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dear diary, you gotta hear this

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Dear Diary,

 Today I got rammed through the stomach with a giant branch that fell from the tree at the park. I probably wont be back for a few days.


 


Dear Diary,

 I am back. As usual, nobody even realized I was gone. Kyle got tickets to some weird live-action Disney play, so we are going to be heading out in a few hours. The only person to even show interest was Stan. I'm pretty sure they are like, together or some shit. I couldn't care less honestly. I'm a pretty open dude I think. Aint like I wouldn't fuck a dude..

 Also, Cartman tried to blow up the white house. Something about crab people and "the Jewish agenda". I honestly don't give a fuck, but it was pretty entertaining watching Kyle punch him clear out. Fuckin fatass.



Dear Diary,

 So, the play was shit, but this one chick, she played some sorta distressed maiden background character, was hot as fuck. Seriously her tiddies could suffocate me. Would be the best way to die, hands down.....Well, other than that one time I died from getting a blowjob. That shit was amazing. Totally worth it. To bad she all but forgot I existed after I came back to life.

 Things are getting a bit tense with the guys, I think. I mean, Stan and Kyle couldn't stop staring at each other, which was awkward as fuck. Randy was drunk as ever living shit when he came to pick us up, only pissing Stan off since he got his truck taken. Apparently it was because of a DUI, which honestly, doesn't surprise me at all. Dude is on the fast track to becoming his father. Aren't we all though...

 Oh yeah and to top it all off, Cartman pulled me off to the side to see if he could "borrow" a bottle of vodka and some weed from me. I have no idea what on earth he could need it for. Not like he could ever get a chick to want him. Or a dude for that matter. I told him it would cost him, and he proceeded to pull out a bag of potato chips and ten dollars, so like, obviously I said okay.
I think I'm gonna try wearing my hood down tomorrow. That nasty scar on my cheek is finally gone since I died last week, and I figure it's time for something new.


 

Dear Diary, 

 Oh my god holy fuck what the actual shit so like, I wore my hood down like I said I was gonna, cause yanno change and all that bullshit, and I have never in my goddamn life had so many people stare at me. I almost didn't know how to handle it. Even Mrs.Lawrence was staring at me, and she fuckin hates my guts! I felt like some sort of weird exchange student from Russia and everyone was captivated. I seriously almost had an anxiety attack, but it was also pretty fuckin cool. I forgot how long its been since the guys saw me with my parka off. Even they were like "Holy shit dude I forgot you had a face!" and I was all like, "Yeah dude! I got a face!". Super good shit. I think Imma keep not wearing the hood. The positive attention is kinda dope, plus I never realized how bright the classrooms are. It was just really weird. Good weird.

 I almost forgot! There was this weird moment where Craig fuckin Tucker came up to me and said "Hey Kenny." . Like what the fuck? I dunno, I don't have anything against the guy, but it was just super random. Legit never talk to him and I always kinda thought he hated me? Oh well. It was cool.



Dear Diary,

 So I fuckin died like literally an hour after my last entry. I was gone for a week and a half, but who gives a fuck .I was gonna go over to Stan's place to play video games and got hit by a car. This is the second time I've died this month, which is kinda weird. Legit haven't died since May and suddenly I'm completely off my game. Shit sucks... But!!! Oh fuckin well. I'm just thankful it's not as bad as when I was a kid. Still aint really found anyone who believes me when I tell them about it, but yanno I gave up hope for that shit a long time ago.

 I still haven't worn my hood up though! I'm curious to see how long I can manage without feeling overly weird without it. I feel kinda strange still having something like a "security blanket" at 16, but fuck it dude. Most people don't die and come back to life constantly either, so I guess I'm allowed to have some comfort, right?

 The stares have calmed down a bit, but I'm still getting way more attention than usual. It's almost like people are just now realizing I'm around. Have I always been a background character or something? Either fuckin way, its kinda cool to finally feel a bit acknowledged, even if it is for something like my looks. I never really thought of myself as hot, but it seems like other people definitely do.

 Mom and dad have been fighting for like, what, an hour now? Apparently, from what I hear through the walls, she smoked his shit and she's a bitch. Really aint no tellin with them. I just wish things could calm down for a bit. Karen is in the 7th grade and still can't sleep without her teddy bear. She deserves more than this. I really hope someday I can get us out of this shithole. Not even for my sake. That girl deserves to see things and do things and become everything our mom never could. Sometimes it feels like she more my daughter than my sister. I wish that were the case.



