears so when he does it means he's pissed off and means business. Junhee got up from the couch and started walking to the bathroom. "Continue with your partying, I need to use the bathroom," Junhee yelled out from the hall. 

When he came out of the bathroom Donghun was leaning against the wall. "What do you want, Donghun?"

"Let's get you home."

"You've been drinking, you can't drive," Junhee told him, already exhausted from the conversation.

"I had one beer, the rest of the night I had water, I'm pretty sober. It's late and you're tired, let's go," Donghun said his voice dripping with affection as he grabbed Junhee's hand and walked out of the house to his car. Junhee lazily climbed into Donghun's car and put on his seatbelt.

"What time is it? My phone died," Junhee asked. Donghun started the car and pointed to the radio.

"3:30 am."

"My parents are up by 7 am so I should have a bit of time to get ready for school and sleep," Junhee thought out loud then closed his eyes.

 -

 

"Junhee, Junhee, wake up," Donghun shook Junhee a bit. His eyes fluttered open and he stretched a bit.

"Hmm?" Junhee hummed his eyes still closed.

"Are you hungry?" Junhee nodded his head and cuddled into the seat. "What would you like?"

"Food."

"What kind?"

"Let's go... Coffee Shop. Yeah, Subway," Junhee said his mind fuzzy from lack of sleep. 

"You're so cute."

"Yes, I am cutie," Junhee's brain still not able to make proper sentences or even think properly.

"Coffee shop or Subway?"

"Yes," Junhee mumbled, Donghun took that as he needs a coffee and wants a sub to eat. Donghun drove to the nearest coffee shop that had a drive-thru and just got both of them large iced Americanos. Donghun drove to Subway and woke Junhee up again. 

"We're here."

"Where?" Junhee grumbled Donghun smiled a genuine smile as he watched Junhee slowly wake and look around his hair a mess and his face a little puffy.

"Subway, you said you wanted Subway, and coffee shop and I got both of us Iced Americanos cause everybody seems to like them these days," Junhee sleepily laughed at the last part and stretched then got out of the car with Donghun. It was 5 am so the sun was starting to rise and it looked beautiful to Junhee. He had always loved sunsets and sunrises. The two boys walked into Subway (which was surprisingly open) and each got a foot long sub. They sat in a booth and ate their subs taking their time.

"Who was that girl you were making out with?" Junhee asked taking a bite out of his sub.

"I didn't make out with anyone?"

"Yeah, at the party. I went to the bathroom and when I came back you and some girl were eating each other's faces."

"Oh her, I'm not sure. We just started talking and then we started kissing. Not very good, she was sloppy. Some people like that but I don't," Junhee blinked.

"Oh," Donghun chuckled and looked at his phone.

"We should get going soon, you still need to go and get ready for school and I need to go home and sleep."

"Do you want me to drive the rest of the way and let you sleep? Don't we still have like half an hour more of driving time?"

"No, no, it's okay. I can drive."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Let's get you home, Park Junhee," Donghun said getting up and grabbing his garbage and Junhee's garbage and putting it in the trash can. The pair stepped outside and Donghun pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Junhee stared at Donghun tilting his head in curiosity, he knew Donghun smoked and what a cigarette was but he didn't know why Donghun did it. "Why are you staring? Do you want it?" Donghun asked Junhee shook his head waving his hands with wide eyes.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Smoke, party, drink, have casual sex, all of it?" Donghun took another drag of his cigarette then blew out the smoke.

"'Cause I can, I don't know, honestly."

"Why would you have casual sex if you could have sex with someone you love?"

"'Cause I like having sex and I haven't found somebody I love."

"I hope you find a nice girl soon," Donghun rolled his eyes, he doesn't want a girl. He may be bisexual but, he prefers boys, he likes girls but prefers boys. He only wants one boy right now, but sadly, that boy is homophobic and straight. Which is ironic since all his friends are a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Hoseok is bi, Byeongkwan is gay, and so is Youngjae. Don't gay people usually attract each other? Like all his friends are also a part of it in some way. Namjoon is asexual, Jaebum is pan, Yuchan is demi, Sehyoon is bi, and he's also bi. "Why'd you roll your eyes?" Junhee tittered.

"'Cause I like boys."

"O-oh," Junhee stuttered immediately walking to the car. Donghun walked behind him and got in the driver's seat and drove off to Junhee's house. 

 -

Junhee undid his seatbelt and sat in Donghun's car. Donghun and Junhee stared at each other, Junhee was the first to look away, flustered. "Thank you for driving me home. I hate to admit it, but I didn't have a terrible time. Thank you."

"I'll be here same time next week. Be here."

"Oh, I'm not going again," Junhee said getting out of the car.

"We're not going to a party this time."

"Donghun, I said I'm not going."

"It's in town, I'll be here at nine on Friday night, dress like how you are now. You look sexy."

"Don't wait for me, I won't be here. I'll be sleeping."

"Hmm, k. See you tomorrow," Donghun winked then drove off. Junhee walked to his house and climbed back into his room through his window with much difficulty. Junhee changed into his school uniform and quietly got ready for school then went back to sleep for the little time he had left before his parents woke up and his alarm went off. 

Chapter Text

Donghun stepped into his house with a large sigh. Jieun was on the couch on her phone, she looked up from her phone to Donghun. "Why'd you sigh?"

"I'm tired."

"Then don't party 'til 3 am almost every night. I don't know, just an idea."

"Shut up, Jieun."

"Just go lay your lazy ass down and sleep, you big baby."

"I'm not a baby," Donghun argued whining.

"Yes, you are. Go to bed, you're cranky," Donghun rolled his eyes and walked off to his room sending his older sister the middle finger. Jieun rolled her eyes and went back to her phone. Donghun was truly a handful, he lived by his own rules, he drank a lot, he partied a lot, he brought home a lot of people, he smoked cigarettes, constantly got into fights, he didn't listen to anyone, not his mom or sister. Jieun had gotten used to his kind of behaviour from Donghun but she wishes her mother would do something but her mom's never home, she's always working. But I guess that's a good thing, their mother is a bit of a controlling bitch who doesn't care about anyone but herself, puts herself before her children, she was stuck up, Jieun was kind of glad she wasn't home most of the time. 

 

Donghun laid on his bed, he was scrolling through Twitter looking for any school drama and gossip. So far he found out the Wendy cheated on Will with Seulgi and Justin the new foreign student. And apparently, Mark and Donghyuk got into a fist fight just a couple minutes ago. Someone was dumb enough to record it and post it on Twitter. Donghun set his phone on his night table and stipped off his clothes and climbed under his blankets. Donghun slept peacefully for most of the day, he didn't even bother going to school, he didn't feel like going. His sister always says "Attendance counts as your grades too, you know! If you actually show up you might not fail. I know you're not failing cause of assignments or tests, you're a very intelligent person, Donghun. You just don't show up so you're failing," or something along those lines. 

Jieun walked up to Donghun's room and barged in. "Wake up. Your friends are here," Donghun groaned and turned so he was facing where she was standing.

"Tell them to fuck off, I'm tired."

"No, get up. You need to get up, you've slept for like ten hours."

"Ten? What time is it?"

"Seven-thirty at nght, Donghun,"

"Let me sleep 'til morning."

"Are you going to go to school if I do?"

"No."

"Then get your ass up and hang out with your friends," Donghun huffed angrily as Jieun walked out. Donghun got out of bed and walked over to his closet pulling out a black hoodie and then put on some blue jeans he didn't even know he had. He went into his bathroom and fixed his hair a bit and washed his face. Donghun put on deodorant and walked downstairs and saw his friends sitting lazily on the couch.

"What's up? Why are you here?" Donghun asked plopping down next to Jaebum.

"Let's go out," Jaebum said.

"Nah, I'm tired."

"Not party out," Donghun sighed and closed his eyes.

"Man, I'm tired," Donghun was a cuddly person when he was tired and his friends have gotten used to Donghun clinging to them when he's tired so Jaebum didn't even blink an eye when Donghun threw a leg over him and wrapped his arms around him. Donghun was one of those people who looked badass and acted like a douchebag but he was the softest person to people he cares about. 

"Come on, Donghun. Get your shoes on and let's go"

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to get some chicken or something and then go to a street race."

"Are we just showing up or going in?"

"Just showing up."

"Thank god, last time I had to pay a lot of money to get my car fixed."

"Yeah, but you won, plus you have a lot of money so it didn't put you in debt or anything."

"At that time my mom had cut me off cause she saw how much money I was spending on things. Anyway, let's go. I should change though," Donghun said getting up off the couch and walking up the stairs to his room. 

"Just put on a white tee, Donghun," Namjoon called out to Donghun. Soon Donghun came down the stairs and they left to get some chicken.

 

"Damn, dude, you look like a mess," Sehyoon laughed as they got out of the car and walked into the chicken place. Donghun rolled his eyes.

"Fuck off," when they walked in Donghun saw Youngjae and Byeongkwan. Youngjae and Byeongkwan waved at them and waved them over. "Y'all invited your boyfriends?" Donghun asked as they all sat down at a big table.

"Uh, yeah, I hope you don't mind," Jaebum said scratching the back of his neck. 

"No, not at all," Donghun replied, wishing he had a boyfriend to bring too.

 -

 

They all talked about random things, then they somehow got onto the topic of Junhee. "How was he at the party, Donghun?" Youngjae asked. Hoseok and Byeongkwan looked at Youngjae confused.

"What party?" Byeongkwan asked confused.

"I took him to a party last night. He was good, he looked hot as fuck," Donghun told him remembering what Junhee was wearing.

"What was he wearing?" Youngjae asked.

"He was wearing these really ripped up jeans that were tight but like fit his legs and hips perfectly and a plain white t-shirt," Donghun said. Byeongkwan pulled out his phone and pulled up a picture and showed it to Donghun.

"These pants?"

"Yeah! Those ones!"

"I told him to get them cause he looked hot and cause he has nice legs," Byeongkwan said proudly smiling, closing his eyes. Sehyoon stared at Byeongkwan lovingly and held his hand.

"I hope nothing but good things come your way, Byeongkwan, I couldn't stop staring when I saw him," Donghun said making everyone laugh.

"He looks good," Youngjae said when he saw the photo of Junhee in the pants. Everyone nodded in agreement.

"That's not the only thing that's nice," Byeongkwan smirked. Youngjae looked over at Byeongkwan and said.

"Yeah, his personality is also nice."

"Exactly!"  Byeongkwan said just as their chicken had finally arrived. They eat it quickly seeing as the chicken took longer than expected to cook. 

 -

Namjoon parked the car, Youngjae and his friends soon came up beside them and parked. They got out and went to their partners, Namjoon, Yuchan, and Dognhun came with no partners so they just sat on the hood of Namjoon's car and watched the racers go by every once in a while. They watched as people got angry at losing their money, ruining their cars. Donghun tittered at a few of them who were being over the top. 

"Who do you guys think is going to win?" Yuchan asked.

"Shadow, If we were betting I would be placing my money on him," Namjoon replied.

"Really? I think Monkey, have you seen his car?" Donghun said making conversation.

"Oh yeah, he got his car upgraded, didn't he?" Jaebum joined in, his arm wrapped around Youngjae's shoulder.

"Yeah, he did. He came to my dad's shop and I helped upgrade it," Sehyoon butted in, Byeongkwan wrapped up in his arms.

"That's hot, you work on cars. I didn't know that" Byeongkwan said, looking up at Sehyoon.

"Is it? Why do you think that?"

"It means you're good with your hands," Byeongkwan teased and joked. Sehyoon dipped his head back, laughing.

"You should know that by now."

"You guys are gross," Donghun said, laughing and lighting up a cigarette.

"You're just mad you can't commit to a serious relationship," Sehyoon joked, sticking his tongue out playfully.

"Ooo, ouch," Donghun acted like he was hurt by the comment.

"Why don't you just date one of the people you've already slept with," Yuchan asked, Donghun shook his head.

"Nah, I already have my eye on someone," everyone looked at Donghun in surprise. 

"Who?!" They all asked at the same time.

"Park Junhee," he answered smirking.

"Don't hurt him, he's a sensitive person who is easily affected by everything," Youngjae said, feeling a little worried for his friend.

"Oh, I'm not looking for a relationship with him. I just want to sleep with him. Something about the way he holds himself in front of others versus me is interesting. He like puts up a wall and I just want to see him fall apart beneath me," Byeongkwan and Youngjae sighed and shook their heads.

"He won't ever allow you to sleep with him, he says he doesn't like guys and he wants to wait until he's married. Please respect that," Byeongkwan said, his eyebrows furrowed in a sad manner.

"I'll only sleep with him if he allows me, don't worry too much. I'm not going to get him drunk or high or something just to take advantage of him. I'm not like that, well, not entirely. I sleep with people who are drunk or high, some times even both but I wouldn't do that to Junhee."

"What makes him so different from the rest?" Byeongkwan asked, starting to get defensive.

"I know him personally, all those people I had never met before."

"God, I hope you used a condom each time. I hope you didn't catch an STI or something."

"I always use protection. I don't have an STI but thanks for thinking of me."

"Okay, just please be nice to Junhee."

 -

 

Namjoon and the rest of them drove back to Donghun's place and had decided to crash there for a bit. 

Donghun and the rest all shuffled into the house quietly knowing Jieun would get mad at them for being so loud. They all walked to Donghun's room and piled up on the bed somehow fitting everyone. With a lot of moving around and angry whispers, they all got comfortable and fell asleep.

 -

 

Donghun woke up with Jaebum on top of him, Sehyoon and Namjoon cuddling him, and Yuchan laying across their feet. One on each side. What the fuck? Donghun pushed Jaebum off him onto Namjoon who ended up falling on the floor then hit Sehyoon's thigh hard to wake him up and accidentally kicked Yuchan's head when getting out of bed. He got out of bed and lazily walked to the balcony that was connected to his room and lit a cigarette. He sat on his chair puffy faced and barely awake smoking a cigarette like he normally does. Everybody tells him he should stop and that he's going to die early and he simply shrugs and says We're all going to die anyway". When he first started it was just to piss off his parents, but it soon turned into an addiction that made his life hard to live. Once he finished he put the cigarette out in the ashtray.  He opened the balcony door and headed in, Sehyoon scrunched his face in disgust. "You need to stop smoking, it smells so fucking bad, Jesus. I seriously want to wash you myself and handwash your clothes myself."

"It's not that bad."

"Dude, it's so bad. Sehyoon's right," Namjoon said joining in. Donghun pointed to Jaebum.

"He smokes too! Why don't you guys give him shit too?"

"Cause at least he's trying to quit," Yuchan said. Donghun rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom to change. He soon came out all showered and changed. They all went to Namjoon's car and drove to school, they hopped out and headed into the school.

When they walked in a girl immediately clung to his arm. He looked down and was met with wide dark brown eyes of a short obviously bleached blonde girl. "Hi, Donghun," she giggled.

"Hi, who are you?" She stopped clinging to him and frowned crossing her arms.

"What do you mean "who are you?"?! I'm Yoona, we've slept together!"

"Sorry. Don't remember. You can go now." He shoo'd her away and kept walking to his locker. As he turned the corner man ran into him, when the man looked up he smirked realizing it was Junhee. "You gotta stop running into me, baby boy. Or else I'm going to start thinking you like me or something," Junhee rolled his eyes.

"Well, I don't like you, not at all. You're my least favourite being on this planet," Junhee glared.

"Hate me more than the devil, church boy?" Donghun smiled cockily.

"T-that's none of your b-business," Junhee stuttered.