Dear Diary,


 Dear god, where do I even fuckin begin. So last night the fight between my parents escalated, and now moms in the ER. Dad broke her nose and Karen's freaking out, and Kevin hasn't come back since he got fed up with their fighting and stormed out with a backpack. That's kinda typical for him though, so I'm not overly worried. But Karen, dude Karen cried all night. After mom got a ride to the hospital, she thought mom was gonna die or something and I had to hold her and make sure she knew that it was just a broken nose and everything would be fine. I honestly feel like a jackass telling her that because I never really know if things are gonna be fine, but she needs a peace of mind, yanno?

 Fuckin school man, shit was weird. I got there and saw Tucker smoking over in the back, which is strange because he is never over there. I always smoke there if I get to school early, and the only people I've ever seen there was the goth kids. I wasn't overly concerned about it, but I figured I shouldn't let it stop me from smokin my cigarette before class. So I get over there, trying to stay in my own space and all that bullshit, but dude turns to me and lifts a hand, like he's waving or something. I'm like "Hey dude, what's up?" , cause yanno, awkward silence always bothers me. But listen, I swear I saw him smile. Like for no reason? He stretched and said "Not shit. Smoking before class.". We just stood there for a while smoking, and he'd occasionally look at me. I couldn't really read his expression, but when I'd make eye contact, he wouldn't look away. Was he checking me out? I remember he dated Tweek for like, what was it, three years? Eventually I finished my smoke and after I told him bye, he said "See ya around, Ken.".I couldn't help but laugh. I dunno why but it was just so random how nonchalant he was with me. I know I read to far into things though, maybe he just didn't like standing in silence either.

 Oh! And another random thing I noticed was that Instead of walking home with Stan, Kyle went home with Cartman. It made me remember Cartman asking me for some weed and vodka, seriously sketchy. Aint no tellin what dude has up his sleeve. I don't know if Stan and Kyle are dating, but I'm considering texting Stan later to meet up at the park to play basketball, and see if he knows about Kyle and Cartman hanging out. I am never the person to stir the pot, but those two hanging out never, and I mean never, ends well. Hopefully nothing weird happens.



Dear Diary,

 Dude okay this is an early entry, but holy fuck. Okay, so I just got back from this crazy situation and I gotta talk about it. I went to the park and me and Stan linked up, played basketball for a few minutes, and then Stan looked at me and was like "Hey dude, did you invite Kyle to come play?", and I said, " No I didn't, I saw him go with Cartman to his place after school, so I figured I'd wait and ask you about it". He legit looked so confused. I figured Stan out of anyone would know if something was up, but apparently not. So he grabs his phone to call Kyle , and Kyle didn't answer. Stan started to panic, so I tried to get him to chill out a bit. Of course it didn't work to well. Stan grabbed his coat and took off running towards Cartman's house, and I followed behind him. I didn't really feel as freaked out as he did, but something felt off so I for sure didn't wanna miss it if anything went down.

 When we get there, holy fuck, Stan damn near breaks the door he knocks on it so hard, but we heard loud music playing upstairs so he threw the door open. We got smacked with the smell of weed, like filling the living room. Stan didn't even bother yelling up to them , we just went in and he jetted up the stairs. By the time we were in front of the door we could see a haze of smoke, and we heard them laughing. Kyle and Cartman were fucking laughing. I reached out to put a hand on Stans shoulder, cause yanno for all I know they are dating or some shit, so obviously I could tell he was fuming, but he ripped the door open. You'll never fucking guess what we saw. The door flung open to the sight of both Cartman and Kyle, room masked in smoke, sitting on the floor shoulder to shoulder, leaning in as if they were gonna kiss each other. Oh my fucking god Stan flipped shit. Cartman was so high, he barely even reacted to us entering the room, but Kyle threw himself back quick as shit. He kinda nervous laughed and put his hands up in surrender, obviously sufficiently baked. Stan grabbed him by the arm and didn't say shit, just pulled him to his feet and led him out of the room. I stayed back to talk to Cartman, but also to avoid the argument those two were probably having at that moment. Cartman just kinda sat there, half smiling, and obviously confused. He eventually passed the joint to me, So I sat down on the bed next to him. I almost didn't wanna push it, especially considering he didn't seem like he wasn't exactly fit for proper conversation, but I decided to ask him "So is this why you bribed me?". He laughed a bit, and so did I, half because he looked so fuckin goofy with his eyes that squinted, and half because it was just such an awkward situation. After a few moments he finally looked at me and told me some crazy shit. He went on for about ten minutes about how he couldn't stop looking at Kyle. It was almost poetic. Legit he said "Sometimes I feel like there is a fire within me , causing me to rage and plot, but one day I looked inside myself and realized it wasn't real fire. It was thick red curls, egging me on and making me beg for attention.". Cartman has always been such a dramatic person though. He rambled on for a while and I just listened. I never once thought Kyle would not only smoke, but with Cartman no less? Plus they were about to kiss. Does this mean Kyle reciprocates? I saw the vodka sitting on the floor, but it was unopened.