"Yeah, okay. I'll have you begging for me soon enough. Just wait. Get to class, wouldn't want your parents to throw you in the closet or something cause you disobeyed them," Junhee started at him in shock for a second. How did he know how his parents were? What the heck? When he finally gained his voice back he said,

"I won't be begging for you, Donghun. Stop thinking so highly of yourself."

"We'll see." Donghun ended and walked off purposely bumping into Junhee on his way.

He stood at the back with his friends and Namjoon whispered to him. "You like Junhee, don't you?" Donghun looked at him and scoffed.

"Nah."

"Then why do you act like that around him? It really seems like you like him."

"He's fun to tease. Plus, I've never been with a church boy before. So that'd be fun and new."

"He seems extremely fragile and clingly. You sure you want that?"

"Eh, happens all the time. I just tell them to fuck off-"

"Lee Donghun, have something you want to share with the class?" The gym teacher Mr. Shin asked.

"Nope, nothing really."

"50 push ups for swearing. Don't think I didn't hear you. I heard every word of your conversation with Kimmie. Joon, do 40 for talking when I am talking," they both dropped to the floor and started to do push ups. "I want to hear you counting!" Mr. Shin shouted to them. 

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven," the class went on with their game as Namjoon and Donghun did their push ups and counted aloud as Mr. Shin watched them. Junhee stood in the corner staring and glaring at them. When they finished he stomped his way over to Donghun and pointed a finger in his face.

"I am NEVER sleeping with you, okay? So stop trying," he said firmly. Donghun grabbed his finger and put Junhee's hand back to his side.

"Honey, nobody said I wanted to sleep with you. All I said was I'll have you begging for me."

"You also said you'd never been with a church boy and that it would be fun and new. I will never get into bed with you. I'm not gay, I don't like guys, I don't like dick, I like girls."

"Hmm, what do you like about girls?"

"Everything."

"Even tits?" Junhee cringed slightly then nodded firmly. "Use your words."

"Yes."

"Yes? Yes, what?"

"You know what I said yes to, asshole."

"Jesus, what happened to you? At the party, you were so chill and almost clung to Donghun the whole party."

"Shut it Yuchan, you're not in this," Junhee snapped, Hoseok came running over and apologized.

"I'm sorry," He said pulling Junhee who looked confused away. Yuchan turned to Donghun.

"Still want that?"

"Hmm, yeah. He'd look hot in bed," Namjoon shook his head.

"Why can't you just go for someone who wants you?"

"Cause I like a challenge."

"It's called harassment, tone it down a bit."

"Will do chief."

Chapter Text

Donghun walked up to Junhee and tapped his shoulder. Junhee turned around frowned seeing Donghun. Donghun rolled his eyes, letting out a soft scoff. "Wow, don't look so happy to see me. I might start to think you like me," it was Junhee's turn to roll his eyes.

"What do you want now?" Donghun grabbed the bottom of the sleeves on Junhee's long sleeved shirt pulling him a little closer while pouting.

"I want you to go to another party with me tonight."

"A-are you pouting?" Junhee asked.

"I'm picking you up at 8 tonight."

"I'm not going."

"Yes, you will. I know you will."

"You already said you were going to take me to something that's not a party on Friday."

"So, you're coming?"

"No. And would you let go of my sleeves? People are going to get the wrong idea."

"Hmm, they might. But maybe I want them to," Donghun said making Junhee cringe and pull his hands away. "See you tonight at 8."

"I'm not going, I almost got caught last time."

"We won't be out till the early morning this time. Be there by 8 or I'm knocking on your door asking for you and telling your parents I'm going to fuck your brains out."

"Do it. I'm not afraid of you," Junhee said crossing his arms. Donghun took a step closer.

"You may not be afraid of me, but you're afraid of your dad." Donghun walked away leaving Junhee speechless. Something about that sentence was like a slap in the face. He turned back around and saw his friends. Byeongkwan had ice cream with a cone, he licked it then said.

 

"What was that about? Like all of it," Hoseok asked.

"He just wants to bring me to another party tonight and I told him I'm not going because I almost got caught last time."

"What about the whole fucking your brains out?" Hoseok asked again, Byeongkwan and Youngjae just shared a disappointed look.

"It was just him being an ass. He just says it so I'll go. But let's just go for lunch." 

-

 

Junhee grabbed his tray of food and walked towards where his friends were sitting. He sat down next to them and they kept throwing questions at him. "You're going with Donghun tonight, right? And tomorrow night?" Hoseok asked. Junhee shook his head.

"No, I almost got caught last time. I'm also not allowed to be around him."

"Okay and? You guys were practically holding hands earlier," Youngjae said.

"He was just holding my sleeves."

"Your hands sure wanted to hold his though, we saw your fingers wiggling to his hand," Byeongkwan pointed out, finishing up his ice cream so he could eat his lunch.

"I don't like Donghun."

"We never said you did," Byeongkwan said.

"You implied it," Junhee said.

"You should go out. It'll be good for you, your parents always keep you cooped up in your house you should get out more," Youngjae told him. Junhee shook his head.

"You guys know what'll happen if I get caught."

"You can live with me," Hoseok said. Junhee sighed deeply.

"Hoseok, you know I can't do that."

"You do what your parents do to you when you "disobey" them is abuse right?" Hoseok asked.

"Yes, but there's nothing I can do about it."

"Junhee, you're almost 18. Your parents need to let go a bit and let you do what you want to do. You shouldn't fear for your life when you're with your parents, you should feel safe and calm with them."

"I know, Hoseok. But like I said, I can't do anything yet."

"If you go out with Donghun and get caught I'll cover for you," Youngjae said his mouth stuffed with rice.

"Oh! You could just stay at one of our places from tonight to Sunday morning," Byeongkwan said.

"What what do I say it's for?"

"School project, or just sleeping over," Byeongkwan shrugged.

"I can ask if I can stay at one of your guy's place all weekend if that's okay with you guys."

"Yeah, of course! We can all stay at mine," Youngjae said excitedly.

"What about your parents?" Byeongkwan asked Youngjae.

"Dad's not home for two days. He's on a vacation. Mom is still home but will be gone tonight and tomorrow for work."

"Then it's settled. Junhee asks his parents to spend the whole weekend at Youngjaes and then Junhee talks to Donghun about picking him up at Youngjaes house!" Hoseok smiled and clapped once. Junhee pulled out his phone and phoned his mom. It rang a couple times before she picked up.

"Hey, mom."

"Hello."

"Can I spend the rest of the weekend at Youngjaes?"

"Junhee, I don't know."

"I'm almost 18. What are you going to do when I move out?"

"You're right. Yes, you can, see you Sunday morning?"

"Well, I have to grab some clothes and stuff, so I'll see you after school," Junhee hung up. "She said I can go."

"Great. Now go talk to Donghun," Youngjae said. Junhee looked at Donghun's table and made a face. "Junhee, go," Junhee got up from his seat and went to Donghun's table.

Donghun looked to his side and saw Junhee. He smirked and leaned his chin on the palm of his hand. "What is it, baby?"

"I'm going to Youngjae's house for the rest of the weekend. I'll be there from tonight until Sunday morning."

"Okay, I'll pick you up at Youngjae's house. Be ready by 8," he winked and Junhee walked away feeling guilty he was going behind his parent's back.

 -

 

Junhee looked at the time on his phone. 7:55 pm, Junhee sighed and looked in the mirror. He walked out of the bathroom and went to Youngjae's bedroom. "Junhee, you look good. Stop worrying so much," Hoseok said.

"You know Donghun looks at you with pure heart eyes right?" Byeongkwan asked. 

"No, he doesn't," Junhee scoffed.

"Oh but he does," Byeongkwan teased. Junhee felt his cheeks heat up slightly. "Oh, what's this? Is Park Junhee blushing cause of Lee Donghun?"

"Shut up. No, I'm not," he grabbed the object closest to him and threw it at his friends. They laughed while they covered their faces from it. Youngjae looked outside his window and saw Donghun's car.

"He's here. Go, go, child," Youngjae said pushing him out of his house. Junhee walked to Donghun's car and hopped in.

"Look who decided to come when he said he wasn't going to," Donghun grinned and Junhee glared at him.

"Shut up, my friends forced me."

"Good friends. They know what's best."

"No, they're annoying little shits."

"Still know what's best for you." 

"Where are we going?"

"A bar."

"A BAR?! DONGHUN I'M UNDERAGE I CAN'T GO TO A BAR!" Junhee freaked out.

"Relax, I know a guy who made you a fake ID. Besides, you're almost 18, it's not that illegal."

"You're crazy, you know that? You're absolutely crazy."

"Shut it before I kiss you."

"You wouldn't," Donghun removed one hand from the steering wheel and grabbed Junhee's face and kissed him quickly right on the corner of his mouth and went back to driving. 

"Hey! Donghun, don't!" Junhee gasped.

"Well, then be quiet, I won't hesitate to kiss you." The rest of the ride was fairly quiet. Donghun rested his hand on the inside of Junhee's thigh. "This is okay, right?" He asked.

"Not really," Junhee confessed, moving around a little--feeling uncomfortable. Donghun nodded and removed his hand. Junhee thought back to Donghun's threat. He shivered. Donghun gave him a weird look but didn't say anything.

-

"Hey, Junhee are you okay? You seem out if it."

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Are we almost there?"

"Yeah. It's right around the corner," Donghun kept driving and then parked in front of the bar. He pulled a card out of his wallet and gave it to Junhee. "This is your ID. They're going to ID you before entry and if you get an alcoholic drink. Don't lose it," They got out and walked towards the door where they were told to show their ID's. "Let's go, Junhee," Donghun said grabbing Junhee's hand dragging him in.

Chapter Text

Donghun and Junhee sat down at a booth in the VIP section. Junhee ordered a water and Donghun ordered a beer. The waitress came back to them with their drinks and Junhee looked at Donghun disapprovingly. "Why are you drinking alcohol? Aren't you driving?"

"You have your license, right?" Donghun asked taking a sip of his beer.

"Yeah."

"Then you can drive if I get drunk," Junhee rolled his eyes.

"Why do you keep forcing me to go to these parties and what not?"

"You've been to one party, one bar, and tomorrow you're going somewhere with me tomorrow as well. Plus, I'm not forcing you. All I say is be ready cause I'll be picking you up and you come."

"You tell me if I don't come you'll come into my house and tell my parents you're going to screw my brains out. You've said that more than once,"

"You got me there," Donghun tittered in defeat. Junhee took a sip of his water.

"You still didn't answer my question. Why do you keep taking me to these things?"

"Because you're cute. I can't show up with someone ugly, I have a reputation to keep."

"Because I'm cute? What? That doesn't even make sense."

"It means I treat you as an accessory when we're out together. Like how rich women show off their most expensive three of a kind purse."

"Wha-"

"Listen, I want to get into your pants but you're making it hard cause you say you're a het but I see how much I affect you, I see how much it affects you when I get close, I can see how much it affects you when I put my hand on your thigh and rub it. I can see how hard it is for you when I do those things. Dispite you completely panicking and freaking out when I do those. Also, no completely straight dude says they're straight as much as you do or panics like you when a hand of another man is on their thigh."

"Why don't you go for someone who's actually interested in you," Junhee said venom dripping from his voice. Donghun's eyes got dark.

“Junhee, you're not exactly an expert at not showing how much the tiniest things I do affect you. Look me in the eye and tell me you genuinely hate me, that you never want to see me again, you have a terrible time when you're with me. Tell me every single thing I dread to hear from you. Tell me that you feel nothing when I get close when I put my hand on your thigh when I hold your hand. Tell me Park Junhee, tell me everything I don't want to hear and I'll leave you alone. No more parties, no more hitting on you, no more anything, my plan for us tomorrow will be cancelled." Donghun growled. Junhee gulped and leaned in close.

“Lee Donghun, I hate you. I hate you with every fibre of my soul, you drive me absolutely crazy. When you're near my anxiety acts up and suddenly I can't breathe in fear my parents will see us. You are the worst thing to ever happen to me, I hate when you're close to me. I hate when you put your hand on my thigh, I hate it when you hold my hand, I hate it when you wink or smirk. I hate it so much cause I don't understand why I feel this way. I hate it when you call me baby. I hate the way my name perfectly rolls off your tongue and comes out sounding angelic when you are the living embodiment of the devil himself.”

“What way?” Donghun asked.

“What?”

“What way do you feel?” Donghun asked again. Junhee stayed silent. Donghun sighed. “Does your stomach feel like it's full of butterflies? Do you lose your breath? Does your heart pound so hard you swear everyone around you can hear it? Tell me."

“No. I feel like I'm going to puke, my anxiety creeps up on me, my heart pounds in fear my parents are going to find out I'm anywhere near you. I told you Lee Donghun, I. Hate. You,” Junhee lied through his teeth and stood up.

“Fine. But don't come back to me to apologize or confess or whatever. 'Cause I don't want to hear it Park Junhee."

“Believe me. I won't.” Junhee walked out and then realized he has no ride back. Junhee hung his head low and headed back in where Donghun was. Junhee sat across from Donghun who already had a girl on his lap. “Really? I wasn't even gone for 5 minutes,” Donghun shrugged.

“My charms work fast. What can I say."

“What charms?” Junhee scoffed crossing his arms. Donghun unwrapped his arms from the girl and sent her off.

“What do you want? You left because you hate me and now you're back."

“I realized I have no ride back,” Junhee mumbled.

“Well, that sounds like a you problem.”

“Donghun, please. Let me use your phone to call my friends. Mines dead."

“No."

“What? Why?”

“Need I remind you, Park Junhee? You hate me, why should I help you. Fend for yourself."

“Donghun please, just give me your phone to phone Hoseok."

“You know, when I said I'd have you begging for me this isn't what I imagined."

“Fuck you then. I'll just use the bar phone."

“This bar doesn't have a phone."

“What kind of bar doesn't have a phone?”

“This one,” Junhee huffed.

“Then I guess I'll ask someone here."

“Go ahead. I don't care, I won’t save you if something happens."

“Fine. I don't need your help,” Junhee got up and strode over to a man sitting on a bar stool. He tapped the man's shoulder and he turned around.

“Can I help you?” The man asked.

“Can I use your phone to phone my friend?”

“It'll cost you a favour though."

“Fine. What is the favour?”

“Go to the bathroom and be on your knees. I'll meet you there-”

“Junhee, just use my phone. Don't go to the bathroom by the way,” Donghun said handing him his phone. Junhee looked at him strangely then phoned Hoseok.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Junhee. Pick me up please."

“What happened?” Junhee glanced at Donghun.

“I'll tell you guys later."

“Okay. Where are you guys?” Junhee looked at Donghun.

“What's this place called?”

“It doesn't have an address or name. It's a like low-key place, mostly cause a lot of illegal shit happens here. Just tell him you'll meet him at the 7/11 on 53rd street."

“Just meet me at the 7/11 on 53rd,” Hoseok said okay then hung up. Junhee handed the phone back to Donghun. “Thanks."

“Whatever. Let's just get you to that 7/11." Donghun mumbled dragging Junhee out of the place.

As they walked on to the 7/11 property ‘Real Love’ by Astro started playing on the loudspeaker. Junhee tittered shaking his head smiling softly. “What?” Donghun asked.

“I feel like I'm in a drama and the episode is ending,” Junhee said as the sat on the curb beside the door to the 7/11.

“Why?” Junhee pointed up to the loudspeakers.

“The song. I feel like things are going to freeze and then flower petals will come out of nowhere and blow in front of us,”

“I guess you're right. Should we kiss to end the episode well?” Donghun joked laughing lightly. Junhee rolled his eyes.

“Who’d even watch our drama?”

“I would."

“It’d be boring."

“I don't think so, do you think the love story will work out?”

“Hmm, I don't," Junhee said.

“And why not?” Donghun asked.

“A homosexual drama in Korea is odd, don't you think? Besides, the one main character is bi while the other doesn't truly know anything anymore."

“Maybe it'll work out,” Donghun said as Hoseok pulled up and got out. Junhee and Donghun stopped leaning on each other and Junhee got up and went to Hoseok’s car. Before he got in he turned to Donghun and sighed. “Thank you," Junhee said getting in. Why are we like this? I told him I hate him and he said he wouldn't help me but he did and we just talked about us being in a drama Junhee thought to himself as Hoseok got in a drove away.

“So uh, what happened?” Hoseok asked.

“We had a fallout."

“A fallout? It didn't look like it."

“We somehow got past the things I said and then that happened. Let's just go to Youngjae’s.” Junhee told Hoseok. The rest of the ride was just Junhee telling Hoseok everything he said and everything Donghun said. Everything from entering the bar to sitting at 7/11 listening to Astro on the loudspeaker.

Chapter Text

"Junhee, wake up, quickly. Your mom's here, she found out you went out with Donghun and she's angry. Hoseok and Byeongkwan are downstairs right now convincing her you were with us the entire time. If she asks what we did last night, we watched movies, played video games and ate snacks. If she asks what movies tell we watched Disney and Pixler movies. If she asks what video games; we played Overwatch, okay?" Youngjae said panicked and worried for his friend's life at home. Junhee's eyes widened, he quickly got up and out of bed and casually walked out of Youngjae's room and to the living room. His stomach flipped and he felt his throat get tight. He took a deep breath.

"Hey mom, what are you doing here?" His mom looked up at him from his friends, angry.  

"Give me your phone," Mrs. Park said sternly standing up from the couch.

"Wait, why?"

"You know why. You know that boy is bad news and you still hung out with him," Junhee gulped. Here goes nothing.

"I was here all night."

"Oh yeah? What did you guys do?" Mrs. Park raised an eyebrow crossing her arms.

"We stayed here and watched movies, played video games, and ate snacks."

"What movies?"

"Disney and Pixler."

"Which ones?"

"Toy Story one, two, and three, and Peter Pan," Mrs. Park glared at Junhee and looked over to his friends.

"Is this true?"

"Yes," Youngjae said.

"I don't believe you but I'll let it slide and not tell your father cause we both know how bad that would go. You better be thankful," Mrs. Park turned around and left Youngjae's house. Junhee felt his knees give out as his mom left the house. He held onto the couch for support and let out a huge breath. 

"I'm so lucky I'm not dead," Junhee said looking at his friends. They all nodded in agreement.

"Why don't you move out? Or call the police? They're abusing you and your sisters, Junhee," Hoseok asked.

"It's not that easy. They're still my parents, it's hard," Junhee replied feeling defeated cause Hoseok's right and he can't do anything about it. There was a knock on the door, all of the boys head turned towards the door. Younjae strode over to the door opening it up a tiny bit seeing who it was. When he saw who it was, he opened up the door all the way.

"Oh. Donghun," Junhee said his voice laced with confusion as he blinked slowly.

"Came to remind you what I had planned today is cancelled," Donghun said coldly. Youngjae looked at the two confused.

"Why? What happened?" Youngiae asked.

"Ask your friend here what happened. I'm leaving," Donghun walked back to his car and sped off. Youngjae closed the door with a sigh before turning to Junhee.

"What happened?"

"I said something."

"What did you say?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Junhee walked away to the stairs. Hoseok ran in front of him stopping him from going up the stairs.

"Junhee, just tell them what happened," Hoseok whispered. Junhee sighed and turned around sitting on the couch. Byeongkwan, Youngjae, and Hoseok sat down next to Junhee as Junhee told them everything that happened last night.

 -

"That was an asshole thing to say. You're not an accessory, you're a fucking human being, with feelings and a life," Byeongkwan raged he was angry at Donghun for treating Junhee like that. Especially after he said he wouldn't. Junhee sat and just listened to his friend's anger before continuing on with the story. 

"There's more, guys," Hoseok said trying to shut up Youngjae and Byeongkwan. 

"There's more?!" Byeongkwan asked loudly. Junhee and Hoseok nodded. Junhee told them about him walking out after their argument to them sitting on the curb at 7/11. "It seemed like he got over it at 7/11, I wonder what changed," Byeongkwan said cocking his head. Junhee shrugged.

"I don't even know why I'm upset about all this. I shouldn't care," Junhee got up and walked to the kitchen.

"Just give him until Monday. You guys share all the same classes Mondays," Youngjae told his friend. Junhee rolled his eyes as he poured himself a bowl of cereal.

 -

 

Sunday morning came quickly. Faster than what Junhee would have liked. Junhee sat between his mom and dad, a sister beside his dad and his other sister beside his mom. The reverent stepped up to the stage with the Bible in his one hand. "Today, we have a new joiner. His name is Minhyuk, he has joined us so he could live his life without sin. But not just any kind of sin, the sin of homosexuality. He is here to be converted," Reverent Adam preached.

"We can help you!" Someone from the front of the row yelled, people, cheering right after. He looked at his dad and saw he had a stone cold look on his face.

"Homosexuality is disgusting. I hope he finds his way back to god so he can be normal and live without sin," his mother said shaking her head. The priest continued talking but he wasn't listening, he stared at Minhyuk and all he could think about what his friends said in the ice cream shop. He thought about the feelings he felt when Donghun was near, when he put his hand on his inner thigh and rubbed it, he thought about the time Donghun almost stole his first kiss, the way his name sounds smooth like silk when Donghun says it, he thinks of everything. Donghun won't leave his mind and he doesn't know why.

"Today we are going to end this fine morning with a verse in the Bible about homosexuality and then a prayer! “God created man in his own image; in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.’" the priest stopped for a second for dramatic effect before continuing.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Those were Genesis1:27-28 and Genesis 2:24. Now everybody please bow your heads as we pray. Hey lord, it's me, your good ol' pal, Sangjoon. I just wanted to ask you to help our new friend Minhyuk here find his was to you. Help everybody here who is weak or needs you right now. Even the ones who don't need you, be there for them. I pray everybody gets home safely this morning. Amen," everybody said amen and got up from the benches saying goodbye to everybody before leaving. Junhee stood up and went to walk out when the vocal coach for the church reached out to him.

"Junhee! Nice to see you! How come you weren't at practice last week?" Hyoyeon asked sweetly.

"Hyoyeon! Hello, nice to see you too! Sorry, I wasn't at practice, I got a common cold, it's gone now so I will be back this week," Junhee smiled at her.

"Oh yes, there is a charity event in two weeks on Thursday! We're donating everything we get to the Children's Foundation. We really could use your help."

"I'll be there, bye bye," Junhee waved to her as he left the building. Donghun was there, right across the street smoking a cigarette in his car. They made eye contact but Donghun's eyes were dark and cold making Junhee shiver. He walked to his father's car climbing in.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Mr. Park growled getting in his car and starting it. Junhee sighed leaning his head against the window staring at Donghun. Sooyoung sat beside Junhee and rolled her eyes, scoffing.

"Why are you staring at Lee Donghun?" Sooyoung asked loudly. 

"I'm not?" Junhee said but it sounded more like a question. Mr. Park looked in the rear view mirror at Junhee. Junhee shivered and continued to looked out the window. 

"Don't look out the window," Mr. Park said. 

"Am I forbidden to look out windows now?" Junhee asked huffing.

"Your attitude has been really shitting lately. When we get home, hand over your phone," Mrs. Park told Junhee sternly. 

"Yes, mom, sorry mom," Junhee whispered softly. 

Bitna looked at and Sooyoung who was grinning and scoffed; mumbling a quiet, "It's not like you're a saint either." Mr. And Mrs. Park gossiped about people at the church on the ride home. 

 -

Junhee gave his phone to his mom as soon as they stepped into the house. "I'm going to change," he said heading straight to his room and changed his clothes. He lied down on his bed, running his hands through his hair humming a new song he heard at Church. He thought about Thursday night, wondering where Donghun would've taken him on Friday if he hadn't said those things. His thoughts were cut short by a knock on his door. "Come in," he said, bored. Bitna came in, closing the door behind her.

"Hey," she said sitting on the edge of the bed. Junhee looked at his older sister.

"Hey."

"C'mon, talk to me," Bitna said looking at Junhee. Junhee scoffed lightly.

"About what?"

"I don't know. Anything. Talk to me about things you can't talk about with mom, dad, or Sooyoung. Like we used to," Junhee sighed sitting up.

"I have been hanging out with Donghun lately," Bitna blinks.

"He took me to a party and a bar. He calls me baby and baby boy and I don't hate it. He puts his hand on my thigh while driving and I like it. I've told him I don't like it, I even push his hand off but I really like it. Bitna, is there something wrong with me?" Junhee askes, tears welling in his eyes. Bitna smiles and pulls him in for a hug.

"Nothing is wrong with you, anything else?"

"Bitna, I shouldn't even be around him but I can't stop thinking about him," Bitna rubbed his back.

"It's okay."

"He's so handsome Bina, I thought I knew everything about me but ever since we started to hang out I feel so confused and frustrated with myself. I'm supposed to like girls, not boys."

"You're not "supposed" to like anything, Junhee... If you like boys that's okay and I will always love you and support you. If it turns out you like girls but like Donghun and only Donghun that's also okay. There is nothing wrong with you, I promise," Bitna soothed him by stroking his hair.

"Please don't tell anyone," Junhee begged. Bitna pulled away.

"Never. Whatever you tell me during our talks stays between you and I," Junhee nodded and sniffled. They hugged for a little while longer then Mr. Park came storming into Junhee's room pulling him down the stairs by his hair. Junhee screamed as his father tugged on it harder. They got down to the living room and his father tossed him to the carpet. 

"You were out with Lee Donghun on Thursday?!" Mr. Park roared. Junhee shook his head choking back tears. Mr. Park slapped him across the face, "Don't lie!" He grabbed Junhee's hair and dragged him to the basement. Junhee's eyes widened and he started hitting his fathers hands trying to get him to stop. Mr. Park stopped and pulled Junhee up to his feet still tugging at his hair. He shoved Junhee into a wall letting go of his hair. Junhee's head hit the wall with a large thud, he looked to his left and everything was blurry, he looked to his right and it was fine, he looked forward and his father was close to his face, fuming. "Did you just hit me?" He growled. 

"I-I'm sorry, father," Junhee cried. 

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about," Junhee nodded and tried suppressing his tears and loud sobs. "You go against my rules and lie to me? You disgust me. You are a disgrace to our family, a complete embarrassment," Mr. Park yelled in Junhee's face. Junhee felt light headed and his eyes started to close. Mr. Park slammed his hands on the wall. "Don't fucking close your eyes on me," Junhee's couldn't help his eyes closing. Mr. Park punched Junhee in the face knocking him out. "Stupid, no good child," he grabbed Junhee and dragged him to the basement and waited for him to wake up.

 -

When Junhee woke up he was greeted with darkness. Mr. Park got up and walked out to him. "Get on the frozen peas on your knees and pray. Pray until your mom or I come and get you," Junhee nodded and shuffled over to the frozen peas on the floor and kneeled, praying.

Please make me normal, I don't want to like Lee Donghun. I want to be like everyone else in this family. Please make me straight, I don't want to like him--please. I just want to be normal, I don't want to like the pet names, the winks, the smirks, i don't want to like the short time his hand is on my thigh. Please God. I'm begging you.

 -

Junhee doesn't know how much time has gone by. But he's guessing by the sunsetting and his knees bruising and his thighs trembling it's been a few hours. His hands are folded together in front of his bowed head as he heard the basement door open and someone come down. "Get up and get in the closet," he heard his mother say. He stood up, hissing in pain as his knees shot pain throughout his entire body making him fall to the ground. "If you're not up here in 10 seconds I'm locking you down here for the night," he stood up again, catching himself on the wall; he climbed up the stairs holding onto the railing nearly crying at the pain.

Junhee followed his mother to his room and went in the small closet like she told him to. "Stay in here until I come and let you out," Mrs. Park said closing the door and walking away. Junhee quietly sobbed as he massaged his knees. 

Chapter Text

Junhee wasn't allowed to leave his room for two days, only for the washroom. He missed Monday and Tuesday of school and was finally allowed out of his room Wednesday. His knees were still sore and badly bruised, he had a black eye, and he thinks he has a concussion. He has a constant raging headache and when he looks left it's all blurry, and for the last two days he's been vomiting nonstop. He was still forced to go to school, his mother drove him to the school and watched him enter then drove off.

Junhee stood at his locker when his friends came up to him and greeted him happily. "Junhee! Where were yo- oh," Hoseok's smile dropped when he saw Junhee's eye. "Your mom told your dad, didn't she?" Hoseok asked in a small voice. Junhee nodded grabbing his books and pencil case then shut his locker. They all walked into class sitting close to one another, Junhee plopped down in his seat and groaned leaning his head on his hands.

"Do one of you guys have an Advil or something?" Junhee asked clutching his head. Youngjae got up and patted his back.

"I have some in my bag, do you need some water too?" Junhee nodded. Youngjae went to his locker and grabbed two Advils and his water bottle. He entered the classroom giving the tablets and water to Junhee. He took them and downed the tablets then gave Younjae his water bottle back. 

 -

Junhee had two classes left for the morning and they both were PE. He had double PE classes with Donghun. To say he was dreading it is an understatement, he was so nervous, he didn't know if Donghun would talk to him or ignore him. His head was pounding too, he didn't really feel like running and jumping around for over an hour. But Junhee still got changed for gym. Normally he just changed right where he was with the rest of the boys. But he had some bruises on his torso and back so he changed in a stall. On his way out he bumped into a shirtless Sehyoon, he apologized and made his way to the exit only to be pulled back. "Talk with Donghun, please," Sehyoon pleaded. 

Junhee rolled his eyes. "I've got nothing to say to him," Sehyoon rubbed his face.

"Just apologize or something. I've never seen him drink so much in my life. He's sleeping with anything that walks on two legs. What the fuck did you say or do to him for him to be acting like this? He's not even eating, Junhee," Junhee furrowed his eyebrows he's doing all of that all because I said I hate him? 

"If he's upset I hate him then that's his problem. It's not my fault he's drinking, not eating, and sleeping with everyone, he made those decisions by himself," Junhee turned on his heels and left. 

He entered the gym and saw Donghun leaning against the wall flirting with the foreign exchange student; Jordan. She didn't react to Donghun flirting, she walked away not wanting to be bothered anymore. Jordan was very beautiful, she wasn't Junhee's type, but he was able to admit she was breathtaking. Junhee stood by the stage in the gym and looked at Jordan, if I liked girls I'd have a crush on her- wait, what? No, I like girls. I have to Junhee silently panicked and speed-walked out of the gym careful not to disturb his headache even more. He got some water from the fountain then went back to the gym.

"Junhee, you're late. 25 burpees," their gym teacher said marking Junhee down as late.

"I was just getting some wat-"

"Make that 30 burpees," Mr. Shin sighed. Junhee sighed and started doing the burpees. His head started to pound even harder on the first one, getting worse and worse.

"Coach, he really was just here. Just as he left for water you walked in," Taehyung told Mr. Shin, defending Junhee. Mr. Shin raised an eyebrow.

"Do you want to join him in 30 burpees, Mr. Kim?" Mr. Shin asked. Taehyung stood over by Junhee and started the burpees. 