 I waited a half hour before leaving, but when I got downstairs, Stan and Kyle were gone, and neither of them have answered my texts. I really hope I don't have to deal with those to arguing. When Cartman and Kyle argue, at least things go back to normal rather quickly, but Stan and Kyle are like dramatic as fuck. They stay mad for fuckin weeks, and we hang out in separate groups and its all just a fuckin mess.

 There are three things I found out today. One, Cartman is in love with Kyle. Two, Kyle probably likes him back. Three, this next week is gonna be bullshit. Wish me luck.



Dear Dairy,

 So much has happened the past two days, I haven't even been able to update this thing. I guess I'll start with the family shit. Mom came back home. They kept her overnight because her blood pressure was really high or something like that, but she's okay. Kevin finally got back home, but he didn't have his backpack with him. He told me he was gonna go "chill with his chick" for a week up in North Park. Apparently she's got money or some shit, which is pretty cool. Maybe he will shack up with her and finally fuckin move out. She seems cool enough from the two times I've met her. Her names Cassie and she has really big tits. That's the only two things I really payed attention to. Good for him.

 The morning after the whole "Kyle and Cartman getting stoned and almost making out" ordeal was so fucking tense. I get to school and saw Kyle walking up the steps, smiling and shit as he greeted Cartman. Super fuckin weird, but then Stan storms up and he starts arguing with Cartman, leaving Kyle to the side and trying to make them stop. I decided it wasn't my place to bother the situation, so I went ahead to go smoke before class. Tucker was already there, for the second time, smoking a cig and sitting on the back steps. Almost like he was waiting for me or something. I was like, fuck it, might as well talk to the dude. I sat down on the other side of the steps and light up my cigarette, and started small talk. Yanno, basic shit like "How are you", "It's super fucking cold today", stuff like that. Eventually he asked about the shouting he heard coming from the front of the building and I told him about the whole thing between Stan, Cartman and Kyle. He listened, but didn't really comment to much on it. He eventually stood up and lifted a bottle of Jack out of his backpack, asking "Do you drink?". Long story short, he invited me to come chill with him this weekend, which is now tomorrow. It's super weird, he doesn't talk much, but he seems kinda of interesting. Like talking to him isn't as awkward as I feel like it should be, considering I barely know him. Kinda refreshing to talk to someone who seems to live on a completely different spectrum than the rest of this town does. Plus, he's pretty fuckin easy on the eyes.

 During class, all I could focus on was Stan sitting beside me, openly staring at Kyle. He looked both pissed and betrayed. I could seriously see the anger dripping off of him. It was so intense. Also, his knuckles were busted on one of his hands, probably from the fight earlier. Kyle didn't seem to give a shit that he was getting stared at though. Cartman, however, was not in school for the rest of the day.
I ended up just going home and went straight to bed. It has been so fuckin cold and stuff lately has been so crazy again, almost like when we were kids.

 I figured things were finally calmed down, but south park will always be south park, I guess.

 But check this dude, When I woke up yesterday I had 5 missed calls from Stan, along with a voicemail. It was him, drunk out of his mind. He said, and I quote, "Oh my god dude, Kyle has killed me, that bastard. I can't believe he's doing this. I don't care that he isn't mine, but with Cartman? I thought we had a connection. He's supposed to be my best fucking friend Kenny.". Shit dude I had no idea how to react. So apparently Stan and Kyle weren't ever dating, but Stan is forsure in love with him. Its fuckin crazy. I'm trying to stay out of it, and I haven't really talked to Kyle about it yet, so I wanna stay neutral.

 The weirdest part though is that Cartman and Kyle still argued in class, as if nothing had changed. Except it totally did, and after school, they left together. Like laughing and shit. I cannot get used to that, man. Stan hit me up and we went back to his place and played video games for a few hours. When I get there, Clyde and Token were there, which yanno I wasn't too put off, they are cool dudes, but I've never seen them hang out with Stan before. Clyde and Stan are a lot closer than I thought. They were super buddied up while we took turns playing two player on the game. It was really good to see that Stan was working to keep his mind off of the drama he's going through. I ended up just talking to Token a lot. He just got a new car, and he invited me to come with him and Clyde on a trip to Denver next month. I'm super fuckin stoked about that. I haven't made a ton of new friends over the years, but they have always kinda been around school and they seem generally nice.