Junhee finished and leaned against the stage catching his breath, once he did that he went over to Mr. Shin, "I have a massive headache that I've had since Sunday. May I please go to the nurse's office?" Junhee asked politely, clutching his head. 

"Yeah, go," Junhee thanked him and left to the nurse's office. He opened the door and sat down on the bed waiting for the nurse. She soon came in and was startled by Junhee.

"Oh, Junhee. What are you doing here?"

"I think I have a concussion."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because last time I had a concussion this same thing happened to me."

"And what's happening to you?"

"I have a massive headache that won't go away, I've spent days puking my guts out and when I look to my left it's all blurry."

"Okay. You might be right. I'm not your family doctor so I can't give you prescription medication slip or send a note to a clinic to get your brain scanned. But I can tell you that you need rest and you need to see your family doctor, to see what's going on," Junhee sighed. 

"I can't, my family won't let me," Ms. Oh furrowed her eyebrows.

"Why not?"

"Because we have no time for doctors," Junhee lied. 

"What happened to your eye?"

"My sister and I were roughhousing. Thanks anyway," Junhee stood up and walked out back to the gym. He grimaced when he saw they were starting basketball. Normally he likes basketball but all those balls bouncing around and his headache... Well, he isn't looking forward to it. Junhee sighed as he saw Donghun flirting with Jordan again. He went over to them and Donghun frowned immediately. "Sorry to bother but Donghun can I talk with you?" Junhee asked.

"I'm talking with Jordan right now," Junhee turned to Jordan.

"Can I take him for a moment?" Junhee asked and he could see relief wash over her.

"Please do. I want him to leave me alone," Junhee thanked her and grabbed Donghun's hand dragging him to the changing room.

"What did you bring me in here to tell me?" Donghun asked, annoyed and cold.

"I want to say I'm sorry, what I said Thursday night was rude and unacceptable-"

"I don't care Junhee. I don't care about you, how you feel, how you look, I don't care about your friends or your shitty religious family, I don't care about anything related to you. Why'd you even bring me here? So you could give some half-ass, unapologetic apology? Don't make me think you care about me when you don't," Donghun glared at him and walked out pushing past him. Junhee felt a single tear fall down his face. 

Junhee skipped the rest of class saying the nurse said he needed to rest. Well, he wasn't lying, she did say he had to rest. He had gone to the cafeteria and studied for his bio test coming up. The bell rang soon enough, startling Junhee; he slightly jumped then sighed to himself realizing he got spooked by the bell.

His friends came and joined him at the table. "Junhee, you should go home. You look terrible," Byeongkwan told him. Junhee dismissed Byeongkwan with a wave of his hand and then laid his head down on his textbook.

 -

Weeks had passed and Junhee was still reseving glares from Donghun. They've lessened, he reseves a crestfallen look more than anything now. Donghun's birthday was coming up and it was the biggest party of the year, usually. Junhee and his friends have never been invited, of course. But everybody who has gotten to go won't shup up about it. It was in about a week and people were just getting invitations.

Junhee sighed and opened up his locker, a piece of thick paper fell out. He picked it up and read it then gasped and put it in his bag quickly. I got invited? Junhee thought to himself looking around for his friends. He shut his locker and went to class, he saw his friends sitting in their desks obviously excited about something. "I got invited to Donghun's party," Junhee whispered to them.

"Really? We did too!" Hoseok smiled widely. 

"Junhee, are you going to go?" Youngjae asked.

"I don't think so," Junhee shrugged. 

"Why not?" Byeongkwan asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I have a family dinner that night- ah, that reminds me. The church has a charity event later today so I will only be at school until lunch." 

"Good morning. Let's get started on today's class," Miss. Lee smiled brightly turning on the smartboard and logging into her computer. "Please work on modules 2 and 3 this week. If you're past those then great." The class opened up their binders taking out the booklets.

Chapter Text

Junhee had gone to the library to look for the book he was assigned in Korean class to do a book report on. He ran his index finger along the books looking for it, he stopped grabbing a book out reading the back seeing if it was the right one. He sighed putting it back, where the heck is that book? Junhee wondered furrowing his eyebrows. He looked to his side and saw Donghun looking at the 'Learn English' books. He shuffled over tapping his shoulder. "Donghun, can we talk?" Junhee asked just like he did two weeks ago.

"There's nothing to talk about. You hate me and I accept that," Donghun said turning around his back facing Junhee and started walking away. Junhee followed him.

"I want to apologize, I want to give you a sincere apology, Donghun, please," Junhee begged. Donghun turned down another aisle ignoring Junhee. Junhee let out a frustrated groan and pulled Donghun back, pinning him to the bookshelf. "Donghun, please," Junhee begged once more. Donghun's eyes were dark and icy, Junhee visibly shivered, causing Donghun to smirk for a split second.

"Fine. But only if I can ask you some things and you answer truthfully."

"Fine. But then I get to ask you some things and you answer them truthfully."

"Fine. You can let go of me now," Junhee let go of Donghun and moved back a bit so Donghun wasn't pressed against the shelf.

"Listen, Donghun," Junhee sighed.

"I'm listening," Donghun raised his newly pierced eyebrow.

"I'm sorry for what I said. I don't hate you as much as I made it out to be. I still think you're the devil himself but that's not the point. The devil was once an angel too, he was God's right-hand man but then he did something God didn't like so he sent him to hell to rule it-"

"What are you getting at?" Donghun furrowed his eyebrows.

"That wasn't supposed to be a part of my apology but it's just saying the devil wasn't always bad and I had compared you to the devil so- never mind. I'm sorry for what I said, I shouldn't have lied to you and told you I hate everything you do when that's not true. I don't mind it when you call me baby or baby boy, I don't mind it when you're driving and you put your hand on my thigh, I really don't, Donghun," Junhee paused, looking for any sign of emotion on Donghun's face or in his eyes. "But you're so confusing and frustrating, one moment you're clingy and lovey and the next you act cold and mean. But, you were right, about all the things I feel. I lied and turned it negative. Everything you do makes me feel tingly all over." Junhee finished.

"Okay. Now it's time I ask some questions. What happened to your eye and why did you go to the nurse?"

"I ran into the wall and ended up falling down my stairs after, causing me to get a concussion," Junhee lied, Donghun threw his hands up in the air.

"Fuck you, that's a fucking lie, Junhee. I thought we were going to be truthful with each other. Was everything you said in your apology a lie too? Huh? Goddamnit Junhee, I asked you because I already know what happened, I wanted to know if you were going to lie," Donghun whispered angrily. He shoved past Junhee and walked off, Junhee went after him, he grabbed his arm and Donghun shook it off. "Fuck off, Junhee. I don't want to see you anymore, you might think I have no feelings or lack them but guess what? I have them, they control my life and you doing this hurts, so just leave me the fuck alone!" Donghun yelled causing Junhee to flinch.

"Well, what do you want from me?!" Junhee yelled back.

"What do I want? I want the truth, I want to know how you actually feel because it's killing me, Park Junhee. I don't want you to say what you think I want to hear, I don't want you to say what your family wants you to say, I want you to say how you actually feel," Donghun replied, getting closer to Junhee. Junhee could feel Donghun's breath on his skin, he felt shivers go down his spine, he was so close, Junhee looked down at the ground.

"I don't know what I actually feel, Donghun. That's the problem, all those things I said in my apology were true. But some of the things I said at the bar were also true. I just don't understand my feelings, this is all very new to me, I want to punch you in the face sometimes and other times all I want to do is spend time with you. I just don't understand," Junhee whispered, stressed. He looked back up and met Donghun's sad eyes look even sadder, tears threatened to fall.

"Stop, please, just stop. Stop lying, I hate liars, I hate people who lie just so others feel better. I know you don't care about me, so just tell me-"

"Is it that hard to believe that I care for you? That I want to be your friend? Why can't you just accept what I'm saying?!" Junhee yelled.

"Because, Junhee, this isn't how it's supposed to go! You're supposed to hate me because that's what your family wants, you weren't supposed to want to be my friend. I was a complete asshole and I made your life hell at home. Your eye and concussion, that's my fault! I was the reason all that happened and you're the one apologizing like you did something wrong when it was me who-"

"Shut up, we were both in the wrong. I am not apologizing for what happened at home, I am apologizing for what I said at the bar. You were in the wrong about basically calling me an object, but you saved me from that man who wanted that favour before using his phone. You walked me to the Seven Eleven and stayed with me until you knew I was safe and with my friend. What happened at home was not your fault, okay? Neither of us are at fault, it's my mother and father's fault." Junhee lifted his hands and cupped Donghun's face, wiping away his tears with his thumbs.

"Show your emotions more often, because sometimes I forget you have some," Junhee joked, trying to lighten the mood. Donghun stiffened and gently swatted Junhee's hands away before wiping away his own tears roughly. He looked at Junhee with his cold and blank eyes once again before walking away. "This is exactly what I mean! Just five seconds ago you were crying and now you're being cold again! I'm just saying, showing emotions doesn't make you weak, it makes you fucking human, Donghun. It reminds people that you feel and you get sad, mad, disappointed, and even happy-" Donghun turned around and slammed Junhee against the wall.

"You don't know my circumstances, you don't know why I choose to be cold. You don't know anything about me so just shut up about all that bullshit. I have my problems and you have yours," Donghun spat out, Junhee rolled his eyes and pushed Donghun off of him walking out of the library. He went and changed then went to the charity event. 

 -

Junhee stepped up to the church in his nicely ironed clothes and his hair gelled. He saw Hyoyeon standing and chatting with someone, he walked up to them and greeted them happily, his smile quickly fading when he saw who she was talking to. She greeted Junhee happily back as he just stood and stared at the person smirking in front of him. "Junhee, I'm glad you made it! This is Lee Donghun," Junhee nodded and hesitantly greeted him. Donghun greeted Junhee as if he didn't know him. Junhee excused himself to the bathroom. He paced around the bathroom half panicking and half confused.

"Why don't you splash some water on your face whenever something doesn't go the way you thought it would," Donghun suggested, leaning against the wall blocking the door.

"Wow, you really pay attention to what I do, don't you? And I can't."

"I'm just observant. Also, how did you hide your black eye? It's like it's not even there," Donghun asked.

"That's the reason I can't. I'm wearing makeup, concealer does wonders."

"Why can't you just reapply it?"

"Because I didn't bring it with me--why are you even here? It was just like an hour ago we were yelling at each other- wait, scratch that. How did you even know I was here?"

"You're not exactly a quiet talker. And, I'm here because I can be," he gave sat on the counter, a cocky grin placed on his face.

"You would be here even if you weren't allowed here. You're here to bug me and make me look like an absolute fool."

"You're right. Also, how can you handle these people? I stood and talked with that chick for like ten minutes and I was starting to regret coming here. The whole time she talked about the new church member and how he is gay and he is finding god to help him. Do you know how much I wanted to laugh when she asked if I agreed that God will help him out of homosexuality? Like, she was talking to someone who is bisexual."

"It's easy to put up with them when your entire family, but one, are like that and you grew up around that stuff."

"But one? Who's not like that?"

"My older sister Bitna. She's atheist, she does what she wants and I envy that. I want to do that. I go to her when I have problems I can't talk to my other family members about. She's open-minded and accepting."

"We should get out of here," Donghun said hopping off the counter.

"What? We can't, I promised I'd help out. Well, if you want to go, you can."

"I meant out of the bathroom," Donghun tittered.

"Oh," Junhee's face started to heat up out of embarrassment.

"By the way. You look hot, your neck is so nice too. I want to mark it all up," Donghun teased, knowing he'd get a rise out of Junhee. Junhee turned around and hit Donghun's chest.

"Stop! We're in public and in a church."

"So I can say those things when we're in private and not in a church?" He joked.

"No," Junhee said walking to the kitchen to help set up.

"You'll change your mind someday," Junhee rolled his eyes and grabbed a box off the counter. He turned around.

"No I won't," Junhee he dragged out cutely.

"I can go on if you like. I would caress your body as I kissed your neck-"

"Nope! Leaving now! I'm going to go to Heaven I will not fall for you anymore, Lee Donghun," Junhee looked around as he interrupted Donghun to see if anyone was around them. Thankfully no one was in ears hearing at the moment. He started to move the box to the stand closest to them.

"You can only go to Heaven if you've been good most your life and like other stuff too I don't know much about Christianity. Plus, you have to wait to go to Heaven. But, find the right bad boy, he'll bring Heaven to you. And quite frankly, I am that bad boy that can bring you, Heaven," Junhee's face was flush. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Nope! I will marry a nice Christian woman and have nice God loving children and we will be a nice normal family," Junhee said, Donghun laughed loudly. He walked to the counter and grabbed a box to help. He walked past Junhee with a box, setting on the second closest stand. 

When he came back Junhee was setting the cups and cans from the box on the table nicely. Donghun went up to him, "I'll stop now."

"You're so confusing, y'know? You started out the day with hating me and ignoring me, then you yelled at me, then you cried in front of me, then got mad at me when I told you to show your feelings more, and now you're flirting with me. What's going on with you?" Junhee whined.

"You're confusing too, y'know!"

"How am I confusing? Ask me anything," Junhee crossed his arms. Donghun chuckled and uncrossed Junhee's arms, holding his hands. Junhee let him this time.

"Okay, Mr. Park Junhee, do you like me?"

"I'm sorry, next question."

"So you do like me."

"I never said that," Junhee replied, shaking his head slightly.

"You never said you didn't either," Donghun was grinning as he played with Junhee's hands in his own.

"I guess we'll never know."

"See, you're confusing."

"I'm sorry, man."

"Wow, did you just man me?" Donghun said letting go of one of Junhee's hands.

"Yeah, I did. What're you going to do about it?" Junhee stuck his tongue out at Donghun as he started to walk to the stairs. "We should go upstairs where all the other people are who are our age."

"You're driving me crazy, Junhee, absolutely crazy," he mumbled to himself, following Junhee up the stairs.

Junhee waved at a couple of church friends and motioned for Donghun to come along. "Hi, Jungkook!" Junhee greeted.

Jungkook greeted Junhee excitedly, he turned to Donghun to greet him too but stopped and stared his eyes wide. He quickly greeted then turned his attention to Junhee. "What's he doing here?" He asked, gesturing to Donghun.

"I don't know, I came here and he was here too. Donghun, why don't you tell us why you're here?" Junhee turned to Donghun, sending him a fake smile.

"I decided to come and help out so I can put another volunteeing job on my resume," Jungkook nodded.

"Uh huh, I see," he looked Donghun up and down. Junhee cleared his throat.

"Should we sit down?" Junhee asked gesturing to the chairs set out. 

"Sure," Jungkook said sitting down. "So, Donghun. Still greedy?"

"If you mean bi, yes, I am. You still begging mommy to stop whoring around?" Donghun asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Fuck you," Jungkook spat.

Junhee let out a sound of disbelief. "Both of you stop, there's no need for that."

"He's just bitchy because even after getting me drunk I wouldn't sleep with him," Donghun smirked, making things worse.

"Literally fuck off, I never wanted to sleep with you, fag."

"Ouch, never been called that before," Donghun's voice dripped of sarcasm. Junhee shook his head at the two.

"Okay, guys. Stop."

"I'm sorry, Jungkook. You're just not my type, bro," Donghun kept picking.

"Donghun, stop," Junhee looked at him sternly. Donghun looked at him cutely.

"Okay, baby. If that's what you want."

"Baby? What are you saying?" Junhee was flustered. Donghun laughed.

"You're so pretty when you're flustered, my baby," Donghun raised a hand to pet Junhee's hair. Junhee saw this and scooted his chair away from him. "Junhee," Donghun pouted. Jungkook made a sound of disgust.

"Junhee, are you gay?" 

"No, I'm straight, I like girls."

 -

Junhee had disappeared from Donghun's side after a while to go admit to his sins. He sat in the little box, feeling uncomfortable. "Father, there's something I have to admit to," no one was there during these events but it comforted him.

"I'm struggling right now. I-" Junhee paused, biting his lip. "I think I like a boy."

"I don't want to like him and everything he says and does but I do. I'm scared my family will find out. My parents are abusive and my father gave me a concussion because I went and hung out with this boy..."

"I just want to be normal and marry a women and have kids and raise them as good Christians. But, I can only see myself with him and I'm terrified. I pray to God every night to make me straight but it seems like he's not listening. I'm just becoming less and less attracted to girls and more attracted to him. I just want to kiss him but I'm so scared. Even just saying him makes me feel disgusted in myself, I don't want to believe it," Junhee was quiet for a long time. It felt good to say it but now he was realising he had homophobia in himself. He wasn't sure if there was a word for it but he doesn't care right now.

There was a knock on the door, Junhee jumped. "Sorry, I'll be right out!" He said getting up only for the door to open and for Donghun to squeeze inside with him. "I uh, I thought you were someone else."

"Clearly," Donghun chuckled, he put his hands on Junhee's waist.

"What are you doing?" He felt butterflies all over him.

"Nothing."

"Why are your hands there?"

"Every time you say I'm straight, I like girls it hurts. "

"Why?" Junhee gulped as Donghun got closer.

"I'm not sure," Donghun said, his lips taunting Junhee. 

"I'm not ready for my first kiss," Junhee blurted.

"Where'd that come from?" Donghun moved his hands up Junhee's torso, making his body twitch. He was not used to the soft touches Donghun was doing. He was used to his father's rough punches.

"It just seemed like you were going to kiss me."

"I wasn't. Are you going to my birthday party?"

"I can't, I have a family dinner that night," Donghun's hands still feathered around Junhee's torso.

"I wish you could come."

"I know."

"You have abs?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"Nice, me too," Junhee could tell Donghun was trying to make things less awkward but he was really bad at it. It made Junhee giggle. "What?"

"Nothing, let's just get out so I can say a quick prayer before we get back to working," Junhee smiled. Donghun got out first and waited for Junhee.

Junhee led him to the benches and sat down folding his hands together. Donghun just sat there watching Junhee. 

Hey Lord, it's me again. I can't stop feeling this way about him; I feel dirty, I feel so disgusted in myself but I think I like him and I'm scared. Please help me get over this. Please make me straight. Amen.

"I'm done," Junhee said unfolding his hands and standing up, he took Donghun's hand and pulled him out of the room. He looked back at his hand and saw it locked with Donghun's, he pulled his hand away and Donghun looked at him weirdly.

"What's wrong?"

"Someone could see."

-

The charity event was long but they endured it. People were now going home after cleaning up, Junhee was tired and so was Donghun. Junhee stood to wait for his parents to pick him up, eventually, he turned to Donghun. "You don't have to stay, I don't want to bother you, you're tired. Go home and sleep," Donghun shook his head and sat down beside Junhee.

"Do you have your phone?" he asked.

"No. not yet," Junhee sighed and sat down.

"Call your parents from my phone," Donghun gave him his phone. Junhee phoned his mother.

"Hey, mom, where are you guys?"

"Oh sorry dear, we're not in town right now. Your father and I are leaving for a week for work,"

"Oh okay. Work hard. Bye," Junhee hung up the phone handing it to Donghun.

"So?"

"They're leaving for a week for work."

"I'll drive you home, come on," Donghun took his keys out of his pocket and stood up. Junhee grabbed his hand and stopped him from walking away.

"I don't want to go home right now. Can we do something else?"

"Of course, what do you want to do?"

"Can we go to the beach? I've always wanted to go later in the day," Junhee looked up at him with hopeful eyes.

"Of course, let's go." Donghun helped Junhee up, they went to his car and went to the beach.

Chapter Text

"Stay here, I'm going to the car for second," Donghun said turning around.

"You're not going to leave me here, are you?" Junhee asked nervously. Donghun turned around.

"Of course not, I would never," he turned back around and went to the car. Junhee stood on the sand watching the waves hit the sand and the sun start to set. The sky was a mix of orange, pink, purple, and yellow; the colours mixed beautifully, twisting and turning to make more colours. The clouds were a golden colour, the scenery was mesmerising. 

Donghun came back with a sheet and two pillows in his hands. He set everything up beside Junhee, he sat on the sheets and watched Junhee in awe as Junhee watched the sky change. He pulled on his hand, startling him. "Come sit," Donghun said patting the empty spot beside him. Junhee, sheepishly smiled and sat down.

"Why do you have a sheet and pillows in your car?" Junhee asked.

"Sometimes I leave for a day or two and sleep in my car," Donghun shrugged, laying down. Junhee looked down at him then looked at the sunset.

"The sky looks pretty," Junhee mumbled, Donghun hummed in agreement. 

"You look prettier though," Donghun teased. Junhee chuckled and hit his thigh.

"Don't lie!" He laughed. Donghun sat up, turning Junhee's face towards him gently.

"I'm not," Junhee blushed, he had no comeback. He was speechless. Donghun's eyes flickered down to Junhee's lips then back at his eyes. Donghun leaned in, Junhee’s eyes widened; he pulled away—gently swatting away Donghun’s hands. Donghun cleared his throat, “Sorry.” Junhee just hummed, facing back towards the beach.

Donghun wrapped his arms around Junhee’s waist and pulled him down on the sheet. He rested his head on Junhee’s chest, listening to his heart pound. “You okay?” Donghun asked fully knowing he was the cause of Junhee’s nervousness.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Junhee squeaked out. Donghun unwrapped himself from Junhee’s waist and got off his chest, laying on his side, his head resting in his palm.

“No, you’re not, you’re nervous. Why?”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are. I can hear your heart pounding?" Junhee turned on his side, facing Donghun.

“It’s your fault, you’re making me nervous.” Donghun cocked an eyebrow.

“Why am I making you nervous?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” Junhee confessed. “Do you have any tattoos?” He asked, changing the subject.

“I do, why?”

“I like tattoos. I think they’re cool, my parents would never let me get one, but I think they look pretty. Can I see yours?” Donghun nodded as he sat up and took off his shirt. He turned around, showing Junhee the big tattoo that covered his back. Junhee let out a tiny gasp, he ran his fingers over it, feeling each line on his finger tips.

“Did it hurt?” He asked.

“Yeah. It hurt a lot. It took about ten hours, both times I went there. It bled a lot too, I couldn’t sleep on my back for like a week.”

“It’s better now, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Donghun turned back around, showing Junhee his tattoo on his ribcage. “I have this one too, this one took about three hours only.”

Only,” Junhee scoffed as he traced his fingers over the slightly faded lines. Donghun flinched causing Junhee to pull away as if his ribcage was fire. “What’s wrong? Does it hurt?”

“Uh, no,” he scratched his nape. Junhee looked at him confused.

“Why’d you flinch?”

“No reason.”

“Wait,” Junhee gasped.

“What?” Donghun cautiously asked.

“Are you ticklish?” He smirked. Donghun shook his head.

“Absolutely not,” Junhee poked at Donghun’s side gently, Donghun flinched once more.

“You are!” Junhee laughed—tickling Donghun’s sides, listening to him laugh loudly. He squirmed a lot, kicking his legs everywhere and trying to pry Junhee’s hands off him. Junhee climbed on top of him when he found a chance.

“Junhee! S-stop” Donghun wheezed out, “I c-can’t brea-eathe,” Donghun pleaded, his face a bright shade of red, his cheeks in pain from all his smiling.

“No,” Junhee sweetly smiled down at him.

Junhee had continued to poke and tickle his sides until Donghun was begging him to stop because he couldn't breathe. He wasn’t going to for the hell of it but Donghun really looked like he was going to pass out. They were both out of breath from all the laughing—Donghun more so. Donghun’s arms had fallen to his side, his chest heaved up and down a smile still spread across his face. “Want to go for a swim?” Donghun asked, still out of breath.

“A swim- Donghun it’s Winter.”

“There’s no snow and it’s warm out.”

“It’s still winter.”

“Fine, let’s not go swimming. Do you want to go to the large cabin that’s in the forest beside a lake? My aunt and uncle gave it to me? I’ll drive you back when you get tired,” Donghun raised his hands only to rest them on top of Junhee’s thighs.

“I don’t know, what if my sisters are looking for me?”

“Call them. Tell them you’re staying over at a friends house, you can use my phone,” Donghun suggested.

“I’ll text Bitna that I’m with you and tell her not to worry,” Junhee said taking Donghun's phone from his pocket; texting his sister. Junhee texted Bitna, he looked down at Donghun who was watching the sky get darker. Pretty Junhee thought, he smiled softly for a second then realized he was staring.Junhee sloppily put the phone back in Donghun's pocket, looking away. “I texted her, when should we go? What will we even do there?”

“We can go whenever you want, baby. As for what we could do, I have a couple of computers there so we can play some video games, drink some beer, and just have a good time. Or we can make out.”

“Why do you always have to ruin the mood?” Junhee complained and stood up off Donghun, waddling closer to the water. Donghun sat up.

“There was a mood? What was the mood?” He called out to Junhee—who ignored him and stayed sitting down, his shoes and socks beside him as he let the freezing cold water hit his feet. “Junhee, Come on! I didn’t mean to!” no answer. Donghun sighed getting up and jogging over to Junhee. “Come on, don’t be mad.” Donghun frowned grabbing Junhee’s arm; which he shook off.

“I’m not mad. I’m disappointed,” Junhee replied, sounding uninterested.

“I would prefer you mad. Being told that someone is disappointed in you is worse than being told someone is mad at you,” they both didn’t say anything. The only thing that was heard were the waves wetting the sand.

“Did you mean what you said a couple months ago back in the gym?”

“About not caring about you? No.”

“I mean the other time. When you were talking with Namjoon. Did you mean it?” Junhee asked, bringing his knees to his chest.

“What did I say?”

“About wanting to bang me just because you’ve never been with a church boy and wanted something new? And leaving me after?” Donghun was silent, he looked as if he was thinking.

“At the time I meant it. Now, I don’t.“

“Really?" Junhee asked, turning his head to Donghun.

"Yes," Donghun spoke softly as he stared at Junhee's sharp features.

"Hypothetically speaking, if I did like you would you be willing to try and keep a relationship or would we just, tip-toe around our feelings while you sleep with random people?"

"I would try but who knows, this is only hypothetical," Junhee scoffed and turned his head away from Donghun. Donghun dragged out a wow. "Park Junhee are you jealous of the people I sleep with?"

“Shut up. I’m not jealous, that’s such a stupid thing to be jealous about,” Junhee swiftly defended himself as he turned his head back to him. Donghun grinned but stayed silent. “You won’t leave me hanging right?”

“No.”

“You’re more of a one-night-stand kind of guy. Or unless you just said that because it was hypocritical," Donghun smiled.

“For you, I’ll keep a relationship. I won't sleep with anyone but you,” Donghun booped Junhee's nose.

"You're going to be without sex for a long time. Are you sure your stupidly horny ass can handle that?" Junhee's mocked concern as he put a hand on Donghun's shoulder. Junhee removed his hand.

"Haha very funny, I can handle it," Donhun looked out at the water before speaking up again. “We should get going to the cabin.” Junhee nodded, standing up and walked back to their original spot grabbing their things and shaking them off before going back to the car and placing them inside neatly in the back seat.

Chapter Text

Donghun drove down the highway that exited Seoul and led to the forest where Donghun’s cabin was. They had stayed at the beach long enough for the sun to fall and the moon to rise, the stars were beautiful; Junhee thought. “We’re always driving when we’re together.” Junhee realized.

“I guess we are,” Donghun said. Junhee stared out his window, watching the trees as they sped past them. “Should I go to your house next time? Just sneak into your room through your window?” he joked, Junhee turned his head to Donghun in an instant.

“No! You can’t!”

“Hm, why not?”

“My dad would murder me and you if he found out.”

“I can be quiet. I’m not sure you can be.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Junhee glared at him.

“You’re not a quiet person,” Donghun stated.

“I can be,” Junhee grumbled. Donghun glanced over to Junhee and smiled. Turning his eyes back to the road he listened to Junhee mumble and complain about him not being able to be quiet. After a few minutes he stopped, and it was quiet again. The radio was muted, no one had their phone plugged into the AUX cord—nothing to listen to.

The car ride was nice, it wasn’t awkward, it was comfortable. Despite Donghun’s cold and scary appearance, his aura was warm, it drew in Junhee. He feels like every day he learns something new about Donghun.

 -

When they arrived at the cabin Junhee was in awe, it was huge—not to mention stunning. It even had a lake near it, within walking distance too. Donghun pulled up into the driveway and parked his car getting out. Junhee soon followed Donghun into the large cabin and took off his shoes, he looked around the main room of the cabin. The place looked better on the inside, it was more of a modern-day kind of style.

Donghun grabbed Junhee’s hand, dragging him up the stairs. “Where are we going?” Junhee asked.

“We’re going to the game room to play Overwatch.”

“Can I be Mercy?" Junhee asked, full of delight. He liked healing people.

“You can be whoever you want to be, baby,” Donghun said as he opened the door that led to the game room. He led Junhee to the two PC’s sitting next to each other, a small wall covered the side of each desk to prevent cheating and for each person’s privacy. Donghun sat down in one chair and Junhee sat down in the other.

The two of them started up the game and went online as their chosen characters. They played a couple of rounds and each round had some cursing and frustration from each boy. Donghun stopped playing and peaked over at Junhee, he watched his eyes squint and lips pout. Junhee glanced over to Donghun, “What?”

“Nothing,” Donghun shook his head, admiring Junhee once more before going back to his screen.

 -

Junhee left the game and returned to the main screen of the game. “Donghun, I’m hungry,” Junhee said and Donghun left the game too returning to the main screen as well.

“What would you like to eat? Should we order? Do you want ramen? Your choice,” Donghun asked turning around in his chair to look at Donghun.

“Let’s order from some place, can we get some seafood, maybe?”

“Yeah, we can get that. What kind of seafood?”

“Fish, maybe some fish and chips and maybe some calamari? How are you going to order it all the way out here?”

“I'll just use my phone," Donghun took out his phone, typed on it for a minute then put it on the desk. “Done. It said it’ll be here in about an hour. What do you want to do for that hour?”

“Well, what can we do?”

“Anything, we can watch a movie, go to the lake, play more games, go for a walk, talk, nap, make out- “

“Why do you always mention making out?” Junhee groaned; Donghun put his hands up in defence.

“I’m just letting you know it’s always an option.”

“Let’s just go to the lake, dummy,” Junhee rolled his eyes and walked out of the room and down the stairs. Donghun sighed and followed close behind Junhee who was now putting on his shoes and walking out the door. Junhee was seated on the edge of the lake, his shoes and socks were off, and his feet were in the freezing water. Donghun sat down beside him, taking off his shoes and socks.

“Wanna go in?” Donghun asked his voice just above a whisper.

“Not really,” he chuckled shaking his head. Donghun grinned—putting his hand on the small of Junhee’s back.

“What are you doing?” Junhee asked panic laced in his voice. Donghun looked at him, still grinning. He pushed him into the water, soaking him all the way to his head. Donghun found it hilarious—Junhee, on the other hand, did not. “Donghun! The water is freezing!” Junhee yelled. He paused and looked at Donghun’s face, then his legs that floated in the water, then back at his face.