 The rest of yesterday went pretty smoothly, we hung out until like 9 pm and then we all went home. I texted Cartman and asked him what he was up to, just to check on him, and he texted back that he was at Kyle's place, "studying chemistry". Super fuckin cheesy line considering neither of them are currently taking chemistry. Creepy shit.

 I'm about to head off to school right now. I hope to fuck that school isn't as hectic today.



Dear Dairy,

 School went pretty okay! Nothing over the top, except Stan was still oggling at Kyle and Cartman while they bickered over some stupid book Mrs. Lawrence assigned us to read. Cartman claimed that the book was "super lame and poorly written bullshit", while Kyle insisted that it was one of the greatest books of all time, and if Cartman could pay attention to anything for more than five minutes that he would realizes that he was wrong, blah, blah, blah.

 After we got out, I bumped into Tucker. We walked around to the back and smoked together. I asked him what we had planned tomorrow, and he told me we would probably just go to his place and drink a bit. Dude asked me if I was into anime. I do sometimes watch anime, but usually only when I'm over at Stan or Kyles place and they are passed out. I use the fuck outta their hulu and netflix while they sleep. Neither of them like anime, but its pretty good, and just about the only thing I actually watch when I have the chance. So I guess the plan is to, like, go to his place, get drunk, and watch anime. Not exactly what most people consider turning up, but I figure it should be fine. I guess the dude is just kinda lonely. He doesn't seem to have a close group of friends anymore from what I can tell. When him and Tweek broke up, it seemed like the group sorta broke up as well. When Tweek moved away in freshman year, Craig had this whole break down in class. Freaked everybody out a little bit, but he still came back to class and went on as normal.

 I wouldn't mind getting to know him a bit better I guess.


 

 

Dear Diary,

 Ok so I am about to go to Tuckers place in an hour or two, and I'm actually kind of nervous? I haven't been to a new persons house in forever. Well, I've been to some dealers places, parties, shit like that, but this is super different. It's probably just gonna be me and him, drinking and watching anime. Sounds super fun, but what the fuck do I do? Am I supposed to bring something? Maybe some pot. I don't even know if he smokes weed. What if I bring weed and he gets super sketched out and tells me to leave? I might bring a pizza or some shit like that. I hope I don't come off like, weird. I'm sure it'll be fine, but sometimes when I'm about to do something new, it's like I get nervous and anxious, and I never know what to do with myself. I feel like I impose a lot. On accident of course. That is what makes it so bad though! I feel like an idiot half the time. I guess I'm lucky to be known as the confused class clown or else I'd probably get reprimanded a lot more.

 Also! I woke up this morning and Kevin had come home. Came through the door, slinging himself everywhere, mumbling about how he got jumped over something, his girl left him, and some other shit I didn't quite catch. Dad threw him a beer and told him to shut the fuck up or else he had to "go back where he came from". Kevin can't keep a girl for shit. It's a shame, he lost a good one. She was all clean and shiny and stuff like that.

 I'm about to get myself ready to go. Tonight should be a good time. Lets just hope I don't overthink things. (knock on wood).



Dear Diary,

 Wow. Okay so, I just got home from Tuckers house. Its legit like 6pm right now. I ended up staying way longer than I expected, and things were like, way different than I expected. It was so good though dude, seriously. I don't know where to start, so I'll just start with the beginning. So I fuckin decided okay I'll bring a pizza and a little pot, and only pull it out after I get a feel for the situation, yanno what I mean? I walked over there, and as soon as I got in the driveway, I see him looking over his backyard fence. He waved me over and opened the gate, and a joint is immediately placed in my hand. I was like fuck yes dude. I told him I could match with him, and he led me to this shed in his backyard. It was like cool as fuck, with bean bags and electricity and he had these star shaped fairy lights all over the room. He even had a big ass TV mounted on the wall, with Hulu already pulled up. I was in awe or some shit, because I didn't even realize he had already handed me a cup of jack and coke.