“Junhee no,” Donghun warned. Junhee smirked and grabbed Donghun’s feet before he could escape and pulled him into the water earning a loud scream ripping from Donghun’s throat. When Donghun emerged from the water he splashed Junhee. Junhee yelped then splashed water back, Donghun turned his head, shutting his eyes tight as he laughed.

The stars and moon shone brightly above the two, brightening up the dark sky slightly. Junhee stopped splashing and laughing, he stared at Donghun—a smile apparent on his face. Donghun stopped splashing too, “What’s wrong?” he asked, amused, light chuckles slipping through his lips. Junhee shook his head.

"Nothing, everything is perfect," Junhe smiled, his heart was warm. Out here he didn't have to worry about his parents, his friends, his sisters. He didn't have to worry about anything. Donghun smiled.

"I'm glad," Donghun swam closer and placed his hands on Junhee's waist.

“What are you doing?” Junhee whispered.

“Stop talking.”

“Sorry.”

“Shh,” Donghun shushed him and stared at Junhee's lips. Junhee understood what Donghun wanted so he backed away, taking Donghun's hands off him.

“Donghun I-" Junhee started.

“I know. Now, let’s get you inside before you get sick,” Donghun interupted, slightly annoyed. He climbed out of the lake and held out his hand to help Junhee out too. Donghun grabbed their socks and shoes and headed inside. Junhee walked behind him slowly, did he mess up? Should he have kissed him? Junhee was slightly panicking to himself, he thought of a small prayer to God. He asked him to help him understand himself and to help him through his troubles right now with his self-hatred. “Junhee, come on! You’ll get really sick if you stay out here!” Donghun called from the front door. Junhee wasn’t far away but it felt like walking to the door took forever.

Junhee entered the house and Donghun had already stripped off his shirt and pants. He felt awkward. “I’m going to run you a hot bath and I’ll have a shower,” Donghun rubbed his nape and went up the stairs, his wet clothes hanging off his arm. Junhee stood there, his clothes dripping large water droplets on the murphy oiled wooden floors.

Soon Donghun came down the stairs, “Come on, your bath is ready,” Junhee shuffled up to the bathroom, his body visibly shivering. Donghun led Junhee to the bathroom and let him go inside before shutting the door and walking to the other bathroom.

Junhee undressed and hopped into the bath, it had a thick layer of lavender scented bubbles, and a few candles lit that smelt sweet. It was a nice combination Junhee thought. The water was steaming, Junhee felt as if his feet were going to burn off—he knew it was only because his feet were cold but that didn’t stop him from taking his feet out of the water and putting them over the edge of the tub. Junhee’s body relaxed into the water, it was comforting like a warm blanket after spending a long time outside during the winter. Junhee stared at the wall in front of him, he thought of what happened at the lake and felt himself get tense again. He sat up and folded his hands together in front of his face, “Hey God, I know it’s been awhile. But I have just been really distracted, I know that isn’t a great excuse but lately, I’ve been questioning my faith. Can I be Christian and still like guys—well, a guy? Is this possible? Saying that sounds weird—” Junhee chuckled then continued, “I want to ask you gor forgiveness, for not being who you made me to be. For you know... liking a boy. My whole life I’ve been taught that guys kissing guys and girls kissing girls was wrong. I don't want to feel that way but I can't help it. I want to live a normal life with a wife and kids, I want to but in my dreams I dream about that life but with Donghun and it's disgusting. Please help me through this. This will be the last time I ask. Although, I’ve always felt as if I didn’t fit in with all the other kids during Sunday school. I’ve always found the boys to be more attractive than the girls. I know it's sinful but I can't stop feeling this way and I'm scared. Could you help me understand me? This is all I’m asking. This is important to me—” Junhee was interrupted by a knock.

“You okay in there?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Okay, well come out when you’re done, the food’s here. I don’t know if you've seen it but there’s a towel sitting on the counter for you with some clothes. The underwear is just out of the package so you can keep it,” Junhee heard Donghun walked away, he looked towards the counter and sure enough, everything was there just as Donghun said.

“I have to go now. I’ll talk to you later. Thanks, Lord,” Junhee ended his chat and pulled the plug in the tub, he grabbed the towel and dried his hair then himself and got dressed. Junhee walked down the stairs and went to Donghun who was opening all the containers and setting up the coffee table and the Netflix on the TV.

The couch was covered in fuzzy throw blankets and pillows, Junhee stood behind him and gestured to the couch, “What’s this?” he asked. Donghun turned around to face Junhee and followed his gaze to the couch.

“Oh, I set this up so we can be comfortable and warm while we eat and watch something on Netflix, like a TV show or a movie. Also, I put the throws in the drier for a couple minutes to heat them up.”

“What are we going to watch?” Junhee asked, his voice small. Donghun had already turned his attention back to the food on the table.

“Uh, I don’t know yet. We can watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine maybe. Or maybe The Mindy Project, that’s good,” Donghun was mumbling, Junhee could understand him but just barely. “You can sit down, Junhee.” Junhee sat down and grabbed one of the blankets, it was soft, Junhee wanted to rub it against his cheeks. But he didn’t.

Donghun sat down beside Junhee, he scrolled through the TV shows as Junhee eyed the food. “You can eat silly, you don’t have to wait for me.”

“How many pieces of fish did you order?”

“Six, so three for each of us,” Junhee nodded and started dishing up his plate and started eating.

“Thank you, for the food. It’s really good,” Junhee looked at Donghun who was still picking a show.

“Hm, you’re welcome. Should we watch Alex Stranglove?”

“I’ve never heard of it, but yeah, we can,” Donghun put on the show and dished up his plate.

Throughout the movie, they ended up laying down at opposite ends of the couch. Junhee's legs squished betweet the back of the couch and Donghun while Donghun's legs rested on the outside of the couch.nJunhee was a little bothered Donghun and him still haven’t talked about what happened back at the Lake earlier that evening. Was Junhee worried? Of course. Was he panicking a bit? Yeah. Junhee cleared his throat, getting Donghun’s attention. “What’s up?”

“I'm sorry,” Junhee apologized. Donghun furrowed his eyebrows.

“For what?”

“The uh, rejected kiss. Y’know, back at the lake.”

“Ah that,” Donghun was quiet for a second, “It's fine. I should've known better, you already said you're not ready." Donghun stopped and looked at Junhee's face again. "Does it still hurt?"

"Does what still hurt?"

"Your black eye, from your dad. Does it still hurt?" 

"Yeah, a bit. Why?" Donghun sighed.

"I won't let anyone hurt you ever."

 -

Soon the two fell asleep watching Netflix, Donghun had changed it to The Mindy Project before they fell asleep.

Chapter Text

When it was time to go back to school Junhee felt like he was on cloud nine. He had a fun weekend with Donghun, dispite the awkward rejection the first night. They played video games all weekend and turns out Junhee is pretty good at them. Junhee was excited to see Donghun, even though he had already seen him the day before. Junhee stayed with Donghun in the cabin until Sunday morning, Sunday morning Donghun gave Junhee his nice clothes that he wore to the charity back and dropped him off at church blowing him a kiss goodbye when nobody was looking just to bug him, Junhee panicked a little but Donghun told him it was fine.

 -

Junhee had gotten up early, he took his time getting ready for school. Something in him wanted to impress Donghun, or make him do a double take, or even have him look him up and down—any would do. He just wanted Donghun’s attention on him and only him—not that he'd evee tell him that.

On his way to school, his friends asked what’s up with him because he seemed different. Junhee told them what happened from Thursday to Sunday with Donghun.

"We literally played video games until four in the morning!" Junhee exclaimed.

"Really? That's really late," Hoseok was shocked, usually Junhee falls asleep by nine.

"I know, I'm shocked too but it was so fun guys. I didn't have to worry about anything, I didn't have to worry about my parents seeing me hang out with him and I felt really relaxed at his place," Junhee smiled. His friends smiled too.

 

When they got to school, Donghun was sitting on the hood of his car, his friends standing with him. Junhee’s friends waved to their boyfriends who waved back with large smiles. Junhee waved to Donghun but Donghun just looked away and continued talking to his friends. Junhee lowered his hand slowly. “What was that about?” Hoseok asked.

“I’m not sure,” Junhee’s eyebrows were furrowed.

“You fell for the wrong person, Junhee,” Youngjae told him.

“What? What’s that supposed to mean? And I don't like him what are you talking about? I just want to be his friend, haha," Junhee nervously replied.

“Youngjae’s right, Junhee,” Byeongkwan said. The three sent each other a look full of worry. “You’re in for one hell of a ride. Whether it's friend or lover, you better prepare.”

“Again, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ll see soon enough,” Hoseok said. The other two friends nodded—agreeing.

"Guys, seriously."

"Donghun gets upset when he doesn't get what he wants and so most of the time he gets salty and bitchy to that person. Did anything else happen?"

"He tried to kiss me a couple times but I wouldn't let him."

"That could be it," Youngjae said. They continued to their classes in silence.

 

During their first class Junhee kept glancing at Donghun, he thought of everything that weekend and couldn’t think of one thing. Junhee tapped his pencil against the desk, I’ll talk to him after class, he usually smokes after first class. Junhee impatiently waited for the bell to ring, he watched the clock like a hawk. Became uneasy the closer it got to the time class ends.

When the bell rang, Junhee was out of that classroom following Donghun to the smoker’s area. Junhee kept his distance and watched Donghun lift a cigarette to his lips and light it. Junhee was nervous—so he stood watching him for a minute. He was glad Donghun was one of those people who took their time and didn’t finish in half a minute. Junhee took a deep breath and opened the school doors and shuffled out to Donghun. Donghun saw Junhee and raised a brow. “What?” the harshness startled Junhee, seems like it startled Donghun too.

“D-did I say something or do something this weekend?” Junhee asked, Donghun took a drag of his cigarette and blew it out away from Junhee.

“Not that I can remember. Why?”

“You just completely ignored me this morning. I don’t know, maybe I’m just overthinking—”

“You are. You’re overthinking. You better go to class, the bell is going to go off any second and you wouldn’t want to miss bio,” Donghun was cold again, just like before.

“You’re cold again,” Junhee told him, annoyed.

“Okay and?”

“You’re unbelievable,” Junhee scoffed and walked back to the school. He grabbed his stuff and headed to biology, he sat down beside Byeongkwan. “I hate men. Men suck.” Junhee complained.

“You don’t hate men, you’re just mad at a man. As in one man. Okay, men suck, we know. Maybe go see him and try to talk to him again, like after school?” Byeongkwan rubbed Junhee’s back.

 -

The rest of the day Junhee didn’t see Donghun, he had ditched school with all his friends. After lunch it had started to rain, Junhee dreaded leaving school because of it, also because he was going to go to Donghun’s house.

When school ended Junhee sighed and walked outside in the pouring rain. He didn’t have a ride; all his friends rode the bus and the bus didn’t go anywhere near the route to the area Donghun lives at. So that meant Junhee had to walk there. He was not very happy and was soaking wet by the time he got to Donghun’s. Junhee was shivering as he shuffled to the front door of the Lee residence, he knocked on the door and waited for someone to open the door.

A man opened the door, “How can I help you?” he asked.

“Where’s Donghun?” Junhee asked, balling his little hands into fists.

“Ah, he’s not here right now. He left a couple hours ago to hang out with his friends. I’m not sure when he’ll be back.”

“Oh okay, I’ll get going then,” Junhee felt awkward.

“Are you sure? You can come in and wait.”

“I’m okay, really. Have a good afternoon,” Junhee smiled at the man and walked down the long walkway. He heard the door close behind him and you too from the man. Junhee was disappointed but also relieved Donghun wasn’t there.

Junhee got down to the sidewalk as a car parked in front of him and a drunk giggly Donghun stumbled out of the car. Donghun saw Junhee and looked relieved, “Baby! I missed you so much,” Donghun dragged out, giggling—throwing himself on Junhee, wrapping his arms around his neck. Junhee stood there for a second, registering what was happening.

“Donghun, are you drunk?”

“Just a little” Donghun pulled away from Junhee and kissed his cheek. “I like you, my little baby,” Donghun placed his hands on Junhee’s cheeks; squishing and pinching them. He giggled again, “You’re like mochi or a rice cake.” Junhee swatted Donghun’s hands away and he pouted. He looked at his face, his lip was split, above his eyebrow was cut and bleeding slightly, the cut on his cheekbone on the other side of his face matched with the one above his eyebrow.

“What happened?” Junhee asked, stilling Donghun’s face by cupping it. Donghun’s lips squished, reminding Junhee of a fish.

“Hm, just a little fight. I’m okay though, baby! I’m okay because you’re here, my little angel,” Donghun smiled, his eyes disappearing. Junhee sighed and let go of his face.

“I can’t with you—”

“You can’t what with me?” Donghun asked, his eyes big—reminding Junhee of a curious toddler, a pout now on his lips, his head tilted to the side just a smidge. He looked cute—really cute, Junhee thought.

“I can’t deal with you, you’re up and down, one day you’re nice the next you’re an asshole. It’s so infuriating. I can’t handle it. If you’re going to be like that, I don’t want anything to do with you. You said you wouldn’t let anyone hurt me but you’re hurting me,” Junhee poured out his feelings to Donghun, not knowing if he’ll even remember this. “I’m going, talk to me when you’re sober.” Junhee waved a hand of dismissal and walked away from Donghun.

It was still raining, and he was freezing. He was definitely going to have a cold after today. He was so frustrated with Donghun, he started to cry on his way home. He didn’t stop until he was at his front step. When he walked in Sooyoung turned her head to him and glared "Where were you?! Why are you almost three hours late from school?!" Sooyoung yelled at him, Yerim sitting next to her on the couch. He rolled his eyes, ignoring her and went to his room to change.

Junhee changed into some warmer clothes, stood in front of his tall mirror and started fixing his hair. He stared at himself, he looked at his eyes, their shape, the color—they looked beautiful. He looked at his nose; it was cute. Junhee stared at his lips, the lips he almost kissed Donghun with; he smiled remembering the weekend. For the first time in a while, Junhee thought he looked handsome—but he thought he also looked pretty. He was startled by a knock on his door, his head turned towards it to see who it was; Bitna. “Oh, hey, what’s up?” Junhee asked.

“Why were you so late?”

“I stopped by a friends place,” Junhee said, turning back to his mirror to fix his hair again. “Hey, could we dye my hair?” Bitna entered the room and closed the door.

“Probably not. Why?”

“I want to try a dirty blond,” Bitna joined Junhee in the mirror.

“It’d suit you. I don’t think mom or dad will allow it, though,” Bitna started to fix her hair too. “Where did you actually go?”

“I went to Donghun’s to talk to him, but he was drunk so I left.”

“Maybe try to distance yourself from him for now. I heard his dad came back after twelve years and is asking for them to forgive him and accept him into their lives. He’s not very happy about it,” Junhee nodded, he now understood why Donghun was acting the way he was. Of course, it’s not an excuse for how he’s been acting but it makes sense. He wants to hear it from him though. “What did you and Donghun do on the weekend? You just told me you were staying with him, and don’t worry, I covered for you. I said you were staying with your friends.”

“Thank you. We didn’t do much, we just hung out at his cabin; we watched movies, played video games, ate. That’s about it,” Junhee shrugged.

“Did you guys kiss?”

“What? No,” Junhee’s face flushed as he laughed nervously.

“You did!” Bitna laughed then stopped, “You’re in trouble, Junhee.”

“We really didn't! He tried but I stopped him. And why am I in trouble? And please don’t say “you’ll see” I’ve already heard that today.”

“Donghun likes to lead people on then drop them when he takes something that is important to them—like first kisses or virginity. I don't know if you're lying to me or not but please remember that," Junhee bit the inside of his cheek.

“Why does everyone know everything about Donghun except me. Is this a joke everyone but me is in on?”

“You don’t keep up with the gossip, Junhee. Everyone else does.”

“That’s exactly what it is, gossip,” Junhee was trying to defend Donghun but it sounds like something he would do.

“Listen, I know you’re scared about it all and want to believe it’s not true but please just be careful around him,” Junhee was scared, he’s not even going to lie. He was terrified.

“What do I do if it is true?”

“We’ll figure that out when the time comes, for now just watch what you say,” Bitna looked at her watch. “It’s almost six, I’ll go so you can pray.” Bitna gave Junhee a reassuring smile, she put her hand on Junhee’s shoulder then left. Junhee sighed and kneeled beside his bed, folding his hands together and bowing his head.

“Hey, Lord. It’s me, Park Junhee. You haven’t answered back to me about anything I said on Thursday night. Did I ask for too much? Anyway, please help me with the struggles I’m going through right now with Lee Donghun and myself. I know I usually have a set time for praying and I haven’t been keeping to my regular time. I don’t think you mind that much. Please take care of my family and friends. I have to go now. Amen,” Junhee got up from the floor and sat on his bed. He fiddled with his thumbs thinking of what Bitna said. Maybe she was right, maybe it wasn’t just school gossip. That worried him, he got up from his bed, he started to pace around his room—the tip of his thumb between his teeth. His eyebrows were furrowed, his nose scrunched a few times.

Junhee stopped pacing, am I gay? He thought to himself. He sat down at his desk, he thought about for a long time. He rubbed his face and leaned back in his chair. "Hey, Bitna!" Junhee yelled. He heard her coming up the stairs and soon saw her open his door. "Do you have my phone?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Can I have it until mom and dad get home?" Bitna hesitated, but then Junhee pouted.

"Fine, but I'm taking it back the morning of the day they get home."

"Okay!" She left and came back with it. She handed it to him and left. Junhee turned on his phone and went to the naver search bar. What's it called when you feel the need to be heterosexual? He searched and waited for the search to load. Internalized homophobia

"Huh. So there is a word for it..."

-

Donghun laid on his bed, one arm resting on his stomach the other rested across his forehead. He sighed and rolled on his side, he thought about what happened with Junhee today. The way he treated him, just because he was angry his father wanted to be accepted back into their lives as if he didn’t just up and leave twelve years ago. Donghun got off his bed, he walked into his bathroom to shower—he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror; he looked like a mess. Donghun turned on the faucets, setting it to the perfect temperature. Undressed, he stepped in, feeling the hot water stream down his body—washing away any dried blood from a fight he got into earlier. Easing the pain from the forming bruises. Relaxing his tired body.

 

Donghun wrapped a towel around his waist, he walked out of his bathroom to his bedroom. He went to his dresser pulling out clothes to put on. While he was sobering up in bed, he decided he would listen to Junhee and talk to him when he’s sober, so he waited until he was sober to sneak off to Junhee’s.

Donghun grabbed his phone and ran down the stairs. He put on his shoes in a swift motion, he grabbed his keys and headed for the door. “Donghun, I would like to talk to you,” Donghun rolled his eyes, turning around.

“I’m going to be honest; I don’t want to talk to you,” he turned back to the door.

“Donghun, don’t be like this,” his father said.

“I’m going to see Junhee. You can leave at any time. You’re not welcome here—"

“Actually, he is,” Donghun’s mom cut him off.

“You’re unfuckingbelievable,” Donghun scoffed and walked out to his car.

 

When Donghun got to Junhee’s place he parked a house down, just in case. It was night already, so it was dark. He didn’t worry about anyone seeing him for his sake, but he worried for Junhee’s sake. Donghun snuck onto the Park residence and climbed up to Junhee’s window. Once he got up—after many fails, he climbed through Junhee’s already open window.

Nobody was in the room; the light was off even. So, Donghun sat on Junhee’s bed waiting for him. After what seemed like forever Junhee stood in the doorway, his skin glowing in the moonlight. Junhee turned on the light and shut his door—still not seeing Donghun. Junhee went to his mirror, sitting in front of it—that’s when Junhee noticed Donghun. He saw him sitting on his bed behind him in the mirror; he turned around in a state of confusion, “Donghun?”

Chapter Text

“Hey” Donghun gave Junhee a small wave. Junhee glared at him and turned back to his mirror, he grabbed a clip off his desk that was next to the mirror and pinned back his hair then grabbed the sheet mask that sat next to the clip on the desk. “Junhee, listen,” Donghun sighed. Junhee looked up from the package in his hands to Donghun in the mirror. “I know you’re mad at me, I know I hurt you—” Donghun paused, Junhee was smoothing out the mask on his face. “I’m sorry, how I acted was one hundred percent unacceptable.  I remember what happened outside my house—I can’t express how sorry I am, I was angry at my father and I took it out on you.” Junhee was on his phone, sitting cross-legged on the floor. He was listening, he just wasn’t going to say anything.

“Junhee, my father… he’s not someone I am very fond of,” Donghun cleared his throat, “When I was seven years old, he picked up everything and left us. He left just so he could be with his side chick, only to get married and divorced eight months later. Soon after that—maybe about ten months later; he got married again and was divorced after six years. All this while still being legally married to my mom. That was the first and only time I’ve seen her show any emotion, she slept with our neighbours and even the sheriff—which is why I get away with a lot of things. Our house was a mess, my mom was always drunk or high off prescription pills. My mom’s a psychiatrist, by the way—just imagine how much trouble she would be in if anyone had found out about that at the time.” Donghun paused his story to check on Junhee, seeing if he showed any signs of listening to his sop story. He saw them and continued.

“With the house in such bad shape, Jieun; my older sister, had to take care of me. She was more of a mother to me than my actual mom ever was and ever could be. Jieun made me food, she helped me with my homework and even took me to my sports events. When I turned twelve my mom decided to go to rehab, once she got clean, she was back to how she was when she was with my father—controlling. She likes having power over someone and she liked to try to control me—she still likes to try and control me. With her being so controlling I felt the need to rebel against her and do all the things I was told not to do, drink, smoke, have sex, you know, all those kinds of things parents tell their children not to do when they’re young. I was fifteen, maybe fourteen when I started to do all those things, I snuck out of the house often to go to all sorts of parties. God, this is so bad, I even used to go to insomnia parties. I’m surprised I’m not dead with the number of drugs I took back then, I probably took enough that should’ve made my brain go mush. I’m not sure how I’m still fully functioning.” Donghun let out a short scoff at his words. He felt kind of stupid just sitting on Junhee’s bed talking to him and him not saying anything.

“Anyway, it was around that time I found out I was bisexual, and I never actually came out to my family. They just kinda figured it out on their own over the years when I got brave enough to bring people home. It was scary but I felt like I had to keep the ‘I don’t care’ image around my family, now I know I don’t but at the time I felt like I had to. That lead to me leading myself into a depression, I had to start seeing someone to help me and they were the only person I formally came out to and they didn’t judge me. It was so nice to have someone to talk to, yeah, I paid them. but it still made me feel better. When my mom found out I was depressed she didn’t show any sympathy, she just made a snarky remark and went back to her work. It made me feel shitty about myself, I had very low self-esteem when I was younger even if it didn’t seem like it. I hated myself and it took a long time for me to gain confidence.” Donghun was starting to feel like he was revealing too much and he felt his defences start to come up. He visibly stiffened. Junhee was watching him through the mirror, he turned around and stared at Donghun. Neither of them was saying anything, the room felt awkward without anyone saying anything. It was starting to become tense, Junhee took off his sheet mask and set it in his small garbage can that sat beside his mirror.

“Donghun,” Junhee didn’t want to say anything but it was becoming too tense and he didn’t like that. Junhee sighed. Donghun looked at him, he waited for him to say something else. “Donghun, I-I don’t know what to say…”

“I just told you like my life story, so I don’t know, maybe a “thank you for trusting me”?”

“I don’t think you told me because you trust me- “

“I did.”

“What?”

“I told you because I trust you. I trust you not to judge me, I trust you not to tell anyone, I trust you Junhee.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Because why?”

“Because I like you,” Donghun gave him a quick and frustrated confession. Junhee sat in shock, even though Donghun had confessed while drunk earlier that night. Hearing it from sober Donghun was different, felt more sincere.

“What?” Junhee stared at him, his mouth slightly hung open. Donghun grabbed a pillow from Junhee’s bed and held it.

“I said,” he looked Junhee in the eyes, “I like you.” Donghun launched the pillow at Junhee’s face making him yell in surprise. Donghun let out a loud laugh and then there was a knock on the door, Donghun froze and so did Junhee.

“Everything okay, Junhee?” Sooyoung asked. Junhee panicked and stood up quickly.

“Uh, yeah. I just thought I saw a spider, but it turned out to be a piece of fluff and I laughed at how silly I was to yell over a piece of fluff. Yep, everything is fine.” Junhee said while trying to get Donghun to hide in his closet.

“Can I come in? I need to have a talk with you.”

“Uh, yeah, just give me a second” Junhee grabbed Donghun’s hand and dragged him to the closet then shoved him in. “Be quiet,” Junhee whispered harshly at him as he shut his closet door. Junhee opened his bedroom door and let Sooyoung in. “What is it?” She sat on his bed.

“Have you been around Donghun? Tell me the truth,” Junhee stood frozen, what was he supposed to say? Junhee gulped here goes nothing.

“What? I'm not allowed so I don’t even hang out with him, I don’t talk to him either,” Junhee said with a scoff as he strode over to his bed to sit. Junhee fiddled with his covers and glanced at the closet.

“You’ve just been weird lately; you’ve been secretive and quiet.”

“I’m always like that for a while after dad flips so much I get sent to the basement and then am stuck in my closet for days. You would be quiet too. It’s embarrassing and makes one lose pride in themselves.”

“You got a point,” she sighed. “But, where have you been going? You’ve been gone so much lately.”

“I’ve been hanging out with my friends.”

“Listen, I know you and Donghun have been hanging out. You smell of cigarettes and his expensive cologne.”

“But, we're not?”

“Junhee, don't lie.

“I'm not, Sooyoung.”

“Do you not trust me?"

“Not really, honestly. But, that has nothing to do with this. I haven't been around him. My friends have but Ii haven't. Do you think I like being abused, being forced to kneel on froen peas until my knees bleed and not to mention get muscle spasms in my thighs? Or what about being thrown in a closet for days? Why would I hang out with him if I know what will happen?"Junhee asked. Sooyoung stayed quiet, she was surprised at Junhee's outburst. "Is that all?" She cleared her throat.

“Yeah, it was… Also, mom and dad are coming home a day early, so they’ll be here Wednesday instead of Thursday,” Sooyoung said and walked out of Junhee’s room. Junhee let out a big breath and flopped back on his bed. His arms spread out across the bed. Junhee looked over at his closet door and sat up—groaning as he did. He went to the closet doors and opened them, he scoffed; Donghun had fallen asleep sitting on the floor against the wall. Junhee crouched down and poked his cheek. He watched his eyes open.

“Wake up, you should probably leave,” Junhee whispered.

“Can I stay here? I’m comfortable,” Donghun mumbled sleepily. Junhee gave him a weird face.

“How can you be comfortable in the closet?”

“I don't know, I just like it. But seriously, can I? Your room is nice.”

“I haven’t quite forgiven you, so I don’t think it’s a good idea. Maybe next time, Donghun.” Donghun sighed and stood up, letting out a soft noise as he stretched. He came out of the closet and went to the window.

“I guess I should go then.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” Junhee crossed his arms loosely, now standing up.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well tonight,” Donghun said climbing out of the window.

“Yeah, See you tomorrow. You too, sleep well,” Junhee waved to Donghun right before he jumped down. He shut his window and went to his bed, climbing underneath the covers. He brought it up to his nose as he giggled—remembering Donghun’s confession.

Chapter Text

It was a cute confession, he admits it made his heart flutter. It also made him think a little bit, why would Donghun like me? He thought about it a lot and he hasn't come up with anything yet. He tried, he stared in the mirror long and hard looking at his features. He even laid on the floor afterwards thinking of what aspects of his personality Donghun could possibly be attracted to. Nothing. So, he decided to just ask Donghun. He knew it could be embarrassing but he thought, what's the worst that could happen?

That's what he's doing right now, nearly two weeks after Donghun's confession. It was a break between classes and Junhee knew Donghun was outside smoking so that's where he was standing--kind of. He was standing in front of the doors, his stomach whirling. He took a couple deep breaths and opened the door--cigarette smoke filling his nostrils making him cringe.

"Donghun?" Junhee asked, now standing in front of him. Donghun smiled as he blew the smoke out in the opposite direction of Junhee.

"Hey, baby. What's up?"

"Okay, listen, so I've been thinking--"

"Uh oh," Donghun chuckled out, Junhee sighed with a small laugh.

"I've been thinking about your confession, right? And I'm just wondering, why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you like me? I've thought about it since the night you told me and it just doesn't make sense to me like why me?" Donghun put out his cigarette and cupped Junhee's face gently.

"I like you because you're you, I don't know how else to describe it, Junhee. You're unapologetically you," he let go of Junhee's face, "Does that answer satisfy you?" Junhee tilted his head to the side slightly, confused. He blinked, his lips naturally pouting out. Donghun stared at Junhee with a smile. "Well?"

"Yes. Thank you, uh I will get going now, I uh guess," Junhee pointed to the door as he slowly walked backwards towards it. Donghun chuckled and shook his head.

"You're cute, Park Junhee," Donghun told him before he left.

Junhee went and grabbed his binder and a pencil case and went to class, his face a pretty pink.

-

It was Wednesday so Junhee has choir. He stood in the church with the rest of the choir members and pretended to listen to whatever they had to say. He wasn't really interested in what they were saying nor was he interested in choir anymore. 'Maybe I'll drop choir' he thought to himself, moving side to side out of boredom. 

He thought about his past, how he grew up, how much things have changed, how his "relationship" with Donghun first started.

He was a curious child, always asking questions. One time he found a frog in their backyard and brought it in the house--asking his mother what it was and where it came from while she cooked lunch. Of course, she freaked out and told him to throw it back outside. 

She helped him wash his hands and explained to him that he shouldn't bring in such creatures. Junhee helped his mother out with lunch and she told him that frogs are creatures from God. She said she didn't know what they were for but God made them so they must have a purpose. God made everything with a purpose. 

Growing up Junhee was taught everything and everyone had a purpose, he went to church every Sunday, prayed at least three times a day. With his mom he was happy but as he got older he started feeling out of place, like he didn’t belong in his own family. He pushed it aside and prayed, his answer to everything in his life was praying. He figured if he prayed hard enough God would help him. 

As a little boy, Junhee hated Donghun. Donghun bullied Junhee, he pushed him, called him names, even excluded him from class activities. The teachers thought putting the two in groups would help the two get along but it always ended with Junhee doing all the work. Junhee thought Donghun was too lazy for his own good. They were never friends, didn't know anything about each other--only knew each others names. 

Donghun found Junhee fascinating, he told him that one time. Junhee thought about it for weeks, possibly months. They were only twelve years of age when Donghun told Junhee this. Junhee wouldn't stop asking his friends what he could've meant by it, they joked around and said if he asks one more time they're going to think Junhee has a crush on him. Junhee never brought it up again.

Now that Junhee thinks about it, his heart raced when Donghun leaned close to his face just to stare at him a little too long only to tell him he's fascinating. Thinking back even now his face heats up and his palms get sweaty. ' Maybe I always had a thing for Lee Donghun,' Junhee would think to himself on lonely nights he couldn't sleep so he thought about himself.