 After all that we sat down and just talked, man. Seriously just talked for hours. At first it was over which shows we've already seen, which led into us picking a show we both hated, and drunkenly critiqued every little bit of the episode. By the time we realized we only had a drinks worth left of whiskey, we already forgot the TV was fuckin running and we were telling each other our life stories. I've never seen Tucker talk so much in my whole damn life, seriously. It was good though, really good, and it turns out we view things in kinda the same way, yanno what I mean? Like at one point he made some comment about "feeling like his skin didn't fit him properly, like he could be anyone and it wouldn't matter". I was like shit, I feel that in my fuckin bones.
 Oh my god and at one point, his little sister came knocking on the door and yelled that she "knows what we're doing". I was so spooked, but he legit just stood up and handed her 10 dollars through the cracked door, and she left. I dunno why but that was such a power move.

 By the time it was around 2 am, we were both kinda tired and we were coasting on a buzz that we were coming down on. I figured we would eventually go inside, but he pulled out a basket of blankets and shit and we slept in his lil man-cave. It was super nice though, I didn't even notice a heater was on until I saw it was snowing outside, but I wasn't cold. So fucking dope, I wish I had a man cave.

 Also, not to be creepy but fuckin side note, Tucker is cute as shit when he sleeps. Almost "I wanna protect him" level of cute. It was insane.

 When I woke up though! He was already awake and had a bowl packed in this really pretty glass pipe. It was a deep blue with purple and white galaxy print on it, man it was so good. We smoked and ate the leftover cold pizza from the night before, and I had a mild hangover. I'm almost positive he did to, but he didn't mention it if he did. It was kind of a quiet morning. I guess you could call it peaceful? I'm not sure. Even at the guys houses, there is always some sort of ruckus. One of them wakes up bitching, or one of their parents are yelling at us, all that type of shit. Me and him just sat there in calm silence, and it was such a different feeling. I know, I know, I read into things way too much, but I seriously feel like that was one of the best mornings I've ever had with someone. It was sorta weird considering I've never chilled with him before, but he seemed to reciprocate the good vibes and stuff.

 The time passed crazy in that shed, dude. It was like five minutes was an hour, and an hour was a blink of an eye. We watched some episodes of the og naruto, which we decided wasn't nearly as good as it was when we were kids. He pulled out this big clothes basket full of books and pictures, and showed me pictures of him cosplaying with Clyde when they were like 12. It was the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen. I would have never thought I'd get to see Craig fucking Tucker in an Inuyasha cosplay, but god fuckin bless, I did.

 It wasn't till I checked a text message I got from Stan that I realized it was already 5:30 in the afternoon. I decided I needed to go home, but before I left he told me we should chill more often. I could not agree more, dude.



Dear Diary,

 Man mondays fuckin suck. First thing I heard this morning was Kevin and dad fighting over one of them drinking the last beer. Stupid bullshit. Plus, why the hell do they always feel the need to drink right before work? I've never had a decent day that started with me chugging a six pack. I guess working on cars is different than school, but I mean, still, whatever man. When I was heading out the door I got shoulder checked by a flying phone book Kevin was trying to throw at dad, so my shoulder has hurt all day. I dunno, just the normal bullshit.

 I get to school, and go around back, and ofcourse Tucker is there, so we chill for a bit before class and I tell him about my dad and brother fighting. Which honestly put me at a bit of ease. Being able to tell someone was therapeutic or some shit like that, but then Kyle jogs up to us looking all out of breath and is like "Hey, have you guys seen Stan?". Neither of us had, and I didn't hear from Stan at all after I responded to his text yesterday. Kyle looked kinda worried and told me he had a bunch of missed calls from him, but Stan never answered when Kyle tried to call him back. He ended up not even showing up to class.

 I got kinda worried about him so after school, I went by his place. His dad answered the door and let me on in. He said Stan hadn't come out all day, and that maybe I could figure out what was wrong. Long story short I go up there and see him laying on his bed, face down in his boxers. After a bit of listening to him making weird noises and groaning shit, I got him to sit up, and dude, he looked like shit. Apparently him and Clyde got super fucked up yesterday, drove all the way to Denver, and ended up kissing at some point. What kinda Hangover the movie type bullshit is that? God. So like of course hes got this mad hangover and anxiety cause he "doesn't know what to do". I asked him what happened afterwards, who started it and all that. Turns out! Clyde kissed him in the middle of this big party Clydes cousin was throwing. I was like, "uh dude, the only question here is if you were into it". But of course it isn't that simple for Stan, and he thinks Clyde is gonna hate him or some shit. I had to get home to make sure Karen wasn't locked out of the house, but I might text him here in a bit to see if he's still overthinking or whatever.

 I'm seriously starting to think that nobody in this town is straight.