Junhee thought about himself and his past a lot. How much he's changed, went from three prayers a day to only praying when asked. He feels guilty to the God he once worshipped with every part of him, he feels guilty for not praying, for questioning his faith. God and Jesus were his saviors--at least that's what he was told all his life. He didn't know what to believe anymore, he was questioning his faith, sexuality, and who he actually is as a person. If there was one thing he was sure about; it would be that Lee Donghun does make his heart race.

Junhee kept quiet now, he blocked people out--afraid they'd find out. He even ignored his friends who he loved and trusted most in this world. Why? He doesn't know, he knows they would be fine with it but it's still scary. He's scared of being found out, scared of not being accepted, of being too late, being too everything. So, he's gone quiet. He makes excuses: 'I'm just tired! Don't worry about it, AP classes are kicking my ass haha.' 'Sorry, I can't hang out; I have homework.' 'I can't, I'm busy. Sooyoung wanted me to do her a favour…' 'Oh after? Uh actually, my mom wanted me to help her make bread so I can't. Maybe next time.'

He felt like he was betraying all his friends but he couldn't help but feel this way. He couldn't help but feel trapped and terrified of himself. He was stuck but too afraid to ask for help.

"Junhee!" He heard someone yell, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Oh? I'm sorry, what?" He blinked, looking around.

"What are you doing this weekend?" A choir member asked. Junhee gasp and snapped his fingers.

"I just remembered it's Dong- I mean my friend's birthday party this weekend! But, my family is having a dinner. Choices," Junhee hummed. He knows he told Donghun he wouldn't be able to make it to his party but he wants to be there instead of the formal dinner party that'll be filled with old homophobic people who will ask him if he has a girlfriend yet then ask him why he doesn't have one yet. 

"Skip the dinner and go party!" One of the guys said enthusiastically, throwing his hands in the air. Junhee laughed and shook his head.

"My family has been planning this for months, I can't miss it," Junhee peeked at the clock on the wall; five fifteen , choir was over in five minutes, what's the harm if he leaves early to go home? "Actually, I should go now to get help my mom bake some stuff for the dinner." Junhee waved goodbye and left to go home.

-

Junhee entered the house a d heard his mother ending a phone call. "Who was that?" He asked, taking off his shoes and walking to the kitchen. His mother was sat, a cigarette in hand while she shook her head gently.

"It was uncle Hyunjae. Auntie Yeongha has to go to the hospital on Saturday for a check up. The dinner has been moved to Sunday. The extra day is putting me off. I had everything set up and planned but now it's ruined!" Junhee rubbed his mother's back.

"Everything will turn out perfect. I know it will," Mrs. Park placed her own hand on her shoulder. 

"You're a great son, Junhee."

"Thank you, it's because you raised me," she snickered and put out her burning cigarette. Junhee hated the smell. "Do you need help on Saturday?"

"I should be fine. Why?"

"I made another friend at school and he's throwing a birthday party this weekend for himself and invited me. At first I said I couldn't because I had a family dinner but now that Saturday is cleared I would like to go. May I?" Mrs. Park sighed.

"Yes dear, you may," Junhee smiled, he kissed his mother's cheek.

"Thank you."

He couldn't wait to surprise Donghun.

Chapter Text

Junhee was freaking out, he didn't know what to wear to Donghun's party and it was in two hours. Currently he was on a group FaceTime with Hoseok, Youngjae, and Byeongkwan who were also going to the party. Junhee flopped down on his bed and groaned. "I'm being stupid."

"What? why?" Youngjae asked, smacking his lips together--spreading the lip balm he just put on.

"Why do I care so much? It doesn't matter that much… does it?" Junhee sat up.

"You just want to look good. Nothing wrong with that," Hoseok reassured. The rest of the boys were done getting ready, they were planning on going to the party together but at the rate Junhee's going; it doesn't look like it.

"What if you wore those pants we got at the mall that one day? Didn't he like those?" Byeongkwan spoke up. Junhee shrugged.

"I guess. But what shirt do I wear?"

"Just wear a tee and I'll lend you my leather jacket or something," Byeongkwan sighed. Junhee grunted but changed anyway. What other choices did he have? 

He stepped in front of his camera once more. "This is fine, right?" His friends all nodded. 

--

The four walked up to Donghun’s door, they had been early so basically no one was there. Junhee’s stomach swirled, he never liked being late for anything, he preferred being early but maybe today he was too early. He knocked on the door, Donghun peeked his head passed the door to see who it was. Opening the door all the way he let the group of friend’s in, he looked at Junhee strangely. Junhee gave him a shy smile. “Okay, I’m going to go help finish setting up,” Youngjae said, the other two followed Youngjae to the kitchen where snack bowls were sitting; waiting to be put in the living room. 

“This is a surprise,” Donghun said as he stuck his hands in his jean pockets. 

“Yeah, I guess I should’ve texted you or something,” Junhee played with his ear nervously. 

“No no, it’s fine. It’s a nice surprise,” they both giggled.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get you a gift. I only found out I was coming here last night,” Junhee pouted sadly.

“You being here is enough,” he took hold of one of Junhee’s hands, rubbing his thumb over the knuckles. Junhee blushed and looked away.

“What are you saying?” He laughed, butterflies filling his stomach. Donghun sighed.

“The one thing I wanted for my birthday was for you to be here.”

“Really?” Junhee asked.

Donghun nodded, he looked around. “Let’s go to my room.”  He led Junhee up the stairs to his bedroom. They stood in his bedroom, Donghun still holding onto Junhee’s hand, he shut the door. “I thought you couldn’t make it…” His voice was slightly above a whisper. Junhee let go of his hand and went to Donghun’s bed, sitting on it.

“I couldn’t make it because of the dinner but it was switched to tomorrow,” Donghun came and sat beside him, he looked at Junhee’s features that were highlighted by the dim lamp lit room. Junhee turned his face to Donghun’s.

“You look beautiful,” his eyes flickered to Junhee’s lips then back up to his eyes. Junhee felt his cheeks heat up slightly, he turned away. Donghun grabbed his face, causing him to look at him again. “Don’t look away.” He whispered, leaning closer.

“Why?”

“I want to look at you more,” he stared into Junhee’s eyes. Junhee felt strangely vulnerable. Donghun pulled away ever so slightly. “What’s on your mind?”

“Everything.”

“Be more specific.”

“Just everything, I’m confused, Donghun.”

“About what?” Junhee was getting frustrated, Donghun was asking too many questions. Junhee just shrugged.

“Everything, I don’t know who I am, what I am, am I gay? Am I not? I don’t know, Donghun,” Junhee sighed, closing his eyes. Donghun bit his lip, backing up--giving Junhee some space.

“That’s okay, you don’t need to label yourself. It’s okay to be confused," he held Junhee's hands in a comforting manner.

Junhee gave him a small smile, "Donghun?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you for being so understanding," Donghun showed him sympathy.

"Of course, I've been there too," Junhee was comforted by the response, to know he's not alone in this lonely and confused feeling. Junhee wanted to hug Donghun tightly, he craved a hug from Donghun. He moved his hands from Donhgun's and wrapped his arms around Donghun's torso, resting his head on Donghun's chest. Donghun was shocked, he cautiously wrapped his arms around Junhee too. 

Junhee's heart pounded in his chest. He smells so good… Junhee thought to himself. Junhee pulled away, "I think," Junhee started.

"You think?"

"I think," I like you. "You're getting old." Junhee jokes. Donghun mocked offense, following it up with a laugh.

"You think you're so funny, don't you?" He laughed some more.

"Well you're laughing so I have to be somewhat funny," Junhee smiled, he stared at him for longer than what he intended. "You look so handsome."

"You're so odd today," Donghun furrowed his eyebrows. "We should go down to the party." Donghun stood up and waited for Junhee.

--

Hours had past at the party and nearly everyone was drunk, including Junhee. Junhee stumbled around the main room, looking for Donghun. His vision was slightly blurred, he was unsteady and unsure of his surroundings. He bumped into multiple people, mumbling out an apology. Music boomed in his ears, lessening his ability to focus that was already lessened thanks to him being intoxicated. 

He saw him nowhere on the dance floor in the kitchen. He slowly made his way up the stairs to the second floor where Donghun's bedroom was. Clumsily stumbling down the hall to Donghun's room he opened the door, he saw Donghun and a girl undressing each other. He closed the door and went back down the stairs to find his friends. He felt sick.

Junhee collected his friends in a frenzy. "I want to go home," he told his friends. He was angry at himself and Donghun, angry with himself for going and angry with Donghun for lying straight to his face; telling him he likes him

The four sat in Hoseok's car, Junhee in the passenger seat and Hoseok in the drivers, the other two in the back.

"What happened?" Hoseok asked.

"I hate Donghun," Junhee teared up. Byeongkwan rested his hand on Junhee's shoulder from this backseat.

"What'd he do?" Youngjae asked, his head leaning against the window.

"He told me he likes me and I just saw him getting it on with a girl in his bedroom!" Junhee silently cried. "I feel so stupid."

"Why do you feel stupid?" Byeongkwan asked, rubbing his shoulder in a way to comfort him. Junhee sniffled and sighed.

"I feel so stupid for thinking he actually likes me. I'm so dumb."

"No, you're not dumb," Hoseok comforted Junhee. "Maybe confront Donghun? Like go back up to his room and confront him."

"No. It doesn't matter anymore. It happened," Junhee wiped away his tears.

"Wanna go home?" Byeongkwan asked, petting Junhee's hair in a comforting manner. Junhee nodded. "You don't want to talk it over with Donghun?"

"Not now... I'll do it when I'm not so angry."

Hoseok drove him home.

Chapter Text

Donghun phoned Junhee. He stared at his phone. Junhee sat in his room sulking, a raging hangover irritating him. It was early in the morning and he was too tired and too fed up to talk with Donghun. He let Donghun leave voicemails, he listened to every single one of them. At first they were him wondering why Junhee wasn't answering then it was the realisation. All he did was apologize, Junhee couldn't find any sympathy for Donghun right now. He did this to himself. He hurt Junhee again, just days after his confession.

Junhee he wanted a proper apology. 

Another voicemail, he played it. 'Junhee… I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. What I did was really shitty, I feel awful. Please, just pick up my calls so we can talk this out… let's stop being childish and talk this out.'

Junhee rolled his eyes, "Childish, who's being childish? If anyone's being childish it's you, you big idiot."

Donghun was phoning again, Junhee grunted. He answered, "Junhee?" Donghun's sad voice echoed in Junhee's ear.

"Stop calling me. It's annoying," he dropped his phone to hang up, but Donghun spoke again.

"I'm coming over, we need to talk this out."

"Yeah, we do need to talk about this but I don't want to see you right now. We can talk over the phone."

"I'm coming, leave your window unlocked," Donghun hung up, Junhee fumed. Does he not fucking listen? 

"I shouldn't have answered," but he still sat and waited for Donghun, he wasn't sure why he made sure his window was unlocked. He didn't want to see him. 

Junhee left his room, going down the stairs he boiled a kettle of water and made himself some tea. He liked tea, wasn't the biggest fan of coffee--too bitter for his sensitive taste buds. While walking back up the stairs, he heard a loud thud come from his bedroom. His eyes shot to the direction of his room. Hurrying up the stairs he whipped the door open and saw Donghun rubbing his knee in pain. “You idiot!” Junhee whispered angrily, setting his cup down on his nightstand. Shuffling towards Donghun he helped him up, mumbling complaints about him being too noisy and how he shouldn’t have answered the phone.

Donghun sat down on Junhee’s bed while Junhee sat in his desk chair, glaring at Donghun. “Junhee-”

“I hate you, y’know,” Donghun sighed.

“Junhee, I’m sorry. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure why I did it. What I did was completely not okay. Even though we're not together I still confessed and told you I only wanted you for my birthday making it unfair to you and your feelings," Junhee sat silently. Donghun was right, it was unfair to him and his feelings. It was so unfair.

"So, what is it?" Junhee asked.

"What is what?"

"Do you actually like me or are you playing me?"

"I actually like you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, one hundred percent," Junhee hummed, still feeling unsure. He was still hurt by Donghun. Junhee stood up from his chair and walked around his room. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know if I should trust you," Donghun stood up, he rested his hands on Junhee's shoulders.

"Trust me. I'll prove it. I know we can't go out on dates but how about we go to my cabin again? I'll show you there."

"That sounds… suspicious…" Junhee said cautiously. Donghun chuckled.

"It's not. How about we go today? You can just leave like this and don't worry, you'll be back in time for the family dinner tonight."

"Not today, Donghun. I'm too tired, I just want to sleep. Maybe sleeping will help this hangover," Donghun's face went from hopeful to disappointed then it lit up again.

"Come to my place, I'll make you some hangover soup! You can even sleep in my bed-"

"I will never sleep in your bed."

"Why-? Oh," he bit his bottom lip. "There's a guest bedroom you can sleep in!" Junhee saw how hard Donghun was trying. He sighed.

"I said no. I appreciate you trying to fix the mess you made but I am feeling suffocated. I need time to think about it, okay? Maybe next week I'll go to your cabin with you but not today. I'm too tired and too busy, I'm sorry."

Donghun smiled sadly, "No need to be sorry. I understand. Take all the time you need. If I was in your position I would be feeling the same way." 

"Thank you for understanding. If you want you can stay for a little bit," Junhee offered.

"I thought you hated me?" Donghun grinned. 

"It's called human decency, one of us has to have it," Junhee side eyed him as he went to his closet.

"Ouch."

Junhee shrugged. He pushed the hanged clothes to the side looking at each one carefully. He was looking for something to wear to the family gathering. He felt Donghun brush up against his arm, he turned his head to look at him. "What are you looking for?"

"I'm looking for something to wear tonight at the gathering."

"Why don't you just wear something casual?"

"Because my father wants all of us to look our best so we look better than the rest of our family. He's big on competition."

"That's shitty."

"Tell me about it," he chuckled. "It's so annoying, I can never wear what I'm comfortable in," Junhee frowned, Donghun put a hand on his back. 

"It's okay, it's only for a few hours right?" He nodded. Donghun removed his hand from Junhee's back and helped him go through his closet. He pulled out a white button up and a pair of black dress pants. "This should be fine, right? I mean, it's not really fancy but it's better than casual, right?"

Junhee took the clothes and laid them out on his bed. He stared at them, "They should be fine. Thank you."

"When do you have to get ready?" 

"Not for a couple hours yet."

"Nice. Wanna go get some boba?"

"I have some tea so I'm good but thank you anyway."

"You're so cold," Donghun mumbled. Junhee cocked an eyebrow.

"Hm? What'd you say?"

"I said, You're so cold."

"How do you want me to act? You told me you like me and then you went and slept with someone just days after. How should I act? Big Whoop, you apologized. Still doesn't take away the betrayal I feel."

"I was drunk !" 

"And? Don't be stupid, Donghun. You being drunk is no excuse."

"I said I'm sorry and I feel like shit for doing it what more do you want?"

"I want you to understand that an apology isn't going to make me trust you again automatically. Gaining trust takes time, especially when you do something like you did. Like I told you, I need time to think."

Donghun rolled his eyes, "Take all the time you need but know I'm getting tired of you pushing and pulling. Soon I'm going to give up. I'm leaving. Have fun at your dinner tonight."

Junhee stood and watched him climb out the window. He scoffed and locked it when he was out. He laid back on his bed and fell asleep.

--

"Dinner Time, Junhee."

"Coming!"